A/N. I rambled on a bit in this one lol… But I had to introduce the Southern Raiders storyline somehow.
I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender
Their flight took most of the day…
They had left the temple early in the morning, and were now heading towards the south east. It was a desperate move, Aang knew that… But the Fire Nation would probably think they would follow the airship that Hakoda had taken towards the North Pole… If that was indeed where he was heading.
And… He had seen Katara's look when Azula had emerged from the crowd of soldiers.
A look he had never seen before on her face. One of pure anger and rage towards a person. And at that moment he had known… That nothing would stop her from trying to fight the princess. He had tried to get her to Appa, but as he had been preparing the reins, Sokka had called him, pointing to the waterbender, marching towards where Azula and Zuko had been fighting…
And fear had gripped his heart.
He knew Katara was capable of fighting… Probably more capable than he was himself… But to see the woman he loved march off towards the person who had threatened her? With horrible, horrible things? He knew he had to stop her…
Even if she would be mad at him for doing so…
So, he had quite literally dragged her back, as she fought him and hit him…
And since this morning, she had not spoken to him. Not once…
And had been sitting at the back of the saddle, quietly glaring at him. And Sokka had looked sympathetically at him… more than once. Aang knew what that meant.
Oh boy, you are in trouble…
They were approaching one of the southern tips of the lands of the Western Air Nomads, and he knew he had pushed Appa to his limit. The sun was not yet going down, but they had created more than enough distance between themselves and the soldiers of Azula. They needed to rest, and… And he needed to talk to Katara.
As the airbender maneuvered the reins to direct Appa towards a small cliff, he thought about what he had done.
Katara was fiercely proud of her independence… Proud of the liberty of making her own choices. And he loved her so much for that… Because he understood how good it felt to be able to take decisions about your own life…
That choice had been taken away from him on his sixteenth birthday, the moment he had learned he was the Avatar… Since that day, every choice about his life had been made by someone else… The Elder Council first… Then by the world, Roku, and circumstances…
But Katara had conquered her right to make her own choices. In her own culture, women were… Well, second-class citizens. Depending on the men in the family, who took all the decisions… If the women were lucky, a man would include them in the decision-making…
But Katara had hated that, and had taken her life in her own hands, by choosing to come with him… By choosing to fight Pakku and learn waterbending. By choosing to do what she wanted.
And he had just taken that liberty away… Sure, it was for her own good… But would she see it like that? No… No, that blue glare was enough to let him know that No, she didn't like it. At all.
As Appa landed, the others began to stretch and groan in the saddle, and, looking around, Aang could see the morose looks in everyone's eyes, knowing that they had once more been split up and defeated by the Fire Nation… And that now, they wouldn't have the comfort of the Air Temple to warm them, to clean them and to allow them privacy…
Oh Spirits… How would it go with sleeping arrangements tonight? They had managed to take some tents with them, but not enough… And the airbender guessed that it would mean he would sleep on Appa tonight… Alone.
Katara didn't look at him while she stood up and let herself slide down the side of the bison, or when she began to march off towards a flat space that would probably serve as their campsite. Momo, chittering angrily, flew after her.
"You're screwed, you do realize that, don't you?" Sokka sighed from the saddle, where he stood watching him.
"Oh yes… yes, I do…" Aang groaned, closing his eyes. He let himself slide off Appa's head, cushioning his fall to the ground by bending an air cushion underneath him. When he hit the ground, however, he lay down.
"At least we know who the top in the bedroom is…" Toph's voice spoke lightly, but Aang heard the slight concern in her tone.
"Not helping Toph." Suki spoke from above him, probably still on Appa's saddle.
"Ehm… Why is she angry? I didn't see… And I didn't dare ask…" Zuko's voice came from his right, lower, so the firebender had probably already come down from the bison.
"Katara hates your sister, wants nothing more than to kill her with her own two hands. And she had the brilliant idea of trying it while she was surrounded by hundreds of soldiers. Aang dragged her away from the fight and kind off threw her on Appa." The water tribe boy explained. The airbender opened his eyes to be met by the vast nothingness of the blue sky above him.
"Well… That is not too bad, is it? Why is she angry?" Aang turned his eyes towards the sound of Zuko's voice, and saw the prince stand not even two feet away from him, with a confused frown. A part of his tunic was burned, and there was an angry red burn over his arm, that looked painful. Would they even be able to convince Katara to take a look?
"Because Sugar Queen swore to kill Azula. And she hates it when we take the choice away from her. If someone kills your sister, it will be her." The blind earthbender explained.
"She'll have to get in line. I have some things to settle with Azula too." Zuko muttered darkly, which surprised Aang, and made him forget, for just a moment, his own problems.
