Six

'You know, we've got more important things to worry about than some mission you were sent on,' McCoy sounded exasperated through their mental link, not that Emily couldn't blame him.

'Look, we both agreed that I would continue working for the agency part-time,' she reminded him. 'I know we just got back from our four-month mission, but the boss wants me to be on this case since it's close to home.'

The mission itself was a little too close to home for comfort. When Emily and McCoy had finally gotten back from their four-month mission, she was immediately called off to join Natasha and Clint on another SHIELD sanctioned mission. McCoy hadn't been thrilled with the idea of her going off on yet another mission, but he couldn't complain too much. They had agreed on those terms, much as he hated to admit it. He knew that the agency was still important to her, and try as he might to argue with her, he knew better than to continue pointing out the obvious. Especially when Clint was involved… Clint was still on edge around McCoy, and Emily couldn't quite blame him for feeling that way.

She tried pushing the uneasy thoughts aside as she leaned against the side of the building overlooking the streets of San Francisco. The mission itself had been simple enough: Tag the black-arms dealer and bring them into custody. Though Emily suspected that wasn't going to be easy. The dealer himself had been elusive to the agency ever since he rose an alarm nearly a year ago. After discovering that weapons from Starfleet and Stark Industries were being sold off under an anonymous name, the agency was able to trace the seller back to Starfleet. Emily knew nothing good would come out of the Fleet getting involved in SHIELD business, but she suspected they had no choice in this matter.

'I'm still not happy with the idea of you going out like this,' McCoy complained. 'All I wanted was a nice weekend we could have to ourselves.'

Emily pursed her lips together when McCoy added the last part. It was only until picturing him on top of her that she bit back a groan of annoyance. She knew that was what he wanted… and if she was being honest with herself, it was what she wanted as well. But now she needed to focus on her mission. Natasha threw her a wry look when she caught the expression written across her face. Try as she might to hide it, Emily couldn't deny the sense of longing she felt towards McCoy. Now more than ever, she wanted him by her side.

'Relax, cowboy. When I get back you can have your way with me,' she reassured him.

She knew that wasn't going to help much. She could already imagine him getting himself worked up over the fact that she wasn't there. It was enough for her to squirm uncomfortably in the suit she was currently wearing, and one smirk from Natasha was all it took for her to realize she was letting them see how vulnerable she was. She nearly rolled her eyes when Clint finally hopped down from his perch to join them, looking more annoyed than anything else when he noticed the face she was making earlier. It wasn't as if she'd asked for him to forgive McCoy for acting the way he had years ago… she knew he would never forgive the doctor, much less move on.

"So exactly what are we looking for as far as missions are concerned?" Clint asked as he lazily leaned against the wall.

Emily rolled her eyes at his nonchalant way of handling the mission at hand. This was simply how he handled them. She'd quickly learned after years of working alongside of him that this was his way of handling stress. He never got tired of dealing with it. But Emily knew this was also because he'd grown up on the streets and with the circus. Top that with having kids of his own, and Clint was a master at maintaining a good poker-face.

"There've been recent reports of groups wandering around the piers late at night," Natasha explained while rolling her eyes at his nonchalant behavior. Emily snorted in amusement at the sight. She knew he wasn't happy with being called away from his family, especially since Amelia's birthday was only a few days away. "Apparently they've been trading weapons that aren't even available to the public yet under the blanket of night. Anyone caught in the crossfire usually turns up dead a few days later."

Emily grimaced when she realized what Natasha was implying, "Were any of them Starfleet Officers?"

"There were a couple of Cadets involved in the incidents," Natasha replied with a frown. Clint leaned forward with renewed interest at the mention of Starfleet. "If there's any involvement with them, we would've likely heard about it."

She chewed the bottom of her lip doubtfully. If Cadets were getting killed in the name of a black market trade, she knew nothing good would come out of it. Especially if the agency was somehow involved. A shiver of unease swept through her at the thought. She'd only just begun earning the trust of Starfleet's main Council. The last thing she wanted was to give them any reason to hate her again.

"You're more worried about what they'll say if you're somehow involved in this mess," Clint finally spoke up for the first time that night. Emily narrowed her eyes when she realized what he was implying. "Isn't that the only reason Fury's asked us to be part of this mess?"

