Evangelion: You Do (Not) Belong

by Alex The Animator

God. If you can hear me, please answer this prayer. I know I've complained constantly about my time at home. But I never wanted to end up here! I want this all to be a bad dream. I want to see my brother again! So please, send me home! I don't belong here. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen. (Rated T upon suggestion. Will change it back to M if needed)

20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: We're All Outcasts. You and I Are Not So Different

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno, Gainax, and Tatsunoko Productions. I only own the characters I made up.

There's nothing across the horizon, just an endless white void. Everything here is just. . .empty. The lack of any other color besides white starts hurting my eyes, causing me to close them. Everything's so quiet. The only sound that reaches my ears is my own breathing and heartbeat.

I'm here again. The white room. Though, in hindsight, "room" might not be the best word to describe this place.

Why am I here? It's never good whenever I appear here.

. . .

Perhaps I'm dead.

Sitting on the cold white floor, eyes still closed, I attempt to come up with a reason as to why I'm here. Eventually, contemplation stops as I decide to wait. For what, well. . . I'm not sure.

Some time passes. . .or perhaps, no time has passed. It's difficult to quantify exactly how long I've been sitting here. It's like I've been here for ages, yet at the same time, I feel like only a second has passed. It's like time has no meaning here.

Breathing here is uncomfortable. It's like trying to breathe in warm water. Another odd thing is every few breaths, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief would wash over me, before suddenly disappearing. Worry starts to make its way into me before that too washes away.

I can't move from this spot. I need to wait.

"Why continue fighting for them?"

That. . .voice.

Opening my eyes and looking ahead, I see someone standing a few feet away from me. He's a boy, around my age, wearing a buttoned up white shirt, and black dress pants. My school's uniform. He's a brunette, nearly pale in complexion, and is fairly skinny in my opinion. Seriously, it looks as if a breeze could knock him over. But it was his eyes that caught my attention. Deep in those blue eyes was a cold fury which could stop anyone in their tracks. Yet, at the same time, those eyes were sad. They were the eyes of someone who lost everything for seemingly no reason. The eyes of a scared, angry, and lost child.

Those eyes. . .look familiar.

"I don't get it," growls out the boy, eyes facing the ground. "This world keeps pushing you down, keeps holding you hostage, yet you still fight for it! Why?"

"I . . . I don't," realization dawns on me. "Are. . .are you who I think-"

"Is this world worth it," the boy asks sharply. "Is it worth the pain?"

I pause, taking a moment to think about what he asked. I then lower my head. "I don't know."

Looking back at the boy, I see he isn't happy about what I just said. The cold fury almost turns into a fiery inferno as his face twists into a scowl. He tightens his fists until they are shaking, and his breathing quickens.

Despite his obvious rage, he keeps a measured tone as he speaks again.

"Do you even want to go home?"

I stared at him for a long while, then let out a tired exhale. "I. . .I don't know."

"You don't know! ? !" He yells at me. I remain calm. "After the hell this world put you through, you still don't know! ? !"

He quickly walks over to where I am, grabs the collar of my shirt, and practically lifts me off the ground.

"Staying here only means more pain!" Tears roll down his face, his voice shaking as he continues screaming. "People like them only keep people like us around until we're no longer useful! We're nothing but tools to them! Are people like that really worth the pain?! IS THIS WORTH IT! ? !"

Suddenly every one of my senses become overwhelmed! I'm violently shaking, as if I'm having a seizure! Images of blood, tears, and flesh fill my vision as screams echo inside my head. My skin feels like it's on fire, and it took me a moment to realize that the screams are coming from me.

And, just as suddenly, the pain stops.

I find myself back in the entry plug, the LCL which usually fills the capsule is nearly non-existent. What little that remained of the crimson liquid are now sticky strands, stringed across the metallic walls surrounding me. My vision also seemed to be stained, for everything has a tinge of red to it.

I can't move.

Loud banging can be heard outside my entry plug. The banging sounded desperate, and I can hear the person yelling something to what sounds like a group of people. Did something go wrong? Why are they desperate to get in here?

The entrance to my entry plug is practically torn open, as someone desperately looks inside the capsule.

Misato.

Her jaw hangs open as she looks at me. She's giving me a look I've never quite seen on her. It's. . .kinda frightening. Her expression has an air of absolute horror and despair. I can see her eyes start to tear up as she chokes back what may be a sob.

I tried moving, but all I got was a twitch. Apparently that twitch was enough to catch Misato's attention, letting her know I was alive. That action, instead of calming the woman, makes her more distressed.

I hear someone else outside, seemingly fighting their way through a crowd. Misato, turns to the entry plug's entrance, and desperately tries to prevent the person from looking inside. But the woman's efforts are in vain as a girl my age enters the entry plug.

Asuka.

The girl's eyes widen as she displays the same expression Misato had moments ago. Unlike Misato, who had managed to keep back most of her tears, Asuka's tears freely roll down her face as she covers her mouth.

"My god," I hear the redhead say, voice quivering. "He's. . .he's still alive."

For the first time, I'm able to hear my own breathing. It's just a bunch wheezing, as if air is escaping from a hole in my body. Attempting to move again, I manage to raise my left arm into view. That's when I realized something was horribly wrong.

Nearly all the skin on my arm was either torn, melted, or just gone. Blood slowly pours out of the wound; it's a miracle the limb even works. I can't feel the pain, but I could feel everything that was wrong with my body. Quickly scanning my body, I manage to catch bits and pieces of the carnage around me.

Nearly everything about me was torn apart.

I then screamed.

I then woke up.

---

Beep! . . .Beep! . . . Beep!

Sound. Familiar.

Heart monitor? Yes, it's a heart monitor. I'm lying on something, an uncomfortable bed. Must be in a hospital. . . again.

Beep! . . . Beep! . . . Beep!

Everything's stiff. It's as if my body turned to stone. It also feels like my entire body's wrapped up in bandages. And. . . shit! There's something up my nose. It's extremely uncomfortable!

Beep! . . . Beep! . . . Beep!

I attempt to open my eyes. As usual when waking up in a hospital bed, my eyes are having a hard time listening. After two more attempts, I get one of them open. The other feels. . .blocked.

I can't see anything.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

My eye is open, but all I see is black! Maybe it's night time? No, there's always some light in a hospital! I should be able to see something! Why can't I see anything?!

I start moving in my bed erratically, pulling on the wires I'm apparently attached to, desperately trying to reach my face!

I can't see! I can't see! I can't see! ! !

The heart monitor's beeps become more frequent as I attempt to figure out what the fuck's going on! At least one of my eyes is open, so why can't I see?! Did I lose it?! Did it stop working?! Am I now blind?!

I want to calm down, but it's difficult to do when the first thing you see is darkness!

I continue fighting against the bandages and wires until someone grabs both my arms to stop me from flailing. That action does little to calm my nerves, so I struggle against the person's grip.

"Michael stop!" says a familiar harsh voice. The girl's voice then turns to a soft tone. "It's alright, you're safe."

I stop moving, and slow my breath for a moment. I continue staring into the darkness until light slowly enters my vision. The world becomes a blur of shapes and colors, yet slowly, I begin to recognize the person attempting to calm me. A person with red hair.

"A. . .Asuka," I question, throat feeling like it's on fire.

Her face is still blurry to me, but I'm able to make out a smile.

"Yes," replies the girl. "It's me."

The world around me slowly becomes clearer, allowing me to get a clearer picture of my surroundings. Slowly, I looked at my body. It's almost entirely covered in bandages, with wires sticking out of some of the wrapping, connected to an unknown machine. With great effort, I manage to touch my face, only to realize that it too is almost covered entirely by bandages. The only parts which were uncovered were my right eye, my nose, and my mouth. As I initially suspected, there's something jammed up my nose. I think it's meant to help me breathe.

Lingering on the parts of my face which were covered, I could only think of one thing.

What the hell happened?

Asuka lets out a long exhale, then releases both my arms. "Good, you're calm now. Just try to stay that way."

She goes back to sit in a chair placed on the right side of my bed. I stare at the girl for a while, realizing she's in her school uniform. Did she just come from school?

"What. . .happened?" I ask, throat still hurting.

She stares at me, then takes a moment to think.

"What do you remember," she asks.

I pause for a moment, as my hand hovers around my covered left eye. It's. . .possible that my left eye is. . .

Shaking my head slightly, I close my eye and attempt to recall my last battle.

"I remember. . .getting into my Eva. . .fighting the Angel, then-"

Multiple images violently crash against my skull, causing me to grunt in pain. Opening my uncovered eye, I see Asuka wearing a worried expression. Quickly, I wave off her concern, assuring her I'm fine.

