Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 17: Sister Rage Protocol

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 5; 3:15 PM
LOUD HOUSE
ROYAL WOODS, MICHIGAN

As Lisa put Lily back in her crib, she sighed, "Guess I'm the only lucid member of this house, now."

Lily babbled, "Sa-sa!"

Lisa sighed, "Oh, how I long for your innocence, youngest sibling. Don't worry, little one. We're going to fix this, and everything's going to be OK. For us, at least."

Lily giggled, "Sa-sa! Hehehe!", while clapping her hands.

After Lisa tucked Lily in, Lisa surveyed and searched her room for any pieces of technology and scientific equipment she still had, and took inventory of it all. While all of Lisa's technology had been stolen, all of Lisa's chemical equipment remained fully intact, including her beakers and the chemicals themselves. The robbers were smart to not risk the side effects that come with handling my chemicals, she thought.

Once Lisa finished counting the inventory in her room, she realized that with the sheer amount of extracurriculars that the family had, she would have to make numerous calls telling those people that the Louds wouldn't be present that day. She figured that Lynn Sr. and Rita had already called in to declare themselves absent from work, so they were taken care of. By virtue of having scholastic extracurricular activities, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn Jr., and Lucy were also already taken care of by that assumption. That left Lola, Lana, and herself. As usual, Lisa decided to take care of herself first. She called every scientific and technological institute she worked with to let them know that she was taking an extended leave of absence due to bereavement from the loss of the pets. These institutions understood and let Lisa have her time off.

Once that was done, she opened a voice-changing app and changed the "Voice Output" setting to "Rita." When Lisa called Cheryl's cellphone, Cheryl picked up and answered, "Hello?"

Lisa, sounding like Rita over the phone, told Cheryl, "Hello, this is Rita Loud speaking."

Cheryl chirped, "Ah, Mrs. Loud! How are you?"

Lisa sighed, "Not too good. You know that family emergency I called you about earlier?"

Cheryl replied, "Yes, what about that?"

Lisa informed Cheryl, "We found out that all of our pets died."

Cheryl gasped, "Oh my, Rita. May I extend my deepest condolences to you and your family."

Lisa said, "Thanks. Now, can you let the people working the Miss Little Angel Pageant know that Lola won't be able to attend rehearsals tonight? She's grieving."

Cheryl stammered, "A-absolutely. Take as much time as you need. And tell Lola I said that, OK?"

Lisa responded, "Absolutely. Bye, Cheryl!"

Cheryl said, "Goodbye", to Lisa before hanging up. Lisa then searched for "Bluebell Scouts" on the phone, and after finding it, she called that number as well. Thanks to calling the Bluebell Scouts on the voice modulating app, Lisa's voice would sound like Rita on this call as well.

When the Bluebell Scouts Leader picked up the phone, she answered, "Hello, this is April, Bluebell Scouts Leader, speaking."

Lisa replied, "Hi, April, it's Rita calling."

April chirped, "Oh my, Rita? How are you?!"

Lisa sighed, "Not too good. We just went to the veterinarian and all of our pets just died."

April gasped before stuttering, "Oh-oh wow, Rita. My sincerest condolences."

Lisa continued, "Thank you. Now, because of this, Lana will not be going to Bluebells for a while. At least until she feels better."

April paused for a second before answering, "Y-yes. That's understandable. You and your family, take as much time as you need. And we'll be sure to send a package of our finest Bluebell Scouts cookies, just for you guys."

Lisa replied, "Thank you, I appreciate it", before hanging up the phone. As she did, Lisa smirked to herself, "Time off and Bluebell Scouts cookies? You did good, Lisa. You did good."

Immediately after making those calls, Lisa took her phone, scoured both the Visible and Invisible Web, and bought the latest versions of the technology that had been stolen from her for overnight delivery. With the technology being as expensive as it was, Lisa used the institutional credit cards she had been issued to make her purchases on the Visible Web go through. As for Lisa's purchases on the Invisible Web, Lisa was able to wire the cryptocurrency to the sellers very quickly.

Next, Lisa began to brainstorm ways to kill Marcus Quick and his cronies secretly and agonizingly. Unfortunately, Lisa didn't have anything on hand at the moment that would do just that. But when Lisa remembered the story of Alexander Litvinenko, she remembered a French scientist she had worked with that had since defected to the Russians. Born Jacob Forte, but now named Yovan Gromkiy, he was an intelligence agent with questionable ethics that could quickly get things done, for the right price. After searching for his number, she opened an encryption app, and decided to give him a call.

The phone rung three times before Yovan picked up the phone and answered in a thick Slavic accent, "Hello, Yovan Gromkiy speaking."

Lisa spoke, "Good evening, this is Lisa Loud. I hope I'm not interrupting anything important."

Yovan laughed before reassuring Lisa, "You are not. So, what do you want to talk about?"

