this body yet survives
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with The Untamed, and make no money writing fanfiction.
Chapter Nine
Though Jin Zixuan left with his mother after breakfast, headed back to Lanling, Wen Qing was free much of the day and had accompanied Jiang Wanyin to gather necessities from the trashed guest quarters, and from Wei Ying's quarters as well.
Where he had previously bottled his feelings and ignored his needs, Wei Ying was getting better about that, and when he had confessed after breakfast that he didn't want to stay in his own quarters yet, that the lotuses had spooked him and he didn't want to be alone, Wangji immediately offered up the jingshi to him and his siblings, whose quarters would likely take a few days to put back in order.
Jiang Yanli accompanied them to the jingshi, acting as chaperone, and Wangji set up paper and ground ink for Wei Ying so he could write the letter to Wen Ning.
While he wrote, Wangji brewed tea for the three of them, a spiced tea he knew Wei Ying enjoyed, setting a cup beside his zhiji to sip, then engaging in conversation with Jiang Yanli about a book of poetry she noticed on his shelf.
Wei Ying's letter took quite a while to write, but not so long that Jiang Wanyin and Wen Qing had returned from their errand, so Wangji brewed a second pot of tea and they relocated to the spacious porch, near the pond. To Wei Ying's delight, Tang was sunning in the morning sun on a rock at the edge of the water, and he told Jiang Yanli more about their trip to Caiyi and the rescue of the turtle.
He had brewed enough for the others, and once they deposited several qiankun pouches inside the jingshi, they joined them on the porch.
Wen Qing discussed her brother's condition and the goings-on in Nightless City, and mentioned that Wen-zongzhu was investigating reports of a demonic cultivator creating fierce corpses.
"He may mention it in the meeting," she told Wangji. "We're not certain if the demonic cultivator is roaming, so he wishes to warn the sects."
"Where have the attacks been centered?" Jiang Wanyin asked, frowning.
"The border area of Qishan and Qinghe, and also near Yunmeng."
Wei Ying dropped his cup, cringing as it shattered on the porch, and Wen Qing shot him an apologetic look. Wangji caught his hands when he tried to clean up the porcelain, concerned he might cut himself, as his hands were shaking. Wei Ying made no effort to extract his hands from Wangji's.
"I'm fine," he murmured, shying away from the attention in a way he hadn't done before the incident. "A-Cheng might need to… to write a letter to Jiang-zongzhu."
Jiang Wanyin flinched, likely reminded that Wei Ying no longer referred to his father as familiarly as he once had, but perhaps also reminded of his duties. Or maybe it was the fact that just Wen Qing's mention of Yunmeng had upset Wei Ying.
"Later tonight," he said, his voice gruff with restrained emotion.
Wangji knew he had been seeking help for dealing with his temper and was less apt to yell when upset. Instead, Jiang Wanyin busied himself transferring the broken pieces of cup onto a handkerchief, setting it aside for later disposal.
"I would guess Wen-zongzhu has already spoken to a-die or will do so on his way back to Qishan," Jiang Yanli murmured, wiping the small bit of tea that had been in the cup from the wood with her own handkerchief. "Especially since it impacts our sect."
Wen Qing confirmed that would be their next stop, that they had already visited Qinghe and Lanling.
"If you would like me to deliver a letter, Jiang-gongzi, I can. We're staying in the Cloud Recesses overnight, so I can check in with you after breakfast."
Jiang Wanyin bowed and thanked her, promising to have a letter ready for her in the morning. The tightness of his jaw indicated the letter might not be taken well by Jiang-zongzhu, but he would likely be upset anyway at the news that his children and former ward had sworn brotherhood without him present as witness.
Wangji didn't know how he would take the announcement that he and Wei Ying were to be wed and the fact that he had not been informed beforehand personally, but he had been ineffective in protecting the young man he considered his ward from his wife—the entire time he'd lived at Lotus Pier, it sounded like. He didn't care what Jiang-zongzhu felt, and he suspected Jiang Wanyin didn't either.
When lunch arrived, compliments of Xichen, who had assumed (correctly) that Jiang Yanli hadn't had the opportunity to cook herself in the aftermath of last night, even delivering it himself with several disciples, Wen Qing excused herself to take lunch with her uncle.
