Hello everyone! I'm back with chapter 2 of Reading Naruto: Lunar Eclipse! BTW, while writing this, I'm listening to I'll Make A Jedi Out Of You and Let It Flow. They are Star Wars/Disney parody songs for Mulan's I'll Make A Man Out Of You and Frozen's Let It Go by The Clarkson Twins on YouTube.
"Are we ready to begin the next chapter?" Kushina asks, getting nods from the others.
Adventures of Planet Cymbalta
Ino was bored. "So, this is space travel. Shame the food's so bad."
Shikamaru shot back, "Well the foodstuffs on board are for a Dug's tastes, not a human's, Ino."
She continued their verbal spar. "I know Shika, but that doesn't make it taste any better!"
Ino and Shikamaru were up bickering while Naruto and Hinata slept. They felt it was better to have at least two ninjas 'on duty' at all times. The Misfire was a small armed patrol craft that was sold decades ago as military surplus. Its original function was to hunt bandit ships and pirates off local shipping lanes. It also could carry up to 30 fully armed troops in a crisis. Doc had been the ship's keeper for the last 70 years so there was no one who knew it better. Shikamaru was focusing on their main problems; money, supplies and the reasons they were brought back to life to begin with. All of them wondered who and where the "other" ninja clone groups were. They were referred as "Batch Five" but the data in the ship's memory banks on the subject were encrypted.
"Give me grandbabies right now!" Kushina demands causing both Naruto and Hinata to blush.
Ino was concentrating on more important things: getting some better tasting food and more stylish clothes. She asked rhetorically, "After all, one of a kunoichi's most dangerous assets is her sex appeal, right Shika?" That question went unanswered. Shikamaru considered Ino like a sister, so her flaunting her assets affected him about as much as a rock….On a more positive note, they had plenty of weaponry.
"Troublesome surrogate sisters." Shikamaru mumbles before getting hit from a tearful Ino.
After hearing Hinata relate her tale of how she "neutralized" Suberga (Shikamaru and Naruto still winced and covered their privates at the thought), they concluded there was no real danger from going back into the lab to fetch everything else in the armory. Naruto simply created an army of shadow clones and the lab facilities were cleaned out in short order. They had enough food for a few weeks but there were only so many Republic Credits to go around; hence the ninjas came up with a plan to make some cash.
Even the males of the group wince while Jiraiya soon pales in fear at the looks on both Kushina's and Tsunade's faces.
Earlier that day:
Doc was answering Naruto's questions. Doc stated, "There are plenty of job opportunities in the Paxil Colonies for people; what kinds of work do you ninja people do anyway?"
Naruto answered slowly, "Well Doc, we're professional assassins for hire…."
The old droid's optics lit up and he exclaimed, "That's awesome, Naruto! These colonies' politicians are as crooked as a Hutt tax collector."
Naruto asked curiously, "What's a Hutt Doc?" The droid said in a conspiratorial tone, "I'm sure you'll work for one if you're in the assassin business; they always need someone to 'disappear' if you know what I mean, hah, hah."
"Scheffinator, what is a Hutt?" Tsunade asks out loud. "A Hutt is basically like a large Space Slug. Here's a better visual." Scheffinator says on a TV, that just appeared, before being replaced with an image of Jabba the Hutt, getting sounds of vomiting from the Slug Princess.
Naruto's glum reply was, "Great! Just great…."
So, they decided to work as mercenaries at least in the short term. The planet Valium they escaped from was kind of an old mining colony so there wasn't much work there. They headed for the main hub of the colonies, Cymbalta. It had a major port there that their unwitting Dug benefactor had left them a free docking license at. They didn't know if anyone was going to be after them but a small ship like theirs could slip in and out of a large port easily undetected. They would be (relatively) safe while they tried to drum up some credits.
"What are credits anyways?" Ino asks. "It says it's a type of currency." Kushina replies.
Shikamaru was shaken out of his ponderings about the plan to head to Cymbalta by Ino's yelling. "….You fell asleep while flying the ship? What the hell kind of a droid are you?" "….." "….." "Shika, our faithful old droid is a narcoleptic! He also zones out due to post traumatic stress disorder from the wars he fought in."
"I know how he feels." Both Tsunade and Jiraiya say at the same time.
The Nara groaned, "….Troublesome. No wonder he and Naruto get along so well."
Ino quipped back with a grin, "That was cold, even by your standards."
