A/N: Happy new year! Thank you all for being so patient :) I had a very busy holiday season and also got a little ill (not covid, don't worry), so this got ever so slightly delayed, but now it's here! I've half-written the next chapter so that one should also be done this month, all being well! This chapter is all about Gwen, Miles and Peter B. I realized I hadn't given them nearly enough love so far, so I wanted to correct that! Thank you again for all the support. Every fav, follow and review is like a little burst of sunshine in my day 3

Chapter 5: If It Ain't Broke

There are some things in life that you just can't prepare for.

In the pantry behind the kitchen, Gwen poked the 'on' button for Peni's futuristic ice cream maker.

"Yup, it's broken."

Peter B peered over her shoulder, "You're not pushing it hard enough."

"I'm pushing it plenty hard enough."

"Just do it again."

She did. Nothing happened.

Miles, who was watching from the sidelines, commented, "Looks pretty broken to me, B."

"Not helping, Miles."

The three musketeers stared at the alien device, which was a lurid mix of pink, green and violet. It looked like a mass of warring snakes, or a model of the human digestive system.

Gwen squinted at a little cluster of lights peeking out from behind a bulbous green orb, "There's no way I can fix this. We'll have to wait till Peni gets back."

Miles sighed, "I was really looking forward to that ice cream, too…"

"You can live without ice cream for one day, Miles."

B patted his stomach, "Maybe, but I can't."

Gwen rested her hands on her hips, "Well tough luck. The ice cream maker's busted, and that's that."

"I'm telling ya, you just aren't trying hard enough."

"Fine. Show me how it's done then, genius."

"Maybe I will!"

The three of them stood there in silence for a moment, Peter's bold declaration hanging in the air like a stale fart. Gwen raised an eyebrow.

B rubbed his face, "Alright, okay, guess I gotta actually do it."

He crouched down and leaned in close to the ice cream maker, so close that his nose was almost touching it. Miles placed a hand on his shoulder, "B, let's just have something else for dessert. There's infinite food here."

"No," he griped, "I don't care how futuristic this stupid thing is, an ice cream maker's an ice cream maker."

Gwen pinched the bridge of her nose, "B, come on. You have nothing to prove here."

"I just want that ice cream, damn it."

"There's gotta be more ice cream in one of the freezers."

He poked his finger into the maze of tubing, "You find me ice cream, I'll stop. Until then, let me do my job in peace."

Gwen rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Come on Miles, let's find something else to eat."

The younger spiders skirted around Peter B and began rummaging through the many freezers and cupboards in the cavernous pantry. There was jello, sponge cake, heaps of chocolate bars, Japanese sugar candy, gummy bears, gummy humans, marshmallows, yogurts, cartons of pre-chopped tropical fruit, freeze pops and popsicles, chocolate mousse, mousse cake, whipped cream and even flavored ice cubes - just about every dessert you could imagine.

But no ice cream.

Miles scratched the back of his head, "Does Peni not like ice cream?"

"Are you kidding me? She'll eat anything with enough sugar in it. We must be missing something."

Round the corner, Peter B mumbled and grumbled as he tried to get the ice cream maker to work. He had a screwdriver with him now.

Come to think of it, Gwen pondered, I don't think I've ever seen anyone use that ice cream maker before.

There was a lot of tech in the house that she didn't understand, but that comes with the territory when you're living in a liminal space suspended between dimensions. The ice cream maker was just one of many strange devices littering the otherwise normal-looking house. Fixing it by themselves was an impossible task - an impossible task that Peter B was determined to carry out. She knew that he didn't have a clue what he was doing, but she also knew that letting him distract himself would make the dessert-finding process more efficient for everyone.

Where are you hiding the ice cream, Peni?

She knew one thing for certain: it wasn't in the pantry.

Miles tugged on her arm, "Gwen, looking at all those desserts has got me kinda hungry… maybe we should take some stuff with us. You know… for science."

Gwen couldn't have agreed more. They grabbed a handful of gummy bears and chocolate bars and wandered out past Peter B into the kitchen/dining area, letting the door slowly swing closed behind them. The living room stretched out in warm beige, quiet and sleepy like an empty museum under the ceiling lights. Beyond the window on the other side of the room the ultramarine sky swirled in its strange dance. There was a stillness in the air, disturbed only by the soft purr of Ham's cartoonish snoring. He had no idea that he snored as much as B did, and Gwen didn't have the heart to tell him. Well, she did, but she was saving it for the perfect moment. Good comebacks don't grow on trees, you know?

