A/N. I reference several things that happened during the BoS, and during earlier chapter from this story! Next chapter will be a different version of Daydreams and Nightmares, and then I have one or two chapter planned that were not in the original series, let's just say that lol.
I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender
It had been three days since… since that.
Three long days.
It was getting better. The pounding of those heartbeats had disappeared during the first day. But Katara had refused to do waterbending. Aang had tried to convince her that it would do her some good, but she had not wanted to.
Waterbending was, at least for her, about defending people in need… Healing… And about pride. She had always been proud to be able to bend. Even when Sokka spoke of "her magic water tricks" or when her Gran Gran had made her stop when there were strangers in the village… She had never felt like it was a burden.
Until now.
They had left that uninhabited island that morning and had come to this mining town. Sitting on the steps of a building with Toph, she watched as her brother and Aang were talking to one of the merchants. At her feet lay most of the things they had bought. Rice, grain, vegetables and so on… Katara was biting her lip, in thought. It would have been better if they had just left her there. There, she couldn't do any harm. It would be difficult, and she would miss them… But it would be safer. So much safer for them. Aang wouldn't have to care for her, like he had done these last few days, and could concentrate on his training… Just eleven days before the Invasion…
But Katara knew that her friends would never accept anything of the kind, Aang least of all. They would have dragged her to the invasion, kicking and screaming, if they needed to. So, here she was, looking over the long list of items Sokka had decided to buy. He wanted to get plenty of supplies, so that the week before the invasion could be spent isolated at the rendezvous point. And judging the mountain of supplies at her feet, Katara would say they had enough to feed a whole regiment for one week. Or just one very hungry Sokka.
She had listened to it quietly, without protest or even advice. Her brother had several things he wanted to do. First, make armour for Appa, which would be easy with Toph's metal bending. They just needed to buy enough steel, without making it too obvious why they were purchasing such an amount. And it was a good idea… She would hate for something to happen to the bison, who seemed just… too sweet to be part of the battle. Of course, Katara had seen how Appa behaved when angry, and knew she wouldn't want to be in the shoes of whoever stood in his way then… But still.
Secondly, Sokka insisted that Aang would train at least six hours a day, from the moment they settled at the Black Cliffs, the place where their dad was joining them. The waterbender had agreed that would be a good idea… But she would need to waterbend in order to train Aang. And she wasn't sure if she was ready for that.
It was not easy to think about all of that, to know that in just eleven days, they would begin the invasion. Maybe, in twelve days… All of this would be over. What would their world look like in twelve days?
There were two possibilities… The first, the one she was hoping for, was that they would win. In one day, they would make sure the world would know peace for the first time in a century. And… Well, she tried not to think about it… But it would also mean having Ozai, Azula and Zuko in their power. She knew that she shouldn't think about these kinds of things, and she didn't want to… But it would be great to see them suffer.
Katara knew that this was not something that had to do with her feelings about bloodbending. No. Those feelings had been present for years. Or at least, wanting to see the people responsible for her mother's death be punished. And, for a long time, she had felt like the Fire Nation's Royal family was responsible for it. They had not killed her mother, but they had created the world in which that was a possibility.
Pushing aside that train of thought, Katara inhaled softly, trying to calm down. She should not think like that. If they won, it would a joyous occasion. Not one to put revenge first. No, it would be a happy moment… They would finally be able to live in peace. Maybe even… Maybe even built a life for themselves. Maybe.
But a voice still protested in her head, making her think of the other possibility… The one where they would be defeated. Aang would probably be killed, or imprisoned for life, to make sure there was no one able to resist the Fire Nation's rise to absolute power. And what about them? The army her father was building would be either killed or put to work in those prison camps… And she? Azula knew about Aang and her. Either she would be used by the princess to make sure Aang wouldn't try to resist or be immediately killed.
No. That, she would not allow. If it came to it, she would rather be killed. Certainly, after hearing how the waterbenders were treated by the Fire Nation. No. She would rather jump off a cliff than let that happen to her.
That made her smile. Not happily, but still smile. Aang was right. It was about the choices they made, not about what they were capable of… She would not choose to focus on revenge against the Fire Nation. And in the case of defeat, Katara chose not to be used as a bargaining chip. She would make her own decisions.
"Is that a smile I feel?" Toph's voice interrupted her inner thoughts, and maybe for the better…
"Maybe." Katara answered shortly, looking how her brother put his hand out, and the merchant grabbed it, shaking it. Ah. So, they had come to some agreement. They walked inside the building, probably to get whatever they had bought. Aang quickly glanced over his shoulder, and Katara waved towards him.
