Evil Queen 3
Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Megamind (besides the DVD) and am not affiliated with Dreamworks in any way.
Warnings: Some strong language.
Chapter 3
Megamind diverted his attention from the television to his watch as it beeped to indicate that his brainbots had completed their mission. He had sent them to locate the cameraman Hal Shtewart, discretely gather a DNA sample and capture an image for his database. That would help him sort through anything they might find at Roxanne's apartment.
He glanced at Roxanne to tell her they could leave, but noticed that she had fallen asleep. He smiled slightly at this unprecedented situation. She had come and asked for his help instead of going to Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. And then they had spent time together socially. He must have gained some of her respect during their past dealings. Maybe if he handles this situation well, this won't be a one-off event. He could get used to having Roxanne Ritchi hanging around Evil Lair.
He quietly stood up and scanned her with his disguise generator and then gently covered her with the blue throw Roxanne had glared at earlier. "Sweet dreams, my future-evil queen," he whispered under his breath to not disturb her. He backed up slowly to make sure that she wouldn't awaken. When he was satisfied, he left the room and went to the kitchen to find Minion.
Minion greeted Megamind as he entered the kitchen. "Oh, Sir, what kind of breakfast do you think Miss Ritchi would like? Something sweet, or eggs and bacon?" Minion was currently standing in front of the open pantry, apparently weighing up breakfasting options.
"Oh, don't worry about that now, Minion. We need to head to Roxanne's apartment while she's asleep. Have the brainbots keep her from leaving the viewing room. Non-violently, of course. Grab your disguise generator and meet me at the car," Megamind ordered. He waited until Minion started giving orders then left to collect his de-gun and an evidence-gathering kit. He instructed a few additional brainbots to meet them at Roxanne's apartment then made his way to the invisible car.
They both arrived at the car at the same time and Megamind grinned excitedly. "Ready, Min-yon?" he asked as he opened the passenger door.
"You bet, Boss!" Minion answered with a toothy grin as he hopped in on the driver's side. As quickly as he could, Minion flipped the invisibility switch and sped out of Evil Lair.
"How do you want to play this, Sir?"
"I thought we'd just walk in the front door, Minion. You can use the one from earlier today, and I," Megamind turned the face on his watch and continued in Roxanne's appearance and voice, "will get us past the doorman. So, how do I look?"
Minion had glanced sharply in his direction when his voice changed, but was now inspecting the illusion. "The eyes still aren't right. It looks like it's a general fault instead of a faulty scan like we suspected. But other than that, I would think that you were Miss Ritchi, Sir. And don't tell her I said so, but it's too bad you couldn't have scanned her at some other time. You're looking a bit rumpled."
"No matter, I'm sure I can get a better scan later," Megamind waved away the concern. "But the voice sounds right?"
"Oh absolutely, Sir. Do you have any plans for when you catch the culprits?"
"I have the beginnings of a few ideas, but we really need to gather data before I can refine any of them. And when I get to the planning phase, remind me to incorporate a Metro Mahn contingency plan. The last thing I need when protecting my turf is for that muscle-bound moron to show up and ruin my credibility. Does he have any upcoming events I can coordinate with? That should keep him out of my pro-verby-ale hair."
"When we get back to the lair I'll try to find out, Sir. Miss Ritchi may also know of something he's mentioned or that they're planning on attending together."
"Right…" Megamind replied with a bit of disappointment in his voice, "The boyfriend in tights… But if that's the case, then we can be reasonably certain that Roxanne will keep him occupied while we're otherwise engaged."
"Well, like you said, Sir. It's a bit too early to tell," Minion replied as he found an out-of-the-way parking spot near Miss Ritchi's apartment building. After parking, he activated his own disguise generator, giving him the appearance of a human man in blue overalls and light brown hair.
Once he exited the car, Megamind looked him over, nodded his head once and started walking towards the apartment building. "You never did try eating anything while wearing the watch, did you, Minion?"
Minion sighed and opened his mouth to reply, but Megamind jumped in excitedly, "Oh! That was new! You've never sighed before. You just flutter your gills so it's not usually audible. See? There is no reason that eating wouldn't work!"
"I'm not sure, Sir. It sounds like a good opportunity to gum up my gears."
