With that goodbye in your eyes
I know that I can't change it (Now you see right through me)
There's no way to disguise
We will never make it
I saw goodbye in your eyes
-Zac Brown Band, "Goodbye in Her Eyes"
Nancy Tucker and Wilma Lawson paid for their meal and Lucas shut the drawer to the cash register, bidding them a good afternoon before taking a look around the room. The lunch rush was over and the saloon was mostly quiet. It had been quiet anyway. The residents of Hope Valley may not have known the young Mountie killed that morning, but after losing their own beloved constable, they treated the death with utmost respect. Daily activities had resumed, but there was a somber attitude about the townspeople.
After pulling himself together earlier, Lucas had forced his mind to focus on his patrons. He'd purposefully pushed aside his worries about what he was going to do with an oil company he had no idea how to run and was pointedly ignoring the churning sensation that afflicted his gut ever since he'd seen Elizabeth and Nathan's embrace. He had no idea where either of them were now because he'd helped carry the Mountie's body into the infirmary before returning to the saloon and had not seen either one since Bill had ushered them into the cafe. He hoped Elizabeth had gone to school, but a little voice in the back of his mind that he kept mentally swatting away whispered that she had not, that she was still with Nathan. And Lucas feared what it meant if she were.
The motion of the door opening caught Lucas' attention and he was surprised to see Elizabeth walking inside. He watched as she searched the room, her eyes coming to a stop on him. She hesitated only a moment longer before she made her way toward him. The stiff posture of her body did not bode well. The closer she came, the more Lucas could see her expression and he just knew what she had come to speak to him about. It was clear as day in her eyes; she had come to say goodbye. Perhaps not to their friendship, but certainly to the prospect of a romantic relationship.
Elizabeth halted in front of him. "Hello, Lucas. Is there somewhere we could talk?"
She didn't even give him the chance to return her greeting and the gentle tone she used was all the confirmation he needed. Nodding, he spotted that the table by the piano was the most isolated from the scant number of patrons and led the way. Determined to still act a gentleman, Lucas pulled a chair out for Elizabeth. She sat and he took the chair to her left. He leaned back, placed an ankle on his knee, and rested his arms on the armrests, hoping to look completely at ease.
Elizabeth placed her clasped hands on the table and Lucas noticed that she was not wearing her wedding rings any longer. He couldn't help but wonder when that had happened. He was certain she'd been wearing them when they'd spoken yesterday afternoon, but there was a chance he just assumed she had been, as she always had since he'd met her. Neither of them spoke and the atmosphere quickly dropped into an uneasy quiet. She seemed to be having trouble beginning the conversation because he could see the effort it took for her to swallow several times. Lucas preferred not to prolong the uncomfortable situation, so he began instead.
"What brings you to the saloon today, Elizabeth?"
She sighed, whether in gratitude or something else, Lucas couldn't say.
"After the events of this morning, I know this seems to be a strange time to have this conversation, but I had planned on talking to you today anyway."
Lucas felt his heart sink further.
"Oh? What about?"
"Would," she cleared her throat, "would it be presumptuous to ask that if I said I was ready to officially begin courting again that you would not hesitate in declaring your intentions to do so?"
"No, it wouldn't and yes, I would expeditiously invite you to dinner," Lucas replied without delay. There was the tiniest visible wince to her features at his immediate affirmative answer.
Elizabeth nodded. "I thought you'd made it quite clear that was the case in Union City. And I very much appreciate your willingness to give me time, to wait until I was ready." She inhaled deeply.
Lucas waited with bated breath for the axe to fall.
"I first want to say that I am flattered that you would wish to court me and see me as a potential partner, but-but unfortunately my heart belongs to another. I couldn't, in good conscience, move forward publicly without informing you first."
A little late for that. Lucas was unable to stop the churlish thought. Thankfully, he did manage to keep what he hoped was a neutral expression outwardly. "I appreciate your kind consideration," he finally managed to say. He guessed he didn't succeed as much as he'd hoped because her face fell.
"Lucas, you have to know that I never meant to hurt you. If I gave the impression that I would choose you when I was ready, then I'm truly sorry. I can only say that I wasn't ready to listen to my heart, but I am now and I want to be honest with you." Elizabeth leaned forward in her earnestness and he knew she would not intentionally lead him on, but her admission that she hadn't listened to her heart could only mean that it had been Nathan's for far longer than any of them realized.
"I see." His reply was clipped. Rationally he knew she was being truthful and genuine about not wanting to hurt him, but he couldn't help it. His heart (and ego) was bruised and the thin politeness was all he could muster at the moment. He was just glad he wasn't lashing out with hurtful words, possibly irreparably damaging the foundation on which to continue their friendship. Lucas shifted and tried again. "I assume this means Nathan is your choice?"
Elizabeth nodded. Lucas sighed. "Elizabeth, I was willing to wait for you, as long as it took."
"Were you really, though?" she asked. Her tone was not accusatory, only genuinely curious.
