I can't imagine

Life without your love

And even forever

Don't seem like long enough

…

You keep me drowning in your love

-Backstreet Boys, "Drowning"

Elizabeth and Nathan just stared at each other. She was still standing on his porch and Nathan was in the doorway. Neither spoke nor moved, as if they were frozen. Now that Elizabeth was facing of Nathan, she seemed to have lost her ability to speak, unable to find the words to articulate how she felt.

Seeming to come back to himself, Nathan took a couple steps back, silently inviting her into his home. Elizabeth accepted, just as quietly as him. With an unspoken agreement, they both sat on the settee. They stared at one another again, both floundering in a sea of uncertainty.

Elizabeth had no idea what Nathan was thinking because he kept his expression wary and guarded instead of open. With an internal jolt she realized that she recognized the look. It was the same one he wore when he'd thought she was going to tell him that her and Lucas were courting.

He thinks I'm here to break things off, she thought with sudden understanding. And guilt, because she never wanted to be the cause for Nathan to suffer. Not if she could help it.

"Nathan," she began softly. "I can appreciate how difficult it was for you to tell me about Jack replacing you. I'm not happy that it took as long as it did for you to tell me, but I can also understand why." She took a deep breath. I can do this, she told herself. "Jack might have taken the place for anyone on that mission, it just happened to be you. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, I don't blame you for his death."

The relief she saw in his eyes was palpable. A weight lifted from her own shoulders as she absolved him of guilt that was never his to carry in the first place.

Nathan took her hands in his and squeezed. "Thank you."

Taking another deep breath and gazing into the depths of Nathan's beautiful blue eyes, Elizabeth took the plunge. "Nathan, I do love you, it would be impossible not to. And-and I don't want us to be over before we've even truly begun. But from here on out, we have to be completely honest with each other. No protecting one another from hard or unpleasant truths. Okay?"

"Okay," Nathan immediately agreed.

Elizabeth bestowed a soft smile on and leaned forward at the same time Nathan did, their foreheads touching. They were silent, just taking in each other and finding solace in the simple act of touch.

"I'm so sorry, Elizabeth," Nathan whispered.

"I know, Nathan, I know," she whispered back.

Elizabeth had no idea how long they lingered in their embrace, but the chimes of a clock brought them back to reality. Although the hour was not very late, it had still been another emotional day; Elizabeth was ready to call it a night soon, looking forward to starting afresh with the rising sun.

Elizabeth and Nathan pulled away from each other.

"You should get home to Little Jack," Nathan said.

She smiled. "Yes. I'll see you in the morning?"

Nathan nodded and walked her to the door.

Elizabeth turned back to face him before she left, though. "Nathan, how does dinner tomorrow with the children at the cafe sound?"

Nathan smiled."It sounds great."

"Good. Good night, Nathan."

"Good night, Elizabeth."

With one final squeeze of hands and smiles exchanged, Elizabeth departed for her home.

After hanging her coat on the coat tree, Elizabeth looked around the room. She saw that Laura was nowhere in sight-most likely gone home, and Rosemary, Allie, and Little Jack were seated at the table with various dishes spread before them.

"We weren't sure how long you would be, so I thought it best if the children had dinner and Laura went home before it got too much later," Rosemary explained tentatively.

Elizabeth waved her hand in thanks. "I'm glad. I didn't expect for Nathan and I to be out this long."

She saw no suspicious look from Allie, so Elizabeth assumed that she didn't know there had been an issue between her and her uncle. Rosemary's slight shake of her head confirmed it. There was also a look of anxious questioning in her friend's eyes. It was well hidden from Allie, but Elizabeth knew Rosemary well enough that she could see it. The smile she sent back was all Rosemary needed to know that everything was going to be fine. Her returning smile beamed just as brightly.

Rosemary stood and turned to remove a cloth-covered plate that was being kept warm on the stovetop. "I have a plate ready for you, Elizabeth."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said as she sat down and began to eat.

