Chapter 29 - A Confession

That Ron expected a response to his confession was clear every time he looked at Hermione in the days that followed. That she was unprepared (or unwilling) to give a response was also abundantly obvious, though Ron was perplexed as to the reason why. Sure, his words had been sudden, but they hadn't come from nowhere. Surely he hadn't imagined the strong feelings between himself and Hermione after all this time, had he? What difference did it make that he said them now when they were in a situation of hardship as opposed to before? Okay, maybe he had been a bit overdue in saying them since sixth year would have been the height of his and Hermione's attraction, but so much had happened then to mess them both up, from his brief stint with Lavender Brown to Dumbledore's death at the end of the year.

But still, none of that explained Hermione's absolute aversion to the subject. Or, more precisely, her aversion to him, as she made a continuous effort not to be alone with him after the last time, and therefore not have to address what they had started speaking about. And even when she didn't put Harry as a natural buffer between them, Hermione took on more duties and study than before, claiming that since their wards had been breached once, it was clear that stronger ones were needed. Now, as to how much Hermione Granger claimed that she didn't already know and thus needed to read up on, that in itself was kind of doubtful.

In one of his more debonair moments that, though he didn't know it, unfortunately came too late, for once Ron Weasley was actually understanding about things and made no attempt to breach Hermione's privacy. If she was so intent on putting up a bubble around herself to avoid the subject, then Ron wasn't going to push her. True, he was confused, but at the same time he reasoned that she needed to have time to think things through. This was huge emotional baggage that he was subjecting her to, and, being a girl, she needed to have time to accustom herself to it.

Assumptions aside, Hermione wasn't dealing with the question of what to do nearly as well as she would have liked. And that was precisely because there was no right answer. Either a 'yes' or a 'no' would bode badly for her relationship with Ron in the long run, and she couldn't bring herself either to lie or to break his heart just then. They had finally gotten Ron back, and even in such a short time he had proved in a number of ways how much he had improved from before and...well, even if he had come to expect from Hermione more than it was possible for her to give, she couldn't ruin things now. For Harry's sake especially, and how he was finally starting to get a few nights of nearly-uninterrupted sleep, she couldn't antagonize anything within the trio's friendship.

As such, New Year's came and went without any hassle, save from the obvious but unspoken-of matter of Ron's earlier confession.

After New Year's though, the third day after they had made the move to Whitby Abbey, Hermione finally received another patronus from Draco to let her know that he had settled back into Hogwarts and would be alone in the Room of Requirement every night from 7-9 in case she needed to contact him. His message was as aloof-sounding as always, but Hermione liked to think she knew him well enough by now to recognize the hint of longing when she heard it. As always, she was convinced that Draco needed someone to talk to, and she very much wanted to be that someone—even if the only way they could communicate was like this, via patronus.

Typical of a wintry January night, it was blisteringly cold when Hermione received the patronus, pacing among the ruins of the abbey on her turn at guard duty. Her breath fogged into the air in front of her as she gasped in surprise at seeing the little peacock, looking so out of place in her otherwise barren environment. Draco's words, though noncommittal, seemed to warm her just a bit.

Glancing back towards the light of the tent, where Harry and Ron were going over a few spells for Harry to practice on Ron's wand, Hermione decided that it was private enough so that she wouldn't have to move ever further away to send a message back. Taking out her wand and trying to keep her teeth from chattering, she sent Draco a message asking for more specifics on how he was, what he was doing, and how things were in general now that he was back at Hogwarts.

To her surprise though, Draco didn't answer any of her questions, but instead sent a stern message back, demanding why she sounded like she was just getting over a Dementor's Kiss. "Wait a minute, you didn't actually encounter any Dementors, did you?" Draco finished off. After all, they were also on the Dark Lord's side and thus involved in hunting Harry.

Hermione rubbed her arms through her winter coat, which really wasn't helping much to keep the cold out. True, she also had a warming charm in place, but some of her spells, especially the nonverbal ones, were starting to get a bit lax after how tired she was becoming yet again. True to her word, she really had studied stronger wards to put up; and right now, keeping them in place for the first time was taking up more of her concentration than usual. As such, other spells for keeping warm weren't exactly her priority.

Though maybe they should be, Hermione amended. After all, this was their fourth day making camp at the abbey, and so far they hadn't seen another living soul nearby, magical or otherwise. And if she froze to death before the night was over, she certainly wouldn't be of help to anyone regardless of whether they were found by snatchers or not.

