Fetch
After a litany of banal tests, Shinji couldn't help but notice the sense of unease that emanated from Ritsuko like waves. The acrid taste of subdued panic followed her like a miasma. He chanced a quick blink of the nicitating membranes, and through the haze of her radiated body heat, Shinji watched her heart's beating much faster than normal. It was obvious she suspected something afoul was going on, bit how much she knew was a question Shinji would very much like to know.
It was however funny to think that there wasn't much she could do about it. With his prescience of a timeline never to pass, Shinji knew that he was instrumental to the plans and machinations of many would-be kings desiring a taste of Godhood, a taste Shinji was more than happy to temp them with before snatching it away. Still, Ritsuko's hesitancy was acrid and unpalatable to the tongue. Logically it made sense, or so Shinji thought, he was he was not a person, not anymore, just a thing shaped like a person. Perhaps she was instinctively picking up on that, or perhaps she knew something she shouldn't, which was entirely possible, in those dark, cold, forgotten places between the stars there were monsters, and some were crawling out of those dark places and into the light. Whatever the reason, it still tasted foul, and these tests couldn't end quickly enough just to stop tasting it.
...
Actually, now that he thought on it, why did he taste her fear? How did he know what he tasted was fear?
...
Something to muse on for another day. Right now Shinji sighed as Ritsuko poked and prodded him with needles and probes. Idly he'd watch as his skin swirled around his bones.
Ritsuko meanwhile couldn't help but feel something was off. Shinji was staring at his own hand, eyes moving around oddly, less like he was looking at every bruise and blemish on his skin, and more like his eyes were flowing around. Like there was something crawling on his hand that Ritsuko could not see. It was subtle, but she couldn't shake that thought after the had it. Her own eyes traveled to several nearby screens as they continued to display that Shinji was normal.. Abnormally so.
When you get down to it, no one is normal, there is always some imperfection, even if it's minor. Yet every reading came back with out any outliers in his vitals. His blood pressure, neural activity, blood flow, and breathing were all within the exact ranges of what would be considered average, there was not a single beat of his heart was out of sync, and he even blinked exactly 15 times and took a breath 18 times per minute each without fail.
Every single time the analysis came back exactly the same, down to the very last digit. Nothing changed at all, not even by the smallest fraction of a percentage. There was no other way Ritsuko could describe it than Shinji being abnormally nornal. Even looking at him made Ritsuko sick. His face was perfectly symmetrical in every way. The only bit of asymmetry was the way his hair parted, and only just barely.
It just wasn't natural. Perfection doesn't exist, and for a damn good reason. Perfection is a goal to strive towards, but you're not meant to every achieve it. It wasn't even perfection in the sense of being handsome or beautiful, it was just the perfect model of a normal human, albeit an adolescent one. On a whim she took various measurements of Shinji... It was at this time that the Magi came back with a very... Unusual set of measurements. It took a moment before Ritsuko realized that this was the work of Iruel.
Analysis: Four fingers equal one palm, four palms equal one foot, six palms make one cubit, four cubits equal subjects height, four cubits equal one pace, and 24 palms equal the subject.
...
Ritsuko blinked before she registered what Iruel was displaying, Shinji was a spot on match for Leonardo da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, right down to the smallest millimeter.
Query: Who is subject?
Ritsuko glanced back at Shinji, who continued to stare at his own hand before looking back at the text before her. Unknown to her however, her shift in mood had drawn the attention of the Third Child.
Ritsuko however immediately found herself staring at the screen.
Iruel, the Fallen Angel.
...
While the Angels existence would no doubt further her knowledge of the Angels... It was still an Angel, fallen or not.
Her lips thinned as thoughts of the Third Child turned to the newest... Member of the team. It was a unanimous decision among the old men that Iruel was deemed an asset. No doubt due to how deep Iruel had twisted itself with the MAGI. Dismantling and destroying it would only push back the date for Instrumentality, and the Old Men weren't getting any younger. Really Keel and his retirement community should just go back to bed, preferably forever.