Rosemary started gathering up dishes and shot a quelling look at Elizabeth when she began to protest. Without being asked, Allie helped Rosemary with the task and then volunteered to clean Little Jack up. He wasn't quite as messy of an eater anymore, but sometimes he still missed his mouth, and sometimes used his hands to retrieve the dropped food rather than a utensil. The sight made Elizabeth's heart feel light. With Allie's fear assuaged that she would not be forgotten or pushed into the background with her uncle's new relationship, she was approaching the idea of being a big sister with gusto.

Later, after Rosemary had offered to walk Allie home and when Little Jack was sleeping soundly in his crib, Elizabeth just stood in the doorway and watched as his chest rose and fell steadily. Soon, he would be needing a bigger bed. A real bed. She had half a mind to ask Nathan to build it instead of ordering one through the mercantile. Perhaps he could carve horses into the headboard since he was such a skilled carpenter and they were Jack's favorite animal. But what if he grew out of horses being his favorite? Then he would be stuck with them and she couldn't reasonably ask Nathan to make an entire new headboard just because her son had changed his mind, as children were wont to do.

Stop, she said to herself. Elizabeth was falling into a rabbit hole of thoughts and she didn't want to get stuck like Alice had. It was late and she was tired. All she wanted to do was go to bed and wake up refreshed, ready to take more steps forward, steps with Nathan and Allie.

Elizabeth fell asleep quickly. Her dreams that night consisted of picnics by the pond with Nathan and the children and Nathan's arms wrapped snugly around her as they cuddled on the settee, admiring a freshly decorated Christmas tree while childish giggles echoed from two excited children heading upstairs to bed. It was things that sweet dreams were made of.

"How was your afternoon with Laura and Little Jack?" Nathan asked his niece after Rosemary had seen her home safely and Allie had thanked her again for making dinner for her at Elizabeth's. Nathan was glad. He didn't really have the energy to fix a meal, but he would have if needed. Being a parent was a full-time job and he wouldn't ignore Allie's needs just because he was tired. Parenting didn't work that way. At least, for most people it didn't.

"It was good!" she exclaimed happily. "We had cookies, but not too many-just like we promised-and I was able to help Laura with some of her math homework she was having trouble with and she started teaching me how to sketch people. She said that sometimes Elizabeth has drawing contests with prizes, but she can't enter them since she's not technically a student here anymore. I asked if she would help me improve my drawing skills. That way, if I ever win, she would still be participating in a way and I also told her we could share whatever the prize is."

Nathan was so proud of Allie. She was not only making friends again, but she was also taking the first steps to forge new friendships without help from him or Elizabeth. It looked like Allie wasn't trying to protect herself anymore. She was ready and willing to begin friendships and didn't worry she would end up alone again when Nathan was inevitably reassigned, which would not be happening. He and Allie were in Hope Valley to stay.

"That's great, kiddo," Nathan said. "Do you have any homework left?"

"Nope. I got it all done this afternoon with Laura," she said smugly, then yawned. Widely.

Nathan laughed. "You look like you're ready for bed."

Allie nodded. "It was so much fun playing with Little Jack, but he has so much energy. I don't know how Laura keeps up with him," she said with another yawn.

Nathan tried not to grin. "I'm sure it's all about practice."

Allie just nodded again, looking like she might fall over asleep any second.

"Why don't you get ready for bed, Allie. I'll be up soon to say goodnight."

"Okay, Uncle Nathan," Allie said.

She neither complained that she was too old to be tucked in nor did she try to argue that she wasn't tired. She just walked upstairs. He would give her time to brush her teeth and change before he went up.

If Allie weren't so tired, she probably would've prodded him into admitting he hadn't eaten himself, but he was thankful she hadn't thought to ask. Despite the relief he felt that he and Elizabeth were on solid ground again, the back and forth of the day had taken its toll and although he'd barely eaten breakfast or lunch, he didn't think his stomach was up for food. If he had many more days like the last two, he was going to be diagnosed with an ulcer and drinking cabbage juice alongside Ned Yost.

He shuddered at the thought.

Deciding not to chance developing the condition, he quickly ate an apple and drank a glass of water so there was something in his stomach before heading upstairs.

Allie was already in bed and although half asleep, she still assured him that she had brushed her teeth. She even joked that her toothbrush was wet if he needed evidence to prove her claim.

"I'll take your word for it this time," he said with a smile.

