Cayde blinked. How long had he been staring at the same requisition? He sat back in his chair and threw the pen on the desk. He leaned on the arm of his chair, kneeding the plates of his face like he might pinch the bridge of his nose… if he still had one.

The cluttered shelves to his left spoke to the little things he couldn't let go of. A crumpled drawing from Holliday when she was still just a kid, burned along the edges from the Red War invasion. Rusted weapon parts he'd scavenged from friends who hadn't been able to beat the game. Torn banners, spent ammo, ramen tokens, and about a million other small, scattered somethings he could hardly recognize anymore. A beat-up metal pendant engraved with a spade, laying alongside its broken chain. He liked to imagine it was a token of love from his Queen.

Felt like a betrayal with how long it'd been since he thought of her. She used to linger in his mind all the time, even when he wasn't actively thinking about her, pushing him to make better choices. Not that her influence was always with him, but hell, he was still himself. Only so much she could help with that. At least it mattered with the big stuff. He guessed that since he'd grown closer to Wren the idea of the Queen had slowly faded and frankly? That was as scary as what was happening in reality.

What if he lost the Queen? He was already losing Wren. What if his Queen abandoned him out of a sense of betrayal? What if—

A knock at the door snapped him back to reality and he went back to the requisitions while beckoning the person to enter. Shaxx? Well that was different. Cayde cocked a brow and put the pen down.

"Fancy seein' you here," he said. "This about your ship? You know I'm not getting' that part in for another week."

"This isn't about the ship."

Shaxx's helmet turned ever so slightly to Cayde's arm where he'd worn Wren's favor since the invasion but now it was gone. Cayde tenses, feeling oddly vulnerable under the Titan's gaze.

"Then what? Cuz I'm sure I don't owe you Glimmer. We settled that bet a long time ago. Right?"

"It's about Wren."

Cayde tensed, forcing a smile as he leaned into his chair. "Well you've definitely come to the wrong place. I'm not her acting Vanguard. You need her for somthin', you better go talk to Big Blue."

"Why is she with Sisre and Rorick instead of at home?"

Cayde's expression dropped. "I dunno, she does her own thing." He stood and grabbed a few requisitions. "You know how women are. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta ask why Holliday has put in three different forms for the same part and how two of these signatures spell her name with…" he squinted at the form, "three "l's" and an "ae" at the end. So if ya let me squeeze on by here…"

Shaxx stepped in front of him, the Titan looming over the smaller Hunter.

"She's sick," he said and Cayde's shoulders drooped slightly. "I took her to their apartment and gave her medicine but she needs more than that."

"Sick?"

Shaxx gave a small nod.

How? Did she follow him in the storm after the attack? He thought back on the last few days, remembering the look on her face that night, blood on his blade. There wasn't a chance she had followed him. No. That wasn't possible. He shoved the idea down.

"I'm sure she'll be fine," he muttered, trying to push past Shaxx.

"You need to bring her home."

"Listen big guy, I know you aren't really in the loop, but trust me when I say she's better off without me." Cayde ducked the Titan's arm but he knew full well Shaxx let him go.

"Don't you think she deserves to make that decision herself?"

Cayde glanced back at Shaxx who had picked up a spent Better Devils shell from the corner of the desk. Cayde stiffened as he watched Shaxx inspect it, gently rolling it between his massive fingers.

"I gotta go."

"Cayde." Shaxx' voice held a stern edge and Cayde paused, hand on the doorknob. "You're a great Hunter. Excellent at dodging. Running. But sometimes, you have to stand and fight or you'll lose the best things that could ever happen to you."

Sound advice… from a Titan. Still, Cayde, couldn't imagine Shaxx would feel the same way if he knew what had happened between him and Wren. Hell, he'd probably slap Cayde's head clean off his shoulders like he did Felwinter.

"Sometimes it's better to know when you've been beaten," Cayde said. "Spares casualties on both sides."

