Seven
"Remind me again how this is a good idea?"
"Because you're the one who questioned my loyalty."
Emily nearly rolled her eyes in exasperation as Kirk threw her an incredulous look. She and Natasha were working around the clock in getting him ready. It had taken a few calls to convince Admiral Barris to meet up with Kirk. After what felt like hours of breaking through the barrier and convincing him otherwise, Barris finally agreed to meet with Kirk later that evening. Though in truth, it was an uneasy alliance on Jim's part. He wasn't happy with the idea of being thrown at the center of whatever was going on with SHIELD. But the moment he found out Emily was involved was when he decided to throw himself into the fray.
She wasn't entirely surprised with his lack of interest in the task looming ahead. The only reason Kirk agreed to be part of this showdown was because he'd seen her leaving Admiral Pike's office along with Natasha and Clint. He knew in that moment that her visit had been official SHIELD business. And it only served to remind her that he didn't fully trust her. She was well aware that it would take years for him to trust her, if he ever did because of her job. But at the moment, she was grateful that he wanted to help out in whatever way he could.
It was with that notion that she had him standing in the middle of their apartment early in the afternoon. McCoy was busy working at the medical center while she and Natasha worked with Kirk. She hadn't seen or heard from Clint since their argument last night, telling her that the archer hadn't gotten over their latest fight. It hurt knowing that Clint was still so unhappy with her. But at the end of the day, making sure they took care of the AIM agents before apprehending the weapon was what mattered the most.
"Look, it's not that I'm questioning your loyalty, I'm just…" Kirk couldn't bring himself to finish when she gave him a shrewd look. She knew full-well what he was implying. "I'm not saying—"
"Save it," she cut him off as Natasha reached them with a black leather jacket. Emily rose an eyebrow in amusement as she studied the jacket in question. "Didn't Leonard wear this thing at Lila's party?"
"More or less," Natasha replied with a knowing look. Though she didn't let it show, she was hiding a wide grin at the prospect of making Kirk squirm. "The same one she threw up on the moment Laura tried letting him hold her."
It took everything she had not to laugh at Kirk's expense. His nose wrinkled in disgust when he realized what they were implying. The first time McCoy had been introduced to Clint's family hadn't ended on a high note. Lila had only been one at the time, but she was also suffering from a stomach bug when Laura unexpectedly handed the little girl over. The whole thing had been hilarious, especially since Lila had calmed down immediately when Emily took hold of her.
"Tell me he at least sanitized the thing?" he asked when Natasha tossed it his way.
Emily shared a smirk with Natasha, not missing the way her eyes seemed to glow with laughter.
"You told him you would wash it," Natasha told her in Russian.
"Guess I must've forgotten," she replied with a cheeky grin. By now, they were both struggling not to laugh when Kirk gave them an incredulous look. "I was hoping to use it as Karma towards Leonard, though I never needed to. I'm surprised he's kept it."
"You might want to warn him when this is over," Natasha warned her.
She made a mental note to do just that, not missing the way Kirk kept looking between them incredulously. He knew in that moment that they were just poking fun at him and the fact that he was squirming. Seeing him look so uncomfortable under their piercing gazes was enough for Emily to feel a little better. Though she also knew it wasn't entirely fair to pin the blame on him.
It was bad enough that they had to spend the next three days on a stakeout with Kirk in tow. The Captain hadn't been happy with the idea of having to sit still while waiting for any evidence to support their claim. It wasn't until seeing suspicious activity on Admiral Barris' part that he finally concluded what everyone else thought. Barris was seemingly innocent in all of this. But that didn't stop Emily from alluding to the fact that no one was innocent until proven otherwise. That had to be the worst part of espionage. She hated having to wait for anything let alone the evidence they were looking for to push towards Barris and his arrest.
Once Kirk managed to establish enough trust in Barris to meet up with him, Emily knew he was a good fit for their task. Though that didn't stop her from worrying about his safety. This job was far from easy. There were risks involved whenever outsiders were included in said mission. She'd seen too many outsiders take said risks that usually led to disastrous results.
"Are you talking to each other in Russian?" he finally cut through the awkward silence that followed. Natasha continued working on his disguise, ignoring the strange look he kept giving her in particular. "Come on; I've spent enough time with Chekov to know what Russian sounds like."
"We've been taught to speak in multiple languages," Emily replied while Natasha continued her work.
It wasn't as if Natasha was ignoring his presence entirely. She preferred staying quiet throughout the conversation, knowing full-well that Jim was trying to get a read on who she was. That didn't stop the Captain from eyeing Natasha with renewed curiosity. Emily nearly rolled her eyes as she guessed what was really on his mind.