" *Sigh* You were badly hurt," Asuka starts. "When you fought the Angel, something. . .weird happened. You're Eva changed. . .into what, I'm not sure. But, whatever your Eva changed into allowed you to defeat the Angel. But. . .at the same time, whatever caused that change nearly killed you."

Slowly, I bring my attention back to my bandaged body. Looking back at Asuka, I gestured slightly to the bandages. "How bad was it?"

Her body seemed to stiffen in response to my question. Slowly, her shoulders slump as she looks away from me slightly.

I look back at my bandages, then slowly exhale through my nose. "That bad. . .huh."

The girl slowly nods. "Ritsuko said that during the battle, you reached a sync ratio which shouldn't be possible. That might've been what caused your Eva to change. But, because of that change, your Eva apparently tried to absorb you into itself. Only. . .something went wrong."

Asuka rubs her arms, as if trying to warm them up. "It was like you took a bath in acid. Half of your body was just. . ."

Her eyes grow distant before returning back to reality.

"You're lucky Nerv has the best medical staff in the world," Asuka continues. "Otherwise. . .things could've been worse."

Both of us grow silent. I take in all of what Asuka had said, progressively getting more worried about what was underneath my bandages.

Then a thought struck me, causing all that worry to turn to dread.

"Rei," I suddenly say, catching Asuka's attention. "She's. . .what happened to her?"

The redhead scoffs, much to my surprise. "She's fine. You somehow were able to save her."

My eyes widen. "B-But, how?"

The girl shrugs. "Ritsuko says you somehow were able to extract her from the Angel's core."

That. . .doesn't sound right. I remember specifically crushing the core. It was in a million pieces, how could Rei possibly be extracted from that?

I hear the redhead let out another scoff. "Considering you saved her life, you'd think she'd be more grateful. She didn't even visit you once while you were here."

I stare at the girl in slight surprise, then reveal a small smile. "People deal with these things in their own way."

The redhead rolls her eyes in response. "Yeah, sure."

Asuka's expression changes, as if she suddenly realized something.

"Before I forget," the girl gets out of her chair while pulling something out of the book bag lying next to her chair. "I've been holding onto this until you woke up. It seemed. . .important to you."

She grabs my right hand and places the object into the appendage. Looking at what was in my hand, I realized it was my cross! I didn't even know I wasn't wearing it! I look at Asuka and reveal a genuine smile.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it," replies Asuka, revealing an equally genuine smile. That expression is so warm. . .I'm almost caught off guard by it. It's just. . .I've never seen her look at me like that before.

Asuka must've realized how she was looking at me, for she averts her gaze, but only slightly.

That's when the door opens, revealing a purple haired woman.

"Asuka, it's time for us to-" Misato cuts herself off when she notices me. Not quite sure what to do, I wave at the woman. In response, she drops whatever documents she was carrying and runs toward me. The next thing I know, the woman's arms are wrapped around me, which is the last thing I want at the moment.

Misato starts crying, sobbing out either something resembling an apology, or something else. Either way, her embrace is causing me a large amount of pain that I nearly passed out. Asuka quickly tore the woman away from me and scolded her, which was quite funny to watch. After everything calmed down, Misato went out of the room to get a doctor, leaving Asuka and I alone in the room. The girl took a moment to close her eyes, seemingly out of energy. I, in turn, decide to get some rest as well.

Wonder how the rest of today will go.

---

The next hour was interesting. It just consisted of me sitting in bed while doctors studied me with Asuka and Misato watching. The doctors did things like closely study my heart monitor, measure my body temperature, and had me reach for objects. That last part caused me to worry, cause I could hardly move my arms, and when I could move them it hurt. During my examination, I asked a ton of questions only to get little to no reply from the doctors. Even Asuka and Misato didn't answer most of my questions. I guess everyone's afraid that some of their answers might negatively affect me psychologically. Halfway through my examination, Asuka and Misato had to leave, so I asked the former one last question. How long have I been here?

Her response? Two months.

That. . .was surprising to say the least. As Asuka and Misato left, I couldn't help but come back to the amount of time I spent in the hospital. I mean, what exactly is the correct response to being told you've been asleep for two months? The more I thought about it, the more worried I became. It's never good when you go into a coma, so being in one for two months must mean. . . I should stop thinking about this.

After the doctors were done picking and prodding at me, they informed me that Ritsuko would come to check up on me. The doctors then left the room, leaving me to think about what's gonna come next.

Well, if Ritsuko's going to see me, I might be able to get more information concerning my current condition.

About thirty minutes passed before I heard the door to my room open. Coming through the now open door is Ritsuko carrying a clipboard, and her assistant Maya, who was wheeling in a computer monitor.

Ritsuko looks. . .awful. It's as if her face aged a few years. Her hair's all frizzy, and there are bags under her eyes. Her makeup looked hastily put on, and she reeked to high heaven of cigarettes. I mean, it's no secret that the doctor smokes, but she never had that familiar smell most frequent smokers have. Now, she smelled as if someone dumped an entire ashtray onto her.

What happened to her?

"It's good to see you again Michael," the woman says in a haggard tone. The woman whips out a pen and writes something down on that clipboard she's carrying. "I'm sure you must have a lot of questions, so we'll get those out of the way first."

Flipping through one of the pages on her clipboard, Ritsuko starts speaking. "During your battle with the 14th Angel, your Eva was badly damaged. Most of its armor was destroyed, and it suffered several third degree burns." She pauses to catch her thoughts. "Your entry plug had to be cut out of the Eva due to organic matter fusing with the capsule. When you were recovered from the entry plug, around 36% percent of your body was covered in severe chemical burns. Some of the areas on your body suffered from third degree burns, particularly around your face, torso, and arms. The burns were so severe that some of the skin was vaporized."

I went numb. Just. . .numb. Her description of how I looked being pulled out of the entry plug was just. . .uncomfortable.

I look at my bandaged body, imagining what was underneath.

Do I even look like me anymore?

"Umm. . .Dr. Akagi," questions Maya. "Is it wise to dump all of this information on him at once?"

The doctor waved off her assistant's concern. "We need to get his questions out of the way so we can answer our own."

The woman continues to describe my current condition and what was done to put me back together. Apparently, there was nothing wrong with my internal organs, so that was one less thing to worry about. From what I understood, once the doctors made sure I was stabilized, they made numerous attempts to grow skin on my body. The process was. . . difficult. Apparently me lacking an A.T. Field made it difficult to grow skin cells in a lab. So they did a procedure which mixed my cells with a kind of polymer, then grafted that onto my body. There was nothing they could do about all the blood I lost, so they just pumped me full of materials my body needed to hopefully synthesize more blood. To prevent my body from further degradation due to me not moving for months, they attached electrodes to my body to stimulate muscle growth, which explains the wires sticking out of my bandages.

The way she went into immaculate detail on what was done to keep me alive was unnerving. It's as if she was trying to make a point. Though, I'm not exactly sure what kind of point she's making.

"Now," Ritsuko for the first time looked away from her clipboard and looked at me. "Any questions?"

I stared at her for a moment, taking time to process everything she just said. She pretty much answered every question I have at the moment. So in response, I shook my head.

"Good. Then we can get started." The doctor looks at her assistant. "Maya, the video feed."

"Yes ma'am," replies the brunette. She then turned on the monitor, and what I saw on the screen shocked me.

Displayed on the monitor was my battle with the Angel, but Unit-01 looked different. Its jaw was unhinged, revealing rows of fleshing tearing teeth. Most of its armor was either damaged or completely missing, allowing me to see the Eva's burnt, dark blue skin. It was hunched over, its disfigured spine pushing against the skin on its back. The fingers were twisted and stretched until they resembled claws. Lastly, were the horns growing out of Unit-01's head. Between those black horns, floated a flickering red flame.

It looked like a demon, like an actual demon!

"What do you remember from this battle," Ritsuko asks, snapping me out of my apparent trance.

Looking at the doctor, then back to the screen, I try to come up with an answer.

"Not much," I admit. "Just bits and pieces."

"Just tell me what you do remember," the doctor responds. "Any information is better than none."

I go silent for a moment. "I. . .I just remember fighting alongside Asuka and Rei. I remember Rei being devoured by the Angel. . . and I remember killing the Angel."

I shrug. "The smaller details are fuzzy."

The doctor doesn't look particularly happy, but writes down what I said. "Let's try this at a different angle. What were your thoughts during the battle? Your emotional state."

I once again go silent, trying to recall the memory. "I. . .was angry."

"You'll need to be more specific," Ritsuko responds. "We need to know what triggered this transformation so we can prevent it in the future."

"I don't know what else to say," I respond, slightly irritated. "I just. . .wanted the Angel dead. I didn't want anyone to die. I was just. . ." I look at my lap. "Tired of being helpless."