"The Cayde I know would never give in. He always has an… ace in the hole?"

Cayde turned as Shaxx tossed the spent casing his way. He rolled it in his palm before clenching his fist around it. Shaxx gave him a reassuring nod, and Cayde left, headed to the Hanger with more questions than answers and a growing pit of anxiety in his chest.

Sunset came and went but Cayde was still pacing the street outside of Sisre and Rorick's apartment building under the long awning over the sidewalk, just out of the rain. There was no sign of Wren coming or going, but Rorick had left almost an hour before, promising to bring home food. Of course Cayde had waited around the corner like some creepy stalker, trying to hype himself over what to say.

Sisre and Rorick knew. He knew they knew. Their Ghosts had sent more than enough messages through Sundance who was so upset with him distancing himself from Wren that she hadn't spoken to him since the night of the incident. As much as she'd begged him to go back and man up, he resisted and a heated argument ensued. They both said things they didn't mean and that only added to the pain of the expression on Wren's face.

To say he hadn't felt this alone in a long time was pretty accurate.

Rorick approached and Cayde forced himself out of the shadows.

"Ah, Rorick," Cayde said, forcing a jolly tone. "I uh… was lookin for you."

The Titan's mouth curved into a frown. "For what?"

"Well, ya know that scout rifle you—"

"I know why you're here." He took a step closer to Cayde and for a split second the Vanguard expected to get decked, but instead Rorick put a hand on Cayde's shoulder and squeezed. "You're doing the right thing by coming here."

"I don't know if I agree with that."

"You don't have to agree with something for it to be true. Wren loves you, Cayde. I'm glad you're not wasting that connection after one misstep."

Cayde huffed. "That's what you call what happened? A misstep?"

"If there's anyone who understands how this life effects a person, it's you. We both know being a Guardian is abundantly filled with pain, heartache, and loss. We die in the most horrific ways sometimes and every once in awhile our teams have to make hard calls for us."

"I did something to her… things can't ever be the same."

"From what I understand, you're tormenting yourself over what happened outside the Fallen encampment. She doesn't even remember that. We both know she doesn't. As for the dream? That's something we all have to deal with. You know that. If you hadn't been so pent up about what happened and got it out of your system, that likely wouldn't have happened."

"This is a bad idea," he turned to leave.

"Cayde, I won't stop you. I won't force you to go inside and get her and take her home, but I will say this. You stand at an important crossroad in your life. And hers. If you walk away, I don't want you coming back here. She's hurting. She looked for you all night in that storm and it took Franz finding her to bring her home. If you walk away, Sisre and I will make sure she heals and can stand on her own but if you wait until that point to come back because you've changed your mind? You and I will have to settle it in the Crucible and Vanguard be damned, I will enjoy putting you down."

Silence passed between them and after a moment Cayde heard Rorick go into the apartment building. Cayde hesitated only a moment before following, keeping distance until he saw Rorick disappear into an apartment several floors up. He left the door open and Cayde entered, standing at the threshold with his heart in his throat.

Stand and fight. Stand and fight. Stand and fight.

The place was dark and cool with plants all over the place. Sisre sat in the living room, curled up with a book in an overstuffed armchair, the warm glow of a floor lamp over her shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled.

"I was hoping you'd come. But you're a bit late. We have to leave a bit after dawn."

"Yeah, I…" he had no excuse so he stopped himself. "Where is she?"

"Sleeping. Shaxx gave her medicine and tea hours ago and she's been sleeping it off."

"Maybe I should just go. You know, let her get her rest."

Sisre closed her book and set it aside. "I think that would be a mistake. Even the first night she was asking for you."

"My threat still stands," Rorick reminded, heading to the kitchen.

"Why do I feel like everyone in the City is tryin' to bully me into doing—"

"The right thing?" Sisre smirked. "Go get her and take her home. We leave just after dawn so you don't have long."

