Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 10: Policing Possession

(Scene Change: Loud House)

As the Loud family washed their dishes in the kitchen sink, they heard a grunt outside from someone who had been electrocuted by the doorbell.

Luan joked, "Wow, talk about a shock-ing introduction! Hahahahaha! Get it?", to which her parents and the rest of her siblings groaned.

When Rita heard a knock on the front door, she volunteered, "I'll get it," before walking over to the door and opening it. Upon opening it, Rita saw 2 Royal Woods Police Department officers and Coach Williams outside the door. 2 police cars were also parked on the street, with their signature blue and red lights flashing brightly into the twilight sky. Outside, Mr. Grouse could be heard cheering, "Finally!", as he peeked out his window to watch the police interacting with the Louds. Many of the other residents of Franklin Avenue joined Mr. Grouse in peeking out of their windows to watch the interaction between Rita and the RWPD. Like Mr. Grouse, said neighbors also hoped that the Louds would finally face legal consequences for all the ruckus they caused in the neighborhood over the years.

Back at the Loud House, Rita cheerfully greeted, "Good evening, officers! Is there anything I can help you with?"

Officer Schoffner inquired, "Good evening, Mr. Loud. Is your son, Lincoln, on the premises?"

Rita answered, "Uh… no. Why do you ask?"

Officer Schoffner continued, "Mr. Williams, here, says that your son, Lincoln stole a squirrel suit, which is now damaged beyond repair. This report seems to be backed up by your daughter, a Lynn Loud Jr. Is she on the premises?"

Rita nodded, "Yes, she is," before calling upstairs, "Junior, can you come to the door?! The police want to talk to you!"

Lynn Jr. immediately ran to the front door and said, "What's up, Mom?", before noticing the 2 police officers and Coach Williams standing at the door. Upon noticing them, Lynn Jr. smirked, "Hey, officers, Coach Williams, what brings you guys here?"

Officer Vaughan assured Lynn Jr., "You're not in trouble. Coach Williams told me you told him your brother stole this squirrel suit," before presenting said squirrel suit to the sporty girl. Officer Vaughan then asked, "Is this true?"

Lynn Jr. grumbled, "Yup… Lincoln stole the squirrel suit, and probably left it like that, too."

As Officer Vaughan wrote Lynn Jr.'s comment down in his notes, Officer Schoffner asked Lynn Jr., "Kid, why did your brother steal the squirrel suit?"

Lynn Jr. explained, "I lost a baseball game, so I called him bad luck and banned him from going to the rest of my games. Guy didn't get the message, so he decided to get smart and disguise himself in the squirrel suit because he still wanted to go to my next one. He thought that if I won the game with him in the squirrel suit, I'd let him back into my game. I won, and then, after the game, he takes it to the beach, weird guy, goes to the bathroom, and that was the last time we saw both him and the costume."

Officer Schoffner then nodded, mumbling to herself, "OK, motive for the crime seems to be consistent with the description Coach Williams gave," before asking, "Alright, so where is your brother now?"

Lynn Jr. shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know."

Officer Schoffner sighed, "Alright, that'll be it, kid. Take care of…", before being interrupted by Lisa, who yelled as she ran downstairs, "WAIT!"

Upon arriving at the front door, Lisa introduced herself while shaking Officer Schoffner and Officer Vaughan's hands, "Good evening, officers, I'm Lisa Loud, P.h.D. I have information pertaining to the whereabouts of our male sibling unit."

Officers Schoffner and Vaughan glanced down at Lisa, then back at each other, and started hysterically laughing at the preschooler. Their laughter did not amuse Lisa, who remained straight-faced. Meanwhile, Coach Williams, who knew what Lisa was capable of, tensed in terror.

After a minute, Officer Schoffner, wiping a tear from her eye, cooed at Lisa, "Alright, little girl, your mommy's over there," pointing to Rita. She then chuckled, "Go back and play with your toys, OK?", before again breaking into hysterical laughter alongside Officer Vaughan.

Lisa blankly replied, "I will, on the condition that you play with me."

When the officers continued to laugh at Lisa, Lynn Jr. growled at the officers before an annoyed Rita held her back, whispering, "Play along."

Lynn Jr. whispered, "But they?", to which Rita whispered back firmly, "Play. Along."

When the officers finally stopped laughing, Officer Schoffner apologized to Rita through giggles, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this little girl of yours is absolutely adorable. Tell you what, we've got a little time today, so until our walkie-talkies tell us we need to be elsewhere, we'll go up to Lisa's room and play with her. You know, we've needed to do some community outreach lately."

Rita shrugged it off, "OK. If you'll follow me upstairs, I'll guide you to Lisa's room, and the five of us can have a good time together," before inviting, "Coach Williams, you can come, too."

The three visitors followed Lynn Jr., Rita, and Lisa up the stairs. When they got to Lisa and Lily's room, they opened the door, revealing a baby's crib on the other side of the room from a desk that had a bunch of beakers and other lab equipment. The six of them walked to a large-screen, high-tech monitor on the opposite corner of the room from Lily's crib.

