Harry slid closer to Luna. They were both naked and her feet shocked him with how cold they were, but he couldn't bother to care as he pressed his chest against her back and enjoyed the warmth that the rest of her provided. He was off in a timeline long before the one he'd lived in, and if that meant he got to attach himself to a smoking hot blonde woman who promised to dedicate herself to him, then he wouldn't say no. His hand snuck up to grope one of her breasts.

"Good morning," Luna said. "You certainly know how to wake a girl."

Harry blushed. "Sorry, couldn't help myself."

She wriggled around till they were facing each other, and Harry couldn't stop the smile from creeping across his face. Her pale, silvery eyes met his. He had been in this position before, the 'honeymoon' period of a relationship that meant he was head over heels for a woman to a degree far greater than he should be, but that was fine. Right now, all he wanted was to kiss her.

So he did.

Before he could shift his weight on top of her she pulled away. "Don't forget, your 'uncle' wants to meet up and discuss what we'll do next."

"Fuck it," he said, allowing his nether regions to do the thinking. "Let's take a day for ourselves."

"And let you have the easy way into my panties?" Luna asked, her voice teasing and haughty. "I don't think so. I know that I have to play a little hard to get sometimes."

Harry made to protest but his girlfriend was already pulling further away and out of the bed. His eyes roamed across her body since she didn't make any effort to hide it, but before long she was dressed in the same mis-sized clothing that she'd stolen from his closet before coming here. He got up to do the same. It struck him now that he'd have to buy them both new wardrobes. That strike was followed up with another as he realized he didn't exactly have a fortune at his disposal anymore.

He'd gone from being the richest individual in magical Britain, on account of the Potter inheritance, Black inheritance, and the various rewards he'd earned for jobs like slaying the manticore whose tanned, trimmed, and tailored skin was currently being draped across his shoulders by Luna. Now he had just a couple hundred galleons in his trunk. That was a fine enough nest-egg for the average wizard or witch, but he'd need to do some freelance work between hunting down Tom and his horcruxes if he didn't want to wind up living off the charity of his 'uncle'.

For now he and Luna were holed up in a room at the Three Broomsticks. He'd also need to find a place to live, but he certainly wasn't about to shack up in a place that only cost a few hundred galleons. If he couldn't have the familial Grimmauld Place, nothing less than a castle would do.

"There." Luna finished adjusting his cloak. "Now you look like a properly dangerous wizard."

Harry looked her up and down. "You look like a beautiful witch who raided a properly dangerous wizard's wardrobe."

"And whose fault is that?"

He furrowed his brows. "Uh…"

"Yours." She stabbed a finger against his chest. "Apparently we need to keep a pensieve of our own handy, just so I can remind you of what happens when you get drunk. Things like literally tearing my clothes off."

Harry's face flushed and he looked away. "Whatever. We'll get some new clothes after meeting with Albus."

Luna smiled and held out her arm. Harry matched her smile and linked his arm with hers. "Wait," Luna said. He stopped his modified apparition at the last second. Before Harry could ask why she'd stopped them, she kissed him. "Alright, now you can go."

He just shook his head, and with a crack, they vanished and reappeared in Dumbledore's office. This time the headmaster was alone, though he didn't appear any less shocked at their sudden appearance.

"I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get used to having people suddenly showing up like that." The headmaster stood and held out his hand which Harry and Luna shook in turn. "I trust you're both well rested?"

"Something like that." Harry took a seat as Luna moved over to play with Fawkes, who seemed excited to see her again. "You look over all those memories I left behind? Any word on getting a rooster?"

"Your memories were quite… Illuminating." Albus drew his wand. "Accio flagons!"

Nearly three dozen bottles the size of whiskey handles danced out of a lower cupboard that must've held a similar enchantment as Harry's old night stand. They arranged themselves in neat rows at Harry's feet.

"I must say, it's rather disturbing how many… Trials, you went through at such a young age."

"Sure explains a lot though," Luna said from behind Albus. "Did he share the time he nearly got eaten by a gigantic spider in the Forbidden Forest? I've always wanted to see if it was really as scary as our old friend Ron led me to believe."

