Thirty Two

When she first woke up after the sedatives wore off she wasn't sure what to expect. She'd heard voices echoing in the distance, telling her she was no longer in the warehouse. Everything was still a blur when she finally did wake up. She was acutely aware of the machines that were strapped to her arms and chest.

It reminded her of the time they'd tried putting her under in the warehouse. Those men had done things to her that she wouldn't wish upon anyone. She knew they were trying to rewire her brain. Though they were not aware that she understood the language they were speaking in, she recognized it as Russian. They had been trying to turn her into a weapon.

The thought that such a thing could occur left her body shaking with rage. She could still remember what that man at the facility told her. His words lingered in the back of her mind, sending another painful reminder that he was probably right. Her heart was filled with bitter resentment as she thought of everything she had lost.

She doubted McCoy would be in any hurry to face her again after that incident in the ICU. He hadn't responded to any of her messages since that fateful morning, and truthfully, she couldn't blame him. She knew what happened between them had likely terrified him to the core. He sure as hell wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, and he certainly wasn't ready to deal with someone who had the kind of problems she had.

Her hands balled into fists when she studied her reflection for the first time since she woke up. The woman standing in front of her was barely recognizable. Her hair had been shaved when she was found because of the burn marks and cuts covering her scalp. She hadn't realized until then what that meant. And the more she thought about it, the more she began to understand why McCoy had left her.

Who could love a monster like me? she wondered angrily.

As she walked down the halls leading to a simulator room, people walking past gave her looks of pity or horror. Emily clenched her jaw and did her best to ignore the stares that followed. Tony had promised her that he would work on updating the suit he'd designed for her. She knew he was busy enough with his company and everything else to focus on someone as insignificant as herself. And the thought of losing everyone she cared for sent a shiver of rage through her.

She tried pushing down the rage burning within her as she reached the programming room. Emotions had become more of a problem since she woke up. She wasn't the first to notice that she began losing control more often as a result of what happened.

Those men had done something to her system that left her emotions going haywire whenever something went wrong. She hadn't said anything to the people who cared about her, and she sure as hell made no plans to. The last thing she wanted or needed was for people to start questioning whether she was sane or not.

Emily let out a sigh of frustration as she tossed another enemy over her shoulder. One had tried gaining the upper hand by grabbing hold of her from behind, but her reflexes kicked in. Her muscles were working overtime as she struggled to keep up with the enemies that kept approaching. The sound of phasers piercing the air was enough to send shivers through her.

She was reminded of the incident where she had been taken. They had been badly outnumbered and outgunned, but at the end of the day, she'd given herself up to buy the team enough time to escape. The plan had worked, but as a result she was captured and taken to some warehouse.

She knew in the back of her mind that those men would not have given her up so easily if Coulson's team hadn't found her. A small part of her almost wished they hadn't found her alive. Emily was becoming increasingly aware of her growing anger as she took down one enemy after the other. She couldn't bring herself to suppress those thoughts of killing the men responsible for putting her in that position.

A hand suddenly grabbed her shoulder once again, only this time she grabbed hold of their hand and threw them into another group of enemies. The impact was enough to send them all flying into the wall, causing the simulation to flicker. Emily rolled her eyes when another went charging in her direction, attempting an assault from the side. She'd quickly learned not to show how vulnerable she really was. That had been her first mistake.

The moment she calculated their approach was when they were kicked in the ribs and knocked out. She was ready to slam a fist into another when a cough sounded from behind. Emily whirled around in time to see Natasha leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. The redhead's expression was unreadable, but Emily didn't miss the fact that she had been watching her for some time.

"You're going to wear yourself out if you keep this up," she said dryly. "You were only just recently released from the ICU. I doubt the nurses or doctors who treated your injuries would thank you for opening them up again."

"Sitting around all day and wallowing in self-pity isn't going to get me anywhere," Emily retorted without missing a beat. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion as the redhead merely tilted her head to one side. After the way Natasha had given up on her so easily, Emily wasn't in any hurry to trust her so openly. Another enemy tried running up from behind, only for her to twist around and snap their neck. She hadn't missed the fact that Natasha was analyzing her. While she seemed physically fine, her mental health was another concern that needed to be addressed. "I've got bigger things to worry about than being holed up in the facility for this long."

