Takes place quite early in Falk's quest line. At this point, Jax recruited all companions already.
Jax' sword made a wet sound when he pulled it out of the mutant's carcass.
"Impressive how effortless you wield that giant axe. Make it seem like it weights nothing at all," he said to Falk and kneeled down next to the dead creature. He could see the Elex shining and shimmering between black organs, tubes and metal, that had been fused into the grey flesh.
"Oh but it does," Falk said and as Jax lifted his head, he could see how Falk simply threw the axe into the air and caught it with one hand again.
"I wasn't aware you are that strong," Jax whistled impressed. He pulled out his knife and with the smacking sound of flesh being torn apart, he started to cut raw Elex out of the cadaver.
"I can break your spine with a snap of my finger," Falk said happily.
"Uhm... good to know," Jax mumbled. "Where did you learn all of this?"
"I didn't," Falk answered and put the axe on his back while he patiently waited for Jax to finish his dirty work. "It's all in my head," he continued and tapped his temple, "but it wasn't until you made my upgrade possible that I started to gain access to all of my talents. And I am still discovering more every day!"
"Talents, hm..." Jax hummed pensive. For a moment he stopped to cut through the carcass and propped his arm on his knee to look up to Falk. "I remember that Konrad told me back then that you know 100 ways to kill a human. That true?"
For a moment, Falk was just silent. Jax narrowed his eyes a bit and wondered if he'd maybe crossed a line he shouldn't have crossed. After all Falk was never truly fond of these abilities. He was one incredible good fighter and could turn into a war machine par excellence if he really wanted to but that was the thing: he didn't. A curious android with a love for old ruins, exploration and – how he always loved to word it – interesting views. Not at all what his creator had in mind.
"137," Falk answered finally and Jax blinked in surprise. He'd always assumed that Konrad had just thrown in some number that was more a metaphor for Falk's efficiency and not... an actual number.
Then Falk tilted his head suddenly and nodded: "138."
"Wait – you just learned another one?" Jax replied stunned.
"I told you, it's all in my head and constantly updating itself. Jax..." Falk suddenly started to fumble with his hands and Jax could swear that he looked uneasy, awkward. Was that even possible? "... can we not talk about this?"
"Sure," Jax frowned and then, finally and accompanied with a triumphant "ha!" on the part of Jax, he ripped out a big chunk of raw Elex.
"What are you going to do with the Elex? You're not addicted any more, are you?" Falk asked – not in a judging way, no, just bluntly curious.
"These days are long gone. No way I get addicted to the blue drug again. Still can hear the voice in my head, sometimes... don't really need that, not on top of my infection. Who knows what that would do... but it's still a valuable resource! Let's see if I can mix some portions with it or upgrade my weapon..." He let the Elex vanish into his pocket and the carcass be a carcass.
"Come to think of it, Falk... you don't eat, you don't sleep..."
"Oh, I do sleep," Falk interrupted.
"Why? You don't need to, do you?"
"Correct. However it seems to be part of my youngest update, the one that is running since six months. It supports the simulation and is a vital part to make me appear more... human! By the way, Jax: how many hours of sleep are appropriate and considered normal?"
"Sleep as long as you want, my friend. Someone's going to wake you up too early any way," Jax huffed with a bitter smirk. "Still leaves the question open how you maintain your... energies. Humans die if they don't eat, don't drink."
Six years ago, Jax would've never cared about that. Six years ago Jax has been an angry Alb commander, confused by emotions and new urges he never had before. Consumed by hate. Six years ago he didn't give a damn how Falk functioned, about his well being or anything else besides his fighting abilities.
Maybe becoming a father had made him more sensitive to such things.
"I do regular maintenance, similar to your drone C.R.O.N.Y. U4. Other than that, I always assumed I have an infinity Elex core, similar to other Cleric robots but come to think of it, I am not certain." Falk put a hand over his chest and looked down on himself. "I am not eager to cut myself open to find out."
Jax grimaced a bit.
"Yeah let's not do that. In the end it's not important, right?" He tried a comforting smile and patted Falk's shoulder. His hand remained a bit longer there; Jax couldn't help but notice how buff Falk actually was. It felt like his muscles were made of steel, even now when he was relaxed. Well. Of course they would be hard as steel because they were probably made of steel...
And that all without a single push up, Jax thought, contemplating this unfairness.
"Let's go back to the Bastion, we got the job done here."Jax dropped his hand and frowned a bit on his own, dumb thoughts. He decided to tuck them away into some deep corners of his mind.
