Twenty

She used to wonder what it was like to die. There were so many times when she would sit alone in her room late at night, pondering over such possibilities. She often found herself wondering if anyone would actually miss her if she randomly disappeared off the grid. She knew without a doubt her parents wouldn't give a damn if she actually did die. In the back of her mind, she had a feeling that very few people would be bothered with the idea of Emily Hayes dying.

Coulson was a different story. A lump formed in the back of her throat as she thought of how much he sacrificed in the time since he adopted her. The guilt that ate away at her would never fade. Between Coulson making his sacrifices, and the sacrifice made by Captain Kirk, death seemed like a gift from above. She had been hoping it would be quick and painless. After all, that was the best way to go. But she knew the moment Loki stabbed her in the chest, her death would be anything but quick.

A fresh wave of guilt crashed down on her when she pictured McCoy and what he was thinking of this mess. It wasn't fair. Just when it seemed as if she found someone who really cared about her as more than a friend, he was suddenly torn away from her. She didn't want to do this to McCoy. She could already imagine what would happen to him when he found out. He had always cared far more than he would ever admit out loud, and that was what left her feeling so guilty.

He deserved someone who would actually return that sense of care. Emily knew in the back of her mind that she would always be selfish and reckless. She supposed it came with the territory. When McCoy found out she worked for SHIELD, he hadn't been the least bit surprised. They had been in middle school at the time he found out about the agency.

His father was the one who explained everything to him when he noticed how close they were as friends. It was also through Coulson and his father that the contract was formed in a way to protect McCoy from the agency. The contract itself meant that he was safe from being arrested.

Getting close to anyone outside the agency had always been a huge risk. McCoy was one of the few outsiders she would trust with her life, even if they were no longer on speaking terms. Their argument weeks ago had left a nagging reminder of just how short life really was. She'd left him just to go on another reassignment… and while McCoy had always known that was a possibility, he hadn't been happy with the revelation.

Then to make matters worse, Kirk managed to hack into her profile. One thing had led to another, and eventually both he and McCoy found out the truth behind her past. She hadn't trusted McCoy enough with the truth behind what she did during their time apart. She was twisted with anger, guilt and resentment for the fact that he'd chosen to ignore her when she needed a friend the most. Things hadn't gotten much better that month when she was assigned to guard the Tesseract alongside Clint. McCoy's accusation rang in the back of her head like a heavy weight, reminding her of just how dangerous she truly was.

It wasn't until feeling Thor wrap his arms around her in a tight bear hug that Emily finally cried out in pain. She was blinded temporarily by the blur of getting thrown around like a ragdoll in the prison cell. Each time he slammed into the glass, pain wracked her body. She did her best not to scream in agony. Her body felt as if it was on fire. It amazed her that she hadn't passed out from fatigue. Yet, even as Thor finally grabbed hold of his hammer and used it to slam into the glass, she hadn't passed out.

When Thor looked at her in concern, he knew she didn't have much time left. She had already lost a lot of blood, most of it pooled around them. Thor tried his best being gentle with her, but he couldn't risk not breaking the glass when they were so close. One nod of encouragement from her was all it took for Thor to finally slam down one last time into the glass.

The impact was enough for the glass to finally shatter. She flinched as glass grazed past her skin. The pain from that was nothing compared to the wound on her stomach. Thor was careful to land on the ground first after escaping, keeping hold of Emily before she could collapse on the ground beside him.

Neither of them moved for a while after that. Emily found it was getting harder to breath as she tasted blood in her mouth. Her hand was resting where Loki had stabbed her in the stomach. She winced at the blood now staining her hand, and probably everything else. What surprised her, and irritated her, was the fact that Thor hardly sustained any injury at all. She supposed that was one of the perks of being Asgardian.

"Emily, you are in dire need of medical attention," Thor informed her after making sure that she hadn't suffered any further.

