this body yet survives
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with The Untamed, and make no money writing fanfiction.
Chapter Five
Wei Ying offered to help carry the baskets, or even the two cages containing a fat white-feathered wuguji rooster apiece, but Wangji refused to let him—it seemed improper to have him carry any part of the betrothal gifts.
Fortunately, xiongzhang and the outer disciple were both able to help. Wangji could not recall the young man's name, only that he was an average cultivator with merely adequate guqin skills. Wangji himself carried the cages.
On the way to the guest house Jiang Wanyin and Jiang Yanli were staying in, Wei Ying stayed close, one hand grasping the edge of Wangji's sleeve, the other holding the box with his forehead ribbon with a sort of reverence. He kept looking at it, his expression tinged with wonder and disbelief.
Wangji knew it would take time for Wei Ying to process the events of today; he wondered if perhaps everything was moving too quickly—telling Wei Ying he wished to court him, the clarification of his acceptance to GusuLan as a disciple, and now formally delivering betrothal gifts to his siblings. Wei Ying was still recovering, after all, but it was too late to change course now.
If he stopped now, Wei Ying might interpret it as changing his mind, and that would be so much worse. Wangji did not want to give him any cause to doubt, not after all he had been through. If he could shield Wei Ying from everything that might hurt him, he would—but he also knew that way of thinking could turn him into his father.
He would not cage Wei Ying, even to protect him.
Jiang Yanli was writing outside in the early afternoon sunshine when they arrived, and Wangji could see her immediate understanding and joy at seeing the decorated baskets before she schooled her expression and called for Jiang Wanyin.
He froze coming from the guest house, a stunned look on his face.
Wei Ying noticed and stopped short, his expression shifting to uncertainty. He didn't know how his brother would react, Wangji realized. Wangji hovered next to him, not sure how to help.
Fortunately, Jiang Yanli seemed to know what to do. She came to Wei Ying and tucked her arm into his, pulling him forward, then called Jiang Wanyin's name with a hint of exasperation in her voice.
Quickly, the three siblings were seated at the table, Wei Ying in the middle. He still looked uncertain, almost overwhelmed, and Wangji longed to go to him and draw him into his arms.
He was relieved when Xichen stepped forward, that xiongzhang would handle this part. Technically neither himself nor Wei Ying should be present for this, but on a similar note the Jiang siblings were the family of Wei Ying's heart, not blood, so nothing about this was strictly traditional. They were both orphans, and thus no parents were involved in this betrothal process.
Xichen directed the disciple to place the baskets he was carrying and set his own down as well. At his pointed look, Wangji placed the cages with the roosters on the table as well.
"Wei Wuxian received his ribbon today," Xichen began calmly. "As only family and cultivation partners may touch it, Wangji thought perhaps he could show Maiden Jiang how he ties his into his hair."
Jiang Yanli looked delighted, and Wei Ying opened the box to show her the ribbon.
"Oh, it has little embroidered clouds," she exclaimed.
"An inner disciple's ribbon," the outer disciple said, sounding surprised.
"Wei-gongzi has contributed much to Gusu Lan already," Xichen clarified. "Shufu and I made the decision."
Jiang Yanli eyed his hair, clearly thinking ahead to the lesson, and she smiled.
"Oh, is that a new guan?"
To Wangji's delight, Wei Ying blushed.
"Mine broke this morning. This one belonged to Lan Zhan's mother."
"A love token?" Jiang Yanli asked, her smile widening. "It is lovely."
"You have a whole bag of guan," Jiang Wanyin muttered.
Wei Ying froze, his eyes going distant. The Jiang siblings looked startled by his reaction.
"The guan in his bag all had lotus on them," Wangji stated.
He offered nothing more, but they realized anyway if the grief on their faces told him anything. As Wei Ying has predicted, they were sad, but there was a determination there as well.
"I'll go through your bags for you," Jiang Wanyin told him softly. "Get rid of anything with lotuses."
"I'm sorry we didn't realize, A-Xian."
Wei Ying attempted a smile, but it was weak.
Both of his siblings looked as though they felt guilty for not having realized, but Wangji had only noticed this morning, had connected his fugue with the fallen lotus guan scattered across the floor.
"I didn't tell you," Wei Ying murmured. "How would you know?"
"Tell us what's bothering you, you idiot. We can't help otherwise."
The smile turned more true, and sheepish.
"I'll try."