Harry shook his head. "Wasn't particularly relevant, he saw Aragog at the bug's funeral though."

"Arachnid," Dumbledore corrected. "It hurts to know I became so lax, though."

"Don't worry about it," Harry said. "I dealt with it, and lived to tell the tale. What about the rooster?"

"I've spoken with Hagrid, he should have one ready whenever you are," Dumbledore said. "He was a touch reticent to give up one of the creatures in his care, but when I explained what it would be used for, he made it clear we'd have the full use of his 'menagerie'." The headmaster winked. "So long as we promised to be careful."

Harry snorted. "All we'll need is the rooster. If it was anything besides the livestock in his care, it's us who'd need the care."

"True enough. Once you've dealt with…" Dumbledore frowned. "Salazar's pet. What will Be your next step?"

"Sorry, Albus." Harry shrugged. "I'm not much of a planner. Once I've got the sword primed with basilisk venom, I'll probably go hunting for the man himself. Taking him off the board, even if its only temporary, will allow us some breathing room to start tracking down the horcruxes. Beyond that, or any details therein, I'm not all that sure."

The headmaster pursed his lips. "And you're certain you can defeat him in a duel?"

"You're the only wizard alive, that I know of, that I wouldn't put odds entirely in my favour." Harry glanced over at his girlfriend cooing at Fawkes before then turned back to Dumbledore. "And a large part of that is due to your wand. The one you earned, I mean."

"I see."

"Oh yeah," Luna chimed in. "You were collecting the Deathly Hallows weren't you? Well we know for certain where one more is."

That caught the headmaster's attention. "Truly?"

Harry nodded. "It's in the possession of my father. The invisibility cloak of the youngest brother."

Dumbledore stroked his beard. "I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised. The Potters, humble as they are, are still an ancient family. The resurrection stone?"

"I know where it will, or might already, be," Harry said. "You set yourself up to be killed over it the first go around though, so I'll be keeping that information to myself." Dumbledore made to say something but Harry cut him off. "I'm not going to say you'll never see it, but you certainly won't until I know it's safe."

Harry stood. "Right, talking time over, snake killing time now."

"You have such a way with words," Luna sarcastically swooned. "Truly a poet."

"Luna, you're in charge of grabbing the rooster. Meet me in the second-floor girls bathroom."

She placed a hand over her chest. "Oh my, asking to meet a girl in the bathroom, and in front of our former headmaster!"

Harry rolled his eyes but allowed himself to smile. He strode over to where Gryfindor's sword sat on the shelf and rolled it over in his hand.

He'd wielded it on several occasions since the second war on Voldemort. Usually it was to slay a magically resistant monster, such as the one whose skin he wore now as a cloak, but sometimes it was just because it was a bit more fun to play dangerously. It was a fine blade, though he wasn't exactly an expert on the things, and it fit perfectly in his hand. When he'd first picked it up as a twelve-year old he'd needed both hands to wield it, but now he could comfortably swing it with just the one, leaving the other free for his wand.

Luna had already left by the time he finished his musings, so he looked over to the headmaster. "Once I finish up with the basilisk, I don't suppose you'd mind hiring someone to butcher it for coin that we can split? I'm going to need some wealth now that I'm technically homeless."

"Of course." Dumbledore nodded. "I'll see it done. Though I hope you'll accept that I won't go around selling the venom to just anyone off the streets. I'll probably end up just donating that to St Mungos."

"Understandable, the scales should fetch more than a handful of galleons on their own." Harry held out his arm, and Fawkes flew over to it. "Right then, off to the bathroom."

He apparated over then winced at the shriek from Myrtle it earned him. "Who are you! What are you doing in my bathroom!"

"Hello to you too, Myrtle." Harry rubbed his ear. "Technically you could say I'm here to avenge you."

Myrtle sniffed. "Is that right? Sure you're not just here to poke fun at the dead girl? Come to tease 'Moaning' Myrtle?"

"Nope." Harry moved towards the sink that marked the chamber's secret entrance. He hissed 'open' at it, and the sink began to morph and fall away to reveal the slide. "I'm here to kill the basilisk, so if you don't mind, when my girlfriend gets here with the rooster, tell her to send it down the shoot after me."

