Chapter 5: Breathe Into Me
Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno, Gainax, and Tatsunoko Productions. I only own the characters I made up.
I'm used to pain. After being beaten so long, (sometimes with a belt with metal rings embedded in it) I've learned to make myself numb. You want to know how I do it? Do you want to know how to no longer feel pain? It's quite simple really. All you have to do is distance yourself emotionally. That's it! You see, things only hurt if you give the pain attention. So when you've reached a point when you don't care anymore, the pain stops. Well, it doesn't stop per se, you just don't mind it. Sort of like what happens to a person's nightmares when you remove the frontal lobe. The person will still have nightmares, it's just the fear is no longer there. It's kinda cool when you think about it. It's like a special technique that only my brother and I know about. At the ripe age of eleven, I've found a way to not feel what the rest of humanity fears. Again, it's kinda cool.
. . .
So. . .why? Why am I crying? All she did was slap me. It's nothing compared to the sting of a belt or a ruler. I didn't even feel anything! So why does it feel like my heart's being crushed?!
. . .
Perhaps it was that look she gave me? The look of pure disgust and rage. She. . .she hates me? I didn't think it was possible for a mother to hate her child. My stomach ties itself into several knots as I remember the shouting match that happened moments ago. The unfounded accusation she kept throwing around confused and. . .wounded me. She kept yelling, saying that the devil is gonna drag me to hell for what I did. Not once did it cross her mind that she was wrong. Her pride wouldn't allow it. According to her, she was always right. I hate that about her.
Maybe I'm crying because of how. . .powerless I felt then. Whenever I would attempt to tell my side of the story, she would either yell or hit me. At one point, she nearly attacked Shane! He stood up for me, daring to do the unthinkable, refuting her claims with fact. She quickly shut him up by threatening to beat him. I was filled with so much rage! How dare she threaten him! Yet, despite my anger, I did nothing.
She threatened to tell my friends all the bad things I apparently did if I didn't straighten my behavior. I was so scared. If she actually follows through on her threat, then I don't know what I'd do. They will think I'm such a freak, a monster even! Will they even want to hang around me after that? Will they even believe her? Will her lies spread throughout my whole school?! I-I don't know how I could deal with that.
This isn't fair! What did I do to deserve this?! Did I look at her wrong or say something to upset her? What the hell did I do?! There's no way she could say these things for no reason! ! !
More tears pour down my face. I try to hold back my sobs. I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I won't let her know she hurt me.
I hear a knock on the bathroom door and a voice soon follows. "You. . .you can come out now. Mom's gone."
I just about broke down again. So much pain and fear is mixed into my brother's words. I'm such a shitty brother! Big brothers are supposed to protect their younger siblings, both physically and mentally. Yet I can't do either! Hell, he nearly got hurt because of me! What kind of big brother can't do the one thing he's supposed to do?! And what about my friends? How will their lives be affected due to mom's false truths?
"Kay," I respond to Shane, trying to sound strong. "I'll be out there in a minute."
I can't do anything. I can't protect my brother from my mother. I can't protect my friends from the lies. All I can do, all I ever do, is sit around and do nothing. I just lock myself away, in the deepest depths of my mind, and try to bear the pain.
What. . .what if I just disappeared? Everything will be better, right? Mom only messes with Shane when I'm involved. So if I were gone, he would have a better life. Right?
A sigh escapes me as I shake my head. I can't leave him. . .at least not yet. But I can leave my friends. It's not like I was any use to them anyway. I'll just cause them trouble in the long run. They'll get over my absence quickly. Hopefully, they'll forget I even exist.
I got off the toilet I was sitting on and attempt to open the door. Suddenly, I stop. I don't know why, but the mirror caught my eye. I glance at the object then quickly look away. Pathetic. The image of a failure.
A quote pops into my head. Don't remember where I heard it before or why I'm thinking about it now. But it feels appropriate.
"Mirrors are the devil's domain."
Beep! . . . Beep! . . . Beep!
Noise. Annoying. Someone turn it off. I'm trying to sleep.
Beep! . . . Beep! . . . Beep!
Dammit! Fine, I'm up!
I open my eyes and am met with a familiar sight. A white ceiling. The bed I'm lying on is so comfortable. Much better than the mattress I sleep on at Misato's place. I almost fall back to sleep, but the constant beeping prevents me from doing so. Seeing as I'm not going to get rest, I decided to review my situation.