The doctor lets out a long, frustrated exhale.

"Well," I start. "What do you know about this transformation so far?"

She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "We just know this transformation is somewhat similar to an Eva's berserker state. We. . .also know that this transformation has something to do with both your emotional state and physical state at the time. Your. . .vague description more or less adds credence to that theory."

Maya glances at Ritsuko. "Perhaps we should ask him about this another time. Maybe his memory will improve by tomorrow."

The doctor nods slowly, agreeing with her assistant. "That seems to be the best option for now." The woman writes something down on her clipboard then brings her attention back to me. "Before I forget, you need to know that you will need to undergo a minimum of two weeks of physical therapy. You will also undergo a series of mental tests in order to determine whether you suffered any brain damage. Understand?"

I nod, and the doctor continues to inform me on what I'll need to do from this day on. I would only speak if I had a question, so I was mostly quiet throughout her info dump. After informing me, the woman temporarily left the room, leaving me alone with Maya. I kept looking at my bandaged body, apprehensive of what was underneath. Maya must've noticed, because she kept assuring me that my appearance wasn't as bad as I imagined. Her words were kind, though it's possible she just said that to make me feel better.

But my appearance wasn't the only thing that was worrying me. My Eva just. . .changed. It changed into something that could easily kill an Angel, but that transformation nearly killed me in return. I know anger was the main factor in the transformation, but I'm not exactly sure it's the trigger. I mean, if all I needed was to get angry in order for my Eva to transform, it would have done so a while ago. So what made the last battle different? What if it happens again, and that time it kills me? How can I make sure that doesn't happen?

Images of the demonic Eva cause an odd chill to run up my spine. Two words come to mind when thinking of that form, and they seem fitting.

Devil Berserker.

---

Physical therapy has been a. . .unique experience for me so far. During these past couple days, the nurses had me do a series of exercises, basically having me "relearn" how to do certain movements. These exercises usually consisted of me catching beach balls or moving my arms and legs in repetitive motions.

It. . .hurt.

Every time I moved a limb too much, pain would dig its nasty fingers into me. The best way to describe this pain was that it was an aching sensation. It was as if every cell in my body was overworking itself and were screaming for me to stop whatever I was doing.

The nurses explained to me that the pain would happen. Even though my muscles were constantly being stimulated during my coma, preventing them from losing too much mass, I still haven't moved in two months. My body was so used to being still that movement would cause it pain. According to the nurses, the pain will fade the further I get into my physical therapy. I hope they're right about that.

Due to the constant pain and my limbs feeling weak, I was unable to do the simplest things. I had to be carried everywhere, or put in a wheelchair to be wheeled off to another location. I couldn't feed myself, so a nurse was always there to spoon feed me. I also couldn't eat anything solid at the moment, something about my body needing to relearn how to digest things. So everything I was fed was soup of some kind.

The most. . .humiliating part came when I had to use the restroom. I. . .I can't sit on the toilet properly. Every time I tried, it felt like my head would snap off my neck. Someone always had to be there, watching me, making sure I didn't fall and crack my head open while in the restroom.

I hated that.

I'm. . .not proud of how I reacted when a nurse tried to help me use the restroom the second time. I yelled at the woman, telling her to leave me alone. The nurse, for her part, was unfazed by my outburst, probably having dealt with people like me before. I immediately apologized for my outburst, after all, she didn't deserve that. It's just that. . .I can't do anything. I can't move on my own, I can't eat on my own, I can't even shit on my own! Hell, I can't even. . .clean myself after I'm done using the restroom. My body's just. . .useless. And the scary part is that I don't know if I'll ever get better. The nurses keep assuring me that I will, but it's kind of hard to keep a positive attitude when you're being moved around like a puppet on strings.

Ritsuko questioning me everyday like I'm a prisoner also doesn't help things in the slightest. It's annoying at best.

Today is the fourth day of my physical therapy. Right now, I'm sitting in my wheelchair, staring at a large mirror.

Today was the day the nurses removed all the bandages covering my body. Upon the bandages removal, I was taken to a large restroom where they cleaned my body. After that was done, I requested to be left alone, so I could get a good look at myself. The nurses seemed hesitant at first, but did as I wanted.

Staring at the mirror was an. . .experience.

A hospital gown covers most of my body, so I couldn't get a good look at my torso area. My once shoulder length hair was cut down, now barely reaching the base of my neck. But what held my attention the most was my face.

Like my arms and legs, most of the left side of my face was painted by either patches of dark or discolored skin. Scar tissue wrapped around parts of my lips, neck and side of my head. Small wrinkles sprinkle themselves across my face, making me look slightly older. As for the right part of my face, it seemed mostly untouched, having relatively fewer scars.

With great effort, I lifted one of my arms and gently touched my face. I nearly pulled back at the odd texture. The skin felt like. . .leather, like it wasn't fully organic. Upon closer inspection, I can see the parts of my face where skin was obviously torn off then patched back together, putting a pit in my stomach. Quickly taking my attention away from my face, I took a good look at my left eye, which up until now was covered. The pupil and iris were a cloudy grey, as if I had developed cataracts. A quick test of that eye proved that it still worked, though the vision there is slightly blurry.

Once again looking over myself, I conclude that I could've looked worse. Hell, if you looked at me from a distance, you couldn't tell anything was wrong. But. . .I don't look like me. At least, not completely.

I let out a sigh.

"Guess this is me now," I resign myself.

Calling the nurses back into the restroom, I have them wheel me out. I go over my schedule for today and mentally prepare for what's next. Today is the day I start walking.

It was around eleven when the nurse wheeled me to the gym to get me started on walking. The gym in question was a large room with a padded floor, filled with training equipment. What caught my eye was Misato and Asuka standing in the room. I really didn't want them to see me with my bandages off. It's just so. . .uncomfortable.

I'm usually not self conscious about my looks, but this isn't exactly any normal circumstances. But, as the nurse brought my wheelchair closer to Asuka and Misato, they looked at me like nothing had changed. Guess they're gonna pretend that the scars don't exist, which I guess is fine. Still. . .I don't want them looking at me.

About thirty minutes have passed. I'm out of my wheelchair, standing on a blue mat while grabbing onto the walking bars on either side of me to aid in me standing . To further make sure I don't fall on my face, the nurse puts a hand on my back and chest so she could catch me if I lost balance. Standing wasn't too difficult, all I had to do was distribute my weight on the walking bars. Though, standing did hurt like hell, but I did my best to hide my discomfort.

Inhaling deeply, I attempt to take my first step.

"Take your time," says the woman helping me stand. "Just try moving your foot forward before putting your weight on it."

I nod while attempting to move my right foot, but it won't budge. I focused harder but all I got was a twitch.

Why is this so hard? Just move!

Finally, my foot heeds my commands and drags itself across the ground slightly.

"Okay, try taking another step. Remember to use the bars," the woman advises.

Inhaling deeply again, I put some of my weight on my right foot in order to take another step. Pain immediately shot through my body, so I tightly gripped the bars on either side of my body to prevent myself from falling.

Gritting my teeth, I manage to take another step. I took two more tedious steps before the pain became too much to bear, turning my legs to jello. I started to fall, and my grip on the side bars became lax, fortunately, the nurse caught me before I face planted. I still have a slight grip on one of the bars, but there's no strength there. Gently, the nurse lowers me to the ground, letting me rest on my knees.

I try getting up on my own, but my legs won't listen. I try to hoist myself up using the walking bars, but there's no strength in my arms. I just sit on the ground, silently stewing in anger. I can feel my arms shaking, as if they're desperately trying to keep themselves alive.

Dammit!

"Do you want to try again?" asks the nurse. I silently nod, causing the woman to help me get back into standing position. I grip the bars with as much force as I could muster and attempt to take a step, only for my legs to give out again. Again, the therapist caught me before I could hit the ground. I try getting up, but my legs won't listen to me. I literally can't move, as much as I want to.

My jaw quivers as my face twists into a scowl. I breathe in deeply, an attempt to keep the tears a bay.

The nurse, seeing my demeanor, decides to say something.

"You don't need to be in such a hurry," says the woman. "These things take time."

I let out a grunt as I stared at my legs. We've been at this for thirty minutes, and I can't take more than a few steps before my legs give out. I know things won't magically get better but. . . but. . .

"I want to go back to bed," I manage to grunt out.

The woman nods as she gets me back into my wheelchair. Meanwhile, Misato and Asuka run up to me. Judging from the look on the latter's face, I can tell she wants to say something. Probably words of encouragement.

"Not now," I say to the woman, but I make sure there's no malice in my tone. It's not her fault that I'm like this. "I. . .I'm not feeling well."

