this body yet survives
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with The Untamed, and make no money writing fanfiction.
Chapter Six
The sworn brotherhood ceremony was held after Wei Ying's music lesson late the next morning, attended by the whole of Cloud Recesses, as well as Madam Jin and Jin Zixuan. Xichen had done a phenomenal job preparing for it and the luncheon banquet that followed, making it look like a long-planned event rather than an idea broached just the day before.
Jiang Yanli had accompanied him this morning to wake Wei Ying, early for her, and had taken care of his hair herself, combing the night's tangles out with the orange cinnamon hair oil Wangji had purchased for him in Caiyi, styling it as he had demonstrated, and tying his forehead ribbon on for him. They ate breakfast together, and she had walked with them to Wei Ying's music lesson before excusing herself to prepare for the ceremony.
Wei Ying looked resplendent, dressed in the best of the white robes Wangji had given him, the white jade gentian guan and plum blossom hairstick shining in the late morning light, his hair and red ribbon moving in the breeze. Still, Wangji could see his discomfort in the slight shaking of his fingers, the way his smile seemed a bit forced, tight at the edges of his mouth, the way he tried not to look at the gathered crowd, as though he wasn't ready to be the center of attention as he was.
His attention should have been on the ceremony, but instead he had eyes only for Wei Ying. He wished he could shield him from the crowd. But when his zhiji's eyes sought his, he focused on sending him as much silent encouragement as he could. The effort won a grateful smile, and Wei Ying's shoulders relaxed. Having something else to focus on seemed to help, too.
Fortunately, it didn't impact the ceremony. Xichen stood to one side, murmuring soft instructions to ensure it went smoothly; xiongzhang had perhaps anticipated Wei Ying's difficulties, and Wangji was grateful for his brother's forethought.
Afterward, he was able to sit beside Wei Ying for the banquet, making sure he ate enough. His attention was largely on his siblings, not his food, so Wangji kept his bowl filled with foods he liked and occasionally reminded him to eat. He was grateful that Jiang Yanli, on Wei Ying's other side, did the same.
"What will you call A-Li now?" Jin Zixuan asked Wei Ying eventually.
Though typically meals in the Cloud Recesses were eaten silently, guests were not forced to adhere, and Wangji would say nothing that might dissuade Wei Ying from speaking, not after so much silence.
Wei Ying froze a bit at the unexpected question. Jiang Yanli patted his hand.
"He'll call me jiejie or a-jie, I expect," she said, answering for him.
"Jiejie," Wei Ying murmured, almost listening to how it sounded.
Jiang Yanli's face lit up, clearly pleased to finally be his sworn sister, his jiejie, instead of his martial sister.
"Didi," she said back. "Or maybe da-di, since A-Cheng is er-di."
"I can't believe I have to call him ge," Jiang Wanyin muttered, but without any feeling.
Wei Ying took it as the teasing it was and smiled.
"I'm just gonna call you A-Cheng, so you can call me A-Xian like jiejie does."
Jiang Wanyin tried to cover a smile under a scowl, but it was ineffective, and Wei Ying's smile widened to become nearly as bright as it had been when he had come to Gusu the first time.
A crash, loud in the largely silent banquet, erased the smile, Wei Ying's flinch almost violent at the sudden noise. That it was only a bowl dropped by a clumsy disciple didn't matter—it left him cringing, almost huddling as close to under the low table as one could get, gripping Suibian so tightly his knuckles were a mottled white. The reaction was unexpected.
Wangji hovered uncertainly, afraid to touch him lest he make it worse. Jiang Yanli murmured in a soft soothing voice to him before pulling him close to her. She helped him calm his breathing by urging him to breathe with her, and averted a panic attack.
Even then, Wei Ying's eyes darted toward the hall doors, looking instinctively for the danger his instincts insisted was there.
He had thought someone had smashed through the doors, Wangji realized. He had a horrible suspicion who Wei Ying had expected, and glanced at Jiang Wanyin, who looked frustrated and helpless. Jin Zixuan had one hand on his sword and was watching with concern.