Upon looking at the room, Officer Schoffner and Vaughan gushed at the science equipment, desk, books, and certificates.

Officer Schoffner started, "Awww… wook at the widduh scientist wid her widduh beak-uhs!"

Officer Vaughan gushed, "And wook at the widduh certificates!", before laughing hysterically alongside Officer Schoffner.

Lisa deadpanned at the officers' laughter, "I would appreciate it if you didn't patronize my work," before taking a seat at the monitor. She then stroked a combination of keys very quickly before pulling up a database of everyone she had implanted a tracking chip inside, and clicking on the icon that had Lincoln's name. Upon doing so, the tracking chip pinpointed Lincoln's location instantly, causing everyone's jaws to drop and Officer Vaughan to faint.

After pressing some more keys and typing in some more data, Lisa immediately extracted the present coordinates of the Loud boy's whereabouts, and had them displayed on the computer for everyone to see, complete with an infrared satellite map of the area. A pulsating orange dot signaled the location of Lincoln's tracking chip.

A pleased Lisa then jumped out of her chair and stated, "OK, I have pinpointed Lincoln's exact location: 42.5145 degrees North latitude, 83.1926 degrees West longitude."

The officers, Coach Williams, Rita, and Lynn Jr. traded glances before shrugging in confusion.

In response, Lisa clarified, "Street name: Royal Woods Hospital."

Everyone in the room but Lisa gasped in shock as Rita begged, "My baby boy's in the hospital? Officer, please, let me see if he's OK!"

Officer Schoffner explained, "Ma'am, for all we know, your son might be passing through there. We're going to drive over to the hospital and see why he's there. If they say he's undergoing a medical procedure, then we, by law, won't be able to arrest him until after the procedure is over."

Rita scolded Officer Schoffner, "You're gonna arrest an 11-year-old boy for stealing a squirrel suit? That's a little ridiculous, don't you think? In high school and college, people steal mascot suits of the other team as pranks all the time!"

Officer Vaughan warned Rita while handing her the squirrel suit, "That may be true, but you might want to look at the condition of this squirrel suit, ma'am."

Rita took the squirrel suit from Officer Vaughan's hands, and upon looking at it, immediately recoiled at how dirty it was. When she smelled it, she gagged while holding back vomit, "Oh god… that smells awful! Why would somebody leave a squirrel suit in such a bad state?!"

Officer Vaughan sighed, "I don't know. Maybe we'll ask your boy that when we get to the hospital."

Lynn Jr. bounced as she smirked at Officer Vaughan, "Ooh, can I come, too?"

Officer Vaughan replied, "I don't know, kid. Isn't it a school night? Shouldn't you be doing your homework?"

Rita immediately clamped her hand over her daughter's mouth just as she was about to protest. She then assured Officer Vaughan, "Don't worry, Lynn Jr. will do her homework while we wait for Lincoln at the hospital," before firmly asking, "right, Junior?"

Rita then removed her hand from Lynn Jr.'s mouth. Lynn Jr. gulped at the firm stares of her mother and the officers before muttering, "Need to get my GPA up anyways for the NCAA scholarships." She then sighed to Rita, "Fine, I'll bring my homework and we can do it while we wait for Lincoln."

Rita told Lynn Jr., "Good, now go get your stuff."

Lynn Jr. replied, "OK," before turning to Lisa and whispering to her, "Egghead… you're reviewing my homework when I get back."

Lisa groaned, "Fine… I suppose I have nothing better to do tonight."

Lynn Jr. then gave Lisa a playful noogie as she praised, "That's why I can count on you, Lis."

Lynn Jr. then raced downstairs to get her school backpack and supplies as Officers Schoffner and Vaughan walked back to their police car and Rita walked to Vanzilla. Amazingly, thanks to Lynn Jr.'s speed, she managed to get to the van at the same time as Rita.

However, Rita wasn't buying it, and questioned Lynn Jr., "You sure you brought everything?"

Lynn Jr. nodded, "Check my bags… you'll see everything. Unlike my other siblings, that is."

When Rita found all the books and binders she thought Lynn Jr. needed for the day in her backpack, she beamed, "Wow, honey, seems like you really want to see Lincoln!"

Lynn Jr. smirked, "You bet I do. Now come on, Mom! Let's hit the road!"

Rita chuckled back, "Alright," and the two of them followed the police cars in Vanzilla to Royal Woods Hospital.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Hospital)

When the Sweetwater sisters saw their parents in the waiting room of the hospital, they ran over to give them a hug as Becky cried, "Mom! Dad!"

Linda cried, "Babies!", as she and Brian returned their daughters' embrace.

After the Sweetwater family broke their embrace, Becky asked, "Mom… why did you call us here?"

Linda sighed, "Those boxes you saw in Lincoln's room… when the Pingreys came over… well… we didn't want to tell you until later, but you might as well know now."

Brian admitted, "Those boxes you saw in Lincoln's room… that's Lincoln's furniture."

