A/N: Sorry this took so long! Updates for this were always gonna be irregular but I didn't plan on it taking longer than a month! This chapter's a short one, and in general my plan is for them to be on the shorter side (makes it easier to update more regularly too). Whereas chapter 2 covered the entirety of a single day at the house all by itself, the next day at the spider house will be covered over multiple chapters, the first one being this one! Once it hits November I'm gonna be working on an xmas story, so all my other stories will update more slowly until that's done. I intend to get another chapter out for this before then, but if for some reason that doesn't happen, at least now you know what's going on!

Also, thank you for reading and reviewing this story :D I'm so glad people are enjoying it. It means a lot 3

Anyway, please enjoy this little nugget of cuteness! Writing it made me smile, and I hope reading it makes you smile too!

(oh and SP/dr only has one slash because ff dot net doesn't let me keep two in there)

Chapter 3: Creature Comforts

Ham couldn't understand why he didn't like his new bedroom. It was big, luxurious, it had a…uh… scenic view of the eldritch void outside. Peni had even managed to summon a beautiful portrait of his Aunt May onto the wall above his bed. What was not to like?

Yet he didn't like it. It was somehow too big. Too perfect. Too... well, just not what he was used to. And so he found himself creeping out into the hallway, trotting along the extra-soft carpet and down the stairs to the living room where Peni was sprawled out on the sofa, messing around with her tablet. As soon as he entered the room she rolled onto her side and said:

"You're up early."

"Hey, don't steal my line."

She was right. It was early for him, and he was still tired. He needed to go back to bed. He eyed up Peter B's bedroom door. Ominous snoring rumbled beyond its wooden frame.

Ham pointed at the door, "How do you work with that noise going on?"

Peni reached round and dangled a pair of headphones over the edge of the sofa.

"Of course," said Ham.

"You okay? You look tired."

He flopped down onto the sofa next to her tablet, "I am tired."

The snoring continued, like the steady hum of a boiler or the roar of a plane engine as heard from the passenger seat. Somehow it was almost comforting. Ham found his eyes beginning to droop. Come to think of it, the interdimensional house wasreally, really quiet once everyone was in bed.

Peni scooted up next to him, "I'm playing Frustrated Marmosets."

"Frustrated what?"

"Marmosets."

"Those are the little monkeys, right?" he peered over at her tablet, "Oh my god they're adorable!"

"And frustrated!"

"What's got 'em so riled up?"

"Human civilization."

"Oof, sounds kinda heavy."

"Nah, it's just a random puzzle game. You wanna try?"

Ham felt like he was gonna pass out at any moment. He knew that refusing was the logical thing to do, but when he saw Peni beaming at him so innocently and with such excitement, he did what any sane person would and said:

"Sure, why not!"

She handed the tablet over to him. He was confronted with an army of marmosets all bearing down on what looked like a skyscraper.

"Okay, so what do I do with all these marmosets?"

Peni pointed at the skyscraper, "You have to take out all the employees inside."

"Take 'em out, huh."

"You tie 'em up and stuff 'em in the basement."

"You weren't kidding when you said these marmosets were frustrated."

"Yep! They're real angry!"

"But why?" he said as he sent his primate army into the building, "What did these people do to inspire such frustration?"

"You're thinking about it too deeply."

"You ever met a marmoset?"

"I've seen them on the internet. They're extinct in my universe."

"Well they're definitely not the kinda people to throw someone into a basement," he said as he threw a particularly large employee into the basement.

"If you stack that office lady on top of the computer you can get more points."

Ham laughed, "I'll give you one thing, Peni: this is easier than working for J. Jonah Jackal."

"Does he throw people in the basement?"

"Worse. He withholds their pay."

Ham's eyes were burning. He should've known better than to play games while he was sleep-deprived. He needed a break.

"How about you play, Peni?" he said, handing the tablet over to her.

"You haven't even seenstage two yet!"

He patted her on the shoulder, "Well, why don't you show me? Let me see how a pro does it."

She smirked, "I wouldn't say I was a pro, but…"

"Yeah, yeah."

He leaned his head on her shoulder as she began to round up all the office workers and stack them neatly in the basement. In a feat of gravity-defying wizardry the child genius managed to squeeze a filing cabinet in between a coffee cup and a fax machine, all balanced on top of one unfortunate janitor's head.

Ham closed his eyes and listened to the little taps of Peni's small fingers on the smooth screen. In the background Peter B continued to snore away.

That's right, Ham thought as his awareness of his surroundings began to grow fuzzy and dim, I never get a silent night back home. Between the cows and the birds and that one really loud hippopotamus, there's always something going on outside. No wonder I… I…

"Oh, you're awake?"

Peni's voice.

"Huh?" Ham mumbled, rubbing his eyes, "Of course I'm awake, silly."

His head was leaning on something soft, and his tiny porcine body was enveloped in warmth. He looked down and realized that warmth was Peni's arms.

"What the heck?"

He was sitting on Peni's lap.

"You fell asleep," she explained, "and my arm was getting numb."

"How long was I out for?"

"Well, my legs are numb now too."

"That long, huh?"

"More like fifteen, twenty minutes."

Ham hopped off of Peni and nearly tumbled onto his butt as his sense of balance fell back into position.

"Boy oh boy," he said with a shake of his head, "I'd think I'd better go to bed."

Peni yawned, "Me too, but first I gotta beat this boss stage."

She picked a can of soda up off the floor and chugged it down.

Ham frowned, "You shouldn't have so much sugar before bed, kiddo."

"I'll be fiiiine! I do this every weekend."

"If you say so."

"I do say so, now go to bed before I have to set SP/dr on you!"

On cue, her pet spider leapt across her arm and hissed menacingly at him.

"Just you try it, buddy," Porker joked as he walked towards Peter B's bedroom door, "I used to be a spider myself!"

"Ham, that's the wrong way!" Peni called out.

"No, Peni, this is exactly where I wanna be. Now if you'll excuse me!"

He inched the door open and slid inside. Peter B was still sound asleep, snoring like a construction site. The walk-in closet was waiting off to the side, the door open just a little, inviting Ham in. He accepted the invitation with open arms. It was just as he left it yesterday - Peter B clearly hadn't felt the need for a change of clothes. He crept in and closed the door behind him. Now the snoring was a dull rumble once again.

That's more like it.

He trotted over to his pile of pillows and sank into cushion-y bliss.

"Dreamland, here I come."

Ham closed his eyes, curled up in a little ball, and fell sound asleep.