A/N. I think this is a good conclusion to the angst part. After this, I think I'll have some lighter chapters, during their time on Ember Island, before going down the part I have planned.
I hope their conversation is alright! I hesitated, but this seems more realistic.
When she opened her eyes, the only thing she saw was the sun, high up in the sky.
How long… how long had she been out? The last thing she remembered was falling down after… After refusing to kill that man.
Katara had wanted, with all her heart… But the moment she had everything she had wanted, to kill him, end him, do what he had done to her mother… Katara had realized that it was the exact opposite of what her mother would have wanted.
Her mother would have said it was no use to sacrifice yourself for what was already gone, and that you had to concentrate on what was now. Once, her mother had said that between the past and the future, you always had to choose the future, however painful it was… And the moment that man had lain in front of her, ready to die… Katara had realized what her mother had meant.
That the past should be laid to rest, in favour of the future. And how could she live with herself if she did this? To take up justice by herself? No… No. There was a better way. To win this war. To show the people responsible for her death what they had done. To have to satisfaction of serving real justice over and over again, towards the people that had suffered.
To give them a real sense of justice… Not the twisted one the world had grown so used to. That a murder was only resolved by another murder…
So, she chose the future.
She chose the words Aang had uttered after what happened with Hama, a month ago… Everyone would be evil, the moment they bend something, or take up a sword. Does it make us evil? No. Our choices make us evil.
Katara had felt evil at the moment her ice spikes flew towards her mother's murderer. Evil that she was doing the same thing as the Fire Nation had been doing for more than a century. Killing someone for her own selfish needs.
Hearing the soft waves crashing against… probably a beach, Katara sat up.
She lay next to a pier, one that was creaking and leaning precariously towards the right under the weight of Appa. Seeing the bison, she smiled softly. He had never complained about the constant flying, and had brought them silently from one destination to the next these two days… But the rest of her environment was totally foreign to her.
Turning around, the waterbender saw that the sandy beach led to a large granite plateau, on which a large villa was build. It looked rich, but at the same time, as if it could be a comfortable home. But she also saw the cracks in the paint off the walls, the missing tiles on the roofs, a door hanging crookedly in its hinges… It looked abandoned.
"You're awake, thank Agni. I thought you had decided to die on me. How do you imagine I would explain that to the others?" A raspy voice came from the right, and, turning around, she saw Zuko sitting on the sand, once more in his red and gold tunic and trousers. He looked like shit.
"How long was I out?" She asked, trying to stand up, but her head spun as soon as she got up, and Katara fell back into the sand.
"A few hours. It is midafternoon." The prince answered, handing her a basket filled with fruit, "Eat. You haven't eaten anything since leaving the others."
She took the basket gratefully, even though it felt weird, not being angry towards Zuko… Maybe it was just the exhaustion… But Katara didn't feel angry towards him anymore. How could she? He had clearly done everything their deal had asked of him, and… And well, he hadn't betrayed her while she was unconscious. He hadn't delivered her to the Fire Nation… Although that would ensure his nation's victory in the war.
Picking a moonpeach out of the basket, she bit into it. As she was munching on the fruit, Zuko spoke up.
"I will go pick the others…. They are not far actually. An hour flight to get there, and one to get back. But Appa needed the rest I thought." He explained, and, swallowing the first bite of peach, Katara nodded.
"He can go for a long time… But once his energy runs out, he falls asleep during the flight. Trust me, no fun." She spoke, remembering how the bison had fallen asleep in the Earth Kingdom during their escape from Azula's pursuit.
"I gathered…" Zuko sounded uncertain, as if he wasn't too sure what to make from her rather normal attitude towards him.
"Where are we?" She asked. Katara didn't now the island, and was not quite sure what to make of the ruined villa behind her.
"Ember Island. It is a sort of resort for the wealthy. Every important clan of family has a summer house here… And the grandest of them all.." The prince waved his hand behind him, towards the building, "The grandest was the one of the Yu Hui clan. The Fire Nation Royal Family."
Ah… So, this was Zuko family home? Having seen the Royal Palace, Katara could imagine it wasn't the most welcoming place in the Nations, and that the family had built something more private… here, apparently.
"It is unused by my family since… Since some years. Ozai and Azula hate this place, and will never think to look for us here. The place is fenced off, so no one can enter, except by swimming over. And that is not that easy. So… I thought it would be a good place."
She could only agree… And it was a slap in the face of the Royal Family, which made it even sweeter.