He walked to the cracked door to the guest room and peered in at Wren's sleeping form. Rain pattered on the window and pale light from a streetlamp outside peeked through the curtains. He blinked when the visions of blood on her throat slipped in. At this point he didn't know which one was more traumatizing. The look on her face or the unspeakable act he had to perform that got them to this point.

On the bedside table was Shaxx's gigantic mug and some other things he knew belonged to the Titan. Guilt edged into the back of Cayde's mind. Even fucking Shaxx was taking better care of her than he was. He eased over to her bedside, feeling like the darkest shadow in the room.

"Hey," he whispered, nudging her shoulder.

"Cayde?" she replied, grumbling as she opened her eyes.

"I'm here. You uh…. You wanna go home?"

She held her arms out to him and his heart leapt into his throat. Her eyes closed and she nodded and he gently picked her up. Cradling her close, the sensation of tears rising in his throat. The scent of her mixed with the damp of his cloak, smelling of fresh oranges and rain soaked city streets. Tea also lingered here and the bitter twinge of medicine. Despite what she'd been given he could tell she still had a fever, her forehead hot against his cheek.

He'd almost lost this. Almost given it up and for what? With one hand he pulled his cloak around to wrap it around her before tucking her closer to his body. Sisre joined them, taking a blanket off the bed and covering Wren with her to keep her from the rain.

"Take care of her," Sisre said, her fingertips lingering on Cayde's shoulder.

How could they all forgive him so easily?

"I'll try."

He kept his head down and got her home as quickly as possible, a shudder rushing down his spine when he opened the door and lightning lit the apartment. Just like the night he'd pinned her. She stirred as his grip on her tightened.

"We're home?" she whispered.

"Yeah. We're home."

"I don't feel so good."

"You want something to eat."

She looked around, seeming to think about it before shaking her head. Her lips looked dry. The medicine Shaxx had given her was likely the culprit. Not only to that but to her lingering grogginess.

Cayde wished they had a couch he could put her own but the apartment was still bare except some boxes, their bed, and the random junk that had started to accumulate on the bar. The last place he thought she'd want to be was in the bedroom but it was the only option. The moment he set her down she stretched, a soft whimper escaping her as she rolled into the nest of cool blankets that probably felt amazing against her hot skin.

"I'll get you something to drink," he said, disappearing into the kitchen. When he came back she'd burrowed into the blankets and he set the glass of water down with a sigh. "You shouldn't do that. It'll make your fever worse."

She replied something deep in the blankets and though he couldn't make out what was said, the grumbling told him it was nothing good.

The wet cloak, armor, and blanket he'd brought her home with were stripped and left hanging in the bathroom. Pajamas hung on the back of the door and though he wished he could keep the armor on, protect himself, hide from the conversation he knew they needed to have, maybe it was time to be vulnerable. He grabbed a washcloth from the shelf and wet it before returning to her. He pulled back the blanket so he could dab her cheek and forehead. Her teeth chattered.

"Cold," she complained.

"That's the idea." He tugged the blankets off her shoulders and wiped her bare shoulder, then her neck. Chills rose on her skin but she allowed him to pull the blankets down around her hips and continue cooling her off.

"Listen kid," he began, keeping his eyes on her arm where the dark cloth left a shimmer of moisture on her skin. "We gotta have a talk."

"About the nightmare?"

She seemed to become a little more coherent as he held her hand and drew the cool cloth from her shoulder to wrist.

"Something about that but more… more about what caused it."

"I don't really remember what happened."

"That's not the point. What I had to do to you? It was—"

"But you had to," she was staring at him. He could feel it but he couldn't make himself look her in the eye. "You just said that. Sisre and Rorick told me what happened. If you wouldn't have done it, the whole fireteam would have been as risk."

Cayde shook his head. "Still."

"I would have been way angrier if you would have gotten Sisre or Rorick killed. Or… or if I lost you."

He began to work on her other arm.

"I know what you did," she said and he paused.

