Chapter 5

They looked over the donors and Olivia watched how excited Amanda was. "Amanda, I really don't want you to have a baby before you finish school." Amanda shrugged, "Ok, but I don't know what the big deal is and if we wait this donor could be gone." Olivia kissed her, "Then it's not meant to be." Amanda hated waiting. "Ok." Olivia narrowed her eyes, "Amanda!" Amanda smiled, "Ok Liv."

A few months passed. A few things changed, Cragen retired and Olivia not only became Lieutenant, but was now in charge of SVU. They made it through Christmas, spoiling Noah with gifts. Amanda got her ring. Lucy was dating Olivia's new Sergeant Mike Dodds. They were getting married in June in front of family and friends and couldn't be happier. Things were perfect.

Amanda was growing impatient, "Liv, lots of people have babies and go to school. Plus we have Lucy. I don't know why you call the shots all the time. You can't stop me!" Olivia narrowed her eyes at Amanda, "I call the shots because I'm older and I know better. You better listen to me!" Amanda frowned, "Is this what our marriage and life will be? You making the choices and decisions? Maybe we should…" Olivia turned, "Maybe we should what?" Amanda thought and walked away, "Nothing."

Olivia was planning a huge party for Amanda's 21st birthday. They had the fight a week ago and for two days Amanda slept on the couch. She was talking to Fin when she got a text. "Olivia, I don't want to be with you or Noah. Find someone that will make you happier." Olivia's face turned white. "Liv what's wrong?" Olivia called only to have it go to voicemail. "Amanda, if this is your idea of a joke it's not funny." Olivia hung up and looked at Fin, "She said she doesn't want to be with me." Fin laughed, "She's messing with you Liv. You know that." Olivia shook her head, "We had a fight Fin. What if…" Fin didn't believe it, "When you get home it will all be a joke. Trust me, it's Amanda." Olivia headed home ready for war. "Mama!" Olivia hugged her big boy. "Hey Luce! Where's Amanda?"

Lucy looked, "I thought she was with you. I met Mike for lunch and she was heading into the precinct. She had lunch for you and Fin. She said it was a forgive me lunch." Olivia froze and then looked at her phone. Lucy came over, "Liv, what's wrong." Olivia shook her head, "She never came and I got this text around 1:00. I tried calling her, but Fin said she was messing with me." Lucy looked at the phone, "Something's wrong, look!" Lucy pointed out that she called her Olivia not Liv, "She's never called you Olivia." Within minutes Olivia had a trace put on her phone, "Dammit!" Noah frowned, "Mama, that's a bad word." She kissed him, "Luce, I never saw it." Fin showed up, "Liv, let's go. We traced the phone."

The squad and backup went immediately. They found themselves outside of a house. "Liv, does this place mean anything?" Olivia shook her head, "No." They went together and had everyone pull back. If she wasn't there, her phone was. They knocked and a lady opened the door. She had a smug look on her face, "What do you want?" Fin did the talking and Olivia just looked. "Yes ma'am, we are talking to people about break ins." Olivia watched the woman. She was bleach blonde with blue eyes. Olivia knew those eyes, she stared into them every night. "Son of a bitch!" They both turned and Olivia pushed her through the door to the floor. "Amanda!"

Fin saw a man run through the house and heard a back door. He called back up and went behind him. Olivia held the lady to the floor, "Where is she!" She gripped her arm and twisted it. "Upstairs!" Back up came and Olivia ran up the stairs screaming her name, "Amanda!" She heard a muffled cry. Amanda was naked and tied to the bed. She had bruises all over her body and tape across her mouth. She was completely out of it. EMT's were behind her. She rode in the ambulance and made sure she was taken care of.

Fin put his arm around her, "Liv, it was…" Olivia stopped him, "Her mother." Fin looked puzzled, "You knew?" Olivia shook her head, "Not until I saw her eyes. She was drugged and beaten. The rape kit was clean." Fin took a deep breath, "Thank God!" Olivia turned to him, "What are they saying?" Fin explained, "The guy ran and pulled a gun. He's dead. She talked some. He was in a relationship with Beth Rollins." Olivia stared at a sleeping Amanda laying in the bed, "Amanda did that write up in People. That's how Beth found her. She just kept saying it wasn't fair. They took her to booking and she hung herself Liv."