"Alright." She nodded.
"I'm going to get the others… Do you need anything before I go?" Zuko inquired as he stood up.
"No… Zuko?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you." She spoke, and honestly, had thought it would disgust her saying it, but… Well, it felt normal. As if she thanked Toph for something.
The firebender's eyes widened a bit, but he recuperated quite quickly, nodding and walking off towards Appa. Katara ate her fruit as the bison flew off in a northwestern direction. So, they were towards the eastern part of the Fire Nation… Katara sighed, grateful that he had not brought anything up from what had happened… She didn't know what she could say about it. At least… not to him. She knew who she needed now.
She had not known about Ember Island, but it sounded… Well, something like the Fire Nation would come up with. The wealth they stole from the other nations had to be used for something, no? So, a debauched island purely for the rich sounded very likely. It sounded… Like a place she would hate. But she had learned from her travels not to judge before she had seen it.
Standing up once more, the world still looked a bit spiny, but she managed to walk a few steps without falling down. As she walked towards the stone plateau, Katara saw her bag stand at the beginning of the pier. Her dress was in it, and taking the bag in her right hand, she began to walk up the path towards the house.
Approaching it, she was surprised to see that only the foundation was made of stone, and the tha the rest was wood painted white… It was a beautiful building, spacious and probably a comfortable place. As she stood next to the door, Katara peeked inside through the crack.
The room she could see was a large open space, littered by papers, small objects and other trivial things. It looked like some teenagers had used the place to build their own party and had thoroughly trashed the room. Pushing the door in, she managed to step inside. The room was richly decorated, but at the same time, gave an impression of home. It was weird.
As is they had tried to make a real home, but at the same time, show off their wealth.
There was a chair, fallen on its side. As she pulled it up, Katara head began to spin once more, so she quickly sat down in it as soon as it four feet stood securely on the hard wooden floor.
As soon as her back hit the soft cushions of the chair, she sighed, letting her eyes close.
It had been… Spirits, an eventful thirty hours. Most of it had been spent going from one destination to the next… but she remembered the things she had done. And to be honest… the waterbender was not very proud of it.
She was a monster. At least, of that, she was certain now. She had wanted to kill people who had perhaps not even done anything wrong… in the communication tower, they had done things… Then again, on the ship, she had… Well, she had done something she needed to discuss with someone… Someone who didn't judge…
Aang…
And then, with Yon Rha… Oh, she had hated the man from the moment she had seen him. She had known the moment he had opened his mouth, to talk of such mundane things as going to a tavern… Katara had hated every fibre of his being. And yet, she had not killed him, because her mother would have hated the person she was becoming.
And Aang… Not that he was able to hate anyone apparently… He would have disliked it too.
The chair was so, so very comfortable…
"Sugar Queen!" The chair nearly fell to its side once more when it was hit by something that Katara wasn't too sure. Was it a rock? A small animal?
Oh no… both.
Toph.
Groaning, she opened her eyes once more. The chair had really been too nice, and she had apparently fallen asleep. Rubbing her eyes, she saw that the orange light of a setting sun was now visible in the room, coming through the high windows on the north side of the building.
And, against that glorious sight of the setting sun, stood the small earthbender.
"Hey Toph…" She managed to straighten into the chair.
"Are you alright?" The blind girl asked… With surprising kindness, something Katara had not expected from the girl.
"Yeah… I am." She smiled tiredly at Toph, who stepped out of the light, towards her.
"Good. Zuko didn't tell us shit about what happened…" The earthbender offered a hand, and the waterbender gladly took it, being pulled up. Although Toph was easily a head shorter than her, she did it without apparent struggle. Spirits that girl was strong.
"You didn't worry too much?" Katara asked, trying to tease her slightly, but the girl took it seriously.
"No! Not me. But Sokka and Aang were a menace on the way here. What happened? Zuko, tell me or I will throw you off Appa this instance! It was horrible." Toph imitated two people, but she couldn't figure out who was who. Knowing her brother, he had probably threatened the whole murder Zuko thing.
"Where are the other now?" She asked, turning towards the door.
"Fan Girl is unloading Appa with Sokka, and Twinkles and Zuko are somewhere else… Can't feel them through this wood…" Toph complained, and Katara began to walk to the door. Through it, she heard the soft bellow of the bison and an irritated response from her brother, but she couldn't make out the words. Pushing the door open, she saw Appa stand a few yards away, blowing air at her brother for whatever reason while Momo sat on one of his horns, shaking his little paw.