"You want to kill your own sister?" He asked. It shouldn't surprise him, because the prince had been quite clear about his feelings towards his family. He had bluntly stated that in order to save the Fire Nation from itself, Ozai, his father, had to die. But Azula?
"She probably killed Mai. And perhaps even Ty Lee. And… For that, she'll pay."
Aang sighed. All this death and destruction, family against family… Was it all worth it? Was so much tragedy really worth all the trouble? He himself had lost everything… But was he here, swearing pure vengeance against the people who did it? No.
Well... That was not exactly true. They had lived in the temple for nearly two weeks… And it had been rough. There had been times where he had been angry with the Fire Nation. Angry for what they had done to the place where Jinora had lived… and had died, probably.
They had not found a trace of her, but that was perhaps for the best… What would he have done if they had actually found her? Blown up the temple in rage and sadness, most likely…
Groaning, the airbender stood up, stretched, and cast a glance to where Katara was now standing. The flat surface next to the cliff was actually perfect for a campsite… There was a small stream not too far, and the woods on the one side and the cliff on the other ensured that they wouldn't be able to be snuck up on…
But he didn't care about that.
"Guys… Could you unsaddle Appa? And get the bags? I… I'll go talk to her…" He whispered, but the confirming nods made it clear they had heard him. Inhaling softly, trying not to make his knees buckle, Aang began to walk towards the waterbender. He walked as loudly as possible, she that she would be able to hear him coming… And could decide if she wanted to talk to him or not.
She didn't move.
Was that a good sign? Or… a sign that he was in for the shouting match of his life?
Probably the second option…
"Katara?" He chose not to use any of the other things he called her, for his own safety.
"This will do fine." She spoke, as if she hadn't heard him. Aang observed the hard edge in her voice and bit his lower lip. She always sounded like that when she was angry…
"Katara, I… I didn't mean to make you angry… I just thought… You know, with what A-Azula had said… I wouldn't be a good idea to do that." That made sense… Right? The princess had threatened to fund the military campaign against the Water Tribe… Through Katara. He knew what that meant. And no. No way he would even entertain that dark thought. It wasn't going to happen.
"I will set my tent up by the cliff."
My tent. Not our tent.
Aang sighed. He was being given the cold shoulder, wasn't he? Being ignored as if he was no more than some annoying insect buzzing around her.
"You know why I did it. I know you are not afraid of her, but I am! I am so afraid something will happen…" That was the truth! He wasn't afraid for himself, or for the fight against the Fire Lord that would decide the fate of the four nations… No, he was terrified of the idea of losing Katara.
Her blue eyes met his for just an instance, and the cold demeanour disappeared for a second, and Aang saw the pure rage in those beautiful blue eyes.
Monkeyfeathers…
"Not afraid? Only a fool isn't scared of Azula. Are you calling me a fool?" She asked in a soft voice. The airbender didn't like that. Katara normally shouted when she was angry… But this? This utterly frightened him to the core of his being. She was beyond angry…
"Never! I just… I mean… I know what she did, and why you want her dead… But you couldn't have won that battle…" There. That was the truth.
"Oh… I could have."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Katara sounded enraged now. The quiet, cold rage he had seen just once. That raw anger and pain she felt deep inside her, hidden from the world. The pain he had witnessed after… After Hama.
"Tara…" He began, but she cut him off.
"No. No Tara. You took my choice away!" The waterbender screamed, and Aang took an involuntary step backwards, seeing how her eyes burned with anger. Behind him, the soft rustling of bags and tents being unloaded from the saddle stopped.
"You talk about free choice, every day! That the monks took it away from you! That bitch nearly took away our future! She killed you, in cold blood! And yet, you don't see the need to end that ash eater?"
That took him aback. Sure, the airbender had heard her use that insult several times… But not since arriving at the Fire Nation and seeing how people lived here, oppressed by a regime that they had no choice but to support.
"You know why I did that!" He answered.
"Oh yes, because I can't defend myself!" She screamed back. Momo, who had been sitting on the ground close to the waterbender began to crawl away, into the shadows.
"I never said that!" He could feel a slight irritation building up inside of him. He had always, always, been supportive of her willingness to fight, and had never even dreamt of going against her wishes! Until today, that, he knew! But today had been for her own good!
"Oh no, you didn't! But your eyes, following my every move, spoke plenty!" She didn't scream this sentence, but merely scoffed it. And Aang didn't know what he preferred.
"I worry, alright? That doesn't mean… Katara, you worry too. We discussed this… It is not like we don't know the dangers that we pose to each other…" Because, deep down… That was the problem, wasn't it?
They had tried to ignore it, but the fundamental problem was two things : That he worried about what Azula had threatened to do, and Katara worried what it would mean if she was used as that bargaining chip.
