Hey, guys!
Oh, boy... This one was a doozy, but I hope y'all enjoy!
Part Four: Remembered
Clark opened the door and walked in. Before he turned to Jon, he shut the door behind him.
"Dad." Jon's voice was softer than normal, it was filled with fear too.
Clark turned to Jon, and the guilt doubled. Jon's eyes were pink and puffy, an obvious sign that he had been crying.
Clark cleared his throat. He would comfort and apologize in a second, but first he needed to know if Jon's arm was okay.
"Let me see your arm," he said. He tried so hard to keep his words gentle.
Jon paled and he pushed himself farther away from Clark. "Dad," he begged as he flinched. "Dad, please."
Clark swallowed back another wave of guilt. Jon had never flinched away from him, and never ever thought that Clark was going to hurt him.
"Please," Jon continued. His breathing was getting faster, his eyes were filling with more tears, and Clark could hear his heartbeat speeding up. "I didn't send him down there to say all of that to you… I wasn't complaining or anything like that."
Clark shook his head. "Jon," he said. "Jonathan, look at me."
Jon looked up at him, his hesitant and fear-filled eyes just barely making eye contact.
"Yes, Sir?" Jon asked.
"I am so sorry for what happened in the barn," Clark said. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I lost control, and I am so sorry."
Jon didn't move, but Clark could hear his heartbeat start to slow a little. "You didn't?" He asked, then wiped the tears away from his eyes.
Clark nodded. "I would never ever hurt you on purpose, Jon," he said.
He took his chances and walked a little closer to the bed. Jon watched him carefully, but Clark didn't think that he was going to run away.
Jon cradled his left arm, and broke the eye contact he had with Clark. "Even after the drugs?"
Clark swallowed. The drugs were how they had gotten into this mess. If it hadn't been for the drugs, he and Jon wouldn't have this huge gap between them. Things would be like they had always been.
"Jon, your mother and I are disappointed and upset about the X-Kryptonite, but we would never hurt you," he said. "We've never used physical discipline on you or Jordan and we never will."
Jon looked down at his lap and stayed quiet. Clark hoped that Jon believed him, but he remembered what he had said to Jordan last year. Broken trust took a lot longer to heal than a broken wrist.
After a moment, Clark tried his luck. "Can I see your arm?"
Jon hesitated and then scooted a bit closer to Clark. "It's really not that bad," he insisted. "I'm okay, Dad."
"Okay" was an overstatement in Clark's eyes. "Okay" was used to pacify. "Okay" was used to make the dark red marks on Jon's pale skin seem like it wasn't that bad.
It wasn't okay.
Clark sat down on the bed beside Jon. "Can I..?" Clark asked as he pointed to his eyes.
Jon seemed to understand Clark's request and nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Go ahead…"
Clark lowered his glasses and x-rayed the injury. A wave of relief flooded him when he saw nothing worth getting a doctor involved. There would be some pretty bad bruising over the next little bit, but there were no serious injuries.
"All good?" Jon asked anxiously.
Clark pushed his glasses back up on his face, then nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Just some bruising. Does it hurt?"
Clark had rarely ever experienced bruises. In fact, before moving to Smallville, it had been years since the last time it had happened.
Jon shrugged. "Maybe a bit, but it's fine," he told him. "I've been through worse…"
Clark frowned, then stood up and grabbed an old flannel shirt that had been draped over one of the chairs. It had been Clark's once, but Jon had needed a larger shirt size to cover his cast and Clark had loaned him one. He had never gotten it back.
He looked down at the shirt, then up at Jon's arm. From experience with twin boys, he knew that ice was supposed to help bruises. He would never forget some of those fights the boys had gotten into when they were younger.
Clark sat down beside Jon again, then he turned back to the wadded up shirt and blew out a small, but steady, stream of ice. He waited until the shirt had a small layer of ice covering it, then quit.
After inspecting it, he gently pressed it to Jon's arm.
Jon let out a small gasp as the ice was pressed to his arm. For a second, Clark wondered if he had pressed it too hard against Jon's arm and it was hurting him.
"You okay?" Clark asked.
Jon nodded. "Yeah," he said. "It's just really cold…"
After a second, Jon took over icing his arm, and they sat in silence. Clark didn't know what to say, or what there was to say.
Clark stood up. There wasn't really much else he could do. Jon was fine, everything was okay now.
He began to walk towards the door.
At the last second, Jon called out. "Wait!"
Clark let go of the doorknob and turned to his son. "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry," Jon said as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "I'm sorry that I took those stupid drugs, that I misrepresented our family, that I upset you and Mom…"
"Jon," Clark started, but Jon continued.
"And I'm sorry that I broke your trust and that I'm not good enough these days, that I can't even do stupid chores without getting hurt, and that I'm not like you or Jordan," Jon rambled until he broke down into tears.
Clark swallowed as he watched Jon start to sob.
This wasn't just the fault of some space drugs. This was his fault. Jon had gotten to this point because of him. No wonder he had taken drugs, especially drugs that gave him Kryptonian abilities.
Clark walked back over to the bed and sat down. He had thought his job was done, but he was so wrong. Sure, Jon had been taken care of physically, but Clark hadn't even asked if he was doing okay emotionally.
