Thirty Two
Extensive repairs were already underway on the ship as it slowly returned home. Because of the damage Engineering had taken, Scotty took his time making sure that everything was back in top shape before the ship reached Earth again. Emily had spent most of her free time in Engineering when she was finally discharged from the surgical suite.
McCoy might have put her on light duties, but that didn't mean she was holding back. Like him, she used work as a distraction. She realized with a start that they were far more alike than McCoy would admit out loud. Years of experience within the agency had taught her how to use work as a distraction.
Working with Scotty had been surprisingly pleasant compared to what she was normally used to. The Scotsman often quipped light jokes here and there, and he wasn't the first to notice how close she and McCoy were. When he finally found the courage to ask how they'd known each other so well, he was surprised to find out they had been friends long before this mess.
The biggest challenge she faced was Kirk. Emily realized with a start that the kid had been relentless in trying to apologize for his behavior. But it was too late for regrets. He'd already informed Starfleet that she worked for SHIELD, and she knew that going back would mean having to face the trials all over again. She couldn't bring herself to forgive Kirk for what he did.
A small part of her wanted to, but the latter part of her mind kept telling her that eventually, he would betray her again. She'd learned the hard way that it was better not to trust anyone. Working for the agency had taught her to keep hold of her emotions and not allow anyone to see how vulnerable she really was.
It was bad enough that people had already begun questioning where the scars came from. She did her best trying to hide them from prying eyes, but she could only do so much without the suit. The uniform did a good job at preventing those from seeing what she was trying to hide, but even that didn't seem to be enough.
McCoy relentlessly reminded her that no one would care what she looked like on the outside, but that didn't stop her from feeling self-conscious whenever someone stopped to look at her. She was thankful they didn't even see the worst of her scars. She could only imagine what they would say if they saw the scars covering her scalp.
She'd already talked to Spock about it when they were in the mess hall together. Since the incident revolving around Planet Vulcan, he had been putting efforts in looking for habitable planets for his people. She knew it couldn't be easy for him, especially since he had focused his attention for so long on Starfleet.
"Your anger towards the Captain is understandable," he'd told her after they discussed matters revolving around herself and Kirk. She found it was surprisingly easier to talk to Spock since he always had some useful insight on the situation. "However, it is important to focus your efforts on repairs towards the ship. We are still several light years from Earth, and it will take time before we can return to the main station."
Her brows furrowed together as she studied the punching bag thoughtfully. She had been focusing her efforts on helping Scotty repair the damages caused by Nero's ship. The problem was, work was all she ever seemed to do. Since she was discharged from medbay, she kept pushing herself until she felt a sharp pain on her chest.
Scotty was usually the first to tell her that she needed a break, regardless of the protests that would follow. He seemed all too aware that she was using work as a distraction from the stress she currently faced. And Scotty went out of his way to make sure she didn't push herself to the brink of exhaustion.
"I'm no' about to be responsible for any accidents that may happen," he pointed out gruffly. Though he only heard rumors about the Chief Medical Officer aboard the ship, he seemed to realize that avoiding McCoy's wrath was his best option. She was almost amused by that notion. McCoy had complained on more than one occasion that he wasn't that terrifying, even though his bedside manner suggested otherwise. "Ye need to rest, lass."
Emily chose to ignore the pain as she swung at the punching bag with as much force as she could muster. Natasha was the one who taught her how to punch without using too much energy. Each swing came with more force, and in doing so, the leather bag continued pushing towards the side and swinging back with equal force. She dodged each swing, careful not to let it hit her back. It went on like that for the next few minutes, until she heard the doors slide open.
"What the hell are you trying to do to yourself, punch a brick wall?" McCoy demanded when he reached her.
Emily nearly rolled her eyes at the look he gave her hands. They were covered in black and blue marks; she rarely used the gloves unless the situation demanded it. Then again, she knew she was being reckless at that point. The only thing she wanted was to avoid so many people, along with the countless questions that would arise when they came across her.
Hiding in medbay or somewhere else might have been a better option. She knew McCoy had been busier than ever since he was now the ship's Chief Medical Officer. Though he always seemed to have enough time in the day to see her, regardless of what was happening around them.
