Chapter 7 – Duel to the Death
Author's Note: In which truces are broken and made.
WARNING: Failed suicide attempt.
~ Amina Gila
"I didn't realize all this boring paperwork was involved in learning to be a proper Sith," grumbles Ahsoka, setting her datapad down on the table with maybe a little unnecessary force.
"No, but it's involved in learning how to run an Empire." She's fairly certain Vader is a lot more irritated than she is, but it's not showing. Thankfully, or they would have turned this into nothing but a rant-party.
One thing is for sure. He's the strangest Sith she's ever met. He's lost in the Dark Side, but at the same time he... lacks much of the brutality all other Sith wield, and is... almost too caring, honestly. Yes, Dooku was caring at times, but not like this. And there's also the fact that Vader is so uncontrolled that it makes her question the sanity of whoever trained him before Sidious. Well, that would be Kenobi. She always knew he was an arrogant idiot, but she always thought he was old enough to know what he was doing when he took Skywalker as his padawan. Apparently not.
Getting stuck helping her master raise his newborn babies isn't helping. How can a Sith even have a child? Vader's... wife, Senator Amidala, died. Sidious killed her, and now he's stuck raising their twins alone. Except, she's reluctantly dragged in to help him. Seriously, taking care of a baby shouldn't be so ridiculously stressful, but there's nothing she hates more. Or almost nothing. "I'm beginning to think I like babysitting duty better than this!" She misses Dooku. At least he wouldn't have made her do this.
"Focus," Vader snaps.
"Fine!"
Ten minutes or so – it could have been hours for all she cares – Ahsoka looks up again. It's no wonder Sidious was such a grouchy old man, dealing with all this political nonsense all the time. She'll turn out like that before she reaches twenty if she's not careful. "Why haven't you bled your lightsaber crystal yet?"
"I thought I told you to stop talking."
"You did. But I'm curious. I mean you're a Sith, so why would you want to keep your lightsaber blue?"
Vader sighs in a way that heavily implies his patience is running very short. "Sidious never told me, and it isn't something the Jedi teach."
"What?!" Ahsoka all but screeches. "If you're the Sith Master, at least you should try to be convincing about it!"
The death glare Vader gives her would have been enough to frighten anyone else. Luckily, Ahsoka's dealt with Sith Lords her whole life, and manages to remain completely unfazed. She's hardly certain how most Sith are supposed to behave towards their masters, and she's mildly concerned about the future of their Order, because no way is this right.
He looks like he's about to make an equally snarky comeback, but suddenly stiffens, looking up. He looks torn between fear and relief. She's fairly certain that he's sensing something, and this isn't a sign of him about to go all out Sith Lord on her for being annoying, but he is rather unpredictable like that. "Master?" Ahsoka asks quietly, warily. She doesn't know what could be enough to make someone like Vader scared, but she ought to be concerned, too.
"I sense..." He jolts to his feet all at once, gaze riveted on the doorway.
Ahsoka nudges outwards with the Force, trying to sense the traces of some sort of disturbance or danger. All she manages to pick up are the lingering traces of the presence of someone who seems familiar, yet... no. That's impossible. He was dead, right? She threw him off a cliff! How could he have survived that? And if he apparently did, where has he been these past several weeks while they try to run the new Empire?
The door slides open and Kenobi himself steps into the room, pushing back his hood to reveal his face as he enters, the door closing behind him. What does he even think he's doing here?
"We need better security," Ahsoka mutters, but Vader is too focused on Kenobi's sudden appearance to pay her any mind. Because seriously, how did he even manage to get past all of it anyway? The entire area is swarming with clones who would all have shot him on sight if he'd been recognized. They need to do something about this, like right now.
"Anakin," demands Kenobi, a very, very clear undertone of anger in his tone... and on his face. Weird. He never seems to lose his cool, but right now, he looks furious. "What have you done?"
"I didn't do anything," he replies sharply, crossing his arms and glaring back.
"You're a Sith," Kenobi asks in a tone that very much implies he already knows or at least highly suspects the answer. "Aren't you?"
"I have seen the truth," Vader replies harshly. "I've seen it is the Jedi who stand in the way of peace."
"The Jedi have been trying to achieve peace this entire time. You know that!" Kenobi all but snaps, "The Sith were the ones who started the war!"
"Who attacked on Geonosis, again?" Ahsoka hisses, rising.