Lowering the wards just a tad, Hermione murmured the familiar warming charm, which worked slowly but surely in bringing her comfort.

"It's just that it's cold out here," she replied, realizing that she'd kept Draco waiting perhaps a tad too much on the response for that. She could just imagine the young Malfoy pacing and running a hand through his hair in frustration the longer he had to wait. "But in response to your question, no, we haven't encountered any Dementors or really anyone or anything. The abbey is a better place to camp out than I would have thought, considering that it's a tourist location."

Draco's unconvinced sniff was the first thing she heard in his response. "While I know where you are, is there anything that you or Harry need? Since classes haven't started yet, I have a lot of free time on my hands that I'd rather put to good use before I start delving into more books on research. I'll need more excuses to avoid Crabbe and Goyle as it is."

This was a new bit of information to Hermione, though Draco probably didn't realize it. "Wait, you're avoiding Crabbe and Goyle?" she asked right away. "I thought they were your friends."

Draco's next message sounded as weary as Hermione imagined he probably looked. "That's a very loose definition right now, Hermione. Technically, I suppose they both still consider themselves my friends, but we haven't been hanging out together as much as we used to. They've...taken to learning the Dark Arts far more than I have, and it does me no good to be around them for too long. They're both eager to please the Dark Lord and become active death eaters, whereas their opinion of me is part awe and part envy now for having 'accomplished' what I have already."

He sighed. "I don't need more reminders about how things stand, so I'd just as soon avoid them as not. Going to the library to do research for what they assume are hexes and other dark arts is as good a reason as I've got to get away from them."

Hermione couldn't help but giggle. "I used to use the library as an excuse to get away sometimes too," she confessed. "Never thought you'd do the same thing, Draco."

"It's one of many excuses I have, though not my preferred one, seeing as it actually involves looking busy," Draco said, sounding smug. "Apart from that though, you still haven't answered my question: is there anything that you or Harry need that I can bring you?"

It was as close to an invitation to see him face to face as Hermione had ever gotten, which made her excited at the prospect even if they didn't need Draco to bring them anything.

She was just about to summon up her patronus and let Draco know as much to come anyway...

...but then she remembered the situation with Ron and how he still didn't know about Draco. Er, several things, that is. And the fact remained that there was no possible way for her to accept seeing Draco until she cleared things up with Ron—it would be dishonest to all of them otherwise.

Mouth clenched in a firm line, Hermione summoned up her patronus and sent Draco a message at last. "We do need some more food stores, actually. Also, we're running out of bandages and other medical supplies, though Dittany is what we're lacking the most. If I can think of anything else, I'll let you know."

"I'll see to it," Draco replied. "It won't take long to get what you're asking for though, so when should I bring it? I assume that we'll meet at the abbey unless you're planning to move in the next day or two?"

"We've decided to stay here for the remainder of the week, assuming that nothing happens," Hermione assured him. "Our last day will be on the sixth. If you could come before then, you'll find us here."

"I'll come sometime in the evening then. Watch for me and let Potter and Weasley know not to stun me or anything." Then, after a brief pause, "Not that either of them would have much of a chance though."

Draco's smugness aside, Ron actually might stun Draco or worse if Hermione didn't clear things up with him.

As such, with no time to waste, Hermione spent the rest of her evening coming up with more or less what to say to Ron Weasley to prepare him for...what was bound to be quite a shock, either which way she went about it. Hopefully though, things would end in a neutral truce rather than come to hexes and jinxes exchanged between them.

The next morning provided the perfect opportunity for Ron and Hermione to talk, as Harry went out to take his assigned guard duty. This time, Hermione did not retreat to her portion of the tent once Harry left, as she had been doing for the past several days, but instead indicated a clear intention to talk as she set two cups of tea down on the table. Ron was surprised, but sat down gratefully and eyed Hermione carefully. Much as he tried to appear calm and nonchalant though, anticipation was written in every tensed muscle of his body.

"It's good," he said, a compliment on the instant tea of all things.

Hermione nodded, setting aside her own cup untouched. Though this was bound to be difficult either way, it was now or never for her to finally get it out—while her courage still lasted. "Ron, we need to talk about what you said to me a few days back," she began.