"So, is that where you're from?" he asked curiously. "You hide it well, but there's a hint of an accent whenever you—"
He wasn't given the chance to finish. Emily stifled a fit of laughter when Natasha squeezed the material a little too hard, knocking the wind out of his lungs in the process. Natasha merely offered an innocent smile while Kirk doubled over in pain, trying to hide the fact that she'd inflicted so much damage without even lifting a finger. Emily watched the scene in amusement, shaking her head as she thought of the many times Natasha had pulled off similar stunts on herself when they started getting to know one another.
"You were saying?" she asked with an amused smirk. "He really is annoying. I'm surprised you're willing to put up with him."
"I've put up with Clint for this long, haven't I?" Emily countered with a shrug of her own.
Natasha's smirk quickly faded into a frown. Memories of their argument the other night were still fresh. It didn't help knowing that Clint wasn't even there. He'd left them once it became clear that she would keep arguing with him. Neither of them wanted to admit that maybe he'd crossed the line by dragging Leonard into their mess. Or that it had been wrong to argue in the first place.
"You know he cares about you," she remarked thoughtfully.
"After last night, I highly doubt that," she snorted in disbelief.
She'd almost forgotten that Kirk was standing there until hearing a cough from the Captain. Emily just rolled her eyes when she caught him looking at her warily. He only just seemed to realize that her life wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Then again, he'd always known that from the day they met. He was only just beginning to realize that maybe they had more in common than he first imagined.
"Are you talking about your friend from the other night?" he asked curiously.
Emily shared a wary look with Natasha. The redhead took the chance to contact Clint once more, hoping the archer would somehow get involved with the firefight. Though, Emily couldn't shake off the feeling that Clint would use whatever excuse he could to slip away unscathed. Not that she couldn't blame him for his avoidance.
"Clint is more than just a friend," she muttered. "He was there for me when Leonard and I stopped talking to each other."
Kirk's brows furrowed together when he realized what she was implying. He knew that she and McCoy had fought with each other ten years ago. It was what had led to him marrying Pamela and eventually the bitter divorce that followed. Emily swallowed hard as she recalled how many times she blamed herself for that mess. Not for the first time, she found herself wondering how McCoy had been so willing to choose her again, even after everything that happened between them.
"Well, if he's anything like you've described, then I'm sure he'll come back eventually," he decided out loud.
For a moment, she wasn't sure what to say as realization dawned on her. It was the first time she ever heard him act so sincere aside from when they were at the gym together. It was also in that moment that she knew Kirk was really trying to prove himself. She was ready to say something when Natasha joined them a few seconds later, giving her a knowing look.
"Clint's joining us when we get there," she explained. "Said he had a few loose ends to tie up."
A shiver of unease swept through Emily as she imagined what Clint meant by that. She couldn't shake off the feeling that Clint was using this time to ream out McCoy. Or do something that he would later regret. She tried pushing the uneasy thoughts aside as the three of them left the apartment to reach their rendezvous point. She kept a careful eye on Kirk once they were out in the open.
If he was anything like he had been during the Battle of Vulcan, he would survive this incident. He wasn't given the chance to protest as he was practically shoved out of the building they had been hiding in. She spotted Clint waiting outside on a nearby rooftop to keep an eye on Barris' movements. According to his reports, there had been agents crawling everywhere, telling Emily that Barris was expecting the worst possible outcome. Either way, he was in for a nasty surprise when he realized that Kirk wasn't alone.
Once Kirk had reluctantly stepped outside to meet with the Admiral, everyone took their positions around the perimeter. Emily huddled against a heap of garbage cans while keeping an eye on Jim. He walked a few paces here and there before he finally spotted Barris. The older man just blinked in surprise when he realized that the buyer had been none other than Jim Kirk. Emily could already imagine the dozens of questions running through the Admiral's mind.
"Captain Kirk, what can I do for you?" he asked in a tone that sounded almost nervous.
Emily rose an eyebrow when she noticed that he kept one hand at his waist. Clint was the one who made the call about buying some weapons from within the agency. But he had to disguise his voice in an attempt to prevent Barris from guessing what they were up to. Watching his nervous movements and the way his hand twitched every now and then only confirmed that he was hiding something.
She leaned forward carefully in her hiding place, knowing full-well just how dangerous a nervous man with a weapon could be. Experience had taught her to take every caution when it came to missions like these. Being caught in the open meant there was less room for error. Though she was well aware that making a mistake out here could cost her a life.
"I was informed that you have weapons for sale," Kirk explained while trying to keep his own voice from cracking.
"Why would a Starfleet Captain, especially one such as yourself, be interested in whatever weapons are being sold under the market?" Barris' eyes narrowed with suspicion.