Lisa explained, "There's a crazed sports star in my neighborhood that killed all of my family's pets. Marcus Quick, I believe his name was."

Yovan pondered, "Hmm… Marcus Quick. Never heard of him. You and your Americans with your crazy sports. Tackleball… it's not even football, by the way, baseball, basketball."

Lisa continued, "His name doesn't matter. Do you have this call encrypted?"

Yovan confirmed, "Yes, I do," before asking, "Why, what do you want to do?"

Lisa said, "I want to take care of Marcus Quick. Though I will inform you that he is worth an estimated 100 million US dollars."

Yovan answered, "Ah… an oligarch. Those types are hard to take care of, but it can be done. Especially with someone of your intelligence."

Lisa blushed, "Oh, you are too kind. So, do you have anything I could use?"

Yovan affirmed, "Yes, I do," before inquiring, "What do you want? The good stuff?"

Lisa responded, "Yes. The US government gave me special permission to even contemplate synthesizing it, so you know I'm good for it."

Yovan asked, "How much?"

Lisa pondered, "Hmm," before telling Yovan, "About 100 micrograms should do it."

Yovan gasped, "100 micrograms? Radio P is lethal at 1 microgram! You know that!"

Lisa explained, "True. But I have a lot of other pests I'm going to need to take care of."

Yovan sighed, "As you wish, Lisa. I just hope you know what you're doing."

Lisa assured Yovan, "I do."

Yovan asked, "When do you want delivery?"

Lisa replied, "How fast can you get it here?"

Yovan responded, "I don't know. Maybe… say… tomorrow at 1800 hours your time?"

Lisa smiled, "Perfect. Tomorrow at 1800 hours Eastern Daylight Time."

Yovan replied, "Okay", before asking, "Where are we meeting?"

Lisa explained, "Usual place. Unless there's a problem with that."

Yovan knew exactly what Lisa meant by "usual place", and assured her, "No, no. No problem with that place at all." Yovan then asked, "And as for payment?"

Lisa remembered, "Ah, yes. The payment. I will have the Nickcoin wired to you in a couple of hours."

Yovan named his price, "8000 NCK."

Lisa stated, "Mr. Gromskiy, you have yourself a deal."

Yovan agreed, "Excellent. See you tomorrow."

Lisa responded, "Tomorrow", before hanging up the phone.

While all this was going on, Lily watched Lisa in fascination. As Lisa hung up the phone, Lily felt her stomach rumble, and called out to Lisa, "Poo-poo!"

As soon as Lily cried for Lisa's help, she pooped in her diaper. With the smell quickly overwhelming Lisa, she sighed and deadpanned, "Of course. Come here, Lily."

Lily then babbled happily as Lisa took Lily to her automated diaper-changing station.

As Lisa let the diaper-changing station assist Lily, she readied herself to work on further experiments before she heard Lori screaming from the other side of one of the house's walls, "MARCUS QUICK KILLED OUR PETS AFTER HE PROMISED ME I'D BE HIS GIRLFRIEND!", before breaking into hysterical crying. Judging from Lori's crying, Lisa quickly deduced that Lori was trying to explain to Bobby that she regretted hers and Leni's actions the previous night. Lisa considered listening in on the conversation, but was quickly interrupted by the chime of the diaper-changing station letting her know Lily was done. After Lisa put Lily back in her crib, she put her ear to the wall adjacent to Lori's room to listen in on Lori's conversation. When Lisa heard Lori threaten to turn her into a "human pretzel," Lisa sighed and shook her head, "Poor, foolish eldest sibling unit. If only she knew what I still had in store," before opening her cabinet full of chemicals and beakers.

When Lisa looked at her cabinet, she decided to use those chemicals, as well as a few others that she was planning on ordering from Yovan, to experiment on her siblings' pain response. That way, she could use the results for the inevitable revenge against Quick. Plus, it would be a very interesting scientific paper for her to publish, which would strengthen her connections with the military. While she wished Lincoln was there to help her, she recognized that with Lincoln out of the squirrel suit due to his hospitalization, it would be inconvenient for her to keep going in and out of the hospital to experiment on Lincoln. So she decided to stand back, observe the SFP, deduce its eventual loser, and experiment on her. By the end of the night, she would get her answer as to who that loser was.

(Scene Change: Lori and Leni's Room)

As Lori cried into her pillow, Leni scolded her, "You know, we wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't go through with your 'special surprise' for Marcus."

Lori yelled through tears, "SHUT UP, LENI! God, you're such a fucking idiot! I literally just need some time, Leni. I just need some time."

Leni retorted, "Really? Did you need some time when you made the decision to choose Marcus Quick over a boyfriend that loved, respected, and cared about you?"

Lori snapped, "That doesn't matter now! Bobby literally broke up with me! And besides, he's a loser anyway… what does he have? A million dead-end jobs that he literally won't get out of, anyway."

Leni gasped before muttering, "You don't really care about anybody, do you?" She then screamed, "OUR PETS ARE DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!"