Lindsay asked, "Lincoln's furniture? But how did you…", before gasping, "Oh my god."

Paige begged, "Please… please tell me you didn't."

Brian confessed, "The Louds sold us Lincoln's furniture… and we bought it."

The Sweetwater siblings gasped in horror before trembling with rage. Becky, however, managed to control her own anger, ordering Paige and Lindsay, "Stay back." She then hissed at her parents, "You'd better have a good explanation for this."

Brian sighed before explaining, "We didn't know. On Saturday morning, Vanzilla arrived at our house with a ton of stuff, and it seemed like they wanted to get rid of it quickly. It was a ton of Ace Savvy stuff, video games… you know, kid's furniture that would've been good for Paige's room. What I found odd was that it included Lincoln's bed, and other shelving that would've taken up his room, but I didn't say anything because I didn't see his name on the stuff at the time."

Paige snarled, "Did you ask why so much basic bedroom stuff was being sold in such a hurry? And what did the Louds tell you?"

Linda disclosed, "Actually, I asked. Lynn Sr. told us, 'THE STUFF IS CURSED WITH BAD LUCK!,' which we now know was the true reason, but with far more horrifying implications than we could have ever imagined."

While glaring at her parents, Becky demanded, "Go on."

Linda continued, "Brian and I laughed hysterically… for about a minute straight. We couldn't believe what we were hearing. I guess realizing how ridiculous they sounded, if only for a split-second, Lynn Sr. and Rita started nervously laughing as well. Sensing a second chance, Rita stepped in & told us, 'It's unlucky because our son, Lincoln's getting a complete room makeover! His birthday happened a couple of weeks earlier, and we planned on giving him a whole new bedroom as a present! But because of gosh-darn shipping delays, we only got it yesterday! So that's why it's bad luck: it's just been sitting there & tripping us up trying to build the room for him!'"

Lindsay growled, "Mmm-hmm. And you didn't see anything suspicious about that? How quickly they changed their explanation?"

Brian explained, "Thing is, we had similar experiences modifying the bedrooms of you girls as you grew up, so we understood. Plus, Lynn Sr. gave us practically unbeatable prices for the stuff, especially since it was in good condition. We had to take it. Plus, we were thinking of reusing some of the stuff as surprise Christmas presents for you girls," looking specifically at Becky and Paige as he mentioned the Christmas presents. Brian then went on, "The Ace Savvy toys, the video games… we thought we had done your Christmas shopping! You said you wanted to add to your collections, girls, and there was some stuff in there that you told us or your friends you wanted!"

Becky seethed, "Dad… Mom… Lincoln is fighting for his life in there because of his evil so-called sisters. The sisters who told those wastes of 'parents,' if we can call those pieces of shit that, to sell his stuff after locking him out. And you… you bought it. To save some money. To not have to go into the stores on Black Friday. I hate to sound like you guys, but have you taken a good look at the house we live in? Did you forget that online shopping exists?"

Seeing the anger on her children's faces, Linda pleaded with them, "If we knew what was going on in that house and why Lincoln's stuff was truly being sold, not only would we have not bought it, we also would have called the police on those sick freaks! But I guess now… well… knowing what we're about to do… it doesn't matter. I'm telling you, I wish every day I could go back in time and tell my past self to not take that stuff!"

After assuring a tearful Linda, "It's OK, honey," Brian addressed his family, "Girls, look at it like this. Even if we did buy his stuff, it's still with us. We love him, unlike those crazy people. And we promised we'd take care of him to the end. You girls said it yourselves when your mom texted you: you'd adopt him in a heartbeat. And we have the forms to prove it."

After gasping at the adoption forms that their parents showed them, Becky, Paige, and Lindsay softened their glares.

When Brian asked them, "Besides, how else do you think Lincoln was even able to function in school today?", they squeaked, "Oh."

Brian deadpanned, "P-Q-R-S," before continuing, "Still, we've practically adopted him at this point. We've already moved his stuff in, and we've saved a trip into that madhouse. One that would probably end badly for us, knowing them. If anything, I would say that for what you girls have planned… for what we have planned, this helps us."

Becky conceded, "Well, I guess in that way, it sort of worked out. Besides, even if they inadvertently told you the truth, if it were someone telling me that story, I'd laugh hysterically, too."

Paige and Lindsay let out murmurs of agreement before Linda asked her children, "So, we're good?"

Becky chuckled, "Better than good. We're perfect," after which she hugged both of her parents, who, alongside their other daughters, chuckled along with Becky's joke. They were so overwhelmed with relief that they didn't even break the hug when they heard police sirens approaching the hospital. Being from the Detroit area, the sight of police cars and the sounds of sirens near the hospital were familiar to them. If they did, they would have noticed that this time, the police cars were accompanied by a run-down light blue van. A blonde-haired middle-aged woman and her apparently middle-school-aged daughter with her backpack clad in what looked to be a red sports uniform stepped out of said van, following the police officers into the hospital's entrance.

When they entered the hospital's main lobby together, one police officer, a fair-skinned, plump woman with a brown ponytail, greeted Karla, "Good evening, Ma'am. I'm Officer Schoffner."

