Nineteen

It took a few minutes for the shock of what happened to register in her brain. Emily struggled to get back to her feet as she heard panicked shouts in the background. Her head spun from the bickering earlier, and she was certain the headache was the least of her worries. When she tried standing again, she grimaced from the sudden pain that seared through her legs. She looked down in time to see fresh blood oozing from an injury left by the shrapnel that flew towards her.

Great, as if I don't have enough to worry about, she nearly rolled her eyes.

She steadied herself and tried to maintain her balance as the Hellicarrier shook once again. As she tried getting her bearings, she noticed she was outside the labs after crashing through the window from the force of the explosion. She was lucky she only sustained a few injuries. Pieces of glass had cut across her uniform and skin, creating clean cuts that were left bleeding until she got them taken care of. Though for now, she needed to focus on the task ahead.

A lump formed in the back of her throat as she guessed what had caused said explosion. Only a few agents knew where the Hellicarrier would be hiding. More importantly, only one agent knew the Hellicarrier's weak-points. She knew Clint would be on board under Loki's control, and if that was the case, he would make a dangerous enemy. He'd surpassed all of his training for a reason. As someone who was considered a master assassin, she was well-aware of how dangerous he could be.

Figures that Loki would take advantage of our greatest assets, she thought bitterly.

The only consolation Emily had at that point was that Loki didn't try putting her under his control. She could only imagine what he would have done with her had that been the case. The thought sent a shiver of unease through her. Being controlled was one of her biggest fears, along with being trapped in small spaces. She'd never admitted it out loud – McCoy was the only one who knew about her fear of being trapped.

He never knew what those men really did to her all those years ago, and that was the last thing she wanted him to know. He was probably aware of that phobia she had after dealing with her for so many years. As a doctor it was his job to check for symptoms like phobias, and he was the first to notice that something about her behavior was off.

"Em, are you alright?" Steve's worried voice suddenly cut through her thoughts as her com went off.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied through gritted teeth.

'Leonard, are you and Jim okay?' she suddenly opened their mental link, knowing full-well it was the only way to make sure they were safe.

Please let Kirk and Leonard be okay, she silently prayed.

If anything happened to either of them, she would never forgive herself. Neither had deserved to be dragged into this mess in the first place, and she'd promised McCoy that nothing crazy would happen. Though, he knew what he was getting himself into when she explained the situation prior to the attack. His understanding of the situation was what surprised her the most. Sometimes, she wished McCoy would act a little more like Kirk and be angry with her for putting them in this mess.

'Yeah, we're fine,' came McCoy's gruff response seconds later. She almost smirked in amusement when she realized that he wasn't even phased with the fact that she was speaking to him mentally. It helped knowing that she had prepared him for whatever might happen if she opened the link between them. At least now she knew the truth. 'What the hell is going on?'

'If I had to guess, the Hellicarrier is under attack,' she replied without missing a beat. 'Clint knows all of the weak spots on the ship, and if Loki has him under his control, then it's likely he's using him as a ploy to ambush us.'

Her teeth ground together at the thought of Clint being under Loki's control. She had a feeling that the archer was never going to live this moment down when he recovered. She refused to allow herself the moment of figuring out whether or not he would survive this mess. The last thing she wanted was to believe that killing him was the only answer.

'You're throwing yourself into this mess, aren't you?' McCoy asked in a voice filled with tension.

She nearly rolled her eyes in exasperation as she guessed where he was headed at with that accusation. McCoy knew her well enough to know that she wasn't going to back down from a challenge. The agency was everything to her. Keeping these people safe meant she was willing to make sacrifices that those outside of the agency weren't.

'You of all people should know by now that this is what I signed up for, Leonard,' she reminded him. 'I'm not going to sit back and allow this mess get any worse.'

There was a pause between her response. She had a feeling McCoy was contemplating whether or not it was worth arguing with her. And not for the first time, she let out a sigh of frustration. He of all people should have known what she was getting herself into. After all, he'd grown up with stories of how the agency operated.

'Just promise me you'll stay safe? Jim's looking for a way off this blasted metal death trap,' McCoy finally warned her.