The woman pauses, then reveals a sympathetic smile. "Alright, we'll talk later."

The Major turns to Asuka. "I need to take care of something today. Be sure to take care of him, okay?"

Asuka crosses her arms to show irritation, but smiles nonetheless. "Whatever you say."

With that said, Misato left the gym, leaving me alone with Asuka and the nurse. The redhead walks up to the nurse, preparing to speak to the woman.

"May I?" asks the redhead, gesturing toward my wheelchair handles.

The nurse stares at the redhead for a minute then nods. "Sure. Just make sure he gets to his room."

The nurse then leaves Asuka and I alone. Without saying a word, the redhead grabs my wheelchair's handles, and wheels me out of the gym. We spend a few minutes in the halls, seemingly wandering aimlessly. We only come to a stop when Asuka spots a vending machine. We both remain silent as Asuka looks at the options the vending machine provides.

"You'll get better," the redhead says out of the blue while still staring at the vending machine. "Like the nurse said, it'll take some time for you to heal. So don't rush things."

I glance at the redhead, then look at my hands. "Not really in the talking mood."

Finally deciding on what to buy, she gets two drinks from the vending machine.

"Well too bad, because I am," teases the redhead while taking a swig from one of the drinks she purchased. She then turns to look at me. I become uncomfortable at her gaze, so I avert my eyes.

She must have noticed that, because I notice her expression softens. "You must feel like crap, right?"

I glance at the girl, then shrug.

Asuka walks closer to me, and kneels so she could reach my eye level. "Remember. . .you can talk to me."

I stare at the redhead, then remember that conversation we had a few days before we fought the 14th Angel. "Yeah. . .I know."

She continues to stare at me, as if waiting for something. "Well? Talk."

Slightly averting her gaze, I let out a sigh. "What. . .what if I don't get better?"

"You will."

"You don't know that," I respond, still trying to avoid her gaze. "For all you know, I could be stuck in this wheelchair for the rest of my life."

I glance at my scarred hands, frowning deeply at the sight. "That's not even mentioning. . ."

"You're stuck in a situation you didn't want to be in. So what," Asuka responds harshly. "Are you just gonna give up? Just lie in your bed all day hoping for things to get better?"

I pause.

"No," I finally respond.

"Why not," asks the girl.

I once again pause, trying to come up with an answer. "Because. . .I have to at least try to walk again."

The redhead smiles. "Smart answer, because I wasn't gonna let you quit." She points to my chest. "Remember, you promised me a while ago that you'd never give up. I intend to make sure you keep that promise."

I give the girl an odd look, then snort out a laugh. "Well, it's not like I could stop you."

She nods as she opens another drink, this time being a pouch with a straw built in. She holds the drink in front of my face. I give Asuka a confused look.

"You can't use your arms," responds the redhead.

I blink a few times, then smirk. "Rather caring lately, are you?"

She glares at me. "Shut up."

I laugh but eventually take a sip of the drink she was offering. Eventually, she took me back to my room, where the doctors there helped me get back into bed. Asuka stayed with me when the doctors left, just talking to me. When I asked her if she had school today, she said that she skipped it, not deeming the place important. I made a joke about her crushing on me, and it took everything in her power to stop herself from strangling me. Eventually, I got serious and asked her why she was still here. She rolled her eyes then gave me this answer.

"Idiot. It's like you said. . .pilots need to look out for each other."

---

Each day was busy for me. I either spent time in the gym, getting my body back in shape, or spent hours in a room with Ritsuko as she questioned me. The latter was irritating, but not all that difficult. The blonde doctor would always ask the same questions in regard to what happened in my last battle, and I always provided the same answers. I think she's getting pretty annoyed, but she can't exactly blame me. I can't remember the small details of my battle, and honestly, it's for the better.

As for my physical therapy, it's been going surprisingly well. Everyday, I'm getting stronger. Everyday, I gain more movement in my limbs, and everyday my body starts hurting less. Slowly, but surely, I'm taking back my independence. It was. . .difficult at first, me going to physical therapy everyday. Even though things hurt less, it still doesn't change the fact that the pain still exists. Anytime I push myself too hard, or move too suddenly, a jagged flash of pain digs into my skin. The pain became too hard to handle at times, that I honestly didn't want to leave my bed. I swear, the only reason I even get out of bed is because Asuka keeps bothering me until I do. That's not to say Misato doesn't help when she visits, but she gives me a more gentle nudge compared to Asuka.

That redhead is something else. She wasn't kidding when she said she wasn't gonna let me quit. Hell, I don't think there was a single day I didn't see Asuka bullying me out of bed.

Though, I guess I should thank her for the "motivation". A week and a half has passed, and I can walk on my own two feet.

Now, I can only walk slowly, and I can't walk very far, but it's progress! At least I don't have to be stuck in a wheelchair twenty-four seven. Heh, I can still remember the look on Misato's face when she saw me walking on my own. She was just so. . .happy! As for Asuka, she didn't even seem surprised.

Now that I could walk, I instantly took advantage of my new found freedom. This, hilariously, annoyed the nurses as well as Asuka and Misato. All of them kept telling me I wasn't well enough to be moving around this much, but I kept ignoring them. I was now free to move unaided, and I wasn't gonna give that up that easily. The only consequence for walking unaided was the pain in my legs, and the disapproving looks of multiple people.

At least now I could use the bathroom by myself.

One day, while sneaking out of my room, I decide to wander the halls of this hospital. I decided this time to use my wheelchair to wander the halls, since I still can't walk too far. Wandering around the bland halls revealed how little this place had changed. So much time has passed, yet the Nerve hospital wing remains the same. It still seems to be always empty, barring a few doctors here and there. Speaking of doctors, I make sure to stay out of their sight. If they see me, they'll escort me back into my room.

All this sneaking around is honestly kinda fun.

After a few more minutes of wandering, I prepare to return to my room before hearing a familiar yell. Curious, I follow the sound and am greeted with Asuka arguing with Rei. Well, the former is arguing while the latter is passively observing the situation.

This doesn't look good, but I don't want to get involved quite yet. So I wheel slightly closer to the commotion and watch what's going on.

"He risked his life for you!" the redhead screams. "Yet you act like you couldn't care less!"

Rei gives Asuka a blank stare, which serves to only piss off the redhead even further.

"You didn't even come here to see if he was okay! So why are you here now?!"

There was a pause.

"I was not ordered to visit him until now," Rei replies.

The redhead growls out a curse as she slaps Rei. Asuka raises her hand again, prepared to slap Rei again. I quickly get out of my wheelchair and grab the redhead's wrists to stop her from attacking. The girl, in response, yanked her hand away, causing me to lose balance and fall onto the floor.

That. . .hurt.

"Shit," I grunt.

Asuka looked in my direction and realized it was me she accidentally knocked to the ground. Her frustration quickly turns to slight panic as she kneels next to me.

"My god!" Asuka says in a hurried tone. "Are you okay?"

I rub my side as I attempt to nurse the pain.

"I. . .I think you broke something," I grunt out.

The panic on her face has just been turned up to eleven.

"Crap!" She curses again. "What's broken?!"

I look at the girl, then reveal a face splitting grin.

"My heart," I say dramatically while placing my hand over my chest.

Judging from the look on Asuka's face, she isn't amused.

"That wasn't funny," the redhead deadpans.

I chuckle as the redhead helps me get back on my feet. I lean on the wall slightly to help me to keep balance. Asuka's giving me the stink eye, and I smile in response. Looking over the redhead's shoulder, I spot Rei, looking at both of us with a blank expression.

"Hey," I direct my attention back to Asuka. "Could you let me and Rei talk for a bit?"

The redhead glances at Rei and glares at her. "Why would you want that?"

"Just need to catch up with her," I respond. "Don't worry, it'll only take a few minutes."

Asuka goes silent for a few seconds, then scoffs. "Fine. I'll be at the end of the hall."

Asuka walks off, leaving me and Rei alone. Spotting a bench, I take a seat on it to rest my legs. I offer for Rei to take a seat, and Rei accepts my offer. I take a good look at the girl, trying to discern if it was the Rei I knew, or a clone. She has this blank expression, similar to the one I saw when I first met her.

. . .

No, this one's different. Back then, Rei's blank expression was that of someone suppressing emotion. This expression I'm seeing now, it's like that of a confused newborn.

I sigh. "Well, let's get this over with."

I started asking Rei a series of questions to determine where her memory started and where it ended. She. . .more or less correctly answered my questions, but her answers were curt. Like she was reading off what she was supposed to say rather than reacting naturally. There was also no emotion in her voice. Just. . .nothing.