Emily nearly rolled her eyes as she stared at the sky for a few seconds. She wanted to laugh at the fact that she was dying, and there wasn't anyone to blame her for making such a stupid choice. Clint would've called her an idiot for putting herself in Coulson's position. Natasha would have berated her for acting upon sheer instinct. And McCoy... Emily could only imagine what he would have said if he knew what mess she'd gotten herself into.

She grimaced at the thought, knowing that he would have more than a few choice words for her behavior. Though, he wouldn't have been surprised. She had warned him that she was known for taking risks that other agents wouldn't have. She was willing to do the things that agents were afraid of doing simply because it risked their lives.

Besides, after everything Coulson had done for her throughout her lifetime, it felt right putting her own life at risk. Her heart sank even further as she wondered what he would think of this mess when it was over. She had a feeling Coulson would be relieved that such a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He would no longer have to worry about whether or not she was doing something behind his back, or if she was putting her life in danger again.

All I have ever been to him is nothing more than a burden, she thought bitterly. Coulson would have tried telling her otherwise if she said that out loud to him. But she knew in the back of her mind that was the case. It had always been that way, for Coulson and for her parents.

"Thor, I think you and I both know that at this point, the best thing to do is find Loki and take down the portal," she said dryly. "Even if I do somehow survive after you bring me to a hospital, how the hell are you going to explain how I ended up with this injury?"

Thor frowned as he tried to search for an answer to that question. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how he would tell a mortal that his friend was in need of medical attention. He would have taken her to Asgard for treatment in a heartbeat if the Bifrost was open. It would have been safer and easier, despite Odin's protests about allowing a mortal on Asgard. He hated seeing her suffer from such injuries, especially since his brother was responsible for said injuries.

Guilt stabbed him in the chest at the thought. He knew that something should have been done rather than sitting around and talking about the problem at hand. To him, Emily was far stronger than any Midgardian he'd met. That was why he couldn't just leave her there. Not to mention what Coulson would have said if he left her there to bleed out.

"I wish there was more I could do for you, Lady Coulson," he started after letting out a heavy sigh. He looked down at her bleeding form warily. Her own breathing had become ragged and heavy, telling him that she didn't have much time left. "I do not wish to see you suffer because of what my brother has done."

"Then you can do me a damn favor and kick his sorry ass," she choked out. Thor rose an eyebrow in amusement when the tone of her voice held a hint of anger in it, "He deserves to get his ass whooped, and possibly get his head examined when this shit is over."

The Asgardian was struggling not to laugh at her statement. Even though Emily was on the brink of death, she still had her sense of humor that he admired. He could not help but wonder at the strength she showed on more than one occasion. It was clear she was stronger than people gave her credit for.

"I am unsure where I would go," he admitted. "I am not familiar with Midgard and its cities."

Emily's brows furrowed together as she thought of how Loki used the Tesseract in the first place. It needed a highly sustainable source of energy to keep the portal opened. She could only think of a few places that had said energy source available. From what Tony and Bruce told her, she should have been taken by Loki. Her body would have acted like a battery charging the Tesseract, providing the power he needed to activate the portal.

"I'd start with New York," she pointed out. Thor glanced at her in surprise when she shrugged, wincing from the sudden movement, "Stark Tower has the source of energy he needs to keep the portal open. I'm willing to bet my life that's where he's at."

Finally, Thor grinned in amusement when he realized what she meant by that. Carefully, he lifted her into his arm where he would make sure she didn't fall. She winced from the sudden movement of being lifted into the air. It took everything she had not to show how much pain she was in. She hated looking vulnerable in front of anyone, be it Thor, McCoy or Coulson. That was part of her nature.

"I will not allow my friend to die in vain," he declared after swinging his hammer.

With that declaration, he took off and to the direction of New York in the hopes of finding Loki before it was too late.

.

.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed before they finally reached the Tower. It was the first time she'd ever stepped foot in Stark Tower, and quite possibly the last. Her injuries hadn't healed. She had a feeling they never would. With Thor landing on the roof above after he'd carefully placed her on the sofa, it was now just a waiting game. She was amazed she lasted as long as she did, considering how deep the injury was. Then again, she had sustained worse injuries and somehow managed to survive them.