A few hours later Naruto and Hinata let the others sleep and promised to wake them up when they entered Cymbalta space. Hinata questioned, "Do you think any of our other friends are alive out there Naruto-kun? When I was trapped alone in that lab for so long, I never dreamed that it was even possible."
"I feel the same." Hinata says before being hugged by Naruto.
Her blond-haired companion answered, "I don't know Hinata-chan. There are so many stars and so many places to go. Even if we don't see them again, I hope our friends are alive and well. We have a long ahead of us but as long as we stay close to one another, I know we'll be okay." Hinata snuggled closer to him and they enjoyed each other's warmth as they gazed out at the sea of stars. Things stayed quiet and they kept each other company until they reached the Cymbalta system. After getting the word from Doc, they woke up the others in preparation to land.
Hinata just smiles and snuggles closer to Naruto, who smiles back.
Shikamaru addressed the others. "The first thing we'll need is some kind of identification so we can get around security. As it stands, the only one of us with any credentials is Doc. I'm guessing we won't have to look too far to find someone who can get us what we need. This place is supposed to be as corrupt as hell, according to Doc, so it shouldn't be a problem. We'll probably need to use up some serious cash to do that though." Ino groaned at Shikamaru's assessment of the situation.
Ino groaned as well. "Troublesome." Shikamaru just said.
Naruto said, "Leave that to me." With a prankster's gleam in his eye.
Ino raised an eyebrow and inquired, "What are you thinking Naruto?"
Naruto replied smugly, "No worries Ino; I grew up on the streets. I know how to get around. I'll even take Hinata along with me to keep a safe lookout while I work. We'll be travelling for a few hours under henge."
"What are you planning sochi-kun?" Kushina asks with a gleam in her eyes that mimics Naruto's.
Hinata was concerned and asked, "Do you think the transformation jutsu will work against aliens Naruto-kun?"
He nodded in reply. "They've never heard of chakra so unless they have psychic powers, we should be able to give them the slip. Why would they look for something they've never seen before? Trust me Hinata-chan, this will be a piece of cake. Let's bring some of those extra empty sacks we carried the weapons in. we're going to need them."
"Now I'm really starting to worry." Ino says at the gleams both mother and son are sporting.
Ino groaned, "Please keep the knucklehead out of trouble Hinata."
Hinata meekly replied, "I'll do my best Ino."
'I'll do my best Ino.' Hinata sneered to herself two hours later. She was about to die from embarrassment.
Naruto had told her with a smile, "All men are perverts. It's a golden truth I learned from Jiraiya. I will prove it to you today!" As he looked through a smut filled magazine. He muttered, "Really? Three breasts? Well, whatever it takes…." She should have run away then but oh no, Hinata would see this through! Three magazines later, Naruto looked across the street at a female (?) in the window advertising a brothel. He winced and said, "That's enough (cringe) information gathering. Here we go Hinata-chan!"
Screams of agony are heard as every female are pulverizing a certain self-proclaimed "super pervert" into a pulp.
Now here she was, watching out for the local law enforcement while a swarm of various sexy jutsu transformed shadow clones swept through the streets, causing perverts of more races than she could count collapse in a fountain of multicolored nose-bleeds. What was worse is that the poor unconscious bastards were waking up to find their wallets and credit sticks gone when they awoke from their perversion induced comas….Naruto even took out the local police that stumbled into his trap! They never knew what hit them….
"HOW DARE YOU TURN MY BABY INTO A PERVERT!" Kushina screeches before pummeling Jiraiya even more.
Hinata thought, 'All men are pigs' with a growl as she stepped over a knocked out Gamorrean. He had managed to stay conscious until he started throwing money at the transformed Naruto. Hinata knocked the boar-like alien out like a light at that point and informed Naruto that it was time to leave. Sweating from the intensity of her glare, Naruto signaled his clones to retreat into the shadows and drop the bags off at the ship.
All of the females are nodding at LE (Lunar Eclipse) Hinata's thought. "Perversity aside, that is a good way to rob someone blind." Minato says while sweating at his wife's glare.
Now here they were, back at the Misfire, with Ino gleefully counting up their ill-gotten gains. She was cackling as she separated the bags into cash, credit sticks, and I.D.s they could use or sell for information later. The mind walker said, "I can't believe I'm saying this Naruto; the sexy jutsu is bloody brilliant!"
"I agree. I can't believe I said that!" Ino says with a look of shock.