"I never pegged you as the type to become an assassin; you seem too soft and cautious for the job," Natasha quipped with what sounded like a snort of amusement. Emily rose an eyebrow in surprise. She'd never seen the redhead reveal any emotion. Natasha always seem to wear a mask whenever they were sparring together. About the only time she'd ever snapped was when Emily had tested her limits, and that had ended in disaster. The only time she had ever been truly terrified of Natasha was when she was almost successful in killing her out of rage. "Something tells me this is about more than just pushing yourself."

"I want to go after those men," she announced, though her voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. Natasha heard her loud and clear. The redhead just looked at her as if she'd grown wings. "Look, I wouldn't wish what those bastards did to me on anyone… they tried wiping me clean. They wanted to turn me into a weapon. If it wasn't for the connection I have with Leonard…"

She squeezed her eyes shut, aware of the sudden tension filling the room when she mentioned McCoy. She'd never told him that he was the reason they hadn't taken control of her. She knew that would have likely pissed him off even more than he already was.

He didn't need to tell her that he was pissed with the idea of having some kind of telepathic bond. The notion sounded crazy when she said it out loud, and she suddenly found herself wishing she hadn't told him in the first place. Having such abilities made her that much more complicated. She suddenly understood why so many mutants had struggled to fit in with society.

Now he's never going to look at me the same, she thought bitterly.

It was bad enough this mess happened in the first place. Now she had a feeling that McCoy would never accept her for who she was. She desperately wished she could turn back the clock and make things right again. Anything was better than living in a world where she was covered in scars and dealing with the trauma of what happened.

"Once you go down that path, there's no turning back," Natasha warned her when she glanced at the blond warily. She didn't bother trying to figure out what Emily meant by her connection. She was more determined than ever to stop those men from committing other crimes against those with powers. "I of all people know what it's like to go down that kind of path, and something tells me you're not that type of person."

"Then you obviously don't know me very well."

Emily offered a weak smile, knowing full-well that was true. Natasha had only known about her past thanks to looking up the files SHIELD collected on her. She didn't know the real version of her past or what she was capable of. If it hadn't been for the training Maria put her through, she wouldn't be where she was today.

She planned on going through with her hunt, regardless of whether Natasha helped her or not. And the redhead finally saw no other way out when she realized Emily would go out of her way to break the rules.

.

.

"And you're absolutely sure the lines are secure?" Emily double checked after pulling her stealth suit on.

It hadn't taken long for Natasha to find the location of the men responsible for her torture. Though she had been blindfolded for most of the time, the men had the audacity to release the blindfold whenever they wanted to have their way with her. A shudder swept through her as she recalled their hands roaming her body. It had taken every ounce of willpower not to tell McCoy about that part of her time in the warehouse. She knew he would have likely freaked if he'd found out the truth. At least, at the time he would have. Now she wasn't sure if he would react any differently.

She tried pushing the uneasy thoughts aside as she studied her reflection.

She was taken aback by how much she had changed from the short time she recovered. Her body was now covered in scars that would never heal. So she'd chosen a suit that would help blend in with the shadows. The suit itself was the very same suit that Tony designed for her a couple of years ago. She would always be grateful for the suit, because it hid her scars and she could alter the way it looked. The latex material was unlike anything she'd ever seen before, and that in itself was an impressive feat.

"They're secure and ready to go," Natasha replied once she checked the system. "Remember to keep an eye out for the men on your list – they won't hesitate to kill you if they know who you are."

Emily grimaced at her warning. She was all-too-aware of the fact that those men would go out of their way to kill her. Or worse, take her back to the warehouse. The operation might have been shut down, but that didn't mean those men weren't above following orders once again. She had to work quickly before they could gain the upper hand. Once all was said and done, they wouldn't hurt another soul.

So that was how she spent the next few months. The men had become her primary mission for nearly three months. Coulson would get into contact with her every now and then, and so would McCoy. But for the most part, she'd ignored the world around her as she went on her hunt. The men in question didn't stand a chance. She'd chosen her targets carefully, making sure she saved the leader for last. She wanted him to know that he wasn't going to get away with what happened to her.