"The Separatists were planning a war –"
"Sidious was planning a war, and you idiots walked right into his trap!" she yells. "You weren't even smart enough to know he was grooming your own apprentice for years!"
He seems taken aback for a moment, but a moment in which he seems to decide to entirely ignore her statement. "Exactly. Sidious started the war. Not the Jedi."
Ahsoka scoffs disgustedly. "If not for the way the Jedi were: so corrupt and blind to what the Force really told them to do, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. That's exactly why you totally ignored everything Maul and I told you when we fought on Utapau."
"What is she even doing with you?" Kenobi asks finally, turning away from her to face his former apprentice.
"Surprised?" Vader scoffs. "My master is dead, so I was rather in need of an apprentice of my own."
"I have my doubts as to who the real apprentice here is," Ahsoka mutters.
"I don't understand. Why would she want to ally with you when you killed Dooku?"
The entire world feels as though it comes to a screeching halt. That's... With everything going on, with Sidious six feet under and Kenobi assumed dead, she hadn't even thought about who specifically has been the one to kill her former master.
Vader did it. And he never even told her.
The only thing filling her mind is an all-consuming, blinding fury. A craving for destruction and violence, something of the pure Dark Side, something Dooku taught her to control years ago. It's as though whatever ounce of self-control she used to have been zapped away upon hearing the truth. She rips the blades off her belt and ignites them, glaring murderously at her master's killer.
"You don't want to do this," he warns ominously, but she's too furious to care.
"You killed my master," she snarls.
"You tried to kill mine," he challenges. Ahsoka wonders for a moment if he even realizes how protective he's being of his former master. She brushes the thought aside; it doesn't matter.
"It doesn't change what you did," Ahsoka snarls, lunging at him. In a flash, a sapphire blade is activated, intercepting hers. She shoves back against his blade, glaring at her no-longer-new-master, because she's never going to be his apprentice now. She pulls back, slashing at him again, a blow that he easily parries, then counters with his own.
She blocks it with one, then swings high with her other lightsaber, but he's already pulling back, swinging upwards to meet her blow, before instantly swinging for her again. Kenobi takes a step away from the fight, looking uncertainly between the two like he's not sure who he should be supporting if either, or if maybe if he should even get involved at all.
She's sparred with Vader numerous times since becoming his apprentice – she wonders now how she ever agreed to such a thing – and she has to admit that's about the only thing she actually has something to learn from him in. Well, that and the Force, because he's definitely a better duelist and Force user. But she's too mad to care right now. She's going to win this fight, no matter what it takes. She's going to avenge Dooku's death.
Vader swings his blade at her repeatedly, and she spins to meet his blows with both of her lightsabers. She takes a step back, swinging for him this time, first with one blade and then the other. He easily parries both before throwing several attacks of his own at her. Neither side is really gaining any ground on the other, but at the same time Ahsoka knows that he's not fighting as well as he can, even though she is, and it's infuriating. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows her anger is making her dangerously careless, but all sense of reason is gone right now.
Vader Force-shoves her back, and she counters most of it, catching her balance as she skids a short distance away from him. She pauses to catch her breath, glaring back at him as her hands tighten on the hilts of her lightsabers. This is a fight she can't afford to lose. It's her last chance.
Vader makes the first move this time, his blade crashing down onto hers. She shoves it aside, then prepares to lunge at him again, but his blue blade is already there, swinging for her again. She hastily parries it, taking a step back from the force of the blow. She barely has time to block his next strike before the blade is coming at her again, slowly forcing her onto the defensive.
She's fought with Skywalker before, but Vader's different somehow. He's more aggressive in a way, or maybe it's the change in his presence, and he barely gives her room to breathe. She doesn't even have time to recover from one nearly crippling blow before he throws another.
She retreats across the office as the fight circles around the room. Finally, the red and blue lightsabers clash into a saberlock. She struggles to force his blade back, but he doesn't move at all. His metal arm really gives him an unfair advantage.
Finally, in a sudden spur of the moment, she gathers the Force around her, flinging him across the room. He starts moving to counter it, but he's not fast enough. He's flung across the room into the wall, lightsaber falling from his hand.
"Now the student will kill the master," Ahsoka hisses, flipping through the air and bringing her blades down for his head, ready for the kill.
Somehow, his lightsaber is already back in his hand, the sapphire blade igniting to intercept her ruby ones barely in the nick of time. "Getting ahead of yourself, aren't you, Snips?" he mocks.