Only a few minutes prior, Clark had watched Jon flinch away from him, convinced that he was going to be hurt, and Clark hadn't even considered asking how Jon was emotionally. He hadn't even considered giving Jon a hug or anything like that.
What kind of father was he?
Jordan's words from over a year ago came flooding back.
He definitely hadn't been sent to Earth to be a father.
"Jon," he began. He gently placed his hand on Jon's back. "How long have you felt like this?"
Jon shrugged as he kept his eyes firmly glued to his hands. "A little after the move," he admitted quietly.
Clark swallowed. That had been so long ago. Jon had never come to him or Lois about any of this.
"Why didn't you come to us, Jon?" Clark asked.
"You guys were busy with Edge and Jordan's powers," he said. "It didn't really feel all that important…"
Jon continued before Clark could even try to think of any sort of way to respond.
"And I'm not blaming Jordan. I would never blame him for this. I'm happy that he has powers and a good life here in Smallville," he said. "I just…"
Clark watched as Jon trailed off, ending his words with another shrug of the shoulders.
What had he done? How could he have let things get to this point?
"You what, Jon?" Clark asked.
Jon looked over at him with his big blue eyes, then back down at his hands. He stayed silent for a moment before taking a deep breath.
"I guess I just felt forgotten."
"Hey," Clark said. His voice was sterner and sharper than he intended, but it grabbed Jon's attention in an instant. "I do not forget about you."
Jon's face began to turn red. "Yes, you do!" He shouted. "Ever since we've been here in Smallville it's like you've forgotten about me! Am I made of lead? Is that why you can't see me anymore!?"
"Jonathan," Clark began, but Jon cut him off again.
"No!" He yelled as he banged his left fist on the table beside his bed. "You never listen to me! You don't care about my feelings! It isn't fair! You didn't even pay any attention to me until I was taking X-K. Do you have any idea how that feels? Having to take drugs to get your Dad's attention!?"
Jon stood up and began to pace the room. "I don't get it…" He said. His voice dropped down to a whisper, but Clark could hear every word perfectly. "Why am I not good enough for you? Is it because I'm too human?"
Clark's heart stuttered as he tried to process everything. Normally, he would scold Jon for yelling at him, for using this tone, but… Not this time. Clark knew that he deserved all of it and more for what he had done to Jon.
The room stayed silent, and Jon let out a soft sound of distress.
"Why aren't you saying anything!?" He cried.
Clark hung his head in shame. He had failed as a father. He had failed Jon. He had failed his child…
"Dad?"
"I am so sorry," Clark apologized. "I've failed you as a father, Jonathan…"
"Dad, no…"
"I never should have made you feel forgotten or like you weren't enough because you didn't have my abilities," he said, then stood up and walked towards Jon. "Even in the midst of everything with Edge and Jordan, I still should have been there for you. I never should have abandoned you, especially when I knew that the move had been hard for you."
Jon opened his mouth to speak, but Clark spoke first.
"And I should have realized how left out you felt," he said. "I'm so so sorry, son."
Jon swallowed, and Clark could see that he had his own fresh tears forming in his eyes.
He had messed up so badly. He had neglected his child for so long. He had told his children that they had come to Smallville to be closer to each other, but in reality, he had completely abandoned one of them.
It had been such a hard year for Jon, Clark knew this. He had watched him struggle with football, new schools, and injuries, yet he had completely ignored him in the midst of everything else.
How could he? He had always said that his family was the most important thing to him, but clearly, he had been wrong. What had taken priority over his son? What had been so important that he didn't even bother to ask his son how his day had been?
Clark had to fix this. He couldn't let Jon continue to think that he wasn't important. He needed to be there for Jon more.
He had been given a second chance. He couldn't screw this up. He couldn't lose his son.
"Jon, I'm sorry that you felt overshadowed by your brother," he said. "And I'm sorry that we haven't been spending as much time together since the move."
"Jordan needed your help with his powers," Jon said. "I wasn't gonna take you away from him while he was having a seizure."
"You needed me too, Jonathan," he said. "Even if it had nothing to do with powers, I should have been there for you and I wasn't."
Jon bit his lip and looked away, but not fast enough that Clark couldn't see the tears first.
After a second, the small tears turned to sobs and Clark watched in agony as his son's shoulders shook.
Clark crossed the room without a second thought and wrapped his arms around his sobbing son.
"Shhh…" He soothed, but his own eyes burned as well. "I'm here now. I'm here."
Jon buried his face in Clark's flannel shirt, and Clark felt his child's hot tears seep through it. Clark pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Jon's head. It had always soothed him when he was little, and Clark hoped that it would do the same now.
"I felt so lonely…" Jon admitted between gulps of air. "It felt like no one cared about me."
The tears in Clark's eyes began to fall. "I'm so sorry," he told Jon. He pulled him closer and tightened the hug. "I promise I'll be there for you from now on."
Jon sniffed, then looked up at Clark. His eyes were pink and full of tears. "Promise?"
"Yeah," Clark said. He had no intent on ever breaking this promise. "I promise."
Clark and Jon FINALLY talked! One part left! Please follow, fave, and review! I would love to know what you thought!
Thanks for reading! Love y'all!