"Sorry," Wei Ying croaked.
"Hush, A-Xian," Jiang Yanli murmured. "We don't apologize for things that aren't our fault."
He nodded shakily.
Jiang Yanli looked at Wangji and seemed to understand what he was thinking, nodding shortly with pressed lips.
Wei Ying, even now, or perhaps especially now after swearing brotherhood with the Jiang siblings, expected Madam Yu to come to finish what she had started in Yunmeng. The fear was unwarranted, particularly surrounded by much of Gusu Lan, who would fight to protect him, even assuming she could get past the wards to enter Cloud Recesses to begin with. But fear was irrational, and after what he had experienced, it was easy to understand his panic.
The banquet was the first time they had joined the entire clan for a meal since the incident, and while previously Wei Ying would have complained of the silence during meals, even the unexpected clatter of dishes was too much for him.
"Wei Ying, would you like to leave?" he asked after a moment.
When his zhiji turned to him, he could see the effort it took him to keep his breathing calm in the clench of his jaw, in the light sweat that had broken out on his upper lip, in the wide gray eyes that struggled to focus on him.
But eventually they focused, as they had during the ceremony, and though Wei Ying's nod was minute, it was clear getting away from the banquet hall was what he wanted.
A quick glance to Xichen and shufu told him they had noticed Wei Ying's reaction to the noise. Xiongzhang nodded, and Wangji held out a hand for Wei Ying. His hand was clammy, his grip tight. They were, Wangji realized, altogether too far from the door for comfort, the door at the back of the room and the banquet celebrating the sworn siblings necessitating their presence at the front. That arrangement had been a mistake.
But they barely needed to speak of it to adjust to what was needed. Wei Ying tucked close to Wangji, and Jiang Cheng moved to his other side, as though to shield him. Jiang Yanli murmured something to Jin Zixuan, and he hurried to walk in front of them, Jiang Yanli behind Wei Ying, as though they were flanking him. He could feel a little tension ease from Wei Ying as he realized, as they moved and he was protected.
Outside, the others were able to give him space, and though he clung to Wangji's arm, his grip on his hand loosened.
He knew from experience that Wei Ying often felt overheated and suffocated during these spells, but the cool mountain air of early evening seemed to help, his breathing easing as they walked. By the time they reached the quarters where his siblings were staying, he was either shivering lightly or trembling from emotion or exhaustion or both.
Jiang Yanli led them inside, had them sit around a small table, and brought a blanket to wrap around Wei Ying's shoulders when he opted to share a side of the table with Wangji rather than separate.
"Xianxian didn't eat enough," she said softly. "But jiejie made soup just in case, and we have all the lovely foods from the betrothal gift to snack on, too. Would you like some?"
At Wei Ying's nod, she moved to the kitchen area and returned with a tureen and bowls.
"I tried a new soup," she told them. "Parsnips, mushrooms, water chestnuts, and pork ribs."
Wei Ying took a sharp breath, tears in his eyes.
"Shi—" he started, then stopped. "Jiejie, you didn't have to change your recipe for me."
She set the tureen and bowls down and knelt beside him, cupping his cheek with her hand.
"A-Xian, jiejie will always take care of you. Whatever will help you. I can make new recipes for you."
Jin Zixuan looked lost, unsurprisingly. Jiang Yanli could explain later.
"I'll get your qiankun pouches when we take you back to your rooms," Jiang Wanyin said gruffly. "I told you I'd go through them and get rid of the lotuses."
Jin Zixuan closed his eyes, pained understanding flickering across his face; he, too, had been there when they were fighting to save Wei Ying beside the lotus-choked water, after all. Wangji had never spoken to him of that day, and likely never would, but he could see the tightening of the Jin heir's jaw and remembered his anger in Caiyi the day before.
"I will make tea," he said, standing and moving to the kitchen area.