Blinding anger surges inside of her. That stupid nickname he called her in the past when they fought each other on occasion throughout the Clone Wars. "Don't call me that!" she shouts, "I hate it when you call me that!"
He shoves her back, and she slashes at him in a fury again, raining blows down around him. He easily counters every single one. The fight begins working its way around the room again, the duel a furious blur of red and blue. But she's still not managing to gain any ground on him. Not really. Probably now that he's drawing on the Dark Side so much – even if he's still a pathetic excuse for a Sith – he's far stronger than the other times she's fought him in the past.
The Force suddenly tightens around her neck and Vader lifts her off her feet, throwing her against the wall before releasing her. Pain stabs through her back and arm where they hit the wall, and it makes her angrier. She starts pushing herself up again, only to find Vader's lightsaber leveled at her neck. Her gaze jumps to his face, which bears an unreadable expression. "I can't change the past," he states at last, voice level. "Even if I could, he's not the one I'd bring back."
Ahsoka glares up at him, anger transforming into something that borders on helplessness, and she hates it. If he chooses to end her life, there's nothing she could do to stop him.
Kenobi is saying something, but neither pay him any mind.
Vader's expression is calculating, contemplating almost. Finally, he pulls back, flicking off his lightsaber.
What...? She technically betrayed and tried to kill him. Her new master. Shouldn't that warrant some form of punishment?
He must understand the confusion in her gaze because he steps back, giving her enough room to move. "It might be the Sith way, but that's not my way."
"I don't..." Ahsoka pushes herself to her feet, one hand rubbing her neck. While it might not bruise, it still hurts.
"If you want me to carry through with it, I can, but I fail to see what that would accomplish."
"Anakin." Kenobi steps forwards, a hint of mild horror in his voice. Vader holds up a hand to stop him from intervening on either side.
Ahsoka's emotions are too much of a muddled mess for her to even try to sort through right now. She still wants revenge for Dooku's death, but right now she's hardly even sure what to make of Vader. Not to mention she finally realizes how stupid she was being attacking him like that. He was able to kill her former master who was always so much better than her. What was she even thinking?
She needs to meditate and try to sort this out, but now isn't the time. "Very well," she agrees shakily. If she's going to kill him, she needs a very different approach. "Did – did he tell you to?" She doesn't specify, and probably doesn't need to.
"Doesn't matter," he replies sharply, which she takes to mean as a yes. He was groomed, she remembers. This wasn't his fault, not really. That doesn't stop the burning fury she feels towards him, though.
"What happened?" Kenobi asks, and for the first time, he seems genuinely curious.
"I defeated him," Vader answers tonelessly. "Sidious told me to kill him. I did." Ahsoka barely withholds a snarl for how casually he says it, as if it doesn't matter. He turns away after a moment, lifting his cloak from where he'd dropped it over the back of his chair earlier and pulls it on. "We should take this... elsewhere."
"That, I can agree with," Kenobi says with another pointed glare.
Vader looks like he's contemplating the best way to disappear into his cloak, that's how much he tenses. What is wrong with him? Ahsoka is quite certain he didn't know Sidious long enough to develop that sort of reaction. Apprentices shouldn't react to their masters like that. Never mind that this is his Jedi master. She glances between the two with a frown. Something must've happened because that's not... natural. "I see we both have dad issues," Ahsoka mutters.
"Shut up," Vader growls, glaring at her.
Never mind that about apprentices not reacting that way toward their master. She flinches back in spite of herself, then pointedly turns away to cover up the reaction. "Would you like to take your fight to somewhere like the Temple or would you rather... go throw Senate pods at each other?" she snips instead.
Obi-Wan glares at Vader again, who doesn't meet his gaze this time, before replying stiffly, "That should do."
Leaving them to... do whatever they're about to do with each other, Ahsoka slips away at the first opportunity, moving into one of the adjoining rooms some distance down the hall. She... needs some time to think for a moment. It's strange to be in a place that still feels so much of the Light Side at moments, even with all its occupants gone like this, but it's not like she has anywhere else to go right now.
Ahsoka sinks down to the floor, suddenly feeling completely worn out. The enormity of everything that's happened over the past... has it really been only little more than a week? is catching up to her. She can hardly believe how much her life has changed since before that stupid attack on Coruscant.