Miles bit off a huge chunk of chocolate and began crunching it down between his teeth. Gwen got on with examining the kitchen. She checked under the counters, in the many drawers and cupboards. She double-checked that the dishwasher didn't have any unexplained buttons, made sure the grill and 'emergency oven' (as Peni called it) weren't secretly harboring frozen food caches. She pored over every inch of every surface, but couldn't find a single thing to indicate the presence of ice cream. She was starting to get fed up. Then from the pantry came an almighty yell.

"DAMN IT!"

Miles froze mid-chomp, a shard of chocolate suspended between his lips. Gwen called out, "B?"

"I'm fine! You found the ice cream yet?"

"No."

B mumbled a complaint, too quiet for Gwen to hear properly. Then the room fell silent again. She continued her search.

"You know," Miles said as they explored the study area nestled in the corner of the house, next to the kitchen/diner, "we could always hop into one of our universes and buy some ice cream. Everyone likes Ben and Jerry's, right?"

"You mean Ted and Harry's."

"No… I-…is this like that thing with 'Viewtube'?"

Gwen allowed herself a small giggle, "Yeah, I guess it is. Probably tastes the same though."

The desk was clean. No ice cream, no hidden freezers. It did have a hidden touchscreen interface which said, in all caps, 'DO NOT TOUCH', but that was different.

Really tempted to touch it.

She resisted, and sealed it back up in its secret compartment. Miles noticed.

"Uhh… are we gonna talk about that just now?"

Gwen rapped her knuckles on the desk, checking to make sure there were no hidden areas that were sound activated, "Nope."

"I don't understand this house. At all."

There's no way we're finding any ice cream around here. Not at this rate.

They started heading up the stairs.

"So Miles, this ice cream idea… you got the money for it?"

Miles scrunched his face up a little as he wracked his brain, "I think so."

"Me too. Guess that means we can pick which universe we visit."

"Well," he said as they approached the second floor, "I told my parents I was at Ganke's, so…"

Gwen felt a weight in the pit of her stomach, "Mine it is, then."

"That all good with your dad?"

"Yeah, he knows. He's cool with it."

She reached the top of the staircase. The door to the bathroom was open. Gwen caught a glimpse of her hair in the mirror. It needed cutting.

Miles strolled up beside her, "Wish my parents knew."

"Can't tell them?"

He shook his head, "Not yet. Someday maybe."

She gave him a gentle knock on the shoulder, "It'll all work out, don't worry. Your parents sound like good people."

"It's cool. At least I got you guys, right?"

Gwen smiled, "Always."

"Been too long since I last saw your universe anyway."

She bit her lip, "It's not that great of a universe."

"Hey," Miles replied, pointing a finger in her direction, "it's got you in it. That's good enough for me."

"Why are we taking the subway again?" Miles asked as they boarded the R Broadway Local from 71st Avenue subway station.

"Because," Gwen whispered, though the train carriage was nearly empty, "Spider-Woman isn't exactly liked by New York. I'm not like you and Peter."

He winced, "Sorry, I forgot-"

"No, it's fine. Anyway, the Ted and Harry's isn't far once we get off, so it won't take that long. Might even be faster than using webs."

There was a momentary silence, then-

"When you say the Ted and Harry's, you mean like, at a grocery store?"

Gwen scoffed, "No way! We're going to the real deal, a store dedicated solely to Ted and Harry's ice cream. They sell it by the scoop."

"By the scoop? Isn't that more expensive?"

"A little. But you get a lot more ice cream. At least, I do."

Miles furrowed his brows, "Friend of yours work there or somethin'?"

"Friend of my dad's, actually," she replied with a smirk.

Miles leaned back in the ragged train chair, "Friend of your dad's… that's pretty sweet. You had it all figured out from the start, huh?"

Gwen tapped the side of her nose, "Not just a pretty face."

That got his heart pumping.

A pretty face… you definitely got that, Gwen.

Miles stared at the shadows rumbling by outside the narrow carriage window. His heart refused to stop attacking his ribcage. He ignored it.

"D'you think we shoulda told B where we were going?"

"He would've only complained."

He knew she was right, but he also knew that they'd definitely be getting a lecture when they got back, assuming B wasn't still struggling with Peni's ice cream maker.

He'll forgive us once he sees the ice cream… I hope.

The train trundled on. They sat in silence as passengers gradually began to file in, station by station, till the whole carriage was full. Miles heard the automated announcer say, 'Now arriving at 57th Street-7th Avenue'. Gwen tapped him on the shoulder.

"Next stop's ours."

They got off at Times Square-42nd Street, and were met with a wall of cars. He'd almost forgotten what the streets of Manhattan looked like from ground level. He didn't even register the skyscrapers, not at first. He was too distracted by the searing glow of the digital billboards that lined every wall and street corner. When he eventually craned his neck to gaze at the backlit night sky, his eyes were instead met with the red neon of a sign that simply read, 'SUBWAY'.