"Seriously, one of these days… I'll regret not eating you when I had the change Momo." Her brother grumbled, but as he turned around and saw her, his eyes widened.
"Sis!" The bags he had been carrying fell to the ground and he took a few steps, coming to stand beside her, "How… Is everything alright?"
This was going to be a thing, wasn't it?
"Everything is okay Sokka." She padded her brother's shoulder, sighing tiredly. Over his shoulder, Katara saw Suki smile at her with a knowing smile. And Katara was glad that the Kyoshi Warrior didn't ask more questions.
"Did… Did you find him?" Sokka whispered, and she heard the anger in his voice.
"Yeah… we did. Pathetic little man… but I didn't kill him." She didn't feel like explaining everything… yet. Of course, she was going to explain to her brother what happened… but first, she needed to tell the whole story to Aang… the one who wouldn't judge anything she had done…
"Oh… Good. We'll… We'll see what to do with him… After." Sokka suggested hesitantly.
She could only nod.
"Where is Aang?" She turned her attention to Suki, who smiled once more at her.
"At that pier with Zuko." The auburn-haired girl pointed down the path, and, looking past Appa, Katara saw the tall figure of Aang, in his orange and saffron tunic, standing next to Zuko. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw that the airbender pointed a finger at the prince, in an accusing way. Spirits…
Walking over the path towards the pier, she could hear the sounds of irritated voices as soon as she approached it.
"… Are you crazy? Ember Island? This place is literally a danger at every corner!" Aang's voice drifted over the dock.
"What do you mean? Sure, the season is in full swing, but with the parents away, most of the inhabitants are crazed up teens!" Zuko objected.
"Teens? What are you talking about? Ember Island is known for its smugglers!" The airbender spoke up.
"Well, Grandpa, it isn't now! You are standing on the richest island of the Fire Nation! The rich have their summer homes here!"
She rolled her eyes at the insult, for it wasn't necessary.
"He isn't that old." She interjected, defending Aang, for she knew the airbender would just have let the insult slide.
Aang turned around, and the look in his eyes shocked her. The silver-grey orbs looked harrowed, as if he hadn't slept in ages. Dark shadows could be seen underneath them, and he looked wretched.
"Tara…" He sighed, as if the worries just left him.
"Hey…" She felt a bit embarrassed. Last time they had spoken… They hadn't left on good terms. Spirits, who was she kidding? They had fought, their first real fight since… Well, ever. The first time both of them had been irritated and angry enough to not let it go.
"Spirits, are you alright?" The slight irritation she had felt when Toph and Sokka had asked didn't appear now, and she just nodded.
"I'll… ehm… I'll go check the house. There are surely some bedrooms still in a good state." Zuko tried to walk past her, but she stopped him, putting a hand on the firebender's arm.
"Thank you… once again. You are not as bad as I thought." She felt her lips turn up slightly. Forgiveness... Well, it wasn't her strong suit, that, Katara knew. But this felt right. At least, Zuko had tried to make up for past mistakes… Something that Yon Rha had not shown. No… He had only shown cowardness.
"Oh… ehm… You're… welcome?" the prince seemed startled, as if he couldn't believe the fact she was thanking him. Casting a look towards Aang, the waterbender saw him stare with parted lips, surprised at this turn of events.
Zuko seemed to realize that this moment was becoming slightly awkward, shrugged her hand off his arm and quickly went towards the house. The moment he set foot on the stony path leading to the building, she saw, from the corner of her eye, that the airbender was moving slowly towards her.
"Hey… Katara, I am so, so very sorry… I…" He began, but she turned to him instantly.
"What? But… I am sorry! You have… You have nothing to be sorry about!" It wasn't exactly true… She had hated the fact he had taken her choice away in the Air Temple when they had fought Azula… But she understood. It was something both of them were afraid of, and he had done it to protect her, of course.
So, she understood.
"I do." He sighed, keeping a respectable distance away from her. And Katara didn't like that fact… honestly, she needed his arms around her, to assure herself that everything was going to be alright.
"I… I didn't take your own worries into consideration… I only saw how our problems effected me… And didn't think twice about how you felt about them." As he was speaking the airbender put a hand in his neck, and kept looking at the ground. Katara's heart swelled at the sight. She knew he only did that, without even noticing it himself, when he was ashamed or embarrassed…
"We worried about the same things my love…" She answered quietly, taking a step forward.