Dooku is dead. The only person she ever truly cared about; she would have done anything he asked of her. It's... the true enormity of it has been slowly sinking in over time, but a part of her still seemed to be clinging to the hope that maybe... She's not even sure. But the fact that it's final, that she's never going to see him ever again seems to be hitting her all at once now. Maybe because she finally heard how he died and... everything.
It's hurts, more than anything she's ever felt before. It's a gaping hole inside of her which she's certain nothing could ever fill. Yes, she's supposed to be a Sith. She should be able to manage on her own, she shouldn't care about... family – if that's what this is – so much, but she can't help it. It's ironic. She never truly realized how much she cared for her... father, or how much she always relied on him, until now that he's dead, gone forever.
Her eyes sting with tears, and for the first time in... she doesn't even know how many years, she lets them fall.
Ahsoka isn't sure how long it's been when she finally brings herself back under control. She needs to figure out what she's going to do with herself now.
Can she really go back to calling the very person who killed her father "master", the same title she always used to for him? But really, what else would she do? Dooku would want her to help rebuild the galaxy, even if she has no idea what she's doing, and she privately doesn't think Vader really does either.
Still, a part of her is burning for revenge, demanding she kill Vader for what he's done. It wasn't entirely his fault. Yes, she knows that, but she can't help it. She doesn't know what to do. She feels so incredibly lost, and there's nowhere she can go to for help or ask advice from.
Except Vader. The thought is almost laughable.
If she really wants to kill Vader, she'll have to find a way to do it differently, in a way she knows she'll succeed. She can't fail again, or she willend up dead this time. Vader won't spare her again, of that she's certain.
Still, is killing Vader really what she wants to do? As ridiculous as it is, he's literally the only person left that she actually somewhat knows right now, and the only person who might be able to help her rebuild the Sith Order. Even if she currently knows more than he does... for the most part. This isn't something she's going to be able to figure out right now, at least not entirely. But for now, at least, she'll call it a truce between her and Vader – presuming there's even anything left of him by the time Obi-Wan is done. Or maybe they'll both kill each other.
But then she'd really be lost.
Finally, Ahsoka stands up again, throwing a final glance around the room before she slips back out into the hall. She doesn't really know or care where she's going as she paces through the hallways, passing an occasional clone patrol.
She rounds another corner, only to run right into another familiar clone this time. They've interacted on a few occasions since everything happened, and of course they did meet multiple times on the battlefield as well. "Hey, Rex," she greets him casually.
After whatever Sidious did to make them all turn on their Jedi generals, most of the clones she's seen act extremely... robotic. Rex is one of the only exceptions, and she's not sure why. The clone nods in acknowledgement to her greeting.
"Having fun guarding this... shrine of the now dead Light Side?" Ahsoka quips finally.
"That isn't exactly the word I would use, sir," Rex replies dryly, though his expression is still grim.
"Is something the matter?" she inquires. He seems unusually... disturbed, for whatever reason.
"General Kenobi is here, isn't he?" asks Rex after a moment.
"Yes, he is," Ahsoka confirms, "Why?"
"How is he reacting?"
"As well as you can imagine. Most traitors aren't happy that their treasonous actions have been labeled as such."
Rex sighs. "Where is he now?"
"With Vader," Ahsoka replies, "They wanted to go somewhere to fight it out privately."
She doesn't miss the concern – or was that something a little closer to fear? – that flashes across Rex's face. Really, she doesn't get it. What's up with the way he and Vader were acting about being around Kenobi? The last time she checked, Jedi Masters don't abuse their students or anything... and it's not like they're like Sith, where violence is sometimes a necessary part of training. So, what's up with this?
"Where are they?" Rex asks, taking a few steps down the hall, almost as though he intends to go find them.
"Eh, one of the training rooms. I'm pretty sure they don't want to be disturbed," she replies.
Something unreadable flickers across Rex's face, but he doesn't say anything in response.
"Is there some reason everyone seems so wary about Kenobi's... existence? I mean I get that he's a Jedi, but I'm sure Vader can handle him fine," she says finally, trying to keep her tone flippant while at the same time hoping that maybe she'll actually get an answer to her question.
"That isn't... something for me to discuss."