Olivia turned to look at him, "Good! How Fin? How do we get over this?" Amanda started thrashing in the bed before he could answer. Olivia ran to her side, "Amanda, it's ok look at me. It's Liv." Olivia saw fear at first, but then calm came over her blue eyes. "I'm right here." Amanda blinked and Olivia saw tears falling. She wiped the tears carefully so as not to hurt her bruised cheeks. Amanda was in the hospital for a week. They wanted the drugs out of her system and they were waiting for her to talk, but she never did. "Dr. Abernathy, how concerned should I be? Amanda hasn't said one word." Olivia worked with Lisa Abernathy on several cases. "A little, but let her get home and back into a routine. Let's keep in touch.

Olivia talked to her and Amanda would only nod or shake her head. They pulled into the garage and took the elevator. She opened the door, "Mommy!" Amanda's eyes got wide and Olivia watched her every move. "Uhhh!" Olivia grabbed Noah, "What did I tell you? Be gentle." Noah frowned, "I'm sorry!" Amanda hugged him. "Mommy, I missed you. I can beat up whoever hurt you." They told Noah that she was in the hospital because someone hurt her. Amanda smiled, "Hi Noah. I missed you too. It's ok mama got them." Olivia smiled at hearing her voice finally even though she was a little jealous that it was Noah and not her.

Lucy hugged her next, "Welcome home!" Amanda didn't speak, she just smiled. Dinner was quiet and Amanda didn't eat much. She heard Lucy and Olivia talking about her as she walked to the bedroom. "Liv, is she ok?" Olivia sighed, "I don't know Luce, but we'll be here when she's ready." Amanda smiled and went to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror, her face healed well. She had a small bruise on her right cheek. She lifted up her shirt, her body was a different story. When Olivia walked in she dropped her shirt. Olivia ran the bath and put in some lavender bath salt, "This will help you." Amanda just looked at her. Olivia walked over, "Are you ever going to talk to me or just Noah?"

Amanda was hurt and embarrassed. So much had happened and she knew Olivia wanted to know. Olivia kissed her cheek, "Ok, whenever you're ready." She went to leave Amanda. She knew from the hospital, she didn't want Olivia to see her body. Amanda grabbed her hand. She locked eyes with her and her breathing was fast, "Stay with me." Olivia stayed and helped her in the tub. She gently washed her back and front. The bruises were better than when she saw her the first day. "Amanda, lay back and soak." Amanda trusted her. She saved her before, maybe if she talked she could save her again.

Olivia helped her in bed and kissed her forehead. She hadn't done that since before they were dating. Amanda knew this would happen. Olivia saw her as a victim and wouldn't want her anymore. Amanda closed her eyes before the tears fell. Around 1:00, Olivia saw Amanda sit straight up in the bed. Amanda didn't move and her body was stiff. Olivia could only hear her heavy breathing. Olivia turned on the light, "Amanda, I'm right here. Do you want to talk to me?" Olivia knew what to do, but she never thought she had to do it with Amanda. "It's just me. I'm going to touch you ok?" Olivia gently rubbed her back and moved to see her face.

They sat like that for 10 minutes. "I was coming to bring you lunch and she stopped me right after I saw Lucy. She was nice to me and hugged me. I couldn't believe it was her. I told her to come in and meet you. I wanted her to know my family." Olivia smiled. "That wasn't her plan though. She called for him. I didn't like him right away. I knew he was bad. They told me to come with them or they would get Noah. So I went. Liv, they knew your name and Noah and Lucy."

Olivia had figured that out after the fact. "I know, baby." Amanda continued, "They took me to the house. She made him beat me like my dad beat her. He punched me and kicked me. It felt like hours. She said I didn't deserve to be happy, because she wasn't." Olivia stroked her hair. "He ripped my clothes off and tied me to the bed. I fought Liv, I did. She held my head back and said it was my turn to get raped. He pulled my legs open and that's when I heard the knock and she stuck me with something. He didn't get the chance to do anything. How did you know where I was?"