Still, to know that this... Thing had intertwined itself with the greatest computer ever devised only increased Ritsuko's own gnawing sense of paranoia and unease... But at the same time... It also presented so many opportunities that Ritsuko couldn't allow to slip through her fingers. It took a moment before Iruel sent another message.
(Reiterate) Query: Who is Subject?
Ritsuko took a small breath before typing in 'Shinji Ikari'. Upon doing so she turned to Shinji... And froze.
He was staring at her. Unblinking with that blank mask upon his face. A small ember of interest hidden only within his eyes. He looked away, but it took a second longer than most other people would have. Back to staring at his hand, Ritsuko felt her heart beat quicken in her chest before the ping on the screen drew her attention.
Statement: All Biometrics are within acceptable parameters
Query: Why are you repeating tests?
Ritsuko simply typed in "Abnormally Normal" before she got to her feet.
Things were off the rails. Ever since that damned lizard crawled out of the Ocean, nothing had been the same. Her preconceived notions of how the world worked was shattered, leaving nothing but questions in her head without any answers. Observations without context, and each time she thought she made a breakthrough, something else happened that overturned all her hypothesis. None stood up to scrutiny when another thing came along that by all accounts shouldn't exist.
One step forward, two steps back.
"You can go now." Said Ritsuko dismissively as she picked up her pack of cigarettes.
Her nerves were shot, and she needed a cigarette now. By the time she lit it, Shinji was gone. Leaving only her alone in the lab... That is until her monitor pinged. Her eyes widened at what was displayed on the screen.
Analysis: Complete
Statement: Iruel compared Shinji Ikari's vitals to other recorded and archived files
Conclusion: Shinji Ikari Too Human to be Human
Designation: Iruel agrees withUser: Ritsuko
Shinji Ikari is not Human
Query: Should Iruel begin Observation Protocols?
[Y/N]
Ritsuko looked to the Monitor for only a second, before pressing the Y key.
Acknowledged
Misato raised a brow as Shinji rapidly sifted through radio stations. Songs and static filled the car, each time the music barely had time to play before Shinji switched over to the next one. This continued for... An uncomfortable ammount of time before Shinji just switched off the radio. The Third Child crossed his arms as he leaned back in his seat.
"Is it just me, or are the vast majority of songs love songs in one form or another?"
"Never actually thought about it to be honest with you." Said Misato dismissively.
Shinji hummed a short note before looking out the window. A comfortable silence filled the car for a few moments before Shinji turned his gaze to watch the flowing of his skin. It was somewhat hypnotic how it moved. After a moment, Shinji looked to the rising sun. He really did need to regroup with Kensuke and find out what had happened to Toji. He could wait until he got back to the apartment, but as he looked at the passing landscape, his heat sensitive ocular membranes saw a familiar, vaguely canine-esque figure in the distant forest. His nicitating membranes slid back into his sockets as he humming contemplatively. Shinji looked at Misato in the corner of his vision, noticing she was focused on the road.
Looking back where what he believed Kensuke to be, Shinji thought on the preceding events and mused upon his previous battle against Cthugha, and recalled what Nyarlathotep had said.
Words had power, words could do anything. The universe itself was built on words woven and gibbered together by Azathoth. The right words said in the right way at the right time have dramatic effects.
Words can shape reality.
Words were the first thing invented by man, and language as a construct, is an essential part of human culture. It even predates our species by whatever protohuman uttered the first true word that was recognized as such by another. Before computers and trains, before the wheel, before we mastered fire, we made words and told stories.
Perhaps this notion of words themselves having power is instinctively known to mankind. Tales and stories exist where magic is based on or at least invoked by language. Invocations and spells casted by speaking, but even that is merely a skin deep understanding of the power of words. It isn't even a language per say, just simple words imparting their meaning into the universe itself, and when the universe hears it, reality becomes mutable based on what is said. Delving into that idea deeper, an epiphany came over Shinji. The quintessence of humanity was simply a word. He was a word. A living, breathing, and more importantly, thinking word. All life was in fact nothing more than words. What made life different from every other word, was the fact that, for some forms of life at least, they were words who could speak. Words that made words. Words with names.