Xichen cleared his throat delicately and gestured to the baskets on the table, and he and Wangji bowed and took their seats across the table as the outer disciple started to unwrap the cloth covering them.
"Regarding the love token…"
Inside the baskets was white tea from Gusu Lan's stores, aged decades to develop its delicate flavor. Sweet osmanthus cakes stamped with dragon designs—no phoenix, as both he and Wei Ying were men. A pair of dragon candles. One of the baskets contained cuts of pork, obviously purchased in Caiyi; this gift implied Jiang Yanli was a maternal figure. Another basket contained an assortment of seafood to symbolize a long and happy marriage. Oranges and apples, dates, dried tangerine and melon slices, lotus seeds, candies symbolizing prosperity, good fortune, luck, peace, and offspring—perhaps the hope he and Wei Ying would adopt? Sprigs of pine for longevity. Carved jade in different hues—green dragons and turtles, red and purple birds, white clouds, a black bat, orange fish, blue butterflies, flowers in all colors, and other auspicious symbols—all to show Wei Ying's worth.
Gold had a value; jade was invaluable.
"We have brought a betrothal gift for you, Wei-gongzi's siblings, to seek your approval for him to be wed to Wangji."
"I asked him if he would consent to be courted, and he agreed," Wangji offered.
Instead of responding, Jiang Wanyin looked at Wei Ying with what seemed like anger at first glance but was actually disappointment and grief.
"You're not coming back to Lotus Cove," he said.
It wasn't a question, and he clearly already knew the answer. Jiang Wanyin's voice was resigned and rough, as though he had held out hope all this time while knowing it was unlikely.
Wei Ying flinched, his face pinched with his own emotions. His throat worked soundlessly for a moment.
"I can't," he finally said, his voice shaky. "I'm sorry, Jiang Cheng."
"Don't apologize," Jiang Wanyin told him. "It's not your fault. After what happened…"
"I promised I'd be your right hand man," Wei Ying murmured.
His hand was fisted in his sleeve, Wangji noticed, his knuckles as white as the robe, as he fought his emotions.
"But I can't go back. Not now. Maybe not ever. I'm sorry."
Jiang Wanyin took him by the shoulders and shook him slightly.
"It isn't your fault!" he hissed as Wei Ying stared at him wide-eyed. "You have nothing to be sorry for, A-Xian!"
Instead of releasing him, he pulled his brother into an almost violent hug. Then they were both crying, as was Jiang Yanli, who put a hand on Wei Ying's back.
"It's enough that you're here," she said. "That you're alive."
Wangji knew from her expression she was seeing Wei Ying wan and bloody in the mud.
"You will always be his siblings," he said impulsively, trying to stave off those same memories. "That cannot be taken from you."
"Yes," Jiang Yanli whispered. "A-Xian is the brother of our hearts."
Jiang Wanyin released Wei Ying and fixed Wangji with a calculating look, measuring him as though trying to decide if he was worthy of his brother. Wangji did not begrudge him that—he should do so.
"You'll protect him?"
Wangji nodded.
"He lies. He'll pretend he doesn't need help or protecting when he really does. You'll protect him from himself?"
Wangji nodded again, reflecting on the way Wei Ying has, how he often put himself last in sneaky ways. He would need to compensate with that in mind.
Jiang Wanyin nodded back, looking very much like he was struggling to find words.
"He's afraid of dogs. Terrified of them. Even the tiniest puppies. You have to protect him from them. And he forgets to eat. Even before, he forgot when he was working. He gets too focused and forgets to eat and sometimes even sleep."
Wangji realized abruptly that these instructions were Jiang Wanyin's way of expressing his approval. It would be his responsibility to care for Wei Ying.
Jiang Yanli expressed the importance of spice, of nutritious and delicious foods, of hugs and affection.
"Xianxian is three," she said softly, tweaking Wei Ying's nose between two knuckles and then dabbing at his tears with her sleeve. "He doesn't say when he's hurting. He keeps it inside, like with the lotuses. He fears becoming a burden."
Wei Ying sat still between his siblings, his face flushed, clearly overwhelmed by their discussion of him and his needs.
"Wei Ying is never a burden," Wangji said. "Wei Ying is a joy."
His face flushed deeper, and he hid behind his sleeves.
"You can't just say things like that, Lan Zhan."
"Mm, can."
"Lan Zhan!"
"Xianxian deserves to be spoiled," Jiang Yanli said with a smile, nudging him playfully.
