An Understanding

Circa 2006 - 2008

This was also meant to be added into my 'Past Time' archive, but was never finished

Summary: They were both forbidden, and he decided to allow himself closer to her once he learned of her existence. For no one can understand a Forbidden Child more than another Forbidden Child. [Hiei x Kagome]

Genre: General ?

Rating: T ?

The things past me wrote about is a fan fiction trip down memory lane, if I do say so myself.

This one is... well, it's something I wrote.

"You wish to know more about me?" she asked. She crossed her legs, allowing the cloth that she'd placed over her head to fall as she felt the stares of the Spirit Detectives on the back of her head. She lifted her gaze to the small ruler in front of her and watched as he nodded. She blinked emotionlessly, "Before I begin, though, you must understand that I am forbidden, I do not care for your idiotic responses, so do not make any."

He nodded, and turned to the others occupants of the room. "Do not speak until she is done, do you understand?"

"Like hell I'm going to listen to some—" Yusuke stiffened and her dark eyes turned to him, a glare filled with sadness and hatred settling so that they were gazing into his own. He nodded, and then touched Kuwabara's shoulder, whispering into his ear to shut up and not say anything if he wanted to live, to which his friend nodded quickly.

"I am a mixture of light and dark," she began. "A combination, which I am sure you know, is not meant to come into being, for the child will not have even a small chance of surviving and the few that do are hunted down and killed so that they do not go crazy, or become so powerful that those who fear us are crushed underneath our hand. However, I was one of the small few who has been able to hide myself after many years of fighting and running in order to find myself here, now.

"If you must know," she continued, "a light apparition is a demon that gives off a soft white glow, and usually mistaken by humans as an angel of sorts. They give off a sense of peace and harmony within the souls of others, which is one of the reasons that other demons seek them out within their fertile periods to produce children. They are able to bring light to even the darkest of places, but they also thrive whenever there is more light within the area. On a bright, sunny day a light apparition is usually happy and carefree, but on a raining day a light apparition can become slightly unhappy, for though they are commonly happy creatures, they seem to feed off light in order to survive.

"Dark apparitions are the opposite. They are normally power hungry beings that enjoy being cruel, and can use other elements such as fire or lightning, however it will be black when they do. Their way of thinking is different from the light apparitions, for though they find happiness and pleasure through other means, they do not enjoy peace and harmony. Dark apparitions enjoy destruction and chaos, which is one of the main reasons a light apparition and a dark apparition should not be mixed together," she said softly.

"I was lucky enough to be the child of both these apparitions, my father a dark apparition and my mother a light apparition. My father raped my mother on one of her fertile days and allowed her to go off in order to let the child grow within her. Being a light apparition who did everything in their power to keep a child from dying and allowing it to see the light of day, my father knew that my mother would have his child, and she did. When I was born, my father came to my mother and stole me away, but not before killing my mother simply because he could.

"Being a dark apparition my father was power hungry and knew that if his child was able to make it pass the age of adolescence that it would become more powerful than he or any of the other dark apparitions. His brothers and kin thought the idea was brilliant, for they also knew that light apparitions brought luck to those around them during long periods of time, and they believed that being half I would be able to bring them the luck of the light, but also survive under the conditions they place themselves within. So, they raised me, allowed me to play with the other dark apparitions even though I showed more of my light apparition side, which was one of their first mistakes. You see, they wished to have a good luck charm, so to speak, but they did not think that I would be smart enough to notice the different between my cousins and I. They did not think that I would notice that my cousins enjoyed throwing rocks at me and calling me different dirty names that they could come up with simply because they liked to," she stopped for a moment.

Bringing a hand up, she softly ran them through her hair, and then looked toward the other apparition standing beside her. He was the only reason she'd come to this place, knowing that there was another like her, even if he was a male. "So, I grew within the camp of the dark apparitions that our family made. I grew, and I would have been able to survive on my own if I had not noticed the differences and similarities between the ones I believed I loved and myself. So, I tried to call forth powers that I'd seen my cousins used, and I found that if I tried hard enough I could use them. I could, though it was exhausting to do so." She stopped again, "You see, if I had not noticed that I was different from the dark apparitions, my light side would have been able to bring harmony to my darkness while it was dormant and unnoticed, and I would have been believed to simply be a light apparition. However, because I did call upon the darkness, I created chaos in my soul, a war between my elements and it was within that moment that my family changed."

