Chapter 23 – The Pirates

WARNING – Homophobic Slur in the 3rd scene. An F-bomb, didn't want it to take anyone by surprise. See endnotes for more details.

-:-:-

"I think you should introduce Aziz to the pirates," Chad mentioned to Jay one night when Aziz was out with some of his friends from the Tourney team – players who had come into town early to set up their apartments for the upcoming school year.

Jay blinked up from the playbook he was looking over with wide eyes, seeming a few seconds behind. "What?"

"The pirates," Chad repeated. "Those guys that helped you save Auradon? Captain Uma and the other two?"

Who Chad had technically never met, at least, not in this life.

"You think… I should introduce Aziz to them," Jay said slowly, trying to connect the dots. "Why?"

Chad tensed, because he didn't really have a reason for this save that they had liked each other a lot in the alternate world, and it seemed like a shame for Chad and Jay to hog Aziz sexy time when the pirates had also liked it so very much.

"They seem like they'd get along," Chad settled on. "Aziz likes badass ladies, Captain Uma's a badass lady with two badass pirate boyfriends. They could have fun."

"You think they're badasses?" Was what Jay decided to well on, because he always had misplaced priorities.

"Objectively, yeah," Chad said. And then, after a moment, he added, "You're a badass too, Jay."

"Thank you," Jay said, his cheeks heating in a light flush because even Jay needed compliments. "I'll be honest, I'm still not seeing why you think Aziz should – what, date them?"

"Because they're adventurous, fun people, that's why," Chad said. "Aziz would treat Uma like a goddess so her first mate would like him and the blond guy likes everybody, so it's nothing but wins all around. Plus, Aziz would round them off into an even four."

Now that such a thing was strictly necessary to have a thriving relationship, but it would make it easier on them if they decided to go to any theme parks. No one would be left alone.

Jay seemed to consider this. "We don't even know if they're actually dating."

"You won't know until you ask," Chad pointed out. "Come on, can't you do this for Aziz? He's your bro."

"Do you want him to go?" Jay asked, startling Chad.

"I mean, not really," Chad replied, trying to be honest. "But we can't hog him forever. Eventually he'll need to move on and actually date people."

"People like the pirates," Jay said. "You think he should date the pirates."

"I think he should date people that make him happy," Chad countered with a huff. "And, I dunno, I thought the pirates might like to do that. After all, Captain Uma seems dominant and Aziz isn't, so…"

For a moment, Jay seemed lost in thought, and then a dark flush spilled across the bridge of his nose, his shoulders seeming to shift with a full body shiver.

"Okay," Jay said eventually, taking Chad by surprise. "I'll ask them, but don't be surprised if nothing comes from it."

"Thank you," Chad said, feeling relieved that he could potentially bring back one of the things that had made Aziz and the pirates happy in the other world. Chad couldn't really think of a better gift to make up for Lonnie's loss. "You know, I think I need to show my appreciation right now. Maybe give Aziz a pretty show to come home to."

"Chad," Jay whined, all flushed and stricken, but he didn't fight Chad when the prince dragged him over to the couch, pulling Jay out of his clothes until he was cuddled naked in Chad's lap, hips eagerly rutting into his attention while his hair spilled in loose waterfalls around his shoulders.

Chad managed to make him hold out long enough for Aziz to come home, and the Agraben took one look at the situation before he abandoned his shoes and jacket, scrambling onto the couch so he could clumsily suck on Jay's hard length.

"I don't know what I did, but happy birthday to me," Aziz murmured, making Jay moan.

Suffice it to say, they ordered dinner that night.

-:-:-

"Good news, Aziz," Jay proclaimed the next evening when Aziz was working on his homework at the breakfast bar, Chad in the kitchen making four or so quiches because he might have tripled the recipe during one of his pointed bouts of restless anxiety. "I got you a date."

The Agraben prince blinked up from his papers, not seeming to comprehend Jay's words. "You got me- why?"

"It was Chad's idea," Jay said, and Chad was pretty sure he imagined the hurt look Aziz sent him, because the other prince had no reason to be upset with Chad's good-natured interest. That was just the anxiety talking. Stupid anxiety. "He thought we should set you up with the pirates, and before you ask 'what pirates?"," Jay said when Aziz opened his mouth to do just that. "We're referring to Uma, Gil, and Harry."