She grimaced at the thought of Kirk finding a way off the Hellicarrier. Escaping was nearly impossible, especially when the Hellicarrier was under lock down. She wasn't going to discourage Kirk from doing so. It wasn't as if he'd been dragged aboard the Hellicarrier on his own free will in the first place, so she couldn't blame him for wanting to slip away unnoticed.

'You and I both know I can't keep that promise. I'm more worried about you and that idiot getting caught in the crossfire,' she retorted. 'Just try and stay out of the way – neither of you were trained for this.'

She knew it was the wrong thing to say, and the wrong time to say it. But at that point, she didn't care. The last thing she wanted was for either McCoy or Kirk to get hurt because of their mess. And of course, it didn't take long for her to feel the frustration rolling off of McCoy in waves when she told him that.

She held back a sigh of frustration, realizing with a start that this was something she should have braced herself for. She immediately closed off the mental link after that, knowing full-well that she couldn't keep pushing herself through the hall without concentrating on the path that loomed ahead.

Emily shook her head, knowing that dwelling on such thoughts wouldn't get her anywhere. She needed to focus on stopping Clint from causing more damage to the Hellicarrier. More importantly, she needed to find the others before the Hulk unleashed his rage upon the ship. She knew damn well what would happen if that occurred. The Hulk, if enraged, could destroy the entire Hellicarrier if he was unleashed. And something told her that was bound to happen with this attack.

She slowly started limping to find out where everyone else was. Last she saw Natasha and Bruce, they were thrown into another deck during the explosion. God only knew where Thor and Fury went. Or, Tony and Steve, for that matter. Hopefully they were working together to fight back against the enemies who managed to breach the system. She had little doubt in the back of her mind that nothing good would come out of their intrusion.

Her teeth ground together as she finally reached another room and paused to catch her breath. The pain was inevitable. What she wasn't expecting was to find herself reaching Steve and Tony as they tried fixing the propellers that kept this ship afloat.

Steve was already punching an intruder while another tried overwhelming him with his gun. Emily wasted no time in kicking the asshole in the groin, knocking him out in an instant after hitting his pressure point. The look Steve gave her was priceless.

"Emily, what are you doing here?" he asked in disbelief as she grabbed hold of another intruder and flipped him over onto his back.

"Saving your sorry ass, it seems," she replied without missing a beat.

Steve eyed her warily after noticing the new injuries covering her arms and legs. He knew from experience how stubborn she could be. After they'd started running together while in San Francisco, it was painfully obvious that she allowed that stubbornness to get the better of her.

"You're hurt," he deadpanned.

"No shit, Sherlock," she rolled her eyes. "Shrapnel came flying across the room when I landed on the deck below. Couldn't be avoided."

"If that's the case than you should be at the infirmary," he said after narrowing his eyes with concern.

Emily just glared back when she realized what he was implying. She had more than enough strength to deal with this mess. They would need all the help they could get, especially if the Hulk was unleashed upon the Hellicarrier. She was ready to argue when another voice snapped at them:

"Would you two quit socializing and pull the damn lever?"

Tony's voice sounded through the com, this time. Emily didn't miss the fact that Tony was working on pulling the rotors before the ship could crash into the ocean down below. A shiver swept through her as she imagined the Hellicarrier crashing into the ocean. It would have been worse if they were over a city with millions of innocent people.

Glancing back at the panel, she noticed Tony had already fixed it. There was a gap between them and the lever. She jumped across without hesitation, grinding her teeth together at the stabbing pain in her legs and arms as she caught the railing. Ignoring Steve's protests, she quickly pulled down the lever.

Tony was already flinging into the rotors as they picked up speed. By the time the lever was pulled, he collapsed on the floor beside them when she jumped back, with Steve catching her.

"What the hell was that?" Tony gasped out after his helmet receded.

The Hellicarrier was already starting to careen towards the ocean. At least, Emily assumed it was the ocean down below them. She hoped to God they weren't in the middle of an inhabited city.

"One of the engines is down," she explained, knowing the inside workings of the Hellicarrier like the back of her hand.

"Emily, you need medical, now!" Steve snapped after noticing she was looking paler than ever, "Last thing I want is you getting hurt on our mistakes."