Ron blinked, a hopeful light in his eyes. "Oh yeah?" He gave a nod, folding his hands in front of him but, thankfully, not reaching for hers. "So you've been thinking about it?"

Hermione forced herself to look him in the eye—he deserved that much courtesy from her, given what she was going to say. "Ron, if you had said what you did a few months earlier, then—"

"I know I should have," Ron cut in. "Look, I know things were stronger between us then and you've already said how now's not the best time, but—"

"Ron, stop!" Hermione exclaimed. She was a bit surprised at the sharpness of her own tone, as she had wanted to keep things amiable between them, but clearly she had gotten past the point of being able to put up with Ron's upfront, rushed personality. "You have to listen to me and let me finish before you say anything, or I'll never get this out!"

Ron stared at her wide eyed, his mouth in a firm line. Clearly, already this discussion was playing out differently than he had expected. "Go on," he said tightly.

Inhaling deeply, Hermione faced him again. "If you had said this months earlier, then I would have been thrilled. Back then, I did like you in that way Ron, make no mistake."

She sighed. "But since this war came about, things have changed—not only has it changed us as people, but it has definitely changed things between us. This war brought about sides to us, sides to you, Ron, that I never would have imagined before."

Despite his resolution not to, Ron already looked about to say something. So, before he had a chance to, Hermione quickly plunged ahead.

"And whether you can say that it's been the influence of the locket or the stress of a number of things, it doesn't matter. We've all been under the same difficulties and reacted in different ways to everything. I've had to erase my parents' minds, Ron, make it seem as though I never existed." Hermione swallowed the lump in her throat at that grim memory. Vaguely, she realized that she had never even told Draco about that.

"So, regardless of what you say or what reasons you give, I still can't justify how you acted before, even to the point of leaving us. I'm trying, Ron, I'm really trying, but it's not an easy thing to forgive. Even without that though...the point is that I've gotten over feeling that way for you, Ron," Hermione admitted at last. "I can't return your feelings anymore. I will always love you as a friend and I want things to remain on good terms between us after this war is over. But, for what you're asking, it's just not possible."

It was far from telling him everything of course, but right now what she was saying was enough—and she had done so to the best of her abilities to make Ron understand that this was just between them, regardless of the fact that Draco had come along and added to things. Hermione certainly couldn't put things in any more clearer terms without causing injury, but at least, on her end, she had closed that chapter between them evermore. Whether or not Ron would understand, well...

His fists were clenched tightly on the table, seemingly without his even realizing it. He stared ahead into space, his eyes radiating a number of emotions, ranging from disbelief to insult and injury. However, if Hermione could be sure she wasn't imagining it, there was also a small hint of acceptance there, and that was all she wanted.

"So it's wanting too much right now, isn't it?" Ron murmured at last, not looking at Hermione directly.

Hermione shook her head, her curls cascading around her in their usual unruliness. "Like I said, Ron, it's just not possible. Please don't make me hurt you by having to repeat things."

Ron snorted. "Hurt me? Yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to do that. Merlin knows you've been looking out for me from the beginning." Taking in a deep breath to remain calm, he focused his blue eyes on Hermione's. "And I know you're always sure about things, Mione, but I'll ask one more time: Is there really no chance for us?"

"There isn't an 'us', Ron. Maybe once, there could have been, but there isn't now and there isn't ever going to be. I'm—"

But before she could apologize, Ron had already bolted from the table, a look of pure hurt and disbelief across his face. Hermione briefly heard him bump into Harry outside, but no words were exchanged on Ron's behalf. The only sound afterwards were of Ron's receding footsteps, noisy as ever. For a moment, she panicked and thought of going after him just in case he strayed outside their wards; but, knowing Ron, that was the last thing he would want, and besides which it would send the wrong message. Hopefully Ron was conscientious enough to still take their safety into consideration, despite his turbulent emotions.

Hermione exhaled deeply, prepared for when Harry burst into the tent with a questioning look on his face shortly after. Her own reflections were hardly more comforting than her friend's presence, though. After holding off on this confrontation for a few days, it seemed it was bound to end up ugly no matter how she went about it. Oh, but if only Ron hadn't insisted and if he wasn't so clueless, then she wouldn't have had to be as harsh in her answer and could have spared his feelings!

As it was, only blunt honestly could get through to Ron Weasley, and Hermione had certainly done that.