Lori defended herself, "HEY, IT WASN'T MY FAULT! LYNN LITERALLY BROUGHT HER IN THE HOUSE!"

Leni exploded, "Oh yeah? Who brought him into our room for some alone time? WHO wanted him to come to our room last? WE DID!" She then growled, "You know… this wouldn't have happened if you just admitted that I bought that dress first."

Lori gasped before seething, "You're literally bringing that up again?"

Leni scoffed, "I'm not as dumb as you think. I told Dana about our agreement, and she told me EVERY day of the week ends in the letter 'Y'. So I'd never wear that dress. Was that your plan?"

Lori sneered, "Yeah. Yeah, it was. And I'd literally do it again."

Leni gasped before opening her shared closet with Lori and beginning to pack her clothes, bags, dresses, and furniture into suitcases.

When Lori saw Leni packing her one-of-a-kind blue dress in her suitcase, she growled, "Where are you going?!"

Leni snapped, "Away from here! And away from you!"

Lori roared, "AND YOU'RE LITERALLY TAKING MY DRESS?!"

Leni snarled, "The way you acted last night, you don't deserve that dress!"

Lori immediately charged at Leni, resulting in a physical fight between the two sisters. Much slapping, punching, kicking, and hair-pulling ensued before the two ripped the dress in a tug-of-war.

Lori and Leni gasped before Lori shrieked, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU LITERALLY RIPPED MY DRESS!"

Leni shouted, "YOUR DRESS?! Really, Lori? That dress was TOTES mine! Besides, we have another one… oh wait! It doesn't fit you, Miss 'I Have to Take Nutrition, Fitness, and Weight Management class!'"

Lori gasped before growling, "You literally did not just go there."

Leni sneered, "Yeah. I did. And you know what? I'm taking that dress, too! And I'm wearing it every day of the week that ends in 'Y'!"

As Leni walked to the door, Lori blocked the door and derided Leni, "You're not going anywhere."

Leni protested, "Watch me", and attempted to shoulder-check Lori out of the way.

However, Lori held firm and mocked Leni, "If you think you can get anywhere without me, you're wrong. You are so dumb you need special classes to get through high school, and even with Lisa's help, you're barely passing those. When I asked you to make my bed, you literally built me a new one from scratch. That's not what making a bed is! If you can't figure out those simple things, there's literally no way you can survive in your own room."

Leni looked down at the floor, dropped her suitcase, and said to Lori, "You're right," causing Lori to cross her arms and smirk smugly at Leni in triumph. For a split-second, Leni appeared to sulk away in defeat. However, at the last moment, Leni lifted her bed up and scoffed at Lori, "Watch me," before dropping the bed and slamming the door open. As Leni dragged her bed and all of her suitcases out of the room, Lori mocked, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out! And may I add, the attic is literally the best place to sleep!"

Leni shouted, "Fine! I'll sleep there!", before pulling down the folding ladder to the attic in the middle of the kids' hallway and climbing it with her bed and suitcase somehow completely intact. Leni figured out that she could move the bed up the ladder faster if she simply pushed it up, and managed to set up her new bedroom surprisingly quickly.

Unfortunately for Leni, after she found a place for her bed and her suitcase in the attic, she found that she didn't have any extra place to put her extensive wardrobe, makeup collection, or any of the other supplies she used to stay pretty. As she reflected on how often everyone in the Loud House used the attic, she thought to herself, The attic is totes scary… that's it! Lucy! Leni immediately took the folding ladder back downstairs, walked up to Lucy's room, knocked on the door, and told her, "Lucy, get your stuff out of the attic. I'm sleeping there until Lori learns to respect me."

(Scene Change: Lynn Jr. & Lucy's Room)

When Lynn Jr. heard Leni tell Lucy she was staying in the attic, she sneered at Lucy, "You heard Leni. You gotta go."

Lucy murmured, "W-what?"

Lynn Jr. explained, "First reason: do you know how much junk we have in that attic? I can't have that here! I'll trip over it when I do my pregame rituals! I need ALL the space I can get! I'm planning on mastering this new Lewis Ray dance!"

Lucy seethed, "Good. I hope you fall and crack your skull while doing those dances, you traitor."

Lynn Jr. snapped, "THAT'S MY SECOND POINT! You're always cursing everybody, always bringing around bad luck, always sneaking up on people and creeping them out. You're so depressing and negative… always bringing me down."

Lucy countered, "Sigh… the darkness comforts me. Learn to embrace it. It will help you with your pain."

Lynn Jr. professed, "Hey, no pain, no gain! And third thing… I bet you still have that creepy book hidden somewhere! You lied to me! You told me that goths have that weird 'luck reversal' thing where bad luck is good luck, and NOW look what happened to us! Our pets are dead, and everyone is telling me that Marcus Quick did it, even though he clearly would never do such a thing!"