She should have expected he would totally dodge the question. Fine. It doesn't really matter to her anyway, does it? "Does it always rain so much here?" Ahsoka wonders, moving past the clone to look out one of the nearby towering windows. It's been raining ever since... actually, ever since around when Kenobi first showed up. And before that, it has on and off pretty much the entire time she's been here. Even when it isn't raining, it's always been cloudy. She never realized Coruscanti weather was like this.
"Rarely, actually," Rex replies. "It's been unusually cloudy as of late."
"Well, it's certainly good at keeping the atmosphere depressing," she chirps with fake cheer.
"It's nothing like this on... Serenno?" he asks.
She stiffens at the mention, pointedly staring out into the rain to avoid looking at anyone. "No," she agrees, "It's nothing like Serenno." She wants to go back there, but there's no way she's ready for that. All of Dooku's property there now technically belongs to her – or at least it will once she turns eighteen – but right now, she'd rather stay far away from there. She'd rather avoid it for now... which ironically enough means staying on the very same planet where Dooku died... where he's now nothing but space dust.
"I suppose you're probably used to more rain though," she rambles, more to keep her mind of things than anything else, "Being from Kamino and all. Isn't it like always raining there?"
"Most of the time," Rex answers, "Not always."
"Lovely," she mutters. Serenno was... will always be, her home, and everything about there is something she'll forever miss.
Silence falls over them for a few long moments, and Ahsoka can't help but notice that Rex doesn't seem terribly comfortable having extended conversations with her... or really anyone except his brothers or Vader. Given their life, she supposes that's not really surprising. "Perhaps I should go check on them. Make sure no one's dead," she says finally.
Rex stiffens a little at the mention of it again. "Yes, perhaps you should."
She can clearly feel in the Force how worried he is for Vader, and it's honestly weird. She's run into a lot of clones over the last three years, but none of them ever showed this kind of loyalty. Ahsoka contemplates commenting about it, but then decides against it, heading off down the hall again. Time to see what's going on with Vader and Kenobi.
**w**
"Anakin..."
"Don't. Just don't," Vader warns lowly, not breaking his stride. On hindsight, maybe taking this to the Temple was a bad idea. Now, Obi-Wan can see everything that happened, and... He'll leave you. He'll hurt you. He'll – "Here," he says unnecessarily loudly, stopping in front of one of the training rooms.
"Try not to kill each other," Immuicus requests, stopping behind them. "I don't want to scrape your pieces off the floor."
Someone tell him why he took this maniac as an apprentice. "No promises," Vader replies, opening the doors with the Force. "You may wish to remain in the vicinity... just in case."
She snorts. "Sure."
He enters the room, waiting for Obi-Wan to come in and closing the door behind him. Now that his apprentice is gone, it's just them.
And he is not looking forwards to it.
Obi-Wan proved that he's loyal to, and only to, the Jedi, no matter what that requires him to do to Anakin... or Vader, of course, even to physical harm if necessary. Last time, that ended up in Rex carrying Anakin back to their ship. He knows this will likely end in a fight, and Obi-Wan won't hesitate to hurt him. It feels like he's being strangled by the raw fear consuming him. This is his – his master, his best friend, and he's scared even if he shouldn't be.
"I never would have expected this from you."
The anger and disappointment in Obi-Wan's voice makes him flinch, and the Dark Side rushes through him again. It's feeding off his pain. "You betrayed me," Vader answers lowly. "You betrayed the Republic."
His eyes narrow. "You know that's not true. You allowed this Dark Lord to twist your mind until you became the very thing you swore to destroy."
"Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan," Vader hisses. "I see through the lies of the Jedi, through you." He shrugs off his cloak again and drops it on the ground. Obi-Wan does likewise. Even if Vader has no intent on hurting him, their fight is unavoidable. Even if it's not a duel to the death. "I don't fear the Dark Side. I put an end to the masterminds behind the war. I've brought peace to the galaxy. What more were you going to ask of me?" he demands, bitterness slipping into his tone. "What more do you want from me before you're finally satisfied?"
"Peace?" Obi-Wan repeats. "What about this is peaceful? You built this Empire out of the blood of innocents –"
Vader scoffs. He can't help himself. "Innocents? The Jedi are evil. It was justice."
"Then you are lost," Obi-Wan yells. He unclips his lightsaber from his belt and ignites it.
He knew this was coming, but it doesn't stop the wave of raw pain and rage that crashes over him. His lightsaber is in his hand before he even remembers moving, and he lunges at his former master. Somewhere inside, he knows he doesn't mean to hurt or kill, but he's not thinking logically. It doesn't stop him from raining furious attacks at his opponent, who knows his every move.