Without waiting for a response he slid down the tunnel.

Everywhere he looked were the stone walls of a sewer. Harry ran his hand against them, and the various spells and wards loaded within them sang out to him. Some of them were meant to just keep the place from becoming too decayed, those were starting to fade. Others were a bit more vicious, designed to keep out intruders. He'd have to deal with those this time, since he was neither a student nor a staff member.

At first he was going to just blast them away, but they were surprisingly simple in comparison to the newer wards that had been developed since the school's founding. There were a lot of them, to be sure, but each one took less than a second of magical finagling to come undone. It took a quarter of an hour for him to finish clearing them out, but at least he wouldn't be destroying the place this way.

Harry stretched. Part of him wanted to get straight to it, but he knew better than to trust Luna to not try and come in after him. Instead he was forced to pace back and forth in the dank hallway, filled with the smell of dust. His heart was beginning to race when a voice called down.

"Hullo!" It was Hagrid. "Everything alright down there?"

"Yes!" Harry called back. "Send down the rooster!"

A few moments passed. "Is it safe?"

"For the rooster, yes!" Harry rolled his eyes. "Send it down already!"

If the adrenaline wasn't starting to take hold of him, he'd have laughed at the sight of a full grown rooster half-falling half-flying down the slide, every few 'steps' it would jump a bit and try to get away, only to slowly fall back onto the slide and be forced to run for a short bit. When it was in range, Harry cast a sleeping charm on it.

It was finally time for a fight.

Fawkes sat comfortably on his shoulder, and he carried the rooster under his arm as he made his way deeper into the chamber. He sat the latter bird down behind on one of the pillars, and lifted the phoenix off his shoulder to look into its eyes.

"You're the back up plan," he said. "If I get myself killed, you have to wake up the rooster so the others don't get hurt. If I get bit, well, if you can spare a tear I'd appreciate it, otherwise it'll be my own fault. No matter what, make sure to stay high up where it can't get to you, got it?"

He couldn't really tell whether the mythical creature 'got it' or not, but he wasn't going to wait for a nod or a wink. He 'tossed' it from his arm and watched as Fawkes began to circle around the room near the ceiling.

'Right then', he thought. 'Let's get started.'

Harry drew his sword and stepped up towards the oversized bust of Salazar Slytherin. He hissed out the pass phrase, and its mouth slowly opened with the rumbling sound of grinding stone.

"Who disturbs my slumber?" the basilisk hissed from within the statue's gullet. It was hard to tell given the nature of the beast, but if Harry had to guess, it sounded sleepy. "Has the young master returned already?"

"Your death has come," Harry hissed back. "Show yourself, you overgrown garter snake."

The beast's next hissing wasn't any sort of understandable words. It was a sheer display of anger at being awoken and threatened, and Harry smiled as he closed his eyes.

There was no more time for thinking as he dodged away from the basilisk's first strike. His only advantage had been the lack of other directions the attack could come from, and his only warning was the warmth of its breath as it tried to bite into him. He stabbed upwards and was rewarded with a pained hiss and the feeling of goblin steel meeting flesh.

God it felt good. This was what he'd wanted. What he'd been waiting for ever since Hermione told him he finally had a job to do. His heart was pounding, the world seemed to slow down around him, and a vicious smile was splitting his face.

The sword was nearly jerked from his hand as the basilisk pulled away, but Harry managed to rip it free. He backed away, holding the sword in front of him and making slow swipes through the air like a blind man using a cane. The beast wouldn't be patient for long, eventually it would—

Harry was sent flying as something slammed into his chest, his head smacked against one of the pillars with a crack.

'Oh right.' He scrambled back to his feet, just grateful he managed not to cut himself on his own sword. 'The tail.'

Once more Harry was forced to put his thoughts to rest as he swung his sword in a horizontal arc, just in time to hit some part of the basilisk. He wasn't sure which end had tried to strike him, but it was obvious that something would've been coming his way. There was silence for a moment, but it disappeared as the basilisk began to slither around him.

'Come on,' he thought. 'Come on you stupid reptile. Attack me for Merlin's sake.'

