Kjon's Audio Diary Log

May 8, 2621

Before I get into the actual story portion of this entry I just want to let you know that there were some things I forgot to touch upon in the last entry. The reason why I didn't get into them was because I was having another reaction. PTSD is a btch to deal with, especially during these logs. My doctors tell me I'm getting better, and while I have been having reactions less often than I have before, I still don't think there is any way I will be able to completely heal from it. Physical injuries are minor temporary wounds, and although they can last for a long time, they don't last nearly as long as the mental scars do. To some degree I don't want to forget about them either. Those scars serve as reminders of my flaws, ones that remind me never to go through the mistakes I went to receive them again. I'll go more into detail about that later though. For now I'll just start explaining.

Crimer's Massacre is not an event anyone who was there will ever forget. But that was just the start of what Weyland did to us. Now I should point out for those of you who may have forgotten that he did screw a bunch of other marines over on a bunch of other planet's his sorry ass owned, but not all of them were successful like we were here on KJ147. Now most were a lot of us who got screwed over, and a lot of the guys that were on those other planets that I've met recently have been through some tough sht. But when we compare our sob stories, everyone agrees Crimer's Ridge was the worst. Now like I said that was just the start.

Weyland Yutani's policies changed drastically. With the credibility of the marines now destroyed, and a enormous loss of military personnel on the planet, Weyland basically had nothing else in his way between him and his shadows, mostly anyway. As I said before, the Task Force had become more and more popular as the marines became more demonized. After Crimer's Ridge, the marines just dropped in recruitment, and our publicity was in the gutter. Weyland Yutani's media networks continued to portray us as lazy gun monkeys or xeno worshipping cultists, and the colonies continued to accept these explanations. We continued to do the best we could, but times were tougher on us. Our funds were non-existent, our morality was declining, and if fighting shadows wasn't already hard enough as it was, it was even harder with the lack of support we were receiving. Many of us stayed and did the best they could to fight on, because they still believed in the marines. Those guys still believed that because of their sacrifices, their loved ones back at the colonies were not suffering what we were, and they weren't. But in saying this though there were many who quit because they couldn't take it. All of the hardships, the lying, the blood shed, and death they saw. I couldn't blame them for that. Others went to join the Task Force because hey they were doing good, why not join them where you were actually treated with some decency. Those guys I have no sympathy for.

As for those leaders who were in charge of us during Crimer's Cluster fck, they knew someone was going to be held accountable for that, and although a lot of them were just following orders, they knew they that if this got out they would be used as scapegoats. So they just did themselves in. Weyland thought the same thing and had the others killed as well. He wasn't going to take any chances. As for us grunts, huh! Who was going to believe us?! We were the marines, the gun monkeys, the xeno worshippers, we were the enemy, why should we've been trusted. Hell even some of the retirees who'd left well before all of this went down were treated the same as those who were still in uniform. Needless to say that pissed a lot of people off. Charles fcking Weyland. Slimy bastard. Son of a btch is lucky we weren't able to do anything to him.

That's not to say we didn't try to do anything to him, there were a lot of us who were PISSED! There were groups of marines who left to try and off the mother fcker themselves. None of them were successful though. I must give them credit though for their attempts. But in the end, they just added to the mountainous pile of bodies and marine paranoia bull sht that Weyland had started. We weren't all suspected of being gad guys at first, just most of us, but those assassination attempts just made us out to be ticking time bombs who were just waiting to go off. I can't tell you how many of us were accused and killed under so many false accusations.

He lights a cigarette momentarily, before blowing out a smoke cloud.

And as for the Weyland Yutani Corporate Security Task Force.

He laughs in an abrasive and unharmonious tone.

Merciful Master Jesus, were they sensationalized. I've already told you this now, but I just want to paint a better picture of them for you. They were assholes, but the colonies adored the sht out of them. They were just about as... what's the word? Romanticise! that's it. They were just as romanticised as the U.S. army was during and after WWII. These guys were the new ultimate badasses. Yeah right. Just a bunch of stupid looking... whatevers, I don't know what to call them. We did all the work clearing out bug holes, while these guys stood behind and posed for the cameras. That's actually what they did a lot of times I saw them outside the facility, they just posed over our kills. These guys were just looked upon as the ultimate action hero. All of it was a bunch of BS I tell you, and none of it helped with the media either who portrayed them this way. Yeah all of this was Weyland's big scheme. Make us look like the bad guys while the real wolves were being sensationalized by the sheep, perfect strategy.

As for the Task Force groups in the colonies. Those guys were supposed to be quelling all of the crime that was going on in the colonies, as well as protecting them from what few shadows made it into those colonies. Now while they did do pretty well-very well actually-in that regard, the former, eh. If anything they just added to the crime. And a lot of the sht that those guys got caught doing Weyland just covered that up or bailed them out and recreated the story to help keep the credibility of the Task Force safe. Those who caught them, a lot of them became suspicious. They went missing soon after. Yeah I knew what happened to them. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

Of course when xenos won, the marines were always the first to blame. Never, and I mean, never once did I see a single person during my time in the colonies ever stop to think hey maybe it's not the marines fault. They even began blaming domestic problems on marines. A bunch of false BS propaganda.

Things weren't like this on all the other planets, but they did get similar treatment. By that time our numbers were ranging in the the tens of thousands, and that was on this planet I mean, and that number didn't get any bigger as time went on. We were all to tired from all of the fighting and chastisement. We were lost, scared, confused, and tired. But still we fought.

He fingers the cigarette out of his mouth and tosses it out of the office window, before blowing one last smoke cloud from his toothy mouth with an dispassionate sigh.

