God knows we're worth it

…

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

-Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up"

When Elizabeth was sure she could no longer hear Nathan's footsteps, she let loose the sobs she'd been holding back. She couldn't be sure how long, but for several minutes the only sound she could hear were her own heart-wrenching sobs and the only thought was how much her heart was hurting. Over and over she asked herself, Why wouldn't he tell me?

She could understand why Nathan had not told her the day they'd first met. She even understood the first few months. But surely he knew by the time they'd become friends that he could trust her. Now, it just felt like he'd chosen not to tell her something of such importance because he didn't want to. But…that also wasn't what she knew of Nathan's character. He may have been more cautious when it came to his personal life, but he still didn't hesitate when it came to making a choice between right and wrong. It was one of the many traits of his that she found most attractive.

Her sobs had begun to taper off, and she was just sniffling by the time she felt something heavy drape around her shoulders and back-it was a blanket. Despite the fact that she became abruptly aware of just how cold she'd become and the blanket helped quite a lot, Elizabeth felt a stab of annoyance. She wanted to be left alone! She turned, not bothering to hide her irritation, but she was brought up short by the sight of Rosemary instead of Nathan.

"Rosemary?" Elizabeth said.

Rosemary smiled at her. It was a bit dimmer than usual, Elizabeth noticed. "May I sit with you for a moment, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth nodded dumbly. Rosemary hardly ever asked for permission for something as simple as sitting with someone. Rosemary made herself comfortable next to her.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked. Elizabeth was aware that her friend should still be at the dress shop. At least she thought Rosemary should, but maybe she'd been in the woods longer than it had felt like she had.

"Lee called me home when Nathan stopped by our house. He didn't want to ignore your request to be alone, but he also didn't want you to get too cold, so he asked if I could check on you if you stayed out here for much longer."

Oh, was all Elizabeth could think. And then her chest felt like it was suddenly expanding too quickly, and it was slightly painful to breathe. It was so contradictory. Nathan had kept a secret from her, a secret that hurt her, but he still wanted to take care of her, even if he couldn't do it himself. She didn't know what to think or how to feel.

"Nathan told Lee and I about Fort Clay and Jack replacing him on the training exercise. I'm so sorry, Elizabeth." The sympathy in Rosemary's voice was more than Elizabeth could handle.

She began crying again in earnest, and her friend didn't say anything, just wrapped her in a tight, comforting hug. When she'd cried herself out, Rosemary silently handed her a handkerchief. Elizabeth gratefully took it and wiped at her eyes and nose. Feeling a bit better, she turned to face her friend. Rosemary kept quiet, letting Elizabeth speak when she was ready. She had never appreciated Rosemary more.

"Rosemary, why wouldn't Nathan tell me this before now?" she asked in despair. "It doesn't make any sense! How could he say he's in love with me and yet keep something so important from me for so long?"

"Oh, Elizabeth," Rosemary said, brushing hair away from Elizabeth's face in a comforting and motherly fashion.

Amidst her feelings of hurt and betrayal, Elizabeth still felt a pang in her heart for her friend. Rosemary would make such an amazing mother and Lee a wonderful father. One only had to watch how they interacted not only with Elizabeth's son, but all of the children of Hope Valley to know they would be incredible parents if given the chance.

Rosemary sighed. "You know that loving someone doesn't keep us from making mistakes. I know that the anger I felt when I found out Lee hadn't told me about Susannah is nothing compared to how you feel, but it is similar. Because Lee didn't tell me until after his accident, I felt like maybe he felt like he couldn't trust me, even after being married for over four years. It was irrational, but I couldn't help how I felt in the moment. But after I had a little time to think about it, I realized that it was a painful subject for him, and it was a wound from so long ago that Lee didn't want to reopen it when Lee likely felt their estrangement was permanent."

Elizabeth wanted to retort that an estranged sibling relationship was not the same thing, but decided that Rosemary may have had a point, so she brought up another sticking point for her.

"Nathan said he requested a transfer here after Jack died. He said he felt responsible to look after and protect us." Which wasn't his job, she added mentally and stubbornly.

"Well, that sounds noble and selfless," Rosemary said.

Elizabeth felt angry again at Rosemary's defense of Nathan. "I never asked him to be noble! I never asked him to fall in love with me." Elizabeth felt the urge to stamp her foot in a childish manner. Why couldn't Rosemary just let her be mad at Nathan? Because Rosemary knows you need to hear the truth, a little voice said in the back of her mind.

Rosemary regarded Elizabeth with a look that was a mixture of understanding and chastisement. "Elizabeth, Jack's death wasn't Nathan's fault. You know that, don't you?"

"I-" Elizabeth didn't know what to say, so she closed her mouth. A part of her wanted to say Yes with all of her might; that if Nathan had gone on that training exercise, then she wouldn't be a widow and Jack would have a father. Charlotte Thornton wouldn't have lost her husband and son to the same profession and Tom Thornton wouldn't now be an only child. But at the same time, she realized that there was every possibility that Nathan might not have come home. He was honorable and so inherently good that there was no doubt he would've given his life to save the lives of the recruits he'd feel responsible for if he were in the same circumstances Jack had been in. It was one of the many traits Nathan had in common with Jack, but yet, he was still his own person. While Nathan and Jack were alike in many aspects, Elizabeth could see Nathan for who he was. There were just as many differences between him and Jack as there were similarities.

