This was a painful chapter for me to write. I say that a lot don't I? Hell they're all painful because I want them to be just perfect for you guys. Please bear with me as I try to translate the pain of a lifetime, from my own experience with migraines and cluster headaches, I will try to show how our heroine feels during the transformation. I wasn't sure what to compare the transformation to so I used personal experience with pain as what could only be a life changing experience for her. Please enjoy! Comment and review! And check out the title song to listen to while you read!

Give Me Novacaine by Gteen Day

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"Everything will be all right."

That's the biggest lie I have ever heard.

Fuck that.

This sensations overwhelming.

Tell me I won't feel a thing.

Laying on this table naked in front of a pair of healers that I didn't know was very anxiety causing as he waited by the doorway and I peeked at him. He looked very stoic as he had kissed me before I laid down and told me something very soothing.

"Everything will be all right."

Out of body and out of mind.

That's what the healer described how it would feel to me, that I would either feel very little as my body tries to process the change or that I would feel everything.

I prayed for the former.

The yautja didn't really believe in pain medication so must were knocked out, performed on then the pain after wards was dealt with the sheer force of will. It was a test.

A test of will.

Of strength.

Was I strong enough?

Please Paya let me be so.

I was lifted by the machine in the table so I was lying on my side, my bareness now the least of my worries when I saw the arms come up. Needles as long as my forefinger were present and then were arranged along my spine, two at the base of my skull. My body would be flooded with a controlled virus that would change my dna, my internal structure just enough to let my ovum join with his sperm.

I don't know the science of it but he explained it to me and truly I was lost in his words when he said 'internal reorganization'.

Xian.

My eyes went to him and he had turned his head from me to look away as if he could not bear to see what came next.

Won't you look at me?

I'm doing this for you.

Xian.

Xian?

When the first needle slides in I almost don't feel it and then it buries itself deep into my spinal cord and that made my eyes go wide. One needle at a time, each one felt like liquid fire but I bit my lip hard enough to break the skin. I can do this I can take this I want to do this.

When all ten needles are inside me I think its over until the healer says somewhere above my head.

"Begin the injection."

I'm dying.

I scream as what can only be described as the worst pain I have ever felt flows into every nerve ending scorching and clawing them out one by one. This is not a fast process either as my hands are restrained, bound tightly so not to injure myself and all I can see is white.

Blackness will not come and save me.

Save me Xian.

I'm sorry.

I don't want this, make it stop.

Please?

I say all this and more as I spit my hatred for the yautja race, for males, for Paya all until there is nothing but a unending sob escaping my lips. I remember vaguely that this procedure can take several hours to complete and that does nothing to soothe the fact that I feel like I am dying.

Please kill me.

Pull the needles out, make it stop.

Xian save me, save me please Xian.

Why won't you save me?

The world begins to spiral into a hazy hurricane that threatens to rip me form the very tethers of this world. I can taste blood on my lips and I arch completely off the table like a jolt of lightning has just struck me.

My eyes roll back into my eyes and there is nothing now, nothing that can save me now as I pray for the Dark Hunter to take me. Bless me with death from this vigil of pain that has engulfed my entire existence.

I hear voices somewhere in the storm, whispers that I can barely understand.

"…..is that not enough? Look at her…."

"…..transformation is proceeding well, hunter, worry not…."

"….if she dies I will pull your insides from your mouths, healer…."

If she dies…

Am I dying?

I close my eyes and finally the blackness, the deep cool of unconsciousness takes me and there is nothing more I can do.

Nothing more I have left.

I feel a soft touch on my cheek and my eyes open, fluttering my eyes as I stare into the impossibly bright light. Someone touches my cheek and it takes all of my will to look to my right only to see him. He glows like a sun deity head cocked in concern and his voice is garbled before I can make it out.

"…you hear me?"

I blink slowly, enjoying this lull, this stillness that is just us as his large hand cups my cheek and jaw, thumb tugging at my lower lip.

"Am I dead?"

He laughs softly and brushes a curl out of my eyes. "No. For I would pull you from the clutches of the Dark Warrior himself if I had to."

I laughed and it hurt to do so as I took a moment to just breathe. "Is it…done?"

His eyes shine brightly as he strokes my face. "You are brave. Your fury was fierce during the procedure."

"I feel like shit, Xian,"

"Sei-I you are very weak. You must rest many days before we can…." He thought for a moment to come up with the correct word. "….try. Your health is more important, my flower."

"Xian," I blush and it takes all my upper body strength to lift my arm and touch his face, my thumb smoothing over his mandible and I smile as much as I can. "We will try at the right time."

Just at the right time.