"The guys that helped you save Auradon?" Aziz asked, and when he turned his gaze onto Chad, he was entirely confused. "What made you think of them?"

"Uma's a cool lady," Chad said. "Passionate, driven, strong – and she has two hot boyfriends-"

"That's the thing," Jay interrupted. "See, they're still coming to terms with the whole poly thing."

"That's… fair," Chad said, wondering where Jay was going with this.

"They've already gone through so much," Jay continued. "Saving Auradon, adjusting to a new culture, helping get the Isle refugees settled – you can see why they're not entirely comfortable paving the way for a polyamorous relationship."

"Are they keeping it a secret?" Chad asked, worried.

"I don't think they're actually dating yet," Jay said, making Chad's shoulders fall. "But, I had an idea how to fix that."

"With Aziz?" Chad asked, remembering what had started this conversation in the first place.

"Sort of," Jay said. "With all of us!" At that, Aziz and Chad just sort of stared at him, hopelessly confused, but Jay pushed on, undeterred. "See, here was my thought. They might be afraid of dating each other, but if there was another polyamorous group paving the way, maybe things wouldn't be as intimidating."

Aziz seemed to get it before Chad, his posture straightening up with a wide-eyed look like a literal lightbulb had gone off in his mind. "You're saying we three should come out as polyamorous?"

"Jay, I have to lay low," Chad said, hating to squash Aziz's enthusiasm now that the other prince understood Jay's plan. "I can't do that."

"But you can do it privately," Jay said. "Which is why all three of us will be going on a double date with Uma's pirates this Saturday night."

"I- oh," Chad said, thinking it over. "So we help them get used to groups of people dating, and in the meantime, they'll bond with Aziz?"

"Yes," Jay said, nodding his head solemnly. "We'll have to pretend to be a couple, though – really sell them on it."

"But not too much," Chad said. "I wouldn't want them feeling bad for stealing our boyfriend."

"Right," Aziz said, wearing a strange look on his face that he quickly schooled into something more relieved. "So um- where shall we double date them?"

"I was thinking here," Jay said, motioning out towards the large patio they never used. "We could break in the pool."

"I could grill us up some chicken pesto sliders!" Chad chirped. "And I could make strawberry watermelon lemonade and cucumber honeydew salad and pineapple sherbet for dessert-"

"Love your enthusiasm, master planer," Jay interrupted, carding a hand through Chad's curls, sending a flare of warmth through his chest. "Leave some organizing for the rest of us."

"You already got the date," Chad reminded him, grinning happily. "If anything, Aziz and I need to step up."

"And you will," Jay said, slinging a casual arm around Chad's waist and nuzzling his shoulder. "So, everyone cool with the plan?"

"Very," Chad chirped.

"Yeah," Aziz said, maybe a little nervous because he was getting out on the dating scene again, but he still seemed excited, so Chad decided to count that as a win.

-:-:-

Aziz was a bit of a nervous wreck on the night of their big date, which had Chad handing him a broom and getting him to sweep and re-sweep the deck while Jay saw their guests up on their private elevator. Chad himself was occupied with setting out the food – the dessert left in the small freezer attached to the wet bar, the sandwiches prepped to be grilled and the salad set to chill. Chad may have also baked some cupcakes and then baked some chocolate chip cookies because he was a tiny bit worried himself, but everything would be fine. They were fine. The pirates didn't have to like him, this was about getting them back together with Aziz.

What a good friend Chad accidentally was to them.

It was Gil that pushed out onto the patio first, dressed in a tan and gold swimsuit with a brown shirt unbuttoned to reveal his toned chest, his hair pulled back in a low pony as he took in the view with a wide grin. "Oh, wow," he said, staring at Chad's wall garden. "This is all yours?"

"For rent," Chad said when it became obvious that Aziz was shyly frozen, which wasn't helped much by the arrival of Uma in a teal swimsuit with matching wrap skirt that made her look like a goddess of the sea, Harry scowling next to her in black swim trunks and a red, sleeveless hoody. "We mostly have this much space for security reasons – easier to keep track of one floor rather than one apartment among many."

