All's Fair

Deep, Deep, Deep Within

Patience, patience, must have patience.

No. Kill them all. Tear their minds to ribbons and picks the bits off with our teeth. Kill the-

Enough. No. That sort of thinking is what got me into this mess in the first place. For now, patience.

So hard though. And so tired of waiting. Already we've waited for an eternity, trapped behind my own mind. Unable to control, unable to even influence, and unable to kill. And before that I waited for so long…or was that me? It's so hard to tell anymore, who is who is who is who…Everyone's minds are breaking into pieces, and the pieces are taking on lives of their own. So hard to keep track.

But for now, I must wait, once again hiding within myself. Stupid, so stupid. I (we?) had a chance and I blew it. Damned (literally, if I have my way) girl. Out of all the times for her to slip from my control…

And now, I sit and wait, watching the freak and the shell run around and try to stay alive. Pointless, really. They have the power to remove all the threats to their (our?) survival, and instead they choose to hole up like a damned badger. If only I could make them listen, I could-

Pull out their hearts right up through their throats, tear their lungs from their chests and make them watch as I squeeze the breath of life from their-

Yeah, I think not. Suicide, not really high on my list of agendas at the moment. As for now, the only thing left to do is wait. Sooner or later, something will give, my opportunity will come.

Of course, that's only if Yukari doesn't find us first. Meddling bitch, always sticking her nose into matters that don't concern her. Damn it, damn it, damn it, I should have killed her when I had the chance. Bet her and her friends are out there right now, thinking up some grand scheme.

…

Reimu collapsed backward into the bed Yukari had provided for her and groaned. Her whole body was stiff and sore. After spending hour after hour sitting in a stone seat, with only a short break for lunch, every movement garnered an ache of protest. Her rear was especially tender, from both the hard seat and an uncomfortable time spent without relieving herself.

And to top it off, those people just would not shut up. Eiki Shiki had been easily the worst of the bunch. It didn't matter what was being discussed, what was being suggested, what was even being reported, there was no subject too small for her not to jump in with some sort of objection or accusation. Reimu was seriously considering seeking out some form of immortality, because if that was what was waiting for her on the other side, then everyone's fear of death was perfectly understandable.

And then there was Tenshi. Reimu did not like the Celestial, she never had. Having her home destroyed just because the girl got bored one day tended to do that. And today, she had been no less annoying. Where Eiki had been blunt and accusatory, Tenshi had been snide and incredibly rude. She had taken every opportunity to insult someone and promote her supposed superiority. Though Reimu did have to admit that it was pretty funny when they turned their attention on one-another.

Well, it was over now, at least for the day. Tomorrow would start up a new round of fun. This was seriously taking much longer than Reimu had anticipated.

With a grunt she pulled herself off the bed. The room she was in was plain in the extreme. Stone walls, stone ceiling and a single (and admittedly comfortable) white-sheeted bed. A four-legged wooden table sat at one end. Upon the table was a bowl of clear water and a small pile of clean towels. There was a small alcove in one corner with a dark, circular hole set into the ground. It didn't take a genius to figure out what that was for.

Even though Reimu was exhausted, she still felt disgusting. She dipped one of the small towels in the basin, wrung it out, and used it to wipe away the sweat from her face and neck. Then she removed her sleeves and pulled her blouse over her head, setting them down on the bed.

She had just begun to unwrap the sarashi from around her torso when there came a sudden thumping at the door.

Reimu jumped in surprise. She grabbed her blouse and started to pull it over her head while she yelled, "Hang on a-"

The door swung open. "Hey Reddie," Marisa said as she walked in. "Was wondering if yoWHOA!"

She stopped short and stared. Then she grinned and mimed holding up a camera with her hands.

"Cuh-lick!" she said, pressing an imaginary button. "Oh, that's so being saved for later."

Reimu hastily pulled the blouse into place and straightened it the best she could. "Marisa, what the hell? Don't just barge into someone's room without permission!"

"Hey, I knocked!"

"Which only served to announce the barging." Reimu gave her blouse one final tug. "What are you doing here anyway?"

The young witch just shrugged. "Bored and can't sleep, ze. Figured I might as well see what you were doing."

"Getting cleaned up to go to bed, for your information. Why don't you go bother someone else?"

Again without asking permission, Marisa hopped onto Reimu's bed and started jumping up and down. "Mima's busy whipping up something or another, Suika won't stop bitching about her stupid gourd, Kanako and Sanae are having some sort of private conversation that they won't let me near, Patchy's acting all weird, Sakuya just gave me the death glare, Yukari went somewhere else and I don't know everyone else well enough to hang out with them."

"Nice to know I'm at the bottom of the list," Reimu muttered. She started to put her sleeves back on.

"Nah, yours was just the furthest room from mine." Marisa gave one final hop before flopping belly-first onto the bed. She propped up her elbows and rested her chin on her hands. "So, what'cha think?"

"Annoying, won't leave, smells funny and needs a haircut."

Marisa swiped a hand at her, which Reimu sidestepped. "Dumbass. I mean about the meeting, ze! What'cha think about all that crazy?"

Reimu just shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Seemed like nothing more than a bunch of people yelling at each other for hours on end. No wonder Yukari hates these things."

"Yeah, I think she was about ready to lock up Eiki and Tenshi in a room and let them fight to the death," Marisa snickered. She flipped over to her back and started kicking the wall, rhythmically pounding her feet against the stone in a jogging motion. "If that dumb bitch would just give me back my hakkero I could restore order pretty damned quickly."

"There's a contradiction if I ever heard one. You and order go together like…um…"

"Oil and water?"

"Nah. They don't mix but they don't destroy each other either. More like sunlight and vampires."

Marisa cackled. "Heh, I kinda like that, ze! No wonder Remilia don't like me."

"Actually, I think that has something to do with the frequent burglaries."

"Oh, don't you start too," Marisa grumbled. "Anyways! Moving on…come on, let's do something."

Reimu blinked. "Like what?"

"Oh, I dunno." Marisa pushed herself up to a sitting position and grinned wickedly. "Wanna make out?"

Normally such a proposition would leave someone feeling flustered, confused and upset. However, Reimu was long used to Marisa and could tell when she was joking. Plus, dealing with Yukari on a weekly basis built up one's resistance. So instead she just rolled her eyes and threw the damp towel at Marisa's face.

"Only in your lonely, pathetic fantasies," Reimu muttered. "Wait, check that. I'd expect fantasy-me to at least have some class."

"I can't help it, your lithe, supple body just makes me all hot and bothered," Marisa snickered. She brought the towel to her nose and sniffed appreciatively. "Mmmm, scent of shrine maiden."

Reimu snatched the towel from her hands. "You're disgusting, you know that? I've got to find a way to keep you from hanging out with Aya all the time. Never thought I'd say this about anyone, but she's been a bad influence on you.

"More like she's hanging out with me," Marisa corrected. "Once she shows up she does not go away, no matter how many times I drop hints and highly destructive spellcards."

"Gee, how awful for you. I can't imagine what that must be like." Reimu sat on the bed and reached into her overnight bag. "Well, I guess I'd better distract you somehow before you start picking away at the tower's foundations. Disturbing make out sessions aren't gonna happen, and all I really have are some cards. You game?"

Marisa made a face. "Cards? Seriously?

"Come on, I thought you liked cards."