Hiei stiffened, knowing the cruel ways of dark apparitions. Being half, he could understand why she'd wished to bring them pain when they'd first met, but she was also a light apparition, a creature that hated violence. Her soul was truly at war, much like his own.

"My father was the first to notice, for I showed him that I could control the darkness that surrounded us to a minimal extent. In that moment he became rather… sadistic, and not only hit me to the ground, but then dragged me to the elders, kicking and screaming. The elders, being true to their dark apparition nature, decided that perhaps torture would be able to suppress my dark side, and bring forth my light side to protect myself against it. They did not think of my safety, that perhaps that may kill me, but that they were losing their power, and they wanted that. So, they tortured me for many weeks, even allowing the ones that I used to play with to join in, and they seemed to enjoy it more than the adults.

"After many weeks they realized that they were bringing out hatred within me, something that came naturally for a dark apparition. So, they decided that they needed to find another way in order to harmonize my opposing forces, for I was slowly dying from the inside out, learning to hate them more and more. So, they suggested finding a way to implant a Jagan, but unfortunately they were not sure how that would affect anyone other than a fire and ice apparition," she said, looking up to the other apparition looking down at her. "So, they decided to go with the next best thing, a dragon's third eye."

Koenma blinked, "A dragon's third eye?"

Sighing, she reached up, and grabbed the black cloth hidden well by her mostly black hair, save for the white ends. Tugging at it, she allowed it to fall, and felt her third eye open, the golden eye with a thin red pupil staring straight ahead with a soft eerie black glow. "It is much like a Jagan. However, a dragon's eye is able to see more into a person's mind by gently breaking down the barriers, almost like slipping by them as if they're not there. A dragon's eye allows me to also obtain the powers of my opponent until it closes, and gives me the ability to speak telepathically with whomever I chose, instead of them engaging the conversation between minds.

"Now, where was I?" she tapped her claws against the armrest. "Ah, now I remember. As I was saying, they decided to search for a dragon that was upon their deathbed, for only then can the third eye be passed onto another person—it must be the dragon's decision, of course. However, during the time that they searched, they locked me away in a small dark room filled with the darkness that can only be produced when three or more dark apparitions put their powers together. Inside that room I learned what true hatred was, for I could hear them snickering about me, and I knew that they only sought to bring my light side pain, and to manipulate me into giving them more power than they already had. I would have died, if it were not for the fact that a light apparition dies only when there is nothing left in life to live for, but otherwise strives to keep everything alive, and a dark apparition thinks that suicide is a crime, a weak way out of life. Both sides wished to stay alive, thus I wished to stay alive instinctively, even if my barriers began to build, and my powers continued to grow, as I seemed to age rapidly while nearing my demon adolescence."

Once again she paused, and then lowered her eyes a bit. "Thirteen days I counted, though I do not know how I knew the hour or the time or how many days had gone by. Thirteen days of listening to the voices that I'd grown to hate, and then the door opened and the darkness receded, allowing my light side to finally begin bubbling to the surface, for only the darkness could truly live in darkness for that many days without going mad. Then, after they'd dragged me outside, weak and without food, though they did manage to give me water, they decided to allow my father to drag me all the way to the dragon that would give up his eye for me. Or they hoped so.

"Upon arriving the dragon was very close to death, and they somehow managed to bring forth my light healing abilities, knocking my darkness into the background for the time being. I sat by that dragon's bedside as he begged me for death for seven more days without any food, and he seemed to notice how weak I truly was. He knew what I was, and he spoke mostly by using his third eye, for he was too weak to do much else, besides give into my powers and live. He asked me one day why I continued to live, and I told him because I wished to, and that a piece of me felt it was weak to die while another wanted to simply live, and it was that moment that he told me what I was and why I was treated differently. A light dawned upon me, so to speak, for I finally understood the reason why I was different and the dragon used his third eye in order to tell me more about my birth within those seven days. However, on the final night, he begged me, told me that he would give me his third eye in order to give me more power and live in harmony if I allowed him to die. He had appeased both elements within me, and I told him that if he gave me the eye first, I would then allow him death." She tilted her head to the side, "He allowed his energy to fill my body, creating the seal that would be needed in order for the eye to grow within its own time, and I allowed him to die.