"You and Elizabeth were gone a long time today. I'm glad you and Elizabeth enjoyed your afternoon together, Uncle Nathan," she said drowsily.

Enjoyed was definitely not the word Nathan would use to describe most of his time with Elizabeth earlier, but Allie didn't need to know that. "Thank you," he said. "Good night, kiddo."

"Night."

Nathan spent a few minutes watching his niece sleep, so grateful that his poorly handled secret and revelation would not cause him to break Allie's heart as well as his own. She was clearly ecstatic that he and Elizabeth were courting and was eager to merge their families into one. So was Nathan. He would not take for granted the fact that Elizabeth didn't blame him for Jack's death, had forgiven him for his decision to keep his connection to Jack to himself for as long as he did, and still wanted to be with him.

It had only been a little over a day of being certain Elizabeth loved him before she could've withdrawn it. He couldn't imagine living without her love. Even if they spent forever together, he knew it would never be long enough. He felt sure he could drown in her love and he was absolutely fine if that was his fate.

"Lee?" Rosemary said to get her husband's attention.

They were in bed, and Lee was fluffing his pillows. Again. Rosemary's exasperation by her husband's excessive pillow fluffing was never-ending. She'd never known a person to need to re-situate a pillow as many times as Lee did before settling down to sleep each night.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I was thinking that we should have Elizabeth, Nathan, and the children over for dinner soon." Rosemary had told Lee that Elizabeth and Nathan were all right after Nathan's revelation and her short talk with her best friend. She didn't have the details of their reconciliation, of course, but she was sure they would talk about it soon. She was glad Elizabeth had decided to let love win instead of fear and anger.

"I agree," Lee said. "I'm sure it won't be long before he's a permanent fixture in our lives in a capacity more than just our Mountie and acquaintance, so I think it's a good idea that we get to know him better. And I know you like spending time with Allie, too." Lee leveled a knowing gaze at her.

Rosemary smiled at her husband. Their reasons to extend their hand of friendship to the Mountie and his niece were the same. She adored Lee so much. He knew and understood her even better than Jack had-and they'd grown up together and were engaged at one point. She'd never expected to find a man who would love her as much as Leland Coulter did. She counted her lucky stars everyday and night that this amazing man had been so patient, had waited for her to realize that she was no longer in love with Jack Thornton, and was willing to wait for her to admit she had feelings for him. She'd been astounded that he'd wanted her to fulfill her desire to become a moving picture star when the chance had been offered-even if it meant he would have to let her go.

"She's such a delightful and entertaining child," she said, chuckling. "I'll talk to Elizabeth tomorrow and see when would work best for them," she said.

"Sounds good, sweetheart."

Rosemary touched her husband's cheek. "I love you, Lee Coulter."

Lee's dimpled smile shone back at her. "And I love you, Rosemary Coulter."

The next day dawned with a mist that dimmed the rising sun. The air was quite chilly and the light frost coating the ground was a sign that winter was well and truly on its way to Hope Valley.

Allie had surprised Nathan by not only waking before him, but had already started breakfast by the time he'd made his way downstairs. She had graciously allowed him to help with breakfast by rinsing and adding blueberries to the bowl of pancake batter she'd already mixed before directing him to set the table. He had grinned at her authoritative manner. She would make an excellent general directing troops-if women were given career opportunities as such, he thought, chuckling to himself.

Allie decided she didn't want to go school early again, so she opted to stay behind to walk with Opal and Mrs. Weise. Nathan didn't mind. Allie would still be safe and would remain blissfully unaware if there happened to be any residual timidity between him and Elizabeth.

After knocking on Elizabeth's front door, she quickly stepped outside with basket in hand, which he took and she smiled her thanks. She explained that she didn't want Little Jack to think they were taking him to visit Newton again. They would both be late with the time it would take to explain they weren't and soothing his disappointment and Laura would then be left with a pouting little boy. Nathan couldn't disagree with her logic.

He was so happy that there was no hesitancy at all when she snaked her arm through his in a manner that was quickly becoming their norm. Nathan liked it. They took their time walking into town.

"How's your morning been?" she asked.