Words like that cannot be false, True Words are, if it is not already true, becomes true, even if the world has to bend to make it so. Anyone could speak a word, but by learning the true meaning of words you speak, and putting your soul in it, you could work miracles.
The distant form of Kensuke was growing smaller as Shinji searched for just the right kind of word... before one came to mind.
"Fetch." He whispered.
Suddenly, and without warning, Shinji found himself within the back seat, behind Misato. Eyes turning to see what now occupied where he once sat. It was a shadow, a pale simulacrum of himself. The constructed replica turned towards its double with a smile, before giving a miniscule wink and turning back around.
"You say something?" Asked Misato.
"No nothing at all." Said the doppelganger.
Shinji smiled at his double, before his eyes passed the rear view mirror... And froze when his eyes met Misato's own. For a brief moment, Shinji felt his heart race faster, until Misato's eyes turned back to the road. It took only a moment for Shinji to realize that he could see the back seat, specifically the fact that it was empty. His smile widened a bit as he noted he had no reflection, and looking to his fetch, it didn't have one either. Taking a small look at his double, Shinji noted that while the replica was spot on and perfect in every way, there was one detail that was out of place.
His hair parted in the opposite direction.
Satisfied, Shinji nodded and turned back to the passing landscape, and with a little pull, found himself on the side of the road, listening as the car he once occupied continued along it's merry way.
It didn't take long to meet up with Kensuke after a short jaunt through the woods. The Ghoul looked at Shinji with a quizzical expression. Head tilted off to the side in confusion.
"How did you do that?" Asked Kensuke.
"I spoke to the universe, and it listened. Have you found Toji?" Asked Shinji.
Kensuke hummed as he bent forward, crawling on all fours towards Shinji a bit, before a long, boney claw tapped against Shinji's chest... Then Kensuke started poking him... Repeatedly.
"Weird."
"What are you doing?" Asked Shinji.
"Your skin... It's... I don't know how to describe it. It's like... opaque water or something... Maybe flesh colored mud. What's up with that?"
"Ah, that. Well first of all, congrats for being sufficiently insane to peer passed the glamour. Second, apparently apotheosis is a really screwed up step by step process. It's called the Lying Skin. Enough of that, have you found Toji?"
Kensuke backed up a step as he rose to his full height.
Kensuke was by no means short fpr his age, but currently, he stood a good two feet or so over Shinji. His gaunt frame seemed barely able to hold him up, yet he stood with unnatural stillness, as if his awkward proportions did nothing to tip him off balance. Kensuke sighed.
"He's at the hospital. Unresponsive to the doctors. The lights are on, but no bodies home. I even snuck into his room, hoping to snap him out of it with my charming good looks..." Said Kensuke as he motioned to... Well, mostly his new Ghoulish form.
"...Yeah, he didn't even notice."
"I see." Said Shinji with a nod.
That was not good, but it could be dealt with.
"Take me to him."
The trip was mercifully short when things such as time and distance were highly mutable when you knew what to ask for from the universe itself. There were a few hiccups of course, Shinji was still getting used to the power of words, their meanings, and how to use them. Evidently, it was all a matter of what was said as opposed to intent, which Shinji discovered when he somehow made a three mile trip with a single step... Face first into a tree in front of their destination.
In hindsight, thought Shinji as he looked to the sky in a daze, they probably should have just walked.
Currently on his back, feeling the blood leaking from his nose, Shinji just continued to stare upwards, where Kensuke was perched on a much higher branch of that damn tree. Oak by the looks of it. The boy turned ghoul observed his surroundings before looking down at Shinji. After a moment, Kensuke quirked his head.
"You alright down there Shinji?"