Wei Ying peeked out to shoot her a tremulous smile, but otherwise kept his face hidden. Jiang Wanyin shoved him lightly.
"I won't be able to get away with staying here forever," he said regretfully. "I'm the heir. Eventually I'll be expected home."
He fixed Wangji with a scowl.
"But if I can be sure Wei Wuxian is protected before I have to leave, I'll feel better."
"He is a Gusu Lan disciple," Xichen pointed out softly. "He will be protected even without the courtship and marriage."
"Unlike in Yunmeng," Jiang Wanyin muttered bitterly.
Though Wangji knew xiongzhang hadn't meant it in that way from the way he winced, he didn't disagree with the Jiang heir's interpretation. As a disciple—as head disciple—Wei Ying should have been protected, even from the fury of Madam Yu. She should have faced consequences for attacking a disciple alone, not protected by Meishan Yu with Wei Ying dismissed as a mere servant, as though he was property to be done with as she pleased.
These things still angered Wangji a year later, and probably always will.
"A-Cheng," Wei Ying said. "It wasn't—"
"You should've been protected," Jiang Wanyin interrupted. "A-die should've protected you. We failed you."
"You didn't," he whispered. "It wasn't your fault."
Jiang Yanli reached out and took Wei Ying's hand.
"A-Xian, we want to be sure it never happens again. A-Cheng and I couldn't protect you well enough, and Father should have protected you from a-niang, and he failed to."
"Shijie…"
Wei Ying ducked his head, and Wangji knew he was trying to avoid thinking poorly of the man who he'd been raised to consider an uncle. But there were other issues as well—in truth, Jiang Yanli was no longer his martial sister, but he had called her that since he was young and perhaps hadn't fully realized. Or, more realistically, he didn't know what to call her otherwise.
"He could have officially adopted you, A-Xian," she said gently. "He could have made you our brother officially. She wouldn't have dared touch you then."
"It isn't too late," Xichen interjected. "The three of you could become sworn siblings."
The Jiang siblings froze, blinking at each other in surprise. They had not considered the option, but Wangji had not either. The act would send a clear message to the cultivation world at large, would serve as further protection for Wei Ying.
"It would mean you still have a connection to Yunmeng Jiang," Jiang Wanyin said after a moment.
Wei Ying looked flummoxed, surprised beyond words by the suggestion, and perhaps a bit torn. With his reaction to lotuses, his trauma, a connection might not be a good thing.
"You could call me jiejie," Jiang Yanli whispered, squeezing Wei Ying's hands. "I'm not really your shijie anymore, but I'd really like to be your jiejie."
That was apparently the final straw for Wei Ying, who let out a sob and buried himself in her arms. Jiang Wanyin managed a smile, putting a hand on his shoulder, but looked close to tears himself. Becoming sworn siblings would just make official the relationship they had had most of their lives, would solidify their connection to one another.
"We can set up the ceremony for tomorrow," Xichen said, smiling gently. "As Jin-furen and Jin-gongzi are visiting, they could serve as witnesses."
Jiang Yanli glanced at Wei Ying in concern.
"Jin-furen?"
"We met her in Caiyi," Wangji stated. "She has dissolved the sworn sisterhood and wished to commission Wei Ying."
The news clearly comes as a surprise to the Jiang siblings—apparently in previous visits Jin Zixuan hadn't mentioned it.
"They are having tea with shufu presently, but likely intend to visit you," Xichen added.
The Jiang siblings were watching their brother with concern, and he managed a smile, straightening.
"I'm fine. Lan Zhan was with me. We rescued a turtle at the fish market and released it in the pond at the jingshi. And we got a book about turtles and poetry and oil for my hair and tanghulu."
None of his rambling mentioned the Jin, and Wangji could hear exhaustion in his voice, despite how he tried to keep his tone light. From his siblings' expressions, they could tell as well.
"It was a long day for Wei Ying," he said softly.
A broken guan and slight breakdown, consenting to be courted, rescuing the turtle, shopping, encountering Jin-furen unexpectedly, receiving his ribbon and clarification that Cloud Recesses was now his home, and now this. Too much for him while he was still recovering, almost certainly. He wanted to take him somewhere quiet so he could rest, or to the meadow to bury him in soft rabbits.
"You're already protecting him," Jiang Yanli commented approvingly.
"We'll need to establish chaperones," Jiang Wanyin said, frowning.