"Neat," Gil said, drawing closer to his flowers. "You wall is very pretty."

"Thank you," Chad said, feeling his cheeks heat with a light flush. "I planted those myself."

Gil perked up with a blink. "You did?"

"Yeah," Chad said, gently feeling out the leaves of some of the hardier plants and motioning that it was okay for Gil to copy him. "My mom liked to garden, so I picked it up. It's a nice feeling, helping things grow."

"I couldn't imagine it," Gil replied honestly. "It would be really neat to grow food for us."

"Well, you're free to visit this garden any time," Chad said. "I usually tend to it Sunday mornings. You could join me sometime, if you'd like."

"Really?" Gil asked, grinning wide. "I'd like that, mister prince."

Chad felt his cheeks flush. "It's just Chad."

"I'm Gil!" the other blond chirped. "You know, I didn't think we'd meet any royalty besides King Ben and Evie, and now we're on a date with two princes, which is just like- wow."

"We're honored to spend time with you," Chad said, conscious of Uma and Harry eavesdropping nearby. "Why don't I introduce you to Aziz? Then you can see we're not really that special."

They got through introductions easily enough, though Harry spent his time glaring at everyone while Uma was mostly amused. Gil, of course, was enthusiastic about everything and didn't hesitate to show it. Eventually, this led to them getting in the pool, abandoning their cover ups on some of the loungers while they splashed about in the warm waters.

"You mind if I get a little more comfortable?" Uma asked Chad as he perched on the side of the pool, content to soak his feet.

"You mean change into your mer-form?" Chad asked. "You're more than welcome to."

Uma quirked a brow at him as though to challenge this, but then a bright teal light consumed her legs, growing out in a warm haze before it faded away to reveal her aqua tentacles.

Chad smiled at the sight, because this was when Uma felt the most free, when she felt closest to herself.

"Like them?" Uma asked, lifting one of her tentacles in a small wave.

"They're very pretty, if it's not too bold to say," Chad admitted, feeling his cheeks flood with warmth.

"I don't think it is," Uma hummed before reaching out towards him, one of the tentacles curling loosely around his waist in a sort of hug.

Chad grinned at it, letting his hands gently trace the glimmering scale patterns, admiring the way the light caught against them.

"Not scared?" Uma asked, the tentacle holding him a little bit tighter. "The way you ran out of that cabin, I thought you would be."

Chad tensed, feeling himself get drawn back to a completely different world, one that even a year's worth of distance couldn't quite dull the pain of.

"That was different," he said softly, staring down at the tentacle so he wouldn't have to look at Uma. "Audrey wasn't in control of herself, but you are, and I haven't given you a reason to hurt me."

"Don't think I'd do it just for the sake of it?" Uma prompted.

"No," Chad replied honestly. "I don't think Mal would like you as much if you would."

Uma considered this for a moment, the let out a low chuckle, backing away from the wall a few feet before her tentacle gently dragged Chad into the pool with her, curling him close to her chest.

He didn't fight it, mostly because it was hard for him to be afraid of Uma, even when he hadn't gone through the same bonding experiences as last time.

"Guess Eves wasn't joking when she said you were charming," Uma murmured, making Chad's face heat with an embarrassed flush.

"I'm just being factual," he insisted. "Any charm that may be a byproduct of that is entirely accidental."

At that, Uma threw her head back and laughed, earning a scowl from Harry, who seemed to have been reluctantly drawn into a conversation with Jay.

Uma followed the line of Chad's concerned gaze. "None of that, now," she tutted, making Harry bristle. "We're here to have a good time."

"Ye don't think this is fucking weird?" Harry spat. "How did Jay get with two princes? And I thought the blond was entirely devoted to that pink nutjob."

"We um- broke up," Chad said, his hands curling a bit tighter against Uma's tentacle. "She wasn't very nice to me."

"Never leave me, Chad," Audrey had murmured in his ear during the celebration of the barrier. "I can leave you; I can go where I please, but don't you ever leave me."

"Of course," Chad had said, reading the desperate possessiveness as something it would never be. "You'll always have me, Audrey."

He'd thought her tendencies to chase after others was a romantic test of his devotion, but truly, he had only ever been a reliable substitute for Audrey. Someone she knew would not fail her.