Lucas was taken aback by her question. "I beg your pardon?! Just what does that mean?" he asked, affronted.
"Think about it, Lucas. You bought those Virginia Woolf tickets just for me, and there was that romantic picnic on the way to Union City. And what about last night?" She paused.
"What about it?" Lucas asked stiffly. He didn't like the implication that he had not stayed true to his word.
"Can you honestly say that last night was not going to be like a date? You may have said that it wasn't, but I'm sure that's not quite how you would've acted. I know that Rosemary was planning a big party to celebrate my book deal but postponed it until Bill and Nathan were back from Buxton. Unless you were planning some kind of short-notice receiving line like a practice book signing with people saying hello and grabbing a cookie and a glass of punch on their way to mingle outside, it was going to be just the two of us in the library, in a cozy and intimate setting-like a date. Am I wrong?"
Lucas couldn't answer because no, she wasn't wrong and that really grated on his nerves. He had been planning a pre-signing party before her book was released, but not for last night. What he'd had in mind when he'd said they should celebrate was indeed a grand romantic gesture that he would swear was not a date, but would no doubt be exactly what it was despite claiming otherwise.
He heard Elizabeth sigh again. "Lucas, I really am sorry. You're a wonderful man, and someday you will be a wonderful husband to a very lucky woman. I'm just not that woman."
Lucas kept silent. He was not used to rejection and wasn't quite sure how to respond with diplomacy.
"I understand this is hard for you, but I hope that we can still be friends. I would hate to lose your friendship," Elizabeth said softly.
Closing his eyes, Lucas took a few deep breaths, trying to find his equilibrium. Finally, he opened his eyes to see her sitting quietly, hands clasped on top of the table again, the tight grip the only indicator that she was tense as she awaited his response.
Taking another deep breath, Lucas released it and spoke, the words ones he'd hoped never to speak. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. You're right that this isn't easy, but your friendship is very special to me and I don't want to lose it, either. However, I would appreciate it if you and Nathan just gave me some time-and some space." Her jaw clenched. "I'm not saying you have to cross the road to avoid me or leave the mercantile if we run into each other there-just maybe don't eat at the saloon for a while," he suggested.
"Of course," Elizabeth agreed.
Elizabeth stood and Lucas rose as well. "I'll see you around, Lucas." Her voice was quiet and gentle. All he could do was nod. She turned and walked away, closing the door not only to his establishment, but also on his hopes and dreams. Much later, he would admit that Elizabeth had in fact not been the woman to hang his hopes and dreams on and she was only ever meant to be his friend.
Well, Lucas thought as he tugged on one jacket sleeve, then the other, I'll just have to find new hopes and dreams. Straightening his tie, Lucas turned and went to his office. There were several more ledgers for Gowen Petroleum he needed to familiarize himself with and maybe begin reading books about the oil business. He had too much on his mind to allow himself to wallow over the fact that he'd lost Elizabeth. The only consolation he felt was that Nathan was a good man and he would take care of Elizabeth and Little Jack. Lucas couldn't have lost her to a more worthy opponent. It gave him a modicum of peace of mind.
Back at Elizabeth's house, Nathan and Allie were almost finished with preparing lunch after Little Jack had fallen asleep only a few minutes after Allie had began reading to him. Cheddar potato soup and leftover rolls were on the menu. Nathan had thought grilled cheese and tomato soup sounded like a good option. It was simple and he now knew that simple was better when it concerned his cooking abilities and it was best to stick to his strengths. Allie had overruled his suggestion when she'd found the ingredients needed, save for the bacon to be fried and crumbled on top, for the potato soup.
Other than her directions on how much cheese to slice, the number of potatoes to peel, the size to chop them into, and the measurements of salt, pepper, and flour, Allie was quiet, not her usual chatty self as she went about chopping the onion, celery, and measuring water, milk, butter, and chicken stock. This worried Nathan, but he still wasn't sure if now was the time to prod her into talking. She was focused on her task and he marveled at her skilled technique of boiling, blending, and simmering ingredients into something that smelled delicious. His mouth watered in anticipation for the meal.
She's growing up too fast, he thought wistfully. He wondered when it had happened. It felt like just yesterday that she would struggle to pull herself up onto the settee and into his lap to snuggle for a pre-bedtime story or she would say 'Unca Nayten' because she couldn't yet pronounce it properly. He was jolted out of memory lane when Allie turned to him with a bright smile.
"We're done," she announced. "We just need to stir the soup every so often so it doesn't stick and make sure the oven isn't too hot and burns the rolls instead of just warming them."
"Well done, Allie. This is a far better meal than I proposed," Nathan praised his niece.
She blushed at his compliment and then waved it away in a manner so Elizabeth-like that it made Nathan smile.
Nathan and Allie gathered up plates, bowls, and cutlery, and set the table. Nathan was just giving it a once over to make sure nothing was missing when he noticed Allie fidget with a fork a few times.
"Allie, is something wrong?" he asked.
"No," she said, shrugging.