"Still. I never stopped to as how you felt about them… And swept away your worries about Zuko… And… And didn't let you do what you thought was right, at the temple… I never, never, intended to upset you, or make you feel I didn't care about your feelings… Because, Tara… I do. Honestly, your feelings are the only ones that matter to me. And I hate the fact that we argued about this…" The rest of what he said was drowned in a stumbling mutter, and Katara couldn't hear what he said.
Taking one last step, so she stood in front of him, just a few inches away, she looked into his eyes, those tired eyes… And saw only regret and love. There was nothing like dishonesty in those silver eyes… He really thought he had made a mistake.
"Aang. I don't care about all that… You know that. We are there for each other when it matters…"
Like now? Like now, she could really use a hug…
As if he sensed her thoughts, Katara felt his long fingers around her left thumb. His fingers slowly caressed her palm, and he didn't say anything… They just stood there. And it was such a relief… To know he didn't care about what had happened… Because he had not asked once what had happened to her mother's murderer… Not once.
She understood. He only cared about one thing. That she was safe, and back with him.
"Do… do you want to sit… Just for a moment?" She needed to talk to him… And Katara needed him to listen and understand…
He nodded, and, without releasing her hand, they sat down, letting their legs dangle off the pier. The wooden structure didn't creak too loudly as they sat down. Her own feet hung just an inch or so from the water, but Aang's toes touched the water. He released her hand, pulled off his boots so that he could put his feet completely in the water… And quickly wrapped his hand around hers once more.
"So… Do you know what happened?" She began. Maybe Zuko had told Aang before she came to the pier.
"No, Zuko didn't tell." He answered shortly. But he didn't ask what happened.
"Well… I need to tell it to you first. I… I did some bad things." She whispered.
It sounded bad, like that. Like she had gone on a murderous rampage. And… well, that had been the plan, hadn't it?
"First, we went to a communication tower… You know, those we saw some of when we went to the Fire Sage temple, at the solstice?" He nodded.
"There… Well, nothing really happened. I bend some ink over someone, to make them leave the room. We found out… We found out where the Southern Raiders were… The navy squadron that… that…" She didn't finish, for some reason the waterbender couldn't bring herself to say it.
"The navy squadron that came to your village?" He asked softly.
Katara nodded, biting her lip.
"When we knew where they were… we went there." Here came the difficult part… "We made sure Appa was safe in the water next to the ship…"
Inhale. Exhale.
"Then… I made a way through towards the command room. It was the same kind of ship that we took when you… you were in your coma. I know the layout." She whispered.
"Made a way through?" Aang asked gently. Katara knew why he asked. It wasn't out of spite, or vengeful perversion to make her relive the moment… But rather, to give her the opportunity to get what was bothering her off her chest, in a safe environment.
"Threw… threw some soldiers of the bridge. Froze some others to the wall… I don't think they died… At least, I think… But… When we got to the captain…"
This was the really difficult part. The part she was ashamed of.
"I bloodbend again." She managed to whisper, not looking in his eyes. This was the moment she was afraid of telling him. Not because he would judge her… but because she knew he was going to be afraid of her. He had to be. He had said last time that he wasn't afraid of her, but for her… But how true could that be, a second time? Because surely, if it happened twice, in the span of one moon cycle? How horrible that was!
She was a monster! She had to be! It had been a choice this time!
"So?" The airbender whispered back.
"So? So? You… You said, last time… You said that it was something I had to do! To save you and Sokka! This time… this time, I did it for my own reasons!" Katara didn't understand! How was he so calm! He had said that choosing to do evil was what made you a monster! But to do evil because you had no choice was not the act of a monster!
So, she had to be one, by his logic!
"I also said that being capable of evil didn't make you evil. Do you feel evil now?" He asked softly.
She didn't understand! His hand closed more firmly around her fingers, and looking down, Katara saw her hands tremble quite violently.
"But… I… I felt good, doing that to that man… And it wasn't even him!"
"Did you stop when you realized that?"
Had she? No… not really. She had continued until he had given up the information.
"N-no. I… He knew what I needed to know… Where his predecessor was." She also knew what that sounded like. She had tortured the man, for information…
"But do you regret it?" Aang simply asked.
Katara nodded. Tui and La, yes. She hated herself for having gone for that disgusting power once more! It was not like she couldn't have used other methods! Torture had never really been an issue with them… They had used quite rough manners to get information before… Even Aang had done so… But that had been with the sandbenders…
"Then, it is alright, isn't it? I mean… We already knew that it had a dark pull. But next time, I'll be there for you. We will spend the whole full moon somewhere, together." He whispered, bringing her hand to his lips and gently kissing a knuckle.