Shinji said nothing. Merely wiping the blood off his face with his hand and moving it i to view. Shinji laid on rhe ground and watching as the ichor on his fingertips started dissolving into red mist before his eyes. His blood hissed and popped, like droplets of water on a hot skillet, but there was no sensation of heat as the crimson smoke evaporated and near immediately dissipated into the air. It was frightfully clear that Shinji was completely alien in all ways besides appearance.
All of that, for as fascinating as it was, was severely undercut by the fact that Shinji had ended up face planting into a tree. Perhaps, he thought, it would be best to not overdue himself, best not meddle with forces beyond ones understanding for little reason beyond what mounted to a convenient shortcut.
As he slowly got up to his feet, glaring more than a little bit at the damned tree before brushing himself off.
"Shinji?" Asked Kensuke, to which Shinji merely rose his index finger and giving a pointed glare at Kensuke.
"No, just no. Don't say anything, don't talk about it, don't even acknowledge it. Just... What room?"
Kensuke, without missing a beat, merely pointed to a third floor window.
"Toji's in there."
With a nod Shinji was on his way. This time, he just took the stairs.
As the plane passed over Tokyo-3, Gendo looked out at the devastation. Reconstruction efforts were ongoing, but after three encounters with not only Angels, but these mysterious Great Old Ones, the city no longer resembled it's former glory, really it wouldn't look out of place on the cover of a Post Apocalyptic novel. Very little of the city remained untouched, though the parts that were unmarred looked out of place amounts the rubble.
Then there were the monuments to the destruction. The coral tower of Bokrug, still spewing out water into the newly dug trench that lead to the sea. The massive unmelting sculpture of ice, vaguely roughly humanoid in shape with a curious blue tint as icy mist pooled around it. Finally there was the smoldering spires of burning crystal. Still billowing black smoke and embers as glowing orange cracks appeared and mended upon the crystals surface.
Gendo reflected upon his studies as his plane landed. It all seemed so impossible. The Angels were one thing, they were potentially knowable, working on physical laws that were either purely theoretical or simply not yet known to humanity. There was the potential of perhaps understanding how they functioned, these Great Old Ones however seemed to function in contrary of even the most bleeding edge of scientific understanding. It was unnerving. Of course, they were so much more than a simple monument. Slough off whatever guise or glamour and Gendo, with sickening conviction, had no doubt that whatever dead thing those structures truly were would be so alien and indescribable that it would drive lesser men mad.
To think that humanity had unknowingly shared this planet with all manner of beasts that were so much more than monsters. Even now in this diminished state, as Gendo looked at those structures, he had very little doubt that they saw him, as well. He felt naked, like some inscrutable force was watching, appraising, and studying even the smallest facets of his being. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that they saw him for what he really was, they saw past the ugly exterior of a hard and cold man to see the self-loathing and broken thing under the shit-encrusted surface. A glamour of his own to hide away. Ugly within, and ugly without. A lonely broken man wearing a mask of lies. Little more than ambition willing to throw away the whole world for his own selfish desires.
It was enough to make Gendo look away. He was not accustomed to feeling this viscerally vulnerable. He knew that those things weren't dead, not really. Wounded maybe, but far from dead if they could dredge up these thoughts and feelings just by looking at them.
It was a terrible thing to be made privy to this grand charade. A fallacy that humans were the masters of earth. Even if that were true, the reality of the situation made that no more significant than the ants that were masters of their mounds. Gendo was not a particularly religious man, even the abundance of religious iconography and names for NERV and SEELE were the doings of Keel, but these things by their very nature filled him with an almost religious sense of awe, albeit the furthest from an all loving entity as there could possibly be.
The Necronomicon had revealed much on the subject, though Gendo didn't believe the book was gospel. There was no way the Outer Gods depicted within were true, but the level of accuracy for what Gendo did know about these Great Old Ones was uncomfortable enough that he couldn't shake the feeling that there may have been some truth to the writings of that Mad Arab, through he sincerely hoped not. Reguardless, some of the details within the Necronomicon would see use as more of these beasts inevitably showed up. Copies of some select pages were being transcribed at this very moment, and soon they would arrive.