Let's see, I'm obviously in a hospital. The thing is, how did I get here? I remember going to school, getting into Unit-01 and-
Memories of my battle rush into my brain, nearly giving me a heart attack. The heart monitor's beeping increases in frequency as I attempt to calm myself. I put my hand against my chest and start to slow my breathing. Just then, I noticed something. My chest is bare. I lift my bed sheets slightly. . . yep, I'm naked. Why the hell am I naked?
I let out an irritated groan and began to scan the room. It looks like I'm alone. Wait, where's my cross? Did the hospital staff take it or did it get lost? Shit, I hope it isn't lost!
My nerves finally settle when I spot the object hanging on the left side of the bed railing. I grab the object and put it around my neck. Seeing as no one's here, I decide to get out of bed. I immediately regret it as all my muscles scream at me, demanding rest. I ignore their complaints. Using the bed sheets to cover myself, I walk around the room, looking for clothes. One of the draws in the corner of the room only has hospital gowns. No time to be picky. I groan as I abandon my sheets and put on the gown.
When I'm fully dressed, I leave the room and wander around the hospital. Since I'm not wearing any shoes, I can feel how cold the floor is here. It's like I stepped in an ice rink. Eventually, I get used to the feeling and take in my surroundings. You know, for a hospital, it's pretty empty. There's barely anyone out here. Every once in a while I would run into someone wearing a hospital uniform, but most of the time the halls were empty. Perhaps the hospital part of Nerv is for pilots only. That would explain why the place seems vacant. Though if I'm right, this is kinda fucked up. Where does everyone else go if they're injured?
After walking around for a while, I decide to take a seat near a large window, giving me a clear view of the Geofront. Judging from the lighting, it's probably six or seven in the afternoon. This is one of the few times the Geofront actually looks nice. The way the orange sun rays pierce the reinforced glass ceiling, gives the place a fiery aura. It makes the usually bland forest feel warm and welcoming.
My body shivers as I once again think about my fight with the Angel. This makes it the second time I almost died. And the worst part, it was completely avoidable! What the hell was I thinking?! I should've just used the shields to run away! There was no way I could've killed that creature with the amount of power I had left! It was a stupid and reckless thing to do! My shivering increases as I think about the LCL boiling around me. I almost died just like him. Dammit! How could I be so stupid?!
"Pilot Hart," Rei's voice cuts me out of my thoughts. I look away from the large window to see her standing with a food cart in front of her. "You have awoken earlier than expected."
She grabs a tray of food on the cart's top shelf and hands it to me.
"Thank you," I tell her as I grab the food. Let's see, eggs, toast and some OJ. Looks like someone hired a decent chief this time. Let's hope it's as good as it looks. As I dig in, Rei once again speaks up.
"I am to brief you on our schedule." She pulls out a small book, opens it, and begins to read aloud. "Operation Yashima is to begin at midnight. Pilots will arrive in the Eva cages at 17:30. At 18:00, the Evas will be activated. At 18:05, the Evas will be deployed. Pilots will arrive at the temporary base located within Mt. Futago at 18:30. Pilots will wait for further instructions." She pulls out a clear plastic bag from the food cart's second shelf and tosses it to me. I catch it, and see it's a plugsuit. "It's a new one."
"Thanks," I reply. Gulping down some more food, I decide to ask a question. "Why such a large time gap between the start of the mission and our arrival?"
"Unit-01 is being repaired," she simply states.
I scratch the side of my nose and laugh a bit. "Yeah, sorry about that."
"Why are you apologizing?" she asks.
"It's because of my stupidity that Unit-01 even needs repairs. I thought it was a good idea to charge directly into the Angel's attack with limited power. Don't know what I was thinking."
"The task of Eva pilots is to destroy the Angels," Rei says matter-of-factly. "You were simply attempting to accomplish that task."
"Yeah, guess you're right." Running my hand through my dreads, I realize there's no hair-band. Shit, my hair must look wild. "Still, it doesn't change that what I did was stupid."
Rei doesn't say anything.