It had never been even, and it took him a while to see that.

Chad shook his head, trying to get back to the present. "And Jay and Aziz flirted during school," he continued. "But Aziz was too afraid to come out as bi-"

"I wasn't afraid," Aziz interrupted with a bluster. "I just maybe didn't think it was entirely necessary. I had Lonnie."

"And now you have us," Jay said before turning his attention back to Harry. "Look, if you're going to be weird about this-"

"I have every right to be weird," Harry snapped. "What the fuck would those two see in us? I literally laughed at the blond guy when he was terrified out of his mind."

"I mean, it was kind of funny," Chad offered. "And I know you didn't mean any harm by it. Jay already told us how nice you are."

"Nice?" Harry growled, aiming this look at a flushed Jay, because maybe the Agraben hadn't actually told Chad that. "Ye told them I was fucking nice?"

"You are nice, Harry," Uma declared with a roll of her eyes. "And you deserve nice things."

"Fuck off," Harry snapped, using an aggressiveness towards Uma Chad had never seen before. "Only happenstance has me slated as a hero of Auradon or what the fuck ever-"

"If Gil's a hero, you're a hero," Uma interrupted, her voice firm. "Why are you having trouble coming to terms with that?"

"He's really missed you in the year you've been gone, Uma," Gil said. "I think he's afraid of you going away again – that's why he's been all snappy and mean."

"Gil," Harry snarled, baring his teeth with an angry flush.

"He wouldn't even let me cuddle with him," Gil continued, unperturbed. "And I know he had nightmares-"

"I had to be the captain," Harry snapped. "I had to be separate-"

"Bullshit, Harry," Uma hissed. "You just didn't want them spreading rumors that you were a fag, as though who you sleep with could make you weak."

"Ye weren't fucking there, now were ye?" Harry snarled. "What right do ye have to judge me?"

"I have one when it hurts Gil," Uma said. "When it hurts me. You've been pushing us away for weeks now-"

"Well, why shouldn't I?" Harry snapped. "We're in Auradon now, ye could have whoever the fuck ye want. Ye could have Jay and his two damn princes, or Mal and her king, and who the fuck are me and Gilly to hold ye back?"

"Is that what the problem is?" Uma asked, her voice low and guttural, almost inhuman. "You think I could pass you up, Harry? You think we could spend all those years together struggling to survive and I could somehow not be hopelessly in love with you and Gil?"

The words made Harry flinch, the first crack in his mask of anger. "Don't say that," he rasped. "Ye can do better than me."

"I will get who I want," Uma snarled. "And fuck you for trying to make that decision for me."

"You should show him," Chad offered quietly. "Both of you, I mean. We'll go inside, give you some privacy."

Uma canted a slow stare at him, her eyes shining a brilliant shade of aqua that took his breath away. "We'd appreciate that," she murmured, voice lyrical and sweet as one of her tentacles reached out towards Harry, curling around him and dragging him close over the first mate's protests.

The tentacle around Chad loosened at the same time, and he took that opportunity to swim away, climbing out of the pool and motioning for Jay and Aziz to do the same.

"Uma," Harry whined, struggling weakly in her grasp, though it seemed to be more on principle than anything else, the first mate flushing when Gil was dragged into the fray. "Ye can't-"

"I do as I will," Uma said. "And we're fucking tired of waiting for you. You love us, we love you, and we are going to fucking date."

"But right now," Gil said, blush darkening as Uma removed his hairband, letting his wet locks fall around his shoulders. "I think we're just going to fuck."

"A great suggestion, Gilly," Uma purred, and the last Chad heard before they went back inside was Harry's desperate moan.

-:-:-

For whatever reason, both Jay and Aziz nominated Chad to go check up on the pirates an hour later, despite the fact that Jay was supposedly better friends with them. Chad, ever the diplomat, resigned himself to their request, cautiously stepping back onto the patio to find Gil and Harry curled up naked together on one of the sun lounges, Uma bobbing in the pool with a satisfied look on her face, still very much in her mer-form.

Chad made a pointed effort not to look over her two crewmates despite them both being very good looking. "We were thinking about ordering pizza," he informed her. "I was going to make dinner, but Jay said that enthusiastic trysts were best rewarded with pizza, and honestly, I can't see the fault in that logic."