"Bah!" Megamind waved away the objection as they neared the doors to the apartment building. "Showtime," he grinned as he pushed his way inside. He made his way up to the doorman with Minion right behind him. "Hi, excuse me," he started. "I was informed earlier that some movers came to my apartment with some paperwork. Could I get the original copy of that?"
"The original, ma'am? I don't know… I can get you a copy…"
"Well surely, if you're making a copy it doesn't matter who gets the original, does it? Just make a note in case anyone asks."
"Well, I guess… What's the name and room number?"
"Ritchi. Roxanne Ritchi," Megamind replied with some smugness seeping into his voice. These watches were some of the best inventions he's come up with to date! "Apartment 413." He glanced back at Minion to verify that he had the correct room number. At Minion's slight nod, he turned back to the night doorman with a grin.
The man behind the desk shuffled in a drawer for a moment then announced, "Ok, here it is. One moment and I'll get this copied for you." The doorman turned around to make a quick copy and then handed the original to Megamind.
"Here you are, Miss Ritchi. Have a nice night."
Megamind nodded and then turned to Minion with a wide grin as they headed towards the elevator. "These are field-testing great!" he whispered excitedly and gestured to his holo-watch.
Minion nodded and agreed, "Yes, they are holding up rather well. Just be careful, Sir. You remember the trouble we had with the prototypes. And we haven't subjected the holograms to long-term use testing."
"Yes, yes, I know that, Minion," he airily waved off Minion's concerns as they stepped into the elevator. He was fully aware of the potential problems and the additional testing they needed to do. "I thought that once we're satisfied with their overall performance that we could take a trip. You're always complaining that Lake Michigan is too cold even at the height of summer. When's your next salt-water cycle? Let's hop on a plane and go swimming somewhere tropical!"
"A trip? Really?!" Minion exclaimed excitedly. "I… I don't know what to say, Sir! My next salt-water cycle starts about two weeks from now." Minion's illusory face frowned then and continued, "Oh, but I would never make it through those metal detectors at the airport."
"My incredible intellect can come up with something that'll get you through. That'll be our next project after we sort this out for Miss Ritchi. Project: Vacation. We can even program the brainbots to do random tasks around Metrocity to make it look like we're 'up to something.' Nobody will notice we're gone." Megamind stated confidently.
The elevator door opened and they headed towards Roxanne's apartment. Megamind saw that Minion was still smiling. He hadn't been planning on telling Minion just yet, but he couldn't contain his own excitement. It had been the major motivating factor to get the watches operational, and he was surprised that he kept the vacation part of his plan to himself for so long.
When they reached the door, Megamind tried the door and was surprised when it opened. "Tsk, Miss Ritchi. Leaving the door unlocked," he shook his head, "Come, Minion." He led the way inside. Once they were both inside, they turned off the watches and locked the door. Minion flipped on the lights after Megamind closed the curtains and they surveyed the ruins of Roxanne Ritchi's apartment. Megamind pursed his lips in disapproval.
"You realize, of course, that we'll have to make an example of these common criminals. An attack on Miss Ritchi must be seen as an attack upon one of us," Megamind started and then his voice started to get a little louder as he continued, "I have made it abunt-ently clear that Miss Ritchi is my exclusive victim. They have challenged me and this insult won't go unanswered!"
"Of course, Sir," Minion replied grimly.
"Let the brainbots in and have them start scanning the apartment for fingerprints and any bio-matter. Then get a copy of the security footage," Megamind commanded as he opened his kit.
-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-
Megamind stood up and stretched as images of fingerprints flashed quickly across one monitor while another held three stationary fingerprint images. He had just finished hacking into the MCPD database and was trying to find a match to the unknown fingerprints they had discovered in Roxanne's apartment. And one of those just happened to match one found on the 'movers' paperwork. He let the computer run and took a gulp of the luke-warm coffee that Minion had brought him some time ago. He put on a lab coat and goggles then went back to the lab to check on the DNA extractor. They had found some hair and a bit of blood in the apartment and he was in the middle of processing the samples.
"Sir?" he heard Minion's voice from the doorway.
Megamind turned, "Yes, Minion."
"I think I found the targets on the security footage from the lobby. I managed to get clear face shots. Wanna see?"