"How are you feeling? And no lying Sweetness." The blind girl put a hand on her arm, and that surprised the waterbender. Normally, the earthbender would punch you to show affection. Not this.
"Better." She answered, sighing. Sure, she was feeling a bit better, but it was still not perfect. At least, the full moon had subsided, and she was not feeling the heartbeats and the rush of blood through someone's veins now…
"Why are you not training with Aang in the mornings?" Toph asked, while sitting down next to her. Ah… So it had been noticed…
"I… he doesn't need to train waterbending, he has been a master for several months now." That was true. Their training session had become more of a way to let off steam. But now… She didn't want to bend. Katara had not done anything since… Since they had got away from that village.
"So? Training has never been about getting better for you two. It has been about spending time together, I know that for a fact. He may have learned waterbending, but that has never been your primary goal." Toph smiled at her, and for the first time in days, Katara could feel a slight blush appear on her face… Yeah.
"I…" It was no use lying about it. Not with Toph.
"I'm scarred about waterbending again." She whispered, not wanting to admit it to herself.
A silence followed, and Katara felt how her hands began to shake a bit. She couldn't start bending again.
"Why?" The blind girl asked.
"I t-think… I fear it will make me think of… of her." The waterbender muttered, suddenly feeling a hand grasp her own fingers. Looking up in surprise, she saw Toph, turned towards her, holding her hand in her own callous one.
"Katara," The fact the blind girl used her real name was indication enough about the seriousness that would follow, "I know for a fact that there is nothing to worry about. Just try it." Toph released her hand just as quickly as she had taken it, but the fact the blind girl had initiated physical contact that was not punching surprised Katara.
The earthbender was right, but how could she do it? If… If it did affect her, what was her life going to be? Repressing her own waterbending, to make sure not to feel so hurt and afraid again? And it was not feasible! Their plans were counting on her to help during the fight… With fighting, or healing if necessary. So how could she not at least try? It would be entirely selfish of her to refuse to use her powers, just because… because of her.
"Ready to go?" Sokka's voice suddenly called out. Looking away from the small earthbender next to her, Katara saw her brother and Aang stand next to a cart loaded with thick metal plates. The cart in question was drawn by the fattest dragon moose she had ever seen.
"Well… I may still need one or two things." She said, quietly. Her brother looked surprised at his least and at the mountain of supplies next to them.
"But… We have everything!" He protested.
"I want to buy cloth. You are getting clothes from Dad, but I don't want to go into battle with this." Katara gestured at her Fire Nation dress. Their father had promised Sokka, before they left, that he would make a tribal armour for him. It was the custom for the father of a new soldier to make one… So that was normal. She had maybe resented that the same hadn't been offered to her, but she could understand. So, she would make her own.
And she had also planned on making Aang his Air Nomad attire. The one he had made himself had been burned away by Azula.
"Alright, I'll stay with you while the others load this on poor Appa!" Aang suggested, and Katara didn't miss the small exchange of looks between the airbender and her brother.
You'll keep an eye on her?
Sure will, no worries.
Spirits, Katara knew they meant well, but seriously? Thinking back at her own spiralling thoughts just moments before, she sighed. Yeah, perhaps having some company would be safer.
They helped loading the supplies on the cart, and after that, looked as Toph and Sokka led the fat animal and the cart down the road, towards the place they were camping and had left Appa and Momo. It was a bit awkward to be alone with Aang once more… The last time had been when she had completely broken down, three days ago…
"So! We can buy that cloth, and then maybe go eat something! Oh! And I saw a firebender performing tricks and so on down the other square!" Aang was looking at her, with a big smile on his face. But Katara saw right through it. That was his acting smile. Not his real genuine one. When he smiled for real it was that small grin, one that didn't show any teeth, but it made his eyes twinkle and there were always wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiled his real smile.
This one was not it. This was clearly him trying to uplift her spirits.
"Come on, let's buy what we need, and then we'll see." Katara answered. She wasn't really planning on staying any longer…
They walked down the plaza, down to one of the merchants that clearly had enough cloth, and even different colours!
Fire Nation dressing code still surprised her. Sure, in other nations, there was also a sort of unspoken rule to wear one specific colour, but it didn't mean there weren't any other options. The fact that most people of the Water Tribe wore blue wasn't just a cultural thing. The only way to dye a fabric was by using plants, and to boil it in a mixture of the plants, vinegar and water. And in the Poles, there weren't many plants to speak of. And the only plant resistant enough to the cold gave a blue colour. So, blue parkas it was.