"Fury requested us because we work well together as a team," Natasha rolled her eyes at his comment. She had been indifferent since Emily chose Starfleet over the agency. But Clint hadn't been quite as forgiving. Not that she couldn't blame him. "Emily is still part of the team."

"Is she?" Clint narrowed his eyes this time and gave her a pointed look. Fury swept through her the moment she realized he was accusing her of being disloyal to the agency. "Because from what I've seen over the last few months, you've done nothing but turn your back on us. All for the sake of someone who turned their back on you."

Her jaw clenched the moment he brought up her failed relationship with McCoy. She knew he was still angry with the fact that she and McCoy were seeing each other again. That she had been so quick to forgive him for everything that happened. But at the end of the day, his opinion was irrelevant. Her heart already knew what it wanted, and there was no denying the lingering feelings she had for McCoy. After everything that happened between them, she wasn't in any hurry to go back to her old habits.

"You can complain about me all you want, Barton. But don't you ever bring Leonard into this mess," she finally snapped, the tone of her voice dangerously low. "He's done more for me than anyone I've ever known."

"Guys, would you stop arguing and actually work together for a change?" Natasha let out a sigh of frustration when she realized this was turning into a full-blown argument. It was bad enough the team had argued for hours on end aboard the Hellicarrier. But to deal with it now only made things that much worse. The redhead knew how stubborn they both were, and they would likely look for any excuse to keep arguing with each other if they could get away with it. "Clint, I know you're not happy, but we still have a mission to finish."

She threw the archer a knowing look, daring him to continue arguing. Emily swallowed hard when she caught the scathing look Clint threw her. The way his mouth twisted in a line of anger told her this was far from over. She held back a sigh of frustration when he finally gave a reluctant nod, knowing full-well that they needed to work together if they wanted to prevent further attacks.

Once that was established, they reached an agreement to stake out the area for the next few nights. She knew McCoy wasn't going to be happy knowing they wouldn't be back until the mission was accomplished. But at least he understood the risks they were taking in order to protect the area. Her heart wrenched as she thought of the argument she had with Clint. He was right about one thing - she'd chosen Starfleet over the agency on more than one occasion. It was enough for her to realize that the tables had turned dramatically since she first enlisted. Years ago, she would have never imagined being part of Starfleet.

Funny how that works, she nearly rolled her eyes as a dog suddenly started barking late into the evening.

Emily stood on the rooftop of a building, leaning against the railing as she observed the area surrounding her. Natasha had already secured an area around the piers, making sure that no one got in without her watchful gaze. Clint sat on another rooftop with the same thought in place. The sooner they got this mission done and over with, the better off everyone was.

"Station one is secure," Natasha announced through the earpiece. "The two of you might want to get a head start."

She wasn't going to add to the fact that Emily and Clint had been arguing with one another just a few hours ago. Emily nearly rolled her eyes when she heard Clint muttering something under his breath. He would never admit out loud that it had been out of line to argue at the time. Or that she hadn't deserved getting reamed out for that matter.

"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" Clint finally spoke out loud as he joined her down on the streets below.

Emily joined him seconds later, not missing the fact that Natasha was approaching from the shadows. They avoided using the streetlights for a reason. The last thing they wanted was to draw attention to themselves. Though Emily had a feeling that it wouldn't be long before they were caught out in the open.

"Arguing is a waste of everyone's time," she muttered under her breath.

The archer threw her a scathing look, one that was normally reserved for agents that dared to try and undermine his authority. She knew she was no better in that assumption. But she was tired of dealing with the tension between them. Clint had always been a good friend since they first met, but it seemed that was all thrown out the window the moment she and McCoy started seeing each other again. Considering the many times they'd gotten into shouting matches both on the ship and outside the ship, she wasn't surprised with Clint's reaction. But, he'd also seen her when she was at her lowest point. Clint was there for her when McCoy had abandoned her, and she knew she could never forget that.

"It's also a good way to distract yourself from the main mission," Natasha put in with a voice full of exasperation.

As if to prove her point, Emily caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Luckily, Clint caught it too. Faster than anyone could react, he fired an arrow at an approaching enemy. It didn't take long for the streets to crawl with more enemies swarming them. Emily narrowed her eyes the moment she realized this had been an ambush. All at once, her thoughts drifted to the time she and Natasha had been overwhelmed by sheer numbers. She tried pushing aside the uneasy feeling as she ducked to dodge a blow to the face.