He ran forwards. The basilisk might typically use its deadly stare and venomous bite to kill its prey, but that didn't mean it couldn't constrict you like a python as well. It was the king of serpents for a reason.

After just a few steps, he spun on his heel and whipped his blade around with him. It missed hitting anything so he kept up the rotations until his sword sunk into some sort of scaly flesh. The basilisk roared and that was his signal to keep up the offensive. He reared up and plunged his blade into the beast.

This time Harry was yanked off his feet as the snake recoiled, his grip on the hilt nearly coming loose as he was flung up. He moved his other hand to the pommel for extra grip, but the basilisk was whipping around and the sword shredded through more flesh and freed itself, sending him across the chamber once more. The ground welcomed him by slapping the air from his lungs and, if the cracks he felt more than heard were anything to go off of, breaking a few of his ribs.

He managed to get back to his feet. "Come on!" he roared. "Over here you… You…"

The whole room was silent. He waited, trying to hear anything over the sound of his heart, but the loudest thing he could make out was the occasional fwip above as Fawkes beat his wings. Harry held out his arm, and the phoenix took its spot on his wrist.

"If it's dead," Harry said. "Could you make sure its eyes are closed? If not, can you, like, claw them out or something?"

The bird took off. A few seconds later, with much wetter talons than before, it landed on his shoulder with a soft coo.

Harry opened his eyes.

The basilisk was smaller than the last time he'd seen it, though not small enough to have been comforting. A few pools of blood were forming around it, the most notable of which stemmed from one of its disgorged eye sockets, where a massive gash ran from the socket all the way to nearly the base of its skull, no doubt where Harry had last stabbed. The other bore a much smaller, presumably phoenix-claw shaped wound.

"God damn," he muttered. "Well hey, didn't get bit this time." He sheathed his sword and held up the hand that wasn't serving as Fawkes' perch. "High five?"

Harry wasn't quite sure how a phoenix, or any bird for that matter, could give an 'Are you serious?' look, but Fawkes was certainly pulling it off.

"Right, well, maybe next time."

He limped over to the corpse and tried to guess as to where the venom glands or sacks or whatever they were would be hiding. His first stab came up bloody, but seemingly inert, so he tried poking around the gash he'd left. Eventually he seemed to hit the sweet spot, as when he drew the blade the bloody liquid that came out with it was sizzling, and the blade seemed to take on a strange sort of etched pattern that left it looking, well, he thought it looked nice, but historians would probably be a bit frustrated.

"Back to the bathroom then."

Crack.

The first thing he noticed was the small wooden table set up in the center of the room, surrounded by chairs that were far too small for the largest of their occupants, Hagrid. The other three were filled with Dumbledore, Luna, and Myrtle. They seemed to be enjoying a meal, or at least, the living members were.

"Hate to break up the tea party," Harry said. "But the snake's dead, and daddy needs some new ribs. Maybe a lung as well."

Luna cocked an eyebrow at him. "I really hope you don't expect me to start calling you 'daddy'."

"Not when I'm sober," Harry chirped back. "I can't tell you what drunk-Harry's into, that guy's crazy."

Luna snorted. Dumbledore stood and Fawkes flew over to the older wizard's shoulder. "You seem to be in a good mood for a man with apparently broken ribs."

"It's like post-coital clarity," Harry said with a dramatic sigh. "Nothing loosens up the tongue and the spirit like nearly being killed by a gargantuan—" He broke into a coughing fit, which turned one of the fractured ribs into a broken one, and made no attempt to cover his mouth as a few specks of blood shot out onto the floor. "Snake thing. Can we go to Madam Pomfrey's now?"

"What about me rooster?" Hagrid asked. "Is Comby okay?"

"Comby's fine, just sleeping, I'll get it after my ribs are back in one piece." Harry winced as Luna wrapped a gentle arm around him. "I'm surprised you aren't freaking out about all this," he said to her.

"Come on, Harry." Luna brushed some of his hair away from his face. "Do you really think I'd ignore the fact that you went on a couple psychotic rants about how much you love fighting for your life, and not expect you to take the opportunity to do just that?"

Harry tried to come up with something witty to say, but he settled on blaming his injuries for the lack of one.