She had a feeling that after everything they had been through together, this was his way of making sure that she wasn't pushing herself too hard. He of all people knew that she preferred staying busy even while everyone else was taking a break from said work. They were very much alike in those aspects, and it was also the reason why McCoy tended to be a hypocrite most of the time.
"Better to take my anger out on the punching bag than someone who crosses me," she retorted. She winced when McCoy took hold of her hands and inspected them. He wasn't all that gentle when he knew the pain was intentional, and the look written across his face told her he knew the real reason behind spending time in the gym. "You of all people should know that I hate sitting still in one place for too long."
McCoy just rolled his eyes knowingly. He did know how much she hated being confined to one room for too long. After spending so long getting to know her, he knew her a little too well. For some people, that wouldn't have been a problem. But, McCoy was still a doctor, and it would always be his job to care for those around him. She'd always secretly admired him for that notion. There were few people who were willing to spend as much time as they could caring for others.
"You're gonna be the death of me one of these days," he grumbled after letting go. She couldn't hide the sheepish smirk that followed when he kissed the top of her forehead affectionately, despite being annoyed with her recklessness. "Pike wanted to talk to you about something, and I'm guessing it has to do with the way he acted earlier," he added when they headed for the nearest turbolift.
She rose an eyebrow at the thought of having to face Captain Pike again. The Captain had been a little more understanding of her cause when they headed for the Narada. But, that didn't make what he did any better. Had it been anyone else, she doubted she would have forgiven them so easily. Yet she knew that it wasn't entirely his fault; between the trial and the lies her parents had built up, she understood why he'd acted that way.
So much of this madness could have been avoided had she been open with telling the truth in the beginning. She couldn't blame SHIELD for keeping such files confidential, but it would have saved her the hassle of dealing with Kirk and everyone else loyal to Starfleet only. Fear and guilt had kept her from telling him the truth, and the need to share such information with Admiral Marcus hadn't helped matters.
"I'm not sure whether I should be worried, or relieved that he finally has the balls to talk to me," she remarked dryly. "I mean, he did pretty much drag me onto that ship when Nero requested we both go."
She didn't miss the hard-eyed look that followed when she mentioned Nero by name. McCoy vividly recalled some of the nightmares she suffered from when they were younger. Time and time again, Nero had appeared in some of those nightmares. She would never admit out loud how terrified she was of facing him again, even if she'd never faced him in person before. She suspected that was part of the reason Nero requested she go with Pike. He'd known who she was through his timeline, and thanks to meeting Spock Prime, she discovered her role as well.
She tried pushing away those uneasy thoughts. Dwelling on them certainly wouldn't get her anywhere. She knew that things happened for a reason, and as difficult as it was to experience, she learned from it. She realized with a start that she was stronger as a result, not just thanks to McCoy's help, but because she'd learned more from Spock Prime than anyone else.
The worst of it though was the scar that Nero's men had left on her chest. She hadn't said anything to McCoy, but she knew he would find out sooner or later from Uhura. The scar they'd engraved onto her meant nothing. It literally meant she was nothing in the eyes of Nero and everyone else.
That thought alone sent a shiver of rage through her, mostly because she understood what it meant.
"Considering everything that's happened, I'm not too surprised," McCoy scoffed as they finally reached medbay. Emily glanced at him self-consciously as she guessed what was really bothering him. He wanted her to be angry with Pike for everything he'd done. Yet she realized that staying angry wouldn't get her anywhere. She didn't want to hold on to such emotions, especially since it only ever led to disaster. "You're a hell of a lot more forgiving than you should be. And I'm not just talking about what Pike or Kirk did."
"Would you rather I still be filled with rage and kick your ass like Clint did?" she retorted. McCoy grimaced at the thought of how that would play out. He was well aware of the fact that she could just as easily do so if she wanted to. "Leonard, I've learned the hard way that holding onto anger won't get me anywhere… it's only led to disaster on my part."