What he'd done to her was horrible. What he'd done to the Fallen? And with the Hunters watching?

"They told you about that?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I wish I knew what to say."

"Me too. I know why. And I know what happened. But I didn't… I didn't think you were capable of that. And seeing the way to were toward the Hunter that bumped into me? I don't know what to think. Or how to feel about any of this."

"I know."

"It was scary."

His heart twisted. "I didn't mean to scare you. With any of this. Dammit kid I just… thinking about losing you like I thought I did during the invasion is…" he let out a frustrated sigh.

"I mean when you left."

Hie gaze finally met hers.

"Don't get me wrong, I guess I understand why you ran but I was so afraid you were gone for good."

"Kid—"

"Sugarbird," she corrected, tears welled up in her eyes, lower lip quivering.

"Sugarbird, I really don't know where to go from here. I'm no good for you. I know that. This whole damn situation screams it. I never shoulda let this get me where I am and now I don't even trust myself not to hurt you without even meanin' to."

"I just want you to be honest with me. I feel like I don't even know you and I don't… dammit Cayde I don't want to feel that way. If I'm going to be here with you, I want you to be honest with me. Even if it's hard."

"I know," he sighed. "It won't be easy. I don't really do the whole vulnerable thing."

Wren slowly sat up against the headboard and looked at him, chewing her cheek. His heart felt like it was going to stop dead. Was she considering if it was worth it? Hell, he'd wouldn't blame her in the least if it wasn't. Not like he had anything great to bring to the table.

"What now?" she asked.

"Whatever you want I guess."

"And what about you? Are you going to calm down?"

He hesitated. "I dunno. I can try, but I won't make any promises it'll change overnight. I got a lotta stuff hangin' around in here," he said, pointing to his head. "I just want you safe."

"But you also know I'm a Guardian. You have to trust my abilities."

"I do. I told you before you're one of the best I've seen I just… it's a lot sometimes."

"Promise you'll try to be better."

He offered her a small nod but she seemed willing enough to accept it for now. She leaned over to his side of the bed where the favor she'd given him lay neatly folded as it had been when she returned it. The thing had sat there in the open since the incident, taunting him over what he was losing and he'd let it remain, knowing he deserved the ghost of it.

"Don't take this unless you mean it," she said, holding it out to him.

"I don't think I deserve it."

"It's mine to give. You need to trust my decisions."

Cayde looked her in the eye, the trace of worry there. Was she afraid he'd decline? He thought back on what Rorick said and it made him hyper aware of the moment. He could say no and risk everything. Or he could take it and do his best to live up to it. Like with his Queen. She was a cobbling together of everything he loved about everyone he loved. And why would she be any different? Because she was real. One woman. Right in front of him, offering her heart.

He held out his arm and a tear streamed down her cheek as a smile curved her lips. She scoot a little closer and tied the red fabric around his arm.

"Looks like you're stuck with me now," he said and she leaned up to kiss him.

"Just don't forget your promise."

"And you don't forget yours. You always gotta come back to me."

She smiled, her hand resting on his cheek.

"Now lay down," he said, guiding her to recline again. "You still have a fever. I'll go get you some more medicine and then you'll have to get some sleep."

This time when she closed her eyes she seemed more relaxed. Like a weight had been lifted. At least it had for her. Deep down, despite knowing he was going to try his damndest to keep her, he couldn't deny the pit still remained. Fear. Anger. The urge to wrap her in his arms and never let her leave his side because he knew the nightmares would remain. That gut punch when he thought she'd died in his arms wouldn't be easy to shake and now the added baggage of everything else on top?

He could only hope she'd remain patient with him.

Once her fever broke and she was resting, he curled around her, matching his breathing to hers and for the first time in a long time, he fell asleep. Though the edge of fear remained, he had to admit he felt better than he had in a long time. Something about this felt… right.

Silently he thanked Shaxx, Rorick, and Sisre. They didn't let him walk away. No more running. He had to stand and fight.