Xichen stayed, excusing the disciples, and they took lunch in the jingshi. He had to force himself to be patient, waiting until they had eaten for news, to keep to the rule of no talking while eating. Though Wangji hoped his presence meant they had found a culprit, xiongzhang was contrite in admitting they had not.
"I have offered to let the Jiangs and Wei Ying stay in the jingshi," he told his brother.
His brother, thankfully, seemed to immediately understand why their group included Wei Ying.
"I will prepare to spend the next few nights, then, and have cots brought in for our comfort. The servants discovered lotus-scented oil was used on some of the linens and bedding in the Jiang's guest house," he said, his jaw tightening when Wei Ying flinched. "It will take several days. We can also furnish a different guest house and move Wei-gongzi's possessions if he would prefer to stay with them until this matter is resolved."
He continued, mentioning that he would have the chickens moved near the jingshi until they decided, and remorsefully letting them know that because they didn't know if the sabotage had included the food in the kitchen, they would need to test it with talismans.
"I am sorry to inform you that the preservation talismans were removed from the seafood and pork from the betrothal gift," Xichen finished.
The pork, now ruined, had been specifically for Jiang Yanli to thank her for her caregiving. The seafood was to represent a long and happy marriage. It felt like a personal attack on their courtship, on all of Wei Ying's relationships, in addition to an attack on Wei Ying. That someone would ruin the betrothal gifts…
Wei Ying, when he looked at him, was curled in on himself slightly, shoulders hunched, and Jiang Yanli was patting his back soothingly.
Wangji was beyond anger. Wei Ying deserved better treatment, and yet he had failed to shield him from this.
"We will, of course, replace all of it," Xichen continued. "This sabotage won't be allowed to stand."
The Jiangs seemed to confer silently for a moment.
"New quarters would be much appreciated, Zewu-Jun," Jiang Yanli said graciously. "With enough room for our brother when he wishes for company."
For when he cannot stand to be alone, went unsaid. If not for the scandal it would cause and the potential that it could leave the way open for disrespect, Wangji would complete their bows today so he could stay in the jingshi permanently, so he would never be alone, so he would always have someone there to protect him.
But he knew Wei Ying didn't seek to be protected, maybe even now rejected his worthiness of it. Wei Ying, he knew, wished to stand on his own, and the attacks and the damage done to him threatened his ability to do so.
"I will have them prepared tomorrow," xiongzhang said. "The only servants who will have access are those who have been cleared of culpability."
"We can use A-Xian's locking talismans."
Jiang Wanyin was speaking of a talisman his brother had developed shortly after he'd recovered enough to write, one that allowed the user to key it to unlock only for certain people—they were not easy to break, and those who tried suffered very visible consequences, though the severity varied based on cultivation levels. He'd even created a variation that could be keyed to non-cultivators. While an interesting invention, no one had thought they would be needed in the Cloud Recesses, or Wei Ying likely would have used them on his own quarters.
That they were needed now rankled Wangji. He had thought the Cloud Recesses would be safe for his zhiji.
"Will use for the jingshi, too," he said, keeping his voice level.
"A-Xian should start using them for his quarters, too," Jiang Yanli added, still rubbing his back comfortingly.
Wei Ying's expression was closed, and Wangji wondered if his thoughts were running along the same lines.
"I'm sorry they're necessary," xiongzhang murmured, his features twisted in guilt, as though he was having such thoughts as well. "This is your home, and it should have been safe for you."
Xichen takes a startled breath when Wei Ying flinches again, and they all realize his mistake.
Lotus Pier had also been Wei Ying's home.
And before he'd been found by Jiang-zongzhu, he had spent years fighting dogs for food to survive. Before that, his home had been his parents, of whom he had few memories. Wangji wondered if he could even remember a home that felt safe.
Conversation was a bit stilted after that, Wei Ying not participating and the rest of them too concerned about him to focus on it. Before long, xiongzhang had to excuse himself to attend to Wen-zongzhu.
At Jiang Wanyin's request, Wangji set up a place for him to write the letter to his father. By the time he was done, Jiang Yanli had coaxed Wei Ying to relax with his head in her lap and was gently removing his crown. It seemed clear she was encouraging him to take a nap, so he retrieved the blanket from his bed to drape over him before settling in front of his guqin to play.
They could all use extra rest after the events of the previous night, but Wei Ying most of all.