At his sister's attention, Wei Ying's tremors worsened. Wangji knew it was from emotion rather than cold, but Jiang Yanli fussed with the blanket to draw it more securely around him as though it was just the cold, then turned to ladle some soup into a bowl for him.
By the time Jin Zixuan returned with a freshly brewed pot of tea, the soup was served. He poured tea for Jiang Yanli first, then Wei Ying, serving himself last.
She only had eyes for Wei Ying, watching him take the first bite of soup, waiting for his reaction. She looked concerned when a tear slipped down his cheek.
"A-Xian?"
"It's good," he whispered. "It's really good. Better than good."
Wangji could hear what was left unspoken, implied, that the lotus roots in the original recipe had likely made eating it difficult, despite it having previously been his favorite food. He had likely expected never to enjoy it again.
The flavor was slightly different, but the mild starch of the parsnips, the earthy taste of the mushrooms, and the crunch of the water chestnuts melded well with the salt of the pork ribs. There was a larger array of textures. She had used an array of mushrooms—wood ear, oyster, golden needle, and fragrant mushrooms—and each lent a different texture.
"He's right," Jiang Wanyin said. "It's delicious. I think I like it better."
"This is amazing, A-Li," Jin Zixuan murmured in agreement.
Wangji contributed a nod, keeping to the no speech while eating rule.
Jiang Yanli smiled.
"See, Xianxian? You're helping me make better recipes."
He ducked his head, almost shy, and she reached forward to dab at his mouth with a napkin.
When they finished the soup, she brought out plates of osmanthus cakes and dried fruit for snacking, and peeled oranges. She kept pressing food into Wei Ying's hand, and he'd obediently eat it. Orange slices, dried melon, dates, cakes. The lotus seeds that had been in one of the baskets were blessedly nowhere to be seen.
A discussion conference was upcoming in Qinghe, and Jin Zixuan asked Jiang Wanyin if he intended to attend. The mention of a discussion conference made Wei Ying tense, enough that they all noticed it and the Jin heir quickly shifted topics to Nie Huaisang's latest visit to Koi Tower with his brother, during which he had supposedly captured a rare bird and then accidentally released it while Jin Guangshan was pontificating about something.
The bird had apparently defecated on Jin-zongzhu's head before escaping out a window.
Wangji was well aware that this had occurred at the previous discussion conference in Lanling, at which time Wei Ying had been fading into himself, mentally separated from the world by his trauma. He had heard the story from xiongzhang, having stayed in Cloud Recesses with Wei Ying.
But it was a tale that seemed new to Wei Ying, who found it hilarious and laughed for nearly a minute when Jin Zixuan, seeing his amusement, took it upon himself to describe his father's expression, then attempted a demonstration of it.
The ploy to distract was successful, something Wangji had thought Jin Zixuan too socially awkward to pull off, but he had been trying harder and it showed.
"I bet that was on purpose," Wei Ying commented when he caught his breath. "It's something Nie-xiong would do."
"He winked at me, so it's likely," Jin Zixuan said dryly. "Right before he started crying hysterically over losing his bird."
"He probably trained it to shit on Sect Leader Jin. I bet he trained it to return to his rooms, even," Wei Ying said with a giggle.
That segued into a discussion about silly pranks Nie Huaisang had pulled over the years, some of which were news to Wangji. The conversation didn't shift to the pranks of others, by design—it would be far too easy to talk about Wei Ying's pranks, and the one that had occurred at the discussion conference in Yunmeng…
No, Nie Huaisang was a safe topic.
Eventually, Jiang Yanli excused herself to cook dinner, returning with several dishes that made use of the pork from the betrothal baskets, including more soup.
By the time night fell Wei Ying was wilting, relaxed, his stomach full, his exhaustion catching up with him. Though there was still an hour before curfew, escorting him back to his quarters now would give him time to bathe if he wanted.
Since Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli were courting and couldn't be left alone together, the five of them walked together to Wei Ying's quarters.
