Superman: Mythos #3 "Lois and Jimmy Save the Planet!"
"No way, no how, Miss Lane! I'm not losing my best reporter out there to that shit storm!" Editor-in-chief Perry White of the Daily Planet barked from behind his desk while chomping on a cigar. Behind him, outside the wide windows of his office, lay Metropolis in chaos. Super-men flew about the city, zipping past the Planet in vibrant, blurry streams of their flashy multi-colored costumes. And below, the streets were lined with destruction, Superman's foes ran rampant knowing their heinous crimes would go uninterrupted by the missing Man of Steel.
"A-and your best photographer, Chief," Jimmy Olsen piped in. The lanky twenty-something, dressed in a green sweater and a bright red bowtie around his neck, was standing hesitantly beside the headstrong Lois Lane. She stood firm, wearing a purple suit and matching skirt, her dark hair in a short bob.
"Quiet, Olsen!" Perry snapped before kicking back in his chair and lighting up another cigar.
Lois abruptly slapped her hand down onto his desk, giving the Chief a slight startle. "Listen Chief, Jimmy and I are heading out there into the thick of it and coming back with a story alright. But not only that, we're gonna figure out where Superman is and we might just be the only ones who can get him back. Right, Jim?" Lois smirked, her violet eyes gleaming with determination.
"R-right Mrs. Lane, 'course!" Jimmy said with a budding enthusiasm. "My trusty signal watch hasn't been able to reach Superman for days, something bad must have happened to the big guy. I mean, we gotta do something right?"
"All those times your pal Superman's gotten you into trouble has turned you kids mad! He's got you thinking you're regular Super Friends. Haven't you heard? He's on another one of his space missions or whachamacall'em. And don't you worry Lane, once he's back home, I want you to get him to answer for himself, leaving us all in the dust like this, pfft," Perry continued, turning his attention out the window, seeing an H-crested, red and yellow-suited super-man clash with one of Superman's more infamous cybernetic foes, Metallo. The clash below managed to shake the very foundations of the Planet. Perry held firm to the edges of his desk before glaring up at Lois. "See? Besides, how's that piece on the whosit trial coming? Hmm?"
"Come on Chief, a puff piece on a failed celebrity marriage while Metropolis is at its knees?" Lois scoffed.
"That's right! I want it on my desk, end of the day, or you're both fired!" Perry bluffed, though his tone was enough to make Jimmy jump.
"B-but Chief," Jimmy began.
"Out! Both of you!" Perry shooed them away. "Oh, and where the hell is Kent? I'd expect he could talk some damn sense into you two."
"Smallville? In Smallville. Still visiting his parents. Thought he'd stay a few extra days until all this craziness blew over," Lois said with a sigh, grabbing her notepad and following Jimmy out of Perry's office.
"Hah!" Perry laughed once the pair had left. "Leave it to the farmboy to tell when storms a' coming."
The Planet was quiet, well, as quiet as the home of most-read paper in the city could be. Or most-read in the world as Perry liked to say. The newsroom bustled with the real go-getters, while others sat at their computers scrambling to finish deadlines. Much of the 'lower ranks' failed to show up the past week or so given the circumstances. As such, Jimmy was picking up most of the slack, acting as a mail boy rather than a photographer.
"Jim," Lois began, making her way back to her desk. "Mind getting me last week's court records? They should be in that cabinet." She pointed to a stack of drawers at the end of a line of desks across from hers. She then sat down at her computer, cracking her knuckles and preparing to write.
"On it, Miss Lane," Jimmy said with a salute, making his way over to the stuffed metal filing cabinet. "Just like old times, huh? Back when I was an intern here." Jimmy found the drawer labeled court hearings and began flipping through the files to find the most recent.
"You still are an intern Jim," Lois reminded him, punching in her headline.
"Hey! I'm paid," Jimmy said, grabbing hold of the proper file and starting back towards Lois. "Per photo at least… I'm keeping my options open, besides I heard freelance is the best way to go for up-and-comers like me."
"That's great Jim…" Lois said, hardly listening at that point, her mind now occupied by her story. Jimmy shrugged and sat on the edge of her desk, opening the court file out of curiosity. Turning through the tenuous legal jargon, he noticed something strange, as if a small object had been stuffed between the pages. Coming to the bulge in the paper, he turned one final page to reveal a shocking sight. A little green army man was lying between the fold, holding his rifle up towards Jimmy. He soon realized that it was moving and starting to take aim.
BANG! A loud, high-pitched gunshot echoed across the room.
"Ahh!" Jimmy cried, recoiling backward, dropping the stack of files.
"Jimmy!" Lois cried, leaping from her desk as she watched him clutch his forehead, blood soon leaking out from between his fingers. Lois ran over to catch Jimmy before he stumbled to the ground. He lifted his hand from his forehead and Lois saw the tiny, pin-sized hole in his skin, gushing blood. Lois brought her two fingers to her mouth and let out a sharp whistle to grab the attention of a bystanding employee. "You! Get him some first aid! Stat!" She ordered, but the man was still too stunned to react. "Now!" Lois roared, finally breaking through enough to get him to nod and run off to grab aid. Jimmy then clutched onto Lois' arm and pointed down at the files he'd dropped. She followed his eyes and saw the army man crawling out from between the pages and onto the tile floor. Lois glared at the little gunman, laying Jimmy down on her desk seat before stepping towards the assailant. The army man, seeing Lois' giant shadow cast over him, rolled over to his back and prepared to fire. Before he could, Lois lifted her high heel over his tiny body and stomped him under her toe. With a swift crunch, he was nothing but a jumble of green plastic and circuitry.