"Excellent work, you fantastic fish!" Megamind beamed at his friend. "The extractor is still processing here, let's go." He moved the goggles to the top of his head and followed Minion to one of the nearby workrooms.
"There appear to be three men that were posing as movers," Minion began as Megamind sat down in front of the monitor. "These are the best shots of their faces I could get from the video. And I thought this one was of particular interest," he continued as he pointed a metallic finger at one of the faces he had framed up.
Megamind gasped with wicked delight, "Oh by Newton's apple. That appears to be Fast Eddie Rawls. I must've been twelve the last time we had the pleasure of his acquaintance in the ol' courtyard. Oh, I'm looking forward to meeting him again now that we're all grown up." Megamind couldn't help the evil laugh as ideas exploded in his head. He glanced up at Minion and saw an answering evil smirk. "We should do something nice for Miss Ritchi for bringing us this opportunity," he continued. That man had some serious payback coming his way.
"Can you continue with the facial recognition, Sir? I need to get started on breakfast and finish up with Miss Ritchi's laundry."
"Breakfast? Already?" Megamind asked surprised as he looked down at his watch. Apparently he let time get away with him again. "Very well, Minion. Off you go," he waved his friend off to perform his self-appointed tasks while he continued with the identification efforts.
-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-/\/\-
Roxanne felt herself slowly wake up and groaned. It was too early to get up. She shifted to roll over, but felt something in her way. Did she fall asleep on the couch? And it sounded like she left the TV on again. She blindly felt around her for the remote. She couldn't locate it and gave up. The softly playing classical music wasn't all that distracting. She kept her eyes closed in the hopes that she would fall back asleep, but now that she identified one sound that didn't belong, she started to notice others.
Not only was the classical music strange, because she never consciously chose to listen to it, but there were occasional clinks and buzzes and beeps that her apartment had never made before. Well, she certainly wasn't going back to sleep now that her curiosity woke up. She cracked one eye open to see where she was. She knew from experience that it was best to slowly analyze where she was before jumping up if something seemed off.
The first thing she noticed was that she was not laying on the red microfiber of her own couch, but a black leather one. That would explain the chill… Then all her memories of the previous day filtered back to her and she realized what happened. She fell asleep while in Megamind's secret hideout. She experimentally moved her arms and legs. At least she wasn't tied up. That was pleasantly new. At her movement, she heard a soft "bowg" come from nearby.
Sighing, she knew she had been discovered, so she sat up and looked around. She was alone in the room and two of the TVs were silently showing the news from two different channels. Thankfully, neither one was showing Channel 8. A third TV was on, with Megamind's logo slowly spinning in place, and appeared to be where the softly playing music was coming from. She glanced at the coffee table in front of her and was surprised to see some of her black and blue clothes neatly folded and wrinkle-free next to an overnight bag with a standing folded note addressed to 'Miss Ritchi' on top.
She picked up the note and opened it. The first thing she noticed before reading was the flowing handwriting. She wished her penmanship was that good.
My Dear Miss Ritchi,
My apologies for the meager overnight accommodations. Be assured that next time you will be provided with all the amenities you should require. You will find freshly laundered clothing and your toiletries nearby. One of us will be with you shortly, my dear.
~M~
She sighed and put the note down. He was always the hopeful one, wasn't he? She moved the overnight bag closer and was not really surprised to see that the entire bottled contents of her bathroom were inside. A shower would be good. And she hadn't been looking forward to staying in the same clothes from yesterday, so this was a nice surprise. She picked up the overnight bag and a change of clothes. Of course he would only grab dark clothes from the shambles of her bedroom.
She looked at one of the remaining brainbots in the room and commanded, "Ok, take me to the bathroom," curious to see if it would obey her. She was slightly surprised when it 'bowged' at her and turned to fly off. She followed the brainbot out the door and down a short hallway. She could faintly hear some AC/DC playing from somewhere else in the lair when the brainbot stopped and actually gestured towards a door. She opened it and sure enough, it was a bathroom. "Huh. Thanks," she said towards it as she entered the room.
Soon she was showered, changed and sitting in the 'viewing room' again. She would have been done sooner, but she had to figure out which of the seven knobs in the shower operated the hot and cold water. Why would you need seven knobs?! And that doesn't even count the couple of keypads she saw on the wall that she decided was safer to just leave alone.