The first minute is fast and furious, a flurry of constant motion. Years and years of buried pain and resentment return to surface, the latest two betrayals – Orodia, and Obi-Wan siding with the treasonous Council over him – ringing the strongest. Vader doesn't want to hurt him, not really, but there's also that part of him that rages for vengeance, demanding payback.
"I did what I had to," Vader hisses, their blades pausing for a moment in a saberlock.
"You betrayed us," Obi-Wan shoots back, his fury bleeding clearly into the Force. "Everything you worked for, the Republic –"
"The Jedi betrayed the Republic!" Vader yells back.
"And the Jedi," his former master continues as if he hadn't spoken at all. "All of us." The 'including me' is unsaid, but still so very there.
"This wasn't about you." Their blades clash again, and Vader shoves him back. "I –" He can't say what he wants to, what he maybe should, because the mention of Padme is too painful. "I saw the Jedi commit treason. I wouldn't stand by it."
Obi-Wan stills, and Vader can't make sense of the fleeting way his expression shifts before returning to anger. Which always means disappointment, and – "You're lying. We never –"
"I know what I saw," Vader snaps icily. Even now, even knowing who Sidious is, that moment will never stop replaying in his mind. "I saw them betraying every principle they claimed to stand by, because it suited them, and they wanted power." And it disgusts him. At least he doesn't pretend to be someone he's not. He doesn't pretend to be good and righteous when he's a monster. He doesn't lie to himself. Not like that.
"You're lying," Obi-Wan says again.
Vader snorts derisively. "Tell Windu that." He lunges forwards again, but Obi-Wan is ready. It's amazing how, for the moment, his pain is gone. It's bled away into anger, a fierce demand for vengeance. There's still a part of him, a small part, crying out for acceptance and approval.
He knows his fighting is... sloppy, because he doesn't have a reason to live anymore, not truly. He's not a coward enough to surrender himself to death, even if a part of him craves for it, because he'd deserve it. He has his children. Luke and Leia. And yet... would they be better without him, too? Rex and Sabe and – and Immuicus will take care of them.
It's purely selfish to let himself die, to leave them forever alone, but... that's what he's always been. That's what defines a Sith.
"Don't make me destroy you, Master," Vader warns. "You are no match for the Dark Side."
"The flaw of power is arrogance," Obi-Wan shoots back.
"You are arrogant, to assume you can win." He steps back, panting. "You're not more powerful than the other Jedi, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan narrows his eyes. "Only the weak embrace the Dark Side."
It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't but it does. That in and of itself is proof enough to the truth of the statement. "We already knew that. Anakin Skywalker was weak. I embraced the Dark Side. I am no longer held back by the Jedi, by you." It's not true. It's not, because there's always going to be a part of him that deeply cares for Obi-Wan, even if he loathes it.
Their blades continue their wild clashing, and really, if this was supposed to help him calm down, it's only making him angrier.
The gap in his defenses wasn't entirely intentional, but Obi-Wan instantly takes advantage of it, kicking him. He lands on his back, noticing idly that whatever pain he would've otherwise felt is being channeled into the Force, into the Dark Side, and it's only making him stronger.
His former master appears over him with his lightsaber raised, and in that moment, Vader suddenly finds himself asking: why fight? If the one person who matters most to him would rather kill him than accept him, why keep moving? How long will it be before everyone else turns on him? He doesn't deserve to raise Luke and Leia himself, not when he failed to protect their mother.
He doesn't have time to finish thinking, considering the reality of it, before the sapphire blade is close enough to his neck that he can feel the heat of it. He presses himself against the floor, instinctively flinching away from it. He looks past the blade, up at Obi-Wan. His eyes are burning with anger and his disappointment is painfully obvious. It hurts. It hurts so much, because Vader – Anakin – has only ever wanted acceptance and approval, and...
There's a moment of nothing before Obi-Wan deactivates his lightsaber. Vader pushes himself into a sitting position instantly.
"You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them, bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness," Obi-Wan shouts.
Failure, a voice whispers in the back of his head. He can't remember the last time he felt so worthless and insignificant. A quiet, strangled sound escapes him as a wave of pain crashes over him. Padme's gone, Obi-Wan's gone, and – and the only person he has left is Rex. Too much in such a short time, and it's too much for him to handle. He ducks his head to hide the tears spilling down his cheeks.