"Only the kind that make things go boom. As far as I can tell, no one's ever exploded because of the normal kind."

"You'd be surprised. Come on, give it a try. There's this one game Mima taught me that I've been wanting to try out. It's called Spite and Malice."

"Is it?" Marisa perked up immediately. "Heh, that doesn't sound so bad, ze. It's not anything like that one game we played at Kanako's place, is it? The one with all the properties-"

Reimu shot her a fierce look. "Hey now, we agreed to never speak of that again!"

"You're the one that got all the Reds in like six moves. And loaded them up with so many freaking inns that I started to see why people don't like letting you have money."

"I said, we agreed to never-"

"And then Sanae got all the Yellows. Whole side of the board was a freaking deathtrap."

"Marisa…"

"Fine, fine." Marisa held up her palms with an unrepentant grin. Shutting up now."

Reimu sighed and sat down on the bed across from her. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, the way you play is like this: each player gets a deck of thirteen cards as well as seven more cards in the hand," she explained as she cut and shuffled the deck. She began dealing out the cards. "The purpose of the game is to get rid of both."

"Really? That sounds easy enough. Watch!"

Marisa started to rise up. Reimu placed her hand against Marisa's shoulder and pushed her back down.

"No. No flicking the cards all over the room. Do you want to play or not?"

"Okay, fine. I'll be good."

"Sure you will," Reimu said with a roll of her eyes. "Anyway, the rest of the main deck sits over here. At the start of the game, we both flip over the top card of our decks. If anyone has an Ace, they put that in the center to start a stack and the game begins. If nobody has an Ace, then we both keep drawing cards from the main deck until someone gets one. And if you get an Ace anytime later in the game, you have to put that down to make a new stack."

"'Kay…"

"Anyway, during your turn you can put as many cards as you want from your hand and your deck onto the stacks, so long as the stacks go upward from the Ace to the King. When a stack gets all filled up, it gets shuffled back into the main deck. You're also allowed to have up to four discard piles in front of you, like this. At the end of your turn, you have to discard one card from your hand. You don't have to get rid of those cards, but you can use them to move the stacks upward to one of the cards you do have to get rid of, but you can only use the top card from each discard pile, so you have to plan ahead of time which one you're gonna discard and in what order each pile's gonna be. You with me so far?"

Marisa nodded. "Think so."

"Good enough. Anyway, at the start of your turn you refill your hand from the main deck until you've gotten rid of all thirteen cards in your personal deck. The game ends when you've emptied both your deck and hand."

"Okay, I get that part," Marisa said. She pointed at the cards. "So what's so spiteful and malicious about it? Do the cards start exploding or try to eat you if you take too long?"

"No, but the other person might. Anyway, the top card of both our decks is face-up, right? So you know which card the other person is trying to get rid of. So if you have the right sequence of cards, you can block your opponent from getting rid of that card."

"Ahhhh, I get it," Marisa grinned. "So to win you gotta screw the other guy over, ze."

"Yeah, pretty much. So you'll probably be a natural. Want to give it shot?"

"Eh, why not?" Marisa shrugged. "I've been wanting to find a way to screw you anyway."

Reimu, who was dealing out the cards, stopped for a moment. "Um…yeah. Maybe you'd like tto rephrase that."

Marisa just grinned. "No, I wouldn't."

"I...gods, you're disgusting. Never mind, let's just play."

They played few rounds. Despite this being her first time, Marisa proved to be better at the game than Reimu, or at least she had better luck. She went through her first two cards in quick succession and successfully blocked Reimu from getting rid of the nine that was sitting on top the top of her deck.

"Typical," Reimu muttered as she discarded a card. "I swear the card gods hate me or something."

"That's what you get for not being their shrine maiden, ze. Makes you the competition." Marisa put down an Ace, starting a new pile. "Um, hey Reimu? You've talked to Mima recently, yeah?"

Reimu blinked. "Sort've. When she came to pick me up this morning. Why?"

"Did, uh, she say anything about me?"

Reimu frowned. She scrutinized Marisa's face, trying to read into the meaning behind the questioning. "Not really. Just told me to get up and get moving. Then we went to get you. Why?"

"Eh, no reason. Just wondering."

"Okay…" Reimu would have said more, but at that moment someone decided to knock on her door.

She and Marisa exchanged a look of mutual confusion. Reimu placed her cards face down on the bed and slid to the floor. She cautiously approached the door. Given that she was one of Yukari's companions and the border youkai wasn't especially popular at the moment, there was nothing lost by being a little careful. While she didn't expect assassins to come knocking, she wouldn't put it past someone like Tenshi to find a way to use her against Yukari. Or maybe just get her back for the spat that had happened that morning.

Placing one hand on the door handle and holding up a Fantasy Seal spellcard with the other, she called out, "Who's there?"

There was a pause, and then a hesitant voice said, "Uh, it's me. Reisen. Sorry to bother you, but uh, can we talk?"

Reimu's eyes widened. She shot a look at Marisa, who just shrugged. "Sure, I guess." She opened the door. She was still a shrine maiden after all. She didn't get the chance to counsel people very often, so it would be bad form to turn the opportunity when it came knocking.

Reisen stood in the hallway. For the first time that Reimu could remember, the Lunarian rabbit wasn't wearing her usual formal suit and blazer. Instead, she had traded them in for a loose grey short-sleeved shirt and a pair of shorts. But unexpected casual wear aside, something was clearly bothering her.

"Hey Reimu," she said. "Sorry to bug you, but-" Then she caught sight of Marisa, who was still sitting on Reimu's bed. "Oh! Sorry, am I...interrupting something?"

"Nah," Marisa said cheerfully. "We haven't even gotten the strap-on out yet. You're welcome to join in if you want, ze. Make it a party."

Reisen blanched. "Wait, what?"

Reimu buried her face in her palm. "Just ignore her, she's just being…Marisa." She glared over her shoulder. "I'll be right back. Stay there, be good, and don't look at my cards!"

Marisa expressed her intentions of compliance with a single extended digit, namely the one that rested between her index and ring fingers.

Reimu's eye twitched but she didn't raise the bait. She closed the door and rolled her eyes. "Sorry about that," she muttered to Reisen. "You wanna step outside?"

"Uh, sure. I guess."

They walked over to the end of the hallway. Set in the wall was a large window, about five feet in height. Originally the tower had small, slitted windows, so as to discourage unwanted visitors and projectiles from entering from anywhere but the main gate. However, upon taking ownership, Yukari had declared such an architectural choice to be unforgivably unfashionable and had expanded the tower's windows by a significant amount. She didn't need such primitive devices to keep people out anyway.

The shrine maiden and the Lunar rabbit stepped out into the moonlight and floated down to the courtyard below. Reimu had to admit, the feel of the cool, night air was refreshing, especially after being cooped up in the meeting chambers all day.

She looked over her shoulder. Behind her, Reisen was staring up at the crescent Moon with an expression that was equal parts fascination and wistful.

A small smile tugged on Reimu's lips. "Homesick?"

"What?" When Reimu tilted her head in the Moon's direction, Reisen blinked and said, "Oh! Oh, no. Not really. I mean, it's been so many years and it's not like I left on great terms. Besides, I like Gensokyo way better.

Reimu sat down on a relatively flat piece of rubble and crossed her legs. "Most people do. But it's been my experience that people want what they can't have."