They were agreeing to the betrothal, Wangji realized, and warmth spread from his chest in a way he usually only felt around Wei Ying. Joy. He was feeling joy. The siblings of Wei Ying's heart had accepted their courtship. They would wed.
Xiongzhang smiled and nudged him gently, clearly happy for him.
"Wei Wuxian deserves no less," Xichen agreed. "We want to make his worth very clear. Chaperones through the courtship period will be appropriate."
Wei Ying looked embarrassed by this, as though he felt the fuss was too much for him.
"A-Xian has faced enough questions over his worth. He is precious to us and will be treated as such."
Jiang Yanli was watching Wei Ying, too, he noticed, and was speaking in part to him.
"A-Cheng and I will be happy to chaperone," she finished.
"For times when you are indisposed, or if myself or shufu are unavailable, I'm sure we can have some of the outer disciples act in that capacity," Xichen added. "They are often responsible for escorting guests."
"Wei Ying may need rest before dinner, while you are visiting with Jin-furen and Jin-gongzi," Wangji stated, watching him. "I would like to escort him to his quarters once Jiang-guniang has tied his ribbon."
In truth, their lunch in Caiyi had been more of a second breakfast, too early to truly be lunch. There were still several hours left before dinner.
"I'll just take it off to rest, won't I?" Wei Ying protested.
"And I will help you put it back on before dinner," Jiang Yanli said. "I'm happy to."
"Disciple Su can chaperone your return to Wei-gongzi's quarters before he returns to his other duties," Xichen said.
The disciple bowed. He had a somewhat petulant look on his face, but as Wangji recalled that seemed to just be his natural expression.
"Yes, Lan-zongzhu."
Jiang Yanli reached into the basket of osmanthus cakes and presented the disciple with one, bowing.
"Thank you for your help."
He took the cake, blinking at her in a startled way, then quickly returned her bow and retreated.
She moved around the table to study Lan Wangji's hair, and he removed his ribbon and demonstrated how he wove it through his hair for her twice before she was satisfied she understood.
Within minutes, Wei Ying was wearing his ribbon, the pale fabric making the skin of his face look less pallid, demonstrating how much healthier he looked in comparison to only weeks ago. He looked beautiful as a Gusu Lan disciple, with a proper ribbon—but he was always beautiful to Wangji, so perhaps he was biased.
"It suits you," Jiang Yanli told him softly. "The clouds almost look like wings from a distance. Perhaps the wings of a crane."
Wei Ying blushed, and Wangji felt his ears heat. A pair of cranes alluded to a wish for a long married life. He had never considered the resemblance of the embroidery to wings, but he could see it now.
"Or lucky roosters, like these," Jiang Wanyin muttered, pointing at the cages. "I don't know what we'll do with them."
Jiang Yanli brushed her thumb against the embroidery on the ribbon, smoothing what must have been a minute wrinkle. The gesture was almost motherly.
"They're for Xianxian's wedding, to lead him to his husband. We'll keep them until then, of course. They're lovely."
She sat beside him, and Wei Ying leaned his head against her shoulder, a beautiful smile gracing his lips. He looked radiant, if tired, filled with a joy Wangji felt as well.
"Shufu and I will consult to select an auspicious date," Xichen said. "I would be honored if you two would assist in the planning of the wedding."
Jiang Yanli looked overjoyed, and Jiang Wanyin nodded, his expression of a man about to embark on an important mission.
"A-jie and I had ideas," he said.
Wei Ying stared at him, open-mouthed in shock.
"What, you thought we didn't do that for you like you and I did for A-jie? Like I'm sure you two did for me?" Jiang Wanyin demanded.
"Of course we made plans for you, A-Xian."
"I didn't expect to get married," Wei Ying whispered. "I was going to help Yunmeng Jiang."
Wangji was surprised by that, but perhaps he shouldn't have been—Wei Ying was exactly the type to deny himself to do what he saw as duty. His siblings were looking at him in horror, as though just realizing that terrible truth.
"You were allowed to marry, you idiot," Jiang Wanyin exploded, then took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Even if it meant marry out. You didn't have to stay."
"I did. I promised."
Jiang Wanyin looked to his sister, clearly trying not to lose his temper.
"Xianxian," she whispered, looking like she felt helpless. "We would never want you to give up your future for Yunmeng Jiang. You always talked so much about Lan-er-gongzi, I always assumed…"
Wei Ying blushed and glanced Wangji's way, then down at his lap. He was struck again by how exhausted he looked.
