So, with the three-year anniversary and the new chapter in a few days, it's occurred to me that since it's been several months since the last update, since this story is really freaking long, and since the plot is real convoluted and confusing anyway, there's probably a whole lot of stuff that's been forgotten during the hiatus and a lot of people are probably lost. So, to help clear things up, I decided to write up a summary of most of the important points of the story so far. To that end, I give you:
Imperfect Metamorphosis
The Abridged Version
Spring had come to Gensokyo, and nobody cared. Well, except for Lily White, but it's kinda her job.
Lily: SPRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNG!
Unfortunately she runs afoul of Team Nineball, who immediately start to troll her.
Team9: Torment!
Lily: I hate you all! (runs into a tree)
That done, Team Nineball find out that a certain mad magician known for her love of wanton property damage had stolen a very suspicious magical box from another magician known for her deadly knowledge of the arcane arts. Naturally, they decide that stealing said box is the thing to do.
This goes about as well as you'd expect.
Marisa: MASTER SPARK!
Team9: RUN AWAY!
Despite taking a beating, they manage to get away with the box. A box, it should be reiterated, that had been previously owned by two dangerous magicians and probably shouldn't be tampered with. They open it anyway.
This…goes about as well as you'd expect.
Cirno: Oh no, carnivorous booger!
Rumia: Ah! Don't eat me!
She gets eaten.
Team9 (sans Rumia): OH NOES!
Wriggle: Get Reimu!
They go do that.
Meanwhile, the carnivorous booger turns into an evil looking copy of Rumia, and goes loping off towards Eientei for some reason. As for Rumia herself, she wakes up floating around in a big, empty world of blackness with a crazy girl named Rin Satsuki. And they're both naked.
Rin: Hi Rumia! My name's Rin! Sorry about eating you and all, but I was real lonely, and wanted someone to be my friend! And you looked like you could be my friend, so I brought you here so we could be bestest best friends, you know?
Rumia takes this about as well as you'd expect.
Meanwhile, the rest of Team Nineball make it to Hakurei Shrine, where they meet the crabby shrine maiden hero Reimu Hakurei, perpetually drunken oni adventurer Suika Ibuki, master of borders and sorta-owner of Gensokyo Yukari Yakumo, and (former) evil overlord and (semi-retired) notorious sorceress ghost Mima.
Cirno: Reimu! Help us save Rumia.
Reimu: No.
Yukari, however, appears to know something.
Yukari: Do it, bitch.
Reimu: Fine.
They go off and run into Marisa, who's still kind of pissed off at Team Nineball, so she blows them up. Nobody really cares, and Marisa joins the group. As they go looking for Rin Satsuki, Yukari explains a few things.
Yukari: So yeah, as it so happens, Rumia's really this super-evil, super-powerful youkai who really liked to kill things back in the day. Your mother and I were the ones who stopped her the first time around, and Mima helped us make her into a not-problem.
Reimu: How?
Yukari: Well, first we beat her up…
Reimu: Okay.
Yukari: Then we put a ribbon into her hair!
Reimu: …why do we let you run things again?
Meanwhile, Rin makes it to Eientei. As it turns out, she used to work for Eirin Yagokoro as a nurse, until some weird experiment turned her into a man-eating blob of mucus. And she didn't even get worker's comp. Go figure. Anyway, Rin wants to clear the air between her and Eirin, so she walks in and asks for an appointment. Naturally, the predictable happens.
Eirin: OPEN FIRE!
Rin: Gabrabbgbgabarg!
But she starts adapting to the bullets, and Eirin puts two and two together. Given that she's a super-genius from the Moon, she's capable of at least that.
Eirin: Rin? Is that you?
Rin: Ow…
And then Reimu and co. show up.
Yukari: OPEN FIRE!
Eirin: No, wait!
Rin: Gabrabbgbgabarg!