She swallowed hard at that. Stubbornness would win her over any day. Today, however, was different. She wasn't going to waste her time arguing with Steve, especially when there was so much to lose at this point.

With that thought in mind, she made a run for it towards the direction of medbay. Only, she'd taken a wrong turn. Emily sucked in a breath when she realized she was headed in the direction of Loki's cell. Whether it was fate bringing them together, or just plain stupid luck, she didn't know.

Her eyes widened as she spotted Thor making his way towards Loki's cell as well. Seeing the look he gave her was priceless.

"Lady Coulson, I was not expecting to find you here," he remarked.

Though they never met in person, Thor had clearly heard of her through Coulson.

"Sorry, Thor," she apologized, "Papa reassigned me to work aboard the Hellicarrier while everyone else looked for the Tesseract. Agent Barton was the one who told me about you and the others."

She could still remember the shock of hearing Clint's crazy tale about Asgardians being on Earth. The whole story had sounded so unrealistic and unbelievable. Seeing Thor in person made her realize that just about anything was possible. It also reminded her of just how small the world really was when it came to the universe.

Thor nodded in understanding, noticing the wounds she was covered in, "You are injured, and you require a doctor," he warned her.

Emily nearly rolled her eyes at that. She knew if McCoy had his way, he'd be pissed off with the way she was acting. But she was tired of people telling her what she should or shouldn't be doing. The ship was in danger of being destroyed by the Hulk and Loki's minions. She wanted to make herself useful in some way rather than sit around doing nothing.

"Look, if Loki got out of his prison, then you'll need help," she pointed out.

The god of Thunder looked as if he was going to argue when he finally thought better of it. Emily simply breathed out a sigh of relief as they finally reached the room where Loki was being kept in his cell. They both knew Loki was the one behind this attack.

Though they never worked together personally, Thor had recognized her from the pictures that Coulson showed when they first met. She was everything the agent had described, from the wavy golden blond hair to her dark brown eyes. What really caught his attention was the muscles that showed through her uniform. Despite doing her best to hide them along with some of the scars left by the assholes at the compound, he could also see those as well.

She skidded to a halt when she noticed Loki had escaped from his prison. The doors were wide open, and, Thor wasted no time in lunging towards him. Emily was ready to give a warning call when someone suddenly grabbed her by the wrist.

Her body reacted faster than her mind as she rammed her elbow into whoever grabbed her wrist. It wasn't until turning around and seeing Coulson lurched over in pain that she realized who had grabbed her. She was ready to ask what the hell he was doing there when he held his hand up to his mouth.

Looking back, Emily noticed Loki was once again taunting his brother. She and Coulson carefully made their way towards the control panel where Loki now stood. Of course, Loki had fooled his brother with a clone. Somehow, that didn't surprise Emily.

Loki's smirk told her that this had been his plan all along as Thor slammed his fists against the glass wall. She winced as the cell suddenly jerked towards the floor. One more attack and the cell would be thrown out into the sky. She couldn't imagine what that would be like... falling through the air without a parachute.

"Are you ever not going to fall for that?" Loki sneered as he looked down at the control panel with glee. "The humans think us immortal… Shall we test that?"

Coulson had already inched his way towards Loki. She was quick to follow, shooting Thor a warning look as she noticed the weapon Coulson was holding with his other hand. Her heart nearly skipped a beat when Coulson suddenly stood up, aiming the weapon in Loki's direction. It was one of the weapons she and a few other scientists had been developing for weeks. Some of the weapons had been inspired by Loki's attack, while others were inspired by the ones used by the Red Skull and his army.

"Move away, please," Coulson ordered while keeping the weapon aimed in Loki's direction. After compiling as much information on the Destroyer armor as possible, she was able to figure out how it worked. It was just a prototype, but they had tested it out at least once, "You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent The Destroyer. Even I don't know what it does. Do you wanna find out?"

As the weapon prepared to fire, Emily hadn't missed the way Loki was moving towards Coulson. Memories of their recent argument suddenly came rushing back. The guilt from earlier also threatened to overwhelm her as she thought of how it could have been avoided. Emily knew in the back of her mind that letting Coulson take the blow was the worst thing she could have done. She couldn't let him take the blow when all of this had been her fault. From their constant arguments to the fact that she'd pushed McCoy away more times than she cared to count, she was tired of dealing with all of it.