Please don't do anything stupid, Emily silently begged. She knew that Kirk acted on impulse, and he wouldn't be above striking out if it was necessary.
"Are you really surprised that I of all people would be interested?" Kirk countered with a shrug.
Barris seemed to relax a little at that remark. His fingers were still twitching every now and then, but at least they left his waist.
"Alright, I've got a couple of weapons under the market that haven't even been released yet," he explained warily. "Figured it would be good for a couple of colonies to get their hands on those weapons, especially since Starfleet's keeping them from getting some protection."
"That's our ticket," Clint said through the earpiece. "He's got agents crawling all over the place."
Narrowing her eyes, Emily noticed with a start that Clint was right. The heat signatures from their specs showed several agents hiding in different locations. Emily shifted nervously and glanced at the archer, knowing he'd jump to Jim's defense if he had to. Kirk was doing his best at keeping his cool, but even he couldn't stay under the pressure for that long. His eyes darted back and forth as more and more agents approached. Unease swept through her when she realized that this could go south very fast.
"So, do we have a deal or not?" he pressed, hoping to back out of an already disastrous outcome.
"I'm afraid I'll have to decline your offer."
The words slipped out faster than Emily thought possible. Before Kirk could make sense of what was happening, he was surrounded by heavily armed AIM agents. Her hands balled into fists as realization dawned on her. So, Barris was smarter than they anticipated.
"Come on, can't we just rethink this a little?"
Though his hands were held in self-defense, the agents had already pulled out their weapons and they were preparing to fire. It wasn't until an arrow suddenly struck one of the agents that chaos followed. Barris had already tried using the chaos to slip away, but Natasha was faster. She leaped out of her hiding place and gave him a good sucker-punch across the face, knocking him out within seconds.
"So, this is what it's like working with SHIELD?" Kirk asked as he managed to hold his own during the fight.
"They don't usually end this badly," she pointed out.
She ducked to avoid getting a swift punch across the cheek. In retaliation, she grabbed the agent by their shoulder and threw them to the ground with a heavy thud. Several others soon followed. It didn't take long for them to gain the upper hand, and eventually, take everyone down. Emily's shoulders sagged in relief once she was sure that they had been dealt with. The Cleanup Crew would soon be around to sweep the area and make sure that everyone had been apprehended.
"I'm starting to see where the muscles came from," Kirk remarked after struggling to calm himself down.
The sudden rush of adrenaline from earlier had all but drained from his face. His shoulders sagged as he sank down on a bench while Natasha and Clint parted ways after making sure Barris was apprehended. Emily held back a sigh of her own as she wondered if it was worth joining him. She knew she should have gone with them, but the truth was, she didn't want to leave him hanging after that. He hadn't sustained any serious injuries, other than a few minor bruises here and there. But the fact that he had been willing to fight alongside them took her by surprise. Maybe people were willing to change after all.
"It isn't easy work, but the rewards are worth it," she admitted. She took a seat beside him and glanced at him self-consciously. "You know you didn't have to do any of this – you put your life at risk for people you hardly know."
"Yeah, well, I figured if you're putting your lives at risk, I should do the same," he replied with a shrug.
Emily blinked in surprise at his remark. She half-expected Kirk to accuse them of doing exactly what he originally suspected. That she was nothing more than a hypocrite. Instead, he was willing to risk his life for people he barely knew. And he'd done a fairly good job at it. She almost smiled at the thought that they were finally beginning to see eye-to-eye.
Silence soon followed as they sat side-by-side. For a while, she wasn't sure what to say as she thought of everything that had led to that moment. They had always been arguing with one another during their time at the Academy. Now that Kirk finally saw what she was willing to do to keep her friends and family safe, he began seeing her in a different light. And maybe it was time she started doing the same.
"You know, for all that it's worth, you're actually not bad with your fists," she finally remarked. Kirk threw her a look of surprise when she flashed a charming smile. As rare as it was for her to smile at him, he realized why that was. "Though your left hook could use a bit of work."
"Are you saying that I'm slow?" he teased her with a chuckle, nudging her slightly.
"I'm saying that you're a little out of tune," she retorted with equal amusement. "I wouldn't take it personally though; since you're the Captain, I'm sure it's slowed you down just a little."
By now, Kirk was struggling not to bark with laughter. There was a time when her comment would have pissed him off. But seeing her act so carefree was like a breath of fresh air. He hadn't realized until than just how beautiful she was. Emily rose an eyebrow when she noticed that he was watching her with a look that suggested something other than amusement.
"I now see why Bones likes you so much," he finally drew out.