Olivia frowned, "I got text from you and it said for me to find someone else. I was so upset and Fin joked that you were messing with me. I'm so sorry Amanda. I missed it. I wasted hours when I should have been looking for you. Lucy saved you, not me." Amanda looked confused. The message used Olivia not Liv. Lucy saw it and then I tracked you." Amanda wiped her tears, "Good, my family didn't give up." Amanda looked at her, "I want you to hold me."

Olivia held her and Amanda fell asleep in her arms. Olivia didn't want to move and wake her so she texted Lucy, who had been staying there since it all happened. "Can you get him dressed and to school? She's finally asleep." Olivia saw the dots, "Already on it and we are staying quiet." Amanda slept and finally woke up around 10:00. She looked into Olivia's brown eyes and kissed her lips, but when she tried to climb on top of her Olivia stopped her. "What the fuck Liv? You don't want me anymore. Nothing fucking happened." Amanda got up and slammed the bathroom door.

Olivia wanted her, but she wanted her to be ok first and Amanda wasn't. Olivia knocked, "Amanda, please open the door." Amanda unlocked the door, but didn't open it. Olivia walked in slowly, "Amanda?" She saw her sitting with her knees to her chest and her head down. Olivia kneeled in front of her, "I want you, but I won't let you replace sex for talking. You're hurting." Amanda looked up with tears falling. "You haven't even kissed since..." Olivia held her face gently, "I know, but it's not because I don't love you. I just want you to talk to Dr. Abernathy and let's see where we are." Amanda rolled her eyes, "Sure, I have to do this your way right?"

Amanda and Olivia went to the hospital to see Dr. Abernathy a few days later. "Lisa, it's been a struggle." Lisa knew it would be, "Is she talking?" Olivia explained the nightmare the first night and she talked, but since then it was cursing. "She's rude and unless it's Noah, it's cursing and yelling." Olivia didn't know how much she should say, "She's also wants sex and is pissed that she isn't getting it." Dr. Abernathy went to see Amanda, "Well, you're looking better. How do you feel?" Amanda rolled her eyes, "How the fuck do you think?"

Dr. Abernathy closed her notebook and sat back, "Amanda, I'm a doctor and Olivia is a SVU Lieutenant. Do you think we don't know what this is? You're angry. What mother would do something like this to her daughter? To her daughter that has been through hell and didn't even know it." Amanda looked up, "I read your file. You need to talk to me." Amanda had always shut down. She thought about her life and how it had changed since meeting Olivia. "What happened to me sucked, but it could have been worse. I've been beaten before in foster care." Lisa listened, "Is that why you turned it down at 18?"

Amanda hadn't told anyone any of this except Casey. "Are you going to tell Liv?" Lisa smiled, "No. If you want me to, I will or you could tell her yourself." Amanda shifted in her seat, "I've been really mean to her. On purpose." Lisa sighed because the conversation was everywhere, but she knew Amanda was trying to say something. Amanda went through the whole story of meeting her and how their relationship evolved. "I just want Liv to treat me the same, be tough with me." Lisa asked, "Do you want her in here while we talk?" Amanda just nodded. "I'll be back." Lisa opened the door and got Olivia, "She wants you in there. You know this incident could break people, but I think Amanda was broken way before and she needs your attention. I think that's what all this is."

Olivia walked in behind Lisa. "So Amanda you were beaten in foster care, is that why you turned it down at 18 and went on your own?" Amanda shook her head, "I left because my foster dad said at 18 I was an adult and he was going to treat me like one." Amanda didn't look at Olivia once. "I figured I was better off. Ms. Cabot and Ms. Jeffries found out and I stayed with them for a while. They were tough on me and I left. Then I met Olivia." Lisa stopped her, "Wasn't she tough on you?" Amanda smiled, "Yeah and I liked it. I liked her."

Lisa smiled, "You've been upset with her. Do you still like her?" Amanda finally looked at her, "No I love her. I have for over a year. I'm ok Liv. It didn't break me, but I need you to be the same like before all this. If you can't, that may break me." Olivia kissed her, "I'm sorry baby. I love you." They went home and Amanda seemed better. She still wasn't eating much. Olivia leaned in her ear, "Eat! You will need it tonight." Amanda finished her plate and they put Noah down. They were kissing and before they could get hot and heavy Olivia's phone rang, "Sorry cost of being in charge."