She swallowed hard as she suddenly lunged forward, pushing Coulson out of the way just as Loki appeared behind her. In the split second it took for her to push Coulson out of the way, pain stabbed her in the stomach. It only took seconds for the pain to register before shock kicked in. Loki's face twisted into an ugly sneer as he watched the scepter plunge into her stomach.

He seemed almost proud of what he accomplished, though she had a feeling that was mostly from the sudden loss of blood kicking in. She was hardly aware of the fact that two newcomers were standing near the doorway as well, both watching the scene in horror.

"No!"

Thor slammed his fists against the cell once more. Loki grabbed hold of her just as she was about to collapse, ignoring the newcomers as one of them struggled to slip away from Kirk's grip.

"You are truly pathetic, if you believe those people care about you," he sneered while holding her up. She couldn't even move if she wanted to as Loki suddenly tossed her into the cell, with Thor catching her before she could collide into the wall, "You can die with my brother!"

Loki's smirk only widened as he moved back towards the control panel before pushing the release button. In a matter of seconds, the prison cell holding her and Thor suddenly dropped out of the sky. That was when things turned to hell.

.

.

The world suddenly felt as if it had stopped on its tracks. Coulson could only watch in horror as the cell was dropped from the Hellicarrier, plummeting to the ground below them. His heart nearly skipped a beat when he realized too late that the victim in question had been Emily. And worst still was that she'd taken a stabbing in the chest for him. He was hardly surprised that she chose to make such a bold move, but it horrified him nonetheless that she was so willing to do so.

Though he hadn't been thrilled with the fact that she and McCoy were seeing each other again, he hadn't bothered fighting her over her choice. He knew Emily would have just gone behind his back regardless of what he said. It wasn't worth the arguments or the grief they would have caused. And if he was being honest with himself, she did seem happier with McCoy than she had in years.

He supposed that was why he had been so angry when Clint warned him about her behavior back at the SHIELD facility. She was hurt more times than he cared to count, all by the same person she'd loved unconditionally. What annoyed him the most was that she allowed McCoy to get away with said behavior on more than one occasion.

He grimaced as he struggled to sit up straighter, but his body slid painfully against the cold wall. He carefully moved to the console where Loki was standing, knowing full-well the demigod needed to be taken down. His hands were still gripping the weapon he managed to grab from the vault nearby.

If he could just get close enough to fire the weapon, that would solve their current problem. He'd already sustained numerous injuries from when he reached the vault just after the first attack. If he was to pull off this stunt, he needed to ensure his aim was precise.

"You're gonna lose," he choked out after managing to regain his composure.

Coulson glanced over his shoulder in time to see Kirk and McCoy standing near the doorway. His eyes narrowed when he saw the horrified look written across McCoy's face. Nothing could have prepared him for the moment when she was suddenly stabbed in the chest. He knew in that moment that he had been wrong about McCoy. Seeing the mixture of emotions swirling within those eyes told him everything he needed to know. His jaw clenched as he finally looked at Loki, who moved closer to the main console.

"Am I?" Loki sneered in a mocking tone. He glanced between Coulson and the two Starfleet Cadets, smirking in amusement upon seeing the looks on their faces, "From what I have gathered, she was nothing more than wasted space. Imagine what would have happened had she lost control."

McCoy was struggling to free himself from Kirk's firm grip at that point. Coulson knew right then and there that the doctor would've slugged Loki if he was close enough. He would have approved – the bastard deserved what was coming to him. Even so, Coulson struggled to sit up straighter and shot a dagger-like glare at the madman.

"She was always more than wasted space," he snapped. "She will always be my baby girl, and you'd be damned sure to remember that. You'll never know what it means to be a hero."

He made sure to add emphasis to his words, hoping that McCoy and Kirk would catch it. Fortunately, Kirk's grip lessened when he realized what Coulson meant by that. After seeing the way Kirk reacted to finding out that Emily worked for SHIELD, Coulson wanted to make sure Kirk understood why she'd kept her ties with the agency a secret.