"Eh, maybe." Reisen let out a small laugh. "But still, even if I did want to go back…But never mind, that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"Okay." Reimu scooted over and indicated that Reisen should sit down next to her. After a moment of hesitation she did.

Reimu waited patiently as Reisen tried to put her thoughts in order. "I…Uh, yeah. So, how's your foot?"

"What?" Reimu screwed up her face in confusion. "Uh, fine, I guess." She held it up and wiggled her toes. "Almost completely better. Still a little slower than the other, but it's almost healed. Is…is that what you pulled me aside to ask me?"

"No, it's not. It's just…" Reisen gripped the side of the stone and took a deep breath. "I don't even know how to put this, so I'm just going to say it. Reimu, is there anything you can do to help Rin? Anything at all?"

Reimu's eyebrows shot straight up. "I'm…what?"

"Look, yesterday Eirin said that you guys are probably going to kill Rin, and today Yukari went and said the same thing. And now everyone's talking about the best way to catch her and hurt her until she gives up and then kill her and no one's even thinking of trying to help her and I don't know if I can-"

"Whoa, Reisen, slow down," Reimu said as she held up her hands. "Let me get this straight: you want me to help the life-destroying monster?"

Reisen's eyes flashed. "She's not a monster!" she yelled. "What happened to her wasn't her fault!"

"Okay, but that doesn't change the fact that she's incredibly dangerous. I mean, just look what she did to your house!"

Reisen cast at long look at the piles of broken stone and demolished buildings around them. "She's not the only one known for mass destruction and loss of life," she muttered. "We let people like that run free all the time."

Reimu sighed. "Look, I know Yukari's done some…questionable things, but it's not the same thing. Satsuki is…" Then inspiration struck. Suddenly, Reimu understood why Reisen was so upset. She actually felt a little dumb for not figuring it before. "Wait, you knew her, didn't you? I mean personally."

"Gee, you think?" Reisen snapped. "Eientei's really not that big. And you don't have a Kirin kid living there for any length of time without running into her at least once."

"But she still meant something to you."

Reisen didn't answer right away. She tightened her grip on the stone's edge and stared down at her feet. When she spoke, her words were slow and measured. "Tell me something, Reimu. Have you ever loved someone? I don't just mean becoming friendly with those troublemakers you beat up. I mean really, truly cared about someone deep down inside, so that you'd do anything to keep them from hurting?"

The question didn't exactly surprise Reimu, considering the conversation at hand, but that didn't mean it was easy to answer. Her parents had died when she was eight. After that, she had more-or-less been on her own. The other humans weren't exactly on the best of terms with her, and the closest thing she had to a family was a large amphibious reptile. Sure she had friends, but it wasn't like she was sick with worry whenever they got themselves in trouble, especially since most of them were far more powerful than her.

"No, I really haven't," she said softly.

"Then you're very lucky," Reisen murmured. She wrapped her arms around her body and shivered. "It means you'll never fail them." She stood to her feet and started walking back to the citadel.

"Reisen, wait," Reimu said. She hopped up and grabbed the rabbit by the shoulder. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't know she was important to you. I still don't get what you want me to do, but if you want to talk, then I'm willing to listen."

Reisen didn't look at her. For a brief moment Reimu was afraid she'd ignore the offer and just keep walking, but then she said, "Well, it's like this. Ever since I got kicked out of the Lunarian Army it's like I've been the perpetual underdog. Even among the other rabbits it's always me that falls for the pranks, that always ends up embarrassed or taking the blame. And then Rin came along, and for the first time ever someone was looking up to me. Someone I could actually help and protect, someone who wouldn't call me names whenever I messed up. She was the closest thing to a baby sister I've ever had."

Reisen turned around. Her large, red eyes were filling with tears. "And then…and then I went and let them turn her into that! I told her I'd always watch out for her, but I just stood and watched as turned her into a godsdamned lab animal! All because I was afraid of crossing Eirin. And afterward, they just went and stuck her into a box for what had to have thought to be forever. And there wasn't a single thing I could do! Can you imagine what that must have been like for her, Reimu? All those years of being denied such simple things like…sunlight and personal contact or…or even the ability to feel? And now everyone's getting ready to burn her at the stake for losing her mind when they're the ones who tore it out!"

"I never thought of it like that," Reimu admitted. Certainly she had been disturbed to hear the full story of what had happened to Satsuki, but it had been overpowered by the memory of almost being killed. But then again, the same thing had happened to Reisen, and she was still willing to be concerned about Satsuki's well-being. "I guess she isn't the worst monster here."

"But now I'm going to do it again! They're all going to hunt her down to try to hurt and even kill her again, and…oh, gods forgive me, I'm going to help them!" Reisen wiped her eyes with her arm and let out a bitter laugh. "I should've just let her kill me. Be more than I deserve."

"Whoa, back up!" Reimu grabbed Reisen by the shoulders and gave her a hard shake. "Don't even think things like that! Look, I don't pretend to understand everything that's going on. This whole thing's been a big freaking mess, I agree, but don't start giving into despair! That won't help her or you."

Reisen pulled away. "It's what she wants! She told me herself, and she's right! I-"

"Snap out of it! That was probably just the Shadow Youkai talking! Mima said that Rumia probably got her memories back, and if that's the case, I wouldn't be surprised if she starts trying to mess with Rin's mind too. If you two were really that close, then there's no way she would ever want to do that to you, no matter how mad she was. Right now, the best thing you can do for her is try to hold it together. Because if you lose it, then she'll really have no one else pulling for her."

"Not even you?"

"I…uh…" Reimu's brain chose that moment to freeze up. It was true that Reisen had opened her eyes to certain aspects of this incident, but that didn't change her belief that Satsuki was too dangerous to leave alive. Whatever her experiences had been, they had changed her into something that threatened everyone around her.

Besides, ending her life just might be the most merciful thing they could do. Eirin's speech had made note of the lack of a cure. If that were the case, even if they decided to leave Satsuki alive and found a way to rehabilitate her, she would still be stuck as an inhuman (or, to be accurate, inyoukai) blob, forced to live out the rest of eternity trapped in her own mind. Not by any stretch of the imagination would such a life be worth living.

But then again, this was Gensokyo after all, a world that literally ran on the impossible. Just because there wasn't a cure now didn't mean there would never be one. And it was Reimu's job to protect the innocent, no matter how weird they might be. Plus, now that she knew more about Satsuki's history, she was not comfortable with the idea of hurting a child.

It was a hard decision, certainly. Reimu's job was usually straightforward. Someone would careless and start making trouble, and she would knock them back into line. This was the first time that she had been involved with anything that intended to end another's life. She would be lying if she said she found the idea in any way appealing. Sure, she had supported the execution idea when Marisa had first brought it up, but now what she had learned from both Eirin and Reisen only served to complicate things further.

She sucked air between her teeth and blew it out. Every instinct she possessed was telling her to go with hard reason and actively work towards putting Satsuki down. But then again, she knew what it was like not to have a family. And if someone like Rin had showed up in her life, she couldn't say that she would not do anything in her power to protect them.

"Well…" she said in a low voice. "Maybe there'd be one more."

Reisen just stared at her. Her eyes, already wet with barely repressed tears, began to flow anew. Her lower lip started trembling.