I let out a laugh as I rest my hands on my knees. "I just realized something. I keep doing stupid shit then apologizing for it later. I've been doing that ever since I got here. I apologized to Toji and Kensuke after taking things too far during our fight. I apologized to Misato after being such a little shit. I apologized to you after almost having you killed! Now I'm going to have to apologize to Misato again, after making her feel like shit!"
My laughter dies down, a sad smile creeps its way onto my lips. "I'm such a screw-up. It's nice to know dimension hopping didn't change that."
Rei remains quiet. When I look at her, curiosity is painted all over her face. Don't know why I'm telling her all this. A light chuckle escapes me as I get up and hand her my empty tray. "Thanks for the meal."
Her expression returns to a neutral state. She puts the empty tray back on the food cart.
"Nerv staff will arrive shortly. They will provide you with civilian clothing," she explains. "Remain where you are."
She pushes the food cart past me and leaves. When she's out of sight, I once again return my attention to the large window.
It's been hours (a day to be more precise) since I was allowed to leave the hospital. I used the time I had to wander around Nerv. I'm dressed in my regular clothes ( an unzipped jacket with a grey shirt underneath and baggy jeans) and have my dreadlocks tied back. Walking through the halls has become something of a hobby of mine. I never did get a good look of Nerv HQ, even when I used to live here. Thankfully, there's a lot to look at. I've passed by several training facilities, rooms full of machines and several pools. Perhaps this place isn't as bad as I remember. I mean, I only had a bad time because I had to deal with Ritsuko and the Eva. Eventually, I come across someone yelling a number of profanities at a vending machine. Just the person I was looking for.
"Careful. You'll hurt its feelings." I alert Misato.
My voice immediately catches her attention. She turns around and displays an embarrassed smile before quickly composing herself. "How long were you standing there?"
"Long enough," I say with a smirk.
A chuckle escapes her lips as she walks up to me. "I was afraid you'd say that," she rests her hand on my shoulder and adopts are concerned look. "Are you feeling alright?"
I nod.
"Good," she says, relieved at the news. "I'm sorry I couldn't visit you in the hospital."
"I understand," I respond. "You were busy."
Guilt is gnawing away at me. It causes me to momentarily look away. "Misato. I. . . *sigh* I need to tell you something."
Concern onces again molds onto her face, but it quickly turns to a smile. "Okay, but let's talk in the cafeteria. I'm starving and that thing obviously isn't gonna give me what I paid for," she says as she glares at the vending machine.
I nod and gesture for her to lead the way. Moments later, we're inside the cafeteria sitting at one of the tables. Misato's eating bread, mashed potatoes and some other food I can't quite identify. Glad I decided not to eat here, it's like the cafeteria staff is trying to kill everyone who works here. Though Misato doesn't seem to mind the food, but that's not saying much. Her idea of a well balanced meal is overcooked ramen mixed with some slop she found at the back of the fridge. Heh, she's kinda like my brother in that regard.
"So, what did you want to tell me?" she asks in between bites.
"Well," I start as I rub the back of my neck. "I want to apologize for what happened during my last synchronization test."
The smile she was wearing quickly disappears. She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. "Before you say anything, I want you to know you didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for."
Misato looks down at the table. "But-"
"No! Don't start!" I raise my voice slightly. "Shinji died. And yeah, that's pretty shitty. But blaming yourself for what happened isn't gonna bring him back!"
She doesn't say anything, a look of shock is presented on her face.
"You did what you thought was right and no one has any right to judge you for what happened! If someone else was put in your position, they would've done the exact same thing! Hell, if it's anyone's fault it's Gendo's. He's the one who thought it was a good idea to put his untrained son in an Eva. A pretty stupid move if you ask me."
"So, just accept my apology." I smile a bit. "I made you feel like shit, which was stupid of me. *Sigh* I just took out my frustrations on you again, even after I promised I would no longer do that. Man, I'm a real piece of work."
I feel something warm on my right hand. Misato's hand is on top of mine, a comforting gesture. I resist the urge to pull away, I'm not used to that kind of physical contact. It's. . .confusing? Is that the right word? I turn away from her gaze, an attempt to hide my embarrassment.
"Perhaps we both need to stop being so hard on ourselves," Misato suggests. Eventually, releasing my hand. "It will make both our lives a lot easier."
"Yeah," I respond, smiling nervously.
"Now," Misato stretches her arms as she gets to her feet. "It's almost time for the mission briefing. We both better get going, or else we'll be late."