The only reason McCoy knew the truth was because he'd been so close to his father. When he and Emily had begun growing up together, McCoy learned about the agency through her. As reluctant as he had been to let Emily join the agency, Coulson knew that it was for the best. At least McCoy had been willing to keep the agency a secret for as long as he could.

"Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky. To where is my disadvantage?" Loki quarried, hardly looking impressed with Coulson's retort.

"You lack conviction."

Before Loki could make sense of what Coulson meant by that, McCoy finally lunged forward. Coulson didn't need to be told twice what the doctor had in mind when he slammed a fist into Loki's face, ignoring the scowl of disgust that followed. The impact was strong enough to send the madman backwards, though it obviously didn't cause enough pain for Loki to back down.

"Ooh, is this love, doctor?" Loki sneered. His voice held a mocking tone of amusement to it, sending shivers of rage through Coulson. "What was it Agent Romanoff said? 'Love is for children'?"

"You sure as hell don't know the meaning of love, asshole!" McCoy fired back with equal tenacity.

Despite the situation they were in, Coulson almost smirked in approval at those words. He hated to admit it, but he fullheartedly agreed with McCoy. He didn't have time to dwell on them as he finally fired the weapon. The impact of the blast sent Loki flying into another room, smashing through several walls in the process.

"So that's what it does," Coulson remarked once the weapon powered down.

He was hardly aware of McCoy's approach until feeling a pair of rough hands reach his arms. Coulson narrowed his eyes upon seeing both McCoy and Kirk reach him.

"Dammit man, you're bleeding out," McCoy grumbled after noticing his injuries.

"I'm not gonna make it," he pointed out without hesitation. The look flashing across McCoy's eyes told him the doctor believed otherwise. He caught McCoy's hand before he could act on instinct and treat his injuries, "You really care about her, don't you? I've been fighting with her all this time, but I realize now it's pointless. She still loves you; hell, I don't think she ever stopped."

For a moment, silence filled the room as McCoy's jaw clenched with realization. Coulson had his doubts earlier, but now he knew the truth. It pained him to know that he'd fought with her every step of the way. She and McCoy had grown up together as neighbors, and eventually lovers. He knew it was pointless to keep them separated, especially since it seemed the bond between them had only grown stronger.

"Yeah, I do," McCoy answered after noticing the look written across Kirk's face. "I also know she'd give me hell if anything happened to you. You may not value your own life, but I sure as hell do."

Coulson was ready to argue when he heard the sincerity in the doctor's voice. After watching her get stabbed in the stomach and tossed into the prison like she was nothing, he suddenly understood why. Instead of arguing, he finally gave a reluctant nod, knowing full-well that the agency would likely use his injury to their advantage.

"The team was never gonna work out regardless of whether you patch me up," Coulson remarked with a dry laugh. "They need the push."

McCoy's brows furrowed together when he realized what the man was implying. It went against everything he believed in as a doctor, and after listening to his own father beg for his life to be taken, he wasn't about to let the same thing happen to this man.

"I've watched my own pa die right in front of me, and I sure as hell don't plan on letting the same happen to you," he snapped.

His heart sank the moment McCoy brought up that particularly uncomfortable subject. He knew McCoy was right. He'd watched his own father die at his hands and under his watch. It had to have been painful to endure, especially since McCoy had full control over his father's medical tenure. Now he understood why McCoy was so determined to make sure he didn't go through something similar. Or more importantly, that Emily didn't go through something similar.

.

.

Eerie silence filled the room as those who were left from the onslaught of Loki's attack gathered. News of Coulson and Emily's death had already spread like wildfire. Steve swallowed hard as he realized she was gone. The one woman who was willing to go out of her way and treat him as anyone other than a Super Soldier… gone.

Everyone was still reeling from the shock of what had happened. Loki's attack had left everyone scattered and trying to regather themselves. He knew it was mostly his fault for letting himself get distracted, and for constantly arguing with Tony. Maybe if they had gathered their wits at the time before said attack, none of this would have happened.

"These were found in Phil Coulson's jacket. Guess he never did get you to sign them."

