Warnings: Angst. Violence. Mentions of death & torture.

Bamby

DPOV

I sat in the passenger seat as Sam drove down the road. It was dark now. We'd been driving for a little while, having just come back from the funeral… Pamela's funeral.

"Ruby will meet us outside Cheyenne," Sam stated. "She's been tracking some leads." When I let out a grunt-like sigh, he looked over at me for a moment. "I know she's not exactly on your Christmas list, but if she can help us get to Lilith-"

I cut him off, "Hey, man, work with Ruby, don't. I don't really give a rat's ass."

He frowned, glancing at me again. "What's your problem?"

"Pamela didn't want anything to do with this and we dragged her back into it, Sam."

"She knew what was at stake."

"Oh, yeah." I nodded, though my agitation was only growing. "Saving the world. And we're doing such a damn good job of it."

"Dean-"

Cutting him off again, I snapped a little, "I'm tired of burying friends, Sam."

"Look, we catch a fresh trail…"

"And we follow it, I know," I finished for him. "Like I said, I'm just… I'm just getting tired."

"Well, get angry."

SPOV

"Ah, home crappy home," Dean sighed.

I unlocked the hotel room door, stepping in before Dean followed me. He let out a sigh as he placed his bag on one of the seats at the table while I pulled the key out of the door and turned the light on.

As the lights turned on, we found ourselves looking at both Uriel and Castiel as they stood further in the room. It was obvious that they'd been waiting for us.

"Winchester and Winchester." Uriel looked to both Dean and I.

Dean let out an annoyed groan. "Oh, come on."

Uriel turned his attention to my brother. "You are needed."

"Needed? We just got back from needed." Dean snapped, pushing a button he probably shouldn't be pushing.

I did say to get angry…

"Now, you mind your tone with me," Uriel warned.

Shaking his head, Dean took a few steps closer to the angel, letting his anger and annoyance grow. "No, you mind your damn tone with us."

"We just got back from Pamela's funeral," I explained.

"Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela?" Dean elaborated. "You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!"

"We raised you out of hell for our purposes," was Uriel's only response.

"Yeah, what were those again? What exactly did you want from me?"

"Start with gratitude."

"Oh," Dean scoffed.

Seeing that things weren't going to get better between Uriel and Dean, Castiel finally step forward and spoke up. "Dean, we know this is difficult to understand."

"And we…" Uriel turned to give the other angel a look, a look neither Dean or I missed, "don't care." He looked to Dean again. "Now, seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight."

This calmed Dean a little. "Demons?" he asked, earning a short shrug from Uriel. "How they doing it?"

"We don't know," Uriel admitted.

I frowned, not understanding where Dean and I came into the scenario. "I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?"

"We can handle the demons, thank you very much," Uriel assured us.

"Once we find whoever it is," Castiel added.

Dean suddenly seemed to understand where they were coming from. "So, you need our help hunting a demon?"

"Not quite." Castiel stepped forward so he was next to Uriel. "We have Alastair."

"Great. He should be able to name your trigger man," Dean noted simply.

"But he won't talk," Castiel explained. "Alastair's will is very strong. We've arrived at an impasse."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league."

"That's why we've come to his student." Uriel spoke up again, looking directly and only at Dean. "You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got."

"Dean, you are our best hope." That was the closest Castiel would ever get to begging.

"No." Dean shook his head. "No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas. Not this."

Patience gone, Uriel stepped up to Dean. "Who said anything about asking?" He pressed two fingers to my brother's head, and suddenly they were all gone.

"Damn it!"

DPOV

Uriel and Castiel had brought me to an abandoned building, where I now stood in front of a door with a small and murky window on it. Looking through, I could see Alastair chained to a hexacle, in a devil's trap I'd never seen before…

"This devil's trap is old Enochian," Castiel explained. "He's bound completely."

I took a moment longer to look at Alastair, thinking things over as I realised they were being one hundred percent honest. They wanted me to go in there and torture the truth out of him… But did they not know what that would do to me? Did they not see how much I was already struggling? Going in there now, it would irreversibly change me.

"Fascinating." Turning sharping, I walked away. "Where's the door?"

"Where are you going?" Castiel asked without watching me go.

"Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much," I called over my shoulder as I walked past Uriel, only to come to a stop as he then appeared in front of me, blocking my path.

"Angels are dying, boy," Uriel noted from where he stood mere steps away from me, his hands tucked into the pockets of the suit he always wore.

"Everybody's dying these days," I sneered. "And hey, I get it. You're all-powerful. You can make me do whatever you want." I gave a little grin for a moment before letting it drop as I looked over to Castiel. "But you can't make me do this."

Turning to finally look at me, Castiel spoke as he moved to stand with Uriel and I. "This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it."

I watched him for a moment longer, seeing the desperation in his eyes, despite the regular emotionless mask sitting on his face. It was then that I realised how much they needed this. How badly things must be if they were willing to make me do whatever it takes to break Alastair…

Taking a deep breath, I turned to Uriel again. "I want to talk to Cas alone."