"Yeah, we wouldn't want to ruin your 'perfect' track record," I respond sarcastically.
"Don't be an ass," Misato responds. "We may be living together, but I'm still your captain!"
"Really? Well you sure don't act like it."
We continue our little back and forth as we walk out of the cafeteria and towards the Eva cages. I miss being able to talk to someone like this. It's fun and. . .it reminds me of home.
This place is too damn bright! I know it's night out, so a few lights is to be expected. But I think they overdid it just a little bit. Shit, it's like I'm staring at the damn sun! I'm honestly surprised the Angel hasn't spotted us with how bright the mountain is.
Right now, I'm standing on a metal platform at the temporary base located on Mt. Futago. On this platform with me is Rei, Misato, Ritsuko, and a giant sniper rifle. I'm guessing that's the thing I'll be firing. I can't help but stare in awe at the sheer size of the weapon. It's kinda hard to believe that this was made by humans.
"Alright both of you, listen up!" commands Misato in a voice which demands respect. "Michael, you will be the sniper! Rei, you will be the shield!"
"The reason for this arrangement is because Michael's sync ratio in Unit-01 is higher than Rei's," Ritsuko explains.
"Yeah, by a small amount." I mutter under my breath.
Ritsuko must've heard me, because now her attention is directed to me. "This operation is going to require a high degree of precision. Even if your sync ratios differ only by a small amount, it will affect the Eva's aim significantly."
Ritsuko then looks at the giant gun. "Because of the Earth's rotation and magnetic field, the positron beam will not fire in a straight line. Due to these factors, you will need to compensate your aim in order for the beam to hit the core."
Even though I already know all this, I can't help but feel a bit nervous. I mean, someone else isn't firing this rifle, I am. I need to calm down. Even though a few things changed, this will end the same. There's nothing for me to worry about.
"So, I just need to fire when the indicators reach the center?" I ask, shaking off the sickness in my stomach.
"Correct," Ritsuko responds. "You will need to hit the Angel's core on your first shot. But, if you do happen to miss, you will need to wait for the rifle to cool then replace the fuses."
I nod. Fire, wait for the rifle to cool down, then replace the fuses. Not too hard.
"I'm just to protect Unit-01?" asks Rei.
"Correct," Ritsuko responds.
"Understood."
"It's time. Get geared up," commands Misato.
Rei and I let out sounds of acknowledgement and head to the locker rooms to change into our plugsuits.
Inside the locker room, Rei and I don't say a word. We just focus on getting dressed. When I get the suit on, I press a button on my wrist so it will fit me. Hissing can be heard as the air rushes out of the plugsuit, forcing it to tightly hug my body. I swear, whoever created this one made it tighter than the last one. I can barely move in this thing. I start stretching, trying to break this thing in. Rei has little problem moving in her plugsuit. Fully prepared, she leaves the locker room. When I manage to get comfortable, I decide to sit on a bench. For a good minute, I just focus on my breathing, mentally preparing myself for what's yet to come. After I've finished breathing, I put on my cross, mutter a little prayer, then leave the room.
Just stay calm and everything will be fine.
On my way to Unit-01, I spot Misato in the hallway. She waves at me and I approach her.
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in the Command Center?"
"Yeah, I was headed there but then something came up," she explains. She then reaches into her pocket and pulls out the cellphone she gave me. "Someone wants to speak to you."
I stare at the object, utterly confused. "Who is it?"
Misato grins. "Answer and find out."
I give her a weird look, but eventually relent. I grab the phone and take the person on the other end off hold. "Hello?"
"Finally! I didn't think you'd ever answer!"
What the-
"Toji?!" I respond, astonished.
"Hey, don't forget about me!" I hear another person, obviously Kensuke, say at the other end.
"How did you guys get this number?" I ask, still in shock.
"Your caretaker, Misato, gave it to us." Kensuke responds happily over the phone.
I glare daggers at Misato. What the hell?! You can't just do that!
Her response to my glare is a smug grin. I facepalm and I let out a groan.
"You alright over there?" Toji asks.
"Yeah, just nursing a slight headache," I tell him. "Just give me a second, I'm going to move to somewhere more private." I made sure to stretch the word "private", just so Misato could hear it. She puts on a mock hurt expression as I move to another part of the hallway we were in.