Harry seemed to have guessed what happened, as without a word he sat down next to Hermione and simply let her lean against him in their usual friendly way—like brother and sister, almost. Hermione could certainly use family near her now, as especially her mother had known for years on end how she had felt about Ron and how hard this was from a friendship point of view. In the absence of her parents though, Harry was the closest thing she had to family, so Hermione gratefully accepted his silent comfort.

After a few minutes, Harry finally said, "Did you tell him about Draco? I'm guessing that's what started this."

Hermione shook her head. "He doesn't know anything about Draco yet, not even that he's an ally, Harry. This discussion today was just between us, and how—" But here she cut herself off, not needing to say anything since Harry of all people understood how things had developed between them through the years.

"But that's what encouraged you to finally tell him, right?" Harry continued. "That Draco's coming by soon?"

Hermione gave a soft smile. "How did you know?"

"Mione, you were grinning like mad when you came back from guard duty last time," Harry chuckled. "Knowing what I do, it wasn't hard to guess."

Hermione blushed. "So you know, I'm guessing."

In response, Harry merely gave her a look, after which the two continued on with their morning, distracting themselves from Ron's all-too-familiar absence by researching more about some horcrux leads they had been considering.

Ron came in around lunchtime none the worse for wear, just as Harry was starting up on the topic of the Deathly Hallows once again. Without a word, he inserted himself into the conversation, taking Hermione's side and advising against looking into "such codswallop" when they had more important things to consider. He was able to maintain eye contact with Hermione and didn't act any differently than he normally would, save that the warm regard he had given her before was no longer there.

For the moment, though shaky at best, it appeared that their friendship could be preserved—as long as they still had the same goals of searching for horcruxes, at least.

As for whether this temporary truce and mutual understanding could be preserved though...well, that would depend on time—and a few tediously trying events to come.

A/N: I'd like to start off this author's note by addressing two things that have to do with the last chapter, actually, and the reviews posted with regards to that. First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for being very supportive and understanding. Having been a reader before a writer, I understand how frustrating it can be if you're really into a story, only to have it seem like the author is leaving you wanting and waiting. A lot of people would feel safe posting rude and/or demanding comments (and I've seen this done more times than I can count, as I'm sure you all have) targeting the author in such cases, but I'm very glad that such is not the case here. So, for that, sincere thanks to everyone for their respect and empathy. 3

Next, I'd like to address some of the comments themselves, namely with regards to how a lot of people feel strongly about Hermione holding off on telling Ron the truth. Several readers have even said that while maybe she shouldn't be telling him about Draco, at least not giving him any hope would have been a good choice. In all honestly, I agree with you and, again, truth is a policy that I myself follow; but, on the other hand, I really had to make considerations as to when is "the right time" to have such an intense discussion, and so I stick behind my option to hold off on that. Now, in this chapter I hope to have made amends, though it was extremely difficult to try and get through the discussion because I both wanted Ron to get the message and yet for him and Hermione to be able to remain friends afterwards. And that's...not even my personal preference, to be honest, since, like many Dramione fans, I'm fine getting Ron out of the way as soon as possible. BUT, that wouldn't be fair to the original story, to the trio, or to Rowling. I mean, if she didn't kill Ron off halfway through the series like she planned to, I'm not going to corrupt his friendship with Hermione more than I have to. So...yeah, that's all the understanding and reasons I can provide for that choice.

All that being said though, to address the contents of this chapter, again, I know it's not telling Ron the complete truth, but I have very specific expectations of myself for how I want to handle that reveal, so I'm keeping it under wraps for now. I only hope it's worth it and has an impact when we finally do get around to it though.

As a final note on updates, I'd again like to thank fans for being supportive. But, at the same time, I also have to confess that I'm having REALLY big writer's block right now with how to continue. It's like you know what finish line you want to reach but have no idea how to get there because the track isn't clearly marked. Until now, I've been following DH events and I'll still be doing that, but coming up with what to write in the "blank period" of January and February is troubling. I'm not sure if another hiatus will help because I really don't want to keep readers waiting. .

Therefore, I will try pressing ahead with things, but the chapters might either be shorter or bi-weekly instead of weekly from now on. I'm really not sure what will help and I've got things upcoming for school in September that I really need to focus on as well. Let's just say I'll do my best, and please be patient. Many thanks, and don't worry: this story WILL get finished and have lots of exciting things up ahead! (Real life difficulties just slow down that process is all.)

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