Lynn Jr. then gasped before growling, "You know what, Duchess of Darkness? I think you might be bad luck."

Lucy whispered, "What?"

Lynn Jr. seethed, "You heard me. You're the one cursing us. You're the reason Marcus Quick had sex with our sisters, possibly got them pregnant, and then killed the pets and robbed everybody's stuff. You probably teamed up with Stinkoln to put a voodoo hex on this house that is causing everything to go wrong! And I think you lied about that whole 'good luck being bad luck' thing just so you could keep your creepy photo album! I missed a football practice because of you!"

Lucy deadpanned, "No, you didn't. You missed a football practice because our parents called in telling the coach you couldn't make it."

Lynn Jr. scoffed, "You really expect me to believe that?", before threatening, "Get out of this house, now, or I'll make you."

Lucy gasped before begging, "No… no! You're not throwing me out of this house! We're sisters! You have to let me stay!"

Lynn Jr. scoffed, "Sisters? SISTERS? That went out the window when you started siding with Lincoln instead of this family. Or did you forget what Lori said: this family supports each other."

Lucy implored Lynn Jr., "Sigh. I do support this family. Why can't I stay? I come to all your games. I've never cursed you."

Lynn Jr. countered, "By keeping that book around with all of Stinkoln's pictures? You've definitely cursed me. He's bad luck without that squirrel suit on! And how do you think most of those pictures were taken? WITHOUT HIS SQUIRREL SUIT ON! Do you like us being cursed? Oh wait… let me answer that… you do! Because you love cursed things! Ugh… until I can get Lisa to photoshop these pictures or something, YOU ARE OUT OF HERE! And get your furniture out, too! I'm gonna go to the attic and get the rest of the stuff!"

Lucy defied Lynn Jr., "I'm. Not. Leaving. And if you make me cry, I will actually hex you."

Lynn Jr. threatened, "That's fine with me. Because remember what you said? Your bad luck is my good luck. So yeah, Spooky… Adios."

As Lynn Jr. literally tossed Lucy's stuff outside their shared room, Lynn Sr., who heard the commotion from downstairs, sniffled to Rita, "H-honey… sounds like the kids are up and moving again. I'll go get dinner for them."

Rita asked, "Really? Are you sure we can go around and spend time with 10 different children individually?"

Lynn Sr. groaned, "What choice do we have? If we try to call them down to dinner, they'll either refuse to eat or completely destroy this house with one of their food fights! You know how wild they get!"

Rita sighed, "You know what, you're right. I'll help you prepare, and maybe we can call the kids down and convince them to eat. What's today's meal?"

Lynn Sr. told Rita, "It's Wienerschnitzel Wednesday. So yeah… gonna get started on those schnitzels."

Rita chuckled, "You do that. Hopefully, it'll take our minds off all this", before kissing her husband on the cheek as he walked out of the room.

(Time Skip: 30 minutes later)

As Rita read War and Peace, a drained Lynn Sr. opened the bedroom door and told her, "Honey, dinner's ready. Let's go call the kids."

Rita nodded, "Alright," before the two parents walked upstairs to call their kids downstairs to grab dinner. As soon as Lynn Sr. and Rita reached the stairwell, they saw both Lucy's furniture and boxes from the attic scattered outside Lucy and Lynn Jr.'s room. Rita and Lynn Sr. traded glances and whispered, "Who should ask them?", before Rita whispered, "Fine, I'll do it."

As Rita reached the stairwell, she heard Lola yell from her room, "Ugh… I'm doing my homework in the kitchen! That way, I don't have to see you or your stupid face!"

Rita sighed before she saw Lana slamming her bedroom door open. As Lana walked past Lynn Jr., she shot Lynn Jr. a death glare and muttered under her breath, "I'm gonna kill you, you bitch."

Lynn Jr. tensed, "What? Who was that?"

When Lana mimed a lip-zipping motion, Lynn Jr. immediately disregarded the noise and went back to throwing Lucy's stuff and the stuff from the attic outside. From there, Lana began to madly mumble, "Oh… kill Marcus Quick, kidnap him, torture him, beat him up, hurt him everywhere, throw him in jail, kill Marcus Quick, kidnap him, torture him, beat him up, hurt him everywhere, throw him in jail". She repeated this sequence of phrases several more times before Lucy popped up out of nowhere and asked, "What's wrong, Lana?"

Lana deadpanned, "You know what's wrong. You saw it. And one of your pets was involved. Fangs, was it?!"

Lana sniffled, "Yes," before sobbing hysterically into Lucy's arms.

As Lucy comforted Lana, she added, "Death is a natural part of life. It is what it is."