She wasn't fooling him. Nathan leveled his 'Mountie' stare at her and she cracked after only a moment's hesitation.
"It's just," she began, her reluctance to speak on what was bothering her evident, "with you and Elizabeth courting, does that mean you're planning to get married?"
"I hope to ask her very soon," Nathan said. If she still wants anything to do with me, a voice whispered darkly in the back of his mind. He ignored it. "Why do you ask? Are you okay with that?" Please say yes. Please, God, let Allie not be opposed.
Allie's eyes lit up and she bounced on the balls of her feet, "Yes! I want you and Elizabeth to get married. I want Little Jack to be my little brother and her to be my mom," she enthused. Her bright demeanor diminished and she brushed her ear on her shoulder. "It's just…well, I was wondering if that means you would-" Her words were cut off by the sound of the front door opening.
They both turned to see Elizabeth walking inside, effectively postponing the discussion that would still need to take place between him and Allie. Nathan noticed that Elizabeth's expression was serene, so he hoped that it meant her talk with Lucas had gone well, as well as could be expected considering the content of the conversation.
"Hello," Elizabeth said as she took her coat off and hung it on the coat tree. She sniffed the air and said, "Wow, it smells amazing in here!"
Allie blushed again. "It's just cheddar potato soup and leftover rolls."
Elizabeth smiled at her sleeping son and made her way over to the table. "Simple doesn't make a meal any less delicious if the cook is skilled, Allie."
Allie slightly preened at the continued praise.
"I couldn't agree more," Nathan added. "And much better than the grilled cheese and tomato soup I suggested."
Elizabeth smiled at him. "There's nothing wrong with grilled cheese and tomato soup, Nathan."
He was glad she tried to defend his choice, but still cringed. "Try saying that again after I've burned the sandwiches and soup."
Elizabeth averted her eyes as her lips twitched. "Well, it's surprisingly easy to burn soup…or roast a chicken until it's charred all the way through."
Nathan just nodded in commiseration. Allie, on the other hand, laughed. Either she was unable to suppress her laughter or didn't try. He guessed the latter. He and Elizabeth joined her.
"But you're such a good cook, Elizabeth," Allie said, apparently disbelieving the impression that Elizabeth had had as much trouble in the kitchen as Nathan continued to suffer.
"Not always, Allie. I came to Hope Valley with no knowledge of how to cook. I could barely even brew a decent pot of tea or coffee."
"What?" Allie's tone was one of incredulity. Even Nathan was a bit astonished.
"Well, my family is wealthy. We were fortunate that our circumstances allowed for us to have chefs and staff to cook all of our meals." Elizabeth explained her family's wealth without a boastful air, but with humility. "When I moved here, I was determined to make my own way as much as possible. The money my family sent me in my first months I spent to improve the materials I used for teaching and classroom supplies. And living here also meant learning to cook for myself since I didn't plan to live with Abigail indefinitely and the food served at the saloon at the time consisted of corn bread and chili. I'll never be as good as Abigail or Rosemary, but I can at least feed people without poisoning them or making them nauseous now."
"You can't be serious," Allie said.
Elizabeth just laughed. "If you don't believe me, just ask Emily about my attempts at roasted chicken, or Rosemary and my first chicken fried steak. Both chickens were inedible and I know for a fact Jack only ate my chicken fried steak because he was trying to prove a point…and I may have inadvertently guilted him into it. He likely would've gone straight to the infirmary if it had been open at the time for something to settle his certainly upset stomach after he'd left the cafe."
Nathan and Allie were both speechless. Nathan because he wondered how his cooking compared to Elizabeth's early days (not to mention wondering what point Jack had been trying to make and to whom), and Allie because she was probably still finding it hard to believe.
"Well, maybe you can teach me, then. I could definitely do with a good teacher, a teacher who is not Bill Avery," Nathan said.
Elizabeth and Allie both laughed.
"Bill wasn't bad when he taught me how to make his secret family recipe for chili," Elizabeth said, confused.
Nathan snorted. "Clearly Bill likes you more than me and is willing to be less rude and patient when instructing you."
"Ah. Well, I suppose that would explain it." Elizabeth said this with a straight face, but only just. He could see her eyes glittering in amusement, though. "Shall we eat?" she asked.
"Yes." Nathan was eager to move on from his lacking attributes.
"Do we wake Little Jack up to eat, too?" Allie asked, looking at the slumbering child in his crib.
"No," Elizabeth said. "He'll be a bit grouchy if we wake him before he's ready. He can have a snack after he's up to hold him over until dinner."
Nathan and Elizabeth served the food while Allie poured glasses of water for the three of them and they sat down to their simple but mouth-watering meal. Elizabeth said a short prayer, thanking God for the food, the hands that had made it, and the ability to do so. She asked for Him to be with the family and friends of Constable Novak. She asked for His continued protection and offered her gratitude for keeping Nathan and Bill safe. She closed the prayer and Nathan and Allie joined her in saying Amen, and they began to eat.