After a few more minutes of talking, I finally came to a conclusion. This isn't the Rei I knew.

I let out a long exhale while resting my head in my hands.

"She really is dead," I whisper to myself.

"I think I am the third one," responds the blue haired girl, apparently hearing me.

I look at the girl again, and can't stop staring at her. It's. . .unnerving. I saw Rei die. I felt the warmth leave her body. So seeing someone that looks like her, sitting next me me, speaking in her voice is. . .I don't even know how to describe this feeling.

It's like. . . seeing a ghost.

There's recognition in "Rei's" crimson red eyes, but only the kind of recognition one gets when meeting someone they saw in a photo. I'm a complete stranger to this girl.

Staring into my lap, I can't help but notice how calm I am at the moment. I mean, Rei is dead! She's actually dead! Yet. . .it's just like another day to me. Why is that?

Maybe it's because I'm still in denial, and the "Rei" sitting next to me is sort of aiding in that denial. After all, my mind's telling me Rei's gone, but my eyes greatly disagree.

Or. . .maybe I've become numb to all this death.

"I'm. . .sorry you had to be brought here," I start, revealing a small smile. Glancing at "Rei", I see I fully have the girl's attention.

"You. . .never asked for this," I continue. "To be born, just to serve as another's replacement. That. . .honestly makes me sick, so I can't imagine how you must feel about all of this." I shake my head. "I. . .know you're not the Rei I knew. You're your own person, and I'll treat you as such. I won't force or expect you to be something you're not. Nor. . .will I look down on you just because of your origin."

My small smile becomes bigger as I outstretch my right hand toward Rei. "So, let me properly introduce myself. I am Michael Hart, the pilot of Unit-01. It's nice to meet you."

This Rei stares at me for a long time, as if she's in shock. Eventually, she takes my hand and shakes it.

"I am Rei Ayanami. The current pilot of Unit-00."

I nod.

"Alright. I. . .better get going," I say while getting to my feet. "See ya."

As soon as I start walking, I see Asuka roller my wheelchair toward me. Apparently she was waiting for me. I decide to sit on the wheelchair as Asuka starts wheeling me to my room.

"You really should stop walking alone," Asuka says.

I snort out a laugh. "You know that's not gonna happen anytime soon."

She grunts in annoyance. "Guess I'll have to keep a closer eye on you."

We continue our back and forth for a few more minutes until we reach my room. When I got back in bed, we continued talking to one another. Since today was a weekend, Asuka does not need to go to school, so she spent the entire day just making sure I was okay. I know I should be used to this by now, but it's just so odd how caring she is now. I mean, she's still her usual overconfident, loud self, but she is just more manageable now.

I . . .kinda like this version of her. Not that I'd say that out loud.

---

"Well. . .it appears you've greatly improved in such a short amount of time," says Ritsuko while staring at a few papers.

Shifting my weight on the chair I'm sitting on, I ask a question.

"So. . .does this mean I get to leave?"

The doctor sighs as she glances at me. "Yes. I'll have Misato pick you up as soon as possible."

I internally celebrate my small victory. No longer am I stuck in this bland hospital setting. I finally get to leave this place!

It's been three weeks since I woke up and started physical therapy. Three grueling weeks of pushing myself through pain for the sake of recovery. Three weeks of Ritsuko constantly having me revisit my battle with the Angel in order to figure out what triggered my Eva's transformation. But it was all worth it. I finally get to leave this place.

Ritsuko places the papers she's holding onto the desk as she gives me her full attention.

"Though you may be healthy enough to go outside, that does not mean you've fully recovered," the woman points out. "As such, once a week you will return here and undergo physical therapy, though it won't be as rigorous as it was the past few weeks."

I nod and the woman continues.

"You no longer need a wheelchair to get around, though it's important to note that it's not recommended you walk more than a mile a day." She goes behind her desk and pulls out a special kind of walking cane. It's white in color with a blue hilt to grab onto. "You'll need this to help you get around."

Staring at the object, I reach out and grab it, carefully inspecting it.

"Thanks," I say.

She nods, then pauses for a moment. The woman then crosses her arms.

"I'm not exactly supposed to tell you this," starts the woman. "But I guess you should at least know about it."

She leans back in her chair and looks at the ceiling. It honestly feels like she just wants the day to end.

"Do you know why I keep asking you about your battle with the Angel," asks Ritsuko.

I shrug. "You kept saying you wanted to know the trigger so you can prevent the transformation in the future."

"Yes, but why?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Because the last time the Eva transformed it nearly killed me?"

She lets out a small chuckle. "Well, that's part of the reason."

Ritsuko tears her eyes away from the ceiling and leans forward, giving me a serious look. "This form. This. . .what was the name you gave it?"

"Devil Berserker," I state.

"Yes," nods the woman. "This 'Devil Berserker' transformation gave Unit-01 abilities which are. . .a cause for concern. Not only did this form allow your Eva to absorb the Angel's energy based attacks, but it was able to also briefly absorb the Angel's A.T. Field."

Ritsuko's expression hardens. "Every living thing has an A.T. Field, and your Eva had just shown it could simply absorb that field into itself. I hope you know how potentially dangerous that ability is."

I take a moment to think, then grow cold. "You're afraid my Eva could kill everyone in the city if it goes Devil Berserker."

"Or worse," says the doctor. "Which is why Unit-01 will be unavailable for the next few battles until everyone is sure it is safe to pilot. Understand?"

I nod slowly.

"Good," says the woman. She then waves me off. "You can go to your room to wait for Misato. We're done for today."

I nod once again and get out of my seat, remembering to grab the cane. Just as I'm about to leave the office, I stop at the door.

"Ritsuko," I say without looking at the woman. But I can tell I have the woman's attention. "I. . .never really apologized to you for always giving you the cold shoulder. I always complained that you treated me like a lab rat, but now I see you're just doing your job. Hell, it's because you're so good at your job, that you were able to find a way for me to return home. Heh, don't think I ever thanked you properly for that."

I glance behind me. "So. . .I'm sorry for being a dick. And thank you for taking care of me."

Looking at the woman, I see her looking slightly shocked, briefly breaking that professional mask she's been wearing the past few weeks. After getting over the initial shock, her mask slowly goes back onto her face.

"Have a good day," says the woman while smiling. Though, this smile did not seem like part of her metaphorical mask.

Finally, I leave the office and return to my room.

An hour later, Misato with Asuka tagging along, comes to pick me up from the hospital. It was nighttime when the three of us got to drive home. The city looks different than it did the last time I was here. Almost every time there was an Angel attack, the place would be rebuilt, almost like the attack never happened. But this time it was different. While the city was rebuilt, you could clearly see the scars of the past battle. Actually, the city looks slightly worse.

I wonder why that is. Most of the battle took place in the Geofront if I remember correctly.

As soon as we arrived home, Misato thought it would be a good idea to throw a party to celebrate me getting out of the hospital. This "party" consisted of her ordering food for Asuka and I to eat while drinking a ton of beer. So you know, the usual. I couldn't really eat that much, my stomach still can't handle some foods as of now. Still, it was nice to spend time with people that seem to care about me.

After the party was over, Misato and Asuka started putting the dishes away. I wanted to help, but they keep insisting that I relax. Heh, it's like they think I'm made of glass or something. Anyway, it was during this time that I decided to announce something.

"I want to go to school tomorrow."

Both the redhead and the Major stop what they're doing and give me an odd look.

"Really," questions Misato. "I thought you might've wanted to take a break before returning to school."

I shake my head. "Sorry to disappoint, but I won't be taking a break anytime soon."

The Major sighs. "Okay, if that's how you feel. Would you mind telling me why you want to return so soon?"

I look at my hands for a second. "It's. . .just something I need to do."

The woman nods then returns to putting the dishes away. Seeing how it's late out, and how tired I am, I decide to go to bed early.

Upon entering my room, I can't help but think about what Ritsuko said about Unit-01. Apparently it's new transformation allows it to absorb A.T. Fields, but how? I don't remember Shinji being able to get Unit-01 to do that, so how come I'm different? I'm just a. . .kid. I'm nobody special. So how come I was able to get Unit-01 to transform into something no one's ever seen before?

I lay on my mattress and attempt to get some sleep. There's no point in asking anymore questions. I doubt I'd find an answer on my own.

Slowly, but surely, I drift off to sleep. Those precious moments of rest were interrupted when I heard my door slide open. Turning toward the entrance, I spot Asuka with her mattress in her hands. Without saying a word, she pops the object right next to my own mattress and lies on it.

"Seriously?" I ask in faux irritation.

"Shut up," she replies calmly, getting fully settled into her mattress. She then turns her body to my room's door, back facing me. "Just making sure you don't hurt yourself."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, night."