And if Nathan hadn't come home…he would've left people behind just as devastated as those were of Jack's life. Elizabeth felt so selfish. How could she even think of trading her happiness for that of sweet Allie and Eileen Grant? She may have never met Nathan's mother, but she could only imagine the grief that would encompass her, especially after already losing her husband to prison and her daughter to death. Allie would've lost that fiery spirit that never failed to amuse Elizabeth or make her shake her head in exasperation.

Rosemary patted her hand, bringing Elizabeth's focus back to the present. "Elizabeth, I would never dream of telling you how you should feel or what choice is the right one in this situation, because, frankly, I have no idea. But what I can do is offer my support. I would also like to offer a little of what I hope is wisdom." She took Elizabeth's hands. "People come into our lives, some for a reason, others for a season, and some for a lifetime. Jack was a season, and it was glorious. Now it's up to you to decide who might be here for a reason or perhaps even a lifetime. And once you've settled that in your heart you'll be able to throw yourself into that person's arms with all of your being. I'm not saying that person is Nathan. That's up to you. You need to decide if you can forgive Nathan and move forward together, or you need to let him go."

Rosemary squeezed her hands. "I know that this decision will not just affect you and Nathan, but Allie and Little Jack as well. I know that you want to factor them into your decision, but you can't. If you choose Nathan not because it's what you truly want but because you don't want to hurt the children, then you will all inevitably be unhappy. This has to be something you want with your whole heart, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth didn't know what to say and Rosemary seemed to sense that with her piece said and comfort offered, it was time to let Elizabeth think it all over by herself.

With one last squeeze, Rosemary released Elizabeth's hands and stood. I think Nathan went home and I could hear Allie and Laura playing with Little Jack. I will go and stay with them in the event you decide you want to talk to Nathan this evening."

"Thank you, Rosemary." Elizabeth gave her friend a tremulous smile of gratitude.

Rosemary returned her smile and left the clearing.

Elizabeth gathered the blanket Rosemary had left closer around her body. She appreciated the extra warmth the blanket provided. The fact that Nathan had sent Rosemary to her was like a balm to her aching heart. However, upon further thought, she realized that the ache was not as severe as it had felt before Rosemary had joined her. Rosemary's words had soothed the turmoil raging inside her since Nathan's confession.

For some reason, Rosemary's mention of seasons had Elizabeth thinking of flowers, and the thought of flowers brought forth to mind the Japanese Kintsugi vases she'd become enamored of several years ago. Her mother had gone through a phase of wanting to decorate several rooms with Asian accents, including art, flora, and furniture. It had not been a phase that had lasted very long, as Grace Thatcher loved redecorating with a passion. This meant that rooms were in a constant state of flux when it came to decor themes.

One of the items that had caught her attention the most was pottery that had been broken and pieced back together with a lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Viola had declared the streaks of color throughout the pottery pieces to be an ugly disruption to the original design. Therefore all pieces that had been brought into their home were an eyesore. Elizabeth had found them oddly beautiful, even at the tender age of fifteen and with little to no understanding how cruel the world could be.

She knew differently now. The idea of something beautiful that was broken could be put back together to make something even more beautiful resonated within Elizabeth deeply. She felt like she had been a broken vase for so long. With time and her son and friends, she had slowly been mending, her pieces fitting back together. All that had been missing was the metallic lacquer to finish the repairs, enhancing the beauty of the original piece. Her friends had been piecing her back together, and Nathan and Allie had come along, providing the colorful lacquer for completion. And suddenly she knew, she just knew, Nathan and Allie were meant to be in her life for a lifetime. Lucas had been for a reason. He was the man who initially made her think it was possible to open herself to love again. It would be a lie to say she had never considered him. How could she not? He was a good man. He was charming and kind, generous and caring, and would make a woman very happy someday. Despite such wonderful qualities, he was not the right man for Elizabeth. He never had been.

The right man had accepted that she had loved before him. He would neither try to take Jack's place nor would he try to pretend that her love for Jack was no longer a part of her. He had already begun treating her son as his own while not trying to replace Jack completely as a father. He had not pushed for more before she was ready to give it. He had wanted to look after her even if he couldn't personally see to her well-being. He could've kept his secret to himself for eternity. Especially since they had started their journey to entwining their lives together forever, but he'd risked it all just so there wouldn't be secrets between them.

How could she blame Nathan for fearing her reaction? Hadn't she been scared to give her heart fully to Jack because she wasn't sure if she was brave enough to be the wife of a Mountie? And just like then, and just like she'd told Allie the day before, living in fear was no way to live.

And with that thought, Elizabeth was up on her feet. In the next instant, she made her way back to the rowhouses, purpose in every step. She'd had to be brave and choose to love Jack, and now she was going to be brave and choose to forgive and love Nathan.