"So, why are you guys calling?" I ask.
Toji's the first to answer. "Well, we just wanted to make sure you were feelin' alright."
"Yeah, especially after seeing you get beaten by that monster yesterday," Kensuke chimes in.
"Umm, thanks. I'm doing fine and-" wait. "How do you know about that?"
"Umm. . ." starts Kensuke.
"We might've snuck out of the shelters to see your battle." Toji says sheepishly.
I nearly had an aneurysm. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? ! ? ! ?"
"Hey! Don't get mad at me! It was Kensuke's idea!" Toji defends.
"Well you didn't have to come along!" responds Kensuke.
"You both are idiots," I mutter under my breath.
"Anyway," starts Kensuke, "We both heard about your mission."
"How did you-"
"My father works at Nerv," he explains. "I hacked into his computer to find out about today's mission."
"Oh."
"So, we also want to wish you good luck out there."
"Yeah!" Toji chimes in. "Go out there and kick some Angel butt!"
What's with these guys? They risked their lives just to see a stupid battle, and now they're wishing me good luck on my mission. Why do they care so much? If anything, they should be wary of me. I mean, it's nice to know there are people who care but. . .I don't know.
. . .
Couldn't hurt to ask.
"Thank you for your support, but I gotta ask. . .why are you both even talking to me?"
"Hmm? What do you mean?" asks Toji.
"It's just. . .I did terrible things to you two, and yes, I know you both said there were no hard feelings. Still, you should harbor some sort of hatred for me. I mean, what I did was unforgivable and-"
"You really need to stop overthinking things," says Toji, much to my surprise.
"Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't want to talk to you?" asks Kensuke. "You don't meet a lot of Eva pilots!"
"So. . .you guys called me because I'm a pilot?" I ask.
"No, I don't care if you're a pilot or not. Maybe Kensuke does-"
"Hey!"
"But," Toji starts, "You being a pilot has nothing to do with me calling you. I just think you're a pretty cool guy. Not a lot of people will admit they did something wrong or apologize. But you did both! It takes a real man to do something like that!"
"You. . .you really think that?" I ask.
"Ofcourse!" he says without hesitation.
"If Toji thinks you're cool, then you're okay in my book." Kensuke says, full of enthusiasm.
I'm at a loss of what to say right now. I. . .I don't know how to deal with something like this. I clear my throat. "Thanks for that. I'll be sure to not let you guys down."
"I'm sure you won't," Toji responds.
"Remember, you aren't alone," Kensuke reminds me. "All of Japan is rooting for you!"
"Heh, I'll keep that in mind. Later." I hang up the phone and take a moment to process what just happened. I shake my head in disbelief and laugh a bit. Eventually, I walk back to Misato and hand her the cellphone.
"So, how was it?" she asks.
"Awkward, no thanks to you!" I respond.
"Hey, I was just trying to get you a few friends." she responds calmly.
"Whatever," I roll my eyes and begin to walk to my destination. "We're gonna have a long talk after this mission."
"Michael, wait."
I pause at the sudden change in tone. Turning to Misato, she gives me a serious look.
"Just. . .don't do anything reckless."
I didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then I let out a chuckle. "What part of this plan isn't reckless?"
"I'm serious Michael."
"Don't worry," I tell her, adopting a serious look of my own. "I'll be fine. Your plan is gonna work."
Her expression softens. I smile at her then start walking down the hallway. I pause for a moment, did an about face and raised my right hand in salute. "Looking forward to being under your command, Captain Katsuragi!"
Didn't have time to register her reaction, because now I'm running in the direction of my Eva.
God, that was corny.
The cool night air tickles my skin as I sit next to Unit-01. The distant city lights act as a torch, allowing me to get a good look at my enemy. Better get use to seeing in the dark, because when the mission starts, there will be no light source. On my right stands Unit-00, equipped with a shield whose height rivals that of its carrier. The robot's orange armor shines in the night as it reflects all the light directed on it. In front of my view of Unit-00 is Rei. She looks completely calm despite the dire circumstances. I look back at the city and close my eyes, mentally practicing my aim.
Okay, let's go over this one more time. When the city's power enters my rifle, I'm going to fire at the Angel. Most likely, I'm going to miss the first shot, just like in the show and movies. When I prepare for my second shot, the Angel will attack and Rei will shield me. When this happens, I will fire my second round and it will kill the Angel. The day is saved and I get to sleep peacefully. Perfect.
