Hermione Granger lay motionless in her bed as she stared at the ceiling. Three weeks had passed since she gained a permanent residence in Severus' house. She barely had time to make up her mind about it. She felt at peace here...if anything. And he didn't comment on the fact that she had turned into a shell of her former self. Hermione was grateful for this. Yet, she still refused to look properly at her own reflection in the mirror. Instead, she studied the paintings and the bookshelves on either side of her bed, looking for signs of the things and people she used to know. She wanted to remember who she was, what she had done. What she hadn't.
Sometimes she'd wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares; it wasn't unusual. It was almost as if she was reliving the horrors of Voldemort's reign once more...but at the same time she could feel the weight of reality crushing all of her feelings; she knew it wouldn't last, it never did. It hurt, to say the least. Still, the pain felt so much better than the emptiness that seemed to follow her everywhere. There was no longer anyone to hate. No one waiting for her to screw it up. No one waiting for her to betray their trust.
She looked down, staring at the dark carpet beneath her bed. This is my home, Granger. You will be welcome anytime that I can provide you protection for however long you wish it. His words floated around in her thoughts. Even though it was not the first time these words crossed her mind, they always left her feeling very unsettled. She still was not sure why she chose to come to Severus, what she sought here, in his house, and what sensations it brought to her troubled mind. She liked his house since the very time they became friends almost five years ago. He treated her like any other person and gave her advice, he always told her the truth and set her in the right direction. Hermione could truly call him her friend. He saved her from drowning in depression once upon a time when she broke up with Ron and escaped to Australia.
There was a huge scandal full of reproaches, insults, and general misunderstanding. Poor Ron could not understand why his so kind and always understanding fiancee had suddenly changed her mind about becoming the future Mrs Weasley and changed her usual routine for adventures? Hermione did not condescend to lengthy explanations and simply disappeared from England for six months.
She quite settled in Australia, she even rented a house near her parents, who, after the returning of their memories, did not want to return to Mother Britain and still did not trust their own daughter too much. Hermione set up a garden of poisonous plants and amused herself by inventing experimental potions and sending samples to Snape, inviting him to guess the purpose of potions or tinctures. She corresponded with him from the very end of the war. He did not mind, and everything was fine. Until one Christmas day, he showed up at her doorstep, banging on her door and swearing terribly. Hermione had never remembered her former professor using such obscenities before.
"Granger, we're going back home. I'm tired of tracking your movements throughout Australia!" Snape declared as he walked into the house and threw his boots in different directions. Hermione shrugged. When he looked so scruffy, clad in Muggle jeans and a faded Led Zepellin T-shirt, she liked him better.
"Snape, I do not need a babysitter! I am already an adult witch."
"Of course, and that is why your mother sent me a hundred SMS, begging me to talk some sense into your stubborn head! You know, one day the magic community simply might not find your location in another cave, into which you climbed for the poison of a blue-ringed octopus for an ointment against paralysis, and you might just drown there, unbeknownst to anyone!"
"Wait a second here, you have a mobile phone ... And my mother has your number?!"
"Grander, we are living in the twenty-first century, I follow Muggle technologies! Surprisingly, there are still people in the world who sincerely worry about you."
"Come on, just admit you wanted to see my poisonous garden," Hermione snorted, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Granger, have pity on the native tribes: you managed to drive mad all the surrounding islands. The fame of the crazy witch who climbed all the ravines, tested all the trees for strength, and collected all the surrounding poisons that could be found, goes far beyond the local magical community. Tell me, why are you looking for death so zealously?"
Hermione looked carefully at Snape, who was sprawled in the chair, and shrugged.
"I'm bored."
"Then join me in the Aurory."
"You and Auror department? What happened to the reclusive Professor Snape? Shall I check you for Polyjuice Potion?"
"Nonsense, Granger. As if you would be able to prove anything!" Severus smirked and leaned forward. "You need a challenge, you need something where you can prove yourself. The career of a housewife, as I managed to understand from your letters, is not to your liking. Therefore, come with me. I work in the Forbidden Potions department, and you will be more into field practice. Artefacts, secrets, poisons, crazy psychos, eager to dominate the world. Take up martial arts, Potter will help you brush your skills in duelling."
"Who are you and what did you do to Professor Snape?" Hermione arched an eyebrow as she perched on the windowsill.
"What if I told you that I also got bored of making the same potions and teaching the same ungrateful idiots? Potter saved my life. And he offered me a job. The whole Aurory is afraid of me, there is not even anyone to talk to there. I taught eighty percent of them and all of them are just hopeless fools!"
"So you need a pleasant companion?"
"Granger, you do need a job or don't you?"
Hermione nodded in affirmation. "I do."
"Deal then! Imagine how wonderful you will look in dark blue robes!"
After these words, Granger fell off the windowsill. And Severus laughed heartily. His shock therapy proved to be successful.
So Hermione began to serve in Aurory. Yes, it was exactly the thing she was looking for: there was danger, endless mysteries, deadly poisons, and tangled cases into which she threw herself like into a whirlpool.