Amanda took her shower and fell back on the bed. She felt Olivia climb on top of her, "Is this going to be a temper tantrum?" Amanda smiled, "Will it get me a spanking?" Olivia smiled, "Yep!" Olivia went to smack her ass, but Amanda flipped her, "Too slow Lieutenant!" Amanda pulled off her shirt and placed Olivia's hands on her petite breasts. She unbuckled Olivia's belt and pushed her hand down the front of her panties. "Mmmm Amanda!" Amanda rubbed and Olivia squeezed. She squeezed harder as Amanda inserted one finger then two. Olivia rocked with her motion and pinched her nipples when she came hard, "Fuck!"

Amanda pulled out her hand and licked her fingers, "You taste so fucking good." Olivia knew what Amanda was doing. She sat up and turned Amanda around so she was on her front. She pulled her knees up and smacked her ass hard, "Your mouth!" Olivia leaned across her back and whispered don't move. She walked across the room naked and Amanda smiled when she saw Olivia with a strap on. Olivia stood behind her and was still unsure. She didn't want to hesitate because Amanda could tell, so instead she rested it on her back, "You know you've been bad and don't deserve this, but I'll cut you some slack."

Olivia smacked her ass and pushed all the way in, "Fuck!" Olivia stayed still and finally felt Amanda push back. Olivia put one hand on her shoulder and used the other to reach around to massage her front. "Mmmm Liv! Ahhhh. This is what I…" Olivia leaned forward and cradled her. "Needed." Olivia gripped her waist. "Harder Liv! Faster!" Olivia was pounding her until she came hard. Olivia came watching her body shake while still inside her. They laid together and Olivia circled her finger around the lonely bruised area left. "Liv, can we just get married now, tomorrow?" Olivia smiled, "Yes!"

Olivia saw too much happen and didn't want to wait either. They decided to tie the knot and have the party later as planned. "Are you happy?" Amanda turned in her arms, "Yes! I have you and Noah." Amanda returned to school and finished the semester. She turned 21 and had a huge party. They also had their wedding party. Things were back to normal after the trauma.

Olivia looked at the clock, she had called her four times without any answer. Olivia was mad and frightened. When she heard the door she tried to act normal. "Mommy! You're late and we already ate." Amanda rubbed his hair, "Sorry big boy. I bought ice cream." Noah smiled, "I'll have some, but you have to eat first. Mama's rules." Olivia giggled listening to him. Olivia stood up, "One scoop then bed." Amanda swallowed hard. She knew Olivia had called her and she was too scared to call her back. "Hi." Olivia saw fear and she just kissed her, "You hungry." Amanda nodded.

Olivia heated her food and watched both of them eat. She didn't press her. Amanda snuggled up beside her and held her. "I went to the clinic today. I was on the table." Olivia wasn't mad, "Did you do it?" Amanda looked up, "You aren't mad?" Olivia shook her head, "I'm not. I've been thinking about it, but you know I wanted you to finish school. But life Amanda happens so fast. I just would have liked to be there with you when our baby was made." Amanda put her head across her chest, "That's why I didn't do it."

They made a new appointment together and we're over the moon when they found out they were having twins. Olivia sat behind Amanda and rubbed lotion all over her belly. "Mmmm Liv, that feels better than sex." Olivia laughed, "That's because you're cut off, but I'm not." Amanda wasn't to have sex, but Olivia was living the life. "Can you believe Noah is six? Liv, he was three when I met him." Olivia smiled, "Yeah and loved you immediately."

Amanda gave birth to twin girls with Olivia and Casey by her side. Alex, Monique, Fin, and Melinda came later. "Alex! Mo! I'm a big brother times 2." Noah pointed to his shirt. Casey held one and Olivia held the other. Melinda smiled, "I'm the pediatrician right?" Everyone laughed, "Of course." Fin asked, "What are the names?" Amanda looked at Olivia. "Well, Casey is holding Billie Grace Benson and I'm holding Jesse Olivia Benson." After everyone left Olivia sat with Amanda, Noah, and the girls. Noah fell asleep at Amanda's side and both girls were sleeping. "Amanda, I'm so happy. Our family is amazing and so are you."

Amanda finished school and went to work for People Magazine. She worked with them on a family section that showcased 10 foster children available each week. They ran the page continuously called "We Could All Use Some Help". At the end of the day she went home to her family.