Wei Ying opened the door and stepped in, then froze, Suibian dropping from his hand and clattering to the floor. Wangji had only a moment to notice a floral scent before Wei Ying pushed past him and outside quickly, stumbling to his knees at the edge of the porch and retching into the foliage. Before he realized he'd moved, Wangji found himself beside him, and was able to prevent him from tumbling off the porch after the contents of his stomach.
"Wei Ying, what happened?"
"Lotuses," he croaked, swaying dangerously. "On my desk."
Wangji felt frozen, angry. He pulled Wei Ying close, heedless of the fact that there was sick on his robes. All that mattered was comforting him. He was shaking almost violently.
"A-Xuan, go find Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren. A-Cheng, stay here until they come."
Jiang Yanli's voice was clipped, angry. He heard Jin Zixuan hurry off. A moment later, she was on Wei Ying's other side, fussing over him.
"Can you walk, A-Xian? Let's get you to the healers."
Wei Ying shook his head—Wangji knew he was shaking too much to walk, at the very least.
"I wasted your soup, jiejie," he said apologetically.
"I'll make you more later," she promised, picking up his sword. "Lan-er-gongzi, can you carry him?"
Wangji nodded, and carefully lifted Wei Ying into his arms, carefully avoiding beaning him with Bichen's hilt and hoping not to induce vertigo and further illness. He was still far too light. Wei Ying closed his eyes, holding onto the front of his robes with a weak grip, leaning his head against Wangji's chest. He set a quick pace toward the infirmary.
He wondered if he should have been the one to stay and help shufu and xiongzhang investigate, but he was glad Jiang Yanli had allowed him to focus on Wei Ying.
"It said 'Congratulations,'" Wei Ying murmured, his voice weak. "On the vase."
It sounded as though he was excusing it as an honest mistake, an attempt to welcome him. But his trembling and the shakiness of his voice betrayed his fear.
"She— she wouldn't know already, jiejie? Right?"
He was starting to panic, his breath coming in short pants, Wangji recognized, and he walked faster, lengthening his stride despite the fact that it left Jiang Yanli jogging to keep up.
"We didn't send a note to a-die," she said. "She couldn't, A-Xian."
"She said not to call you jiejie," he slurred.
Jiang Yanli's breath caught at that, and when Wangji glanced at her there were tears on her face. He guessed this was just one more thing Wei Ying had hidden from them.
"Wei Ying, breathe with me," Wangji instructed him.
He kept his own breathing deep and even, and was gratified when Wei Ying tried to match it, tried to keep focus on Wangji. He met his gaze with his own, gold to silver, hoping it helped as it had during the ceremony. By the time they reached the infirmary, Wei Ying's breathing was nearly normal.
His other symptoms were unalleviated—he could feel Wei Ying's pulse rabbiting. Sweat freckled his face, and he was still shaking.
The healer on duty was one of those familiar with Wei Ying, having helped with his initial recovery, and she immediately removed his soiled outer robe, which gave Wangji the opportunity to remove his soiled outermost robe as well, and grabbed a small bottle. She placed a drop on her finger and dabbed it under Wei Ying's nose, and the scent of oranges filled the air.
Oranges, Wangji remembered, could relieve stress and fearful thinking, and even alleviate panic attacks. And it would hopefully help overpower the smell of the lotuses, and perhaps keep Wei Ying from sinking further into the panic attack. The scent of lotuses could easily cause a flashback.
Worse was the risk of qi deviation as a result of his frenzied emotions, something the healers had mentioned he could be more susceptible to after his brush with it at Lotus Pier but hadn't seemed real until now.
She quickly checked Wei Ying's meridians, and her visible relief was a balm for Wangji's worries. The healer led them to one of the smaller rooms in the infirmary, gestured toward the bed, and bustled off in a rush.
Wei Ying's fist tightened in his robes when he lowered him to the bed, and the involuntary sound that ripped from his lips was so close to a whimper it tore at Wangji's heart.
"I am here, Wei Ying. I will not leave you."
He only let go of his robes when Wangji eased his hand into Wei Ying's, letting him instead cling to that.