"Pizza sounds good," Uma purred. "All the vegetables and meats, please."

"You got it," Chad said, giving her a two fingered salute. "Is there anything else I can get you guys? I prepared special lemonade."

Uma considered briefly. "I am thirsty."

He passed off a large glass to one of her smaller tentacles and left glasses for Gil and Harry on the table next to them.

"Pizza should be here in about half an hour," Chad said. "We'll bring it out then."

"Thank you," Uma hummed around the rim of her cup, seeming more relaxed than he'd ever seen her – at least, here.

-:-:-

They ate pizza out on the patio. Chad brought Uma a plate and a new glass of lemonade so she could stay in the pool while she ate, and Harry ended up cuddled in Gil's lap while he dined, though they were both back in their swim trunks at that point.

"I have decided I like you," Uma said when Chad lingered by the pool to keep her company, and the blond tried not to get overwhelmed with the easy happiness that came from such a statement, even though he was pretty sure he failed.

"Thank you," he said, tucking a stray curl behind his ear. "And um- if you like me, you'll like Aziz even more."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Uma said, looking over to where the prince was sitting next to Jay, a light flush dusting his cheeks every time he looked at Gil and Harry.

Ah, progress.

It didn't take long for night to fall upon them, and Chad was half considering starting up the fire pit when Gil yawned for what might have been the eighth time.

"You guys can stay the night, if you want," Chad offered. "We have more than enough space."

"Yeah?" Uma challenged, quirking a brow at him. "And whose bed would I be staying in?"

"Your own," Chad said with a flush. "We have a guest bedroom on the east side if you'd like more privacy."

While Uma was reluctant to leave the pool, the weary state of her boyfriends was enough to get her out, and soon Chad was guiding the lot of them down a private hallway to the far guest room.

"I left some toiletries and extra clothes and stuff in there for you guys just in case," Chad admitted. "There's all the hot water you want, and if you get hungry or thirsty, you can help yourself to anything in the kitchen." After a pause, he added, "Except the candy corn hidden behind the cookie jar. That is Aziz's, and he will fight you for it."

"Noted," Uma laughed, herding her boys into the bedroom. "Thanks for all this. I know it probably ended up being a shitty date for you guys."

"Not really," Chad said. "We're romantics at heart, I think. Helping you guys find your happily ever after – that's a pretty good date for us."

"Saps," Uma said with a roll of her eyes. "See you in the morning?"

"I'll make waffles," Chad chirped, awkwardly bidding her goodnight before he returned to where Jay and Aziz were cleaning things up in the kitchen.

"So," Jay said when he noted Chad's return. "That didn't turn out quite like I thought it would."

"It's a good step one," Chad said. "They're dating, now they just have to get settled before they can think of adding more people, and Aziz will have things in the bag."

"Right," Aziz said. "But until then, we should still date."

"Oh, totally," Chad agreed, making both of their shoulders slump in relief for some reason, like he'd forgotten the plan. "Come on, you were both very good boys today, I think I want to watch you make out in the bathtub."

"Light, Chad," Aziz groaned, burying his face in his hands. "You wreck me."

"And you like it," Chad sang, pressing a kiss to the prince's shoulder before reaching a hand out to Jay. "You ready, baby?"

"Always," Jay said, cheeks flushed and eyes half-lidded, and when he reached for Chad's hand, it was with nothing less than total enthusiasm.

-:-:-

Endnotes:

This version of Chad having all the confidence in the world because he had a stable trial run in the other universe and literally no one being prepared for it. It's the little things in life, really ;)

Story notes:

Literally googled 'pool party foods' to get Chad's suggested menu for their date.

I'm sure it will surprise none of you to find that idiots will be idiots with their idiot plans no matter what universe they're in. Com-mu-ni-cation, guys, just spell it out that you actually like Chad. It will be way faster than whatever shenanigans you're scheming up, you dinguses ;)

WARNING – Homophobic Slur in the 3rd scene. Uma logically dissects Harry's behavior, mentioning that Harry was afraid people would consider him a slur, but it's not repeated nor used by hurtful parties.

Until next time