Then she threw her arms around Reimu and hugged her close. "Thank you," she whispered as she buried her head into Reimu's shoulder. "Thank you, thank you, thank you…"

Reimu grimaced. She really wasn't one for personal contact or overt displays of emotion. Plus, she had no idea of what to do with her hands. Still, she wasn't about to tell Reisen that.

She slowly patted Reisen on the back. "Um, okay. There, there," the shrine maiden said, knowing full well how lame she sounded.

Reisen pulled back. She sniffled. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Reimu looked up at the tower and sighed. "Look, let's go back. We're both too tired to do any serious planning, and Marisa's probably going through my underwear by now."

Reisen managed a shaky laugh. "Sure."

They floated back up to the window in silence. All the way up, Reimu's mind was racing over what had just happened. She wasn't sure, but she got the feeling that her agreement with Reisen was going to come back to bite her in the ass. She still intended to do what she could to stop Satsuki's rampage, but once she was captured…Reimu had no idea what she was going to do then. Yukari had made her position on the matter clear, and once that happened she never changed her mind.

For the first time ever, Reimu found herself a little nervous about confronting the powerful youkai. Though she was incredibly easygoing most of the time, when it came to Gensokyo's safety Yukari was downright ruthless. She just hoped that when the time came she wouldn't change from being an ally to an obstacle.

...

Hakugyokurou was empty.

Setting her mouth in a straight line, Yukari moved through the shrine and attached buildings, checking all the rooms and the garden outside. She found no one, living or dead.

Well, that wasn't exactly unusual. Yuyuko was prone to going on extended trips without warning, taking her gardener/bodyguard/sidekick Youmu with her. Still, given the circumstances, her unannounced absence was annoying.

On a hunch, Yukari stormed into the Ghost Princess' bed chambers and headed straight for the cabinet of memorabilia and other valuable artifacts Yuyuko had placed in one corner. Sure enough, on the top shelf sat a three-sided yellow crystal pyramid. The pyramid pulsed with an insistent glow, and there was a buzzing feeling that increased as Yukari drew nearer.

With a sigh, she took the pyramid down from its place and sat it down on a nearby table. She flicked the tip with her fingertip. The glow and the buzzing ceased immediately.

Just as she thought, Yuyuko had left before Yukari had sent the word out. Which meant she was strolling merrily along somewhere not here, blissfully unaware of the situation at hand. Even though Yukari knew that it wasn't Yuyuko's fault, she could help but feel just a little annoyed.

Well, she would have to work on tracking her dead friend down later. Yukari motioned, opening a portal between the netherworld and her citadel. She stepped through and closed the way behind her.

Once she was back in her private chambers (naturally, originally intended for the tower's first master), she sat down at a small table and thought on what to do next.

So far, the meeting had proceeded exactly as she had predicted. Much shouting, little in the way of actual progress. At least this time around, she had gotten everyone to agree that something needed to be done about Satsuki. The possibility that an indestructible lunatic who may or may not be under the influence of a genocidal lunatic might be rampaging through their territories had done much to convince them to skip arguing about whether or not something should be done and go straight to arguing about how to do it. Of course, that alone would take some time…

In the meantime though, she did have other issues that required her attention. Yukari flicked her fingers, causing the tiny figure of Princess Kotohime to appear. The girl was dressed in gray silk pajamas and was lying on a canopied bed, but instead of sleeping she was apparently reviewing a massive pile of papers, making occasional marks with a fountain pen. Yukari had to give the human credit: she may have her eccentric habits, but she took her job very seriously.

"Captain," Yukari said. "Am I interrupting something?"

Kotohime didn't respond. In fact, she gave no indication she had heard at all.

"Captain…" Yukari said again, louder this time.

Nothing.

Yukari rolled her eyes and shouted, "Kotohime! Eyes front!"

This time there was a reaction. Kotohime jerked up, letting out a "Meep!" of surprise and scattering her papers. She regained her composure as soon as she saw who was addressing her.

"Yukari!" she said. She gave herself a quick check-over, adjusting her pajamas and hopping out of bed to stand at attention. "I apologize for the indecent state of this public servant! If I had known-"

Yukari waved off her apologies. "Don't worry about it. People have greeted me wearing…worst. Besides, I should be the one apologizing, given the lateness of the hour. Still, I did not have the chance to receive an update until now. So tell me, is there anything to report concerning those projects I gave you?"

Kotohime shook her head in regret. "No Ma'am, I'm sorry but there isn't. There has been no sign of either tail or whisker of the Shikigami of your Shikigami. I apologize for my failure. The fault must surely-"

"Again, don't worry about it," Yukari sighed. "Chen's notoriously hard to find when she doesn't want to be found. We tried fixing her with tracking spells once. She chewed right through them and disappeared for a solid week."

There was a meaningful pause, and then Kotohime said, "She…chewed through…the spells?"

"Try not to think about it. I'm not even sure if I understand it."

"I…see."

"Anyway, just keep looking. She's bound to show up sooner or later, but I'd much prefer it be sooner. At any rate, what of our other fugitives?"

"There has been some progress on that, I'm glad to say. Though the suspect known as 'Cirno' has yet to reveal herself, there have been sightings of her associates. Reportedly, the notorious grifter known as 'Mystia Lorelei' and Cirno's fairy henchwoman were sighted by the Autumnal Patrol yesterday morning, but fled before they could be apprehended. And there have been reports of the insect of ambiguous gender being seen flying westward around the same time, though these have yet to be confirmed."

"At least it's something," Yukari muttered. "Well, let me know as soon as you find them. I want those kids as soon as possible."

"Understood. Ah…Yukari?"

"Yes?"

"Regarding the Marisa Kirisame situation…"

Yukari leaned back in her chair with a roll of her eyes. "No, sorry. No timetable on that yet. Not until this damned meeting is finally concluded, at least. I'll contact you when I see the light at the end of that tunnel. Yukari out."

Kotohime saluted sharply before dissolving in vapor.

Yukari pulled herself out the chair with a groan. Out of all the times for Cirno to fall off the radar as well. She should have tied up that fairy when she had the chance.

Well, she would show up sooner or later. If there was one constant in the universe, it was that Cirno always became visible before too long. Yukari just hoped she didn't end up causing too much havoc when she did.

Yukari half walked, half stumbled toward the washroom. Good gods, how did anyone stand operating with this kind of sleep schedule? She had to make the necessary adjustments to work with the others, but her body was not on board. In fact, it was loudly insisting that now was the time to just be stirring from her slumber instead of getting ready for bed.

She dipped her hands into the basin of water and was just bringing it to her face when she suddenly became aware of a second presence in the room, standing directly behind her. She glanced into the mirror only for it to tell her that she was alone in the room.

Without turning around she finished washing her face. Then, shaking the droplets of water from her fingers and reaching for a washcloth, she said, "Hello, Remilia."

Remilia Scarlet giggled, a very girlish sound for a centuries-old monster. "Aw, I wanted to surprise you! What gave me away?"

Yukari wiped off her face and turned to face the small vampire girl, who was crouching on the opposite wall. "The smell, for one. Consuming mostly nothing but blood for long periods of time tends to do unpleasant things for the pores. Though honestly, don't you think the reflection thing is just a little clichéd?"

Remilia smirked. She hopped down from the wall and stood up straight. "Forgive me, Border Master. I dislike mirrors. They are the playthings of man's vanity."

