A/N: Took longer to get round to this than I anticipated! There'll be another chapter of this before the month is over if I'm fast enough, but then from December there won't be any more till January 2021 while I work on a particular xmas story! Hope you're all having a great holiday season :) thank you for reading, and for your favorites too! They're like little gifts in my e-mail inbox!

Chapter 4: Fluid Movement

Noir stared into the watery abyss. He thought he'd acclimatised to the strange dream world they were currently living in, but he'd been naive. He should've known that every stone left unturned was an opportunity for another terrifying surprise.

"Come on Noir, what's the point of having a pool if you're not gonna use it?" Peter B called out from across the pale, rippling water.

Noir dipped a single naked toe into the depths, "Why is it…glowing?"

Peter B picked a mug up off the side of the pool and glugged down a mouthful of what appeared to be black coffee, "The same reason the sky looks angry. Just hop in! I'm fine, aren't I?"

Noir scratched his mask, "I'll wait for Miles."

"What, you don't trust me?"

The living room door slid open, "Someone say my name?"

Peter B looked over his shoulder, "Miles, tell this idiot to get in the pool already, would ya?"

Miles stood proudly on the edge of the pool, wearing only his underpants, "What's the problem, Noir? Don't wanna get in without a swimsuit?"

Noir stared into the water. His grim reflection stared back at him, "I don't trust things that glow."

"B looks alright."

He did. Waist deep and half naked, he was the picture of relaxation.

Peter B spread his arms wide, "See? The kid gets it."

"You don't need to worry Noir," Miles added, "Peni made it for us, so it has to be fine! If it were dangerous she would've said so."

He has a point… Peni wouldn't make something dangerous… not something dangerous to us, anyway.

With that thought firmly in his mind, Noir pulled off his ragged pants and slowly lowered one of his feet into the pool. Miles and Peter B watched on in silence. Noir noticed.

"Fellas, you're making me nervous."

The alien liquid surrounded his exposed limb, caressing it, swirling around it and creating tiny little glowing bubbles that popped into even smaller clouds of twinkling dust. With his spider grip he clung to the wall of the pool and dipped his leg in up to the knee, keeping his other leg high in the air, away from the glowing concoction. He heard Peter B laughing.

"You've gotta be kidding me, dude."

Noir ignored him, transfixed by the sensations washing over his submerged leg.

"This feels… nice…"

"It's a pool, it's meant to feel nice."

"No," Noir replied, "This one's different. Different to the pools in my world."

Miles slid into the pool, careful to avoid splashing the eldest Peter, "He's right, B, this pool is as crazy as the rest of the stuff here."

Peter B sighed, "What, cos it glows? That's not crazy. You don't know what crazy is!"

"I'm serious! Peni told me. It's got some neuro-something stuff in it. Puts you in a good mood."

"Hmm, well alright, guess I shouldn't be surprised. Speaking of, where is the little nerd?"

Noir answered his question, "Asleep."

His dry leg was still halfway in the air. Slowly he lowered it, brought it close to his body, then stuck it to the wall of the pool. With a shot of web he glued his hat to the outside of the interdimensional house, along with the rest of his clothes. He kept his mask on.

Miles swam over to him, "Finally gonna get wet?"

Noir nodded, and in a single, smooth motion leapt off the pool wall, flipped head-over-heels and dived into the water feet first. His head sunk into the glowing liquid for just a moment, then he surfaced, breathing heavily but thoroughly refreshed.

Peter B didn't seem quite so pleased.

"Thanks for spicing up my coffee."

Noir noticed that the previously black coffee now had the same ethereal sparkle as the water he was standing in.

"…Sorry."

Gwen and Ham appeared through the interdimensional portal just as Noir was passing through the living room.

"Well if it ain't tall, dark and handsome himself!" Porker greeted, "I see you've been enjoying the delights of the swimming pool."

"Much nicer than the ones in my world," he gruffly replied.

Gwen looked puzzled, "But you're still wearing your mask?"

"It's like a watch."

"But in a pool?"

"It'll dry. I didn't notice you leave through the portal. Where did you go?"

She frowned, "Got homework due tomorrow. I forgot to bring it over the first time. Ham's gonna help me."

Noir stared at the stocky cartoon pig.

"What're you giving me that look for?" Ham said indignantly, "I'll have you know I can recite Sheepspeare's 'Hamlet' off by heart!"

Noir patted Gwen on the shoulder, "If you gives you any trouble, I'll be in my room."