Just as she finally felt awake enough to start questioning things, she heard a familiar voice from behind her, "Ahh, my dear Miss Ritchi. I hope you found the shower satisfactory."
She stood and turned to face him with a hand on her hip, "Well, once I found the hot water anyway. Why would you feel the need to trick out a shower of all things?"
He headed towards her and smirked a little, and dropped into his smooth, flirty tone of voice, "Ahh, I guess you didn't get the full experience. I'd be happy to… show… you sometime."
"Yeah, I just bet you would," she scoffed. "So, apparently you went to my apartment last night?" she gestured at her change of clothes while trying to distract him. She was emotionally upset enough without having to put up with sexual innuendos this early in the morning.
"Quite right, Miss Ritchi," Megamind agreed. "But let's discuss our findings over breakfast. Minion is ready for us. Shall we?" he extended his elbow again and this time she took it without thought.
After a moment of silence she simply had to ask. "Labcoat, huh? That's different." She looked over at him and saw that his cheeks and ears were flushed a slight purple just like last night.
"Hmm? Ahh yes, I shouldn't wear it to breakfast. Excuse me," he replied distractedly and dropped her arm. He backed up a couple steps and snapped his fingers twice. Suddenly six brainbots swarmed him, one trailing some black material. Nearly instantly, they were flying off again and she saw Megamind standing there minus the lab coat and in his usual cape. She glanced at the retreating brainbots and saw a flash of white material before they flew out of sight. "There we go. Come, Miss Ritchi," he said offering his elbow again.
She shook her head and took his offered arm as they continued walking. "That seemed a little unnecessary," she told him. He just smirked in reply as they entered the sparse dining room she saw yesterday.
As they got to the table, she was surprised when he got ahead of her and pulled out the chair she sat in yesterday and gestured for her to have a seat. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Her cheeks warmed slightly so she quickly averted her gaze. She sat down in the offered seat with a shy smile tugging at her lips and she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind an ear. She muttered her thanks as he gently pushed her chair towards the table.
Megamind sat in the kidnapping chair next to her just as Minion entered the room followed by a few brainbots. "Good morning, Miss Ritchi! Did you sleep well?" Minion asked as the brainbots rushed ahead of him and set the table. One put a plate of pancakes down in front of Megamind and then one placed a plate in front of her. She had to chuckle a little when she saw that her shortstack was topped with a couple strawberry slices for eyes and a piece of bacon for a smiling mouth.
She gave Minion a little half smile and replied, "Yeah, I did. You shouldn't have let me crash on the couch though. I would've been fine at the hotel."
"Nonsense," Megamind interrupted, "we would've had to kidnap you at some point today anyway for consultate-shion. You sleeping here was merely a time-saver."
"Glad I could help," she replied drily as she started into her breakfast. The pancakes were amazingly good and she made sure to compliment and thank Minion. She also made sure to keep an unobtrusive eye on him to see exactly how he was able to eat the bacon and whole eggs on his plate. Apparently there was an invisible hatch on the top of his dome that he could open and he slipped his food in through there as he physically swam up to meet his metallic arm. She averted her gaze when he picked up an egg. She didn't want to witness whether he had boiled them or not.
After a few minutes had passed, she couldn't stand the silence anymore and asked, "So, did you find anything at my apartment?"
Megamind took a huge gulp of his steaming coffee before answering, "Actually, yes. We are in the process of identifying the targets now. Then my incredible genius will have no problems tracking them down. My question for you, Miss Ritchi, is do you know if your boyfriend has anything planned tonight or tomorrow? We must move quickly for this retaliatory gesture." While he was talking, a brainbot had swooped in and topped up his coffee and even added the contents of a sugar packet. Megamind didn't even seem to notice.
"My boy- oh, Metro Man," she had almost forgotten everyone's misconceptions there for a minute. "No, I don't know if he's got anything planned."