Shikamaru was forced to agree. "I can't argue with the results; I guess we just have larceny in our hearts." Naruto was hiding in the corner. Hinata had put him in time-out. Shikamaru said lazily, "It's troublesome to say it Naruto, but you are so whipped." Naruto just nodded quietly, hoping Hinata would be calmer when she got out of the shower. After Hinata cleansed herself of embarrassment (and a few of the memories; there didn't seem to be any permanent mental scarring) with a good hot shower, she let Naruto out of time-out and started transferring credits from random small sticks onto a few high-capacity ones for the sake of convenience.
"Whipped!" Jiraiya laughs before getting pummeled again by Tsunade and Kushina.
The much richer crew of the Misfire now had enough money to purchase fake I.D.s, edible food, and (to Shikamaru's horror) a little bit of clothes shopping for the girls. All Naruto cared about at this point was seeing Hinata happy with him again and RAMEN! The beast known as his stomach awakened at some ramen-like scent during his and Hinata's escapade the evening before and would not be denied. Hinata said they could look for it if he behaved today by agreeing to be a pack mule for Ino and Hinata's clothes. Shikamaru was coerced into this trip as well because he couldn't stand up to Hinata and Ino's wrath without Naruto to help him -and Naruto was a spineless jellyfish at this point.
"RAMEN!" Both Uzumaki mother and son shout out in excitement and slight hunger.
So, in an effort to stave off the inevitable clothes shopping, they went down to the Cymbalta port immigration center to see about purchasing I.D.s. Shikamaru called out, "henge no jutsu!" And went in under the appearance of one of the wealthier people that fell victim to Naruto's sexy jutsu the day before, to enquire about getting some "friends" through immigration quickly. After the alien at the desk verified Shikamaru's henged identity (after all, Shikamaru had the man's wallet), he gave Shikamaru a price list of illegal services. The Nara asked incredulously, "You mean to say I can just buy a fake identity outright?"
"Shopping!" Ino squeals in delight. The guys just groan in exasperation.
The immigration officer did not seem fazed at all. "Half the population here is illegally immigrated; what the hell did you expect?"
Shikamaru said in a small voice, "Oh….I'll take four vouchers."
The alien narrowed his eyes and held a clawed hand out and said, "Credits first, vouchers afterwards." After downloading the correct amount of credits, the alien gave him a rictus grin and handed over four vouchers and instructed, "Tell your friends to head over to room five with whatever information they want on their new identity cards; pleasure doing business. Next!"
"There will always be places like that in the world." Jiraiya says with a rictus grin creeping out the others.
Shikamaru wandered out to his friends in a daze with the four vouchers. They decided that their new identities should be as simple as possible; a group of four orphans that grew up on planet Valium. It wasn't very imaginative but Valium was so sparsely settled that no one would know any better. Two hours later they had their new I.D.s in hand and set out to do some shopping. Shikamaru also transferred the ownership of the Misfire and the docking clearance license over to them in case a certain Dug ever tried to get the ship back. Shopping for food was "troublesome" but had to be done. Since they didn't know what half the food even was, it was a bit difficult to decide what to buy. In the end, they sampled several restaurants to get some ideas and took it from there.
"I bet Choji would love that." Shikamaru says with a wistful smile.
Naruto also found the ramen scent and ran into the eating establishment it was coming from at near light speed. When the others caught up with him, he was stumbling out of the building, crying anime tears because he found out the scent was coming from something that was….alive. Needless to say, that wasn't on the menu….Naruto lamented about the unfairness of being denied the Food of the Gods once again. He, Shikamaru, and several Ramen-deprived clones took all of the supplies back to the ship. At Shikamaru's insistence, the clones henged to look like random colonists to avoid drawing attention. They agreed to meet up with the girls afterwards.
Both Uzumaki mother and son are crying anime tears as well.
Ino was a woman on a mission. Now she was in her element….SHOPPING! It had always been a favorite pastime of hers back in Konoha and now it was her God-given task to purchase a new wardrobe for both Hinata and herself. She would not fail! First, she had to get an idea of what she was working with though. She had been on many a shopping spree with Sakura but never Hinata. The shy girl always wore baggy clothes that hid her body and Ino was going to have to do a thorough inspection so she could find clothes that complimented Hinata's body instead of hiding it….Ino commanded, "Alright Hinata, now that we are in the dressing room, I need you to strip. Then the bod squad will go to work!"
"So brash!" Jiraiya giggles perversely, only to be pummeled by the females.
The blushing Hyuuga almost ran at this point but Ino blocked the exit.
Ino sighed, "It's just us girls."