McCoy let out a heavy sigh when he realized what she was implying. Now that he knew about that side of her past, he would never look at her the same way. Yet he realized with a start that most of it had been his fault. If he hadn't ignored her the way he had, she wouldn't have lost control and taken those lives. She wouldn't have turned into what she feared the most.
"None of that would've happened if I hadn't gone out of my way to ignore you," he muttered crossly. "Barton may be a pain in the ass most of the time, but he does make a good point."
Emily rose an eyebrow in surprise. She suddenly took hold of his hand and gave it a light squeeze, ignoring the fact that a few passing crew members had given them strange looks. By now most of them were aware of the fact that they'd known each other longer than they had been at the Academy. Emily knew there would be questions in the future revolving around the relationship, but for now at least they had each other to rely on.
"Doesn't matter what he or anyone else thinks," she replied with a shrug. "You are still my Imzadi, and nothing will ever change that."
Her eyes glowed with their usual mischief, and McCoy's face seemed to soften when he realized what she meant by that. He kissed her without hesitation, knowing full-well most of the crew hadn't seen either of them acting this way in public. Emily couldn't hide the small smile that followed when neither of them moved. It was a rare break for them in between their busy schedules. Ever since he was promoted to Chief Medical Officer, he had been busier than ever filling in for whatever Doctor Puri left behind.
"Sometimes I think you enjoy making yourself seem like an enigma," he remarked once they reluctantly pulled apart.
She only smirked in response. She did enjoy pissing people off just for the fun of it, and he knew that. Luckily they didn't have much further to go.
Pike's room was located not far from medbay, giving the staff enough time to keep an eye on the Captain in case his progress worsened. Emily could only imagine what he was going through at the moment. From what McCoy had explained to her, he was confined to a wheelchair now, all thanks to an alien slug that had caused paralysis to his legs. Not for the first time, she was grateful that her system was different from that of the average human. She knew that she would have likely suffered a similar fate had things gone differently.
Once they reached the room itself, Emily exchanged a knowing look with McCoy. He merely gestured for her to go inside where Pike was waiting, and sure enough, the man in question was waiting for her. She couldn't help but look down at the floor instinctively when Pike glanced at them in surprise. One warning look from McCoy was all it took for Pike to sit back down as he struggled to stand.
"He sure knows how to assert his authority around the place," the Captain joked once McCoy gave them time alone. Well, she certainly wasn't going to argue with him over that. McCoy did know when to assert his authority. "I hate being confined to a wheelchair… makes me feel useless when I'm stuck in this room."
He added the last part with a small chuckle, trying to cut through the icy tension that followed. Emily simply crossed her arms and looked at nothing in particular. After what had happened on the Narada, she wasn't sure how he would handle a talk that was long overdue between them.
Pike had always been professional around her, even when he worked alongside her parents. Often times, he did see the abuse she went through with her father. But Pike had tried ignoring it, hoping that her father would outgrow that tendency. Now, he had to live with the guilt and regret of knowing what had happened to her on the Kelvin.
"You wanted to see me, sir?" she deadpanned, hoping to cut to the chase.
Pike swallowed hard when he noticed how stoic she was. Just like when they were aboard the Narada, it seemed as if she was masking her emotions. And she did a good job at doing so. The more he looked at her, the more he noticed just how similar she looked to her mother. The only time he had seen her convey emotions was when she was with McCoy. He hadn't missed how close they were, or that they seemed to bring out the best in each other.
"I wanted to apologize for bringing you with me aboard the Narada," he started after realizing she wasn't in the mood for small talk. "Doctor McCoy has already made it clear how wrong it was to do so, and after seeing the way you handled yourself back there, it made me realize how wrong I was."
Emily eyed him in surprise when she realized what he meant by that. He gestured for her to have a seat in one of the chairs sitting in the back of his room, and she carefully did just that. The last thing she expected was to hear an apology. Considering how closely he worked with her parents for years, she half-expected him to side with them.
"I was hoping that we could buy the crew time to kill the drill," she admitted. Her brows furrowed together as she recalled his debriefing as he led Kirk and the others to the shuttle bay. If his plan had been full-proof, maybe they could have found some way of saving more of the Vulcans. "It seems that wasn't enough to stop Nero from using the weapon."