Lana responded by breaking her hug and screaming, "REALLY?! IS PETS BEING KILLED BY A BIG SPORTS STAR WHO WE INVITED IN NATURAL?! THOSE PETS WERE MURDERED! They didn't die of natural causes! THEY WERE MURDERED, LUCY! MURDERED! And if you don't get that through your thick, gloomy head, I'm gonna make sure YOU JOIN THEM! You, Marcus Quick, and EVERYONE WHO WORKED WITH HIM! You played with Marcus, didn't you? Didn't you take Marcus into your room? What did you do with him? TELL ME RIGHT NOW OR I'LL THROW YOU DOWN THOSE STAIRS!"

Lucy groaned, "I told Marcus to be careful. I knew stupidity would be his downfall."

Lana gasped before whispering, "You knew?", with a crazed scowl on her face.

Lucy saved herself, "I did. Because what's going to happen to him now is far, far worse."

Lana growled, "What'll happen to them that's worse?"

Lucy explained, "I saw a vision in my crystal ball. I saw them being shamed on the news, beaten up, and dragged through town."

Lana smirked, "Uh-huh."

Lucy continued, "Then I saw them tortured, chained to a tree, and eaten by a pack of wolves… their legs and arms ripped from their bodies as they slowly bled out and while the town cheered the wolves on."

Lana screamed in ecstasy, "YES! YES! YES!"

Lucy concluded, "And finally… I saw Marcus and his buddies paraded through town in a 'parade of shame'".

Lana curiously asked, "A parade of shame? What does that mean?"

Lucy explained, "People pissed and pooped on their bodies. Since no one wanted to bury them, their bodies instead had to be cremated, or burned. And the people who killed them… they pooped inside the urns, too. And to top it all off… the ashes were tossed around like footballs before being ultimately spiked into the lake. Not thrown… spiked. The ashes and the urns that came with them. I suggest when we find them, we do that to them."

After flashing a toothy, sadistic grin at Lucy, Lana ran towards Lucy, gave her a big hug, and gleefully cheered, "Thanks, Luce! I knew I could count on you!"

A horrified Lucy mused, "Even Quick doesn't deserve such a humiliating fate. Only true monsters deserve such disturbed rest..."

Lana ignored Lucy before breaking the hug and singing, "Poop on Marcus Quick's ashes! Poop on Marcus Quick's ashes! Yeah! YEAH!"

Lucy started to warn Lana, "Marcus is not an ordinary," before trailing off when she realized Lana wasn't listening to her. When Lucy saw Lana slam the door shut to her room, she deadpanned, "Sigh. No one ever listens to me."

Meanwhile, in Lola and Lana's room, Lana was doing a victory dance that looked like a shuffling heel toe while singing, "Marcus Quick is done for! Marcus Quick is done for!"

Lola, whose focus on applying her makeup was broken, yelled from her vanity, "WHAT DO YOU WANT, LANA?"

Lana proclaimed, "SIS! WE'RE GETTING REVENGE ON MARCUS QUICK FOR GETTING RID OF OUR PETS! Lucy's got the setup, we just have to find Marcus Quick and everyone else who helped him rob our house, kill them all, tear them apart limb from limb, burn them into ashes, and then pee and poop on them!"

Lola's jaw dropped before she shook her head to snap out of it. When she did, she responded, "Well, you know what I say to that?"

Lana asked, "What?", while practically bouncing on her heels.

Lola screamed, "I say GOOD RIDDANCE! TO YOU AND YOUR PETS!"

Lana growled at Lola, "YOU BITCH!", before tackling her to the ground. Lola sensed Lana's intensity and matched it by literally scratching and biting her back. The two would spend the next couple of minutes in an all-out brawl with each other that went largely unnoticed due to the tensions between the other Loud sisters. When it was all said and done, Lana had sustained scuffed clothes, a few scratch marks, a bite mark on her arm, and a few bruises on her face. Lana had knocked out Lola's second baby tooth and torn her dress. As Lola lay on the ground in pain, she seethed at Lana, who glared at Lola before getting off her, walking away, and beginning to put her things in bags. As Lana struggled to push her bed out of the twins' shared room, Lola spat, "Y-y-your p-p-pets a-annoyed e-everybody."

Lana stopped in her tracks, encouraging Lola to continue, "Your pets spread diseases. Could have made everybody sick. And so did you. I heard your plan to kill Marcus Quick and his buddies. You're absolutely crazy. And I'd love it if you got out of this room. And out of my life."

Lana gasped before seething, "You did this, didn't you?"

Lola scoffed, "Looking back, I wish I did."

Instead of attacking Lola again, Lana ignored her and finished gathering her things before throwing them out of Lola's room. As Lana dragged her bed out of Lola's room, she exchanged one last glare with Lola before slamming the bedroom door shut as hard as she could. As she did, a thunderous sound echoed across the hallway, shocking all those who heard and/or saw Lana slam the door on Lola.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Loud sisters were watching, or in some cases assisting, Lynn Jr. throw all of Lucy's stuff out of Lynn Jr. and Lucy's shared room. When Lynn Jr. threw out the last piece of Lucy's furniture, her coffin bed, she dusted off her hands and smirked, "Aaah…. That ought to do it."