He looked from me, to Castiel and then back to me. "I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders."

I gave a short nod. "Well, get some donuts while you're out."

Uriel laughed, actually amused. "Ah, this one just won't quit, will he? I think I'm starting to like you, boy," with that, he was then gone.

The moment we were alone, I stepped up to Castiel. "You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby," I joked, getting no reaction from him. "You know, I'm starting to think junk-less has a better sense of humour than you do."

"Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone."

Shaking my head, I got to the point. "What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?"

"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies."

"Your sympathies?"

"I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment," he explained.

Walking around him so I was closer and facing the door to where Alastair was held, I went on. "Well, tell Uriel, or whoever… you do not want me doing this, trust me."

"Want it? No. But I have been told we need it."

"You ask me to open that door and walk through it… you will not like what walks back out."

"For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this."

I closed my eyes, thinking about the options I had, but really there were none. I either go in there willingly, or they drag me in. I wasn't leaving this place until the job was done. Until I'd dug the information out of Alastair, and then dug a little more. They would milk this opportunity until there was nothing left, and I had no say in the matter… but that doesn't mean I'd can't get something out of it.

Opening my eyes, I turned to him again. "Fine. But you have to do something for me."

"Dean-"

Before he could argue, I cut him off, giving my demands, "You let Sam know I'm fine. We left him there, and I know he'll be worried about me." I could practically feel the concern from here. "And I want you to tell me where Liz is. Tessa said you were keeping something from me."

He frowned. "Elizabeth?"

"Yeah, you know. Blonde hair, blue eyes. About this tall." I levelled my hand to my chest. "Small body, big attitude. Moves things with her mind."

His frown simply grew as he watched me for a moment longer before something seemed to click. But even then, he didn't tell me what I wanted to know. "It's not my place to-"

Before he could finish his sentence, I stepped forward, getting in his personal space. I didn't care that he was a powerful angel, or that could wipe my off the face of the Earth in the blink of an eye. All that mattered to me at that moment, was finding out where Liz was, and making sure she was okay.

"I don't care what your douche bag bosses say. Tell me what you're hiding," I demanded.

He looked into my eyes, a stern look on his face as he contemplated his options before he finally spoke, giving me what I wanted. "Elizabeth… Tristan, her boyfriend… he isn't who he says he is."

I froze. "What's that supposed to mean?" When he stayed silent, I took yet another step towards him, with tense shoulders and clenched fists. "What are you talking about, Castiel?"

"He isn't a hunter… we don't know what he is."

EPOV

I woke up in pain, but strangle enough I was in less pain now than I'd been in for days. Looking down at my blood-soaked shirt, I lifted it enough to see the fresh scar on my stomach. After the last time I'd died, when Tristan had saved me, I figured out that even though I come back and the wound heals, a scar always remains…

Great. Just another to add to the ever-growing list. I groaned as I sat up a little more, looking around.

I was still in Tristan's cabin, still lying on the couch in the living room. It was dark out. I had no idea how long I'd been unconscious… or well, dead. I had no idea where Tristan was, or where anyone was really, and I had no way of getting out of here.

Actually…

An idea formed in my head, but I instantly regretted it. Asking them for help was the last thing I wanted to do. Besides, I was pretty sure none of the would come to help me anyway. I mean, I'm not Dean, I'm not important. I'm just the Winchester's tag-along…

But there was nothing else I could do. I had no reception, no car. I was in too much pain to walk to the main road and even if I did there was still little chance that someone might actually pick me up. It looked like, if I wanted to get out of here, I was going to have to speak up and ask.

"Here goes nothing." I took a deep breath as I brought my hands together, closed my eyes, and began to pray. "Look, I know I'm not your favourite person right now… or ever… but I need help. I know I've done wrong. I know there are things that you wish I wouldn't have done, and I'm sorry for it all. I didn't know what was happening to me. I didn't realise. I had no control. So, please. Please, help me."

Opening one eye, I looked around and waited for a moment, but nothing happened. Not even the wind stirred.

DPOV

I was raging, which I guess is a good thing seeing as I was about to torture Alastair himself. But I wasn't really thinking about that as I wheeled a cart into the room where the demon was held. No, instead I couldn't stop wondering.

Wondering why Castiel hadn't said something sooner. Wondering if Liz knew Tristan was lying. Wondering how I hadn't seen it earlier. Wondering what he might be. Wondering if he'd hurt her. Wonder where she might be. Wondering if she was even alive. Wondering if I would ever see her again. I just couldn't stop wonder…

"Heaven, I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak," Alastair began to sing and attempt to dance where he was chained as he watched me enter, a grin on his face. "I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek…"

Stopping the cart just outside the devil's trap, I then pulled the cloth off it, revealing an assortment of torture implements. Alastair began to laugh lightly as I continued to ignore him, still raging.