"My dark apparition family was happy with this, but they did not know that the dragon also told me how to use my light apparition powers in order to kill them. Though not a commonly or liked practice, light apparitions can defend themselves against opposing forces such as dark apparitions. They can, but they are such peace loving creatures that they hate seeing any other creature die. However, being part dark apparition I felt that killing them using my light apparition powers while bringing forth the emotions of hatred that I felt for them would allow me to kill them each with as much pain as possible," she sighed. "So, I was returned to the camp, and they continued to watch over me, cruelly beating me and teasing my increasing hormones as I began coming into adolescence completely.

"When the eye finally opened completely, I reached my adolescence, and experienced my first year as a hormone controlled forbidden child," she smirked.

Kurama blinked, "Why did you phrase it that way, if you do not mind my asking?"

Hiei grunted, "We're controlled by both elements, and each may respond differently whether male or female."

She nodded, "Yes. Your friend here is a mixture of fire and ice. Ice apparitions, males at least, are usually fertile, whereas females, ice maidens, can only have children at certain periods in time and they can also have children without mating. Fire apparitions, though, are much different. Males are constantly fertile; they are able to impregnate a female if she is able to have children at any given time, while females go into heat for a certain period of time, and if mated with within that time, can and most likely will end up pregnant. However, that is fire and ice, and I will tell you about dark and light when I am ready, when I am done with my tale."

Kurama nodded.

"Now, I learned how to hide my scent rather quickly, for the dark apparition males, whether related or not were rather attracted. Not only did they see a weak morsel that could not protect herself, but they also saw a way to increase their power, and I had to fight them off. Using my light apparition powers I was able to warn them all off enough that they would not come within a certain distance, but other males came, more and more with each passing day and the dark apparitions killed them in order to keep me, hoping that I would allow them close enough and keep me for themselves.

"Then, I managed to run away," she smirked. "I was able to pass myself off as a light apparition to those who saw me, instead of having myself attacked constantly, especially with my scent hidden, simply because I was forbidden. I warded my third eye, for it would have been an excellent way to tell that I was not an ordinary light apparition and I lived that way for many years. But one year, a dark apparition from my original camp came to where I was staying and found me. I did not expect him to try something so quickly, and I not only managed to get myself violated by him, but dragged back to the camp that I had run away from and stuffed back into that dark room when they found that I was the forbidden one that got away from them.

"Within that room I was happy to find that I would not have to bear the child of the bastard who surprised me. I was also happy to find that I was not as afraid as I was when I was a child, for by that time I had nearly grown into my full maturity, for though apparitions have long lives, they age quickly, for their elements grow more with quick aging—drawing out an aging only causes an element to die, for it needs to jumpstart quickly to truly survive. And, when they least accepted it, I called upon the light inside of me, escaped from that room, and killed them all," she said. "I became as sadistic as they were, and my darkness grew to become my dominant element.

"The dark apparitions were fools to think that I would not kill them when I had the chance," she hissed.

Koenma nodded.

She lifted her eyes, "Now, I told you I would explain why my time is much worse than other apparitions. A light apparition male is almost constantly fertile, but not to the point that they can manage to plant a child within the womb of every female they rut with. A light apparition female, however, is much different. They have exactly eight days around the full moon each month that they are truly fertile and it is only then that they can have children. This is much different to the dark apparitions. Dark apparition males are fertile to the point that they can and probably will have a child with every female they rut with, much like fire apparition males. Their females are the same, though a bit subtler, and hide their scent mostly in order to keep pesky males away. Since I am both, I am constantly fertile, but during those eight days around the full moon cycle, I became so much more than even the normal light apparition female. If I were to rut with a male on one of those days, I have zero chance of not ending up with a child, which is the difference between forbidden ones mixed between light and dark compared to others."

