Reviews:

Takia5683: Of course! When I first thought of Wireframe, I also imagined it fighting several canon stands, and it was always really fun theorizing stand battles and matchups and whatnot, but Avdol's Magician's Red was always one of my favorites simply because its an interesting matchup. If you have any other matchup ideas, let me know! I'd love to write some more when I have the time.

SentinalSlice: I don't think I'll write Wonder of U but after looking it up, I can definitely imagine it being a fun one to write. It's certainly interesting enough at the least. Naofumi would probably just walk up to it and put the fear of god in it just for the lols.

Guest: When you get here, thanks :)

Yeet: When you get here, thanks but again :)

GundamDemon: Yes, I'm pretty sure I've said this in the Notes section at the bottom of a couple chapters (especially chapter 26 (listed as chapter 28)) but I WILL continue this story once season 2 comes out, since I don't know what happens and I would like to be able to reference source material while I do my own thing at the very least.

Oingo Boingo: Requested by Phara Mine on I think Ao3(?)

"Are you sure about this, little brother?" A large man with a pink shirt, light blue jacket, green pants and a strange tall cap asked a much smaller boy.

"My Totht's predictions are inescapable b-brother, we just need to have faith a-and stick to the fortunes," the boy responded. He was dressed in baggy jeans, a dark green jacket with a yellow shirt, and had on a golf cap backwards, allowing his pillar of hair to present itself.

Where most people would see two oddly dressed delinquents or maybe even a pair of brothers touring the country, going by their atrocious outfits, these two were actually incredibly dangerous men with abilities most people could only dream of holding onto.

One with the power to morph his own body to resemble any other man on the planet, the other with the power to tell the future itself. These two were prepared, able bodied, and ready to work for their new boss… even if their new boss never really gave them a choice in the matter.

They were the Oingo Boingo brothers and together, they would assassinate the Joestar group.

"I… I understand that, but… do I have to?" Oingo all but pleaded to his little brother, Boingo.

Boingo closed his eyes with remorse, "You must."

Oingo mourned his fate. One of the few gifted with a powerful ability, doing his best to live a life free of violence, one where he could call himself a good person all while trying to care for his brother, and he would be reduced to… that?

Oingo fell to his knees, crying out to the gods in a silent bark of anger. 'Why?' He mouthed out to no one.

He steeled himself, this wasn't about his pride, this was about his little brother. If he didn't do this, there was a good chance they wouldn't have money to last through the year, if they even escaped DIO's wrath.

Oingo gripped his fists, rose to a determined stance and shouted, "All right! Let's do this thing!"

Honestly, ever since he had joined these guys on their quest to take out DIO, he felt more like a babysitter than anything. It had only been two weeks since Avdol, the powerful fire stand user, had defeated him in stand combat and freed him from DIO's flesh bud's control. Of course, he immediately freed everyone from the Joestar group and apologized profusely, but he still wasn't satisfied. Hearing this, the group had offered him a spot alongside them, one he took with little hesitation. There was simply no future he would allow where DIO was allowed to endanger everyone in this world.

Of course, he never imagined that these six stand users, yes he's including the dog, could be this… irresponsible.

All he could think as he saw Joseph, Jotaro, and Polnareff hurriedly chase after the dog that stole some poor lady's cake, all while a cafe across the street burned from Polnareff's carelessly discarded cigarette, was…

'These are the men DIO is worried about?'

Naofumi sighed as he ran after them, failing to notice the cafe employee tailing him. A short while passed and Oingo darted off down a different street to enact his plan. "God dammit, how did I manage to lose them? They're all giants!" Naofumi grumbled to himself as he trodded down the street alone. For people of their size, they were surprisingly speedy, but Naofumi guessed it had to do something with stands augmenting their physical abilities or some other bullshit.

Naofumi did not get paid enough to deal with this shit. The hot Egyptian sun was making him sweat and stink like hell. He took a sniff of himself and recoiled in disgust. He needed a shower.

"Hey! You!" A gruff voice reached his ears, making the disgruntled stand user perk up. A quick glance showed Naofumi a short and strangely muscular old man wearing strangely familiar clothing. A look around him showed no one else, so he wordlessly pointed to himself confusedly. "Yes! You! Get over here!"

Not wanting to upset the elderly man any more than he apparently already had, Naofumi approached him. "Is there anything I can help you with sir?"