Lucy asked, "Lynn, what are you doing?"

Lynn Jr. scoffed, "Is wax clogging up your ears or something? You're cursed, so GET! OUT!", while shoving Lucy closer to the stairs with each word.

The rest of the sisters, except Lola, who was in her room, yelled in unison, "Yeah!"

The terrified Loud parents, who had joined their daughters upstairs, gasped as their daughters turned their glares to them. Lynn Sr. stammered, "Uh… uh… you do have that dark magic and talking to dead people thing going! AAAH! SO SCARY!"

Rita uttered, "Yeah, honey! Find another place to sleep until this all blows over!"

Lori suggested, "Yeah! Sister Fight Protocols literally tend to be resolved when everybody stays away from each other!"

The rest of the Loud sisters cheered in agreement, "Yeah!"

Lucy begged Lynn Jr., "What can I do to stay? I'll do anything!"

Lynn Jr. murmured, "Hmm," before she evilly smirked and told Lynn Jr., "You see that book you're holding, over there?"

Lucy held the book guardedly with both hands and asked, "Yeah, what about it?"

Lynn Jr. whispered, "Burn it."

Lucy gasped, "W-what?"

Lynn Jr. repeated, "You heard me. Burn it."

As Lucy felt her sisters' glares on her neck, she looked to her parents.

Lynn Sr. stammered, "C-come on, s-sweetie. It's just a book. How much harm can burning it do?"

Rita offered, "Yeah… we'll get you a replacement! They're like $10 at the store!"

Lucy started, "But those books have pictures of…", before the rest of her sisters glared at her, making her squeak, "OK, OK, I'll do it."

Lynn Jr. gave Lucy a throat hug while praising her, "Glad you understand. Come on, let's go burn that book!"

The rest of the Loud sisters and parents cheered as they following Lucy downstairs to the fireplace to burn Lincoln's photo album.

As Lynn Jr. put her hand to the light switch that would turn the fireplace on, she proclaimed, "Today, we get rid of the last bits of bad luck cursing this house! May good fortune fall on the House of Loud from now on!"

Cheers rung throughout the Loud House before Lynn Jr. turned on the fireplace light and said, "Luce… you know what to do."

Lucy sighed before tossing Lincoln's photo album into the fireplace to burn. As soon as the book made contact with the firewood, everyone cheered. As the book disintegrated into ashes, the family dispersed into their respective rooms, except for Lynn Jr., Lucy, and Lana.

Lynn Jr. noogied Lucy while praising her, "Congratulations! Looks like you support this family after all!"

Lucy deadpanned, "Thanks."

Lynn Jr. then released Lucy from her noogie before telling her, "You know, I was thinking about stuff. And I'm feeling nice today. And I know that I can't stop you from being your spooky self. So how about this: we'll get Lana to de-board Lincoln's old room, and you can sleep there!"

Lucy and Lana asked, "What?!", before Lucy asked, "Lincoln's room? Why me?"

Lynn Jr. explained, "Because… you said it yourself, spooky. Bad luck is good luck for you, and vice versa. And we know that room is tainted with bad luck. Therefore, you can be good luck in there, meaning the whole family is bad luck. You can do your rituals, you can do whatever. Just as long as you leave the rest of your family alone."

Lucy smiled, "OK, Lynn. But you mind helping me move my stuff in? It's kind of heavy."

Lynn Jr. scoffed, "No. You've got to learn how to get strong like me. Then we'll reconsider."

Lucy groaned, "Sigh. Fine."

Lynn Jr. smiled, "Glad you see it my way. Now, get moving!"

As Lana watched Lucy fill Lincoln's former room up with her stuff, she growled at Lynn Jr., "I WAS GOING TO TAKE THE ROOM, YOU DUMBASS!"

Lynn Jr. said, "I've made my decision. That's Lucy's room, and that's final!"

Lana sassed, "Oh yeah? Who made you queen of this house?"

Lynn Jr. growled, "Don't push it."

Lana shoved Lynn Jr. and snarked, "There's your push."

At that moment, Lynn Jr. tackled Lana and savagely beat her. Lana fought valiantly against Lynn Jr., but ended up being no match for the sporty sister due to Lynn Jr.'s size and strength advantages. Lynn Jr. left Lana with a black eye, a bloodied lip, bruises all over her face, & soreness in her body. Lana was in so much pain that she struggled to get up from the floor after being beaten up by Lynn Jr. The terrified Loud parents decided to let the kids resolve it themselves.

When Lynn Jr. and Lana finally wore themselves out, Rita told them, "Alright, kids. Walk it off, go to your rooms."

As Lynn Jr. stormed off into her own room, Rita asked, "Lana, what happened?"

Lana huffed, "I can't sleep with Lola anymore. That girl said our pets were a nuisance."

As the Loud parents grinned at Lana, she suspiciously asked, "What?"