More and more enemies were swarming them, and one in particular caught her interest. One of them was holding on to a black case with the Starfleet insignia. Emily narrowed her eyes and charged after the enemy in question, not missing the fact that Natasha and Clint were holding their own in the firefight. She was suddenly grateful that there weren't any civilians caught in the crossfire.

Imagine what the Council would say if they found out, she thought bitterly.

She was shaken from her thoughts when the enemy in question suddenly swung around and nearly slammed the case across her face. Emily ducked just in time, narrowly avoiding a serious injury in the process. She realized with a start that the enemy in question was also an AIM agent. AIM was another agency similar to SHIELD, only they worked with whomever paid the highest price. Not to mention they preferred hostile takeovers that ended in disaster for most companies that worked with them. She knocked the agent out before they could inflict further damage, though not without receiving a few bruises here and there in the process.

Her shoulders sagged when Natasha and Clint regrouped a few minutes later, both having taken care of the rest. Natasha rose an eyebrow when she saw the case Emily was holding. She knew the case in question was the reason behind the agents trying to swarm them. She couldn't shake off the feeling that nothing good would come out of Starfleet getting dragged into their mess.

"Do you recognize the weapon?" Natasha asked when she reached her.

Emily frowned as she opened the case in question. The weapon inside was something she'd only seen images of in the database. Security had been working on phasers that would inflict further damage without backfiring on the holder. The weapon itself was smaller and sleeker in design, which meant it was also easier to hide. She could already imagine the amount of chaos that would unfold if a weapon like that got into the wrong hands.

"It's a prototype phaser," she explained warily. "Security was working on a weapon that would be easier to hide for Officers working under cover, or for self-defense."

"Sounds like something SHIELD would want to get their hands on," Clint muttered as he finally joined them.

She just rolled her eyes at his comment.

"If the weapon falls in the wrong hands, it could cause major problems with both Starfleet and SHIELD," she retorted. "This is what the boss was trying to prevent."

"We need to find a way to keep this from happening again," Natasha pointed out.

She pursed her lips together when a new idea came to mind. It was risky getting Starfleet involved, but Emily knew they still owed her for everything that happened.

"Admiral Pike still owes me a favor for what he did during the Battle of Vulcan," she explained without missing a beat. "I think it's time I paid him a little visit and received that favor."

Neither said a word as they followed her towards Daystrom. Starfleet's headquarters had become the central hub for herself and the rest of the Enterprise crew. When she agreed to stick around with Starfleet, it had been a relief when Admiral Pike finally saw that she wasn't a threat. If anything, he actually apologized for the way he acted back on the ship. She had been thoroughly surprised with the way he apologized and tried making amends.

It was only until after that incident that Emily began to notice how much Pike cared about his crewmates. There was a reason he'd become Captain in the first place, and she could see it now more than ever after the way he handled the trials.

Once she reached the office where Admiral Pike was working, she didn't give him a chance to complain about their sudden arrival. Natasha and Clint were at either side of her, both looking rather curious as to what would happen once they reached his office. Both had seen what the Admiral was like during the trials, and how much he had changed within the short time of realizing who Emily really was.

Despite the chaos that erupted from the trials, Pike had been going out of his way to make up for what happened aboard the Enterprise and the Narada. She'd reassured him more than once that it was all for the sake of keeping everyone safe, though that never seemed to be enough for him. Not that Emily was surprised with the notion. She suspected he still felt guilty for what he hadn't seen when he worked alongside her parents aboard the Atlantis.

"What can I help you with?" he finally asked after recovering from his initial surprise.

"This was apprehended just a few minutes ago outside of Starfleet's headquarters," Natasha spoke up first. She pulled out the case that she'd taken from the agent they knocked out just thirty minutes ago, opening it to reveal the weapon in question after placing it on his desk. "The agent in question had a weapon that was designed for Starfleet Officers."

It took Pike a few seconds to realize what Natasha was implying. Emily crossed her arms over her chest and stared at his desk thoughtfully. Despite the fight from earlier, she knew that their evening could have been worse. She had already begun to figure out where the weapon came from in the first place. There were numerous possibilities, but one direction led to a certain Officer who had been teaching classes in weapons and development.