Karla responded, "Good evening, Officer Schoffner. What brings you here?"

Officer Schoffner stated, "We have reason to suspect that Lincoln Loud is on the hospital grounds, and we have issued a warrant for his arrest felony theft and destruction of a $5,000 squirrel suit," before proceeding to present the suit in question.

When Karla looked at the squirrel suit and inhaled its smell, she covered her nose and yelled, "Oh god, that thing smells awful! And it looks gross, too!" After overcoming her initial disgust, Karla informed Officer Schoffner, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but Lincoln's currently in room 502. He's undergoing brain surgery."

Officer Schoffner replied, "Understood." She then turned to Officer Vaughan and told him "Officer Vaughan, under every jurisdiction in the books, it's illegal to arrest a patient currently in surgery! We're going to have to wait until after the surgery!"

Officer Vaughan sighed, "Just let me handle this, Schoffner." He then asked Karla, "Why is he undergoing brain surgery?"

Karla said, "I can't disclose that, due to our hospital's physician-patient confidentiality agreement."

Officer Schoffner nodded before telling her partners, "Seal the exits. We don't want the criminal getting away." She then turned to Rita and Lynn Jr. and told them, "You two, stay in the waiting room for now, and if you need to leave, stay safe." Rita and Lynn Jr. did exactly as they were told, not noticing the Sweetwaters' harsh glares at them as Rita sniffled in worry while Lynn Jr. fidgeted ecstatically.

After the officers split up throughout the hospital, Brian approached Officer Schoffner, "Good evening… Officer Schoffner, is it?"

Officer Schoffner replied, "Correct, sir."

Brian tactfully asked, "I overheard what you were saying about trying to arrest a kid for stealing and destroying a squirrel suit, and I've got to ask you… are you serious?"

Officer Schoffner sighed, "Sir, that squirrel suit was $6,000. Squirrel suits don't come easily, either. Also, have you seen the condition of this squirrel suit? Have you smelt it?"

Brian responded, "No."

When Officer Schoffner handed the destroyed squirrel suit to Brian, he grimaced at the dirt and grime he felt on it. When Brian smelt it, he immediately recoiled in disgust, "Oh, that's nasty!", before handing the squirrel suit back to Officer Schoffner.

Officer Schoffner nodded, "Indeed, it is. And that's why we're going to arrest this kid."

Brian defended Lincoln, "Are you serious? For a squirrel suit? Officer, kids do this stuff all the time! Have you ever been to a big high school or college rivalry game? Mascot suits get stolen & destroyed all the time! It's a tradition!"

Officer Schoffner huffed, "Is it really tradition to have a mascot suit in this condition? You held it! You smelt it!"

Brian challenged, "Believe me, I've played college basketball. I've seen much worse than that. Look, whatever happened to this squirrel suit, I bet it was either a prank or something bad must have happened to the kid." He then begged Officer Schoffner, "So, can you please just drop this and investigate what must have happened to the kid wearing the squirrel suit?"

Officer Schoffner sighed, "No, I can't. First of all, we can't ask the kid any questions, considering that he's currently unconscious. Secondly, both people that filed this police report requested that the client be arrested as soon as possible. To uphold our commitment to serve the community, we're going to follow up on that, especially considering that this crime would be considered a felony due to the dollar value of the property destroyed. This is about sending a message that these types of shenanigans will not be tolerated in Royal Woods."

Brian then repeated himself, "You can't be serious, Officer. All this over a kid stealing a mascot suit?"

Lynn Jr. immediately jumped in between Officer Schoffner and Brian before yelling, "THAT SQUIRREL SUIT WAS GOOD LUCK! NOW THAT IT'S DESTROYED, I WASN'T ABLE TO COMPLETE A PASS IN FOOTBALL PRACTICE. ALL! DAY!"

Brian laughed harshly at Lynn Jr. before scoffing, "You really think completing passes on a football field has anything to do with luck, let alone a squirrel suit?"

Lynn Jr. shrieked, "YES! YES IT DOES!"

Coach Williams also shouted, "Brian… why are you defending that Lincoln kid? He stole my squirrel suit! Not just that, but there was that one time when his mom signed him up for my football team. Turns out he was skipping all his practices and games having Lynn Jr. take his place. Though it kind of worked out for me because we just kept winning, that Lincoln kid is a lazy, scheming, no-good troublemaker who just wants to get by in life with as little effort as possible! He has to learn that you need to work hard for good things in life! If you lost a $6,000 mascot suit, you'd be feeling pretty unlucky, too!"

While Rita facepalmed, Brian snarled at Coach Williams, "That 'Lincoln' kid is FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE RIGHT NOW! ARE YOU THIS FUCKING DENSE?!"

Officer Schoffner immediately got between Coach Williams and Brian and warned Brian, "Sir, if you don't stop, I may have to arrest you for obstruction of justice."

As the Sweetwaters gasped, Brian yelled, "Obstruction of justice? For what? For asking you nicely to avoid arresting a kid over a childish prank? Am I under arrest now?"