Lynn Sr. hurriedly responded, "Oh, nothing! I'll tell you what… how about Mom & I help you get set up in the basement?"

Lana sniffled before smiling, "Really?"

When the Loud parents nodded in response, Lana gave them a big hug and cheered, "Aww, thanks, guys! You're the best!"

Lynn Sr. ruffled Lana's hair and promised, "Don't mention it, sport! Now, Mom & I will carry your bed while you can carry…", before being interrupted by Luna slamming her bedroom door open. As Rita saw Luna angrily stomp between her room and the hallway while literally throwing her stuff out of her room, she asked, "Honey, are you OK?"

Luna stalked over to her parents and snarled, "What do you think, dudes? I can't stand that psycho of a roommate anymore!"

Lynn Sr. asked, "What, you mean, Luan?"

Luna yelled, "Yeah! She's blaming me for saying Marcus should sleep with Lori & Leni, & blaming me for setting up that comedy & music show we did for him! It's bogus, dudes!"

Lynn Sr. asked, "Well, did you?"

Luna defended herself, "No! I didn't tell Lori & Leni to do anything with Marcus Quick! And Luan & I set that comedy show up as a joint effort! We didn't know it was going to happen, I swear!"

When Luna saw Lana's possessions scattered across the hallway, she asked her parents, "Uh… you guys got a spare bed? Kind of an awkward situation, you know, with the bunk bed, heh heh."

Rita replied, "Oh," before Lynn Sr. offered Luna, "Well, how about this? I think Bed 'n Bath is still open, so I'll run over there to get a new bed for you!"

Luna gasped before hugging her parents and cheering, "Thanks, dudes! I promise you, you won't regret it!"

Lynn Sr. and Rita chirped, "You're welcome, honey!"

When Luna broke the hug, she yelled, "I'm taking the basement! And anyone who wants to challenge me for it can fight me!", as she started dragging the rest of her stuff downstairs.

As the Louds gawked at Luna dragging her stuff to the basement, Lynn Sr. quickly offered Lana, "Well, the attic! Attic's good, right?"

Lana quickly made a buzzer noise with a thumbs-down gesture before explaining, "Leni's claimed that room."

Rita desperately suggested, "H-how about the garage, honey?"

Lana asked, "The garage?"

Lynn Sr. smiled, "Yeah! You'll be able to do all your little handiwork and stuff, and you won't even have to leave your room to do it!"

Lana gasped before cheering, "Oh-ho-ho! Alright!", before hugging them and beaming, "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Lynn Sr. assured Lana, "Umm… yeah! Sure thing!"

Rita then suggested, "Why don't you get your things set up in the garage while we go get Luna's new bed, and then we'll join you?"

Lana fist-pumped and cheered, "Yes!", as Lynn Sr. and Rita lifted her bed and took it downstairs.

Once Lana reached the garage with some of her own stuff, Lynn Sr. and Rita gave her a friendly "goodbye" wave from Vanzilla, which Lana returned.

As Lana returned upstairs to take more of her stuff downstairs, she saw Lisa walking to Lincoln's old room and knocking on the door before asking Lucy, "Spooky, I request your assistance with an experiment."

Lucy slammed the door open and venomously yelled at Lisa, "I'm not doing anything to help you", before slamming the door in Lisa's face.

Immediately after Lucy slammed her bedroom door on Lisa, Lana ran towards Lisa and begged, "Aww… please please please let me do one of your experiments! Especially if it's a way to torture Marcus Quick! Ooh… I'll get that bastard if it's the last thing I do!"

Lisa smirked, "Oh… I'll keep that in mind."

Lynn Jr. slammed her bedroom door open and threatened Lisa, "You will do no such thing!"

Lisa challenged, "And why is that, sporty?"

Lynn Jr. countered, "Lana is 6 years old! You can't put her through stuff like that! Why don't we get Stinkoln to do it?"

Lisa and Lana sighed before reminding Lynn Jr., "Because he's gone, and we don't know where he is!"

Lynn Jr. nervously laughed before saying, "Oh, yeah, right. But when you do find him… I want to beat him up before you do anything to him! I need him alive to feel the pain!"

Lisa claimed, "Oh… what I'm going to do to him will put him in far greater pain than anything you can do!"

Lynn Jr. scoffed, "Puh-lease! Wanna put a bet on it?"

Lisa offered, "62 cents?"

Lynn Jr. smirked, "Oh, you're on!", before slamming the door shut on Lisa.

While all this was going on, Lana shuffled away from the commotion, took some more of her stuff, and started walking downstairs, trying her best to ignore her quarreling sisters.

(Time Skip: 11:00 PM, Loud House Garage)

After a few hours, Lynn Sr., Rita, and Lana had finished setting up both Luna and Lana's new bedrooms. The trio had also cooperated on setting up an ensuite bathroom for Lana, with Lynn Sr. even joking during the construction process, "Hey sport… mind letting us have a turn in it?"

