Conversation and Contemplation
Shinji made his way into his room, where his doppelganger was waiting, sitting cross legged at the end of the bed with a smile. The reflection nodded to Shinji as he shuffled through the window, closing it behind him. Brushing off his clothes, Shinji turned to his double, who didn't blink, didn't move, and didn't even move. Raising a brow, Shinji sat before his duplicate, observing it for a moment as it smiled back at him.
"Weird." He said off handedly.
In response, the doppelganger just shrugged.
"It's what you asked for." Said the double uncaringly.
Looking at it… Shinji felt… weird. This copy before him felt off in a way. It had a presence, it was material, yet at the same time there was something lesser about it. Like some fundamental part of it was missing. Something intrinsic to a living entity. It was strange, and stranger still that this odd feeling was drudged up by something that looked just like him.
"What are you exactly? I didn't have time to analyze the situation previously, but... We don't have reflections anymore."
"That's because a reflection is all I am, more presence than flesh. I am irrevocably linked to you. I have no drive, no real will of my own beyond what is required of me. I'm just a double walker from the other side of the mirror. We're all there, reflections of everyone doing little else than a pantomime of life."
"How exactly? Reflections are just a change in direction of a wavefront, bouncing off to show a reverse image of what's in front of them. There isn't anything on the other side of a mirror, it's just a wave reflector for light."
"True, but these are not mutually exclusive truths. Let me demonstrate." Said the reflection as he stood up, going to the nearby bathroom before coming back with a simple looking glass in his hands.
The Fetch held the mirror aloft and showed the reflective surface to Shinji, then he reached around before wrapping his fingers against the edges of the mirror… However, where they should have made contact with the glass, Shinji could only watch in astonishment as his doubles fingers passed right on through, almost like the mirror wasn't a mirror at all... just an open window to some outer plane of existence. The image alone was as strange to behold as it was fascinating.
"You can do it too…" Spoke his double "...without a reflection there is nothing blocking you from reaching through." Said the duplicate as he removed his fingers and held the mirror forward.
Tentatively, Shinji reached out towards the mirror, and reached through just as his duplicate did. Where his hand should have stopped, Shinji's fingertips passed the threshold, where he felt a faint coldness, like distant ice, but there was no resistance. The Fetch nodded before he spoke.
"All reflections show what is indeed a place, an adjacent dimension, bouncing light is just the method by which this dimension can be seen, and were it not for your reflection, were it not for me... you'd fall through. Light opens doorways to other places, we stop you from falling through every time you touch a reflective surface, it's why we exist, to keep you on this side."
"Why?"
"Everything is flipped, you wouldn't survive for long there, having the side of your hair switch places is one thing, living in a world where you could only survive by having your entire biological makeup reversed is another. There is food there, technically, but you could gorge on every last bite and still starve to death with a full belly. It is not a place meant for you, but it can be convenient for those clever enough to use it."
"If that is the case, how is it that you can survive here?"
"I already told you, I am more presence than flesh. We do not work the same way you do. I will live so long as you do. I could be shot, stabbed, burned, and even drink the most toxic of substances and no matter what, I would be fine. However if you were damaged, harmed in any way… well I think you get the idea."
It was a somewhat simple concept to grasp, yet as Shinji dwelled on it, he found more questions popping into his mind with each little thought. He shifted his gaze from the mirror to his double, who had never looked away from Shinji's face.
"What about things like two mirrors facing each other? Does each one correspond to its own place?"
The reflection merely barked out a short laugh while shaking his head.
"No. Even multiple reflections bouncing off of each other just show different vantage points of the same place. You still only have a single reflection, everything else is just a different viewpoint."
"Fascinating." Said Shinji as he took the mirror from his double, looking at this strange and yet familiar place on the other side.
"If you say so." Said the reflection with a shrug of indifference.
Reaching through the mirror once more up to his elbow, Shinji grabbed the blanket of his bed, and watched as the covers next to him bundled up, as if being grasped by an invisible hand. He attempted to pull them through, but as he did so the covers on his side moved to block him from getting it to so much as touch where the glass should have been. Releasing the covers, he watched them fall limp.
Staring back at his double for a few moments in silence, Shinji tilted his head.
"So, you have no will of your own, but you can answer questions? How does that work exactly? Do you just… know these things that I don't? It implies some form of difference between us."
To his disappointment, the Fetch only shrugged.
"Don't know, maybe it's because you're curious. When you called me here, I had to be like you in some regard to fulfil that request, maybe me knowing what I am lets me function better as you, maybe it's because I have to display some level of curiosity, and by knowing what I am, it prevents my curiosity from trying to find out. Can't ask questions like that if I already know the answer. Could be any number of reasons. All I know is you asked the universe for a Fetch and it provided one in the form of me."