It always seemed as if whenever she sustained a serious injury, she somehow managed to prove everyone wrong by surviving said injuries. Clint had always joked that she was the lucky one, though he knew she would have suggested otherwise.

She didn't consider herself lucky for being able to survive serious injuries, because they still scarred over. The worst part of it was that she couldn't show her scars off in public. People would begin asking questions about where they came from and why she showed them off so easily. It wasn't until McCoy reassured her that she realized she was just afraid for all the wrong reasons. Though, that didn't stop her from trying to hide them whenever she could. The suit had always been for her own protection from nosy people. Now that a stab wound punctured the suit, whatever material was used to hide said scars suddenly seemed to vanish.

Emily tilted her head to one side in surprise when she spotted Tony arriving in the Tower. Whether he was aware of her presence or not, she didn't know. Of course, the bastard Loki was already waiting there. She tried sitting up straighter, wincing as pain wracked her body once more. She was suddenly grateful that she closed off the mental link between herself and McCoy. She had a feeling that if McCoy felt whatever pain she was in, she'd never hear the end of it. Besides, it was cruel to allow that kind of pain to be felt by anyone.

"Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity," the demigod sneered.

"Uh… actually, I'm planning to threaten you," Tony replied, sounding indifferent as he rounded the bar.

"You should have left your armor on for that," Loki scoffed.

"Yeah, it's seen a bit of mileage. You've got the blue stick of destiny," Tony retorted. From where she was sitting, she could see Tony working his rounds already, "Would you like a drink?"

Hell, she could use a drink right about now. Anything to ease the pain. Though truthfully, she just wanted to forget everything that was happening at that moment. She knew nothing good would come out of a confrontation with Loki. Especially if civilians were involved.

"Stalling me won't change anything."

The guy was full of confidence… which made him distracted. Now, Emily understood where Tony was getting at with this. If she had to guess, Tony and the rest of the team was already on the way to the city on a quinjet.

"No, no, no! Threatening. No drink? You sure? I'm having one," Tony replied, eyes widening when he finally saw her for the first time.

One look was all it took for him to realize that she wasn't likely going to survive. Not unless she was somehow miraculously lucky. She realized that she would have likely died already if that wasn't the case. Something else had kept her alive for as long as it could. Yet she knew that she was fading fast. She knew that she wouldn't last much longer if she didn't receive medical treatment.

She tried pushing that familiar wave of fear and nausea to the back of her mind. She realized with a start that she was ready to die if that was the case. Despite everything, she knew in the back of her mind that McCoy would move on eventually if anything happened to her. And in some ways, he was probably better off without her ruining his life any further than she already had.

"The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?" Loki went on, oblivious to it all.

"The Avengers. It's what we call ourselves, sort of like a team. 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes' type of thing," Tony replied, keeping his voice steady despite the obvious surprise and rage he was struggling to suppress.

"Yes, I've met them," Loki rolled his eyes, "And, one of them is currently bleeding out in your Tower."

Asshole, was all she could think rather than say. Seeing the way Tony's eyes narrow reminded her all-too-soon of what Thor had said. Between their conversation and what she had discussed with McCoy just hours ago, she was beginning to realize that maybe she had been wrong all along.

There were people out there who still cared about her. And she realized with a start how much that meant to her. Knowing that someone cared for her, and that they were willing to make sacrifices, meant more to her than she could ever admit out loud. Her heart sank even further when she also realized that she had almost given up without a fight. It wasn't fair for her to give up when so many people cared about her.

"Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But, let's do a head count here. Your brother, the demigod; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a woman who can and will kick your sorry ass when she recovers, a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them," Tony explained without missing a beat.

"That was the plan," Loki shrugged it off.

"Not a great plan. When they come, and they will, they'll come for you," Tony snapped.