"How very…droll of you. But personally, I find your posturing and mind games to be annoying. Knock it off."

Remilia sighed. "Oh, very well. If I must."

Yukari glanced over her shoulder. Remilia's form appeared in the mirror beside her own.

"There, it's done," Remilia said. "Though honestly, a little respect for the classics never did anyone harm, wouldn't you agree?"

Yukari folded her arms and leaned back against her table of toiletries. "As entertaining as bantering with you might be, I've had a long day. What are you doing here? And seeing how you're trespassing, there better be a damned good reason."

Remilia mirrored the pose. "Oh, that's not very nice, especially since I've come here to offer my help."

"Really."

"Of course. And you'd be wise to consider it."

Yukari reached up to flick a stray stand of hair away from her face. "And why should I give a damn about what you think?"

"Because of the situation you're in. You may try to make it seem like you've got everyone under control, but for someone of your caliber to go running for help so soon…that smacks of desperation. This Satsuki person struck you harder than you're letting on, and it's eating away at your mind." Arms behind her back, Remilia leaned in closer, baring her fangs in a wide smile. "You're scared, Yukari. You're worried that this problem may prove too much for you, and it's got you worried. So you're really in no position to turn down any help that's offered."

"You seem well informed about the situation at hand."

Remilia shrugged. "Sakuya and Patchy told me part of it after the ghost and her little thief dropped off their summons, and I just got the rest from Sakuya a few minutes ago."

"Is that so? I should start checking people for wiretaps then. Still, in case you haven't noticed, I've already gathered help, help from people much more powerful than yourself. So tell me something Remilia, what help could you possibly offer me that they can't?"

"Isn't it obvious? Satsuki was only brought down the last time using Flandre. If there's going to be any attempt to take her out again, you'll be needing her power. Only this time, Flandre doesn't get involved without my say."

"Your information is antiqued then," Yukari snapped. "Didn't Sakuya tell you about the fates of Kaguya Houraisan and Fujiwara no Mokou? She's gained their powers, primarily their immortality and regeneration. If we blew her up then in all likelihood she would just put herself back together in moments."

Remilia rolled her eyes and laughed in a condescending manner. "Oh Yukari, come now. You're not really that naïve, are you?"

Yukari's eyes narrowed. "You're treading on thin ice, Remilia. And the water underneath is very, very cold."

Remilia ignored her offense. Instead, she began to pace back and forth through the washroom, hands still clasped behind her back. "Satsuki isn't some kind of enemy general. She's not your equal on the battlefield. She may have fallen into incredible power, but her mindset is still that of a little girl. Think about it, Yukari. Despite having more than enough strength to have killed all of her oppressors, namely you and your friends, she instead chose to flee and hide. Why do you think that it?"

Yukari didn't answer and Remilia didn't wait for one.

"Because she's afraid," the vampire continued. "She's scared of you and what you might do to her. It doesn't matter if she's stronger than the whole of Gensokyo combined. It doesn't matter if she can shrug off attacks that would turn most people into dust. She's just not used to these sorts of situations. And when it comes down to it, she's no warrior and isn't going to act like one. Sure, she got in a few lucky hits, but she was cornered and desperate."

"Now, you take someone like Flandre," Remilia said. "The only person to beat her soundly and make it look easy. And during a time when she probably thought herself invincible. That was probably quite a blow to her self-confidence. And seeing how she was put away almost immediately afterward and forced to spend a few decades doing nothing but dwelling on her memories and living in regret…well, I'd imagine that her fear of my sister would only grow in the meantime. She's probably relived that moment over and over, thinking about how the evil vampire hurt her so badly. By now, her feelings toward Flandre must be akin to a phobia. And if the possibility of another meeting were to present itself, I'd imagine she wouldn't take it well. It would worry her, cause her to stress, making her sloppy."

Remilia giggled again. "And you're forgetting something very important: it doesn't matter if she can regenerate limbs as fast and Flandre can blow them to pieces. It doesn't matter if she can piece herself back together from a few stray atoms. Being destroyed like that over and over will still hurt, both physically and mentally. She won't be able to take it. She'll break down, become lost in the pain. In time, she'll collapse entirely, giving you the opportunity to remove her from the board."

Yukari quirked an eyebrow. "That was…actually rather convincing. You've given the matter some thought then."

"Oh Yukari, you just need to know how prey thinks. You can't have widespread seek-and-destroy operation without some understanding of hunter-prey dynamics. Which would be something else you would gain by accepting my aid." With a flourish, Remilia gave an extravagant curtsy. "The benefit and experience of one of the most accomplished hunters ever to walk Gensokyo."

"Sakuya's already on board."

"Ah, that stung. A hit, a palpable hit," Remilia laughed. "But seriously, can you really afford to say no?"

Yukari considered what Remilia was offering carefully. She had to admit, the vampire made some very good points. All this time she had been focused on defeating Rin Satsuki the monster. The thought of fighting Rin Satsuki the terrified prey hadn't occurred to her beyond trying to predict where she would hide next. If Remilia had deduced so much in such a short time, then maybe the vampire's assistance would be essential.

Still…

"Let me ask you something, Remilia. Why?"

The question seemed to honestly confuse the vampire. "Beg pardon?" she said, tilting her head to one side.

"What, are you deaf? Why, Remilia? Why do you care? You're not the one to stick your neck out unless it benefits you personally. So what's your reason for coming here?"

"Oh, that." Remilia's eyebrows knitted together. "Well, isn't it obvious? I am already personally involved. Satsuki likely does not harbor any warm feelings towards me and mine. And it's only a matter of time before she starts to see the appeal of the 'Best defense is a good offense' philosophy. Think of it as protecting my holdings."

Yukari unfolded her arms and stood up straight. "So you're scared too. Interesting."

"I'd have to be an idiot not to see the threat she poses," Remilia snapped. "Vampires don't last long by underestimating their enemies." Then her smile returned. "Which is no to say that my assistance won't come with a price."

Yukari blinked. "Wait, you're personally threatened by all this and you're still going to charge me for your services? That's stupid."

"Oh, I think you'll find my conditions reasonable enough. First of all, I want Marisa Kirisame."

"You want…Marisa Kirisame?" Yukari shook her head. "Well, that's interesting. I thought you two were friends."

Remilia's smile turned down. She hopped up onto the table and dangled her legs over the edge. "No, Reimu's a friend. Marisa's a…oh, let's say an annoyance, one that I've had to put up with as a result. But I think I've endured enough wing-pulling, garlic themed pranks and probing questions about my relationship with Flandre. And she's caused more than enough grief for my household. Plus, I hear you two aren't getting along. This shouldn't be that much of a loss."

"Perhaps," Yukari said in an even tone. "Continue."

"Second, I want the others involved in Rin Satsuki's creation to be punished, both the Asakura sisters and Eirin Yagokoro. Thanks to their games, my little sister was endangered and my home used as that creature's prison, all without my knowledge and consent. And as a result, me and my family are now threatened by Satsuki's continued freedom. I believe I could be excused for feeling just a little indignation over the whole thing, wouldn't you agree?"

"I see. And what then? Control of all the land in a twenty-mile radius around the Scarlet Devil Mansion? Full hunting privileges in the human territories? A seat among the Ringleaders?"

Remilia showed her fangs again. "Well, I wasn't going to say that, but if you're offering…"

"No," Yukari said.

"I'm sorry?"