Sighing, she finally asked, "Are you happy now? You seemed rather frantic when you learned I'd slipped past the barrier."

Koenma bowed his head, "Ah, yes. Well, there was an extremely powerful amount of demonic energy that just could not be ignored. I did not realize that the one who'd created that power was someone as docile as you…?"

"Kagome," she replied. She then smirked, "And do not take me for the docile type. I do not go around killing humans or trying to take over the world simply because I do not wish to." Her third eye closed lazily, while her hand came up to pull at her white strands of hair. "If I wished it, I could easily use my dragon eye to control almost every human that ever crossed my path. However, I am part light apparition, and I do not take part in sadistic pleasure unless I truly feel like it, and when I do I return to the Makai."

Koenma gulped, "Well, this cannot be ignored, Kagome-san. I'm afraid that I must assign one of the Spirit Detectives to watch over you until I am completely sure that you will not harm the Ningenkai." He glanced at the four young men standing in the room, and frowned. "Since you're a demon, I believe that it may be best to have another demon watch over you, so Hiei will be your shadow until I am completely sure."

Her lip lifted, "At least you did not pick an idiot to watch over me." She lifted her head to look at Hiei, seeing that he was once again staring down at her with his crimson eyes. Her own dark eyes reflected his feelings of displeasure for the situation, and they both turn their eyes to Koenma, watching as the small ruler squirmed in his seat. "Besides, I doubt they," she pointed at the others behind her with her thumb, "could keep up with me."

Yusuke and Kuwabara mumbled to themselves about stupid demon females that had an attitude almost as bad as their friend. However, they both knew to some degree that Hiei would never have just told his past to them, and knew that she'd either confirmed to herself that she could trust them, or she stupidly trusted everyone and everything. They doubted it was the second one, since she'd almost fried Kuwabara's brain when he'd run up to her shouting about her being pretty.

"Hn," Hiei mumbled. He turned his eyes to Lady Death, who was standing at the edge of Koenma's desk smiling. "Make a portal, we're leaving," he ordered.

Botan smiled brightly, "Oh, don't be that way, Hiei! I'd make a portal even if you decided to show you cared!"

She unfolded her legs and stood, tightly binding the headband back over her third eye. Once done, Kagome scratched the back of her neck, and nodded to the small ruler who sat sweating in his seat. "Yes, I believe it is time to leave. This place grows rather dull as time passes," she said.

"Hn, this place is always dull," Hiei said.

She smirked. "Perhaps. Boring, as well."

Botan blinked, and then swung her oar so that she was sitting on it above the ground. With a wave of her hand a portal opened, and she watched as Hiei stepped into it, before saying, "Bye-bye! Do remember to come back some time." Kagome stepped in right after, and then she turned to Koenma. "Are you sure it's good to send Hiei to watch her, sir?"

"Hiei is also a forbidden child," Koenma sighed. "He will be able to understand and communicate better with her, which means that I will get a better view on whether or not she is in the Ningenkai to take over or not."

"You sure Hiei's going to tell you that if she is?" Yusuke asked. "He might try to help her."

Koenma turned red, "DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT ALREADY!?"

"Geeze," Yusuke huffed, "no need to blow up on me. Keiko's already going to do that once I get back. I can't believe you made me go on this stupid mission, toddler."

"Forbidden bitch," the demon snarled, drool flooding over its lips and down its chin. Its dark green eyes were wild, staring at her as a small smirk formed onto its lips. "When I'm done with you, I'll make sure to absorb your power in order to make myself stronger."

She blinked, "Perhaps you should try looking up first."

"What—?" its words died as a blade sliced through the top of its head, completely down its body until it fell into two separate halves.

She tipped her head to the side, muttering, "Pathetic." Then, she turned her eyes to the demon that had been following her for nearly a month, and shook her head. "You did not need to intervene, I would have eventually killed him," a small smirk formed on her lips, "though I believe torture would have gotten through to him better."