Things kinda spiral out of control from there, but long story short, nearly everyone gets the crap beaten out of them, Rin gets away, but not before absorbing Kaguya Houraisan and Fujiwara no Mokou, thus gaining their immortality, and Rin is pissed off at everything!
Oh yeah, and some creepy voice starts talking in Rin's head at one point.
(Totally Not Evil) Ex-Rumia: Hey Rin! I'm your angry side! Listen to me, okay?
Rin: Something smells fishy about this, but okay.
Yeah, that doesn't work out well for anyone.
Rin: HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME?
Ex-Rumia (Who Is Most Definitely Not Evil): …really? Moron. (disappears into somewhere)
But anyway, the place is a mess, and after learning that Rin can adapt to and absorb any kind of energy attack, can regenerate from anything, can eat people and use their powers, and is quite possibly carrying around Rumia's super-powerful, homicidal past-self (which she totally is not, and don't let anyone tell you differently!), Yukari decides it's time to round up the posse and calls in Gensokyo's leaders to formulate a battle plan!
Only about half show up, and those that do spend most of the time insulting each other.
Yukari: I need a new job…
Meanwhile, Team Nineball decide to take matters into their own hands.
Cirno: Let's put a bounty on the blob monster!
Wriggle: We're broke, dumbass.
Mystia: I'm not. (shows a shitload of money)
Everyone Else: HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE LOADED!
That done, Cirno decides that the next thing they need is protection! Of course, that means bringing in a certifiable monster onto the team is totally a great idea!
Cirno: Hey, Wriggle! You used to date Yuuka Kazami, right?
Wriggle: Only in the loosest of terms.
Cirno: Great! Go ask her to help.
Wriggle: NO!
She ends up doing it anyway. And nothing was ever the same again.
Yuuka: This is my story now, kiddies!
And it was.
Meanwhile, Rin gets tired of having Kaguya and Mokou hanging around, and kicks them out of her head and creates a spin-off!
Mokou: Go read Rhapsody of Subconscious Desire, if you haven't already!
Kaguya: Seriously, the jerks are more charming, there's a lot of crazy monsters, and we have actual lesbians!
Mokou: Just the one.
Kaguya: Squared.
Mokou: What?
Ahem. Anyway, after that happens, Rin goes digging around in Rumia's head for clues about her past. While she does that, Rumia goes on a weird-ass trip through dreamland, during which she encounters a circus, a burned down building, a burning cross, and a tarot card reading. Symbolism, ahoy!
Oh yeah, and this person comes back.
Ex-Rumia (Who Is Totally Evil After All): Yo.
Rin: I kill you!
This…backfires.
Ex-Rumia: See you in RoSD, bitches!
Awkward.
Meanwhile, things are starting to get at least a little optimistic elsewhere.
Reisen: Hey Reimu, Rin's really not that bad. Could you, like, help her, instead of trying to kill her.
Reimu: Sure. Hey Kanako and Byakuren, you guys wanna help?
Byakuren: Of course!
Kanako: Hell no!
Byakuren: Please?
Kanako: Ugh. Fine!
While all that is going on, Yuuka beats up Yukari's police-captain (AKA henchwoman) Kotohime and has her deliver a personal challenge to Yukari. Soon after, she hurts both of Yukari's Shikigami. Because when you've been tasked with protecting a group of local troublemakers, the first thing you want to do is piss off the most powerful person in the country! Also, she threatens to break anyone Yukari sends after her.
Yukari: Okay, so this is happening now.
Satori: If I may offer a suggestion…
Following Satori's advice and disregarding Yuuka's warning, Yukari starts rounding up a gang of pawns. First are Remilia Scarlet and the rest of the SDM gang.
Remilia: Haha, Yukari! I am blackmailing you!
Yukari: No, actually I am blackmailing you.
Remilia: …so you are.
Next are Marisa and Mima.
Kotohime: You're under arrest!
Marisa: Godsdamnit!