Fury tossed the blood-stained trading cards onto the table. Blood smeared on the glass, reminding everyone all-too-soon what had happened. What they had lost. Steve had lost fellow soldiers before. The weight of that guilt and grief was heavy on his shoulders, especially since he knew he was strong enough to handle them all.

This loss, however, was something entirely different. Steve struggled to cope with said loss as he glared in Fury's direction, knowing full-well this shouldn't have happened in the first place.

"We're dead in the air up here," he sighed with a shake of his head, "Our communications, location of the cube, Banner, Thor… Emily. I got nothing for you. Lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming."

For a moment, Steve couldn't breathe as he thought of how much he'd cared about Emily. How much he had left to say to her. Even Tony… he looked subdued. His head was bowed as he shook it, looking as if he was hiding his tears. Steve glanced in the Cadet's direction, not missing how McCoy was trying to hide his face. It was clear the news had taken a toll on the doctor, regardless of whether he wanted to admit it out loud or not.

"Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. The agency saw Agent Coulson's energy source as an asset to building bigger and better weapons," Fury went on, "I never put all my chips on that number though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. See if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could."

He paused, letting this sink in as Steve stiffened in surprise upon seeing McCoy and Kirk arrive. Both men looked solemn, and after what they had been through, Steve could hardly blame them. If what he heard from Emily was true, then he understood why McCoy was in the state he was in.

From what he gathered, they had been neighbors for most of their lives. More importantly, they had a history together. Steve realized with a start that there was no use in trying to pursue a relationship with someone who didn't return those feelings. It was clear she cared about McCoy as more than just a friend, even when she was with him at the base.

The Super Soldier swallowed hard as he glanced in their direction, not missing the hard look McCoy was giving Fury. Not for the first time, he found himself wondering how often either Cadet had ended up in this kind of a situation. It wasn't as if they had been asked to be dragged into this mess. And Steve had a feeling it was only going to get worse as they struggled to figure out where Loki was hiding.

"Phil Coulson and his daughter died still believing in that idea, in heroes." Tony, finally hearing enough, stood up and left, pushing his way past McCoy and Kirk, "Well, it's an old fashioned notion."

Steve shook his head when he realized there was no backing out of this confrontation. Tony knew more about Emily than most of the people on the Hellicarrier… aside from McCoy. And Steve doubted McCoy was in any hurry to share such information with him. It explained the withering glare McCoy was giving the director as he walked past them. With a sigh of frustration, he headed for the same room Tony would be hiding in.

"I'm sorry."

Tony's jaw clenched as he glared back.

"You know what the worst part of all this is?" he scoffed. "The fact that SHIELD wanted to turn her into some kind of weapon. She's been through enough hell that she doesn't need that shit on her shoulders."

"Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?" Steve asked carefully.

He wasn't aware of Emily's personal history. That part of her bio had been locked away when he tried searching. A part of him had been curious as to what was really going on with Emily and why she acted the way she did. But he only got as far as when she joined the agency, and her history as an agent.

"We are not soldiers! I'm not marching to Fury's fife," Tony snapped without missing a beat.

"Neither am I," Steve pointed out with a shake of his head, "He's got the same blood on his hands as Loki does, but right now we gotta put that behind us and get this done. Now, Loki needs a power source. I'm assuming since Emily's out of the picture he'll need something even stronger… maybe we could pull a few strings and—"

"He made it personal," Tony suddenly cut him off.

"That's not the point," Steve rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"That is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us all right where we live. Why?"

Steve's brows furrowed together when he realized Tony made a point. Loki could have just as easily taken Emily as his energy source and been done with it. Instead, he'd killed her and Coulson. Steve's jaw clenched at the thought of how he would forgive himself for letting something like that happen. He'd been distracted, and that distraction cost him two valuable lives.

"To tear us apart."

"He had to conquer his greed, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right?" Steve knew in that moment Tony was formulating some kind of plan. "That's what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience."

"Right," Steve nodded in agreement as he realized where Tony was headed, "I caught that act in Stuttgart."

"Yeah. That's just previews, this… this is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, parades, he wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered…" Steve rose an eyebrow as Tony's eyes went wide with realization. He already knew what Tony had concluded just as that realization hit him. "Son of a bitch!"