She soon earned the title of the hottest head of the department. They feared her more than Snape, at least he could be persuaded and appealed to rationalism. Hermione wasn't listening to anyone. Having reached the rank of Lead Auror, she never gave up field practice, and in her free time, she began to train new recruits. The whole lot of them looked at her with puppy adoration when she once again managed to survive, hanging by a hair's breadth from death.
Snape gave up lecturing her about the dangers of the field practice. But he nevertheless hung up the spell monitoring her movements. If she noticed, she didn't comment.
Hermione just stopped giving a damn about anything.
Now, laying there, in this bedroom and staring at the ceiling, she desperately wanted to learn to feel again. For the first time since being locked away in this horrid place, she felt alive. The only problem was her body. She couldn't move without feeling excruciating pain every single minute. Her muscles were constantly twitching. Whenever she sat down, her hands and feet started hurting again. Sometimes she even forgot how to speak. Hermione was trying her best, but the constant pains and dizziness made it extremely difficult for her to concentrate on anything. And yet, she kept going. She had promised herself she wouldn't give up and it seemed like she'd fulfilled her promise.
The days passed in monotony. The nights she spent alone were filled with nightmares and flashbacks; each time her consciousness drifted away from her dreams, she felt so exhausted that her eyelids grew heavy and her eyes shut close.
One morning while she was sitting next to the fireplace, trying to summon the courage to ask Snape for another dose of sleeping potion and finding none. At least, during those horrific nights, she was able to feel something, even if it was fear, hopelessness and excruciating pain again. Anything was better than this numbness she had found herself in. Dreamless Sleep only gave her a blinding headache in the morning and more spasms. She should have just let Severus know but she refused. She lowered the dosage instead.
In the evenings she watched the fire crackling and hissing and imagined it was the sound of waves crashing against the shore. She felt so lonely. She missed herself, that braver and stronger version of her.
So tonight, as she tossed and turned in bed, she listened to the inner sensations of her body, as tingles became running up her legs, cramping and twitching, twisting her muscles. Then, the sharp pain shot through her entire body again and she hissed through the clenched teeth. She knew it was coming and prepared herself, hoping she was wrong. Suddenly, the pain was replaced with a dull throbbing sensation spreading through her veins. It wasn't painful enough to break her concentration completely, but it left her breathless and unable to think straight.
She felt as if somebody ignited her nerve endings in the fire. Every part of her body, from her toes to her neck to her hairline, began to burn from the inside out. All her limbs trembled, she was shivering violently and her skin felt dry. Her body was twisted in spasms, she could barely move a finger as she felt the panic attack approaching her.
Her throat burned with acid and tears streamed down her face. She felt weak and powerless, she wanted to call for help, she wanted to scream until her voice became hoarse but nothing came out of her mouth. Her head felt as if someone was smashing on it mercilessly. The room was spinning, her chest was tight and all she heard was silence, and no air. Nothing but her rapid heartbeat pounding inside her ears. She tried to scream, to turn her head but nothing happened, so she just moaned, silently praying to the gods to save her from this madness.
When she finally regained control over her body, she managed to swing her freezing legs over the edge of the bed, she literally collapsed onto the floor and crawled to the exit of her bedroom. She could see the door, slowly moving towards her, almost acting on its own accord. Her trembling fingers reached the handle, opening the door in a desperate attempt to escape this nightmare. Once in the corridor, she slammed the door behind her and leaned against it, taking deep breaths of the cold air.
She stayed like that for a long time, holding the door closed and letting everything around her fade into a blur of grey and purple spots. She needed to get to Severus...
Snape had always been a light sleeper and Hermione's stampeding in the passage did not escape his notice as he rushed out of his room. He followed the sounds of sobbing and gasping to see Hermione lying on the floor, trembling uncontrollably as she stared at a point far above him. When she saw that him approaching her quickly, her eyes glistened and she tried to rise her head. When they locked gazes, a huge shudder shook her body.
"Severus...", she choked out, raising a shaky hand to wipe the sweat off her burning forehead. "Severus, help me..."
When Severus dropped to his knees next to her, she made an inhuman attempt to roll onto her side and clutched on his pyjama shirt. She buried her nose against his bare chest, inhaling deeply his familiar scent.
As Severus took his hand gently, guiding it into her hair, whispering comforting words to calm her, she lifted her gaze up to meet his. A mixture of terror and desperation shone in her eyes, her teeth clattering as she clung to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her shaking figure and pulled her closer. Her head rested on his shoulder, her ear pressing against his skin. One of his large hands held her firmly and the other one stroked her back in slow circular motions.
He spoke softly, repeating over and over again: "Shh, Hermione, it's alright, I've got you, witch, everything is going to be okay." When he heard her breathing evened a bit, he stood up and lifted her into his arms.
"I'm sorry for waking you up..." she managed to whisper.
"You silly, silly witch, you should have come to me once you felt the symptoms," he reproached her softly as he carried her towards the main bathroom. "Come now, we shall have you fixed."
She closed her eyes as she leaned into his body. It was the first time they called each other by their given names.