He hates how, even now, Obi-Wan has so much control over him. He shouldn't. Vader's a Sith now, and those things shouldn't matter, but they undeniably do. Something inside him snaps, and almost without thinking, Vader tackles him to the floor. "I tried!" he all but screams. "I gave you everything you asked me to!" The soul-crushing, all-consuming pain has been ripping his heart apart, ever since Padme died, and it's somehow getting worse. He wants this to stop. He needs this to stop.
"So, you say," Obi-Wan replies coolly, though there's something slightly less harsh in his tone. "What I see around me implies otherwise." He shoves Vader off him and settles into a sitting position.
Vader scoots away from him, suddenly wanting to put as much distance between them as he can. It's strange how he feels totally, completely drained. "I tried," he whispers again. "You asked me to betray a friendship, everything that I ever upheld. I did it, because you asked me to, but you used me." He looks past the other, staring blankly at the wall.
"Why?" Obi-Wan asks after a few moments of silence. "Why did you do this?"
"I –" Honestly, he hadn't been expecting the question. Obi-Wan very rarely asks to hear his reasoning, and words escape him the moment he tries to answer. He inhales shakily and wipes his face on his sleeve. "The night I crashed the Invisible Hand," he explains slowly. Obi-Wan will, no doubt, only yell at him for not doing something differently. It's fine. He deserves it. It feels like he's being torn apart. Force, he wants it to end. "I had a vision. Palpatine was the only person I knew could help."
"A vision?" Obi-Wan repeats slowly. "Of what?"
Vader ignores him. "Then I saw Windu committing treason. I had a choice, either side with the Republic or die with the Jedi. I chose to live, to help my family."
"The Jedi were your family," he retaliates.
"Some family," he sneers. "You used me like I was nothing more than a tool. Your pet Chosen One. I never mattered."
"Anakin, that's not true," Obi-Wan snaps.
"Oh? You asked me to lay down my life by the word of a Council who could care less what happened to me. They were going to take over the Republic and make me take the fall for it if they failed." The pain and bitterness overwhelm him again, and Vader glares at him. "And when you made me watch you die? When you –" he cuts himself off, unable to finish the sentence. 'When you beat me,' he wants to say. "And when you let my mother die?"
He can't read the expression on Obi-Wan's face. He seems angry and hurt and... disappointed all at once. "You're being dramatic," he snaps. "You know –"
"The only thing I know is that I'm done with being your pawn!" Anakin yells. "You expected me to follow you blindly into a fight I didn't even believe in!"
"Anakin, we weren't trying to get you killed." The tone he's using is something Anakin once would have found soothing, but now he can't find it in himself to trust a word his former master says. "What did you see?" he asks.
Anakin turns away again, eyes landing on his lightsaber where he'd dropped it earlier. He reaches out, pulling it to him with the Force. "Padme," he mumbles, turning the hilt over in his hand. He's held it a thousand times and there's nothing to see, but he can't look at his former master right now. A wave of grief crashes over him again.
"What about her?" Obi-Wan presses.
It would be so easy, he can't help but think, to push the button on his lightsaber, and then it would finally be over. Everything would finally stop. "Dying," he chokes out, "In childbirth. Sidious told me he could save her, but he lied."
"Wait," Obi-Wan interjects, sounding the tiniest bit mind-blown. "She has a child?"
"Twins," he corrects. "Luke and Leia."
"Yours." It's a statement, not a question.
He makes a quiet sound of agreement. "Sidious killed her," Anakin adds, voice shaking. He took everything from me. "I killed him for it. Ahsoka and Maul were there. So was Master Yoda. Immuicus and I were the only survivors." From the incredulous look on Obi-Wan's face, he adds a slightly defensive, "It's her Sith name."
"And all you had to do was betray the Jedi for it," he says, bitterly.
"Am I that unimportant, that I should blindly sacrifice myself for someone who wouldn't do the same for me? No, don't answer that. I know what you'll say. Why should I let my children die for traitors who will rightly be executed, anyway? What if Sidious found and raised them? Do you really think I would submit them to a life of slavery because you asked me to?"
Obi-Wan doesn't respond, and Anakin looks back down at his lightsaber, flipping it over in his hands. This was the weapon that destroyed the Jedi, and no matter how right it was, he doubts it'll ever make him hate himself any less. It would be fitting, he thinks, for it to end him, too. now that the idea has surfaced, he can't seem to shake it off.