Unfortunately, her hunt was cut short when an urgent message was sent to her. Dread swept through her when she realized that his father had been sent to the hospital. Emily's heart sank at the thought. She knew he had been the one to help the other nurses and doctors when she was taken into the ICU. He was the one who made sure that none of them had seen her vitals or the fact that she'd caused the power to fluctuate.

It was with that notion that she finally cut the hunt short. She had to change and find an excuse as to why she had been gone for so long. A shiver swept through her as she wondered how much Coulson knew. He was likely aware that she'd taken on her own mission, without the agency's knowledge. It was only thanks to Natasha that she had been able to pull off that stunt in the first place.

She couldn't help but flinch when she reached the hospital where McCoy's father was being held. McCoy himself had already gone through the first hurtle of med school. He had another two years of courses to go through along with another four years of getting his doctorate, but at least the worst of it was behind him. Still, she knew he would be under a lot of stress knowing his father was in the hospital.

That left her feeling guiltier than ever. She knew she should have been there for him when he needed her the most, but she had been fighting her own battles. Then there was also the fact that he had ignored her for the first few months after she was released from the ICU. She was still incredibly bitter over that notion, especially since he'd always promised that he would be there for her. Yet that didn't stop her from feeling guilty knowing that he'd been through what he went through.

He deserves better, she silently told herself.

"Emily." Emily glanced at Hannah in surprise when she reached her. She wasn't given the chance to protest when the older woman suddenly pulled her into a warm embrace. It had been nearly a year since they last saw one another. She knew she probably looked like a mess now, especially in light of recent events. Though the woman's eyes widened in disbelief when she got a better look at her. Emily suddenly shifted with unease as she noticed those eyes staring at her with something other than shock. "Lennie told me what happened to you… I'm so sorry."

"It isn't your fault, Hannah," Emily reassured her with a light squeeze. She suddenly felt guilty for not being there sooner, especially when she caught the look Hannah was giving her. "I'm sorry to hear about David… Papa said that it happened without warning."

Hannah sniffled as they pulled apart, and Emily offered her a much needed tissue, which she took gratefully.

"He was working out in the field when he suddenly collapsed from what I assumed was heat exhaustion," Hannah explained as they headed for the room he was being held in, "But when I brought him to the hospital, they said it was a virus they'd never even heard of. There isn't a cure for the virus, and it's wiped him out to the point where he can't even move."

Emily swallowed hard when she realized what Hannah was implying. McCoy's father had always seemed so much stronger than he was. He'd been there for them when they were kids, always finding ways to keep them together as friends. The more she thought about it, the guiltier she felt for leaving them behind when they needed a friend the most. It wasn't until seeing McCoy himself that her heart sank even further. McCoy suddenly turned to face her, his normally bright eyes dark with worry.

She didn't bother giving him the chance to protest when she suddenly gave him a much needed hug. McCoy returned the gesture, not bothering to hide how difficult this was for him. She knew how close he was with his father. He'd always looked up to him, constantly feeling the need to follow in his father's footsteps. She of all people understood what it was like to be in that position. Neither of them said a word as they arrived in the room where his father was being held.

From there, Emily could see that Hannah was right. His father was deteriorating quickly. His normally tan skin had turned pale almost overnight. His eyes were half-closed as if he was in a daze, though it was clear he was alert of his surroundings. Emily shared a look of unease with McCoy, not missing how much this had hit him.

"I'm not gonna stop looking for a cure for whatever this is," McCoy reassured him when his father finally looked at him. It was heart-wrenching to watch. Emily swallowed hard once again as his father glanced at her as well. She hadn't left McCoy's side since she arrived. She wasn't planning on it until she knew he was ready. "I know there's something out there just waiting to be discovered."

"Don't go beating yourself up over something you can't control, Leo," his father warned him. Emily rose an eyebrow in surprise when she noticed how shaken his voice was. Though he had enough strength to suddenly take hold of McCoy's hand and give it a squeeze. "You have your whole life ahead of you, and I'm not just talking about med school."