The blue haired girl complied. "Alright, let me get undressed." 'I hope the guys don't show up too quickly. I'd be so embarrassed even knowing Naruto-kun was just on the other side of the wall.' She thought shyly….
Naruto and Shikamaru arrived outside a few minutes later and waited for the girls. That's when they heard Ino's voice from the dressing rooms. "….How the hell did you ever hide those? Good God; you could make a dead man cum with a body like that! What possessed you to cover yourself in baggy clothes?"
"That's something I've always wondered myself." Ino says with a jealous look towards Hinata, more specifically Hinata's bust.
Hinata flushed as red as a tomato and muttered, "I'm just not as confident as you are with my figure…."
Ino then declared, "Well, no more of that Hinata! Men will be worshipping the ground you walk on when I'm done."
Hinata blanched. "Ummm….you don't have to…."
Ino wasn't letting this go. "Nonsense! Think of how much Naruto will like it! If you think he's wrapped around your finger now; this will have him eating out of the palm of your hand." Hinata did want to appeal to Naruto….
Outside, a certain Nara groaned out, "Ino's being even more troublesome than usual Naruto….Naruto?" Shikamaru's companion was sitting there, glass-eyed with a blush. Shikamaru grumbled under his breath, "I don't think this can be more of a drag than it is."
"You think everything is either a drag or troublesome, ya lazy bastard." Ino says with a glare towards her teammate and friend.
Six hours later, Ino had run the boys ragged carrying things, and Hinata had changed back into her modest urban camo. Naruto nearly died of blood loss from seeing Hinata in some of the outfits Ino picked out. Femme fatale or not, Hinata's new look was basically a walking wet dream as far as Naruto was concerned. Hinata was embarrassed showing off like that but secretly giggled at being able to affect Naruto that way.
Both Naruto and Hinata are blushing at Kushina's merciless teasing.
Heroes(?) for hire (Thayer, I'm making this italicized instead of bold. Hope you don't mind.)
A local was talking to Naruto. "Well, there is a mercenaries' guild here on Cymbalta; I don't know much about it but if you're looking for soldier type work, it's that or the local militia. It's over on the east side by the warehouses."
Naruto responded, "Thank you sir." He was finally getting good at Galactic Basic because it was the only language that 90% of the people spoke. He wouldn't be able to work without one of the others to interpret for him otherwise.
That and Hinata asked him, "Please Naruto-kun?" While doing the dreaded puppy-eyes no jutsu -by which point he was putty in her hands….Poor, poor Naruto. He was completely under her spell and didn't even realize it (the kissing was a nice bonus too).
"Just like Minato." Jiraiya says with a shake of his head. "What's that supposed to mean sensei?" Minato asks with a frown. "All Kushina had to do was pout and you were putty in her hands." Tsunade was the one to explain, causing Minato to pout and say that it wasn't true.
Joining the mercenaries' guild was pretty basic. You had to pass a simple background check (the ninja's fabricated ones worked out nicely), assuring you hadn't murdered anyone important, and show you could pass an obstacle course (the guild had to have some standards). After that, you checked a bulletin board for jobs and placed bids on the ones you felt you could handle. If you got the job and completed it successfully, the guild got a percentage and you moved on to the next on. Naruto quipped, "Sounds like a role-playing game, doesn't it?"
"What's a role-playing game?" The readers all ask in confusion, getting no answers.
Shikamaru drawled out, "Yes, but we can get killed for real in this one Naruto. That would be a real drag."
They decided to take easy guard jobs at first. The group decided to keep their more obvious jutsus hidden for now (spitting out fireballs left and right might come back to bite them in the ass later and someone might be looking for them). Basic guard duty around buildings and residences was the bread and butter of things. It was boring but steady work. They also managed to get some scrolls and ink from an art company that allowed Naruto to create basic sealing scrolls and explosive tags. He wasn't as good at sealing as he would have liked but this was a huge boost to the ninja's arsenal.
"Easy my ass. My first body guard mission had me face a member of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist. Then my next few had me dealing with coup de ta's." Naruto says with a dark look on his face.
The idea of another sexy jutsu assault on the populace (brought up by Ino of all people) was shot down on the grounds that they would only pull something like that if they were truly desperate. Besides, the whole red-light district was still in an uproar over "lost profits" from that night. Better to lay low for now.
"I'm sure they are out for blood after that stunt." Jiraiya says with a perverted grin.