"And you're suggesting that it was someone from Starfleet who was responsible for this assault?" Pike guessed. Emily didn't miss the steely-eyed look he threw her. She of all people understood what it felt like to be accused of something she wasn't. She wouldn't have normally jumped to that conclusion unless it truly was something serious. "You do realize how serious an offense it is to accuse someone of such a felony?"

"We're aware of how serious it is," Emily retorted through gritted teeth. She refused to back down under his piercing gaze as Pike began to realize that she understood what he was referring to. "Admiral Barris… he's the one responsible for shipping out those weapons to outside agencies."

Pike frowned when he realized that what she said made sense. He tapped away on the data PADD in front of him. He had been aware of the unusual amount of activity near the docks over the last couple of months. More so was Admiral Barris' odd behavior as of late. Even he couldn't deny that something was clearly wrong with the man. The problem was, once word slipped out of Barris' betrayal, there would be hell to pay throughout the Fleet.

Starfleet was like family to him. He had always seen it as an outlet to better improve his skills and mindset. To hear that someone had worked to undermine their authority and give the Fleet a bad name made matters worse. His frown deepened as he caught Emily looking between Clint and Natasha. Both SHIELD agents had kept their faces impossible to read, but he could tell that they were ready to fight tooth and nail for her.

"I'm afraid it isn't in my place to give you the authority to go after Barris," he finally relented. Emily was hardly surprised with his response. She had been bracing herself for the outcome that would follow. It wasn't fair to drag him into something that would give Starfleet proof that he worked against them. Besides, she had already decided that this would be a SHIELD operated offense. If anything happened that would damage Starfleet's reputation, she would take full responsibility. "I can, however, tell you that it's important you catch the culprit in question."

Emily stiffened in surprise. The last thing she expected was to hear support coming from the Admiral. After everything they had been through, she wouldn't have blamed him for wanting nothing to do with SHIELD. She had a feeling that if they did find out Barris was responsible for these recent attacks, it wouldn't end well for anyone. She felt Clint and Natasha shift uncomfortably at the mention of catching the man responsible for said attacks.

"We'll do our best to keep Starfleet out of the crossfire," Natasha reassured him.

"Just try not to get yourselves killed in the process," Pike added while shooting Clint a knowing look.

She struggled to keep a straight face when the archer narrowed his eyes at that comment. At the time, poking fun would have seemed like a good idea. But their last few arguments hadn't ended well for either of them. Emily swallowed hard when they left the office, not missing the scathing look Clint was now giving her.

"Exactly what happened to warrant that kind of response?" Clint demanded once they were out of earshot.

"It isn't anything you haven't already heard," she rolled her eyes in exasperation.

She refused to back down when Clint opened his mouth to argue, only for Natasha to give him a warning look. He knew in that moment that this wasn't the time or place to keep arguing. Emily's shoulders sagged in relief once Clint finally gave in and left them standing there. She had a feeling this wasn't the last time she would be hearing from him.

"He's not going to make this any easier," Natasha remarked once he was gone.

"No, he's not," she let out a sigh of frustration. Emily glanced at nothing in particular, suddenly feeling self-conscious under those piercing eyes. Natasha knew her well enough to know that this was eating away at her. That she felt guilty for putting Clint in this position, along with everyone else from the agency. "And truthfully, I can't blame him for feeling the way he does. He was there to see how far I spiraled… he knows what I went through."

"Which is why he hasn't forgiven McCoy for what he did," Natasha replied with a knowing look. Emily swallowed hard when Natasha gave her a sympathetic look. "Look, I know this isn't easy for either of you. But it's clear that you never stopped caring for McCoy, even after everything that's happened."

She couldn't help but flinch when she realized that Natasha was right. As much as she hated to admit it, she never stopped looking after McCoy. He'd always meant so much more to her than anyone she'd ever known. She supposed that was why it had been easy for her to forgive him, even after all this time.

"We have a bond," she finally admitted. Natasha rose an eyebrow at the loose term. "It's kind of hard to explain, but apparently I'm able to do it with anyone I meet. My powers have the ability to make these connections with people I meet… it usually happens with physical contact. But my bond with Leonard was stronger than anyone else." She paused for a moment, thinking back to when the bond first began. "I guess it just grew stronger over time, and it never faded."