"Good. Allie surprised me with blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Colleen made them often before she got sick, so I think it's something she remembers sharing with her mom."

"Oh, that's wonderful," Elizabeth said. "She shared with me that she doesn't remember much about her mom."

Nathan could hear the sadness in her voice, no doubt thinking that Little Jack would not have even the smallest reminder of his father.

"I know. She also told me that after my father had sent his fourth letter. She said she felt like she's getting to know her mom better, even though it's through memories from other people. I think she likes to have a perspective different from mine and my mom's."

"I'm sure she does. Who were you and Colleen more alike compared to your parents?"

Nathan didn't have to think about the question at all. It had always been very clear which parent their behaviors favored the most.

"My mom and I have always been the quiet ones. Dad and Colleen were the social butterflies. Neither of them ever met a stranger and Colleen could talk your ear off if you gave her the chance," he said, fondly remembering his sister's talkative and bubbly personality.

Elizabeth chuckled. Nathan arched an inquisitive brow at her. "Colleen sounds like Julie, my younger sister. She's the same way and just like my mother when it comes to loving social engagements. Father and I have always been quiet, more interested in pursuing knowledge over the latest on-dits. I do like being around people, but a perfect night to my sisters and mother would be dancing and gossiping all night, whereas I would prefer to be in the library with a good book and a cup of tea or hot cocoa. My father also liked to read, but with brandy instead of tea. His main reasons to attend or host social functions were to keep my mother and sisters happy and to maintain his business connections."

"I remember thinking Julie was a lot like my sister when I met her last year." He laughed. "I can also see you trotting off to the library if a dinner party drug on too long." He smiled crookedly at her.

She elbowed him lightly, then lifted her head higher. "I'll have you know that I have never trotted a day in my life, Nathan Grant." The hauteur accompanying her statement did not last long as she quickly broke into a giggle.

"I beg to differ, Elizabeth Thornton."

"Excuse me?"

"When your mind is set on something or intent on accomplishing a certain task, you absolutely trot. Have you never noticed?" he asked.

"What? No!" she exclaimed. "Really?"

"Yes. You should have seen the way you took charge when the rain didn't let up on Jesse and Clara's wedding day. I thought I was seeing one of my old instructors back at the academy. And don't forget the way you charged into my office last Christmas Eve demanding to know why I hadn't told you about my promotion."

Elizabeth huffed. "I-well-I just wanted to make sure Jesse and Clara's day was as perfect as could be under the circumstances and I didn't want Allie to have to start over when she was finally settling into Hope Valley."

He quirked a brow at her again. "Was that the only reason you didn't want us to leave?" He was really enjoying their flirty banter.

"No," she said, blushing. "I didn't want you to leave, either. I just wasn't ready to admit it-to anyone-yet."

"I know," Nathan said. "I wasn't ready to admit why I wanted to stay, either."

Elizabeth's eyes softened as she smiled at him. She surprised him by stepping around to stand in front of him, facing him. His heart rate spiked. Cupping his cheek, she said, "Nathan, we've come a long way since then. We've had some bumps in the road, and I'm sure they won't be the last, which is normal for couples, but we have each other and we have Allie and Little Jack, too. That's all that matters."

"It is. You are an amazing woman, Elizabeth Thornton, and I love you," Nathan said as he brushed some hair behind her ear.

"I love you, too." Elizabeth rose up and kissed his cheek.

Bill sat in his office, tapping his finger on the desktop, deep in thought. Not long ago, Nathan, who had been coming from either the livery or the schoolhouse-Bill would bet the schoolhouse, had called his name to get his attention. After following Bill into his office, Nathan had revealed his connection to Jack. Finally. But Bill had already known. The day after Nathan had introduced himself as Hope Valley's new Mountie, Bill had made some phone calls, wanting to find out as much as possible about the man who would take over the protection of his town and fill the position of the man who had been a son to him.

Chief Superintendent Samuel Collins and Bill were friends from long ago during their early Mountie days and had been more than happy to impart knowledge of Constable Nathan Grant. Bill had learned of his integrity, his strong sense of duty, and his actions to always try to do the right thing, which is how he also learned that Nathan had been stationed at Fort Clay during the same time as Jack. Knowing how close Bill and Jack had been and feeling Bill would do better with forewarning, Sam had made the decision to tell Bill about Nathan's suspension and Jack replacing him on that training mission.

