Natasha knew that Yelena was technically a grown woman, but she behaved like a goddamn teenager. Her clothes were thrown around everywhere, she was on her phone all the time and watching Hallmark Christmas movies all day long.

Natasha could understand Yelena, they'd never had a normal life aside from that time in Ohio, but still, was it too much to ask for her not to leave her stuff everywhere?! For some reason, Natasha had found Yelena's sports bra in her handbag this morning. Like how did something like this even happen?!

But she loved her little sister, so Yelena was going to have the best Christmas ever. And maybe that would distract Natasha from daydreaming about Steve. She'd never realized how much she was thinking about him until she'd retired. He was on her mind all the time. He'd always had been, but she'd had to worry about other things to keep her mind occupied.

If Steve hadn't noticed her lights were on, then Natasha would have tried to kiss him and that could have ended badly. Sure, she'd thought in that moment he wanted her too, but what if she'd been wrong? She didn't think she could take his rejection. He would be nice and gentle about it, but it would change their dynamic forever. And she couldn't take it if she lost Steve. He was her home.

So the two most important people in her life were going to have an amazing Christmas. The best Christmas in the history of Christmas.

For example, today her and Yelena were going to bake Christmas cookies. Neither of them had ever made them before, but how hard could it be? Natasha had googled recipes and was going to get everything after she was done with work.

She only had one class today. She was teaching English to a group of six. Her favorite student was a 75 year old German woman named Christa. She'd decided she wanted a change in her life and moved from Germany to New York, giving her house to her grandchildren after they'd come back. She was amazing and so cool. Natasha hoped she was going to be half as fit and cool at 75.

Everyone of her students had made great progress in the last months and they could easily hold a conversation. She was very proud of them. She ended the class after the usual two hours and wished them a great weekend. Christa came over to her while Natasha was tiding up her things.

"Natasha, I was wondering if you want to come to my Christmas party on the 20th. I want to show my new American friends how we celebrate Christmas in Germany."

Natasha smiled at Christa. "I'd love to come. Could I bring someone? My sister is staying with me."

"Of course. The more, the merry -uh, merrier." She corrected herself. "You can bring another one. Maybe a boyfriend?" Christa grinned.

"Oh, I don't have a-"

"Hey, Nat- Oh, I'm sorry." Steve appeared in the open door. "I thought your class was over. I'm sorry to interrupt."

Christa's eyes widened at Steve's sight. Not that Natasha could blame her. He really was very handsome. He always had been. The older woman gave her a subtle thumbs up.

"You're not interrupting anything. I'm Christa and you are?"

Steve walked over to them and offered her his hand. "I'm Steve Rogers, ma'am. It's nice to meet you."

"You should come to my German Christmas party, Steve!" Christa beamed up at him. "It's on the 20th. Natasha and her sister are also coming!"

Steve looked over at Natasha who gave him a nod. "Thank you. I'll gladly come. We had a German neighbor when I was a kid, her Stollen was amazing!"

"Wait 'til you tried mine!" Christa said proudly and bid them goodbye.

"She seems great." Steve said with a smile.

"She is." Natasha agreed. "She brought German cookies last week and they were amazing. I'm sure her Stollen will just be as great! What brings you to my humble chambers?"

Steve chuckled and the sound made her heart flutter. "My counseling sessions are done for the day and I remembered that your class ends around the same time. I was wondering if you want to get some coffee or hot chocolate?"

"I'd love to!" Steve's face lit up, but then she remembered Yelena. "I can't. I'm sorry. Yelena and I want to bake cookies. You can join us, if you want !"

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude sister time!"

"I'm sure. Yelena always talks about how she wants to spend more time with my friends. She won't mind."

As it turned out baking Christmas cookies wasn't as easy as Natasha had anticipated. The whole kitchen was a mess, Yelena was covered in flour, Steve had burned his hand (thankfully the burn was already healed) and Natasha's hair was somehow full of edible glitter. Not even Fanny tried to beg for cookies and she usually ate everything.

"I thought you were good at everything, Romanoff." Steve quipped and Natasha shot him a death glare.

Yelena snickered. "She's mostly just a poser!" That earned Yelena her own death glare. "Do you want to watch a Christmas movie with us? I have the Grinch on my list for today! I've never seen it before." Her little sister was so giddy that she sounded like a kid again. It broke Natasha's heart a little bit.