Looks a lot better in the air.

Gwen started striding off to the left.

"This way, Miles."

Past Times Tower and the Hard Rock Cafe they went, snaking through the crowds. A couple times he lost Gwen in the chaos, but his spider-sense kept him on course. When they met for the first time the sudden flare of spider-sense was like a waterfall roaring in his mind, a constant hum in his skull. But he'd got so used to it during their time together that when everyone left through the collider, when it was just him, alone…the silence that followed was deafening.

But that's old news now.

He squeezed his way past some bald dude in a trenchcoat and caught up to Gwen, clapping her on the shoulder.

"You haven't gotta power walk everywhere, you know?"

She looked surprised, "I'm not, though."

"Trust me, you are."

They turned a corner, "Don't like the crowds?"

"There's crowds and then there's crowds, you know? If this was Brooklyn it'd be a different story."

"Ah! We're here," she said, pointing to a white 'Ted and Harry's' sign to their right.

Miles grinned, "This better taste good. Ben and Jerry's is-"

Gwen smirked, "Nothing compared to Ted and Harry's, you're right."

They strolled through a pair of red double doors. The store was empty but for two male servers standing behind a tall, glass counter. On the other side of the glass was a rainbow array of ice creams.

As they entered the store the older of the two servers, a man with snow-white hair and warm laughter lines on either side of his mouth, called out to them, "Gwen! Was wondering when you'd want your next fix."

She gave him a quiet smile, "Can't keep myself away."

"Who's your friend?"

She looked across to Miles. He blinked, "I'm-"

"Just a friend, you know, from… school," Gwen interrupted.

The old man didn't bother to hide his wry grin. Miles cleared his throat and approached the counter.

"So…Gwen…which ones do we get?"

Gwen's eyes were focused on the ocean of frozen choices laid out before them, "Well, I know what I'm having."

Miles chuckled, "Glad it's so easy for you. I don't even know where to start."

"They're all good, so you can't go wrong. Unless you hate mint. Or you're allergic to nuts."

"Well I'm not allergic to nuts, but…wait-" he pointed at a vat of red, white and blue-ish grey ice cream, "What is that?"

The other server, who was much younger than the one Gwen knew, chimed in cheerily, "We call that one red, white and blueberry."

He shook his head at the terrible pun, "Shoulda guessed."

Gwen thumbed her chin, "Which one do you think Ham would like?"

"Ham's asleep."

"Yeah, but I'd feel bad leaving him out."

The younger server leaned an elbow on the counter, "We do sell sealed tubs here too, if that helps."

Miles asked, "In all the flavors?"

"Ah, no. I'd have to look in the back to be sure of what's in stock, but I know we have New York Super Fudge Chunk, and Vanilla."

"Just those two?"

"We might have Peanut Butter Cup. Maybe."

Gwen stepped forward, "Fudge is good. He likes fudge."

The server smiled, "Great. Shall I get that for you now?"

"Hang on a sec," she turned to face her fellow spider-person, "Miles, which flavor do you want?"

He played with the hem of one of his sleeves, "I dunno, there's… there's just so many options."

"Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough."

"What?"

"You should get some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor ice cream."

He stared at her in confusion, "Why that one in particular?"

"Cos that's the one I want. If we both go for it, we can get an extra huge one to share. I know they'll do it for you if you ask."

Miles glanced at the older server, who gave him a mischievous wink.

My man, you don't know what you're getting me into.

"Well, I do like chocolate chip cookies. So then what are we getting Peni? And Noir?"

"They can share too."

He took a step back, "What, all four of us!?"

She grimaced, "No! What the hell? They can share the Strawberry Shortcake."

"You didn't tell me about any Strawberry Shortcake!"

She busted out her wallet, "So it's settled then. One tub of New York Super Fudge, one special super extra large Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, one Strawberry Shortcake, same size, and-"

Miles tapped his hand on the counter, "You forgot about Peter B."

She scowled at him, "I did not. I was about to ask you what we should get him."

"That's the thing, I don't-"

Suddenly the old man interrupted, "Phish Food."

They both stared at him, stunned, "Fish food?"

"No. Phish Food. Chocolate ice cream with marshmallow and caramel swirls… and little fish-shaped fudge chunks. What's not to like?"

The spider duo looked at each other. Without saying a word they both understood: that was the perfect kind of sugar rush for Peter B.

Gwen pulled her card out of her wallet with a determined grin, "We'll take it."

He'd done it. Peter B had finally done it.