They… They just worried about each other. Nothing more.
"And yet, you didn't want me to remove the one that is the source of nearly all our problems!" Katara seethed.
"Killing her won't change a thing! If she can't make good on her threats, someone else will! What would killing her change, tell me!" He answered, feeling that irritation from a few moments before coming back.
"Oh, first of all, it would be so good to kill her!" Katara grinned. But not that sweet, beautiful smile he was so fond of… No, this was just evil…
"So, this is just about revenge? Revenge for killing me? Katara, you know I don't want that!" The airbender shouted, surprising himself by the force of his answer. And apparently, surprising her too, because for an instance, the waterbender looked startled. As if she hadn't thought about the possibility of him shouting back. But her rageful expression came back in force.
"For what she did! She didn't only kill you, she killed a part of us all! You think so little of yourself that you don't realize that what is holding us all together is you? She killed our innocence!" Katara screamed, and behind him, Aang heard a groan that sounded a lot like Sokka.
"Where are the carefree days, the days we used to spend just being ourselves? Gone! The moment she hit you in Ba Sing Se, those days were gone! Since then, we didn't even catch a break! Healing you, hiding in the Fire Nation, and then, the temple! That is what she did Aang!"
The waterbender threw her hands in the air, a gesture he knew all too well, when she was exasperated by a situation
And… Well, Aang didn't have an answer for her… Sure, he could say those days would come back, after the war, and that they would have a long life to repair the damage of these few months… But that would be a lie.
Not a lie… Rather, speculation. Who knew how long the war would last? It could be over in two weeks, before the comet… But it could last years… decennia… So, promising her everything would be alright was a lie.
And after the fiasco with the map all those months ago… He had sworn not to lie to her. No more.
"Katara, I know… And I'm sorry if what I did hurt you… But we have to make sur-"
"Everything after the word but is ostrich horse shit! You are not sorry for stopping me!" The waterbender spoke harshly, before turning around and beginning to walk away, towards the stream. Aang cast a look over his shoulder, seeing the others huddled together close to Appa's head.
How did you make it even worse? Sokka mouthed the question, and Aang raised his shoulders for an instance, trying to show that he didn't understand it either.
Quickly moving back towards the waterbender, the airbender took a few steps and joined her at the stream. The water looked… Well, as if it was nearly freezing. But it was warm…
"I'm not sorry for stopping you." He said, looking at the water. As he watched it, the liquid froze.
"I know." Katara growled.
"But I am sorry for hurting your feelings in the process…" Aang didn't know what was worse… The ice cold tone of her voice, or the fact that he didn't exactly know what he was apologizing for. He knew that taking away her choice had hurt her… But what was he supposed to have done? Just let her charge Azula, who had been backed up by a small army of firebenders?
"I hate it when people impose their will on me. You know that." She sounded… nearly reasonable?
"I know… But what was I supposed to do Katara?" He didn't have the answer… So why not just ask her?
"Let me do what I think is right perhaps?" The tone in her voice changed once more, back to the cold manner he dreaded so much.
"Tara… You are in terrible danger! And I don't think attacking the one who has threatened to do so will change that…" He sighed, looking up at her. Her eyes were fixed on the tree line, but he could see the hard look in her blue eyes. Eyes that looked as if she was trying very hard not to explode from anger…
"Isn't that my choice? If I want to kill her and suffer the consequences, that is my choice Aang!" Katara answered, anger seeping into the cold tone.
Thread very carefully… Don't say the wrong thing…
"I… I just think that a battle isn't the place of life-changing decisions…" He spoke softly.
Ding-dong, your picked wrong.
"You think I haven't thought it through? How stupid do you think I am? I dreamt of killing her, every night. Every night when we slept next to each other, I knew it were stolen moments. Because as long as she is alive, you are in danger! She has already proven once that she won't shrink away from killing you!" Katara's voice was low, and thick with emotions Aang couldn't place exactly.
He sighed, also looking at the tree line in front of them. Should he… Should he hold her? Was that the emotion she tried to convey? That she needed support?
Should he… Just… try?
He moved his hand a bit, towards her fingers, hanging limply next to her legs. That wasn't too much, was it?
"Katara, you are in danger too… I… I d-don't want to lose you… You are far more important than I am." He whispered, concentrating on etching closer and closer with his hand towards hers.
"No one is more important than you. You have to end it. And if killing Azula will make it easier than I'll gladly do that. Not just for revenge." Katara crossed her arms, ending Aang's hope to take her hand into his fingers. He sighed, letting it drop back to his side.
"So there is some revenge in there." The airbender spoke, trying very hard not to scream out his frustration at the situation.