. . .
But, what if I miss the second shot? Shinji's the one who's supposed to kill this Angel, not me. He's the one who can make this shot. What if I changed things by simply being here? What if I can't do this? What if-
No! Stop that! If I go down that rabbithole I'm never gonna get out. I need to believe that everything will happen exactly how I remembered. The alternative would be. . .well. . .let's not think about that. Shit, my chest feels like a beating drum! Calm down, breathe! If my mind isn't clear when I enter Unit-01, then I really will mess up!
"You will not die."
My thoughts cease. Did Rei just speak to me?
"If you are worried about dying during this mission, don't be." She says. "I will protect you."
I look at her, wondering if she was trying to comfort me, or was simply stating a fact. Either way, it makes me feel better. I laugh a bit and start talking.
"Thanks, I needed that. I don't know why I was so worried," I look at Rei and smile. "You know, you're going to live through this as well. Neither of us are going to die, not tonight."
"It does not matter if I die here," Rei responds. "I can be replaced."
The smile I had fades away. Yeah, I almost forgot who I was talking to. Back home (my original home), I remember hearing that Rei was some kind of clone. Of who, I can't remember. But it must be pretty depressing, knowing that if you die, a look alike will take your place. Though, Rei doesn't seem disturbed by this. Her attitude towards her own existence bothers me. It shouldn't, because she seems completely fine with her purpose. But-
"I know about the Rei clones," I say, almost without thinking. Right now, I don't care if there are consequences to what I'm doing. I just. . .have to say something.
Rei's eyes widened. "H-how-"
"Doesn't matter," I tell her. "Look, I know it's because of them that you think you're replaceable. But you're wrong. There's only one Rei Ayanami. The you that exists right now can never be cloned. Sure, your mind and body can be copied. But the you I'm speaking to right now, the you that's here at this very moment, can never be replaced. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Not even yourself."
She stares at me for a long while. I'm almost scared that I broke her mind or something. Eventually her expression changes. It looks as if she just realized something.
"It's time," she says as she gets to her feet. She starts walking toward Unit-00 then stops. She turns her head slightly, offering a curious glance, then returns her attention back to the Eva.
Seeing as that was done, I began walking to Unit-01.
"Hope I did the right thing," I mutter to myself.
The LCL stings my nose, as usual. Don't think I'll ever get used to that. I move the Eva's arms to test them. Seems like they're working just fine. I command my Eva to grab the rifle and get into a sniper position. When it's on its belly, Misato checks in over the radio.
"Is everything working?"
"Yeah, the Eva is fully functional."
"Okay, Michael. I'm trusting you with the entire power of Japan. Use it wisely."
"Will do Captain."
"Alright," I hear Misato take a deep breath. "Operation Yashima beginning, now!"
"All power transferring to positron rifle!" I overheard a male employee say out loud.
A helmet extends from the back of my seat and fits itself onto my head. The screen inside activates, and I can see the indicators moving to the center. A countdown can be heard as I ready myself to fire.
Pull the trigger when the indicators go to the center of the screen. Just focus on that.
Just then, I see the Angel preparing itself to attack. Ignore it! Focus on the indicators!
"Now!"
At the moment Misato said that, I'm locked on. I pull the trigger and the sudden surge of power nearly knocks me off my seat. The beam of pure energy travels to the Angel, ready to hit it's mark. The Angel shoots a beam of its own. When the beams cross each other, all I see is a bright light, followed by an explosion.
"Ahh! ! ! Shit! ! !" The impact of the enemy's attack shakes me around the entry plug and nearly knocks my Eva off the mountain! When the dust settles, I see the Angel is still alive.
I missed the first shot, doesn't matter. I predicted this might happen. The second shot will kill it.
"Michael! Reload!" commands Misato.
"Right!" I eject the empty fuse and load in a new one. The rifle starts charging as I once again look at the indicators.
The Angel, knowing where I am, charges its beam of energy and fires.
"No! Not now!" yells Misato.
Just as the beam's about to hit its mark, Rei jumps in the way and uses her shield to defend me. She has about seventeen seconds left until her shield disintegrates. That should give the indicators enough time to lock onto the target.