To say that Bill had been shocked would be an understatement. Sam had emphasized that there was no fault on Nathan's part, which Bill had not contested. It wasn't as if Nathan had been the person to pick Jack as his replacement. It had just been a random choice that had had a tragic and long-lasting impact on Elizabeth and Jack's family and friends.

After his impromptu meeting with Nathan, Bill continued to make arrangements for the trial of the O'Rourke siblings. Elias still needed to be tried for his crimes of theft in addition to an accessory to murder. The O'Rourke family had hired a team of defense lawyers for Jenny and Bill was obligated to give them time to put together a case.

Not that it would do her much good, Bill thought. He knew she was young and she hadn't meant to kill anyone, but she had made her bed, now she must lie in it, as the saying goes.

Bill made a note to himself to seek Elizabeth out at some point before the day's end. Nathan had said that Elizabeth had forgiven him and they were moving forward, but she had become a daughter to him and he still wanted to check on her, to make sure she was okay for himself. He could only imagine how she must've felt yesterday when Nathan had told her about Fort Clay.

The ringing of the telephone interrupted his reverie.

"Hello?"

Judge Avery, I have Chief Superintendent Collins on the line for you, Florence said.

He was always impressed by Florence's capability to be professional while operating the switchboard now. It had been a long time since she was frazzled by all of the wires or keenly interested in gossip. Especially since the debacle the rumor of food poisoning had created.

"Thank you, Florence," Bill replied.

There was a lull and then a You are connected.

Bill? The voice of Sam Collins came over the line.

"Sam. What can I do for you?" Bill had no idea why Sam was calling. He was sure they'd taken care of all Mountie-related business already in the last two days.

Howdy there, Bill. I was just wanting to check in on all of you there in Hope Valley. How is Constable Grant holding up?

"He's doing fine, considering the situation."

Good. Constable Howard?

"Fine as well."

Good, good. And the brother and sister?

"Jenny still hasn't said a word and Elias has been quiet compared to how vocal he was before the transfer-as he should be," Bill added gruffly.

Yes, nasty business, to be sure. Have you set a date for trial yet?

"Yes. The defense lawyers from Buxton arrived last night and the prosecutor is set to arrive today. I've set the trial for Elias to begin on Monday and Jenny's will follow the day after his concludes. The next three days should give them all ample time to create their arguments."

And who is the prosecutor?

"I called in a favor to Samantha Madison. She helped the widows win against the Pacific Northwest Mining Company several years ago. I felt a good prosecutor was needed since the defense lawyers asked for a jury." Bill felt it probably wouldn't make much difference if the prosecutor was aggressive or not, which Sam definitely was. The residents of Hope Valley were acutely aware of what it was like to lose a beloved Mountie, and it was not likely they would be on the lenient side when it came time to render their verdicts.

During the selection process, Bill had chosen Lucas, Jesse, Kevin Townsend, Fiona Miller, Kurt Lawson, and Bertha Hayford to serve as the jurors. Bill felt these six may be the most objective. He'd tried to steer clear from those who were extremely busy-Carson, Lee, Clara, and parents, those who had lost loved ones in recent years-the widows and Ned Yost, and those who were too closely connected to the people (mainly him and Nathan) involved-Elizabeth and Rosemary by extension, as she would judge based on her friendship with Elizabeth and how she would've been affected if he or Nathan had died instead.

Bill couldn't help but think that a few inches difference in direction or angle and the bullet could've ended his or Nathan's life instead of Constable Novak's. It was a sobering thought, to be sure.

Well, I just wanted to check in with you, make sure all is as well as could be, Sam said, breaking into Bill's thoughts, which had drifted.

"Thank you, Sam. I'll pass along your sentiments. I appreciate it, and I know the others do as well."

Call if you need anything further.

"I will," Bill assured.

After hanging up, Bill once again sat back in his chair. He decided he'd brooded enough for the day. Straightening in his chair, Bill got back to work. A judge's work was never done, after all.