He cycled through a variety of calming and healing songs, knowing they could all benefit from them, himself included. He kept his focus more on the music, but was gratified to find that the growing pile of crumpled parchment beside Jiang Wanyin slowed as the songs eased his mind.
Wei Ying's eyes were almost completely shut when he shifted from those songs into 'WangXian,' and he smiled and murmured sleepily when he recognized the notes. That eased Wangji's heart, knowing he could reach his zhiji through music, that he had pulled him from the darkness with it before and would gladly do so again.
"Is that the song you wrote for him?" Jiang Yanli asked when he stilled the strings.
He nodded, watching Wei Ying finally at rest.
"'WangXian,'" he told her.
"Your love flows through the music," she said with a smile. "No wonder it reached A-Xian."
"I worried it would not," he murmured after a moment. "Shufu mentioned… sometimes the mind healers cannot help."
A clatter came from the desk, the ink stick slipping from Jiang Wanyin's fingers as he was grinding it. Wei Ying, thankfully, didn't stir.
"Nothing else had worked," he finished softly.
"You did it, though," Jiang Wanyin said, his voice tight with restrained emotion. "We couldn't. A-Jie and I tried everything, too. But we already failed him so much…"
"Not failed," Wangji asserted. "You were also victims."
"We didn't have it as bad as A-Xian," Jiang Yanli demurred.
"Not physically, but emotionally," he clarified. "You raised your brothers in place of your parents. Jiang Wanyin was made to feel insignificant. Different scars, but still victims."
Wangji immediately regretted the mention of scars as the Jiangs flinched.
During the immediate aftermath, when Wei Ying's wounds were healing, the healers had admitted he would scar badly, the wounds having been inflicted by a spiritual weapon. As soon as Wei Ying had been able to tolerate clothing against his healing back, he had kept them covered unless being examined. But each line of broken flesh had been like a wound to his own heart, and he remembered each of them from watching over him in his convalescence. He knew the Jiang siblings did, too.
Silence fell among them, broken only by the rustle of papers as Jiang Wanyin packaged his finished letter to his father. It was not an easy silence, and Wangji had to resist the urge to fidget, the urge to pick at the strings of his guqin, music so much simpler than the scars they all bore.
Wei Ying shifted in his sleep, stirring as though he felt the heaviness of the air, and Wangji gave in to the urge, playing 'Clarity,' imbuing his spiritual energy into the notes.
To his relief, Wei Ying didn't wake, instead settling back into sleep. The heaviness of the mood in the jingshi eased, and he wondered if it was his place to suggest Jiang Yanli avail herself of the mind healers, or if he should mention it instead to shufu.
Shufu, he decided, watching her smile down at Wei Ying, clearly unaware that her cheeks were damp. Or xiongzhang. Wangji knew his own flaws included difficulty communicating, and she had been harmed enough already by poor communication.
He knew cooking was a pastime she enjoyed, that the act of nourishing others (and her brothers in particular) eased her mind, and perhaps helping her gain access to a kitchen as the afternoon progressed would help her now. Though she would have fewer ingredients, particularly spices, at her disposal in the sect kitchens, she could no doubt cook something more catered to her brothers' tastes, taking comfort in the task.
Later, he thought, they could assist Wei Ying in setting up the locking talisman for the jingshi, and they could spend time amongst the rabbits in the meadow.
Today was a day to gather strength.
Happy Disability Pride Month. Wei Ying's trauma, both physical and psychological in this series, have left him disabled, and this chapter represents an attempt by the characters to take a breath, and especially to give room for him to. He only has so much he can handle after the last few days in this fic, and likely writing the letter to Wen Ning took most of his energy for the day.
On a personal level, I live with fibromyalgia, which often leaves me struggling to function, and since it's not a "visible" disability (and doctors often question its existence, because of course), it can be hard to get treatment. I knew what it was, but I spent several years just coping before I found the courage to bring it up to my doctor, who thankfully believed me, referred me to be officially diagnosed, and has taken my pain management seriously. To be fair, my mental health diagnoses are also non-visible disabilities.
There are some days when even getting out of bed can be a major to-do, when spoons are in short supply. I sometimes joke that the only spoons I have left are for ice cream, which is not as funny when I've been incapable of doing dishes and have also literally run out of spoons.