Chapter Thirteen
"Who put all this crap on my face?"
"It's not crap! It's pizza crust… And its stale and gross now."
"Well, what did you think it would taste like?"
Sans shifted, rolling over and burying his skull beneath the pillow. He hadn't a clue what time it was, but figured it was much too early to be up. He kept his eye sockets shut tight, clinging to the foggy reaches of dreamland.
"Happiness, Daezl! It's supposed to taste like happiness!"
"Whatever. Juni, you still have that ring?"
"Ah… Yes, here it is."
"Okay. Then all we need is- put the pizza crust down, you idiot!"
He tried to block out their voices, their presence, their points of view. Daezl stood with arms crossed, glaring down at Miz. Juni yawned and Oro stretched, the both of them slower to wake. Sans tried to cut off whatever unseen signals their souls were sending to his, and plunge back into sleep. Emphasis on tried.
"Sans, get up! I'm not letting you sleep 'til friggin' noon o' clock."
"Shut up," he mumbled. "That doesn't even make any sense."
"I don't care! Get in here!"
He mimicked the noises of a dying whale and rolled out of bed. Sans reluctantly untangled himself from the sheet and gave the bed a surprised look. Since when was he a restless sleeper? Discarding such thoughts, he shoved his hands in his pockets and ambled into the main space.
"I'll get us drinks," said Daezl, donning his black jacket which blended with his fur. "You useless morons better be ready when I get back."
"We love you too," said Oro, at which his brother growled.
With his departure, the rest of the group began some semblance of a wake up routine. Mizera turned on the television and started channel surfing. Oro found a few granola bars for breakfast, handing one to Sans. Juni vanished into a bathroom to freshen up. A few quiet minutes went by of the four of them simply existing in each other's presence. Sans sat next to Oro. Mizera remained on the floor, lying on her stomach, feet swinging back and forth through the air over her tail.
"… found that there was no trace of it upon returning to the scene. This makes the fifth report of the aptly dubbed "ghost fair" in this month alone."
"Boring," said Mizera, and changed the channel.
"Huh. Weird; ghost fair sounds right up your alley," Sans said, tossing aside granola bar wrapper.
She shrugged. "Been to too many."
"Yeah, they get kinda old after the fifteenth," Oro agreed.
Sans allowed the subject to drop, mind wandering to Daezl and the drinks he'd bring. Ketchup-based beverages were few and far between, and he wondered what he'd be receiving if none were on the menu. He stared blankly at the ever-changing TV screen, trying to imagine what coffee must taste like.
The word "gross" came to mind, and a phantom taste assaulted his lack of a tongue. With the right sweeteners though…
He blinked. How did he know that? He'd never tried it. Not once could he recall sampling the caffeinated liquid.
Perhaps it was time to get a few answers. "So, while we wait, can somebody tell me the backstory finally?"
"Oh yeah!"
"We did forget that, didn't we?"
Juni ambled into the room, asking, "what did we forget?"
"To tell Sans about all the stuff he forgot."
"Oh, right! Forgive us, the past few weeks have been- how do I put this?"
"A disaster?"
She snapped her fingers, pointing at Oro. "Yes! That's it." She sat down at the other end of the couch, asking with a sigh, "where do we start?"
"Once upon a time, in a galaxy that was this one, there were these horrible eldritch abominations: that's you and Papyrus! And we all lived in a place called Bloodrune."
"But perhaps that's an explanation for later. Skipping ahead, we were living life peacefully."
"Well, uh, peaceful as it gets for us," said Oro.
Juni nodded, draping her tail over her lap. "Yes, and one day we happened upon a few instances of mind control. The veil between worlds is thinner in Bloodrune, similar to a place named Gravity Falls, we were told. So Siphas was able to influence the people there more strongly than most other places."
Sans shook his head. "Yeah, not sure I follow all this, guys."
"Life's weird, right?"
"Yeah?"
"There's sorta reasons for it being so weird for us. Bloodrune doesn't technically exist, and all. But like-"
"I'm back!"
"That was quick; didja get chased by rabid weasels?"
Daezl rolled his eyes. "Sorta. Saw the cult lookin' around for us, so I just ended up going to one place. Deal with it."
Juni wasted no time in finding the sweetest smelling beverage and claiming it. Daezl took his coffee and the rest of them picked up a cappuccino. Sans eyed the cup suspiciously before taking a wary sip. It was hotter than his phantom throat would've liked, but the taste was a pleasant vanilla, quite unlike the moment he'd half-experienced earlier.
"We were just explaining things to Sans," said Juni with chocolate on her lips. "Care to help us?"
"Later."
"Y'know, you keep sayin' that," he said. "But later never seems to come for you, and so far, nothing anybody's said makes any sense."
"Like I said," said Juni. "Not everything makes sense or has a normal explanation."
He began to speak, when Daezl piped up. "Can't you just stop questioning everything for five minutes and focus?"
"I am focused," he said, putting his half-finished beverage on an end table. "Focused on finding out what's going on."
"There's a Lovecraftian jerk that wants to kill everybody. Her cult's after us. We gotta stop her. It's that simple; that's what's going on, okay? So shut up already and let me think about our next move."
Had it been anyone else, he might've let it be. Daezl's ire found its way into his own soul, however, clawing at it like a rabid lettuce squirrel. He stood, knowing without seeing about the widened gazes fixed on him.
"Hey, criminal mastermind." He snatched the drink from Daezl's hand and shoved it behind him into Mizera's waiting grasp. She skittered away from the duo, and the others kept their distance. "Let's not forget why I'm here. You told the lunatic over there to drug me, and trusted her to do it without turning my brain to mashed potatoes. You guys kidnapped me, and you're saying we know each other? Friends don't kidnap friends."
"Okay, first of all," he yelled, jabbing a stony claw into Sans' chest. "I run things in this group. I'm in charge, and don't you forget that for a second! The idiot did what I told her to, whether or not she understood what I meant!"
He slapped the hand away, glaring up at him. Daezl crossed his arms, tail going wild.
"Second and in case you didn't notice, we're not normal friends. We don't do things the traditional way, and you don't either because you're one of us! You belong with us, like it or not; you just don't remember shit."
"Swear words are bad, Daezl," Oro chimed in.
"Damn right they are. Now shut up," said Daezl, shoving past him and toward the couch. Oro raised his hands in surrender.
Sans turned to him. "Where I belong's with my brother and my real friends, buddy." He practically spat the word. "You're not normal, ya got that right, but there's no way in any universe that you're in charge of me, so get that outta your head!"
Why was he so angry?
Daezl's finger found its way into his face. "I'm the leader here! To put it in a way you'll understand: I'm the captain of this ship, and you're gonna listen to me. What's wrong with you? You were never like this before! We just worked like a… Like we're supposed to!"
Sans smirked at his inability to find a metaphor, and as a new idea came to mind.
"Daezl, say fort."
"What?"
"Say fort."
"Fort."
"Great. Now spell it twice."
He screamed each letter at the top of his lungs despite Juni's gentle attempts to calm him.
"Now say it three times."
"Fort fort fort!"
"Now spell it again."
"F-O-R-T!"
"Great, now say it again twice."
"Fort fort!"
"Now, what do you cut steak with?"
"A SPOON!"
Sans put his hands in his pockets and stared smugly up at him. Daezl stood there, finger frozen in position. Mizera burst into laughter. The other two struggled to contain their amusement. Daezl's eye began to twitch, malformed syllables escaping his mouth.
Looked like Sans wasn't the only one that could short circuit.