Linda then jumped out of her seat and snarled at Officer Schoffner, "How dare you try to arrest my husband for obstruction of justice when it's clear this little girl is in the wrong here?", pointing at Lynn Jr. as she emphasized "this little girl."

Brian then threatened Officer Schoffner, "You'd better not arrest my wife or we will have serious problems."

Officer Schoffner firmly told the Sweetwater parents, "No, you two are not under arrest. But you may very well be if you two don't stop."

At Officer Schoffner's threat, Linda and Brian took deep breaths to calm themselves down. Upon doing so, Linda sat back in her waiting room chair, while Brian remained standing. Brian then asked Officer Schoffner, Lynn Jr., and Coach Williams, "Is there anything we can do that will convince you to drop the charges against Lincoln?"

Lynn Jr. gazed upward at the ceiling in thought before sarcastically snorting, "Oh, I don't know. Get me a personal meeting with Marcus Quick, and we've got a deal," before she, Coach Williams, and the police officers burst into uproarious laughter. As they laughed, Brian rolled his eyes, thinking to himself, They don't know who I am. They want Marcus Quick? I'll give them Marcus Quick. Brian then pulled out his phone, scrolled through his contacts, and upon finding the contact he was looking for, clicked his listed phone number.

(Scene Change: Maguire Manor, Huntington Manor, Huntington Oaks, Michigan)

Inside a huge study, a tall, fair-skinned man with a dark blue suitcoat, matching dark blue tie, and light blue dress shirt, felt the vibrations of his cellphone in his front pocket as he sat in a dark brown leather chair. When the man saw the caller ID displayed on the phone, he chuckled to himself before pressing the "answer" button and pressing the phone to his ear.

He then said into the phone, "Hey, panty-raider, long time no chat. How's it going?"

Brian chuckled, "You're never gonna stop going on about that, are you? First of all, Mr. Ambassador of Quan, that was your idea, remember? And you're not even the "Ambassador of Quan", so stop taking credit for your big brother's work! Fifth-year senior always trying to flex on the freshmen."

Rob fired back, "Hey, in my defense, you chose that over streaking through the Big House in the home opener! And if I remember… you made the freshmen do exactly that when you became big man on campus!"

Brian laughed, "I have my reasons! You know that girl that caught me raiding her panties? She slapped me so hard, her hand was imprinted on my face for at least a week!"

Rob laughed loudly before pointing out, "Hey, but remember what you said at your wedding? Why you made me your best man? When you saw her in that wedding dress?"

Brian chuckled before repeating what he told Rob on his wedding day, "Thank you for making me raid her panties!"

Rob repeated his line, "My apprentice… I didn't make you raid her panties. It was your choice." After exchanging laughs with Brian, Rob continued, "And if it was that or running through the Big House naked… I'd say you made the right choice."

After Brian gave his family a loving glance, he shared one more hearty laugh with Rob before responding, "True." He then asked, "But hey, listen, about my family… I need a favor from you."

Rob snickered, "Oh boy… what did your girls do this time?"

Brian chuckled before explaining, "It's not my girls. See, one of my daughters' friends… he stole a squirrel mascot suit."

Rob laughed, "This friend is a 'he'? Please tell me it's Becky's 'friend'."

Brian chuckled, "No, it's Paige."

Rob shook his head, responding, "Paige? Wow… they grow up so fast, huh?"

Brian laughed, "Shut up!", at his friend before continuing, "Anyway… the police are threatening to arrest him, even though we returned the suit, and one of the girls on the team said that the only way we could convince her to drop the charges is if we get her a personal meeting with Marcus Quick."

At the mention of Marcus Quick, Rob smirked to himself. He knew that the girl in question had made the joke sarcastically, but also knew that Brian was never one to back down from a challenge. He also saw the idea of arresting someone for stealing a mascot suit to be pretty stupid, as he had seen several pranks of that nature himself through his high school and college years.

Rob snickered, "Marcus Quick? I don't know… that's asking a lot out of me."

Brian offered, "OK, I'll tell you what: I'm going to send you a video of this girl's highlights. Trust me, this girl is good."

Rob chirped, "OK, show me the money, then!"

Brian chuckled, "Alright, alright," before opening the YouClip app on his phone and searching for 'lynn loud jr'. When he tapped on the first video that showed up on his search results, entitled "Lynn Loud Jr 7th Grade Football Highlights Royal Woods MI 2016", he found exactly what he was looking for. After seeing the first play, which was Lynn Jr. making a Quick-like play on the football field, he immediately sent it to Rob, texting him, "Open it."

Rob's jaw dropped as he saw the first two plays of the highlight video. On both plays, Lynn Jr., who couldn't have been more than 4'9" and 85 lbs. soaking wet, took direct snaps before weaving through defenders out of the I-formation like Ozzie Jones back in the day, both for touchdowns of at least 50 yards.