Yukari: Hey, I had you arrested because you're dangerous and I don't like you. But I'd be willing to let you off if you-
Marisa: Go to hell!
Yukari: -partake in a huge, insanely violent battle against a super-being, during which you'll be given the opportunity to play with god-tier spells and reduce a significant portion of the landscape into fine powder.
Marisa: …may I have your babies?
And later...
Mima: Marisa! I have come to rescue you.
Marisa: Nah, it's cool. See, there's gonna be a big old fight, and they'll let me go if I join. Hey, wanna come with?
Mima: Sure.
And of course, Satori and her pets are already on board. Oh, and these guys show up too.
Yuyuko: Hello, Yukari! I just ran into Yuuka, and I do not think she likes you.
Yukari: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
Yuyuko: Oh, you know. Around.
Yukari: And this is my ruler of the dead. No wonder we can never get anything done.
Oh yeah. This happens at one point.
Eirin: Yukari, I found the Shadow Youkai's sword. It's…kind of nasty.
Yukari: And familiar. Ooooh boy.
Reimu shows up.
Reimu: Yukari, stop being such a jerk!
Yukari: Oh, you're so precious. Say, if you'd be so kind to forego the self-righteous rant for today, check this out. Turns out the Shadow Youkai is the avatar of Azrael.
Reimu: The who of the what now?
Yukari: She's the reincarnation of an insane, genocidal Fallen Angel. And these two can back me up on this.
Sariel and Shinki: It's true.
Reimu: Oh. That's…problematic.
Yukari: But on the plus side, that means these two have to help me now!
Shinki: Yeah, fine. Sure.
That was two years ago. Shinki and Sariel still haven't made a reappearance.
And speaking of which…
Rin and Rumia: Are we even still in this story?
Yeah, okay. You run into Reimu for a chapter.
Reimu: No, Rin! Come back to the light!
Rin: It's too late for me.
Okay, it wasn't quite so eloquent. Anyway, it doesn't work.
Readers: Oh, come on!
Hehehe.
Anyway, Yukari gets her group of illegal mercenaries together, and plans how to kill Yuuka.
Yukari: So, I'm going to distract her for a while, then I'll bring you guys in. You'll beat the shit out of her, Flandre will blow her up, and we'll seal her in this nifty little crystal. Simple!
Mima: There are so many ways this will go wrong.
Yukari: You mean "could," right?
Mima: No.
Yuuka and Yukari finally have their big fight. Which stretches over three giant chapters. Lotsa stuff happens, but the summation of it is: nothing goes right.
First, Yuuka divides herself into four Yuukas, and attacks all of Yukari's lackeys simultaneously.
Remilia and Friends.: Oh no!
Satori and Friends: Oh no!
Yukari: You cheating bitch!
Marisa: I am so fucking high right now!
No, she really is. Anyway, Remilia's group gets the snot beaten out of them, and Flandre gets staked and sealed in a crystal meant for Yuuka.
Remilia: Flandre! NOOOOOO!
And then the cave blows up. They're okay though.
Same thing happens to Satori's group, only it's Satori that gets put in a crystal.
Utsuho: Satori! NOOOOOO!
And then she blows up. She gets better though.
And Marisa's group (consisting of her, Mima, Yuyuko, and Youmu), also gets knocked around.
Marisa: Except for me!
Yeah, yeah, except for you. In fact, despite being the only mortal on the team, she's the only one to not get hurt, and is the only one to successfully kill and seal up a Yuuka. Turns out, overloading yourself with magic drugs does have its benefits.
Marisa: YOLO, bitches!
Except for the part where she gets deathly ill immediately after. And stays that way for weeks.
Marisa: Medic! (barf)
Don't do drugs, kids.
Oh yeah, the three remaining Yuukas come together to form one Yuuka, which then beats the crap out of Yukari.
Yukari: What the hell are you?
Yuuka: You ever read Lovecraft?
Yukari: Aw shit.