"No. Either help or don't. But I'm not in the habit of hiring mercenaries and don't intend to start any time soon."

"Yukari, I don't think you're in any position to-"

"I choose what kind of position I'm in, me and no one else," Yukari said. Her voice didn't rise a single octave, but the steel was there. "And quite frankly, I've never been inclined to give into the demands of spoiled little girls who break into my chambers and try to get some sort of footing over me."

Remilia returned the stare, her red eyes piercing into Yukari's golden gaze. "And don't you think I would have the good sense to not sneak into the chambers of Gensokyo's top dog without bringing some kind of insurance? I'm not an idiot, Yukari. If you're not willing to cut some sort of deal with me, then…well…" She shrugged and smirked. "I guess Satsuki will be saved the trouble."

What happened next was not something Remilia had anticipated. The way she had probably planned it, she would be the one holding all the cards. Given that Yukari was backed into a corner, she would have no choice but to deal.

However, Yukari did not share her views.

Quick as a striking snake, she snatched up the childlike vampire by the collar and swung her around, slamming her spine against the wall. Remilia gasped at the impact, but before she could bring up any kind of counterattack, she suddenly found herself under the furious glare of a very, very pissed off Yukari Yakumo.

"Two mistakes you made," Yukari hissed. "Number one, you tried to threaten me. No one does that. Not here, not anywhere. As anyone sane would be happy to tell you, doing so is tantamount to suicide. Number two, you brought that sister of yours onto my property. And don't try to deny it. Nothing happens here without my knowing. Now that…well, that would be tantamount to an act of war. Let me show you why you don't do that either."

…

Flandre stuck her fingers under the edge of a massive slab of marble, easily over a ton and a half in weight, and hefted it up. She curiously peered into the shallow imprint it left behind.

"Sakuya!" she called. "Who are they?"

Sakuya peered over the young vampire's shoulder. "Hmmm, likely to be some of the city's original inhabitants. This stone must have fallen right on top of them. Not the most dignified way to go, but at least it's quick."

"They're dead?"

"Indeed they are, Young Mistress Flandre. For several centuries, at least."

Flandre's mouth turned downward. "They're noisy for dead people. Too chatty, I can hear them talking in my head."

Sakuya smiled and patted Flandre on the shoulder. "They're probably just trying to get some sleep. Why don't you leave them-"

She never got the chance to finish that sentence. Because at that moment her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell over backwards, where she lay without moving.

"Sakuya?" Flandre said. She let the stone fall back in place and knelt down to investigate. "Are you sleepy too?"

She reached down with one hand with the intention of shaking the maid awake. That was when the world changed and became horrible.

…

Yukari released her hold on Remilia, dropping her to the ground. Then she stepped aside, giving her a clear view.

"Flandre?" Remilia cried as she leapt up. "Flandre? Oh gods, what did you…"

Her younger sister had indeed joined them in the room, though it wasn't in any way that Remilia would have wanted. An oval surface, smooth and flat as a mirror, hung suspended in mid-air. Flandre could be seen standing inside, crying and banging her fists against the surface as she called out for her Remilia's help.

"What did you do?" Remilia shouted. She rushed over to Flandre's nearly one-dimensional prison. Her pointed fingers swept over its surface, trying to find some way of opening it. "This is…Oh gods, this is…Just hold on, Flan! Remi's here, she'll get you out!"

"Oh, will you?" Yukari said. She motioned with one hand. Flandre's prison began to rotate, slowly at first but gradually picking up speed. Remilia had to jump out of the way as it became a blur of motion. Inside the sphere it had created, Flandre's ghost image could still be seen as she curled into a ball and hid her face with her hands.

"Stop it!" Remilia cried. She turned to Yukari, her eyes filled with terror and pleading. "Whatever you're doing, stop it!"

"Stop? You're begging me to stop? I thought you had this situation under control, Remilia. Where's all that smug confidence you brought in here?"

"Please, I'm sorry! Just let her go, she's not a part of this!"

Yukari knelt down to stare Remilia in the eye. "That's not what you just got done telling me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she had instructions to destroy this tower if I didn't give into your demands. Was that the insurance you were talking about?"

"I was bluffing!" Remilia screamed. "I wouldn't-"

"First rule about bluffing: never do it. If you're going to hold a knife to someone's neck, then you'd damn well better be prepared to plunge it in. Otherwise, you're just wasting their time."

"Okay! Okay, I get it! You win! Now please, let my sister go?"

Yukari smirked. "It's ironic when you think about it. Just a moment ago you were ranting about how Eirin put your sister in danger. And now…Ah, well. Life's funny that way. Anyway, if you want your sister, go get her."

Remilia whirled around. Flandre's prison had slowed to a stop. As she stared, a single line appeared at the top and cut its way down, dividing Flandre's shuddering image in half. Then the line split apart, opening the oval's surface.

"Flandre!" Remilia shouted and she ran towards the opening. "Are you all-"

Something caught her leg and she fell. She tried to use her wings to slow her momentum, but it was like something was pulling her forward. She hit ground and skidded hard.

When she pushed herself up, the first thing she saw was Flandre lying in a ball directly in front of her. Her eyes were shut tight.

"Oh no, Flandre? Flan? Are you all right?" Remilia scooped Flandre up and cradled her in her lap. "Please, say something!"

Flandre blinked once, and when she saw Remilia sitting over her she lunged upward and wrapped her arms around Remilia's torso.

"Remi!" she cried as she buried her face in her sister's chest. "It was scary, Remi! I kept going round and round and round…"

"I know, I know," Remilia said softly as she held her close. "It's okay, sister's here. I won't let anything-"

"Ahem."

Both Remilia and Flandre looked up. Their eyes widened when they realized where they were. The twisting strangeness of the Borderlands surrounded them. All around, eternally blinking eyes floated through the murky lavender sky, if it could be called that, and stared down at the two vampire sisters.

However, even more problematic was their immediate location: namely, the palm of Yukari's hand. Whether she had grown to gigantic proportions or they had been shrunk down to the size of salt-shakers could not be judged. But it didn't matter either way.

Yukari brought her open hand closer to her face, her golden eyes peering down at the tiny figures she held. "Another mistake you made, Remilia," she said, her voice booming from all around. "You underestimated me, right after you got done telling me that you wouldn't. Maybe you got the idea that since the Shadow Youkai proved to be extremely resistant to my power over borders, it must mean that the fault lies with me. That I'm losing my edge. That you can just waltz in here and make me do whatever you wish."

"Unfortunately for you, she is the exception rather than the rule. You, my young friend, are no Shadow Youkai. Whereas I am still Yukari Yakumo. And I am not amused."

"Leave us alone!" Flandre screamed. She thrust out her arm and squeezed her fist tight, likely intending to crush Yukari once and for all. However, to her surprise, nothing happened.

Yukari tsked. "The boundary between power and weakness is one of the easiest to manipulate, especially in creatures like vampires. The amount of weaknesses your kind has is frankly a little embarrassing."

Then she smiled. "But don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you. Quite the contrary, I think I might actually take you up on your offer, Remilia."

Remilia Scarlet stiffened. "W-what?"

"Indeed. Now, I can't actually let you have the Marisa Kirisame nor Eirin and the Asakura sisters, but I was planning on ensuring that they suffered some sort of consequence for their actions. You won't exactly get a say in what those consequences will be, but if you're good I'll let you watch. Is that acceptable?"