Jiang Yanli stepped to the other side of the bed, crouching close. She was still crying.
"I'm here, too, A-Xian. You're safe. You're in Cloud Recesses. You're safe."
Wei Ying turned his head toward her voice, and she stroked his cheek gently.
"Didi, you're safe. No one will hurt you here."
Tears tracked down Wei Ying's face.
"Don't go?" he asked, looking between them.
His voice was shaky and weak, his eyelids drooping, and Wangji knew he would sleep soon against his will, his body wrung out from the stress of the ceremony, the near panic attack at the banquet, the full panic attack with the lotuses, and how they triggered his trauma. Added to the fear, rational or not, that Yu Ziyuan would punish him for swearing brotherhood with Jiang Yanli and Jiang Wanyin, and it was a testament to Wei Ying's strength that he hadn't lapsed into a fading episode.
"We will stay," Wangji assured him.
"Rest, A-Xian," Jiang Yanli told him, placing Suibian beside him on the bed where he could reach it. "We're here to protect you."
He nodded, struggling to keep his eyes open anyway.
She took a seat on the bed beside him and carefully removed the guan to let his hair loose, untying both the red ribbon and the Gusu Lan ribbon. She gently tied the latter around Wei Ying's wrist.
"There," she said. "To remind you that you're safe here. You're a Lan disciple, and you're protected."
Wei Ying managed a weak smile—tremulous, but there.
"Thank you, jiejie," he whispered.
That he had called her 'jiejie' despite fearing reprisal was a good sign, Wangji hoped.
Jiang Yanli smiled back, wiping the tears from his face with her sleeve and carding her fingers through his hair in a comforting motion.
She placed the guan, hairstick, and ribbon on the table near the bed. By the time she turned back, Wei Ying's eyes were closed, and he had faded into sleep. She covered him with the blanket at the foot of the bed.
The healer returned shortly thereafter, carrying a tray with a basin and several vials. She sighed in relief.
"I didn't want to give him a sedative unless it was absolutely necessary," she said.
"He thinks he's in danger," Jiang Yanli told her, her voice sad. "That could have made it worse."
The healer frowned.
"Lotuses were left in his room," she clarified. "He… I found him beside a lotus pond."
"Is he in danger?"
They had no answer for the healer, Wangji realized.
"Xiongzhang and shufu will investigate," he said after a moment.
That seemed to satisfy the healer, and she set the tray on the table that held Wei Ying's guan. The basin was filled with hot water, a heating talisman affixed, and the steam that rose from it smelled faintly of bergamot.
"He's had a scare. I want him to stay overnight, just in case. I will arrange for bedding. I presume Jiang-gongzi will be coming?"
"He will," Jiang Yanli confirmed. "May I use the water to wash my brother's face? He was ill."
The sheen of sweat on Wei Ying's face still glinted in the candlelight, and Wangji realized the corners of his mouth had remnants of his lost dinner.
"Of course, Jiang-guniang."
The healer bowed, then left the room. He thought he heard a murmur of 'that poor child' from the hallway, but he said nothing. The healer, at least, cared for Wei Ying's well-being. He could not be certain that whoever left the vase of lotuses did not do so out of malice, and all of Gusu Lan was suspect until xiongzhang and shufu could confirm otherwise.
If he had to protect Wei Ying from his own people, Wangji would do so without hesitation.
Jiang Yanli's hands were gentle when she wiped Wei Ying's face, and he was so deeply asleep he didn't stir. When she finished, she moved to the foot of the bed, lifting the blanket to remove his shoes before tucking it back around him.
Before long, Jiang Wanyin joined them, taking a seat by the foot of the bed between Wei Ying and the door, as though they were again flanking him to keep him protected, to keep him safe.
"They're asking the servants," the Jiang heir said after watching his brother for a bit. "Jin Zixuan is airing out his rooms. I lit incense before leaving, so that should help, too."
"A-Xian can stay in our quarters tomorrow if he needs to," Jiang Yanli said.