As Gendo mused, the plane finally landed, where Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko were waiting for him. Wasting no time, Gendo left, ready to see for himself everything that happened in his absence. The first order of business, the Fallen Angel, Iruel.
The sight of Toji before Shinji was jarring. It wouldn't be inaccurate to describe his current state as being that of a shell, so much so that you'd be forgiven for mistaking him for a statue. He simply laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, the only hint he was something more than a corpse was the occasional blinking.
Despite himself, Shinji couldn't see this as anything less than pathetic, even if he hated even thinking such a thing for someone he considered a friend. Yet is it not natural to want what's best for those you are close to. Taking a step forward, Shinji snapped his fingers in front of Toji's face, which did nothing at all.
This would most assuredly not do. Toji was better than this. Shinji vowed he would not leave until this injustice was corrected. He would fix Toji, even if he had to drag him kicking and screaming.
The room was empty, save for the two current occupants, and the nurse had only just left, so there shouldn't be any interruptions for quite some time. Good. Thinking it over, there probably was a better way to go about what he was trying to do, but considering the alien mindset forced upon him, combined with a greater level of detachment from his fellow man than was healthy, Shinji couldn't think of a better alternative considering who he was dealing with.
Raising his hand, Shinji punched Toji in the face. The sound of smacking flesh echoed across the room as he rubbed his knuckles. Toji did blink, and actually focused on Shinji as he flexed his fingers.
"You can hit me later to make it fair, until then you just need to listen to me. Not just hear me, actually listen." Said Shinji as he took a seat on the bed, to his relief, Toji's eyes followed.
"You're spiralling the drain, sinking deeper and deeper into your own despair. Wallowing in it. So despair, and in your desperation, find purpose. Sakura is dead, there is nothing you could have done to change that. You place a burden upon yourself, not because it's true, just because you keep on thinking there was something you could have done, but it doesn't matter, you can't do anything, and even with all your strength there was nothing you could have done, save get yourself killed."
Toji just looked at Shinji, blankly staring at him, but saying nothing... Until Shinji said that last part. Toji flinched at those words, and ot made Shinji stop. He could smell the adrenaline that was now flowing through Toji's veins. His fight or flight response had activated to something as simple as three seemingly being words... 'Get yourself killed.'
"This isn't just about Sakura... Is it? That's only part of it." Said Shinji.
"He showed me Shinji, he showed me what happens after we die. He showed me things I didn't want to see, things I didn't want to know. She's there Shinji, she's stuck in that... That nothing."
"I see." Said Shinji as he got to his feet.
"None elude the ravages of time and their eventual demise. Things have to die."
"It's not death Shinji, it's what comes after. Just nothing. Not even proper nothing, it's so much worse than that."
"I see."
Evidently, someone had revealed onto Toji what happens after death. Shinji had a pretty good idea of who did it to. The subject of death and the hereafter was perhaps one of the most mysterious fascets of the human condition, knowing for certain what happens could have a profound effect, and it was not knowledge Shinji was privy to.
Nyarlathotep had revealed much to Shinji, but death was not a subject that came up. No doubt because it was useless for whatever machinations the Outer God had for Shinji.
"What did you see Toji?"
Toji's descriptions were slow, filled with pauses for minute on end and occasional bouts of hysteria. During the descriptions, Shinji didn't interrupt, didn't rush Toji, just listened. Letting him talk. Occasionally putting a hand in his shoulder to calm him.
Toji painted a unique picture, there were three parts to humanity. The mind, body, and soul. Interestingly the mind and soul were not the same thing. The body rots, the soul goes on either to fade away or become a specter, but the Mind... The mind goes back to where it came. Technically, things like sapience and consciousness didn't exist, they were emergent properties of neural chemistry. A brain can exist without the mind, but the mind cannot exist without the brain. This fact made consciousness occupy a weird place in the universe, as there was a Outer God who personified the very concept of non-existence. Thus, upon death, the mind goes to this Non-Existent, but very real Entity.