"He did not know my regard for him," Wangji realized aloud.
Worse, Wei Ying had thought he'd been rejected, that he was despised. And, knowing him, he had probably justified to himself that he deserved it.
He could see Xichen's surprise, but his brother had always known how he felt, before he could even understand himself.
"He thought I disliked him," he clarified for xiongzhang.
A look of guilt passed over Jiang Wanyin's face, and Wangji realized perhaps he had thought similarly, had said something to Wei Ying about it. But ultimately the fault lies with Wangji, for not expressing himself more clearly, not until it was almost too late.
Xichen also looked somewhat guilty, as though he felt he should have done something himself, but Wangji wouldn't let him blame himself.
"I will strive to be clearer. Wei Ying should know he is loved."
Wei Ying made an almost strangled sound.
"Lan Zhan, my heart can't take it," he groaned, hiding his face dramatically again. "You're too much!"
"As much as Wei Ying deserves. Wei Ying will acclimate."
Jiang Yanli patted her brother's shoulder, looking softly fond, but also concerned. Wangji wondered if she too realized that Wei Ying might disbelieve he was loved. Jiang Wanyin stayed quiet, but watchful, his jaw still clenched, his expression still stormy.
"Xianxian will need to get used to it, I think. Lan-er-gongzi will need to use the courtship period to help him adjust."
Wei Ying gave her a mock betrayed look, and she laughed gently and tweaked his nose. He blinked at her cross-eyed, looking like a sleepy kitten.
"But I think perhaps you could use a nap."
The lack of protest was enough of an indication, but Wei Ying swayed when he stood, steadied by his siblings. Jiang Yanli pulled out a handkerchief, then put some of the dates, dried tangerines and melon, candies, and an osmanthus cake on it before tying it into a pouch and pressing it into Wei Ying's hands.
"A snack would do you good," she said, leading him around the table to Wangji. "I'll send A-Cheng for you when dinner is ready. Lan-zongzhu and Lan-er-gongzi are welcome as well."
Wangji took Wei Ying's arm in his own to help steady him and received a tired smile. Disciple Su frowned at him, as though scolding him for touching his betrothed, but he ignored him. Xichen smiled.
"I will discuss courtship etiquette and terms with Wei-gongzi later, Wangji. You are aware of them. I trust you to respect them."
He nodded to his brother and led Wei Ying toward his quarters.
Respecting courtship etiquette was the same as respecting Wei Ying, particularly to the rest of the cultivation world. Wangji was disappointed, in some ways, that he had been right; the trip to Caiyi was to be their last time spent together alone for some time to come, and part of it had not been.
But as Wei Ying leaned closer, starting to wilt, Wangji focused on him alone, ignoring the disciple accompanying them. He would ensure Wei Ying ate at least some of what Jiang Yanli had packed before leaving him to rest, and the disciple could simply wait as he did so.
Wei Ying's health came above all else.
Lots of symbolism in this chapter. Different colors of jade have different meanings. Green, which is the most prized, is for friendship, harmony, and renewal. Red for energy, life, and love. Yellow for optimism, success, and generosity. Orange for ambition, vitality, and libido (lol, like WangXian need help in that department). Blue for loyalty, freedom, and faith. Purple for insight, peace, and devotion. Black for elegance, security, and pride.
There are a lot of meanings involved in carved jade specifically as well. The bat, for instance, would represent happiness and longevity. Butterflies are a symbol of love. Dragons, power, strength, and goodness, as well as masculinity. Fish represent wealth and abundance, and when paired, harmony and connubial bliss. Different birds have different meanings as well, though Lan Wangji doesn't specify which ones there are, or which flowers are carved.
I am not as familiar with betrothal customs as I would like to be, but it seemed killing and cooking the roosters would be crass at best, at least before the wedding. Apparently some customs include putting the betrothal chickens under the marital bed for the wedding night. In essence, this betrothal is different in a lot of ways because they're both grooms and both orphans. Because of Wei Wuxian's lack of blood family, the decision to go to the Jiang siblings is more a courtesy and recognition of their relationship than anything.
"Gold has a price/value; jade is priceless/invaluable" is a Chinese saying that seemed apt for a betrothal gift.
Wuguji are black-boned chickens, specifically silkies. They're a smaller breed, but prized in cooking.
Also, I keep meaning and forgetting to thank my amazing beta, MISSYriver, for all her help!