With the sound of Gwen's soft laughter (and Ham's mock angry yelling) echoing behind him, Noir climbed the stairs to the second floor. As he reached the top he noticed the door to his room was open.

Peni's up.

He strode in and examined the scene. The bed was unmade, tiny socks were strewn about the floor, and a pair of light grey PJs (I think she said they're 'cyan') were hanging off a stray chair.

She's definitely awake.

He closed the door, sending the room into near total darkness. He removed his underwear and began to dry his nether regions off with the custom towel Peni had laid out for him by the pool. Everyone had one. His had his name on it in black letters, cursive print, not that he could read it right now.

Is this how rich people feel? Custom towels, fancy pools… just doing whatever they want all the time?

His soggy mask clung to his face, making his chin itch. He yanked it off and wrung the water from it, onto the floor.

"Crap…shoulda used a sink…"

He still wasn't used to the others seeing his naked face. He knew it was stupid (after all, he didn't look so different to Peter B), but the impulse to hide away was too strong to resist.

Soft footsteps tip-tapped along the hall outside his bedroom door.

Peni.

His guess was right. She thwipped the door open and snuck inside in a flash, immediately closing it behind her. Noir whipped his towel around his lower body and ducked behind the bed.

"Why have you got the lights off?" she asked.

"You shoulda knocked, doll."

She flipped the lights on and her eyes widened in shock as she saw his maskless face, "Oh! Sorry, I-"

Noir webbed the lights off again, "Don't worry about it. Mind lookin' the other way for a second?"

He heard her turn around. He reached for his underwear, scrunched up on the floor. It was still soaking wet.

"If you need a change of clothes," Peni said in a small voice, "there's some stuff in the drawers behind you."

He felt for the handle. It was smooth and warm in his clammy hand. He pulled the drawer open and grabbed a fistful of clothes. There was much more than just underwear in there.

"How much stuff is in this thing?" he asked in disbelief.

The springs on the bed creaked, her voice was closer than before, "I did some research on your outfit and reproduced it - as close as I could anyway. There's even a new mask in there."

"A new mask? I dunno, doll…"

"I didn't change anything. It's exactly the same as your current one."

"How about the rest? Change any of that?" he asked as he pulled on what felt like a pair of cotton briefs.

"No, though like I said, it's not perfect. The materials are all new, the kind of stuff they have in my universe. It's not exactly authentic."

He pulled a brand new turtleneck sweater over his head, "As long as it fits."

And it did fit. It fit perfectly, in fact. Just like she said, it was all new, totally unlike the patchwork and hole-ridden clothes he'd arrived in. Soon he was fully dressed again. He even had a new coat.

Now for the mask.

The goggles were smooth under his gloved fingers. He lifted it to his nose.

Even has that 'new' smell.

He hesitated. Peni shifted closer on the bed, "Everything okay?"

"Just thinkin'."

"I can quickdry your old stuff if you'd prefer that."

"You can do that?"

"That'd be easier, right? I can do it right now-"

"Slow down, I didn't say that."

He ran his hand across the floor, searching for his old mask. It was by the bed, a soggy puddle. He lifted it in the air, sniffed it. It wasn't good.

Definitely needs a wash.

All his clothes did. He scratched his chin, then he said, "Turn the light on for me, would ya?"

She flipped it on and span around to face him. In the beginning she was the last person he ever wanted to see his naked face. He worried that somehow coming into contact with his real identity would poison her, would infect her with the bleakness of his own world. But she wouldn't accept that. One day she just dragged his mask off his head without warning. He was annoyed at first. But then she told him, with tears in her eyes, 'You don't have to hide yourself from me, Noir! I accept you! I accept every part of you! So please, let me in!'

She smiled, "So you did put the new clothes on after all! Are they comfy?"

Noir took his new mask and shuffled it down over his pale face, "How do I look?"

"Terrifying."

"Good."

He cracked his knuckles, then got to his feet with a groan, "Guess I better make sure the others aren't getting into trouble."

"Hold up!" Peni rolled off the bed and wrapped him in a tight hug, "Oh yeah, I did a great job on these. They're really smooth on my cheek. Smell nice, too."

"You sayin' I stink?"

"No, I'm saying you stunk. You should let me take care of you more. I can come collect your clothes and-"

"Not happening," he said, walking towards the bedroom door with his fresh new fedora in hand, "What kinda man would I be if I made a middle schooler do my work for me?"

Peni pouted, "I'm not just some middle schooler, Noir."

"You're right," he agreed, "you're a genius, so you shouldn't be wasting your time on a bum like me. Anyway, my stomach's growling. Figure I should make the most of your infinite supply of food while I can."