Megamind nodded, his eyes calculating, "Right. We'll need a distraction to keep him busy." He turned to Minion and opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and turned to face Roxanne with a serious expression. "Miss Ritchi, as you are well aware, I am a criminal genius and the master of all villainy. And I am embarking on the planning phase of this retaliatory operation. I need to know if you're willing to be involved in planning my highly illegal scheme of destruct-shion and violence or if you would like to merely receive a message when all is said and done. If you want out, Minion will drop you off wherever you wish and we will notify you when everything is completed. If you stay in, I must insist that anything you hear, discover, or witness will remain confidential. Also, I will ensure that if things go wrong your name will stay in the clear. No police, no Metro Mahn, no editorials, and no blackmail. So my dear Miss Ritchi, are you in? Or out?"
She put her fork down and really thought about it. If she left, she would be in an information vacuum until all was said and done. She would also be all alone, and she did just hunt these two down in an effort to talk with them. On the other hand, if she stayed, she would at the very least be an accessory to whatever plan they came up with. But she would also get the satisfaction she demanded. Her anger at the people who robbed her flared inside her head again and she knew that she wouldn't be able to sit it out even if she was dropped off somewhere. She would be safer with Megamind's protection than as an innocent bystander.
Her decision made, she gave him a slightly feral grin, "Oh, I'm in."
Megamind gave her a bright smile and actually laughed delightedly instead of giving one of his rehearsed 'evil laughs'. "Welcome aboard, Miss Ritchi! Now about that distraction," he turned to Minion still smiling, "Minion, I'm thinking fire. We still have the Equestrinator in that warehouse on the east side, right? I've been meaning to scrap that project for months now. We use that to engineer a big, showy fire just before we start."
"Are you sure, Sir? We don't have all that many holdings on the east side. And that warehouse is the biggest one."
"True, but the buildings on either side are slated for demolition. I've been able to keep the actual demolition orders wrapped up in red tape, but it's just a matter of time before that location would be useless to us. At least this way, it'll serve a purpose. And if we set it up right, we should be able to trick people into thinking we were just there."
"Hmm," Minion looked thoughtful and replied, "We'd have to make it a big enough fire that everyone would worry about it and call Metro Man as well as the fire departments. Maybe we should spread some motor oil around to make sure the smoke is nice and dark. Ooh! We could have a recording playing of someone screaming inside one of those neighboring buildings!"
Megamind thought it over and replied, "Yes, that would get Metro Mahn there quickly, but he would then discover the audio device and suspect something's wrong. I need it to look like we were working on something and it malfunctioned. The motor oil idea is very workable though."
"Of course. You're right, Sir."
"Miss Ritchi, any tips to get the media's attention drawn to the fire?" Megamind asked her. She had almost thought they forgot about her, but she didn't really have anything to contribute to their conversation besides protests.
She smirked, "A phone call? No news station worth its salt would pass up on filming a fire. I don't think you need to worry about notifying them, they'll hear about it and probably beat Metro Man to the scene. And I know it's not in the whole 'being evil' theme, but no one is going to get hurt with this fire, right?"
"We'll make sure all the buildings involved are vacant before we start, Miss Ritchi," Minion assured her.
"Right," Megamind said decisively. "Minion, go oversee the setup at the warehouse. You and the brainbots strip the Equestrinator of all the salvageable electronics to bring them back here. Run thermal scans to ensure we haven't gained a squatter in the warehouse or the neighboring buildings. Take Squad 6 with you and allow a couple sightings. They have the most advanced deception circuitry and leave them there. We'll bring the incendiary device and a timer over later along with Squad 6's instructions. Report back when you're set up. I'll go see if we've identified our friends yet."
"Yes, Sir!" Minion chirped happily as he got up from the breakfast table. The brainbots had cleared the table earlier, so he was able to leave immediately.
Megamind also stood up and looked at Roxanne, "Miss Ritchi, come with me. Let's see if you know any of your tor-mentors." He didn't wait before he started out of the room with long, purposeful strides. As she hurried to catch up, she noticed that they were heading into a part of the lair that she hadn't been in before. And she was a little surprised that she was allowed in the area, much less without a blindfold.
They were still walking when he interrupted her thoughts, "Miss Ritchi, are you aware of which buildings currently utilize metal detectors?"
"That's random," she commented. "What on Earth for?"
"I need one to test a device I'm designing."
She narrowed her eyes, "'Need one' as in going to use it where it's at, or 'need one' as in you're going to steal it?" she asked suspiciously.