Hiei said nothing, simply turning to return to the shadows of the trees. However, he stopped when he felt her hand on his shoulder, and turned toward her, glaring slightly. She was the reason he was being attacked nearly constantly, simply because she'd never chosen to make it known that attacking her would result in death to all. Weak demons had been slipping past the barrier nearly constantly just to try and use her, but he wondered more at the reason he jumped to save her every time. He knew she could protect herself, so why did he suddenly go to her rescue?

"Will you walk with me?" she asked. "Even I, as solitary as I am, get lonely once in a while."

"Our existence is always lonely," Hiei scoffed. "We're not meant to find happiness and suddenly be surrounded by everything. We're outcast and shunned—"

"I am well aware," she sighed. "But you and I are the same, though different. We're both alone; both shunned by humans and demons. However, together we're not so alone."

He snorted at her words.

"If you do not wish to have some type of company, however, you're free to go as you wish," Kagome said, waving her hand. "I care not." She turned away, beginning to walk, and not entirely surprised when the other apparition settled into pace beside her. She had thought he would disappear back into the trees, but her words had been true, so she was not completely surprised. To be forbidden meant to be alone, isolated away from the rest of the world once they learned what they were, if the child was able to survive. Together, though, they had something that was able to understand them, thus they weren't so alone.

His eyes flickered toward her, "Do not think that this will happen again, woman."

Continuing forward, she shrugged slightly in response. "I do not expect for it to happen again, considering the fact that you're used to your solitude. I am used to mine, as well. However, I have lived quite some time, as you have, and once in a while even I can get lonely in a world that does not understand me," she sighed.

"You think I understand you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"No." She shook her head, her pace picking up. "No one will ever understand me."

Hiei stopped, blinking, as she seemed to disappear into the shadows. Turning his head, he sighed, wondering for a moment why he cared that her aura had turned sad for a brief moment. It did not matter, though, for though she was forbidden, they were different. Their lives could never be the same, no matter how many things were similar between them, and that meant they would not connect in any way.

A smirk tilted onto his lips. To be honest, he was fine with that.

Snow fell around her, as she leaned closer to the tree at her back. She'd taken refuge at an old shrine for the night, the family living there unaware of her presence. For a moment she'd almost wished that they could have, or at least held the spiritual awareness in order to detect her, so that she might have someone to communicate with for a moment in time. However, that was not to be, and she knew that she had to push away her want to be around others, as her instincts demanded she do for the moment.

"Hn."

She turned her head, narrowing her eyes at the black figure standing in the snow. "What do you want? Koenma told me that I would have a small amount of time to myself while you were off with your friends on that pitiful thing he called a mission," she spat. She'd grown annoyed with him when he'd last told her to quite being such an annoying bitch—she hadn't taken the comment lightly.

"The mission is over," he rolled his eyes. "The fox and Yukina wished for me to ask you to come to Genkai's temple for the night."

"Why?" she asked suspiciously. The detectives had grown on her, often trying to get her to do things that she normally would not have done. Being alone for so long, she questioned their actions, no matter how kind they may have seemed. She especially questioned the Forbidden Child in front of her, for he'd been trying to create distance between them since the time she'd told him that she got lonely at times.

He stopped himself from snapping at her, turning his eyes to the tall tree at her back. "A holiday."

"You mean the human holiday that they call Christmas?" she asked, tilting her head to one side. The holiday had always intrigued her, though she had never received anything on the day. She had mostly heard other demons mocking humans for exchanging useless gifts that they truly did not need while in the Makai, but she had never truly seen the holiday take place.

"Apparently. The fox and the detective insisted that I stay as well," Hiei snorted. "Though the holiday does not begin until tomorrow."

She stood, nodding. "I see. I… would like to witness this holiday."

Hiei nodded, silence settling over them heavily. He eyed her, deciding at that moment that he would do everything he could to stay away from her while at Genkai's. The wench continued to make his heart beat in a strange rhythm he had never felt before, and she continued to be oblivious to what she was doing to him. He wished to hate her, to simply thrust the tip of his blade through her throat, but he found the thought disgusted him. He would not be ruled by his emotions and she would not rule him.