She goes berserk and toasts Yuuka down to the bone. And then does some sort of weird metaphysical soul-combiny-crushy thing.
And then this happens.
Yuuka: Wait…What is happening here? Are those…other universes? With other Gensokyos? And other Yuukas?
Uh-huh.
Yuuka: Ah! Who are you?
The writer. Hi!
Yuuka: Did I just break the fourth wall?
So it seems.
Yuuka: Wait, so are you controlling me, or am I dictating what you write?
I dunno.
Yuuka: But you must! You can't just do something like this and not…Why aren't you wearing pants?
Okay, conversation over!
So everyone who's left puts themselves back together and goes home. Yuuka and Yukari are so busted up that they're bedridden for most of the next arc.
Team9: Are we even still in this story?
Not really.
But anyway, a few chapters of emoness go by. Reimu and Kanako both have crises of faith, but get over them. Marisa and Reimu become estranged for a while because Marisa almost killed somebody earlier, but they make up. Alice is still kinda pissed though. Bitches, man. And oh yeah, this happens.
Reisen: Did you order a bunch of guns especially designed to attack Rin?
Eirin: Looks that way.
Reisen: I QUIT!
She brain-scrambles Eirin.
Eirin: I'm a little teapot, short and stout!
Reisen: Oh crap. Better run!
Eirin gets better.
Eirin: You know, a simple two-week notice would have been fine!
She hasn't shown up since.
In the meantime, Reisen runs to Reimu's shrine!
Reisen: Hey Reimu, I know you already got a lot to do, seeing how I convinced you to start a secret campaign to save Rin that will get you into a whole lot of trouble if you got caught, but I kinda just attacked my boss, who is really powerful, influential, and bad tempered, and ran away. Think I could bunk here for a while?
Reimu: …
Reisen: I'll cook and clean for you.
Reimu: Fine, you can have the couch.
Reisen: But…you don't have a couch.
Reimu: I know. Anyway, this flying and talking turtle is Genji. He's old and grumpy, but otherwise all right. Genji, this is Reisen. She'll be staying with us for a few days.
Genji: HELLOOOOO NURSE!
Reisen: (blushes and giggles)
Reimu: Okay, that was traumatizing. Don't do it again. And oh yeah, Mima sometimes hangs out here. She kinda this ghostly sorceress who's really strong, really smart, kind of a prick, is sort of evil, and is my family's ancestral enemy.
Reisen: Uh, okay…
Reimu: But it's okay, she's cool now!
Reisen: Why?
Reimu: Because…uh…huh.
Reisen: …
Reimu: You know, I should probably put some more thought into that.
True to form, Mima eventually shows up.
Mima: Hi kids, did'ja miss me?
Reimu: Oh crap…
Mima: Oh, come on! I'm on your team now. Besides, you need my help with that whole Rin Satsuki thing, don't you?
Reisen: Wait, you're helping me? Why?
Mima: Because your little campaign has not only united three of Gensokyo's most prominent places of worship, but put them in a position that threatens to destroy everything they've worked so hard to build if they're found out, all to save one person who is probably too far gone and will most likely kill us all! That is so neat that I just have to see how it ends!
Reisen: …oh.
Reimu: Wait, did you say something?
Mima: Nope.
Meanwhile, Rin and Rumia finally come back. And true to form, things just can't go right for them.
First they're chased by mushroom people.
R&R: Run away!
Then they crash into the Ancient City, and get beat up by Suika and Yuugi.
Rin: Hey, I figured out how to fight!
Yamame and Kisume: We're making a cameo!
Rin: Hey, I figured out how to control my evil, kill-everything powers!
Rumia: Fantastic. Now let's celebrate by GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
They do, and in the process, Utsuho shows up and accidentally blows up a building. She gets put on time-out.
Rin and Rumia then get chased all over Gensokyo, and Cirno's bounty hunters (remember those?) all go after her. Reimu and Marisa head out, meet up with Sanae, and Mima watches from afar. This is where things get…complicated.