I overhear Misato yelling at Nerv employees, asking how long it will take for the rifle to lock on. They tell her it should lock on within a few seconds. Rei has fifteen seconds left.
"Come on!" I mutter at the rifle, as if it could speak back. "Hurry up!"
Ten seconds left.
Now I'm starting to get worried, and from the sound of Misato's voice, so is she. But I attempt to remain calm. I stare at the indicators, and they're getting closer to the center. Still, they're taking their damn time! At this rate, Rei will-
Five seconds left.
No! It shouldn't take this long! I should've locked to my target a few seconds ago. Something's wrong! Something's horribly wrong!
Rei's shield completely disintegrates, leaving her Eva to take the full brunt of the attack.
"AHHH-mmph! ! !" I hear Rei over the radio, suppressing her urge to scream. Yet she doesn't move her Eva. She takes the attack head on, determined to complete her duty.
At that moment, everything freezes. The indicators are near the center, Unit-00 can buy me a few seconds so that I can lock onto the target. But. . .Rei can't keep this up! If this continues to go on, she will. . .she will. . .
"I can be replaced," her words echo across the depths of my mind. For some reason, that pisses me off.
"No." My grip on the control handle tightens. I can't let this happen. I won't! "FUCK THAT! ! !"
Immediately, I move my Eva to Unit-00, stretching the power cord the rifle is attached to.
I can tell everyone in the Command Center is freaking out. I overhear voices saying "What the hell is he doing" or "He's gonna get us all killed".
"Michael! You can't save her! Complete the mission! ! !" Misato screams at me.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that!" Images of Shinji's boiled corpse resurfaces from the depths of my mind. I can't let someone else die like that! Not again! Not if I can stop it! ! !
Misato is about to speak again but is cut off by Ritsuko. "Michael, you're being selfish! ! ! You're going to get you and the rest of humanity killed! Return to your position and complete the damn mission! ! !"
"SCREW THE MISSION! ! !" I scream at the top of my lungs. "All my life, I would just hide, run away, or do nothing whenever I was afraid. I'm tired of doing that! I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines while others get hurt because of me! I'm tired of being so pathetic! ! !" I command my Eva to lift its left arm and it makes contact with Unit-00's back. The conductive heat stings my hand, but I endure it!
"If all I do is run away, then what's the point in piloting this thing?! I can't let her. . .no. I won't let her die alone! Somebody already had to suffer all that, and I won't let it happen again! ! !"
I activate my A.T. Field and raise it to its max power. Then, I felt something strange. No. . .I saw something strange. It was only for a second, but it's like a rainbow of colors was surrounding both my Eva and Unit-00.
"What the. . .that's. . . how-" I hear Ritsuko ask over the radio.
"If I can't save one person, then all this pain would've been for nothing! ! !" I felt as if I've merged with Rei. All the pain she felt, all the fear, they're a part of me now. It burns. It's nearly unbearable. How can someone so strong be so fragile? Our A.T. Fields combine to create a barrier. The Angel continues it's assault, though something feels odd. I might be imagining things, but it's like the A.T. Field is absorbing the attack instead of resisting it.
Despite our combined defense, both of our Eva's armor is melting. It hurts like hell, but I work through the pain. I rest my rifle on top of Unit-00's right shoulder and take aim. Few seconds later, the indicators lock onto the Angel. I pull the trigger and a powerful beam of energy exits the barrel. The beam pierces through the Angel's attack and goes through the Angel itself. The creature let's out one final screech before crashing to the ground below.
Silence. All the chatter over the radio died just then. Eventually, the silence is replaced with cheers! I let out the breath I was holding and start laughing like a maniac. Man, what the hell was I thinking?! This makes it my third time almost dying! I must have a fucking death wish! I laugh even louder and only stop to catch my breath.
Unit-00 collapses. My attention immediately goes to the robot. I extract my Progressive knife and use it to cut open Unit-00's back. When I finally find the entry plug, I pull it out of the Eva. The capsule immediately sprays LCL everywhere, ridding itself of the liquid. I lay the capsule on the ground and force eject myself out of Unit-01. When I'm out of the Eva, I force the LCL out of my lungs and start the climb down. As soon as I touched the ground I immediately run to Rei's entry plug. I grab the capsule's hatch and it's hot to the touch. Ignoring the pain, I keep my grip on the hatch and begin turning. I continue this action until the capsule opens. I instantly crawl into the entry plug, prepared to speak to Rei.