It was unfair, Wangji thought angrily, for Wei Ying to face this setback after finally getting his feet under him, after starting to recover in earnest.
They lapsed into silence, and Wangji focused on Wei Ying's even breaths, using them to ground himself, to slip into a light meditation that nonetheless left him aware of his surroundings in case he needed to provide a defense.
He heard xiongzhang's soft voice, talking to the healer, before he entered the room. Xichen offered a wan smile when Wangji opened his eyes. The Jiang siblings started to get to their feet but stopped when he held up a hand to stop them.
"We spoke to the servants. They received a note this morning informing them of the ceremony, and that lotuses might be appropriate as a celebratory gift. Shufu is looking further into this, but it may have been an innocent gesture."
Jiang Wanyin looked irritated, but Jiang Yanli sighed.
"A-Xian thought as much, but then he… he also panicked that a-niang might have learned, that they might be a warning."
"He's too forgiving," her brother muttered. "I'm not going back until a-die makes me. Not until I'm sure A-Xian's safe."
Xiongzhang nodded, looking tired.
"Understandable, Jiang-gongzi. You are welcome here. I also received a missive from Qishan that Wen-zongzhu will be visiting to discuss some trade details tomorrow, and he's bringing Wen Qing. She can examine Wei-gongzi to make sure he's suffered no ill effects."
The Jiang siblings exchanged a look, twin troubled expressions on their faces.
"Because of the risk of qi deviation?" Jiang Yanli asked after a pregnant pause.
"Yes, though it's unclear whether he is still at risk. She can check to make sure," Xichen said. "The servants have been informed that no lotuses are to be in public locations, and especially not in Wei-gongzi's quarters."
"Or in our quarters," Jiang Wanyin added. "He visits a lot, with a-jie cooking for him."
"It is quieter there than in the dining hall," Wangji added softly.
Xichen offered a smile that seemed sadder than the usual one that graced his face, looking at Wei Ying's sleeping form with a soft sigh. He and shufu had warned that his journey to recovery would be long, and though Wangji had thought he understood at the time, he'd not expected this. He was fairly certain xiongzhang hadn't expected it, either.
Perhaps not even Wei Ying had realized how badly he would be impacted by the sight and smell of lotuses, having avoided them for so long.
And likely so many emotional things had occurred in the past several days, and the stress had compounded the issue, making what had previously been endurable into a major trigger for his trauma.
"Of course," Xichen said. "You will be brought bedding so you may spend the night here more comfortably. If anything else is needed, Wangji knows where to find me."
"Please thank Lan-xiansheng for us, as well," Jiang Yanli said respectfully.
The Jiang siblings rose, insisting this time on bowing to Xichen despite his obvious discomfort.
Not too long afterward, several servants arrived with bedding, and the three of them discussed sleeping arrangements. One of them, they decided, should be awake at all times, in case Wei Ying woke and needed comfort in the night, and Wangji volunteered for the first watch.
Truly, even though his body was accustomed to sleeping at hai shi, Wangji knew tonight sleep would be elusive.
Wood ear mushrooms are amazing. My sister in law is from China and so I've had the opportunity to try a variety of dishes, and I love the ones she uses black fungus in. Yum! Also, fragrant mushrooms are shiitake mushrooms, and golden needle mushrooms are enoki. Since those are Japanese, I decided to use the translations of the Chinese names.
Anyway, no, this isn't a real recipe as far as I know, but lotus root can be substituted by water chestnuts or parsnips (or daikon, though we know how Wei Wuxian feels about that), and since parsnips may have a milder flavor the mushrooms would potentially fix that, and maybe add back the nutritional value of lotus roots? I have sadly not had either recipe, though they both sound tasty af.
Research for this chapter included whether parsnips were in ancient China, mushrooms native to China, when and where lemons were first hybridized (which I then decided to change to orange and bergamot), and various symptoms of panic attacks (because although I sometimes get them everyone's symptoms vary).
Didn't expect the chapter to be this long, but I'm sure no one minds.