After seeing Lynn Jr. drop back and sling a 40-yard perfectly accurate throw into coverage that later went for a touchdown, Rob chuckled, "Alright, Brian… you win. A little girl dominating a big boys' football league getting to meet her ultimate hero… that's a PR bonanza for everybody! I'll get Marcus on the line."

Brian smiled, "Thanks, Rob. Oh, and by the way, when you get Marcus, make sure he has FaceTime turned on."

Rob assured Brian, "Anything for an old friend. Nice talking to you again."

Brian chuckled, "Yeah, you too. Don't raise too much hell out there, OK?"

Rob jested, "I won't. Call you in a minute, panty-stealer."

Brian joked, "You too, Little Quan," before hanging up.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Hospital)

When Brian hung up the phone on his old college teammate and friend, Rob Maguire, he noticed Lynn Jr., Coach Williams, and all the RWPD officers present laughing hysterically.

Lynn Jr. heckled Brian, "Little Quan? Wow, you're really trying to get me not to arrest Stinkoln. And speaking of Stinkoln, by the way, I forgot to give you this, since he's out of commission." She then punched Brian's right arm very roughly, making his arm throb and go numb, as Brian yelped, "OWWWWW!"

When the rest of the Sweetwaters saw Lynn Jr. punch Brian, they growled at her with reddened faces and trembling fists. Lindsay and Paige jumped out of their seats and started stomping towards Lynn Jr. before Becky and Linda, respectively, held them back, pleading with their younger counterparts, "They're not worth it! Now breathe!" At Becky and Linda's urging, all 4 Sweetwater girls took deep breaths to calm themselves down once more before ultimately sitting back in their chairs, gripping the handlebars tightly to relieve their stress.

Coach Williams ridiculed them, "You can make us meet Marcus Quick? Oh boy, that's a laugher." He then asked Officer Vaughan, "Hey, when we're done arresting Lincoln, maybe we can send this guy to the hospital's loony bin. Give him some meds, you know? Until he straightens himself out."

Officer Vaughan snickered, "I'll look into it," before continuing to hysterically laugh at the seeming improbability of a chance meeting with Marcus Quick.

As everyone but the Sweetwaters continued to laugh and Brian continued to wince in pain, Brian noticed his phone vibrating with his phone's default ringtone. When Brian pulled out his phone and looked at the caller ID, he saw: "No Caller ID would like FaceTime…". When Brian pressed the "answer button" and saw a clear image of the person who wanted to FaceTime him, he dropped his jaw, and almost his phone, in disbelief.

The image of a young, handsome, dark-skinned African-American man with cornrows and a goatee flashed across Brian's phone screen. When he said, "Hello, I'm looking for Brian Sweetwater," Brian stammered, "S-s-speaking." However, Brian quickly regained his composure and put his phone on speaker as he smirked, "Hey, can you say that again, Mr. Quick? You're on speaker now."

The man introduced himself, "Hey, I'm Marcus Quick. I'm looking for Lynn Loud Jr."

Lynn Jr., Rita, Coach Williams, and the RWPD officers present on the scene immediately recognized Marcus' voice, and gasped and froze in astonishment. Coach Williams and the RWPD officers immediately fainted, while Lynn Loud Jr. collapsed into her chair and started sweating profusely. Watching these reactions caused the Sweetwater girls to smirk at each other before mockingly giggling under their breaths, "Yup. Serves them right."

When Brian saw Lynn Jr.'s astonished face, he quipped, "Lynn's here, but we may need to wake her up. She fainted when heard your voice."

Marcus chuckled, "Good. Ay, get her on the line for me, man."

Brian smiled, "Will do, will do," before handing his phone to a stupefied Lynn Jr. and joking, "Hey… if you're still awake, this very nice young man wants to speak to you."

Lynn Jr. absentmindedly took the phone and blankly stared into the screen.

When Marcus greeted Lynn Jr., "Hey, superstar, how's it going?", she briefly trembled, "Bah.. bah… bah…", before quickly pinching herself and shaking her head madly. After doing so, she told Marcus, "Well, I pinched myself and it hurt, so this isn't a dream."

Marcus laughed before telling Lynn, "Yeah, had that same feel when my idol flew out to recruit me. Hey, listen, I saw your highlights on YouClip. I'm impressed."

Lynn Jr.'s jaw dropped before she stammered, "R-r-really?"

Marcus nodded, "Really."

Starstruck, blushing, and with dewy eyes, Lynn Jr. stuttered, "W-w-wow. T-t-thank you Marcus."

Marcus chuckled, "You're welcome," before offering, "Hey, my agent and I talked it over, and I'd love to make a stop at your next practice tomorrow afternoon."

Lynn Jr. gasped as she dropped Brian's phone in shock. Marcus brought Lynn Jr. back to reality by asking, "Hello?, causing Lynn Jr. to quickly wipe off her hands and pick Brian's phone up. After looking it over, she muttered to herself, "Thank god, no cracks."

Marcus asked, "What?"

Lynn Jr. quickly said, "N-n-nothing."

Marcus said, "OK," before repeating himself, "So again, about practice tomorrow afternoon… would love to stop by."