Usually Jax would simply use his Adjutor and the teleporter in the Bastion to get back but today he rather wanted to pick the slow method and just walk. If it wasn't for Dex, Jax wouldn't want to return at all. Each day was getting more and more annoying with Dawkins giving him responsibilities he never asked for, with Caja and Nasty constantly hissing and spitting at each other and, to be honest, Fox and Bully weren't a great help either. And Nyra was constantly sneaking out of Bastion and did who-knew-what back at the Depot.
More and more people showed up, recruited by either Jax or Thialg and if Jax learned one thing, then that people always equalled problems. And more people meant more problems. That was pretty simple Math.
There was a reason after all why he'd choose to live in exile.
Yet wandering through the meadows, listening to Falk's weird and funny complains about the formation of some rocks or his almost childish fascination for ruins of the old world, he certainly could get used to that.
Was relaxing.
Distracting in a good way.
The unfairness of life however wanted for all relaxing walks to come to an end eventually and while he and Falk walked up the last few meters of the hill, they could already hear angry voices, caught in a heated argument. Jax suddenly came to a stop with Falk almost bumping into him. He closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh and was close, very close, to just say fuck it all and turn around to vanish for maybe a day or two.
Or three. Let it be three.
For whatever reason, however, Falk suddenly seemed to be rather excited. Jax wasn't sure if he should be scared or not. Lately Falk's ideas have been odd. To word it friendly.
"Something on your mind?" Jax asked in a lurking tone.
"It sounds like someone is having a very severe dispute!"
"Yeah, hard to miss. Care to explain to me why that makes you so happy?"
"It is a chance for me to try and arbitrate but this time more successful," Falk explained eagerly.
Oh no, was all Jax could think.
"My attempts to arbitrate between Rolf and Balder were not exactly prolific but the data provided by that failed task should be enough for me to be able to have an actual success because now I know what I shouldn't do to mediate between two arguing parties."
Bad idea, Falk. Bad idea. Jax wanted to say it but couldn't bring himself to do so. Falk just looked so incredible enthusiastic.
"Hmhm," he hummed instead, "but those aren't Rolf and Balder. Those aren't just some hunters. Those are Caja and Nasty. One being the most powerful mage of Magalan and the other the fiercest and most wicked woman I know. Are you sure you want to get between them...?"
Jax hoped to disencourage Falk but all he got as an answer was an optimistic smile and an eager nod.
"Alright, go ahead then, dig your own grave," Jax sighed and earned a confused look.
"Why would I do such a strange thing?"
"That's just an expression... it means you are doing something very dangerous on purpose that could get you killed."
"Ah, humour based on misery!" Falk nodded understanding. "Are you going to aid me?"
Jax shook his head. "Oh no, my friend. You want to get between two deadly women being at each others throats, you are gonna do that alone."
Falk gave him a pleading look.
"... buuut I will be close by and make sure nothing gets burned to ashes and no one gets decapitated," Jax gave in and with that Falk happily led way and Jax trotted after him.
To say Caja and Nasty threw insults at each other was a clear understatement. They threw fire balls and stones, in fact. The two have been dancing around each other like prowling wolves for days and it was only a matter of time until this tinderbox would burst into flames. Caja's fuse was much shorter these days than six years ago and Nasty, well Nasty never had a fuse to begin with. She's always been a powder keg, wielding a torch.
But to get kicked out by Rat, forced to live among the Morkons and seeing the Berserkers, seeing Caja of all people, taking control over her beloved Fort, Nasty must've reached a whole new level of frustration.
Jax wasn't even sure what the argument was about and he was certain that neither Caja and Nasty knew either any more.
"Came to see the show?" Fox asked, stepping next to Jax and Falk.
Jax only groaned in annoyance while Falk watched the two women carefully and attentive.
"Do you know what happened?" Jax finally asked but Fox could only shrug.
"No clue. Thialg tried to get between them but learned rather quickly that this wasn't the healthiest idea. Dawkins barked something no one listened to, so he vanished into his laboratory, just like that and I suppose everyone just waited for you to get back and take care of this. If you ask me, all you need to do is adding a puddle of mud, then at least the show gets enjoyable!"
Fox grinned wildly and Jax felt a sudden urge to slam his fist into this grin. That guy was unable to take anything serious, wasn't he?
But instead of starting another brawl on top of the current one, Jax looked around and frowned.
"Where's Dex?"