Several minutes later she was knocking on the door to her future.

Nathan was glad that Allie was still at Elizabeth's house after he'd left the Coulter home. He knew she would be able to tell that something was wrong and he didn't like the idea of having to tell Allie they may no longer become a family with Elizabeth and Little Jack just yet. He would, if that's what Elizabeth chose, but he would gladly welcome any delay he was afforded.

Not needing to hide his misery yet, Nathan just sat on the settee in defeat, staring at the wall but seeing nothing. Eventually there was a knock on his door. At least he knew it wasn't Allie since she would just come inside. He let his traitorous heart foolishly hope it was Elizabeth, but he quickly realized that if she was there so soon, it could only mean one thing: she was there to end their courtship.

Nathan was relieved to see Rosemary after opening the door.

"Hello, Nathan," she greeted. "May I come in?"

Nathan stepped backward, allowing Rosemary to step inside. He closed the door and turned to her. She had only taken a few steps so Nathan prepared himself for the scolding Rosemary had not had time to deliver before going to Elizabeth. He waited…and waited.

"I came by to let you know that Elizabeth stayed in the clearing, but she has a blanket to help keep her warm."

"Thank you," he said, truly grateful.

Rosemary shifted her weight back and forth, almost nervously, which completely surprised Nathan because she wasn't usually one to hold her peace. He thought it would be better to get this over sooner rather than later.

"What is it, Rosemary?"

Her eyes snapped back to his. "Well, I-I also wanted to apologize for my reaction earlier. I shouldn't have been so angry with you. I'm sorry." Rosemary's voice held not one ounce of insincerity and so much contrition that Nathan was stunned speechless for a moment.

"Rosemary, you have nothing to apologize for. I rightfully deserved your and Lee's anger," he assured her.

Rosemary shook her head. "You don't understand, Nathan. Does it upset me that you kept your connection to Jack a secret for so long? Yes. Do I understand why you did? Also, yes. And my anger was directed more at myself than you."

"I don't-why?"

"I-" Rosemary cleared her throat. "Do you know why I came to Hope Valley, Nathan?"

He shook his head in the negative.

"I came to try and win back my former fiancé after I'd broken our engagement two years previously to make my name on Broadway in New York City. I found success, maybe not as much as I'd hoped, but I was on my way.

"However, my life wasn't fulfilling. I was lonely. You could never tell if any friends you made were because she was trying to steal your role or steer you away from auditioning for the same play." She shrugged, but the sadness in her eyes belied her true feelings on the matter. "I foolishly and arrogantly thought that I could waltz back into his life after breaking his heart and we could move forward, forgetting the hurt and leaving it in the past. It was quite the rude awakening to realize that not only had my ex-fiancé healed from his heartbreak, but had also moved on, forging a new relationship with a woman."

Nathan couldn't help but feel he already knew the identity of Rosemary's past fiancé, but he still needed confirmation. "Who was your fiancé, Rosemary?" he asked, his voice almost whisper-soft.

"Jack," was the name Rosemary said.

Of course it was Jack. It was the only name she could say! he thought. What he didn't understand was why she was telling him this. He didn't see how it connected to him and Elizabeth and what they were facing.

Rosemary sighed. What she said next was like she'd read his mind. "Instead of accepting that I'd lost Jack, I was determined to win him back, at any cost. I'd only considered what I wanted, and I'm sorry to say that I caused Elizabeth and Jack some pain along the way. Jack not telling Elizabeth that he'd been engaged planted the seed of doubt in her mind, and I nurtured it, trying very hard to separate them.

"I believe that is what Elizabeth is struggling with. She's grappling with the notion that you don't trust her to tell her important things, even if they are difficult subjects."

Nathan opened his mouth to tell Rosemary that he absolutely trusts Elizabeth, but she held up her hand to silence him. He closed his mouth.

"I know that's not true. You don't have to tell me that. Elizabeth also knows that; she just needs time to remember that we all make mistakes-some small, others big-in life, but it doesn't mean that we care any less for those we love. I'm not saying that you should give up hope, but that you just need to give Elizabeth time. I know that won't be easy, but if you push her-and no, I don't think you would-you will lose her.

"I firmly believe that Elizabeth will not end your courtship. You could have kept this from her indefinitely. The fact that you were willing to put your future with her in jeopardy just to tell her the truth shows that you value her happiness above your own. It also proves that you are a better person than I was back then, and that right there is the source of my anger. I wish I could've been as brave and selfless as you were today."

Nathan didn't know what to say. He could appreciate that it couldn't have been easy for Rosemary to give him a glimpse into her past and to offer a tentative understanding into how Elizabeth may be feeling. And maybe she was right, maybe he shouldn't give up hope. Until Elizabeth formally ended their courtship, Nathan wouldn't give up. He would give her all the time she needed, it might be rough for a while, but he would still fight for them. They were worth it.

Rosemary squeezed his arm affectionately and left without another word. Nathan felt hope swell within him and the despair receded ever so slightly. He would look up and hope for the best.

There was another knock on his door and his heart leapt when it was Elizabeth on the other side.