Closing my eyes, I attempt to go back to sleep. Few seconds later Asuka speaks, though in a whisper.

"Michael?"

"Yeah," I respond.

"It. . . was boring without you here." She says nothing more after that.

I think over her words for a moment, then reveal a small smile. Wish she'd give up the tough girl act already.

In almost a blink of an eye, morning reared its ugly head. Asuka and I got up and left my room to get breakfast. Misato, seeing Asuka leaving my room, took the time to tease both of us. Asuka didn't appreciate the woman's insinuation, though the girl's reaction was quite amusing. Still couldn't eat a lot of things, so I had to settle with eggs and rice for breakfast.

Misato drove both Asuka and I to school since I can't quite walk that far yet. When we reached the school's campus, Asuka and I exited Misato's vehicle and bid her farewell. I'm wearing my usual getup, the school's uniform with a hoodie over it. The only difference is that I pulled the hood over my head to cover up as much of my face as possible. I don't want anyone to see my scars, hell I don't want Asuka or Misato to see them. Just hope no one bothers me. Though I know that ain't gonna happen.

Asuka, being extra attentive today, carries some of my school supplies as we walk into the school's building. I'm still too weak to carry a lot of stuff, and Asuka kept insisting that I shouldn't strain myself, so I had little choice in the matter. I barely use my cane to get around, only using it if I feel I'm about to lose balance. No doubt that will draw attention.

Today's gonna suck, but I need to be here. There's someone I need to meet.

When entering the school, the first thing I noticed was how significantly less people there were. In the past, there were always a bunch of kids in the hallways when class wasn't in session. Now, there were only a few kids in the halls. The lack of students became more noticeable when Asuka and I entered the first period classroom. The population of the class was practically cut in half.

The students immediately noticed my presence, as such, they began to mob Asuka and I. They bombarded me with questions, showing genuine concern. Apparently, Asuka told them that I was hurt badly, so they were worried that I might've died. I usually dislike this kind of attention, but I found their antics. . .amusing. It's like nothing changed.

Then they asked about the scars.

Immediately, my mood soured. They were so close, so of course they could see my face clearly. I could feel their eyes, glued to every scar, to every imperfection. The staring made me uneasy. In response, I pull my hood even further over my head, an attempt to at least hide from the staring.

Asuka, noticing how uncomfortable I was getting, managed to scare everyone off. I'm thankful for that, but I can't forget the look in everyone's eyes. It wasn't a cruel look or anything, but. . .I know they would never see me as normal. Not like they ever did in the first place, but this time it's different. The worst thing is out of all those students, I didn't see the person I was looking for.

The rest of the day went by slowly. I missed so much work that I had to pay extra attention to the teacher's boring lesson. Every once in a while, I'd spot someone looking at me, causing me to shift my body away from their eyes. Never had I wanted a day to end as quickly as now.

During one of the breaks, everyone started talking to one another, as usual. I stay where I am, not wanting to engage with anyone. Glancing around the room, I spot Hikari leaving the area. That's odd. She usually sticks in the classroom even during breaks. It's to make sure no one causes trouble in the teacher's absence. So, her leaving the class unattended is unlike her.

Tapping my cane a few times, I take a moment to think. Coming to a decision, I rise out of my chair, and exit the classroom. If Asuka had any objections to me going off on my own, she didn't make them known.

I spent about three minutes wandering the halls, eventually spotting Hikari, standing near a large window. Coming to a stop, I attempt to come up with the best way to approach the girl. We barely talked to one another, so as a result, we barely knew each other. I just know her as the class rep and Asuka's friend. That's it.

Still, I have to talk to her. It's dumb, but she might be able to answer a question of mine.

I let out a cough, getting the brunette's attention.

Upon hearing me, Hikari turns in my direction.

"Michael?" The girl questions. "It's. . .good to see you."

"Yeah," I respond. "It's good to see you too."

I start leaning on my cane to relieve some of the stress in my legs.

"Here's a stupid question," I start. "Do you. . .happen to know if Kensuke's gonna be here today?"

"Kensuke," questions the brunette.

"Yeah, I know it's weird of me to ask you this." Scratching the back of my head, I let out a sigh. "You aren't really close to the guy, so there really shouldn't be a reason why you'd have an answer to my question. Guess I thought with you being the class rep, you might have some idea if Kensuke was okay or-"

"Oh, so you're worried," Hikari points out. I nod, confirming her statement. A small smile paints her face. "I'm sure Kensuke is fine. Nothing happened to him while you were gone, if that is what you're worried about."

Hearing those words filled me with relief.

"Good," I say mostly to myself. "That's good." I shake my head then let out a short laugh. "Guess I'll see him tomorrow."

The smile on Hikari's face slowly vanished, replaced with a slight frown.

"About that," she starts. "Kensuke won't be coming to school anymore."

My eyes widen slightly. "What? Why?"

The girl sighs. Instead of immediately responding, she sits on the ground. Hikari pats the ground next to her, gesturing to me to sit next to her. Seeing no reason not to comply, I take a seat next to Hikari.

"You need to understand something," Hikari speaks in a somber tone. "This city is always under attack. Buildings, schools, and homes are constantly being destroyed. Somehow, the city always gets rebuilt, but it's coming to a point where that doesn't matter anymore. People. . .eventually got sick of being put in danger. Got sick of constantly needing to rebuild their homes." She purses her lips. "The last two attacks were the last straw."

I raise an eyebrow. "Two?"

Hikari gives me a confused look for a moment, before realization dawns on her. "Oh, I forgot. You wouldn't know about the last attack. Asuka told me that you were in some sort of coma." The girl shakes her head. "Well, all you need to know is that the last two attacks destroyed more than could be rebuilt. So. . .people left the city."

I start putting two and two together. "Kensuke. . .he moved?"

Hikari slowly nods. "A lot of parents started pulling their kids from school, believing the city to no longer be safe. No one could blame them for thinking that."

Kensuke's. . .gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him.

Putting a hand on my face, I let out a long exhale.

Things just keep getting worse.

"You had good friends," Hikari says out of the blue. "Toji and Kensuke."

I gave her an odd look, then gave a half-hearted chuckle. "I know. They were the best. But. . .I was under the impression that you disliked those two."

A small smile returns to her face. "I never disliked those two. I just disliked how they always caused trouble." She shakes her head while silently laughing. "But, despite their mischief, they both seemed like good people. Kensuke always treated you like a brother. And Toji. . ."

Her expression becomes somber, yet her lips still form a smile. "He was a deeply caring person, even though most people couldn't see that."

We both go silent for a few seconds, before Hikari speaks up again. "I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I. . .I liked Toji."

I nearly jumped in surprise. "Wait! Really?!"

Her cheeks turn red slightly as she laughs. "Yes, really. For me. . .it was hard not to like him. As much of a dummy he could be. . .he was also someone who had a kind heart. I could see it in how he treated his sister." She looks at me. "And I could see it in how he treated you."

I . . .I don't know what to say.

"I tried to tell him how I felt multiple times," the girl continues. "But I didn't know how to tell him. I guess I was scared of how he'd react." Her smile widens. "I convinced myself that all I had to do was wait for the perfect moment. That if the perfect opportunity arrived, then I would be able to tell him how I feel."

Her smile then turns to a somber one. "But. . .I guess I waited too long."

I stare at the girl for a moment, then stare at the ground, a scowl painting my face.

"Hikari. . .about Toji," I start. "He-"

I stop myself. Is telling her what happened to him really what she needs to hear right now?

"He. . ." I repeat. "I think he liked you too."

She lets out a thoughtful hum in response. A few more seconds of silence later, she gets to her feet.

"Michael. Take care of yourself," the brunette tells me. "And. . .don't waste a single moment. Make sure you tell the people you care about how much you love them."

With her done saying what she needs to say, she walks off. I continue sitting on the floor, just thinking.

Another friend who's gone. At least this time nobody died. Still, with Kensuke gone, I have no more friends left. They're all gone.

. . .

But. . .is that really true? What about Asuka?

. . .

Does she count? Do I consider her a friend? Hell, does she consider me one?

Can't believe this is the first time I'm asking myself this but, what are we to each other? Are we friends, are we roommates, are we rivals? Just what exactly is my relationship with the redhead?

. . .

I need to go back to class.

---

The rest of the school day slowed to a crawl due to things constantly being on my mind. I mean, the only reason I decided to come back to school was to see Kensuke, but now that he's gone, there's no reason to be here. Honestly, the only reason why I didn't straight up leave was because I want to at least try and have a "normal" life here. Going to school is a part of being "normal".