The old man glared at him heatedly for a few more seconds before doing a complete 180 in the personality department, "Well, if you would be so kind, could you help me finish loading this truck? I was making sure there weren't any issues with the cargo but I threw out my back and I can't lift everything back into the truck."

Naofumi doesn't have time for this. He already has to find the three delinquents responsible for ruining a couple's date, burning down a cafe, and who knows what else since they left him, and that's not even taking into account that they still needed to resupply for their journey and- "It would be my pleasure to help!"

God damn it.

"Oh bless your soul young man! And here I thought I was going to be fired! Thank you so much young man!" The old man heaped praise on him.

"Please, enough with the gratuities, I'm happy to just help," Naofumi waved off the praise with a blush, following the well muscled senior behind the truck, only to freeze in shock and horrible, terrible, irredeemably awful regret as he saw the content he would need to load.

Waiting before the two was a fucking massive pile of horseshit. Literally.

The old man continued on without a care in the world. Dammit, Naofumi was trapped by social courtesy and his own conscience, truly the two things Wireframe couldn't escape from. So, with no other options, he hesitantly followed and stopped before the mound of crap. So this is what smelled so bad.

He gulped nervously, and with a shaky voice asked, "So… uh, what now?"

The old man raised a brow, "What else would there be? We need to load this into the truck obviously, what are they teaching in those schools these days?"

"Right…"

The old man, with shaking hands that went unnoticed by Naofumi who was still questioning how he got to this point, plunged into the pile.

SQUELCH

Oingo's true form let loose a single trail of tears. 'I am a changed man.'

He had done the hardest step, he had taken the plunge and now there was no going back. He pulled his hounds out from the pile and turned to the shell-shocked Naofumi, 'I know how you feel, man,' and offered up the pile. Naofumi reached over to take it, looking more than a little green in the face, when Oingo thrust the package, splattering it all over Naofumi's upper chest, a little bit reaching his chin, and running down in rivulets of stinking, disgusting, horse shit.

Where outwardly, Oingo showed no reaction to what had occurred, inwardly he cried out in delight and fractured masculinity.

'I DID IT LITTLE BRO! I DID EXACTLY WHAT I HAD TO! CAN I END IT ALL YET?!'

Naofumi's eyes rolled into the back of his eyes and he collapsed to the ground, foam leaking from his mouth, just as they had foreseen. For a moment, despite knowing Tohth's prediction, Oingo worried Naofumi's stand would go wild in disgusted panic.

With Naofumi completely disabled, all he had to do was take him out before anyone else arrived and he could move on from this traumatic point in his life. Oingo reached into his back pocket and pulled out a now shit-stained knife. No need to waste the bomb on a single unconscious kid.

The thought made him pause. When you look past the powerful stand that he had, the target he was about to kill in cold blood was just a kid. Just a kid trying to do what he thought was right, hell, he was trying to do what Oingo thought was right. He looked at his hands, covered from finger to forearm in shit, one of them holding a knife ready to end a young boy's life. Could he really do this? Even he was just a kid, really. He only just turned 18 last month.

No. No, he had to do this. If he didn't, both him and Boingo would die by DIO's hands. Naofumi didn't matter, Boingo did.

He raised the knife to take the plunge when a familiar voice rang out from the other side of the truck.

"Naofumi? Naofumi? Where the hell is that kid? Seriously, I did not sign up to be his babysitter."

Oingo panicked internally, 'SHIT! It's Polnareff! What the hell is he doing here?! Totht never said he'd be here!' Then he realized his mistake, 'I waited too long! I messed up the prediction and now I'm going to pay the price! Stay calm, stay calm, I can handle this-

Polnareff poked his head around the truck, his hand plugging his nose. When he saw the state Naofumi was in, his eyes bulged from his head, "Naofumi! What the hell happened to you?! And who the hell are you?"

Still internally panicking, Oingo spoke without thinking, "A broken man."

"...what?"

Oingo backpedaled immediately, "Ignore that, this young man was helping me with my cargo when he just keeled over! Honestly, youth these days can't handle a little bit of hard work."

Polnareff would have sighed if he wasn't busy trying to inhale as little of the shit smell as possible. This was exactly the kind of thing Naofumi would do. He hadn't known the teen for too long, meeting him only a week ago when he was absolutely decimated in a stand fight by the unassuming looking teenager. But over that week he had come to know Naofumi as the literal definition of a goody-two-shoes and mom friend.