"Now go on." She snapped her fingers. "Make with magic teleporting that pisses off our headmaster because he can't figure out how you do it inside Hogwarts."

Harry smiled and did just that.

He allowed Luna to guide him into a bed at the hospital wing, though it was far less sexy than the last time she'd settled him into a mattress. The hospital wing was the same as he remembered it from countless school-age trips. Curtain-surrounded beds lined the walls, and in the spaces between them were various elixirs and potions, medical instruments, and the occasional flower vase.

The whole place smelled of vomit and cleaning supplies, but Harry found himself surprisingly happy to see it. It was a strange sort of nostalgia one felt for an area you suffered in, but it was still nice. Maybe he'd go visit the Dursley's old place some day, see if that had the same effect.

"Oh, it's you two again." Harry glanced up to see the marauders surrounding a bed diagonal to them. Occupying it was one Peter Pettigrew, who had a phallic-shaped mushroom growing out of his forehead. Remus was the one who'd spoken, his brows furrowed. "Are you alright?"

"Sirius." Harry made to sit up but Luna pressed down on his shoulder to keep him down. "I'm not sorry about what I said the other day, and you wanna know why?"

The boy who would grow up to be his god father opened his mouth, but Harry cut him off.

"It's cus your family is shit." Harry coughed again, sending more blood drops spraying through the air. "You and... "

He leaned over to Luna and 'whispered' in her ear. "What's Tonks's mom's name?"

"Andromeda," she whispered quietly. "Harry are you—"

"You and Andromeda are the only one's worth anything." Harry waved his hand. "Well, maybe Regulus too. He could be a good kid. He's just a bit lost."

Sirius was looking more and more confused by the second, but Luna jumped in before he could respond. "Harry, are you drunk?"

"No, I'm just…"

What was he? Why was he being so… His eyes widened. "It's the cloak. Or the robes, I mean. Get 'em off." He started to undress himself but Luna tried to stop him. "I'm serious. There's a pain relief enchantment that kicks in when my heart rhythm hits certain levels. Get it off so I can sober up."

Finally convinced, his girlfriend helped him out of his manticore cloak (which he probably owed the amount of intact bones he still had to) and the robes beneath them. Suddenly the pleasant fog and good mood that had been filling him started to fade away, and the pain of his injuries settled in.

"Oh…" Harry grimaced and fell back into the mattress. "Someone please tell me Madam Pomfrey's on her way."

"About that." Harry looked up at James. "She's consulting with Professor Sprout about, well." He gestured towards Peter's forehead. "Sorry."

Harry groaned and clenched his eyes shut. He might've been a battle hardened warrior who'd face down dark lords, basilisks, and general bureaucracy without batting an eye, but fuck broken ribs hurt. He felt around his chest and let out what was no doubt a pathetic whine as his fingers grazed the jagged edge of bone that had once connected one of his lower ribs to his sternum.

"Luna," he said. "Please tell me you know how to work a silencing charm?"

"Sorry, I don't." She was stroking his hair. "No one will judge you if you need to cry."

"I don't need to cry!" he snapped, though he regretted the violent response as it launched him into another coughing fit, which exacerbated his pain even further. "I need to fucking whine, and I ain't about to do so in front of a bunch of teenagers, one of whom has a dick growing out of his forehead."

"It's not a dick!" Peter whinged. "It's a mushroom. Those Slytherins—"

"Don't start with me, rat." Harry was probably being a bit too venomous considering Peter hadn't even betrayed his parents yet. "Whatever it is, you probably deserved it. Don't act like the four of you are some innocent saints."

Both James and Sirius stood, but Harry wasn't the Grand Sorcerer for nothing. He drew his wand. "Petrificus Totalus!" Both boys fell back into their chairs, stiff as boards.

Remus gaped at the two of them, then back over to Harry. "You…"

"Don't feel like dealing with two hot heads." Harry snorted with a wince. "You're the only sane one between the three of you, Remus, so I expect you to keep your cool."

The werewolf shot glances at both of his friends, but didn't respond.