She grimaced when he brought up an uncomfortable subject around herself and the rest of the team. She was suddenly grateful Natasha and Clint had given them some time alone. She knew Clint wouldn't let her hear the end of it when all was said and done. But she'd already made her choices, and she wasn't backing down now. Still, that didn't stop her from looking down at the ground as unease swept through her.
"I'm not sure what I've done to deserve that kind of admiration," she admitted guiltily. Kirk rose an eyebrow in surprise as she led the way back towards their apartment. "Most of what happened between us was my fault."
"Something tells me Bones doesn't see it that way," he pointed out with a knowing look. Kirk frowned when he walked alongside her, not missing how her demeanor changed when he brought up their relationship. "He cares about you as more than just a friend, and I'm guessing that you're pretty much on the same boat."
McCoy had known what she was doing when they were apart. And though he largely ignored her throughout those weeks, it still hurt to know that was part of the reason she went after the men on her list. When she first met Pavel Chekov for the first time, his reaction was what really hit home. She realized with a start that he likely remembered her through the stories he heard about a woman who murdered his uncle. Eventually Chekov had moved on from that incident, realizing that she wasn't the same woman she had been when she killed his uncle.
"It isn't as if I've done anything to earn that kind of care," she replied with a shrug. Kirk glanced at her warily as she let out a heavy sigh and looked at nothing in particular. "You know what I went through during our time apart… I'm honestly surprised Leonard was able to look past all of that, even after threatening to leave again."
It only took Kirk a split second to register what she meant by that. He recalled how McCoy had been acting during their time at the Academy. At the time, McCoy had looked furious and guilty… almost as if he was conflicted. He swallowed hard as he found himself wondering what had been happening at the time. He couldn't help but think back to the way she and McCoy had been so close before he searched her profile from the agency.
"He knows?" he asked in surprise.
"Considering the fact that he read my profile when you hacked into it, of course he knows," she rolled her eyes in exasperation. Heat immediately rose to his cheeks when she gave him a pointed look. "Leonard didn't react well to that news… and truthfully, I can't say that I blame him. I was in a dark place at the time, and when I realized that my own life couldn't be taken, the lives of those men would satisfy that need instead."
Unease crawled through him when he recognized the resentment burning in her voice. Try as she might to deny it, she was resentful towards what happened between herself and McCoy. She felt guilty for even thinking about it, because McCoy had worked so hard in trying to fix the mess he'd made.
"I'm surprised you were willing to overlook that," he said thoughtfully.
"We've both made mistakes that we're not proud of," she explained warily. She knew she was giving a lot of detail that she would likely regret later down the road. But Kirk was willing to listen to her, and that meant more than she would ever admit out loud. "Leonard was… has always been different from anyone else I've ever met. He is my Imzadi."
Kirk rose an eyebrow at the term she just used. She knew few people understood the meaning behind it. Vulcans used it very rarely, and Betazids used it as well. But for humans, it was highly unconventional. She was only just beginning to grasp the fact that because of her history and because of who she was, that explained why she'd chosen McCoy as her partner. Then again, he was also more than just her partner.
"I've studied alien references before," he pointed out with a knowing look. "So was he your… Imzadi before or after the divorce from hell?"
Emily stiffened at the mention of 'divorce'. That in itself was an entirely different topic, and one she preferred avoiding. McCoy still lived with the regret of choosing Pamela over her. As much as she hated to admit it, she knew she was also partly to blame for not stopping by more often. She had been terrified of leaving the base after the many looks of pity people would give her.
"Leonard was my Imzadi even before than," she said quietly. Kirk's face fell when he realized what she meant by that. "The bond between us wasn't as deep as it is now, and I think that's part of the reason why Leonard was able to move on so easily… but for me, it never faded."
He let out a sigh when he understood where she was getting at. Her love for McCoy had never gone away. Even after the many times he'd hurt her both physically and mentally. Despite the fact that she showed obvious signs of Stockholm syndrome – something of which he'd suffered from as well for a short time – he knew there was no denying that their bond had grown stronger. It did seem now more than ever that McCoy was actually trying to change for the better.
"I'm sorry all of that happened to you," he let out another sigh and suddenly took hold of her hand. "No one should have to go through that sort of shit."
She glanced at Kirk in surprise when she realized what he meant by that. The moment he took hold of her hand was when images of a place she hadn't seen since it was brought up in the news flickered past. Emily grimaced when she realized that was another incident Kirk left out. His past was also haunted with violence, death and brutality. Though he never talked about it, it was obvious that he too suffered from PTSD. She knew that was one topic they would have to discuss sooner or later, but for now, she let his comment slide. It was after all the first time they'd had an actual heart-to-heart, and Emily found herself appreciating that aspect now more than ever. She just hoped it lasted longer than the few seconds Kirk had talked to her in the past.