My whole platoon had been lost at Crimer's. No one made it back, no one, except me. The only company I had with the marines were in a few joint operations. There were some familiar faces here and there, but... we just... At the moment we were just glad to have some company that actually knew what we were going through and were fighting for the same things we were. We were just glad to see some people who were decent, rather than those fcktard Rambos called the Weyland Yutani Corporate Security Task Force.

Now our leadership also went through more changes. Our newer more permanent leaders still consisted of the Task Force, and as much as I despise them, I'm just thanking the Almighty God and his Savior Son Jesus, that this new leadership was at the very least competent. My recruitment consisted of two real mean pieces of work. General Anthony Spencer Spears and Sergeant Major Markus Massey.

General Spears, was like Major Hadrick in a lot of ways, he was gruff, experienced, and a demanding SOB. Makes sense given he, just like the guy before him ,General Thomas A.W. Spears, was artificially born and raised in the Task Force, much like me in the marines. Although unlike granddaddy Spears before him, Anthony wasn't a sociopathic, stupid, son of a btch. He was just really really good at his job. Although I was under his command a LOT! He never saw me as a lesser, but more of an equal, just one who took orders from him all the time. He always followed Weyland's demands to a T, while I would always ignore them. I still believed in the Corps, even though it was on the verge of extinction. Even though he and I never really saw eye to eye openly, or even privately, I could tell we had a deep respect for one another. I was loyal to the Marines, and Anthony was the same with the Task Force. Heck I'd say we weren't born, but rather made for them. We were also good at what we did, and we respected each other for it. In saying this though that's where we drifted apart from one another, because of those loyalties. Still I kept my respect for him as did he for me, so all in all he was at least, AT LEAST! tolerable. That and the mother fcker wasn't stupid, and was actually a pretty damn good leader so I couldn't hold to much of a disliking to the man.

The same cannot be said about Sergeant Major Markus Massey. Massey-and I did get ahold of some records-is the blood descendant of Biotech's Patrick Massey. Massey like his forefather is nothing but garbage, and just like Patrick was, Markus was an educated mother fcker, who started out as a marine. He was actually a pretty effective soldier, but a lot of it came from his enthusiasm for killing. Mother fcker was a tactical psychopath, who enjoyed killing. Didn't care what it was, so long as it bleed he enjoyed gutting it. But in saying that Markus, like Patrick, was a smart cunning son of a btch. Patrick Massey killed a whole town that was suspected to be a terrorist group, when in actuality he did it all for fun.

Markus like I mentioned before also started out in the marines, and was a decent fire-pisser. Up until I found out about how he killed a whole bunch of people, who were suspected to have been impregnated. Tests weren't taken on them yet, but he killed them anyway. His gave the that he thought they were infected. Huh! because you like to kill I would've said had I been there. Slime bag got discharged on the spot, but that stunt got the attention of Weyland who found his skills useful. Bastard knew it would, and after meeting Weyland, the two made a deal with each other. Markus became a high ranking Task Force operative, who got paid the big bucks to keep Yutani's fck ups a secret. I didn't go on very many stand up fights with the man, thank the Lord, but when we were around each other, OH MERCIFUL MASTER JESUS I WANTED TO TAKE HIS SKULL AND SPINE IN THE WORST WAY!

Kj takes a moment to light another cigarette, and takes a long calming drag of it before sighing.

As for me. Weyland still regarded me as an asset, one that would be of use to him someday. I'd had numerous agonizing conversations with the man. I didn't listen to a lot of his speeches, mostly because they were all just so boring and annoying. I could see why Hadrick hated having these stupid arguments with him.

I had nightmares about Michelle, Rich, Taylor, and William, and even some about... even some about Mom. My mental and emotional state, as the doctors would say "drooped." Survivors guilt, PTSD, the doctors prescribed. Well no shit! When you feel responsible for the deaths of your friends who you loved like siblings, of course you have survivor's guilt. And if you have nightmares and triggers that remind you of their deaths of course you have PTSD.

I knew though that feeling guilty about my situation wouldn't help me win, so I just kept myself preoccupied. PT training, weapons modifications, combat drops, sleep, anything that would help me to at least not feel guilty about my buddies deaths would help. I even began taking medication for it. Sertraline.

He begins shaking a bottle of pills in his hand.

I just toughened up. Since anyone I cared about had either died, excommunicated from me, and the only other interaction I had with anybody consisted of those Task Force ass heads, I became a loner in a crowd. I just spent more time to myself, and did my thing. I knew that if I dwelled on my faults for to long I wouldn't get anything done. Not that I tried to forget about them. I didn't I still kept the thought of my Hunter Siblings fresh in my mind, which continued to make me feel more responsible. Now all of this sounds counter intuitive, and in a way it is, but like I said it's important to remember past mistakes so that you don't repeat them. As such I learned not to piss God off again. I was more reverent, humble, and respectful to him. I remembered them to remember my pride, and because of that I never made that mistake again. It also made me very depressed to, but it was kind of worth it.

When I wasn't thinking about sad thoughts and terrible memories, I did other things. I read my Bible, did P.T., weapons training and modifications, survival preping, sleep. Just anything that was useful that took my mind off of my troubles. Heck there were times where I... I...

Kj stutters a little before sighing a growl.

Masturbation...

He pauses for a brief moment.

Yeah that's what I did whenever I felt really lonely and depressed.

And it did kind of work. I hurt a lot of people whenever I couldn't keep it together. Now even though I hate the Task Force, I still hold true to the promise of not killing Ooman's and doing everything I can to protect them. Just made me beg God for the lead pill even more. Each and every day I spent as much time to myself from those jack-offs, and each time I just grew more callus to every being around me. I just kept to myself.

Sorry I've been gone for so long, I was taking a two week exercise away from my tablet for church reasons. Since my tablet is the only thing I use to write this story with I haven't been able to post any chapters. But I'm starting again now and I'll work on the next chapter as soon as possible.