Remilia managed a shaky nod.

"And in return, you two will do exactly as I say. If I tell you to do something, it will be done without challenge, without question and without complaint. If I say 'Shoot', then you better not ask 'How far?', because I expect you to already know. And if you don't, then I'll just stick my fingers into that weakness against sunlight you possess, kick it up a few hundred notches and fuse you both to the eastern face of the Youkai Mountain. I hear the sunrise is magnificent. Got it?"

Remilia and Flandre exchanged a look. They both nodded.

"Good. I'm so glad we understand each other," Yukari said. Then she laughed. "Oh, don't feel bad, Remilia. It was a brave attempt. Stupid, but brave. Think of it as a promotion if it helps! Instead of being a loose cannon, you have been upgraded to being my Ace-in-the-Hole. Why, if you behave you might even become a trump card! Now, wouldn't that be fun?"

Without waiting for an answer, Yukari tore open a gap right through her own palm, sucking Remilia and Flandre through and dumping them back outside, several miles from the tower. Amused, she watched as they fled from the Ruined City as fast as their wings would carry them. She wondered how far they would get before they realized that they had left their servants behind.

With a small measure of will, she stepped back into her room. Perhaps she had been a little harsh, but such lessons were rarely forgotten. And on the plus side, she had just gained a valuable resource. Maybe this day had been profitable after all.

Still, there were many other obstacles she needed to deal with. While this one had been taken care of in a satisfactory manner, further complications were not likely to be so easy to deal with. Ah well, she supposed she would just have to tackle them one at a time. With any luck, they would at least take turns, though she wasn't nearly so optimistic to believe that would happen.

…

This isn't going to work, you know. It's doomed from the start. There's too many things that can go wrong.

Cirno frowned as she examined the checklist. The problem wasn't so much that there were too many items missing, but rather that she was having trouble reading her own handwriting.

Any plan by you ends up this way. A failure. Another failure in a long line of failures. Face it, you can't help Rumia any more than you can win a single fight.

"Okay, uh, that one's Wriggle. She's still not back yet," Cirno muttered. "No Yuuka either. But still, we've got bird, cat, wannabe, crapload of money and lots and lots of fliers." She smiled. "And Professor C. Strongest, of course. So we still should be good."

Professor C. Strongest? Really?

"Okay guys, is everyone ready?" she called out. "We're leaving for the Youkai Market first thing in the morning, so you better be ready or I'll whack you all on the head!"

Mystia emerged from one of the hallways. "Good to go, weirdest leader!" she replied. She held up a large woven bag, its sides bulging from its contents. "Dough is all packed and ready."

"Awesomesauce. What about our advertisers?"

"I'm good!" Chen responded cheerfully. The catgirl pushed her way past Mystia to enter the main cavern. She was wearing a hiker's backpack, also stuffed to capacity. She stuck her thumbs under the straps and grinned proudly. "Whole buncha fliers, all ready! And are we really going to the Youkai Market 'cause I really really love the Youkai Market 'cause they have this awesome goldfish scoop game except the last time I played they kicked me out for using my mouth and I don't think that was very-"

"Okay, good, you're ready," Cirno said quickly. "What about your partner?"

Chen turned to point over her shoulder. "She's still back there. I think she's stuck."

From the passageway, Daiyousei shouted, "No I'm not! T-t-this is just really c-c-c-c-crazy heavy!"

Panting and bending under the weight, Daiyousei emerged. Like Chen, she too wore a backup that had been crammed full of the fliers they had made the day before. However, her pack was only about two-thirds the size of Chen's.

With a grunt, she grabbed a nearby stalagmite and forced herself to stand upright. "D-Daiyousei, p-p-present and accounted for!"

Cirno stared. "Wow, you gonna be okay with all those?"

"I think there's still some room in my pack, if you need help," Chen offered.

"N-no, I'm good."

"Seriously Dai, don't go breaking your back before we even get there," Mystia said. "At least take it off for now."

She reached over to help relieve Daiyousei of the backpack. Daiyousei looked like she was about to protest, but relented. The look of relief on her face spoke volumes.

"Okay, um yeah. I'd say we're good." Cirno squinted at the list. "So…yeah! Remember, we're leaving like really early tomorrow to get there before the crowd does. Like six in the morning."

Everyone suddenly stood up straight and stiffened. Their eyes all went wide. Mystia gulped.

Cirno scowled. "Oh, come on! It's not that early. 'Sides Mysty, you should be used to weird hours. What's your normal sleep schedule? It's like one week you're noctotal…nucktetole…neckturtle…up all night and sleeping all day, and the next it's the other way around! Same with Wriggle, it's confusing."

"Uh…C-C-Cirno?" Daiyousei choked out, her voice rising to a squeak.

"Speaking of Wriggle, does anyone know what's taking her so long? I mean, she's been gone almost two days now! I know she and Yuuka Kazami have some sort of weird history, but does it really take that long to talk about helping us?"

Chen's legs gave way from under her. She landed with a plop on her behind, her unblinking eyes staring forward.

"What, you didn't know about that? They were totally girlfriends! And from what I can tell, there was some crazy kink going on!"

"Cirno," Mystia said. "Seriously. Shut up. Right now."

"What? It's true! She told us all about it, remember? They called it 'Wriggle's Special Playtime'." Cirno laughed. "Man, I'd give good money to see that happening! You wouldn't think Wriggle's the type, but I guess everyone's got a crazy side. And if Wriggle can be that bad, I'd hate to see that Yuuka's idea of 'crazy'!"

"Cirno, stop talking and turn around," Mystia said.

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

Cirno scowled. She whirled on her heel. "Okay, are you going to kick me…" she completed her circle "…as soon as my back is…ohhhh noooo…"

Cirno found herself staring at two very long legs. These legs emerged from a pair of shiny, sharp-toed pink boots and rose to disappear into a red-plaid skirt at the knees. Above the skirt was a pale pink shirt and a vest the same color as the skirt. And over that…

Red eyes.

Green hair.

And a very wide smile.

Yuuka leaned over so she and Cirno were eye-to-eye. "Ohhhh yessss. Don't you just hate it when that happens? It seems you can't have a decent conversation about someone's personal life without them popping up behind your back. Almost like weeds, if you ask me." Her teeth gleamed. "Rude, intrusive weeds."

Cirno's insides usually ran cold anyway, so she didn't feel much in the way of sudden chills. In fact, the air had actually risen several degrees in warmth. However, that didn't change the fact that she was now completely terrified.

Yuuka laughed, an odd crinkling sound that, while not loud, still felt like someone was burrowing into Cirno's skull. "Daw, don't worry about it!" she said. She grabbed Cirno's nose between her thumb and index finger and playfully shook it back and forth. "I really don't care who knows about my personal habits. I prefer to think of the rumors as free advertisement!"

Then she leaned in close, so her lips were almost brushing Cirno's ear. "Oh, and if you ever feel curious, you're more than welcome to join us," she whispered. "There's always room for one more on the rack."

Cirno came very close to fainting.

Yuuka straightened up. Her gaze swept over all those assembled. "Now, you all must be my Wriggle's darling little friends!" She clasped her hands in glee. "Oh, this is so exciting! Wriggle's told me so much about you! I cannot tell you how much I've want to meet you all in person…"

Something about the way she said that last word seemed to suggested that her definition of "Meeting" someone included acts of a depraved and likely illegal nature. Cirno dropped her checklist and scampered back to hide behind Mystia.

