Eipurirufuru
With a weary groan, Yukari stepped out of the gap and into the foyer of her house. Opening doors to the Borderlands didn't hurt as much as it used to, but it still stung her eyes and made the back of her hands erupt into pins and needles.
Scratching her wrists, she hobbled over to a chair and heavily plopped down. Good gods, what a mess. From Rin Satsuki being handed off to Yuuka Kazami to fighting with Reimu over Remilia Scarlet's fate. Screw it. She could go see Byakuren tomorrow. For now, she just wanted to have something to eat and go to bed. "Ran?" she said as she removed her boots. "Do you have supper ready?"
No answer. Yukari frowned. Come to think of it, she couldn't detect Ran nor Chen's presence anywhere in the house. That was very odd. Chen was still grounded, and even if she had errands to run, Ran wouldn't have left without first informing Yukari of what she had to do.
"Ran?" she said, even if she knew it was pointless. She eased herself to her feet, ignoring her protesting joints. "Is anyone here?"
There was no response, but Yukari still received an answer. There was someone else in the house. She felt another presence, one that was cold and rotten, yet strong.
The hairs on the back of Yukari's neck stood up. She grabbed a sword-cane from the umbrella stand, unsheathed it, and cautiously moved into the living room.
The entire house was covered in darkness. The air was musty and chilled. Frowning, Yukari sent a mental command, and the blade of her sword started to glow with a faint white light. However, it wasn't strong enough to pierce the black.
Suddenly, a fire flared to life in the fireplace. It snapped and hissed, sending flickering shadows dancing across the carpet. Again, it wasn't enough to illuminate the room, but it did reveal enough of Yukari's chair for her to see the hunched figure sitting there, waiting for her.
Yukari stood still, staring. The only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the intruder's low breathing. Shaking herself, Yukari said, "I hope you have a good reason for breaking into my house. I am not overly fond of trespassers."
The intruder let out a low chuckle, a dry, hissing sound. "Of that I have no doubt," she said, straightening up and opening her eyes. A pair of burning scarlet orbs pierced into Yukari's gaze. "But then, when have I ever been concerned with what you want?"
Yukari inhaled sharply. Oh no. Oh gods, no. "Rumia," she whispered, taking an involuntary step back.
"Yes," said the Shadow Youkai as she rose from Yukari's chair. In the darkness, her wings were looming shadows spread out to either side of her. "I'd say the one and the only, but it seems that such is no longer the case. But then, I have you to thank for that."
Gritting her teeth, Yukari forced herself not to retreat. "How did you get here?" she demanded. "Did you escape? Did you take over Rin Satsuki?"
Though Yukari could barely see the Shadow Youkai's face, it was clear that she was smiling. However, she offered no response.
"Answer me!" Yukari demanded. She jabbed forward with her sword. "How did you get here? Where's Ran? Where's Chen?"
"I'm sorry, who?"
"My Shikigami!"
"Ah, yes. That's right. Them." A flicker of motion, and Yukari's sword was knocked from her hands. It went clattering across the floor, its light extinguished.
The Shadow Youkai stood with her own sword naked in her hands, the point of its twisted blade hovering mere centimeters' from Yukari's neck. "I'll be happy to answer all of your questions, Yukari," she said. "But you need to do one thing for me first."
Yukari stared back, refusing to let the fear show on her face. "And what's that?"
"I need you to…"
And as if on cue, the audience shouted out, "MAKE YOUR CHOICE!"
Suddenly, the room was flooded with golden light, revealing an expensive stage set surrounded by cameras. Rumia stood dressed in an expensive tailored suit with a microphone in one hand, and a snazzy top hat on her head. Behind her were three doors, each one painted with a number and ringed by flashing lights.
"That's right, Yukari!" Rumia announced. "Behind one of these doors are your beloved Shikigami, Ran and Chen Yakumo! You need only to pick the right one, and they will be free to go! But before you…" She paused dramatically.
"MAKE YOUR CHOICE!" the audience shouted again.
"…they have a little message for you."
Overhead, a screen was lowered. On it, Yukari could see Ran and Chen tied together and hanging from a chain. They were dangling over a vat off evil looking green liquid. But despite their peril, the two youkai didn't seem much distressed.
"Do your best, Yukari-sama!" Chen said encouragingly. "We're all counting on you!"
"Good luck, Master!" Ran added. "I know you can do it!"
The screen winked out and rose out of sight. "So, there it is!" Rumia said. "Choose the right door, and you and your Shikigami go free! Choose the wrong door, and they're in for a very hot bath. Choose the other wrong door, and you'll be dumped in the bath instead!" With a flourish, she swung her hand out toward the doors. "So go ahead, Yukari! It's time to…"
"MAKE YOUR CHOICE!"
Biting her lip, Yukari examined each of the doors in turn. They seemed to be identical, save for the numbers. Behind her, the audience continued to shout words of encouragement.
"It's door one! Pick door one!"
"Three! Choose three!"
"Go for it, Yukari! We believe in you!"
Finally, Yukari grabbed the handle to the third door. The audience cheered, and she gave it a twist. The door swung open.
Behind it was nothing but darkness.
"Oh, too bad!" Rumia said as a buzzer went off. The audience groaned. "I'm afraid that means…you're the one to take the dunk, Yukari!"
A trapdoor opened beneath Yukari's feet, and she fell screaming.
"Tough luck," Rumia lamented as the trapdoor close, cutting off Yukari's cries. "And I was so sure she was going to make it." She turned back to the audience, and the show's fanfare started to play as everyone applauded. "Well, that's all the time we have for today, folks! Remember to spay and neuter your youkai, and I hope you'll join us next week for another exciting show of…"
"MAKE YOUR CHOICE!"
…
Yukari bolted upright, her heart pounding like a drum. Her breath was coming out in gasps, and her eyes searching wildly. She was at home in her own bed, not falling to her death. Still, the fear of it still sang through her mind.
Beside her, Yuuka stirred and sleepily mumbled, "It's just a dream, sweetie. Go back to slee-"
…
Yuuka bolted upright, her breath caught in her throat. She breathed in and out, trying to get her panicked heart under control. She was in her own bed, not Yukari's. It was just a dream, nothing more than a dream.
Then, once she had regained her composure, she looked up to the ceiling, her single eye narrowing in displeasure.
"I suppose you think you're real funny, don't you?" she demanded.
…
Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I do.
April Fools, everyone! Real chapter's coming on the 19th.