Lynn Jr. stammered, "Y-you w-want t-to what?"

Marcus elaborated, "You know, run some plays, toss the football around… basic stuff. I don't have to go back into the facility until Wednesday. I don't have to film anything, don't have any interviews, so I've got time."

Lynn Jr. gasped before uttering, "Wait… Luan didn't put you up to this, didn't she?"

Marcus responded, "Who's Luan?"

Lynn Jr. explained, "Oh, just my prankster of a sister who thinks she's funny, but she's really not. She makes these lame puns all the time, and every April Fools' Day, she puts us my family's lives in danger."

Marcus repeated himself, "Again, who's Luan?"

Not wanting to look weak, Lynn Jr. chuckled, "That's all I needed to hear. Hell yeah, you can come to my practice!"

Marcus smiled, "Great," before jesting, "Hey, wake your coach and everybody else up so they know what's up."

Lynn Jr. laughed, "Oh, I will," before going off to do just that. First, she walked to Coach Williams' stirring body, enthusiastically shouting at him, "Hey! Hey Coach! Wake up!"

Coach Williams held his head, slurring, "Oh… what happened? I could've sworn I heard Marcus Quick's voice on the phone."

Lynn Jr. chuckled, "Yup, here he is," before handing Brian's phone to the coach.

When Coach Williams took the phone, Marcus asked, "Is this your coach?"

Lynn Jr. confirmed, "Yup, Coach Wade Williams."

Marcus Quick then addressed Coach Williams, "Well, nice to meet you, Coach. Your star player over there convinced me to come over to your practice and run through some drills with the guys." Before the astounded Coach Williams could say another word, Marcus also offered, "Also, I heard about your mascot suit situation. I've got you covered. I pledge to personally donate a replacement for your destroyed squirrel suit."

Coach Williams' eyes popped out of his sockets as he stammered, "Y-you w-what?"

Marcus repeated himself, "Yup. On me."

Coach Williams gasped in response, "Oh.. oh my god… thank you, Mr. Quick! I really appreciate it! And hell yeah, you can come to my practice! On one condition, though. I want to keep it as a surprise for my players, so don't let the word get out."

Marcus assured Coach Williams, "I won't," before telling him, "But Ima set a condition of my own."

Coach Williams begged, "I'll do anything! Anything!"

Marcus chuckled, "OK," before telling Coach Williams, "In exchange for me coming to practice and keeping it a surprise, you and Lynn Jr. are going to drop the charges against Brian's friend, Lincoln, for stealing the squirrel mascot suit."

Coach Williams nodded his head frantically before nervously stammering, "Y-yes, Mr. Quick." He then walked over to Lynn Jr. and told her, "Lynn, Marcus is only going to come to practice if we drop the charges against Lincoln for stealing the squirrel suit."

Lynn Jr. growled, "Drop the charges against Stinkoln? Why?"

Coach Williams pointed out, "If it makes you feel better, he's also promised to donate a replacement squirrel suit," with Marcus concurring, "Mm-hmm."

Lynn Jr. immediately and enthusiastically assured both Marcus and Coach Williams, "Drop the charges? Shit… for a new lucky squirrel suit, and a practice with Marcus Quick, Stinkoln could burn that dirty old suit and have a party with its ashes, for all I care."

Marcus laughed, "That's good to hear," before asking, "Now, how does your practice schedule work?"

Coach Williams explained, "Well, we typically start at 3:45 PM, a little bit after school lets out, and we go, usually until 5:45-6 PM. So you can come at say… 4 PM, after the guys have warmed up."

Marcus smiled, "Perfect. I'll be there. See you tomorrow."

Coach Williams and Lynn Jr. waved while chirping, "See you tomorrow, Marcus!", before the call ended and Brian's home screen showed on his phone, replete with unread notifications.

Once the call hung up, Coach Williams and Lynn Jr. squealed for 30 straight seconds before hugging each other and jumping up and down for joy, "We're meeting Marcus Quick! We're meeting Marcus Quick!" After a few chants of that, Coach Williams knelt to Lynn Jr.'s level and asked her, "So, we're dropping the charges?"

Lynn Jr. nodded, "Definitely, coach." She then mimed holding her stomach before telling Coach Williams, "But you're gonna have to do that on your own. I've gotta run to the bathroom… stat."

Coach Williams laughed, ruffled Lynn Jr.'s hair, and assured her, "You do that, and I'll take care of the cops."

Lynn Jr. smirked, "Deal."

As Lynn Jr. ran off in the direction of the hospital's hallway, Coach Williams woke Officers Schoffner & Vaughan up and asked them, "Hey… Lynn Jr. and I are willing to drop the charges against Lincoln Loud for stealing the squirrel suit."

Officer Vaughan questioned Coach Williams, "What changed your mind?"

Coach Williams explained, "Well, I realized that it wasn't right to charge an 11-year-old for stealing and destroying a mascot suit, as that happens all the time. And I'm only speaking on Lynn Jr.'s behalf because she had to go to the bathroom. She told me she was OK with it. And on top of that, I'm the one who initially made the call to press charges."