"Eh, Asgar is a smart guy, he went with him to do some hunting or fishing or whatever when the two chicks started to scream at each other," Fox shrugged.
Jax let out a sigh of relief. Asgar was a smart man indeed. And more often than not a better father than Jax himself... it hurt to admit but why deny the plain truth.
"I will take care of this," Falk announced and raised a startled look on Fox' face as well as a helpless whine from Jax.
There was no use to talk him out of this, Jax was pretty aware and so he just watched how Falk marched towards the two volatile furies.
It was ugly, really. Wild gestures, messed up hair, screaming, shouting. Flames danced around Caja's fingers, ready to be thrown. Nasty had this signature evil grin on her face, her fists raised, ready to land a punch into Caja's face.
Jax wasn't just annoyed. Actually, he was beyond that point by now. His gaze slowly drifted away from the scene. There was a wooden chair, standing in the sun. Looked like a nice spot to relax. Has there always been a chair? Was it Asgar's? Looked hand crafted. Jax tilted his head a bit, inspecting the chair closer when suddenly a new sound cut through his thoughts: Nasty's rough laughter.
He blinked, not even aware how hard he'd spaced out and focused back on the fighting furies – and Falk.
Who was standing between them.
"Repeat that, will ya," Nasty said and Jax couldn't tell if she was amused or even more pissed off. Caja had quenched her flames but otherwise looked like she would explode any second.
Wait. What did he miss?!
"Gladly!" Falk exclaimed happily. "A solution to your problem appears rather simple to me and can be easily solved through proper time management. However a week has seven days so I propose one free day. So Jax should accompany Caja in bed for the upcoming three days, afterwards I advice a day where he doesn't accompany any of you and then it is Nasty's turn to-"
"What on any cursed Skyands ass are you talking about, Falk?!" Jax interrupted, his eyes wide. Behind him he could hear Fox dying of laughter.
"I think his circuits got fried. You should have him checked for malfunction," Caja replied icy through gritted teeth and lifted her nose slightly.
"Robo-boy here suggests that all our problems would vanish if you would just fuck me and Caja," Nasty explained completely blunt and patted Falk's back.
Jax opened his mouth.
No word came out of it, though.
"It is a logical suggestion," Falk defended his own idea, "I listened attentively to your dispute and after filtering out the swear words to analyse the core of the problem, it seems that each of you feels overlooked and ignored the moment Jax gives attention to the respective other. I believe it is called envy. I also read that sexual pleasure shall be able to release natural opiates like endorphine, thus making both of you less angry and aggressive." He smiled at all the stunned faces around him, obviously pleased with his explanation.
Caja was the first one to throw her arms into the air.
"This must be the most stupid idea he ever had!" she said while stomping away, bewildered, embarrassed, angry.
"Just so we're clear," Nasty spoke with a voice as sharp as her blade and drilled her finger into Jax' chest while staring him down. "I neither envy you for having a kid with this Berserker bitch nor am I jealous or some shit. I just can't stand her fucking face and it has nothing to do with you screwing her. Not my fault your taste fucking sucks." And with that she marched away too. Probably to kill some innocent beasts and mutants. Or humans...
Jax didn't even bother to try and explain to Nasty that he wasn't screwing any one, and surely not Caja but he was angry.
Not at the girls, no.
"What do you think you're doing?!" he hissed and grabbed Falk's arm, maybe a bit harder than he wanted to.
"I solved the issue. The argument seems settled," Falk said.
"Despite the fact that you can't just make such decisions for me... how... where... what gave you such a ridiculous idea?!"
"I told you. I analysed the situation, gathered the data and drew conclusions. Plus, you could use the relaxation from sexual pleasure too, you seemed tense lately and-"
"Just... stop it," Jax groaned. For some reason he just couldn't stay angry at Falk. "Just never suggest such a stupid idea again."
"Why not?"
"Let's ignore for a second how awkward it is for everyone involved, you don't get to decide who I spend the night with. Get it?" Jax snarled.
Falk looked at him for a while but then nodded slowly and that was when Jax started to relax a bit, his hard gaze getting a tad softer.
"I just thought-" Falk started but Jax interrupted him with a gentle knock on the head.
"No more thinking for today, okay?"
Falk dropped his shoulders a bit. It was clear that the overall fuss about his oh-so genius proposition was still a mystery to him but he seemed to be willing to drop it.
"Humans are weird and complicated," he concluded and earned a tired smirk from Jax.
"Yes, yes we are."
Somewhere in the back, Fox slowly recovered from his laugh attack and managed to breath.