"You've known them for two whole days and you're already throwing curses about." Luna stole the wand from Harry's hand, a testament to how weakened he'd become thanks to his broken bones and punctured lung. Lungs? He really hoped it wasn't lungs, or at least hoped that Pomfrey would be back here soon. "Honestly, what am I going to do with you?"

"If the mediwitch doesn't get back here soon, kiss me goodbye I suppose." He was getting tired, which definitely wasn't a good sign. "I think I'm in worse shape then we realized, dear."

"You'll be fine, quit being a baby."

Harry laughed. Every exhalation was an exercise in pain management, but he couldn't stop himself.

Back when he'd been married to Ginny, every nick and scrape he came home with had earned him another worried lecture. Nevermind the fact that he'd dealt with worse from pick-up quidditch games, it seemed the girl was convinced that even a bruise meant the end for the Boy Who Lived. Now he was dating her best friend in a time before she even existed, and she was brushing off the fact that he might be about to drown in his own blood.

He wasn't sure if it made him miss his ex wife, or turned on by his new lover.

"What now!" Harry glanced over to see Madam Pomfrey rushing towards him, dropping off a basket of plants that he couldn't even begin to identify at the foot of Peter's bed. "Who are you?"

"Harry—" He gave another bloody cough. "Harry Dumbledore. Professional basilisk slayer. Got a few broken ribs and one to two punctured lungs. This is my girlfriend, emergency contact, and wardrobe stealer, Luna Marigold. Nice to meet you."

With that last quip, he allowed himself to give in to the exhaustion and fall asleep.

Or at least, he would have, had Madame Pomfrey not jammed a wand into his aching chest. "Oh no you don't, you're going to need to stay awake so you can tell me if I have your ribs puzzled back together."

"C'mon, Pomfrey," Harry groaned. "I just got done playing exterminator for the Chamber of Secrets. Took care of the thing that killed Moaning Myrtle. The least you can do is let me sleep."

"You can sleep afterwards." Already Harry could feel a rib shifting about his chest cavity. "This is going to hurt, so brace yourself."

Brace himself he did, and hurt like a fucking a manticore sting the shifting rib did. Harry could almost forget the fact that he was slowly starting to drown, the way he gasped in air with his pained moans as the bones in his chest shifted this way and that. Once the mediwitch was satisfied that she'd gotten all the ribs back into place, or at least, close enough, she made him swallow down some Skele-Gro. Then she moved on to his lungs.

He wasn't sure why she did the bones before the organs beneath, but he nearly tore the sheets beneath him apart as he gripped them while she jabbed her wand between his ribs like a syringe. Although he couldn't feel the punctures being healed as she went, her clinical assurances told him that was the case. The worst part came when she shoved her wand down his throat like Harry was a…

He was distracted by the sight of blood flowing out of his mouth and into the air, like an amorphous creature swimming out of his lungs. The fluid seeped out of him and slowly funneled its way into a metal container beside the bed. It was a bit of a surprise, how little there was filling the tray, but he supposed even that much was an ocean when it was filling your lungs.

"There," Madame Pomfrey said. "Now you can sleep."

"But I don't wanna anymore." Harry stood and began to re-dress himself in his robes and cloak. "What's the point if I'm all better?"

Pomfrey snorted. "What, off to slay another 'basilisk'?"

"Nope." Harry stretched his limbs, enjoying the feeling of no longer feeling pain. Well, not as much pain. Technically the ribs were still fractured, and his throat was a bit sore from all the couching. "Only had the one on my docket. Next up is to kill a dark lord."

The boys in and around the nearby bed froze. Sirius and James' simulated petrification had faded, and they were both staring at him like he'd grown a second head. Voldemort might not have reached the peak of his power yet, but it was obvious based on the looks they were giving him that the snakey bastard wasn't an unknown quantity. Peter in particular looked terrified, his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. Then the mushroom on his forehead suddenly sprung open and, like a geyser, shot spores all around his friends who began to cough and cover their mouths.

"I'll leave you be though," Harry said as he covered his mouth and nose with the sleeve of his robe. "I think you have your work cut out for you."

Luna wrapped her arm around him just as a similarly penis-shaped mushroom begin to sprout from Sirius's cheek, and the couple disappeared with a crack.