"That's why Coulson was always so careful around you," Natasha said thoughtfully. Her brows furrowed together at the thought of having powers like that. Emily had been looking further into her abilities and what they were capable of. She wished there was more research invested in them, but even that was limited due to the lack of knowledge on what she was. "I'm surprised McCoy was okay with the idea of sharing a bond with someone."

Guilt stabbed her in the chest the moment Natasha said that. Mostly because she knew McCoy hadn't been happy. He'd given her hell from the moment she told him about her powers and the bond they now shared. It took time for him to accept that they shared a telepathic bond, and that his thoughts were no longer private.

"He was… less than happy with the notion," she murmured. She didn't miss the look Natasha was giving her when she brought that up. Or that she had been quiet upon her response. "It took a while for him to accept it."

Even then, she doubted McCoy would ever be happy with the idea of sharing his thoughts with someone. He never admitted it out loud, but he didn't need to. She quickly learned over the last couple of years that it was better to stay quiet than admit that it hurt. Sharing the way she felt about anything only seemed to lead to disaster.

"You know if he ever makes that mistake again, he won't live to see another day." Emily was hardly surprised with the threat when she caught the dark look sweeping across Natasha's eyes. Though the redhead did her best to hide her emotions, there was only so much she could do to mask them around someone who did the same thing. "We were all there to see what happened to you."

Emily swallowed hard as understanding dawned on her. She still bore the scars of those darker days. Her wrists were covered in marks left by sharp objects that were found whenever she suffered from horrible nightmares. It had taken everything not to go back and carry on like that. Coulson was the first to pull her out of the darkness. Then Clint and his family had been there to help, soon followed by Natasha. She rubbed her wrists warily, knowing full-well that Natasha meant what was said.

"I'm well aware of what would happen if we went down that path again," she nodded in agreement. "But it won't…"

That didn't stop the doubt from seeping through her voice. Natasha didn't look too surprised at that. She was about to say something else when a familiar face cut her off. Emily narrowed her eyes once again when she caught Kirk giving them wary looks. She knew he would always feel that way around Natasha. But it often left her wondering how he really felt about her. If he did trust her like he kept alluding to.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded once it became clear they weren't there for a normal conversation.

Natasha wasted no time in slipping away before she was dragged into what appeared to be a full-blown argument. Emily nearly rolled her eyes at that. She was tired of being dragged into argument after argument. She was tired of being accused of one thing after another. She was tired in general, and at that point, she wanted nothing more than for a hole to open up and swallow her.

"For one thing, I'm a Starfleet Officer," she reminded him in a tone that dared him to argue, "And for another, this doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Clearly it does if you're suggesting that," he countered after crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm guessing Pike was dragged into this too?" When she didn't answer, Kirk narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Look, it's hard enough for me to trust someone who clearly still works for the agency. But dragging Pike into this mess just makes it that much worse."

Emily let out another sigh of frustration as she realized there was no backing out of this. He'd just been looking for the right time to bring up another argument that would lead to disaster.

"Admiral Pike never agreed to be part of anything," she snapped once it became clear there wasn't a way out of this mess. "The only reason I'm here is because this is official SHIELD business."

Kirk opened his mouth, ready to argue, when he saw just how exhausted she really was for the first time. She hadn't even gotten the chance to spend time with McCoy when they got back from their mission. She knew at the end of the day that this was part of being involved with SHIELD and Starfleet. But it was mind-numbing to think she couldn't go back and relax anytime soon. Kirk finally let out a sigh when he realized that he was just making things worse.

"I'm sorry," he finally apologized. Emily rose an eyebrow in surprise, doubting he actually meant what he said. But when she caught the look written across his face, she saw the sincerity in his eyes. "I know you don't fully trust me, and I don't trust you… I get that. At least let me help in some way."

For a moment, Emily didn't know what to say when she realized what he was implying. She couldn't imagine him working for the agency. He wasn't that type of person. But at the end of the day, if he was willing to help her, she wasn't going to turn down the offer. Her shoulders finally sank in defeat as she looked at nothing in particular once more.

"Alright… we could always use the backup," she muttered.

.

.