The Captain grimaced at the memory of finding out that Planet Vulcan had fallen. Not for the first time, Emily couldn't bring herself to imagine what those people were going through. She knew that Nero's men had met their demise, but that didn't make what happened any better.
"Even so, what I did was wrong," he sighed once he straightened up so that he was looking directly at her. Emily rose an eyebrow as their eyes met. "Look, I'm not aware of what your parents did to you, and that shouldn't be any of my concern. I allowed my anger to control my actions, and for that, I'm sorry."
For a moment, Emily wasn't sure how to answer as she understood what he meant by that. It was only until looking him right in the eye when she noticed just how tired he looked. After everything he had been through, she couldn't necessarily blame him for feeling so tired. Pike's actions aboard the Narada had been admirable. The fact that he stood firm while he was tortured as well told her just how strong he was. Emily couldn't help but realize that was why he had been promoted to a Captain. He'd earned his title more often than not.
Her shoulders sagged when she thought of what Coulson had said to her the day she was adopted by him. He never wanted her to know that her parents had fabricated a story describing how she died on the Kelvin. But it had been an agreement he made with them to keep her safe. The more she thought about it, the more grateful she was that Coulson had gone to such lengths to protect her.
"I know," she nodded in understanding. Pike eyed her warily as she looked down at the floor thoughtfully. "I also know that my parents were building up this lie for years to keep Starfleet from figuring out what really happened to me. SHIELD fabricated the story to keep them from taking me back."
His brows furrowed together as he thought of how distant she had been to her parents while they worked aboard the Kelvin. Sure, her mother had been caring in her own way, but once she was weaned off and started walking, they all but gave up on her. The guilt from earlier suddenly came rushing back as he began to realize that all those nights spent in the lab had to have been for a reason.
"They were keeping you safe," he replied. Emily gave another nod, and Pike let out a sigh as he ran a hand through his graying hair. "This is a lot to take in, all things considered. But… I do know that pressing charges against them is the right answer, regardless of the threats they made."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat at the thought of pressing charges. Not once had the thought occurred to her while she was growing up with Coulson. She had always been in safer hands with Coulson, but now that he was gone, they could easily return. The thought sent a shiver of unease through her as she pictured her father glaring down at her, and her mother giving her this disappointed look.
"That doesn't necessarily mean I'll be allowed back in Starfleet," she muttered crossly. Pike didn't look too surprised with that response, or the fact that her fists were now clenched with frustration. "Kirk already told the council everything. He can't take that back."
"No, he can't," Pike nodded in agreement, frowning at the thought of what would happen once this was all over. "I'm going to see what I can do to convince them otherwise." Emily looked at him in disbelief. But when she saw his face crease with determination, she knew he was being serious. "If anything, what happened on the Narada only proves that he and everyone else was wrong. You do have a good heart, and you do belong on this ship."
It took a few seconds for those words to sink in. Eventually, Emily couldn't hide the small smile that followed as she realized what he was implying.
"Thank you, sir," she replied after a moment of silence followed.
Pike simply offered a smile at that, and she returned the gesture. She knew that it would take time for her to recover from everything that had happened. But at least Pike was willing to apologize for the way he'd acted. That was more than she could say about Kirk, who might have tried apologizing, but the apology didn't mean much coming from him.
I'm not going to accept his apology until I know for sure he actually feels sorry for what he did, she reminded herself silently.
"I also think it's fair to say that a trial is needed regarding your parents," he suddenly put in. That was enough for her to flinch visibly. While they had more than enough evidence to show the judge during a trial, she dreaded the moment when she would have to face her parents once again. "After everything they've done to you, it's the least Starfleet could do."
Emily chewed the bottom of her lip at the thought of pressing charges against her parents. The only reason SHIELD agreed not to press charges was because of the deal they made with them. To keep her safe from them, they fabricated the story that made everyone believe she went with the Kelvin.
Instead of arguing with him like she normally would, she gave a reluctant nod of agreement. She knew nothing good would come out of the trial from hell. The only thing she could hope for was that it would go quickly, and she wouldn't have to worry too much about it.