Whenever the class went on break, I would go somewhere quiet and try to call Kensuke on my cell phone. We never really talked much via phone, there was rarely a reason for us to do so. Still, he always answered when I called, which is why it disturbed me when he didn't answer his phone this time around. No matter how many times I called him during break, the only thing I would be rewarded with is a few beeps, then a digital voice telling me no one has picked up.

I don't understand why he won't pick up. I just wanted to say goodbye to him one last time. Why can't I have that?

Anyway, about thirty minutes before school actually ended, I decided to walk off campus. Not exactly the smartest choice considering my current condition, but the teacher was just repeating the same thing over and over again. There was no reason to stay in class if that's all I'm gonna learn.

The next fifteen minutes is spent me hobbling my way home, occasionally putting my entire weight onto my cane in an attempt to not kneel over. Eventually, I stop momentarily to rest on the sidewalk. My legs feel like they're burning from the inside out, but the pain fades in a few minutes. Slowly getting back to my feet, I attempt to walk again.

That's when I hear hurried footsteps rushing behind me. I turn around and am greeted with a very pissed off redhead running full speed toward me.

"Oh crap."

I turned tail and ran. At least, I attempted to do so. I only got in a few steps before my legs gave out, causing me to fall to the ground. When I look back up, I see Asuka glaring a hole through my head.

Before I could get out a word she started screaming at me in what sounds like German and demon speech! I couldn't understand what she was saying for a solid minute until she calmed down slightly.

The keyword being "slightly".

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING! ! !" Asuka yells. She then grabs my shoulders, practically lifts me off the ground, then starts shaking me! "ARE YOU STUPID! ! ! YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT WELL ENOUGH TO WALK HOME! ! !"

"Well. . .in my defense," I reply meekly, but the redhead's not having it!

"GOD! ! ! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO STUBBORN! ? !" the girl continues ranting. "WHAT IF YOU GOT HURT WHILE ATTEMPTING THIS? ! ? DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT? ! ? YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL YESTERDAY! ! ! DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK? ! ?"

I shake my head, keeping silent. Anything I say will only serve to piss her off further.

She continues to glare at me, then takes a large inhale, then exhales. This time she manages to calm herself down, and releases my shoulders. Despite my legs feeling weak, I manage to keep standing.

" *Sigh* Since we're already this far from school, we might as well find a place to rest then call Misato." The redhead crosses her arms and lets out a frustrated huff.

Scanning the area, I spot a grassy field with a tree we can rest under. I point this out to Asuka, and she agrees that it would be a good resting spot for now. She's still giving me the stink eye, but doesn't say anything more after that. Instead, she grabs my hand and leads me to the grassy field.

When we reach the area, we both sit under the large tree. I lean against the trunk and take a moment to catch my breath. I then rub my legs since they started aching. Asuka on the other hand, pulls out her phone then makes a quick call to Misato, informing the woman on where we are. After she was done with the call, she was silent for a bit.

She's about to speak once again, probably gonna ask why I did what I did. I cut her off.

"Listen, I just couldn't stay at school." I say in my defense.

The glare doesn't leave her face. "And why not?"

I scratch the back of my head, then shrug. "The only reason I wanted to go to school was to see Kensuke. But, since he's not here. . .I don't really have a reason to stay."

My brow furrows. "Didn't even get to say goodbye to the guy. He's just. . .gone."

Just like Toji. Just like Rei.

The silence returns, and in the silence I slowly start smiling.

"You know, it feels like it was just yesterday since I last talked to the guy," I speak up once more. "Doesn't even feel like that much time has passed."

I let out a short laugh. "You know, I promised him I'd go see some battleship presentation with him. It was supposed to be my way of apologizing for being so much of a shut in." I put my fingers through my hair, reminding myself how short it became now. "Heh, guess it's just another thing I failed to do."

Looking at Asuka, I see she's still pissed, but her expression softens. "You were in a coma. It's idiotic to blame yourself for something out of your control."

I chuckle. "Yeah, I know. A coma kinda puts a stop to most plans." I shake my head. "Still. . .maybe if I wasn't such a shitty friend. . .maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about this."

Almost subconsciously, I reach for the cross around my neck, and hold on tightly to it. "You know what I realized. I. . .I don't think I've ever been happy."

Asuka looks confused which causes me to laugh again.

"Sorry, that's an exaggeration," I clearly state. "I guess what I really mean is that. . .it's just so temporary." I purse my lips. "Any. . .drop of happiness I gain, quickly gets swiped away. All my friends eventually go away. All the joy, always goes down the drain. Everything and everyone that I. . .love. . .just doesn't last."

Before I know it, Asuka gets close to me, lying her head on my shoulder, looking directly into my eyes. In response, I pull the hood over my head to cover my face.

"You're too close," I say quickly.

"I don't care about the scars," she replies in a calm tone. "Idiot."

"Hmm," is my only response to the comment. Wanting to change the current mood, I ask a question. "So. . .I heard there was an Angel attack while I was in a coma. How did you and Rei deal with that?"

Looking at her, I see her smile slightly. "Rei acted as back up for that mission. It was simply really, all I had to do was shoot it down with a positron rifle."

"So I guess things went swimmingly," I reply sarcastically.

"Of course," she replies with equal sarcasm. "The thing was damaged by me shooting it out of orbit. So it tried to turn the city into a crater by crashing itself. But I managed to stop it."

"Just you?" I question.

The girl rolls her eyes. "Rei helped too. But I did most of the work."

I genuinely laugh at that. She's acting so childish.

"Bet Kaji was impressed," I joke.

The redhead's expression changes. "Kaji. . .he's dead."

That caused me to pause.

How. . .when the hell did this happen?! How could someone like Kaji die?! It just. . .doesn't make sense to me.

I was never really close to Kaji. We barely had enough time to get to know each other. But, based on the conversations I had with the man, I could tell he was a good person. So it just. . .sucks that he's gone now.

I can't imagine how Asuka feels about this.

"I'm. . .I'm sorry." That's all I could say.

"It wasn't your fault," she responds in a whisper. "So don't bother apologizing."

"Besides," she continues. "It's in the past. You can't change it. Nobody can."

We both stay silent for the rest of our time there. Misato eventually finds us then takes us both home. The rest of the day was spent Asuka, Misato, and I talking to each other or playing a series of games. Eventually when night fell, we all went to bed.

---

I can't sleep. At least, not at the moment. There's just so much going in my head at the moment.

Most of my thoughts mainly revolve around Kaji and his death. I didn't ask Asuka any further, knowing it would be a sore subject for her. So when we got home, I privately asked Misato about it.

I just wanted to know exactly how the man died. Instead of dancing around the subject or lying, Misato straight up told me what happened to Kaji. He was shot, and it seemed like an assasination. Misato was. . .obviously shaken up about it, but it also looked like she desperately wanted to talk about this with someone.

Shifting my weight on my mattress, I couldn't help but think about how much things have changed. Rei is gone, replaced by a clone. Kensuke has left the city, and the city itself is becoming more empty with each passing day.

Looking at my scarred hand, I scowl slightly.

And now, I have to deal with this scarred body. I have to constantly remind myself that the scars aren't as bad as they could have been, but it's hard to stay positive. Whenever I look in the mirror, I swear I see someone else looking back at me. But it's not just the looks, everything feels weird on my skin. It's difficult to describe, but it feels like there is constant pressure around some parts of my body. It's. . .uncomfortable

I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life.

I hear my door slide open, causing me to groan. Asuka's probably gonna sleep in my room again. Turning toward the entrance, my breath gets caught in my throat at the sight of the redhead.

Asuka's practically naked. All she's wearing is a pink bra with matching panties. The only actual clothes she has are the ones she's holding in her arms. As if she just got undressed outside my door. My face immediately became hot as I quickly covered my eyes with one hand.

"Asuka! What the hell?!" I asked in a loud whisper. Despite the situation I'm apparently being stuck in, I don't want to wake Misato. If she woke up and saw all this. . .I don't know what will happen!

"Hmm? What's the matter?" She asks in a tone which puts butterflies in my stomach.

"W-What's the matter?!" I say, astonished, and still very much flustered. "You're seriously asking that?! Why are you barely wearing anything?!"

I still have my eyes covered, but I can tell that the redhead has gotten close to me. Like really close! I feel her fingers grab my hand, and pull it away from my face, forcing me to look at her.

She's kneeling in front of me, so she's in my entire view. She has this smile which seems seductive. She looks me dead in the eyes, turning my brain completely to mush. I honestly don't know what to do in this situation. What the actual hell is happening?!

"What? You don't think I look good like this?" she asks in a faux-hurt tone.

"N-No! You look. . .I mean. . .you look. . .you look. . ." I shake my head, utterly embarrassed by how my mind keeps drifting off.