Steve smiled at Yelena warmly. "It's one of my favorites! But we do need cookies for it. I'll go get some at a bakery."

"And you're leaving us to clean up this madness?!" Natasha wanted to sound angry, but she couldn't. Not when he was so sweet with her sister.

"I'll clean up!" Yelena offered. "I really wanna watch the movie!" She explained when Natasha gave her a look. Yelena wasn't the tidiest person. "You two get the cookies. Oh, and those little candy canes, please! Oh, and eggnog! The people in the movies always drink that!"

He laughed. "We'll get you all that." Yelena beamed at him.

Steve helped Natasha into her coat and gave her a look when she reached for her wallet. She sighed and left it on the dresser.

They walked to the nearest bakery and talked about Yelena.

"She's amazing and so much like you, Nat."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I see a lot of you in her. She's a great kid."

"She's in her twenties, Steve."

"You know what I mean." He said and she nodded, she did know what he meant.

They bought a lot of different cookies at the bakery and bought more candy and eggnog at the grocery store. Natasha hoped the eggnog would taste good, she had no clue how to make it.

They walked past by a little boutique on their way back to her apartment and Steve told her to wait while he got into the store. Natasha was a bit confused. Steve did not seem like the type who cared much about women's clothes. Oh god, did he already have someone in his life? Had he seen something for this woman? She wanted him to be happy, but it was going to break her-

"Here."

Steve was suddenly in front of her and held a velvet headband in his hands. It was black and had snowflakes made out of rhinestones on it. It looked festive without being too much. She loved it.

"I got it for you. Can I?" He asked softly and she nodded. He'd seen it and bought it for her. Oh, he was so sweet. He gently slid the headband onto her head.

"Thank you, Steve. It's beautiful." She was truly touched.

"Now you have your own Christmas headband. I know you hate the antler one."

"It's perfect. Thank you."

He smiled at her. "You look beautiful. No, you are beautiful."

Natasha knew she was blushing. "I...I'm..."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. But spending the afternoon with Yelena reminded me about what you've been through. And you're beautiful, Nat. Your heart and soul are so beautiful."

"So are you, Steve." She couldn't help but hug him. He'd made her see her worth, made her believe that she could be a good person worthy of love and friendship. "Steve?"

"Yeah?" His arms were wrapped around her and Natasha could swear she'd heard him sigh happily.

"Why didn't you go back?" She still had her face buried in his chest and she knew without looking that he knew that she meant.

"My life is here." He kissed the top of her head. "My family and friends live here. And...I know it sounds a bit insane, but I feel like I was destined to sleep for 70 years. I was fated to end up where I am."

"So you didn't think about it?"

"I wished after I woke up that I could go back, but that wish got quieter and quieter until it completely disappeared. Yes, I was lost in the beginning, but not anymore. I love my life here. I belong here, I know that. And I want to be here with you. Uh, and Bucky and the others of course." He chuckled and it sounded almost nervous. "Um, Yelena is waiting for her cookies."

Natasha nodded and touched her new headband. "I'm glad that you're still here. I..I want you to be happy-"

"I am, Nat. I am exactly where and when I want to be."

She returned his smile and followed him back to her apartment. Steve didn't regret not going back to Carter. It did worry her from time to time. All she wanted for him was to be happy.

Natasha opened the door for Steve when they got back and let him walk in first.

"Mistletoe!" Yelena suddenly yelled. "I put them up, you have to kiss!" She appeared in the hallway with a grin on her face.

"What?!" Natasha looked at the ceiling and there was truly a mistletoe attached to her lamp. What the actual fuck?! "Really?!"

"It's a tradition!"

Steve looked amused. "Well, if it's tradition..."

And then he bent down and pressed a kiss to the corner of Natasha's mouth. His lips were so soft. Her breath hitched in her throat. Hopefully Steve didn't notice that. She just stared at Steve who almost looked like he was surprised about what he'd done.

"Right. I...I'll put this in the kitchen." He held up the grocery bag and walked towards the kitchen.

Natasha watched him leave the hallway and then looked at her sister who grinned proudly. All she could think about was that he didn't kiss her on the lips. Not even a little peck. She couldn't help but feel like she just got officially rejected. She and Steve would never happen. No matter how much she wanted that.