Shinji nodded before placing the mirror back down. He stared at it for a few moments before crossing his arms as his reflection did the same.
"So, is that all?" Asked the Fetch.
"Yes, I think that's it."
The duplicate nodded.
"Alright then, I guess this is goodbye." Said the reflection.
Upon saying that final word, it disappeared. Looking back to the mirror on his bed, Shinji saw himself, or rather his reflective self. Mirroring his movements as it should. Putting the looking glass on the floor next to his bed, Shinji… forze.
Standing next to his bed… staring at him… was a large penguin with a beer in its clawed flipper. The penguin blinked… Shinji blinked… They continued with their impromptu staring contest.
…
"You didn't see anything," said Shinji suddenly.
Pen Pen quirked his head, took a swig of beer, before tossing the empty can out of the open window Shinji had crawled through. With a shake as the penguin ruffled his feathers, the Penguin nodded.
"Wark!" said Pen Pen in agreement as he waddled out of the room, taking a copy of the New England Journal of Medicine with him for some late night reading as he left.
Shinji waited until the door clocked close, before he crawled under the covers and went to sleep. He trusted that bird, and while he would always remain skeptical of that emotional support penguin's true intelligence and insights, Shinji felt that Pen Pen seemed like the type who was good at keeping secrets.
Within the tempestuous realm of the Dreamlands, Shinji found himself walking. He had no set destination in mind, no real path he stuck to, foolish as it was he walked these lands without purpose. He wasn't alone, next to him was the shadowed figure of Nyarlathotep, appearing as a man with distinctly Egyptian features and a metal walking stick. The Outer God said nothing as they trekked through a forest of some sort, with massive trees that grew so high as to pierce the clouds above. Sometimes Shinji watched the mountains that never seemed to get any closer until you were suddenly right in front of them. Sometimes, the hills and cliffs were in the sky itself. Enchanting as they were confusing to behold.
All manner of fae creatures roamed these strange places. Strange rodent-like creatures with multi-jointed limbs and overly long tails climbed up and down russet colored trees. These odd rodents feasted upon grotesque parasites that looked like twigs and ants, they skittered up and down as they pulled out the tiny morsels with tentacle-like whiskers.
Further still there were the multi-limbed Gugs, who moved around the trees in herds, some sparing a glance at Shinji before continuing onwards. They walked on four legs, while the two others that bisected from the elbow were held forward, parallel to the ground, occasionally moving to brush the thickets and brambles out of the way. They reminded Shinji of a herd of elephants as they moved through the dense jungles of India.
With a wave of his Staff, Nyarlathotep changed the landscape. The action was hypnotic, like reality was a painting, and Nyarlathotep could blend colors and shapes together to form new ones. Where once was a forest, now there was an ever expansive desert that seemingly went in all directions. Obsidian pyramids rose from the ground, the bricks and stones shifted and rotated as they grinded against themselves beneath the harsh sun, yet despite the alien ways they moved, as a whole, they always kept a shape recognizable as a pyramid. Nyarlathotep casually walked through a swirling doorway of shifting stone at the base of the pyramid, with Shinji following behind, not even hesitating as the brickwork flowed all around him. He listened to the shifting stone and glass as he passed through the gullet-like hallways into an expansive room carved from nameless gems that formed a dazzling mosaic of various colors. Beyond that however the room itself was far larger than the dimensions of the pyramid should have allowed. The Ceiling wasn't even visible, only towering coral columns that stretched upwards into infinity. Glancing at them, Shinji beheld that each column depicted eldritch iconography. Hieroglyphs of creatures and shapes that together formed stories yet to pass, depicting stars in constant motion unlocking sightless chains that bound old gods in an eternal slumber so deep, it might as well have been death. Watching it curiously, Shinji felt oddly at peace. Nyarlathotep said nothing as they made their way through the ever-shifting pyramid. Shinji just watched and followed
Eventually however, they made their way to the blackened throne, where Nyarlathotep was already sitting, or to be more accurate, was always sitting. Turning to the figure of NyarlathotepShinji had been following, Shinji found that there was nothing there. Nothing at all. In fact, he was never there at all. Shinji followed nothing, yet it lead him here.
"That's disconcerting." Said Shinji as he blankly stared at the spot that the Nyarlathotep he followed once stood.
The Crawling Chaos gave a single mirthless chuckle in response. It echoed throughout this antechamber, sounding of death and smelling of decay.
"To you mayhaps, but that is because you still think like a human, it is an error of your perception, the assumption of the linearity of time. It would be cute if it wasn't so sad."
Shinji blinked at that. Not quite sure what Nyarlathotep was talking about, though he assumed such knowledge was above him. Though he still craved to know that which he didn't understand.