He suddenly glanced in Emily's direction, and her heart nearly skipped a beat as she realized what he was implying. Not for the first time, she thought back to when they had been planning wedding dates. That suddenly felt like a lifetime ago. Once again, guilt stabbed her in the chest as she thought of Clint and the family he was slowly building. She wondered for a brief moment if such a thing was possible for them. McCoy followed his father's gaze, and Emily suddenly felt frozen on the spot when she felt their eyes land on her.

"I wanted you to be there," McCoy admitted, his voice thick with grief. Emily rubbed the back of her arm with unease. She suddenly felt more out of place than ever as she realized what they were talking about. "You and Ma should be there together."

"I'm not dying today."

There was a hint of humor in his voice, causing Emily to raise an eyebrow in surprise once more. She knew this was his father's way of trying to lighten the somber mood. It was bad enough they were in the room to begin with… all it did was remind her of what had happened to her. But she couldn't leave McCoy behind, or his family for that matter.

Even if that's what he did to me, she thought bitterly.

She wouldn't dare say that out loud. Not with everyone present. A small part of her wanted McCoy to be more open and admit that they hadn't been talking for months now. But Emily knew it wouldn't come to that. McCoy was worried over what his parents would say, and she couldn't blame him for feeling that way.

"I'll have a word with him," Hannah reassured McCoy when his father finally let go of his hand.

A lump formed in the back of Emily's throat as she gently guided McCoy out of the room. She could feel the shock rolling off of him in waves. Those words were a heavy burden for anyone to care, let alone those in their position. Emily tried pushing the uneasy feelings aside as she continued staring at nothing in particular.

"He's right, you know," she suddenly pointed out. McCoy glanced at her in surprise as she leaned against the wall and narrowed her eyes. She suddenly found herself wondering if it was the right time to bring up such a topic. But she also knew that there was never a good enough time, especially in conditions like these. "We've talked about this before, but we never went any further after that night in Vegas. I know neither of us said we were ready for that step, but…"

"You really think we are?" he asked skeptically.

No, a small voice argued with her. She quickly pushed the thought away.

"Leonard, I don't think we'd ever be ready if we continued pushing it off," she admitted guiltily. "I know you're worried about finishing med school, but I wouldn't mind if you had to focus on your studies. I've heard plenty of couples who get married while they're still working towards their careers."

McCoy's brows furrowed together in surprise when he realized what she was implying. It wasn't as if anyone would be surprised if he suddenly proposed to her. He let out a sigh and suddenly reached for something in his pocket. Emily rose an eyebrow when he pulled the object out, revealing what appeared to be a ring.

"I think it's safe to say whatever we had in the past is long-gone, Emily," he finally deadpanned. Emily stiffened when she realized what he was implying. Though she tried to hide her emotions, she slipped up just a little by narrowing her eyes. Nothing could have prepared her for the moment her heart was nearly shattered by those words. "We're both at different points in our lives, and I think you care more about your job at the agency than you do about me or my family."

Those words cut through her like a knife. Emily wasn't sure what was worse. The feeling of being stabbed in the heart by someone she used to trust, or the fact that she had been bracing herself for that kind of response. Her hands balled into fists as she struggled to keep herself from snapping at him.

She'd known things weren't okay between them from the moment he started ignoring her messages. He might have been fooling himself as much as he could, but she knew that he was the one who focused more on his work than anything else. The only reason she began working more was to distract herself from the pain of losing him.

"I don't know what is worse," she muttered through clenched teeth, "The fact that she was right, or the fact that I trusted you in the first place."

McCoy only flinched when she swore at him in several languages, refusing to do so in Standard with his parents close by. The only thing holding her back from doing so was the fact that they were nearby. She wasn't in any hurry for them to know the type of people she had been hanging out with.

She finally let out a huff of breath and whirled around on him, ignoring the stinging pain in her chest. What made it worse was the fact that everything he told her was a lie. She used to think that maybe, just maybe, she could have a happy ending and a life to be proud of. Now she knew better. She knew she was forever destined to be alone and miserable for the rest of her life. All because McCoy couldn't bring himself to love a monster.