Readers: Weren't they always?
I mean complicated for me.
Readers: Weren't they always?
Shut up. Anyways…
Rin is flying willy-nilly all over the place, and as she's passing by the Youkai Mountain, she runs into a bit of a problem: a giant robotic spider called the Strutter piloted by the Asakura sisters. Moments later, a giant humanoid robot called the Hisoutensoku shows up, piloted by Nitori.
Nitori: (babbles excitedly in a nearly incomprehensible dialect)
And naturally, the first thing they do is beat the crap out of each other. And…
(record scratch)
Sigh. Look, I hated this fucking storyline, and don't really feel like reliving it in detail. So, brief summary: Tony and the Three Fairies of Light get decapitated or blown up and are arrested upon revival, along with Nitori and the Asakuras. Nue and Mamizou show up, get beat up, and Rin eventually eats them behind Reimu's back, gaining their shapeshifting abilities. Yuuka comes back, hijacks the Strutter, but it's destroyed by Sanae and Mima in the Hisoutensoku and the Palaquin. Rin scares both Yuuka and Reimu with her strength and increasing madness, and the former is talked into leaving by Kanako. Rin is almost talked into giving herself up by Reimu and Kanako, but decides to split when Yukari shows up at the end, thinking that that door had just been slammed in her face. And Meira becomes the first canon character to be killed off when she saves Reimu from the berserk Strutter. And that was that.
And while we're on the subject, did you know the whole robot fight was only supposed to be one chapter? ONE CHAPTER! Just that first clash between Nitori and the Asakuras in Heavy Metal, and things would have gone straight on to Methods and Motives of Monsters! That's it! But noooooooo, everything had to go off the fucking rails, forcing me to elongate the whole thing well past its welcome, drag Yuuka off the bench several chapters early just to dig my ass out of the hole I had stuck myself in, to the point where I was sick and tired of the whole goddamned thing and seriously considering abandoning the story entirely to work on Resonance Days exclusively, and I swear to God if I ever consider using those bloody robots again, someone better clock me upside the head before the madness utterly consumes my-
Yuuka: Excuse me, dear.
Yeah, what?
Yuuka: I think you've complained enough on this subject, and our adoring audience is probably getting sick of it. So it's probably best to let the subject lie, wouldn't you agree?
Oh, fine. I knew I'd regret giving you fourth-wall privileges.
Yuuka: Besides, that catastrophe led to more of me! How could that be a bad thing?
Lady, remind me to show you some of the posts on Spacebattles one of these days.
(sigh)
Anyway!
So…that all happened. Rin sneaks away, and Yukari, who is still really ill by the way, had just finished up getting permission to kill Rin from the Kirin queen (who grants it because she's kind of a bitch) and arranged to talk with the King of Dreams about the Yuuka problem (seeing how Yuuka originally came from the Dream World), only to come back and find a spectacular mess. She finds out about Reimu's plans to help Rin and takes her aside for a personal chat, though she promises to hear Reimu out. Their debate includes a history lesson and can be summarized as such:
Yukari: Reimu, while I respect your morals and empathize with your reservations concerning the necessity of ending Rin Satsuki's life, the fact of the matter is that she simply is too dangerous to be allowed to live. Her power, her near-indestructibility, her deteriorating mental state, and the fact that she might be influenced by the single greatest mass-murderer in history makes her a deadly threat to the whole of Gensokyo. I know that she didn't really choose any of this and is a victim, but her life is not more valuable than that of the people she's endangering. I too have, in the past, risked others' lives in order to save someone I thought I could redeem, only to fail, causing the deaths of hundreds of innocents. I'm sorry, but Gensokyo must be protected at all costs.