Elizabeth sat on the bottom step of the schoolhouse, watching over her students during the morning recess. Looking around, joy filled her heart to see smiling, happy children. Allie and Opal had both shared a shy, secret smile with her on their way into the classroom before school had started. Elizabeth assumed that Allie had shared with her friend that she and Nathan were courting, but must've said they were keeping it to themselves for the time being.

There really wasn't a need for secrecy any longer, however. Elizabeth had talked to Lucas, so there wasn't a reason to hide their relationship. Nathan had walked her to school the last two mornings, but it had been early enough that most people weren't out and about yet, and therefore wouldn't have seen them. Plus, Allie had been with them yesterday, and anyone who had seen them would probably think his main reason was his niece.

Although, she mused, people are aware that both Nathan and Lucas had nonverbally declared their intentions to everyone to court me just before Clara and Jesse's wedding. And after her trip to Union City with Lucas, she was sure it had been assumed she had chosen him. Elizabeth wished people weren't so interested in her love life, but it was, unfortunately, natural. Curiosity and all that. She also knew that they just wanted her to be happy again. She wanted that too and she knew she had found it. The addition of Nathan and Allie would make her life complete.

Elizabeth decided that her and Little Jack going to dinner with Nathan and Allie would be the perfect way to announce their courtship without making a big deal out of it. She certainly didn't want their debut to be as dramatic as Faith and Carson's had been. Elizabeth smiled, remembering how the chatter describing Carson suddenly dropping his medical bag and kissing Faith in the middle of the road in full view of everyone had lasted for weeks. Neither her nor Nathan would relish that sort of attention.

Elizabeth rang the cowbell to call the students back into the classroom. The rest of the school day passed as usual and soon the students were dismissed.

Nathan strode into the empty classroom. They greeted each other with a smile.

"How was school?" Nathan inquired as he came to a stop in front of her.

"It was good. No fights and everyone turned in their essays on time. The type of day every teacher loves to have," Elizabeth replied.

"Are you staying here to grade the essays or going home?"

"Home. It's warmer and I can take breaks to play with Little Jack." She leaned forward. "I have a secret. Grading homework, while sometimes entertaining, is one of my least favorite parts of being a teacher." She smiled mischievously at him.

"Your secret is safe with me," Nathan said, placing a hand over his heart.

Elizabeth giggled. "How was your day?"

"It was…okay. I talked to Bill this morning. I told him about Fort Clay."

"Ah," Elizabeth said. "Did-did that go…all right" she asked, unease in her tone.

Nathan frowned a little. "It did, actually. Surprisingly, Bill wasn't as upset as I'd thought he would be. I expected him to throw me out of his office, maybe even punch me, to be honest."

"Bill can be brusque at times, but he's a fair man. He knows it's not your fault, Nathan," she assured.

"I know, but-"

"Nathan," Elizabeth cut him off, "we talked about this last night. You are not to blame in any way for what happened to Jack," she said firmly.

She saw the moment he realized it was futile to argue and was pleased to see him sigh in agreement.

"Is Allie waiting for us outside?" She didn't want Allie to get cold if she were waiting for them.

"No. She went to Opal's to do homework with her, Emily, and Anna. I can walk you home before I start my rounds," he offered.

"Isn't it earlier than usual for your rounds?" Elizabeth said, slightly confused.

"Yes, but I want to make sure I have plenty of time to change before we go to dinner. I don't want to be in uniform or late for our first public outing." Nathan blushed at his admission.

Elizabeth felt those butterflies in her stomach again. Making a decision right there and then, she faced him, winding her arms around his middle and clasping her hands together behind his back. Nathan was surprised but he quickly reciprocated the action, his gaze questioning.

Raising up onto her tiptoes, Elizabeth pressed her lips against Nathan's. She could tell he was not prepared for the kiss, but he quickly overcame his shock and molded his lips to hers.

This kiss lasted minutes, or hours; Elizabeth didn't know, nor did she care.

When the kiss ended, they rested their foreheads together, breathing in each other. Elizabeth's heart pounded in her chest.

"It's been a long time since I've kissed someone. I hope that was okay," Nathan quietly confessed.

"It was perfect."