"Oh yes…" Katara said vengefully, "There is. Lots of it. Hurting the people who hurt me? Oh yes. That is good too."
During your coma, Katara was in a lot of emotional pain. The first few days, she wanted to kill Azula. Maybe she still does. Katara is good at hiding some emotions under a mantle of care and kindness. But don't mistake that for forgiveness. She can be vengeful, and very patient if she wants.
Sokka's words from the night after Hama's attack drifted through his mind… And he began to fear that he was seeing something that was close to how she had been at that moment. Angry and afraid…
Aang, she is slipping in more ways than one.
Was this… Was this what his friend had meant when they had been speaking about Katara during that night?
"Revenge will not bring the things back that are gone Katara…" He spoke softly, hoping it would be clear that revenge was not a medicine to the hurt she had been feeling… or was feeling at this very moment.
"Mph." The waterbender didn't really answer his statement… And he knew he was right! Otherwise… Well, if revenge brought back the things that were gone from his life… How many years of revenge would it take to bring back the Air Nomads? Kuzon? The world as he had known it? Jinora?
It would probably take ninety-nine years and fifty weeks.
Because it wasn't possible…
Revenge was not an option. Only forgiveness…
Without another word, Katara turned around and walked back to the place where they were going to set up camp. Aang didn't know what he could do… Should he follow her once more, continue this discussion that was clearly leading nowhere? Or… Or should he stay her, just for a moment?
He chose to stay. Staring into the water of the stream, he counted the minutes that went by.
He had always been taught that retaliation was an act of cowardice, and that forgiveness was the weapon of the strong. But… What if… What if the monks were wrong? He was not that naive. Aang knew that his people had their flaws, and their faults. That they weren't perfect in any sense… But they had seemed so different from the other people of the world. From the philosophy of the rest of the world.
He had always admired the fact that his people didn't involve themselves in the petty squabbles of the other nations. But now, as he was thrust right into the biggest conflict mankind had ever known? His principles and the teachings of the Air Nomads… Seemed out of place. Had the world changed so much that compassion and forgiveness were no longer an option?
And Katara had always been compassionate… and kind.
Spirits, that was the thing that had drawn him to her at first! And what had made him fall in love with her! Utterly and totally! And he loved the things other people could see as flaws… Her stubbornness and hot headedness. He didn't see them as faults, but as something so Katara that he couldn't separate that and the kindness.
But Sokka was right. Underneath all that kindness and compassion, hid a scared and scarred person who had lost everything important to her due to the war. And… And if they weren't careful, it could consume her.
"Hey… You have been standing her for an hour." Suddenly, a female voice interrupted his thoughts. Looking up, he sighed as he saw the small form of Suki. He had… He had hoped it would be someone else.
"I know." He turned his eyes back to the water.
"I may be wrong… But you look like you could use some advice." The Kyoshi Warrior came to stand beside him, where the waterbender had stood before.
"I do… But no one can help me with this…" It would take too long to explain…
"I can try. Let me guess: You are afraid that Katara will be a victim of this war, and she is worried that your feelings will be used against you. Am I very far off?"
The airbender turned his eyes towards the auburn-haired girl, mouth open. How… How had she assessed the situation that quickly?"
"And your desire to protect her is causing problems with her wish to stop the people who have caused this mess?"
Aang blinked, confused. How the monkeyfeathers had Suki guessed so much?
He nodded.
"Aang… I have no idea where your relationship is at… But maybe, take a step backwards? The few days I spend in your company, you two were attached at the hips, not letting the other out of your sight… Could it be that you both lost sight of the bigger picture?"
The… Bigger… Picture?
"Maybe…" He answered, not too convinced.
"I mean, let her do her own thing, without constant interference because you are afraid of something that will likely not happen. Just for a day or so. It could help." Suki put a hand on his shoulder.
"But I'm not wrong! If she… if she…"
"I never said you are wrong. But some space, so you can both clear your heads, and regain vision of the bigger picture. We need to defeat the Fire Lord before a certain Comet that is coming in two weeks if Sokka is to be believed. Relationship drama can wait until after." She smiled, before padding his shoulder and walking back to where a campfire was being built.
Drama? DRAMA?
This wasn't drama! This was life or death!
But…
But Suki was right. Perhaps… Perhaps calming down, and discussing it at a later date couldn't hurt? Maybe tomorrow, after a good night of sleep? Yeah… That could help!
Aang sighed, turned his back to the stream and walked towards where the others were sitting. As he entered the campsite, the airbender noticed that Katara wasn't there. Inhaling and exhaling, he did what Suki had suggested. Taking a step backwards, and focusing on other things. That could perhaps help.
Because, honestly… What could happen in one night?