"You didn't have a choice, did you." It's more a statement than a question.
He nearly snaps back at him but stops himself. It – he doesn't know. At the time, he thought he didn't, but... he could have, should have done something more. "Look, it doesn't matter. What do you want with me?"
"When I heard what happened, I had to see if it was true. I didn't want to believe it."
"If you're going to tell me how disappointed you are, you've already been over that," he snaps.
"I wasn't, actually." Thank the Force. He wouldn't be able to handle more of it. "I failed you, Anakin."
"Did you, now?" He didn't quite intend the sarcastic note slipping into his voice, but it's there, anyway. "If you mean by choosing the Council, it's what any Jedi would've done." He's bracing himself for the final rejection that's sure to come. Guilt is strangling him, and... there must be something wrong with him, because somehow, as hard as he tries, he never manages to do anything right.
"And what you should have done," Obi-Wan retaliates harshly.
His anger flares, and he lets it crash out into the Force, but he doesn't argue. Not this time. It's... Anakin knows he's not thinking clearly, but he doesn't really care. His fingers trace over the ignition button, and he wonders, really wonders, what it would feel like. Would it hurt worse than the pain already crushing him, or would it be relieving?
The Force seems to curl around him, crying out in protest, and he doesn't have half a second of warning before Obi-Wan tackles him. "What," he demands, and Anakin feels a good amount of horror rushing into the Force, "Why would you do that?"
"Let go of me!" he yells, but exhaustion is overcoming his will to fight back. More than likely, that's why all this happened in the first place. "You wanted me dead! Why would you care?"
"Anakin." Obi-Wan's grip feels strangely gentle, even if it really isn't. Anakin doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget the pale, stricken look on his face. "I never wanted to hurt you. I came for answers. I never wanted you hurt."
"Then why?" he whispers, the fight draining out of him. "Why did you?"
"I only did my duty."
"Which now says to kill me," he replies numbly. "Why won't you?"
"Do you want to die?" He's too close, and the proximity is getting to Anakin's head. It's making him feel trapped and vulnerable, and he hates it.
"Get off me," he snarls instead of answering. Obi-Wan complies, thankfully, and tugs Anakin upright.
"Do you?"
Anakin looks away. He can't answer the question. Yes, he does, but... but logic says otherwise. He might still be needed, but the pain smothering him is too much to handle. Tears sting his eyes again, and he blinks them away. Really, he's lost enough of his dignity today.
"Anakin." Great, now he's getting annoyed again.
"I don't know what you want me to say," he retorts.
"I don't know how this happened. You were always so energetic, so self-confident. Where is this coming from?"
"I pretended, and you never noticed. It didn't matter to you."
"Yes, it did." He doesn't have the annoyance in his voice that Anakin expected. "It always mattered."
"You certainly never showed it," he says dully. "Because all I remember, every time I tried to tell you, was – was you telling me I imagined it."
Obi-Wan, surprisingly, remains silent.
Anakin looks away again, exhaustion nagging at him. Right now, he thinks he could crash for a week. Maybe more. He can't. He still has the Empire to take care of, and... "Stay with me," he requests. "Help me raise my children."
"I will," he agrees quietly. "I'll stay with you."
Anakin lets out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding. "Thank you." He won't go. It's... not much, but it's something.
"We need to know where we'll go from here."
"Try to sleep."
Obi-Wan smiles, even if it's pained. "Yes, that would be advisable."
He'll need to think of some way to keep Obi-Wan out of the eye of the Empire for now, because he is a traitor. There's nothing Anakin can do about that. They'll have to do something else. "If you could try to stay out of sight, for now, it would be good."
The knock on the door snaps his attention back into the present. "Anyone still alive in there?" Immuicus yells. Why did she have to come and ruin the moment?
"Surprisingly, yes," he confirms. He wants to stay here, but his apprentice is waiting – apparently – as is the galaxy. Anakin drags himself to his feet.
Whether he's ready for this or not, which he definitely is not, it's time to get back out. He still has the roles of Emperor, Sith, and father to fill. But at least now Obi-Wan is still here, even if he still isn't sure it's going to stay that way, and even if they still have a very long way to go to rebuild... or recreate whatever relationship they might once have had.
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