But here in the Fire Nation, it was compulsory! Red or black! Those were the choices. An undershirt could be grey, but the upper layers had to be red. Why Katara didn't know. Probably just one more way for the government to bed people to their will.
Bend people to their will.
Katara felt a sick feeling in her stomach but steeled herself. Just a poor way of phrasing. Nothing more.
They stopped in front of the merchant, whose stall was clearly intended to draw your eye. Most of the cloth was red, but here and there, Katara could see there was a piece of blue fabric, orange, and even the green of the Earth Kingdom.
"Hello young people!" The man behind the counted of the stall was around fifty, a small balding figure, but the moment he turned towards them, Katara heard Aang gasp. Turning to him, she saw how the airbender looked pale, looking at the merchant.
"Oh, you!" The merchant smiled at Aang.
"You know him?" She asked the airbender next to her. They had not stopped at this stall during the buying of all those supplies.
"Eh… no!" Yeah, Aang was clearly lying.
"Young people these days. You met me in Fire Fountain City a week or two ago." The merchant smiled, and Katara saw how Aang flushed a deep red. What was this?
"Oh yeah… hehe. Of course!" The airbender chuckled awkwardly next to her.
Katara shook her head, not even trying to understand what was happening, and began to look at the fabrics. There was enough, more than enough, to make herself some new clothes. And also, to make a tunic for Aang. She had never made trousers so he would probably have to keep the ones of his disguise… But an Air Nomad tunic was not difficult. She had watched him making the one he had worn in the Earth Kingdom, and it looked easy enough.
"Last time you hadn't this much colour on your stall sir." Aang spoke beside her. So, he did remember it. He was just, for some reason, hiding it. Had he bought something embarrassing? No, what embarrassing thing could you buy at a cloth merchant?
"Ah, but that was at Fire Fountain… Dreadful city. All those rules! And the tariffs! You don't want to imagine what I need to pay to get a good place at the market there!" The man complained, while he produced a bale of silk in a dark blue shade.
"This one would go so nicely with the colour of your eyes dear!" The small man smiled, and Katara couldn't help but agree… It was beautiful. It made her think of the blue hues her tribe used for their clothes, but this was made of silk rather than wool. And that would be much more comfortable in this climate… So… Why not?
"Enough for two dresses in that case." She wouldn't argue about prices and so on, she didn't have the energy for that. And she didn't even try to hide the fact that the fabric was going to be used for clothes.
"Alright!" The man began to measure out the fabric, and as he was doing that, Katara turned to Aang, who had turned an even darker shade of red. What was with him?
"Are you alright?"
"Y-yeah!" The airbender cleared his throat, smiling at her, with yet again his acting grin.
"Maybe… Maybe you could also buy something?" She suggested, gesturing at the orange and yellow colours a bit further down the stall. At that, the acting smile disappeared, and his genuine one came on his face. Yeah… He liked that idea.
"To… To show the world that I'm not gone?" He whispered
"Exactly!" Katara felt, for the first time in those long days, a real, genuine smile form on her lips. And that feeling made the icy wall she had tried to build around her heart crack. It did feel good to see Aang sincerely happy.
As he looked over the fabrics, Katara turned back to the merchant, who was now folding the silk he had cut and handed it to her.
"He has good taste. Your boyfriend bought some of the same fabric two weeks ago." The man smiled, and Katara smiled once more at Aang being called her boyfriend. Sure, it was so much more than that… But the merchant couldn't know that. Quickly glancing at said airbender, she saw he had apparently not heard the man speaking.
Katara nodded at the merchant, but at the same time, she wondered what in the name of Tui and La Aang had been doing, buying blue silk. It had been during those days she had that fight with Toph, maybe he had wanted to make something the cheer her up? It would be something he would do. And maybe he had decided against it? That was surely it.
"Can I have enough of this to make a tunic?" Aang voice interrupted her thoughts, and she looked up, to see the airbender holding two pieces of fabric in his hand. One was a deep orange, while the other was a pale saffron.
"Well, well, you two sure love exotic colours… I have seriously never sold any of those. And least of all on the same day. May I ask why you are so keen on these colours?" The merchant asked, as he began cutting. Aang began the lie they had agreed on when someone would ask such questions. They were part of a travelling circus, and for the costumes, they needed flamboyant colours.