"Took long enough."

The ice cream maker was fixed. The stupid thing somehow busted its own wiring. The wire that led to the mains connector was just straight-up cut in half! Cut in half!

Need to up your game, Peni.

The pantry floor was cold and his ass was numb. He patted his burgeoning stomach.

"God I'm hungry."

And now, finally, he could eat. He stood up with a groan, cracked his knuckles, and flipped on the power at the plug socket. The ice cream maker was ready to go.

I'll call in the rugrats once I've had the first scoop. It's only fair, as I fixed the damn thing.

He prepared his victory speech in his head, imagining the chagrin of the younger spiders as he demonstrated that his 'boomer' capabilities were still relevant, even for tech from a thousand years in the future. He reached for the device's 'on' button, then-

"We're back!" came a chorus of voices off to the side. He looked over and saw Miles and Gwen standing there, arms loaded with what looked like… ice cream?

He frowned, "Is that Ben and Jerry's?"

"Ted and Harry's," Gwen corrected, "Don't get mad, but-"

Before she could finish, a youthful voice called out from the living room, "We're ba~ck! …guys?"

Heavy stomps thumped towards the pantry. Then the door swung open to reveal the ever-terrifying visage of Noir.

He looked over his shoulder, "Found 'em."

I don't care what they say, Peter B thought to himself, I'm gonna be the one to have the first ice cream.

Peni bounced in like a ball of sunshine.

"Oooh!" she said, clapping her hands together in excitement, "you fixed up the soda machine! Thank you so much, B!"

"What!?" he replied, "No no, this is the ice cream maker. I wanted some-"

She grabbed a mug from the countertop, placed it under the machine's colorful nozzle, and pushed the 'on' button. Bubbly, luminescent soda poured out. She downed it in a single gulp.

"Oh yeah," she sighed, "That's the good stuff. I owe you one."

His stomach growled in disappointment, "You owe me ice cream."

Miles stepped forward, "About that. We actually got you some-"

Peni didn't let him finish, "Ice cream? Well that's right here, silly!"

Everyone watched as she wandered deeper into the pantry. She stood over one of the many uniformly shaped tiles, then she tapped it twice with the heel of her shoe.

"Yup," she said, "this is the one."

Without hesitating she tapped out the rhythm to 'shave and a haircut', then clapped her hands twice. By the same black magic fuckery that sustained the eldritch house they were all living in, a glowing door materialized out of thin air, right in front of the pint-sized genius. She opened it and poked her head through.

"It's all in here," she said, "Didn't I tell you before?"

B rubbed his stubbled face, "No. You didn't…"

She scratched the back of her head sheepishly, "Whoops… sorry."

All that work… for a goddamn soda machine.

Though he had to admit, the soda did look good.

"Guys!" Miles exclaimed, "None of that matters. In case you haven't noticed, the ice cream you need is right here."

He lifted his ice cream laden arms up slightly. At that moment in time, Peter B could've eaten every last tub all by himself.

Peni closed the magic door, her eyes wide, "Is that Ben and Jerry's?"

"Ted and Harry's," Gwen corrected again, "I hope you like Strawberry Shortcake flavor."

"Oh my god, yes please! Is that tub ALL for me!?"

Miles handed her the enormous vat of ice cream, "And Noir, if he wants any."

Noir adjusted his hat, "Won't say no to free ice cream."

Peter B sighed, the urge to laugh overpowering his deep, instinctive need to be grouchy. Of course the stupid house had a secret ice cream room. Why not? I mean it had a fucking neuro-whatever pool and an anywhere door. He should've just assumed there'd be some bullshit involved.

If Ham gives me any crap for this I swear to god-

Suddenly Miles was in front of him, "B, this one's for you."

Before he could reply his hands were being loaded with a tub of what looked like chocolate ice cream.

"Phish Food," Miles said without any explanation.

"What!?"

"With a P-H."

"That doesn't make it any clearer."

He smiled, "Just try it."

Peter B never could resist Miles' smile, not that he'd ever let the kid know that. Without saying a word he pulled him in for a hug.

"Thanks, Miles. I'm gonna enjoy this. And then," he stepped back, "I'm gonna enjoy whatever's left of yours, too."

"Dream on, old timer. There won't be any left when I'm done."

"Old timer!? Right, that's it, give me that hug back. I'm officially recalling that hug I just gave you."

Miles dashed past the others, "Gotta catch me first!"

"I've caught you once already - I'll do it again!"

But he didn't. Instead he calmly opened one of the drawers, withdrew a large spoon, and started digging in to his well-deserved (in his opinion, at least) treat.

Dessert rushes for no one, baby.