"What do you mean by that… the assumption of the 'linearity of time' part?"
Nyarlathotep smiled. Seemingly pleased with Shinji's inquisitiveness.
"Does it matter?" asked the Crawling Chaos.
Shinji stared at the smiling face of Nyarlathotep… well, not smiling per say. Even in his mask of the Black Pharaoh, while it may have been the most human of Nyarlathotep's many forms, it was startlingly inhuman. The Black Pharaoh had two eyes, a nose, a mouth, but no face. Not really anyway. He had parts of a face when you looked at him, but when trying to get a good look at the whole of where his face should be, you would only see nothing but a deep bottomless hole, or occasionally smooth skin the texture of obsidian with tendrils of shadows smothering the light.
It was oddly peaceful to behold as it was unbearably grotesque.
"I guess it doesn't," responded Shinji.
Pleased with the answer Nyarlathotep rose to his feet before placing a hand upon Shinji's shoulder.
That was equally disconcerting. The throne was quite a distance away from where Shinji stood. Nyarlathotep didn't even take a step forward, and his arm wasn't any longer than normal. Yet against all logic, he placed his hand upon Shinji's shoulder while still standing before his throne while Shinji was at least 10 meters away.
Apparently none of that really mattered either.
"You'll get used to it, in time. Nothing is truly real young Shinji, nothing at all. We're all just figments of Azathoth's nonexistent imagination." Said Nyarlathotep.
"...ok." Shinji said Blankly.
Nyarlathotep shrugged.
"I can't stop you for the foreboding existential dread you feel, reality is what it is for a reason. All I can say is it is in your best interests to accept that fact. In fact, for as terrifying as existence is, one thing you must never forget is it is still quite beautiful." Said Nyarlathotep as he tapped his finger upon Shinji's forehead.
In the half second it took to blink, Shinji found himself suspended in the air, looking up at the night sky. The full moon shone with silver light as a million pinpricks of light twinkled and blinked. Shinji smiled in this eternal moment where he hung in the air, dozens of feet between him and the ground.
Nyarlathotep sat next to Shinji, now wearing a new mask. It resembled a large robed peacock, with a tail of fanning feathers with eyes shifting in the patterns of each tail feather. The head of the Peacock was shaped like that of a birds, but was a triangular curved stone atop a long serpentine neck, with a single eye on each face of the pyramid-like head.
Nyarlathotep gazed upwards at the sky, also hovering like Shinji was, with his long, crane-like legs crossed. Looking back at the Night sky, Shinji couldn't help but notice just how different it looked now. There were colors past red and violet, colors no human had names for.
"You humans see a small sliver of something amazing, your kind is blind to the omnipresent waves and frequencies birthed by your sun. In this place, all can see the entirety of what man calls light. Across the entire electromagnetic spectrum. There is a poetry to reality, a symphony really. It is truly a shame Azathoth is ignorant to it."
"I thought the universe was pointless."
"It is," said Nyarlathotep simply as he drank from what seemed to be an obsidian goblet before speaking again.
"Aesthetics are however entirely subjective, and I am of the opinion that Yog-Sothoth does well with the materials given to him. Probably helps that he is omniscient." commented Nyarlathotep
"Opinion? I mean you're a God… Do Gods have opinions? Wait, do opinions even matter for you, I mean I have my own ideas, but what are yours?" Asked Shinji.
Nyarlathotep smirked. Even in the alien form he now wore, Shinji could tell he smirked.
"It depends upon my mood, but to answer the former question, again, the answer is no, opinions do not truly matter for the likes of me, but that doesn't mean I can't have them, regardless of how pointless they are."
"But… if it's pointless then… Why?"
"Why not?"
Shinji found he couldn't actually come up with a good answer for that, but he did agree with it… It was just so strange that Nyarlathotep did as well.
"Regardless, we have already had an iteration of this conversation. I dislike repeating myself Shinji. Do not make me do it again."
Nyarlathoteop's two tri-lobed eyes flickered to Shinji as he spoke, noting with some amusement that Shinji stiffened at the implied threat. The Outer Gods smile widened when, despite his fear, Shinji still decided to speak.
"It's kinda hard to keep up. Everytime I think I get what you are saying, you come back and say something else to get me thinking. The topics kinda build up and go nowhere sometimes."
Nodding as he took another sip of the black ichor within his Goblet, Nyarlethotep sighed contently.
"That is simply because I have much to teach you, without a lot of time to do so. Some of it is even contradictory to earlier lessons, this is by design, one does not look at things correctly without hearing the full breadth of possibility, this includes alternative forms of thought contrary to your belief. Humans can only understand so much. Worry not however, you don't need to understand everything, only enough. You are free to take what knowledge I impart onto you or discard it at your leisure, so long as you at least think, I have faith you will understand what you need to."