Katara began to look in the pouch she was wearing at her belt and pulled out some of the gold coins that Toph had won during their stay in Fire Fountain. Even though she had not agreed with the stealing, they had kept the money. Most of it had been used to buy their supplies, but there was still a considerable sum. As she was counting out some of the money, she saw to her surprise that most of the crates behind the merchant were decorated with a white flower. A lotus.
She had seen that symbol once before! At the printer they had used to make the posters for Appa in Ba Sing Se! What was it doing here, in the Fire Nation? It could, of course, be a coincidence, but it was too similar! It was actually identical.
"Why did you choose that sign?" Katara nodded to the barrels behind the merchant, and the man turned, and laughed.
"Oh that! Since the beginning of time, a white lotus has been the symbol of knowledge and understanding!"
Katara frowned. That made sense, of course, but why was it being used as a sign for a cloth merchant?
"And even a simple merchant may have eaten the fruit and tasted its mysteries." The man smiled mysteriously as he handed Aang the cloth.
"Sure… How much do we owe you?" Katara tried to hide the fact that the man had just acted really weird and moved on.
She handed the man the money, and they quickly left. Spirits, the merchant had seemed nice, but the fact he had seemingly followed them from Fire Fountain to this place weirded her out. It could be purely chance, but this felt much… too specific. Maybe he was following them, and selling the information to the metal man? Or, Combustion Man, as her brother insisted on calling him.
"Let's get back to camp and leave in the morning." She said to the airbender. That would leave them with enough time to eat, rest and prepare their journey, but Katara would be happy to have some miles between them and this place.
"Sure! Good plan!" Aang answered, nodding. His cheeks were still slightly red and he also seemed rather glad to have left the merchant behind them. But if it was for the same reasons as she did, Katara wasn't too sure.
They arrived at the campsite, and the waterbender saw how Sokka and Toph were arguing about how to move all their stuff onto Appa's saddle. The bison himself was eyeing the stack of metal and the supplies with a suspicious look in his big brown eyes. It seemed he wasn't too keen on transporting all of that, and them.
"Aang!" She called out softly as the airbender walked over towards the others. He turned around, and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Would you… would you like to go waterbending?" She gestured at the small river next to the camp. She was still not sure if it would be a good idea… But Katara also knew that there was no other choice. One day or another, she would need to bend. And Aang still needed to keep his own waterbending skills up to date. That was important…
"Really?" He sounded surprised, and smiled at her. His real one that was. She nodded.
"Sure! Yeah! Just going to put this away and I will be there!" He grabbed the package of fabric from under her arm and raced to the supplies. Shaking her head, Katara turned to the river.
Just inhale Katara.
And exhale.
Nothing to be afraid of…
She moved her hand, just to grab some droplets out of the river. Nothing fancy… But when she saw the water beads drift in the air to her hand, Katara began to feel… Calmer? Water was her element. It wasn't blood. No, blood was different from water. Water was used to heal, to create! There was no reason for her to be afraid of water.
The moment she touched the droplets, Katara felt the familiar push and pull feeling she always felt during waterbending. This was hers. Not Hama's. This would not be tainted.
She summoned more water from the river, and made it go around her in a circle. This felt…normal. So much more normal than she had been feeling. This was what she was good at. This was hers.
At that moment, Aang heard the crystal-clear laughter he had grown so fond of. Turning around, he saw that Katara was finally bending again. He had been so afraid of the fact she was refusing to do so. He pocked his hand against Sokka's arm, who turned around. Aang nodded towards Katara, and he heard the sigh of relief from the water tribe boy.
Yeah. Everything was going to be alright.
Answers :
Kalaong : I watched the episode for last chapter, and it didn't seem to me to be the same cave. But who knows, maybe that cave made her think of the horrors of the prison, she decided to use it for that reason!
Jjsmith103 : Yeah, I agree, there will still be some bumps in the road, but I hope I showed in this chapter how messed up she is, even if it ends on a good note! And of course, Aang was the only person who could comfort here in this case! Thank you for the compliment, these kind of review always put a smile on my face and motivate me to write more!
Rak : Yeah, that's why I wanted to show that chapter through Aang's eyes. The poor guy is completely lost at what he should do, but he manages it because he knows her perfectly! And yeah, it will take time, but I think there will be much happier chapters in the near future…
CoyoteLemon : Thanks for your reviews and the compliments! I always love to see your reviews and hope to see a story from you in the future!