She trailed silently behind him, her light instincts rising to the surface as her dark side hissed underneath her flesh. Even at the late hour humans still walked the streets, and her dark instincts demanded that she destroy them for being weaker in order to gain more power. Her light instincts protested, and the fight within her soul continued to rage, the two sides pushing and pulling at each other as they tried to rule her. However, she had grown accustomed to the feeling, and pushed it away, as she would her emotions, as their traveling pace quickened, both of them racing into a forest toward the temple.

Her head turned to the side as the temple came into view, her eyes narrowing at the darkness surrounding her. She managed to jump into the air, startling the male at her side, as a clawed hand came flying out of the forest. Yellowish-red eyes beamed through the darkness, easily seen, as she sliced the arm and hand apart in one flick of her wrist. The male at her side pulled his sword from its sheath, facing the demon that had withstood the purity surrounding the forest, obviously waiting for some poor sap to come close enough for it to pick off.

Strangely, the demon hissed, its now decapitated arm wriggling on the ground, before its fur burst into flames and the arm shriveled up on itself. The rest of the arm, stretched out to an unbelievable length, began to return to where the demon was hiding some fifty to sixty feet away from them. As it moved back into the forest, the end bled profoundly, until the appendage began to grow back, the hand returning, and the claws stretching out, before it disappeared into the darkness.

Kagome quickly pulled and pushed at the battle within her, calming it some as she tugged at her dark apparition instincts. The darkness around them folded in on itself, a faint white glow beginning to creep from the ground underneath their feet, giving them a very nice view of the once covered demon. It looked much like a fox in one way, but also some type of rat in another. Its face was long, its eyes large, and its fangs dripping. Twelve thin, fur-less tails snapped back and forth behind it, while the fur on its body bristled some, its arm rising again. Claws gleamed in the soft glow now encasing the forest, and its arm shot forward, beginning to stretch out in length.

She moved to the right, Hiei moving to the left. The sound of his sword cutting through the demon's flesh was unmistakable in the silence of the night, as she quickly moved through the trees. The yellowish-red eyes watched her; the demon's mouth opening wider than she thought it should be able to, as she neared. Her hand flicked outward, the darkness around her leaping into action, taking the shape of a pole, before she thrust it outward and a crescent moon blade formed onto the end. The demon watched her, unaware of Hiei's movement off to its left, as she raised her blade, intent on slicing its head off in one blow.

The demon moved before either of them struck, their blades crashing together as it pushed itself off the ground. Its claws attached it to a nearby tree, its fangs clicking together annoyingly, as Hiei pushed himself away from the other apparition. Flames danced along his arms, and he saw that a dark substance was leaking from Kagome's skin, but paid little attention to it. The demon was a lower class mixture, and would have been easily taken care of if it wasn't able to move at such a speed, nor somehow extend and retract its limbs to any length it wished to.

The blade in her hand changed, almost melting back toward the ground. Her fingers moved, flicking in different directions, the instincts of her dark apparition heritage quickly coming up with different ways to torture the creature before her. The black substance the blade had melted into moved in different directions, yet each of them swept up the tree the demon had traveled up, as a ball of black flames burnt into its flesh. The demon screamed, and in that instant the shadows caught it, quickly tightening their hold on the demon in order to make sure it did not escape.

"It will only regenerate if I slice it to pieces," her voice laughed. She turned her attention to the male at her side, her eyes darkening in the glow of the forest. "You may as well burn it to death."

A glint formed in Hiei's eyes, and the demon burst into flames, screeching and trying to escape the fate they had given it.

Kagome shut her eyes, sighing softly, as she created distance within herself, halting the death that would have come upon her if she'd leaned much more onto one of her sides. The slight harmony she'd always known instantly returned, the two sides within her fighting once more, instead of the darkness or light being closer than the other. "I am ready now."

"Hn," Hiei muttered, watching her closely. It was obvious she was quite strong willed to be able to suddenly return to such a state. He knew that they could easily destroy themselves, but she had developed a way to harness one side of herself for some time, before returning to the harmony she had created within herself, stopping the fate it would have otherwise.