He was surprised this hadn't happened to the kid before.

Polnareff summoned Silver Chariot, unwilling to touch the shit covered teenager himself, and had the stand poke its rapier in the collar of Naofumi's shirt and dragged him over. "Ok, let's get you cleaned up, you reek like hell, monsieur."

Holy shit what the hell do I do now? Oingo panicked to himself. His target was about to escape unscathed and his torment and anguish will have been for nothing. "W-wait! Sir! I still need help!"

"Listen, Old man, we don't have time to help-" Polnareff shot back.

"But there's no way I can shovel this all in by myself!" Oingo pleaded.

"There is no way in hell, I'm touching any of that!" Polnareff grumbled.

"But-"

"No!"

"Sir, please-"

"I said no!"

"I can't lose this job, I have mouths to feed!"

"Take the hint, jackass!"

"Who the hell are you three and why are you standing next to my trunk?!" A third, unknown voice joined in the spat.

Polnareff blinked and looked at the third man, a much younger and rougher looking man who was glaring at all three of them. "What?"

"You heard me! Get the hell away from my truck!" The man shouted.

"But isn't he your employee?" Polnareff pointed at the disguised Oingo.

Oingo was sweating bullets. This couldn't end well for him.

"Like hell he is! He's too old for this kind of work, which is why I gotta ask, why the hell are two of your hands covered in horse shit?" The truck owner wanted an answer dammit.

"Y'know what, I would really like to know that answer too…" Polnareff narrowed his eyes at Oingo, the truck owner joining him in his glare.

"Uhhh, w-well… you see… I-uh… bye!" He shouted lamely as he ran off in total panic, ignoring the voices of the other two as he attempted to make his escape. If he could just reach the alleyway, he could escape and try again. Polnareff probably pegged him as an enemy by now but there was no way he knew his ability was transformation and disguises, so he would be completely safe. Oingo huffed as he booked it across the street, seeing Silver Chariot appear in the corner of his eyes, he yelped and ran faster… only to be rammed in the side by a speeding car.

Oingo rolled over the car hood and fell onto the road, face down and ass up, moaning in agony. The driver, truck owner and Polnareff all crowded around him, in a panic, their expressions changing as they saw that his disguise had vanished after he had been struck. The two regular men to confusion, and Polnareff's to a shock before erupting into laughter.

"Are you kidding me?! You're one of DIO's assassins?! Bahahaha!" Polnareff howled and fell to the floor. The two men shared looks before assuming the two knew each other and just left the scene, not wanting to deal with the two crazy men any longer.

"Ughhhhhmmmmmm," Oingo moaned out. Yup, that hurt.

Polnareff slowly composed himself, wiping tears from his eyes, "That is hilarious, I can't wait to tell Naofumi he beat an assassin by passing out." His eyes suddenly sharpened and he crouched down next to the beaten Oingo. "Now, to deal with you."

Oingo's eyes flew open and he willed his broken body to crawl away as pitifully as he could manage, crying incomprehensibly the whole time. Silver Chariot was summoned and thrust forward. Oingo closed his eyes and tensed for the blow.

Strangely all he felt was air on his head.

He creaked open an eye to see the blade had pierced his hat and Polnareff was inspecting his forehead for something.

"No bud? But you're so young…" He mused, "Why are you hunting us, kid? Is DIO threatening you? A family member?" Oingo shamefully shook his head, "...Is it money?" A shameful nod. Polnareff just sighed, "Listen kid, I'm not sure how much you know about us and DIO, but we're on our way to kill the bastard. Go back to whoever you're staying with and we'll handle DIO, and…" Polnareff paused, "I'll see what I can do for you, alright? I'll talk to Monsieur Joestar, and he'll talk to the Speedwagon Foundation. We can get you all sorted out and safe, alright?"

"mmmMuh... mmmMy b-brother," Oingo uttered.

"Goddammit Naofumi, you're making me soft," He muttered to himself before turning back to Oingo. "We'll help him too, don't worry. Now why don't pass out already and I'll get you to a hospital, alright?" Polnareff said and Oingo found himself agreeing. A nap sounded amazing right about now. He closed his eyes and just like that, Oingo was defeated and retired.