She tried to smile. It was sweet… But she also knew that next full moon would be after the comet. And… Well, maybe… maybe he couldn't make good on this promise then.
"And believe me, Tara… You don't have the makings of a monster. Bloodbending and Katara are two different things. Perhaps you can't control it, but as long as you regret it afterwards, I won't worry about you. And I know you. You won't become vengeful because of it. Because you hate that power, deep within. Even if it has a strong pull, you are strong enough to see the evil in it."
At that, she smiled. It sounded a lot like her reasoning when she told Aang that the airbender and the Avatar were two separate entities.
"You will stay with me next time?" She asked softly, still not looking at him, but rather at their intertwined fingers.
"Next time… And the time after that. And then, again and again. Each month. No exceptions." He whispered.
"Thank you…" She answered, looking up, and she caught a glance of his eyes. And there was not a single lie in those silver orbs. No… he meant what he said.
"So… If you don't mind… What happened next?" Aang asked. She knew what he was doing. Move on from what had happened, for you couldn't change the past…
"We tracked him down to a small island, Hirtashu… And when I faced him… He thought I was my mother. Some spirit… to come and take revenge." Katara felt tears well up in her eyes. That had hurt her. No way her mother would have been vengeful… Even in death.
"He… He told me… What happened." She managed to say. Aang listened in silence, but she felt his fingers gently grab hers more firmly.
I'm here.
"M-mom… She… He had heard there was a waterbender in the South… And he had been sent to k-kill the bender. To kill m-me…" Oh Tui and La, this part had hurt her so much.
"When h-he asked her… Who it was… She t-told him it w-was h-her."
This time, she felt a sob come up, and before she managed to put in back down, tears streamed over her cheeks.
"She said it was her." Katara spoke, and her voice trembled, "It… it was me he came for… And… Spirits, she…"
She had sacrificed herself for me.
Suddenly, his arms were around her, and Katara pushed her face down against this chest.
"It should have been me!" She screamed against his skin, her voice muffled.
Hands were softly going up and down over her back, trying to calm her.
"I couldn't… I didn't… He killed my mom! And I didn't do the same thing!" The waterbender still screamed against Aang's shoulder, but she didn't care. It was good to let it out at least…
"I hope he rots his life away, drinking himself to death over his misery!" She muttered darkly, not yelling this time. No… He didn't deserve her anger. He only deserved pity, for the worthless piece of shit he was!
"Death would have been too kind! I will not kill such a pathetic little shit to release him from his misery! He will have to live with the knowledge that I know where he is! That I can come whenever I want and end it." She whispered.
"I will never forgive him for taking my mother away from me… But killing him wouldn't change anything. I want him to suffer. Make his life one of misery and despair. That is justice. And after… After the war. I want… I want the criminals to pay for what they did. I'll make sure that those who committed crimes during the war will be known. That they will have to live with their shame, and that their friends and family know what they did!" Katara muttered.
"Tara… My sweet Tara… I'm so sorry… So very sorry." Aang's arms pulled her closer.
"It is alright… I… Tomorrow will be another day… But I'll make another promise. I will not rest until the Fire Nation is defeated. I will not accept anything less than defeat. I won't accept a deal. No. They need to know what they have done to the world."
His lips kissed her forehead, and Katara understood what he meant by that. That was a promise from him. That he would do everything in his power to help her in that endeavour.
Closing her eyes, she let her head rest against his shoulder, letting her tears stream over her face. For her lost, for the world that suffered… and for her mother.
Answers;
Kalaong: Exactly, Aang doesn't really care for Yon Rha, he only worries about Katara, because he is afraid of what a murder in cold blood will do to her. And of course, he isn't going to let that hurt go after one conversation, but I think she would have needed a shoulder to cry on, and a person who would listen without judging her.
Bbacon: I find that writing another pov from time to time helps the story along, and gives me a chance to explore other train of thoughts than just Aang and Katara.
Jjsmith103: Katara is still quite hurt, but only time can heal such wounds… And of course, Zuko has no clue whatsoever what he needs to do with someone this unhinged. And the moment I compared Zuko with Yon Rha, I think he may have thought about what his actions could have led to, if he had killed someone with children. Maybe it opened his eyes even more than they already were. And I hope you found the talk alright!