The girl gets closer to me, and I instinctively pull back.

"Yes?" she asks, wanting me to continue.

She's got to be messing with me. That's got to be it!

Taking a deep breath, I manage to calm myself down then look Asuka dead in the eyes.

"Asuka," I start with a serious tone. I want this to be over already. "What are you doing?"

The mask she was wearing this entire exchange starts to crack. "What do you mean?"

"What are you doing," I repeat, demanding she explain herself.

The girl stares at me in disbelief before letting out a frustrated huff. She sits on the ground and rubs her left arm.

"Why do you always have to be so difficult," starts the redhead. "I thought it would be easier if I came to you like this, just so I can get it over with." She laughs slightly, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say she sounds nervous. "I should've figured you would have been a little suspicious."

I blink a few times in surprise. She. . . looks really vulnerable at the moment.

I soften my tone. "Do. . .you need to tell me something?"

A pause.

"I've been thinking a lot lately," Asuka says tentatively. "About recent events, about the future. . .about you and me." The girl continues rubbing her arm, and is looking at anything other than me. "Do you remember that conversation we had? The one we had on the school's roof?"

I slowly nod.

"Well. . .that was something I couldn't stop thinking about," she continues. "You were the first person I ever willingly told about my past. I keep thinking back to that moment. Keep asking why I would do something like that. Maybe it was because I thought it was the only way I could get through to you? Maybe it just slipped out during the heat of the moment?" The redhead shakes her head, cheeks turning red and eyes starting to swell. Yet, she still attempts to stay stoic, to stay strong. "I just keep going back to that time, trying to rationalize what I did. Kept trying to find some logical reason why I would do that. But. . .after what that last Angel did to me. . .I'm starting to think there was a more personal reason why I told you about my past."

My eyes widen slightly. I then word my next sentence carefully. "What. . .did the last Angel do?"

She immediately looks uncomfortable. "That Angel Rei and I killed. . .it could get inside people's heads. That thing. . .violated my mind! It forced me to see things I didn't want to see. Hear things I didn't want to hear." Her arms are shaking. "That thing didn't stay in my head for very long, Rei made sure of that. But. . .it was there long enough to hurt me. It made me feel dirty, weak, helpless, and I hated it! I nearly considered-"

She cuts herself off.

Her eyes change. They become focused and filled with determination. It is those eyes that I'm looking at right now as she continues speaking. "Despite what that thing did, it wasn't enough to beat me. What gave me the strength to keep fighting, to ignore the little satan that thing put in my head. . .was you."

I'm caught off guard by her statement. "Me?"

She nods. "When that thing tore my mind apart, what brought me back to reality was my memories of you. Memories of all the times we fought, but also memories of all the times we. . .connected. I started to notice how similar we really are." She inhales deeply. "Somehow, knowing that made me feel. . .safe.

"What I'm trying to say is that I. . . I. . ." Asuka breaks eye contact as she stares at the ground. Her stare intensifies as she forces herself to finish that last sentence. "I like you. . . a lot."

Once again I'm taken aback by what she said. It. . .doesn't even feel real. Like, this is a dream that could end at any moment. But, this is real, I know it is. The look on her face is real, and the words she spoke are real. My heart beats faster as I continue mulling over what she just said.

"But. . .why me?"

This time she looks annoyed.

"Weren't you listening to anything I just said?!" she nearly yells, causing me to flinch. There was a moment of silence before Asuka took a deep breath again to calm down. "You're so dense."

"Sorry," I say with as much sincerity as possible. "This. . .is kinda new to me."

She huffs in response, but her harsh expression softens. "Well, to make this easier to understand, I'll put it this way." She gets closer to me, but this time it wasn't in a seductive manner. It's like she wants me to look at every part of her face so I don't misinterpret what she's going to say. "That night when you promised to always listen to me, to always be there when I needed help. . .it was something I needed to hear. You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that. How much I wanted someone to care and listen to me. I. . .I like you because whenever I'm around you. . .I don't feel like the only person in the world."

I couldn't say anything. I mean, what are you supposed to say to that?

"Well," asks the redhead. "Do you feel the same way about me?"

"Umm. . ." I start fidgeting on my mattress. "You're putting me on the spot here."

Annoyance once again returns to Asuka. "It's a yes or no question. I spilled my heart out, so you might as well give an answer."

"I. . .I don't know how to answer." I'm being serious, I've never been put in this situation before. I don't know if I have feelings for the redhead. Hell, how would I even know if I did?

"Just say yes or no," says an impatient Asuka. Right now, she looks desperate for any answer. "If you don't like me then spill it out! Don't keep me waiting all night! If you hate me, then just say it, I wouldn't blame you! If you think I look absolutely disgusting, especially dressed like this, then just fucking say-"

"Shut up!" I snap at Asuka, stopping her mid sentence. "I could never hate you, no matter how hard I tried! And I could never think you look anything less than beau-"

I covered my mouth with both hands, surprised at what I was going to say.

Asuka's eyes widen and she starts to blush. "W-What did you say?"

I look at her for a long time, trying to come up with what to say next. Eventually, I uncover my mouth then let out a sigh.

"Do you know why I pilot the Eva," I ask the redhead.

The redhead seems miffed that I changed the subject, but shakes her head in response to my question.

"I pilot so I can go home," I continue. "I know it doesn't make sense, but piloting is the only guarantee I have that I can return home. I. . .don't belong here. I can't stay here forever. So that's why I don't have an answer for you."

Asuka pauses, then says something that shocks me. "Well. . .can I come with you?"

I give her an astonished look. "What?!"

"Can I come with you," she repeats.

I don't. . .why would she. . .

I rub my forehead. "You can't. And before you ask why, all I can say is that it's complicated."

The redhead looks like she wants to ask more, but drops it.

"Like I said, I can't stay here forever," I once again speak up. "So there's no point in spending time with someone who's gonna be gone."

Silence once again returns to the room. Asuka looks to the ground, face molded into a thoughtful expression. A few more seconds passes before she moves her hands towards mine, and gently grabs them.

"I've been on guard my entire life," she says, eyes slowly meeting mine. "For my entire life I kept pushing people away because. . .I was afraid to get hurt again. I was afraid of being some helpless, weak little girl. I hated that." The grip on my hands tightens for a moment. "I hated feeling like I was all alone, yet I was too scared to reach out to someone. If I let people get close, then they could hurt me. But if I ask for their help, then it would mean that I'm weak. I didn't want to be manipulated! I didn't want to be someone's 'doll'! I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be independent but. . .I also wanted someone to care about me."

Asuka pulls her face closer to mine. "I'm taking a chance, just this once, because I'm tired. I'm tired of pushing people away. I'm tired of being caught in the past. I'm tired of feeling so damn alone!" Her face draws even closer to mine, I can feel her breath on my lips. "I feel. . .less guarded around you. I. . .care about you. I want . . .to share as much time with you as possible. Even if that time is short, at least I'd know there was a point in my life when I felt. . .connected with someone."

"So," she continues. "How do you feel about me?"

My jaw has trouble working. "I feel. . ."

Her lips are so close to mine, causing a lump to grow in my throat. "I feel. . ."

I shake my head, trying to get. . . certain thoughts out of my head. "I feel. . .that you are too close."

The redhead stares at me in disbelief for a few seconds before rolling her eyes.

"You're obviously having trouble thinking," she says with a smirk. "Well talk about this in the morning."

Before I could say anything, she jumps on the mattress and snuggles next to me.

I let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, we'll talk in the morning."

Just as she starts getting settled, something popped into my head.

"You know, trying to seduce me with your body was really unfair." I then reveal a shit eating grin. "Pervert."

Her face turns multiple shades of red as she starts trying to get me into a head lock to stop me from laughing. I continue taking jabs at her, embarrassing her more and more. Eventually, the both of us went to sleep.

That was the most peaceful sleep I have had since arriving in this world.

---

Author's Notes: Sup. It's been a long time since I last updated. Hope I didn't keep y'all waiting too long. Anyway, I'm back with a new chapter. For some reason, writing this was giving me trouble, but in the end, I'm satisfied with the end result. Also, I'm glad to see you all loved the last chapter. Knowing there are people who genuinely enjoy the story is something I can't get over. It's just amazing, so thank you all for continuing to read.

And, before I forget, Thomas Drovin was able to correctly guess both of the artists/bands last chapter.

Chapter 20 hint: This band was formed in 2007 and was originally called Breakpoint, but the name was changed for copyright reasons; their musical style is a mix of post-hardcore and alternative-rock. The title of this chapter is a reference to the lyrics of this chapter's song; the song is about finding belonging either with friends or family.

See ya'll later. Hopefully it won't take longer than a month to update.