Boingo watched the whole scene from the side, having known of Oingo's fate the second he failed to kill Naofumi. But to hear Polnareff promise to help… could they really do it? Could he help them escape DIO and poverty? There was no way… was there?

Boingo glanced at Tohth, opening the stand book to check what would happen if he went through with it and heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Polnareff would keep his promise of getting Oingo to a hospital. Knowing that, Boingo approached the duo.

"U-um… s-s-sir?" Boingo stuttered.

"What is it, kid? I'm kinda busy right now," Polnareff sent an unamused look at the kid.

"W-well umm… t-that's my b-brother," he pointed at the unconscious Oingo. Polnareff's eyes widened in realization of the question.

"I know people who know people, kid," Polnareff said plainly, "We'll take care of you two, don't worry."

"B-but D-D-DIO will-"

"We'll kill the bastard." Polnareff spoke plainly and with determination. "It doesn't matter what stand that bastard has, we're more than enough to put that bastard in the ground permanently. There isn't a single ability he could have that could take us all down at once."

Boingo didn't know what to make of that, he had never seen DIO before, so he didn't really know how powerful DIO was, but Oingo had come back from meeting the vampire, pale and shaking, unwilling to talk about meeting the man who had… employed them.

"L-let me come with you!" Boingo shouted, surprising himself.

"No," Naofumi shot down the request.

"Finally awake?" Polnareff smirked.

"Please don't remind me, I'm traumatized enough as is." Naofumi grunted, turning his focus back to Boingo. "You're too young, you shouldn't have to go through this."

"B-but I can use Totht to tell the future! I-I c-can tell you exactly what DIO will do! I can help!" Boingo pleaded. Oingo had done so much for him, it was time for Boingo to return the favor.

"Don't you think he'll miss you while you're with us?" Naofumi questioned.

"I-I guess, but-!"

"We can't heal him, he'll be in the hospital for a while, all alone," Naofumi interrupted him.

"I k-know that-!"

"Don't you think he'll be worried sick if he wakes up and you're gone?" Naofumi shot out. Boingo winced, that was a dirty blow. "Listen kid, I know you want to protect your brother, but the best way to do that is to be by his side and take care of him while he recovers. We'll handle DIO, you handle your brother, alright?"

Boingo nodded, unconsciously deflating with relief. He watched silently as an ambulance arrived and picked him and his brother up, looking out the window at the two men who had promised to save them. They could do it. He just had to have faith in them, just as Oingo had in Totht's predictions.

"You think it was smart letting the kid not join?" Polnareff asked, "Having a stand to tell the future would help a lot, especially with Kakyoin out of commission." Polnareff's expression turned sour at the mention of his ally's injury.

"Maybe not, but I can't let myself send a child to fight a demon. It isn't right." It really was that simple. Altruistic or not, Mr. Joestar would agree with him, as would Avdol, Kakyoin, and probably Jotaro, although he would probably just grumble something about not wanting an annoying kid tagging along, but Naofumi and everyone else would see through the softy's facade.

With the ambulance driving away, the Oingo Boingo brothers were defeated and retired, but elated with the prospects of their future.

Notes:

Heyo! Its-a me! RandomA99 voiced by Chris Pratt!

Anyway, sorry this took so long to come out, I've had this almost done for about two weeks now but I got distracted with a one-shot idea that I just HAD to write before I could finish anything else! But ignoring all of that, there simply wasn't any way I could write Oingo Boingo without introducing some stupid deus ex machina bullshit to mess everything up haha. Though I will say I never intended for the ending to be as sweet and kind as it turned out. I originally had intended for Oingo to be defeated by something stupid, and then Boingo would do something stupid as well, like trip and fall and break his nose or something like that, but that wasn't funny enough so this happened.

Now, two more things before I go:

1) If Elina had lived long enough to be given a stand, what kind of stand would she have? A normal close range power type, or some sort of gimmick stand?

2) If you're interested in the one-shot that delayed this chapter for two weeks, it will be posted at the same time as this chapter on both and Ao3. Its basically what I think would happen if Kira was summoned to Melromarc instead of Naofumi, leading up to but not including the trial scene because of certain... events. So yeah, if that sounds interesting, check it out!

Thanks for sticking around so long!

- RandomA99