"I'm sorry." He tried to settle himself. "This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn't laugh, it's just that… I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me?"

Turning away from the cart, I moved to stand in front of him, just a step or two away. "You got one chance. One. Tell me who's killing the angels. I want a name."

"You think I'll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?"

"Oh, you'll spill your guts, one way or another. I just didn't wanna ruin my shoes."

He looked down at my shoes. "Oh, yeah."

"Now answer the question."

"Or what? You'll work me over? But then, maybe you don't want to. Maybe you're, uh, scared to."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let's see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we?"

"You're gonna be disappointed," I told him, turning away and moving back to the cart, before I began to get everything ready.

"You have not disappointed me so far. Come on. You gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you. For all the pokes and prods. Hm?" he asked, getting nothing from me. "No? Um… how about for all the things I did to your daddy?"

SPOV

As soon as I opened the hotel room door, Ruby walked in. "I can still smell them." She turned her face up as she walked to the middle of the room before looking back at me. "Seriously, Sam, I'm not exactly dying to tangle with angels again."

"I need you to find out where they took Dean," I explained as I closed the door.

"Not sure I see the problem. You know they have Alastair strung up six ways from Sunday," she noted, putting her bag down on the table. "Dean cuts himself a slice, Al's reduced to a quivering heap, and the good guys get the goods. What's wrong with that?"

"He can't do it."

She rolled her eyes. "Look, I get it. You don't want him going all torture master again."

"No. I mean, he can't do it. He can't get the job done," I told her. "Something happened to him downstairs, Ruby. He's not what he used to be. He's not strong enough."

"And you are?"

"I will be."

DPOV

"I had your pop on my rack for close to a century," Alastair explained, trying to push my buttons. But I wasn't going to let it work. I had a job to do.

"You can't stall forever."

"John Winchester." He just kept on going. "Made a good name for himself. A hundred years. After each session, I'd make him the same offer I made you. I'd put down my blade if he picked one up."

"Just give me the demon's name, Alastair."

Ignoring me, he went on. "But he said nein each and every time. Oh, damned if I couldn't break him." As I tugged my leather jacket off, he sighed. "Pulled out all the stops, but John, he was, well, made of something unique. The stuff of heroes. And then came Dean. Dean Winchester. I thought I was up against it again."

Grabbing one of the bottles from the table, I took a drink, needing the burn of the strong alcohol to keep me going, to get me going.

"But daddy's little girl, he broke. He broke in thirty. Oh, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean?" he chuckled lightly. "Now… Now we're getting somewhere." I grabbed a metal bowl and poured some water from a large bottle that had a rosary in it, into the bowl. "Holy water?" he groaned. "Come on. Grasshopper, you're gonna have to get creative to impress me."

I looked up then, turning to him. "You know something, Alastair? I could still dream. Even in hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment." he began to look nervous as I picked the needle up. "And believe me, I got a few ideas." I filled the needle with some of the holy water, before lifting the needle and spraying some out. Walking over to Alastair, I stopped a step away, lifting the needle so he could see it. "Let's get started."

SPOV

I stood by Ruby by the hotel room table as she held a candle to a corner of the map on the table, chanting something I'd never heard before. I watched as the flame spread across the maps edges and grow… I suddenly wasn't feeling too good about this plan.

"Relax. The fire is our friend," Ruby assured me. "Besides, the only part of the map we need is the 'where's Dean?' part," she explained, looked up at me with her black eyes before she turned to the map. "Out," she ordered.

Just like that, the flames vanished, leaving the map charred to the point where everything was unreadable, except for a small circle in the middle. That part appeared to be completely untouched by the fire.

"There." Ruby gestured to the only part of the map remain, her eyes now back to normal. "Your brother's there." Walking around the table, she moved to lean against the bench. "It's a good thing angels aren't concerned with hiding their dirty business. Not used to being spied on." Shrugging she turned to give me a small smirk. "I mean, who'd be stupid enough to try?"

Her words made me think about what I was actually doing, and if I could. I knew I was getting stronger lately, but was I strong enough now? Could I really go in there, and get what we needed from Alastair? Was I ready for that?

No. But I would be. As soon as I had what I needed.

"Ruby, it's been weeks." I turned to her. "I need it."

"You don't seem too happy about it," she noted.

"You think I wanna do this?" I asked, moving to sit on my bed. "This is the last thing I-" I took a deep breath. "But I need to be strong enough."

Walking over, she moved to straddle me, sitting on my lap as she looked down at me. "It's okay. It's okay, Sammy. You can have it." She pressed a kiss to my lips.

When she pulled away, I was surprised to see the knife already in her hand. Bring the blade to her arm, she cut herself, letting the wound bleed as I watched. Once the knife moved away from her, I leaned in, pressing my lips to the cut, drinking her blood.

It felt different every time. It felt better. I felt stronger. This is exactly what I needed. Now, there was no stopping me.

"It's okay, Sam," Ruby assured me as she stroked my hair.

Bamby