"Nice one Miss Lane!... but…" Jimmy said, back on his feet with a bandage around his forehead. He was pointing again, this time to the cabinet where he'd gotten the compromised file. The metal drawers were shaking and clambering about as if they were about to explode.
"Get down!" Lois cried, running towards her desk, grabbing Jimmy, and vaulting over it to the other side. The two hid behind the desk's protection while the cabinet exploded in a tiny mushroom cloud. The damage was minimal, but from the smoke clouds, poured out an army of tiny green men, tanks, and helicopters. A toy army was on the march, firing without warning throughout the Planet. Most of the reporters and other employees made a scramble for the exit, some getting hit with their tiny bullets on the way out.
One man, however, was going against the crowd, making his way through the rushing swarm and into the Planet newsroom. He stood proudly at the center of the little warzone. He wore a zany blue and white pinstripe suit, a black bowtie twice as big as Jimmy's, and a bright green army beret over his greasy brown hair. In his hand, he held a remote control device, no doubt the contraption that was to blame for the mayhem. He let out a weasley chuckle before pushing up his thick round glasses. "At long last…" He began, "With Superman gone, the Daily Planet will pay for spewing their filth, their putrid lies. And their hurtful words… making fun of me! I, Mr. Winslow Scott! The one and only Toyman! Shall now have his revenge!"
Lois couldn't help but laugh. Her voice made Scott pause, his anger boiling up. "You dare to laugh?… Lois Lane?!" He cried as a miniature helicopter pivoted towards Lois and Jimmy behind their cover of the desk. The aircraft let out a barrage of fire from its little revolving turrets. The spray of bullets forced Lois and Jimmy to forgo their cover and race to the other side of the room. With their backs against the wall and the chopper still approaching, Lois grabbed a framed paper from the wall, with an old headline reading: Superman Defeats Giant Ape!, and smashed it across the body of the toy. The helicopter went down, caught up in shards of glass and newspaper shreddings, hitting the ground in a miniature fiery explosion at their feet.
Lois flipped her hair with a smile, "That all you got, Scott?"
"Not by a long shot, Lane! Your days of public slander against me are over!" the Toyman cried, gesturing for another attack and initiating it with a click of a button on his controller. Below Lois and Jimmy, a battalion of army men, having crossed the wreckage of the helicopter and shattered frame, lined up to open fire. A yellow-tooth grin formed on the Toyman's face, savoring the moment before he pulled the remote trigger.
"Now Olsen!" Lois yelled, stepping to the side as Jimmy revealed himself to have a fire extinguisher at the ready.
"Time for these Hot Wheels to cool off!" He quipped with a smile, releasing a flow of thick foam out across the toy soldiers. The substance pulled them off the ground and spun them up in a mess of foam. They continued to fire, but their bullets failed to breach their new frothy prison. Lois wasted no time, she sprinted towards the Toyman and lunged into a powerful punch across his flabby face. He cried with pain and stumbled backward, but Lois grabbed him by the bowtie and pulled him back to his feet. She reared back her fist once more but paused when she realized he was smiling. Lois looked down and saw that he had his finger hovering over the red button of his remote once more. She turned to her left to see a toy tank that was situated at her foot, aiming directly up at her face. She then looked over her shoulder at Jimmy who had his hands up, having been surrounded by tanks and two more helicopters.
"You know…" the Toyman began, blood pouring down from the corner of his grinning lips. "I always thought you were the brain to his brawn, but I guess you're just a couple of meatheads huh? All of you are intellectual cripples compared to I! The one and only Toym-"
A loud crack sounded from the impact of the Toyman's skull and the hardwood of a baseball bat. He collapsed to the ground and dropped his remote control.
"An original Louisville, '68. And it ain't no toy," Perry said, proudly throwing the baseball bat over his shoulder.
"Nice one Chief," Lois said with a smile.
"Um… little help," Jimmy whimpered from across the room, still surrounded by deadly toys ready to strike. Lois chuckled, reaching down to grab the Toyman's remote. Finding the master control, she switched it off and the remaining soldiers, tanks, and helicopters shut down, freeing the Planet from their mini military occupation.
"Gotta say Chief, with that swing, you'd make a regular Super Friend," Lois teased, Jimmy soon returning to her side to share a giggle. Perry sighed but soon laughed along.
"Alright, seeings how we're no safer in here than we are out there. I'm shutting down the newsroom until Superman returns." he finally admitted. "Leaving you free to pursue your leads by any means necessary. In other words, get out there, find him. Trust me, of all those super-freaks out there, you two got what it takes to actually save this city."
"Awe…" Jimmy said with glee, leaning his elbow on Perry's shoulder. "Thanks, Chief. It sure means a lot coming from you."
"Don't push it, Olsen!" Perry snapped, abruptly shoving Jimmy off his arm, nearly causing him to fall. "Now get out there and get me the story of the year! Nay, the decade! Superman Missing! Who Will Take His Place as Metropolis' Savior?" He waved his hand in the air as if visualizing the front-page headline.
"Try, Superman Returns to Reclaim Metropolis from its Many Suitors," Lois said, visualizing her own.
"What is this? AP Literature? I don't pay you to wax poetic, Lane!" He shouted, before pausing as all three stood there in the middle of the post-toy-warzone. "Why are you two still standing here! Go on! Get!"
Lois and Jimmy nodded before promptly turning towards the doors, stepping over the unconscious body of the Toyman along the way.
"Got your camera with extra film, Jim?" Lois asked as Jimmy shuffled closely behind her confident stride.
"Yes and yes!" He said, slinging over his trusty super-zoom, already calibrated to best capture Superman at his top speed. "Say, you know where to even start on this, Miss Lane?"
"Not where to start, Jim," Lois began, before correcting him, "it's who."