Lana growled at Lynn Sr.'s joke, causing him to nervously back off, "OK, honey! OK! This is your room… you can do whatever you want with it."

Meanwhile, as Rita put the last of Lana's wall decorations on the garage wall, she uttered, "There!", before asking Lana, "How's that, honey?"

Lana jumped on her bed as she cheered, "Oh, this is perfect! I love this! Thanks, guys!"

Lynn Sr. smiled, "No problem, sweetie! Any time!"

Rita praised Lana, "And you were a big help, too, sweetie!"

Lana scoffed, "For the chance to get my own room away from the princess? Why wouldn't I be?"

Lynn Sr. and Rita laughed before Rita said, "Now, call us if you need anything, honey!"

Lana smiled, "OK!"

As Lynn Sr. and Rita walked out of the garage, they chuckled before Rita wished Lana, "Now, have fun!"

Lana responded, "Oh, I will!", before waving to her departing parents, "Bye, guys!"

Lynn Sr. and Rita waved goodbye back at Lana before shutting the door to Lana's room. As they did, Lana excitedly cheered, "Alright, let's get this party started!"

(Scene Change: Lola's Room)

As Lola fell asleep alone for the first time in her life, she muttered to herself, "Best sleep ever, here I come. I'm so going to slay at Friday night's beauty pageant."

However, as the night went on, Lola noticed that she had a harder time falling asleep than usual. Whenever Lola heard the floor squeak or pounding from across the walls, she gasped in fear. She also noticed that her room felt unusually quiet due to the absence of both Lana and the Loud pets, but paid it no mind. Lola also knew not to ask her parents to sleep in their bedroom, as doing so would raise the ire of the other sisters. And in a Sister Fight Protocol as tense as this one, that could mean disaster. So, Lola shrugged her startled reactions off, and continued to toss and turn as she struggled to fall asleep.

(Scene Change: Lucy's Room)

As Lucy walked back into her room, she found something in the corner of the room that startled her. It was Lincoln's photo album, completely unharmed. Lucy switched her room light on and investigated. As Lucy picked up the book and examined it, she observed that the album, and every picture inside, seemed to be in perfect condition.

Lucy gasped in shock before ultimately throwing Lincoln's photo album off to the side before getting in her bed. As Lucy tried to go back to sleep, she bitterly thought to herself, Thanks for the room, Linc.

Meanwhile, up in the spirit realm, Great-Grandma Harriet grimly shook her head in disgust.

Closing A/N: Ladies and gentlemen... the first night of the Thermonuclear Sister Fight Protocol!

A/N 2: The name "April" for the Bluebell Scouts Leader comes from April Stewart, the voice actor for the Bluebell Scouts in Season 2, when NSL takes place.

A/N 3: Nickcoin cryptocurrency? With someone like Lisa? I loved that idea.

A/N 4: Lori taking a "Nutrition, Fitness, and Weight Management" class? I found that the real-life Royal Oak High School actually offered that class. For someone like Lori, the comedic value of that was too good to pass up.

A/N 5: The "Lewis Ray" dance… I love it, I love it!

A/N 6: The "62 cents" line? Not only could I not miss out on the SpongeBob reference, but I feel like Lynn Jr. would be petty enough to make such a bet.

A/N 7: Lana moving into the garage: I figured the "Garage Banned" plot had to be reused somewhere. Why not with Lana? Who, by the way, makes much more sense rooming in the garage than Lori, especially with her hobbies.

A/N 8: I can't believe this story is getting foreign-language reviews now! I have to go into Google Translate for some of this stuff, and man, I like what I'm hearing! Thanks for the support, and keep reading, my international fans!

A/N 9: BIG round of applause for LucyDean2004. He figured out my "Marcus Quick" character. CONGRATULATIONS, buddy. Dear NFL, ESPN, whatever… please don't sue me! But I didn't just give "Marcus Quick" his name because of that stuff! I also gave him that name because as you've seen, Marcus Quick's playing style matches that of his real-life counterpart. The name was just too perfect.

A/N 10: 120 follows! W00T!

And now, for the reviews:

- Saccharine Melody: How about everything?

- jeremiahkelley93, wollyworld, simm36: Thanks!

- Omegahatchiyak12, Weewoozesty, Alfa Prime: Like you wouldn't believe!

- viruet820, Zerobeat3030, LynnLoudMustDie, Goldenrayne: Stay tuned!

- bzflatsman: I see.

- Guest: Lisa knows where Maria lives because Maria is Bobby's MOTHER. And Bobby was dating Lori. And remember… tracking chips.

- Mr. Freeman, & Omnios: Regarding "Marcus Quick": xD

- DJ Sprouts: LOL! Glad you love the story!

Anyway, how will the Louds adjust to the new conditions in their house? And what do the fates have in store for them? Stay tuned to find out!