Toji spoke of a cold and dark place. An eternal undying realm filled with the minds of the dead, but incapable of speaking to or even perceiving their neighbors. A lonely place where everything that didn't really exist go to.
As Toji finished his descriptions, Shinji quietly sat with crossed arms. He contemplated everything he was told, and tried to sort it out in his mind. It was a nightmarish idea. Still, Shinji needed Toji back to some semblance of normality. So with a breath, Shinji looked to Toji.
"Either live in denial or accept your fate. Pick one."
"What?"
"There isn't anything in your power you can do to prevent this fate, save become the perfect immortal. Either accept it and move on, or deny it till your dying breath. Just don't become this catatonic wreck. All you're doing is hastening your eventual demise to become a resident in that cold, dark, and lonely place."
Toji said nothing, simply looking down to his hands as he flexed his fingers. Shinji could taste his emotions and the dissonance going on within him. He really wished he could read his mind.
The air around Toji was the rotten taste of despair. It was a sickening flavor, one that turned the stomach. In any other circumstances, Shinji wouldn't stick around such a foul miasma, but this was Toji. In that now dead timeline, Toji was one of the few people to give him a sense of normalcy. Shinji intended to return the favor. After an untold ammount of time, Toji looked up.
"Alright."
Shinji rose a brow.
"That's it?"
Toji just shrugged.
"I guess... Though I do suppose I need to pay you back for that punch. That was a pretty good right hook by the way."
Shinji smiled and nodded.
"Yeah I guess I deserve that."
"By the way... Maybe I was out of it at the time but... Is Kensuke alright? I had a dream about him being a weird... Werewolf...dog thing... At least I think it was a dream."
"Yeah, lets just say things have kinda gone off the rails."
"Welcome home Shinji." Said Misato as they walked in.
The simulacrum smiled as it walked through the threshold. Things quickly fell into the normal routines. Talking, cooking, and eating. Shinji went to his room not long after that, and Misato found herself sitting down, cold beer in her hand. She held the can by its top, letting it dangle from her fingers as she rolled it in her hand, feeling the liquid within slosh and spin within the can.
Something felt off. Reflecting on the days events, nothing really was out of the ordinary. Sure Shinji's tests went on longer than normal, but that was about it. That shouldn't account for this strange notion that the status quo had been interrupted, but Misato could not shake it. She watched as Shinji came out of his room with a smile on his face as he started to wash the dishes, as he always did.
Did his movements seem a little more stiff than was natural? Almost like a puppet on strings.
As she thought that, Shinji seemed to loosen up a bit, moving with much more fluidity. Misato rubbed her eyes, holding the beer at an awkward angle as she did. When she opened them again, nothing had changed. Shinji just continued to clean. She still couldn't shake the feeling. It was like there was something fundamentally different from the norm, but it was excessively subtle.
"Hey Shinji, does something feel off to you?" Asked Misato.
"Not really, today seems kinda average. Why?"
"Just a thought." Said Misato.
Shinji shrugged and continued back to his cleaning. There was something... Lesser about Shinji today, he wasn't smaller, and he couldn't really get more thin than he already was, but it felt like there was something missing from Shinji. Something important, something so intrinsic and ubiquitous that you didn't even notice it... Until it wasn't there any more.
It made her sick, physically fucking ill. She wanted to throw up, but she didn't know why. She had to get out of there. Downing the rest of her beer in a single gulp, she slammed the can on the table, momentarily attracting the attention of Shinji.
"I think, I'll just turn in early." She said as she made her way to her room with haste.
"Alright, goodnight Misato." Said Shinji.
Misato only nodded as she went into her room and fell face first on her mattress, trying to just fall asleep and wake up back in the normal world where things made sense.
She still felt sick.