He smirked at her, "Now, Miss Ritchi, even if you refuse to share information, I can just look it up." Typical non-answer. That meant he's looking to steal one. And he was right, everything she knew could be easily found out.
She sighed, "Well, there's the airport, the police stations, the courthouses, and the other government buildings. Maybe a couple of schools." She left the prison off her list. He would know of that one and probably wouldn't appreciate the reminder.
They entered a room that was full of monitors. Some obviously showed the feed from the security cameras situated around the building. Wherever that was. She couldn't find any landmarks on the screens to try to puzzle out where the 'Evil Lair' was located. A couple more seemed to have news reports. She frowned as she caught sight of her replacement. Maybe she could get Megamind to kidnap that little whore and do something to her slimeball ex-boss.
Megamind sat in a high-backed swivel chair and gestured at three of the monitors in front of him. "Here are the ruffians that robbed your apartment, Miss Ritchi. Do you recognize any of them?"
She tore her eyes off the bottle-blonde and looked at the men Megamind gestured to. "No," she drew the word out in confusion. "I don't recognize any of them. But that doesn't make sense! I was targeted!"
Megamind was frowning and replied, "I was afraid of that. You see, I do recognize that one." He pointed to the middle screen. "It looks like you were targeted as a challenge to me. Don't worry, this will not stand. Fast Eddie is in for a nasty surprise."
"Oh, that's just great!" Roxanne fumed loudly. "First I get kidnapped by you for my association with Metro Man and now I get robbed because I'm your 'favorite victim!' How is that fair?! What if I had been home just then?! I could have been raped! Or killed! I only left to change out my cell phone. Thank God they were incompetent and kept me in that store for-fucking-ever! Oh and let's not forget the fact that I'm now jobless because somehow I got caught up in your little game!" She couldn't help the hot tears of frustration she felt running down her cheeks. She noticed Megamind staring at her with wide eyes and looking a little pale. He put up his hands placatingly.
And of course once the tears started, she couldn't get them to stop and actually started to sob. She crossed her arms over her stomach and tried to keep her face down out of embarrassment. Here she was, losing her cool in front of the one person she never wanted to see her like this.
"Hey, hey. Shhh. Miss Ritchi?" she heard Megamind talking softly and moving closer but she didn't reply. "Miss Ritchi, I promise I will fix this." She felt a tentative touch on her upper arms. When she didn't flinch away, the touch became a little firmer and she felt him rub his hands up and down her arms to try to sooth her. He continued softly, "I'll design you a custom security system. And an emergency alert device. Would you like some security brainbots? I can make you some. You'll be safe, Miss Ritchi. I'll keep you safe," he said the last part with such conviction that she believed him.
Needing comfort, she threw her arms around his high collar, bent her knees slightly and sobbed into his chest. Belatedly she was thankful for the long sleeves she wore due to the slight chill in the air. It kept her arms from impaling themselves on his spiked mantle. She knew she took him by surprise because he just stood there stiffly with his arms out to the side. A few moments later, she felt his arms gently fold around her and hold her to him.
He began softly talking to her again, "Shhh. Shhh. Oh Roxanne. My dear Roxanne. I'll fix this. I promise. Hush now, Roxanne. I'm here. You're ok. Shhh." She felt one of his hands come up and stroke her hair gently while he repeated himself. Eventually, she stopped sobbing and held him tighter while she tried to dry her eyes.
When she was sure she wouldn't start spontaneously crying again, she slowly lifted her head off of his chest and straightened up. Massively embarrassed and knowing she looked terrible, she looked at his face and whispered, "Sorry." She saw a combination of concern, determination, and something else she couldn't place in his eyes. "I didn't expect to burst into tears," she continued and only just realized that she was still hugging him.
He gave her a little squeeze and said softly, "No I'm sorry, my dear Roxanne. It never crossed my towering intellect that someone would be brash enough to target me through you. I swear by all that is evil that it will not happen again." He rubbed her back softly and whispered, "You ok now?"
"As ok as I can be," she replied softly. She gave a watery smile, "Let's teach those bastards a lesson. Oh, and Megamind?" he raised an eyebrow waiting for her to continue. She reached up, put a hand on his cheek, looked into his vibrant green eyes and said, "Thank you."