Officer Vaughan sighed, "Alright. We'll drop the charges against Lincoln Loud."

Coach Williams replied, "Thank you."

Officer Vaughan responded, "At ease," before pulling out his walkie-talkie to signal the rest of the team at the Royal Woods Hospital site, "10-4. The situation is 10-4. Charges against the suspect have been dropped."

As the officers walked off and grumbled about their "time being wasted," Officer Vaughan stayed behind to let Coach Williams know, "Oh, and one more thing... you can have the squirrel suit back, if you want, since it's no longer being used to investigate a crime."

Coach Williams replied, "Thank you."

Officer Vaughan responded, "You're welcome. Now, if you have any other problems, just let me know."

Coach Williams smiled, "No problem," before Officers Vaughan & Schoffner also left the scene and drove off in their police cars.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to basically everyone, Lynn Jr. held her stomach until she was out of the sight of her coach, the Sweetwaters, and the main RWPD officers involved in the case. Once she was out of their sight, she immediately straightened, beelined for the elevator, and went up to the fifth floor. Once she arrived, she scanned the room like a hawk for Room 502. When she found Room 502's door, she looked through the door's peephole and saw the surgeons operating on Lincoln's brain. When Lynn Jr. saw this, she gasped before smirking evilly and taunting the comatose Lincoln: "Well, well, well. Tomorrow, I'm gonna be meeting Marcus Quick. And you… you might die on this operating table. And if you do, I call dibs on that closet you slept in before we saw the light. Gonna turn it into a lucky sanctuary. But you? Looks like your luck has finally run out, Stinkoln."

Right after that, she spit a nasty, phlegm-filled loogie on the floor, as if to curse Lincoln and the surgeons into botching the surgery, before walking off in smug satisfaction. She then went to the nearest bathroom, and took the elevator back down to the main lobby after actually using the toilet.

When Lynn Jr. made it back to the lobby and saw the squirrel suit in Coach Williams' hands, she asked him, "Yo, Coach, you wanna keep this suit?"

Coach Williams exclaimed, "Heck no! Here you go!", before handing Lynn Jr. the squirrel suit. As he did, he joked, "Smelly superstitions are your thing, not mine."

Lynn Jr. fist-bumped Coach Williams as she replied, "Alright, thanks. Hey, see you tomorrow, alright?"

Coach Williams chirped, "Yup! Tomorrow!"

Lynn Jr. replied in kind before she sweetly told Rita, "Alright, Mom, I'm ready to go home."

Rita told Lynn Jr., "That's great, honey. And it's so nice you were able to make up with Lincoln for stealing the squirrel suit."

Lynn Jr. quipped, "Well, you know what they say, mom. Life is better 'loud'."

Rita laughed before suggesting, "OK, sweetie, why don't you get your things and get in the car, and I'll be with you in a minute?"

Lynn Jr. resounded, "You bet!", before sprinting back to the parking lot and hopping into Vanzilla. A minute or so later, Rita stepped into the driver's seat, and mother and daughter set course for the Loud House as the Sweetwaters slumped into the hospital's waiting room chairs, anxiously awaiting further updates on Lincoln's status.

Closing A/N: Wow! The Pingreys & Sweetwaters know their parents have Lincoln's stuff, Lynn Jr. gets to meet her idol, and Lincoln is clinging onto life itself! Not to mention, Brian Sweetwater pulled some VERY big strings here! Also, we soared past 80 favs & 90 follows! Keep the love coming with those favs, follows, & reviews! I appreciate all of you so much!

A/N 2: The location I pinpointed as the coordinates of Royal Woods Hospital are the real-life coordinates of the Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, Michigan, the town that Royal Woods is based off and named after.

A/N 3: The "P-Q-R-S" quip following an "Oh" is one of my dad's jokes. He says it to me & my IRL family all the time whenever one of us goes "Oh." It felt like enough of a Dad joke that it felt right for Brian to say it.

A/N 4: The "Maguire Manor"? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jerry Maguire actually happened in the RoF-verse. And Rob is his little brother.

A/N 5: The "Big House" is the real life nickname for Michigan Stadium, the University of Michigan's American football stadium. The largest stadium in the USA.

A/N 6: Linda's hand being "imprinted on Brian's face for at least a week?" From The Chappelle Show's Rick James True Hollywood Story skit, where Rick James said that about his "Unity" ring after he punched Charlie Murphy with it.

A/N 7: Ozzie Jones is the NFL Head Coach 09 stand-in for real-life Detroit Lions legend Barry Sanders. Why not use him here?

A/N 8: Addressing the reviews in general: appreciate all the advice. But hang on tight. Shit's about to get much crazier than you could ever imagine.

Anyway, who exactly is Marcus Quick? What does he have in store for the Royal Woods Middle School Squirrels? Has Lynn Jr. doomed Lincoln? And how will everyone react to Lincoln's ultimate fate? Stay tuned to find out the answers to all these and more!