They finally got a bigger job guarding a local politician. The Paxil Colonies' Counselor Desyrel Wellbutrin was their client. They were to guard him while he was on Cymbalta; escort him to planet Remeron for a two week visit there and bring him back safely to Cymbalta. At least he was providing transportation. They could burn his precious fuel instead of their own. After being informed by the guild that they got the job, they packed for a month's trip and headed to the client's office to meet him. After they were checked by his regular security; the ninjas were led before Counselor Wellbutrin.
"I'm getting a serious Shibuki vibe here." Naruto mutters with a frown.
Wellbutrin addressed his guards. "I expect you to guard me with your expendable lives. If anyone tries anything cute; you wax them, see?"
Shikamaru said in a bored voice, "…I see. I'm Nara Shikamaru and this is-"
The Counselor cut him off. "I don't care about your names. Just do your job, see? On the other hand, let me know the names of these girls; since they are humans and seem to be fine specimens, I believe I could use their 'other' services." Wellbutrin said with a leer. The kunoichis were less than impressed but Naruto was furious about the comments towards his Hinata-chan. Shikamaru cut Naruto off with a hand signal. He was afraid Naruto was going to throttle the man and had to diffuse things fast.
The kunoichis, Naruto and Minato are getting pissed off at the counselor's comments.
The Nara spoke diplomatically, "Our female companions are security like us and aren't available for 'other' duties.
Wellbutrin huffed, "Such a shame. Well, they'll come to see my charms eventually. Women always do. What are your names ladies?" "Yamanaka Ino." "Hyuuga Hinata." The politician nodded. "Fine. I'll have my secretary show you to your quarters on my ship, the High Rider. Make sure the girls get luxury suites near mine in case they need my company."
"I'ma kill him." Naruto growls, getting a blushing smile from Hinata.
The ninjas were glad they added masks to their gear because it hid their looks of disgust at the man. Shikamaru thought dourly, 'So he's a sexist, apparently racist, narcissistic egomaniac and he's our client. Wonderful; this whole trip is going to be more than troublesome. It's a shame that we can't assassinate him instead of guard him. What a drag.' The ninjas were led down the boarding ramp to the High Rider. When they came aboard, the first thing that became apparent was the over-the-top opulence of the ship. The kunoichis were led to rooms that were each the size of a studio apartment for "entertaining guests" as the valet said. The two ninja were stuck in a closet sized room with two bunks.
"You'll find many nobles are like that in your career." Tsunade says with a sagely nod of the head.
Naruto ranted, "My hole-in-the-wall apartment back in Konoha was better than this and it was a rat's nest! I feel like we should be guarding the girls from our client instead of guarding him Shika."
Shikamaru tried to pacify his companion, "I feel the same way but Ino and Hinata are trained kunoichi. They can defend themselves from that lecher if the need arises."
Naruto whined, "But Shikamaru…."
The Nara cut him off. "No buts! Let's meet up with the girls and plan a watch rotation."
Wellbutrin insisted the girls guarded him during meals and social events; the guys were to guard the rooms while he slept and during private meetings when the counselor wanted to intimidate his "business guests" on the ship. So; with the kunoichi dodging the many passes made at them by the greasy politician and the boys thoughtfully covering the 'safety' cameras focused on the girl's shower areas and beds in their suites, the three-day trip went as smoothly as could be expected. When they finally made it to Remeron, the counselor's antics turned towards seducing the local noble's wives of the planet so the kunoichis were able to relax a little….
"Typical perverted men." Tsunade says with a frown and a shake of her head, getting an agreeing hum from Kushina.
A local crime lord on Remeron was pissed at the good counselor. Desyrel Wellbutrin owed him some substantial funds for his help in the last elections and the politician had not been forthcoming with the cash. It was time to act. He hired two groups of assassins that recently arrived on the scene. It was costly but no one screwed him over. No one.
"Of course, there's a crime lord involved. It's the same with EVERY dirty politician." Minato says with a shake of his head.
The crime lord said, "This is your target, Paxil Colonies' Counselor Desyrel Wellbutrin. You two will take him out." He said pointing to a pair of Twi'leks. "You two humans are here as backup in case they fail. He's hired some Cymbalta security muscle but I doubt they will be much of a challenge to people of your caliber. He's staying here on Remeron, at the governor's mansion. Now go."
"I wonder who the two humans are." Jiraiya says curiously, getting nods of agreement from the others. "That's the end of the chapter so who would like to read next?" Kushina asks.
This certainly took a while, but here's chapter 2. Now, my dear readers, I would like to know if YOU want me to bring in both Anko and Iruka for the next chapter. As always, R&R.
This is Scheffinator signing off!