Reimu: I understand where you're coming from, and you make many good points, but things are not quite as simple as you've made them out to be. It is true that Rin is both extremely powerful and becoming progressively more unstable, but her anger and violent impulses rise in response to being attacked, and attempting to kill her will only drive her further into rage-fueled madness. Furthermore, thanks to that nigh-invulnerability you mentioned, it will take an incredibly long time to finally bring her down, during which there will most likely be heavy casualties, and in the end the best you can hope for is an extremely bloody victory. However, despite her mistrust, she has shown a willingness to cooperate with those who offer to help her, and might just cooperate should an opportunity for her to regain her old life present itself. Your way, while well-intentioned, will just drive her into becoming the monster you fear while causing untold amounts of damage, which, given that Yuuka is still at large, is not something you can afford. My way has already been shown to have a chance at succeeding and will resolve many of our problems without bloodshed, which will in turn free you to settle the Yuuka problem without distractions.
Yukari: You make a very compelling argument, and while I still have a great many reservations, I will allow you continue as you have and offer my support in any way I can. However, be aware that for your idea to work, a cure for her condition must be found. Furthermore, I strongly discourage any further operations that do not have my knowledge or consent, as given the current threat-level we cannot afford to be at cross-purposes.
Reimu: Understood, and thank you for being reasonable.
Yukari: Not at all.
Only, of course it was considerably less…brief. And polite. Seriously, Yukari drops Reimu into a jail cell at one point, and Reimu strongly considers flipping her off at another.
But while all that is going on, Rin is doing her best to undermine Reimu's arguments by behaving like the dangerous lunatic that Yukari was so afraid of.
Rin: Imma go get revenge on everyone who was mean to me! HA HA HA HA!
Rumia: I hate my life.
And since Eirin and the Asakuras have already beat up and/or screwed over, that leaves Patchouli Knowledge and Sakuya Izayoi. So she disguises herself and sneaks into the Scarlet Devil Mansion, where Remilia is just getting over an extremely long moping period over losing Flandre.
Naturally, hell breaks loose within minutes.
Rin: HA HA HA! I AM SCARY!
The SDM Crew: Holy crap, she's scary!
Rumia: Can we hurry this along? We're kind of on a clock here.
Rin: NO! I want to play with them first!
Rumia: See? This is why everything you do ends up failing spectacularly. Because you're a freaking idiot!
Remilia comes up with a nifty plan to stop her, which first involves Meiling distracting Rin in hand-to-hand combat.
Meiling: Meiling PAWWWWWNCH!
Rin: PILEDRIVER!
But Meiling manages to knock Rin into a box. The same kind of box she had been locked up back at the beginning of the story.
Rin: OH NOES!
Rumia: Told'ja so.
And so Rin is finally captured.
Sakuya: So, are we going to hand her over to Yukari now, redeem ourselves in her eyes, and end a good portion of this nightmare?
Remilia: No, I'm giving her to Yuuka.
Patchouli: Wait, what, huh?
Yuuka arrives.
Yuuka: I'm HEEEERRREEEE!
Remilia: Trade you Rin for Flandre.
Yuuka: And if I say no?
Remilia: Please?
Yuuka: No.
She leaves with both Rin and Flandre, but leaves the full bounty amount behind. In one-yen notes.
Remilia: Nothing I do goes right!
Patchouli: Gee, I wonder why.
Yuuka takes Rin back to her mansion.
Elly: So…now that you have the only being in Gensokyo capable of killing you locked up in a box, you're going to drop it into a deep, dark hole a million miles away, right?
Yuuka: Nope! I'm going to open it right here and now!
Elly: What? Why?
Yuuka: Because PLOT!
She opens the box.
Rin: YOU!
Yuuka: Hi! Let's have some girl time together!
And that's where we are now. There's probably some stuff I overlooked, but I think I got most of the important bits. Hopefully, that clears some things up and brings other things back to remembrance. And hopefully I didn't just make things even more convoluted and confusing than they already are.
…
I just made things more convoluted and confusing, didn't I?
Goddamn it.