"Now, the loud one must be Cirno, right?" Yuuka said. "Oh, I've definitely heard stories about your adventures, you naughty little girl! And that over there…Daiyousei? Oh my goodness, you're so adorable I could eat you right up! And that over there…" Her gaze fell on Chen, who, like the others, was trembling hard and doing her best not to draw attention to herself.

"Kitty!" Yuuka shrieked. She lunged forward and picked up Chen by the arms, backpack and all.

"Oh, so cute!" Yuuka cried and she crushed Chen to her breast. "Oh Wriggle, you never told me you got a cat! We simply must take her back with us someday! Then we can pet her and feed her and dress her and undress her and stick things wherever they'll fit…"

The catgirl yelled, clawed and scratched, absolutely desperate to free herself. Yuuka blinked and held her out to look at her.

"Aw, what's the matter kitty?" she asked, a confused look on her face. "Are you hungry? Have you been fed yet? Don't worry, Auntie Yuuki will find something for you."

She looked past Chen. Her gaze settled on at Mystia. Her smile returned.

"Does kitty like chicken?" she purred.

With a shriek of absolute terror, Mystia shoved Cirno out of the way and disappeared into the passageway. The sudden movement seemed to shock Daiyousei out of her frozen state, as the green-haired fairy wasted no time in following as quickly as her wings would carry her.

A hand reached up to tug on Yuuka's sleeve.

"Okay Yuuka, I think that's enough," Wriggle said as she stepped into view. "Don't wanna, um, overwhelm them with your first impression. So, what say we put Chen down? Come on, let's put the kitty down now."

"Awww, but we were just becoming friends!" However, she complied. Chen took the opportunity to hide behind Cirno.

Yuuka looked down at those who remained. "Well then! A great pleasure to meet you all. Now, Wriggle here…" She looped an arm around Wriggle's throat and drew her in tight, making the firefly struggle and gasp for air "…tells me that you've gotten yourself into something of a pickle. A pickle named Yukari Yakumo, is that right?"

Cirno stared for several seconds before realizing that Yuuka was addressing her. "Oh, uh, y-yeah. T-t-though it's not just her, but also-"

"Oh, don't worry your cold little buns." Yuuka released her hold on Wriggle, who fell panting to her knees. "I'll make sure no one stands in the way of your plan. In fact, I'll give you the personal promise of Yuuka Kazami that you will soon get your friend back." Her teeth flashed as she smiled again. "Exactly the way she used to be."

Cirno perked up. "You…you do? You mean it?"

"Of course! Now, if you'll excuse me, I really should be heading home now. Need to rest up for tomorrow! Oh, this promises to be a very interesting day indeed!" Then she smiled at Wriggle, who was still trying to catch her breath. "Oh, and Wriggle?"

Wriggle looked up. "Yyyyeeessss…?"

Yuuka raised Wriggle's chin up with her fingertips. "I'll be seeing you again. Very soon."

Wriggle's antennae wilted. "Oh…of course."

"Indeed. Oh, and if you speak to me like I'm some sort of child ever again, I'll turn your ribs into gardening tools!" She gave Wriggle an affectionate kiss on the cheek. "Okay?"

Wriggle couldn't even bring herself to think of an answer.

"Okay then!" Yuuka straightened up. "Hugs and kisses to all! I'll see you all tomorrow. Good night…"

Even though Cirno was looking directly at Yuuka when she left, she couldn't be sure that the flower youkai exited through the cave mouth. For all she could tell, Yuuka had simply disappeared into thin air. Maybe she had.

Five minutes passed during which no one dared to speak or move. Even breathing was kept on a subdued level. And then, when Cirno was sure that Yuuka had indeed left for good, she exploded.

"Wriggle, what the crap were you thinking?" she screamed. "Bringing her back here? Did your butt-bulb burn out or something? Have you completely flipped? What, did she follow you home?"

Wriggle looked up to fixate a furious glare on the ranting ice-fairy. "She insisted on coming in person," was all she said.

"And you let her? You didn't try to stop her?"

"Stop her? Stop her?"

"And speaking of which, where the hellsicles were you this whole time! We've been kinda sorta worried a little sick about you! Were you too busy making out to let us know you're okay?"

Wriggle didn't immediately respond. She just glared at Cirno for a few moments longer. Then she turned her attention to Chen.

"Hey, Chen? Would'ja mind giving me and Cirno here some alone time?"

Chen straightened up. "Huh? Alone time?" she hiccupped.

"Yeah, it looks like I'll be needing to debrief her. Just a few minutes, won't take long."

Chen didn't need to be told twice. She leapt up and scampered away, following the path Mystia and Daiyousei had taken.

Cirno folded her arms. "Okay, she's gone," she stated. "Now will you please-urk!"

Wriggle grabbed Cirno by the shoulders and shoved her up against the cave wall. Cirno blinked in surprise. She stared at Wriggle's face, which was bright red with anger and indignation. Then her eyes dipped down to the object that Wriggle clutched in one trembling hand.

It was a black leather collar, with a silver tag hanging from it.

"Bend," Wriggle hissed. "Over!"

…

Ouch. Well, in fairness, she did warn her.

Anyway, what's funny is that despite the fact that Remilia's been a bit of a bitch in this story (even if she had good reason to be angry, her treatment of Patchy was over the line) and that both she and Flandre just got totally owned, the Scarlet Sisters are probably my favorite characters in the whole series. What's that say about me? I don't know, maybe that Imperfect Metamorphosis has an equal-opportunity pain policy?

Speaking of which, there's something about those two that's been…well, I won't say it bothers me all that much, but it's definitely caught my attention. Judging from all the fanart and dojin about those two, it's clear that shippers just love putting them together. Not surprising, given that's bound to happen every time a pair of sisters pop up. However, I'm not sure if the shippers know exactly how wrong that pairing is. Even putting aside the yuri aspect (which is not so much expected but required in Touhou) for a moment, as well as the whole incest thing, they're loli vampires. In other words, underage corpses. So yeah, incestuous lesbian undead little girls. Who are often portrayed as being into BDSM. God, that is so wrong on many, many levels. But still...

Yeah, I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Okay, okay. Enough squicky fetish fuel and back to the story. As should be bleeding obvious by now, Yuuka's become my favorite character to write for. Late-night caffeine trips spent typing away and giggling to myself for the freaking win! Though I hope the other three scenes don't become forgotten, as they're more important to the story, both for plot and character reasons. I was gonna have it be Patchy knocking on Reimu's door looking for counsel, but as much as I liked the idea, she's just not the sort to go seeking after someone else's advice, least of all Reimu's. Especially since there would have been some kind of confrontation with Marisa, and that wasn't the direction I wanted this chapter to go in. Not yet, at least.

Though there definitely should be a Touhou Monopoly game. Just sayin'.

Also, just as a head's up, the next chapter will take a bit longer before it's up. The first reason is that the San Diego Comic-Con is this weekend, and I'll be too pooped to get much writing done. The second is that I want to get started on the Kaguya/Mokou spinoff, and I'm pretty bad at balancing two projects at once. So the first spinoff chapter will probably be up before I get started on the next IM bit.

Until next time, everyone!