She grabbed his free hand as they strolled down the stairs, "You can come back any time, you know? It hasn't gotta be just for the weekend. I was kinda hoping that…well…"

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, "Don't worry doll, I ain't going nowhere. Now…" he looked around the living room, noticing Ham and Gwen off to the side studying at a well-polished desk, "do you still have the pizza on tap?"

She nodded and replied brightly, "Absolutely! As long as Peter B hasn't eaten it all already."

Noir checked the window by the sofa, the window that overlooked the pool. The pool was empty.

"Where is he…?"

Peni looked up at him, "Hm?"

"Peter… the other Peter."

Then he heard it. Laughter. From the pantry behind the kitchen. It was muffled by the thick door but the sound was unmistakable.

Pizza… he's eating the pizza, again. Gotta put the kibosh on that, pronto.

"Wait here, Peni," Noir said as he stormed off towards the pantry.

"Noir!" his pint-sized sidekick called out, but there was no time to waste. He didn't get a chance to enjoy the pizza last time. He wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.

He kicked the door open, "Alright wiseguys, get your paws off the pizza!"

Miles froze, his arms outstretched, ready to pile yet another frozen pizza box into Peter B's already overloaded hands.

B spoke first, "It's not what it looks like."

Noir reached for his gun holster, "I'm done with talking. It's about time I got a taste of that interdimensional pizza."

"Whoa!" Miles exclaimed, dropping his pizza box, "Noir, dude, what are you doing!? It's just some pizza, man!"

Noir pulled out his gun and pointed it at Peter B. Everyone held their breath for a moment, then Miles wheezed, "Wait, is that a squirt gun!?"

His cover was blown. He pulled the trigger, spraying Peter B with a stream of crystal clear water. The eldest spider coughed and spluttered as the liquid ammunition coursed into his mouth. A year's supply of frozen pizza fell to the floor. Yelling. Laughter. Miles dived for Noir, tackling him to the ground.

Peni's voice, "What's going on in there!?"

Noir webbed the door shut, "Sorry doll, this is something we have to settle by ourselves, as men."

He could hear her punching the door, "Don't you give me that! I know you don't believe in any of that old-fashioned crap!"

Peter B leapt to Miles's aid, pinning Noir down, "Didn't know you had such a potty mouth, Peni!"

She growled something or other in reply, but in the chaos Noir couldn't make out what it was.

"We've got you now!" Miles grinned, taking the water pistol from his hand.

Peter B smirked, "Any last words?"

The gun was at his head, loaded with freezing water. Somewhere in the room some machine was hissing.

Peni won't appreciate it if I let my clothes get wet again.

That was an understatement. Miles put his finger on the trigger. The hissing got louder. Now it was a whistling, like steam from a kettle. It was coming from the door. The other two hadn't noticed.

"Yeah, I got some words for ya. Two of 'em: kiss off."

Miles looked at Peter B, "Did he just swear? Is that like, the 1930s way of saying fu-"

"Just plug 'im, Miles!"

But before his new mask could be super soaked the kitchen door was brutally torn from its frame, exposing the three warring spider people to the harsh light of the interdimensional kitchen-diner. The other spiders peered through the door into the carnage. Ham was perplexed. Gwen was amused.

Peni was livid.

"Peni," Peter B began, "clearly you're annoyed, but there's a simple explanation."

Silently she reached over and plucked the water gun from Miles's hands.

"Peni?" he asked, concern in his voice.

She rested her hands on her hips and glared at each of them in turn, "I just gave Noir some new clothes. Dry clothes. Clothes you were gonna make all wet and soggy for no good reason."

Miles and Peter B hung their heads in shame.

She continued, "And the pizza, again? The Dirac Freezebox is powerful but it's not that powerful. You need to slow down."

"Sorry," Peter B said, "It just tastes so good!"

"But what I'm most annoyed about, more than anything else…" her mech, piloted by her spider partner, shone a grumpy emoji face into the pantry, "…is that you were gonna have a water fight without me!"

Everyone looked at her. Peter B's jaw dropped, "Huh?"

She opened fire. Peter B's face was soaked yet again. Gwen watched on in shock as B and Miles both chased Peni across the living room and out to the pool area, where she danced around the edge shooting arcs of water through the air. Noir soon followed, adjusting his hat as he strode towards the back door.

"Ham," he grunted.

"Yeah, big fella?"

He smiled, though no one could see it, "Thanks for lending me your squirt gun," then he opened the back door and immediately hurled himself into the fray.