Emily sank into the bed and let out a groan of exhaustion. The moment she returned to their apartment was when reality came crashing down on her. Between the arguments and everything else, she didn't know what was worse. Then there was the fact that Kirk was willing to put himself in harm's way just to prove his point. He hadn't mentioned why he wanted to get involved with their mission, but she had a feeling it was his way of keeping an eye on them. Which told her he was about to put his life on the line for nothing. She swallowed hard at the thought, knowing full-well that she would never forgive herself if anything happened to him as well.

It was late by the time she got back, yet she noticed with a start that McCoy was gone. She knew he worked horrendous hours at the medical center, since he normally took on the hours that no one else wanted. He would often work the graveyard shifts just to make up for whenever they were out in space. That didn't make her time alone any easier. She shifted so that she was facing the line of pictures that adorned the bookcase closer to the bed.

She realized with a start how much happier she and Leonard had been before his father fell ill. Before she was taken captive and tortured for nearly a year. Their lives had always been an uphill battle from day one, but it only seemed to get worse over the years. She swallowed hard as she thought of what Clint and Natasha said. They were right about being concerned over what would happen if they went down that path again. She knew in the back of her mind that she probably wouldn't be able to handle the despair. Knowing that much left her gut wrenching with guilt once again. She desperately wanted to reach out to McCoy through their mental link once more, but she knew nothing good would come out of it. He would know something was bothering her, and she didn't want to add to his list of things to worry about.

I'm tired of being seen as nothing more than a burden, she thought bitterly.

She was on the verge of looking for something to keep herself distracted when she heard the door creak open. Relief swept through her the moment she realized McCoy was back. Though it didn't last long when he reached the bedroom. Her heart sank even further when she saw the look written across his face.

"What happened?" was all he asked when he reached her.

Emily swallowed hard when she caught the knowing look he was giving her. He read her easily enough to know that something was bothering her. She refused to let it show, but he could read it loudly enough in her thoughts. She let out a sigh of frustration and looked at nothing in particular as another wave of guilt crashed over her.

"Clint and I fought today," she admitted. McCoy rose an eyebrow in surprise at the mention of the archer. He of all people knew how well they normally got along, almost treating one another as if they were siblings. "He's still angry with the fact that I chose you over the agency… I don't think he'll ever forgive what happened."

McCoy narrowed his eyes when he realized what she was implying. She hung her head in defeat, knowing full-well that this had been mostly her fault. It wasn't until feeling his arms wrap around her that she finally broke. She had been desperate to try and bury her emotions. But in that splitting moment, everything came rushing out in the form of a quiet sob. He knew this was years of hiding her emotions from the rest of the world coming back in the form of tears. There wasn't much he could do in that moment aside from comfort her, and he hated that notion.

"He doesn't have the damn right to accuse you of anything," he finally let out a sigh of frustration. Emily couldn't help but wince at the tone of his voice. "Or the fact that you're following what you believe in."

"He has a point though," she said quietly. She couldn't help but flinch when McCoy let go, giving her a look of disbelief in the process. "I chose one agency for another... and it was the same agency that tossed me aside…"

She couldn't bring herself to finish when McCoy just stared at her as if she'd grown wings. He couldn't seem to believe that she was willing to admit that out loud. That she still didn't fully trust Starfleet even after all this time. Her heart was twisted with so much guilt that it was mind-numbing. She knew at the end of the day that he deserved someone better. That she wasn't worth all the hassle.

"Emily, I don't give one damn what anyone else thinks." Emily finally met his piercing gaze. "You mean so much more to me than just a friend or even a girlfriend. Losing you would mean losing everything."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when she realized what he was implying. He was willing to admit just how much he loved her. She knew she sure as hell hadn't done anything to deserve that kind of loyalty or devotion. But the fact that McCoy was willing to admit it out loud meant more than she would ever say. She suddenly pulled him into a warm embrace, wishing she had more than enough time with him in that moment.

"Thank you… for everything you've done," she whispered.

McCoy wasted no time in returning the gesture, capturing her lips with his once more. She melted into his warm embrace, relishing the comfort he provided. She hadn't done anything to deserve it.

"For you darlin', it's worth everything," he reassured her when they reluctantly pulled apart.

She allowed herself a rare smile, knowing full-well that was just a comforting lie.