"Rei! Are you alright?"
She isn't moving. Parts of her skin have blisters and other parts are red.
"Rei? Rei, can you hear me?"
I expected her to start moving. I expected her to open her eyes and look at me in confusion, questioning why I saved her. But that's not what happened. She remains still.
Panicking, I crawl deeper into the entry plug and try to shake her awake. She. . .she isn't breathing. I check her pulse. . .she doesn't have one.
No.
"No. No! No! ! ! NO! ! !" This wasn't supposed to happen! She's. . .she's. . .No! I can't let this happen!
I drag her out of the capsule and lie her on the ground.
Alright, let's see if I can do this correctly. I only saw this done on the internet, but I have to try! I owe her that much.
I put one of my hands on top of the other and intertwine the fingers. I then press my hands against her chest and start doing compressions. Let's see, I think I need to do thirty of these before going onto the next step. When I get to thirty, I open Rei's mouth and prepare to breathe into it. I'm hesitant to do that, but eventually I get over myself, press my mouth against her's and exhale. I check her pulse, nothing. I do the compressions and again I breathe into her.
Come one! Wake up! Please! You can't die like this!
I repeat the process again, and again nothing.
I'm panicking. I don't know what to do! She's not waking up! But, I can't give up! I have to keep going!
I do the chest compressions and breathe into her again. Fucking nothing! I start the compressions again.
God! If you can hear me, please save her! She risked her life to save me! Fucking me! Someone who doesn't deserve to be saved! Someone who doesn't deserve Misato's kindness nor Toji and Kensuke's forgiveness! All I do is screw things up over and over again. I can never do anything right! I don't want anyone to die because of me, I'm not worth the effort. So please, save her! I beg you!
I once again breathe into her and. . .nothing. I. . .failed. Desperate, I skip the compression step and just keep breathing into her, hoping something will happen! I do this one last time, and. . .something changes. I feel a rush of liquid force its way into my mouth. I pull back, partially in surprise and partially in disgust. I spit out the liquid and see it's LCL. Rei continues to cough. I put her in a sitting position pat her back, forcing the liquid out of her lungs. When she's done coughing, she opens her eyes. Shock is painted all over her face.
"I. . .I'm alive?"
I nod.
She pauses for a moment, then looks at me.
"You risked your own life to save mine. Why?"
"I. . .I just felt like it." I tell her.
"But I'm replaceable. It doesn't matter if I-"
"Quit the 'I'm replaceable' crap!" I cut her off. "Like I already told you, people can copy your mind and body, but the you that exists right now can never be replaced! That's the you that's worth fighting for, so stop it!"
Rei just stares at me. A multitude of emotions that I can't identify spreads across her face. Hell, I don't know if she's fully aware of how she's feeling. Though the one emotion I can make out, is confusion.
"I. . ." she looks away from me. "I don't know what to do in this situation."
I chuckle a bit at her obliviousness. I know what to say.
"You could smile. That tends to make things better."
She stares at me, like I said something she couldn't fully comprehend. Eventually, a small smile appears on her face.
Seeing that action makes me grin. Her smile's kinda nice.
Just then, I realized how tired I am and collapsed to the ground, hard.
"Ow."
Author's Notes: I know I said I would make the next chapter in a few weeks, but I finished this much quicker than expected. I didn't know I would enjoy writing this much! Still, I expected this chapter to reach only 3000 words. Obviously I was wrong. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to leave a review.
P.S. : I made a mistake in my last chapter hint. I put Boxer King instead of King Boxer. It's a small mistake, but I might've tripped a few people up. Anyway, I went back and fixed it.
P.S. #2: Just in case I confused you guys on Michael's time schedule, it goes something like this. He woke up at around 6 p.m to 7 p.m. ( a few hours after his 1st battle with Ramiel). He speaks to Misato the next day at around 3 p.m. or 4 p.m. Mission briefing began around 8 p.m. I just decided to add this because I felt like I did a poor job delivering that info.
Chapter 5 hint: The band's name is a the name of a color (couldn't think of a clever hint). The name of the song is the same name of this chapter.
Next chapter will arrive in a few weeks.