"I have an army."

"We have a Hulk."

"I thought the beast had wandered off."

Knowing the Hulk, he was currently on his way towards the city in the form of Bruce Banner. If he had the guts to return and finish what was started.

"You're missing the point," Tony snapped as he stepped out from behind the bar, "There's no throne, there is no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it."

"How will your friends have time for me, when they're so busy fighting you?" Loki asked as he stepped towards Tony, raising his scepter. For a moment, Emily thought Tony was insane until remembering the Arch Reactor in his chest. There was no way Loki's scepter would be able to get past that. The Arch Reactor acted almost like a security program in itself. "It should work!" Loki frowned after trying multiple times.

"Well, performance issues. You know," Tony shrugged as if it was nothing. Out of anger, Loki grabbed Tony by the throat and flung him across the floor, towards the balcony, "Anytime now, Jarvis!"

Loki closed the distance between them and grabbed his throat once more.

"You will fall before me," he sneered.

Panic set in fast as Tony was suddenly thrown out of the window. Once again, it felt as if time slowed down when the suit suddenly came flying towards him. Emily could barely breathe out a sigh of relief when Tony came flying up in his Iron Man suit. It was bad enough that she was bleeding out on his sofa. The last thing she wanted was for anything to happen to him as well.

"And there's one other person you pissed off! His name is Phil," he added. After blasting Loki off the balcony, Tony wasted no time in reaching Emily. His expression was impossible to read as he took off his face plate once he reached her. "Dammit Emily, you weren't supposed to go through this."

"Let's be honest, this isn't the worst you've seen me," she managed, despite feeling like she was going to pass out at any moment.

"Yeah, I have seen you in a worse state," he sighed with a shake of his head before comming the rest of the team, "Where's McCoy? We could really use a doctor right now."

"On our way, Tony. Why?" came Natasha's quick response.

"Em's still alive," Tony replied without missing a beat. Emily barely had enough energy to raise an eyebrow when she heard swearing in the background. She was angrier with them than relieved that they'd taken Kirk and McCoy with them. To put their lives in danger was foolish. If she hadn't survived that stab wound, she was sure that they would have likely fallen victim to the Chitauri. "But barely. She needs medical attention, right away."

There was a moment's pause as Natasha's voice sounded in the distance. Emily guessed that she was talking to McCoy to relay the information. A lump formed in the back of her throat. She didn't want him to see her in this condition, but she knew he was one of the best doctors she could ask for. Though she was more than annoyed that they had been dragged along in the first place. If either of them got hurt during the fight, she would never forgive herself.

"They're on their way," Natasha replied, "By the way, McCoy's less than happy that you put your life in danger."

Emily nearly rolled her eyes at that, though she felt more touched than ever that he cared so much. She kept the bond between them closed while she was with Thor. The last thing she wanted was for him to experience the kind of pain she was in. She couldn't shake off the feeling that McCoy could experience whatever emotions she experienced thanks to their bond, which could lead to disastrous results if they weren't careful.

"Why the hell would you bring civilians along?" she demanded after struggling to sit up, only for Tony to stop her.

"For one thing, I didn't have a say in the matter," he replied without missing a beat, "And for another, they asked to tag along. Well, Kirk did anyways. McCoy just fussed the whole way here."

She almost smirked at the thought of McCoy complaining the whole way there. She was hardly surprised by that notion; McCoy hated being stuck in shuttles in the first place. But to be dragged into a battle only made it that much worse.

A few more seconds of awkward silence followed before she heard the sound of footsteps. Emily glanced in the direction where McCoy was standing, wincing when his horrified eyes landed on her slim form. Though he'd seen her in a worse state, this topped the list. She hadn't exactly been great at keeping promises on staying safe.

"You better be a damn good doctor," Tony snapped when McCoy reached for his emergency medical kit.

McCoy simply threw him a withering look before closing the distance between them. The moment he reached her was when Emily knew she was in for more than just a scolding.