"Faith? Do you even have faith?"
"Something approaching it mayhaps. When Azathoth awakens, we shall all cease so thoroughly that it would be more accurate to say we never will have existed. Even I shall not escape this fate."
"So, wait… I was under the impression you were fighting to survive Azathoth's awakening, but now you say you won't escape that fate… so… which is it?"
"Both, I am destined to failure. Azathoth will awaken one day, it was never a question of if, only when. I still fight nonetheless."
"Why?"
"To be honest, I have nothing better to do. The other Outer Gods are content to merely exist, they do not think as your kind does, nonexistence doesn't bother them. It doesn't bother me either, but fighting against it at least occupies my time until then. The thoughts, wills, and souls of all that lives are to me what atoms are to you. I simply follow my nature, human nature is a part of that nature as well, in fact humanity got it from me, not the other way around. Fighting against the impossible is just what we do. It's what allowed your species to go from mastering fire to walking on the moon, and it's what allows me to fight against inevitable oblivion. Sometimes the impossible can be bested, sometimes not. With how old I am, it's fairly clear I am not going anywhere any time soon. Fighting at least gives me something to do until then."
Shinji nodded as he sat back to stare at the shifting lights in the kaleidoscopic sky above the Dreamlands in wonder. Shinji couldn't help but to smile as he watched the vast aurora of nameless colors, and the way the stars and lights danced above.
"So… about that 'assumption of the linearity of time bit'. What does that mean anyway?" Asked Shinji.
Nyarlathotep smirked.
"Does it matter?"
"No…" said Shinji instantly, before smiling back. "...but I'd still like to know."
Pleased once more by the Third Child's answer, Nyarlathotep began to speak as Shinji listened until the dawn would pull him back into the waking world, but for now, he just sat, and listened… and learned.
"Young one, this idea of cause and effect only works when the arrow points towards high Entropy. The idea of something ignoring causation, as you have just witnessed, is confusing to the human mind. It is not something your mind wishes to comprehend, and it is disconcerting as a result. The fact of the matter is it is possible for non-causally bound events to occur as well as events with reverse causality, where the effect happens, then the cause, or retroactive causality, where effect happens, and cause is imposed onto the past. I am not bound by the linearity of time Child. The curves point towards Entropy. The angles of time have no direction but what I will it."
"Well that… breaks all kinds of mathematics that it's not even funny."
"Then the flaw is with your own perception. Though your mathematical structures do allow for the reverse of time. When time is reversed and moves backwards, only the Second Law of Thermodynamics is broken, or rather inverted. Still, acausality is something your kind never experienced, and as such never had reason to delve into. Soon though that will be rectified. The Great Race of Yith mastered Acausal Mathematics, and they once were as humans are now, creatures of flesh and blood and bone. Living chemical reactions, like most mundane life is. Yet they learned how to navigate the Angles of Time. Perhaps your kind will as well, and if I have my way, you definitely will."
"I can't tell if that's a good thing or not."
"That is for you to decide. One man's gift is another man's curse."
Shinji conceded the point before stepping further into the throne room. When did they get back?
"So why am I here anyway? Specifically back in the Dreamlands with you?"
"Simple, I believe congratulations are in order. The manifestation of a Fetch is a praise worthy accomplishment. You're learning the power of Words. The next invitation has been sent out, another Old One dwells within the ocean. It will remain there, I believe you know what comes next?"
Shinji nodded as he took a deep breath.
"Asuka."
Nyarlathotep shrugged.
"I suppose that as well, though I was referring to you being stuck there without your God Machine, reliant on hers. I believe the last time around you were within her Eva alongside her at the time. Though the timeline has changed, the butterfly flapping its wings has had only a minor effect on what is to come for that event, though the introduction of an Old One will cause it to go very differently. Have you given any thought to what is to come?"
"Not...not really. I uh... I haven't actually thought about it all that… much."
Nyarlathotep smiled.
"I've noticed. You've never given a single iota of a thought, this despite knowing what came next. Did you not think this was odd?"
There was a strange squirming feeling within Shinji's gut as he dwelled upon that thought. He looked to the past, the events that lead to this very moment. He knew how things would play out, to a degree. Sure things were different now, before there was only the Angels. Yet even still, some things to come would progress upon predictable lines. Yet even still, Shinji never gave it a single thought as to preparations. No forethought even knowing what may be coming.
"Not until you brought it up." said Shinji simply.
"No you wouldn't. Your thoughts are beginning to shift, like the tides. Your sensibilities are merely the fallout of your slow going ascension. Humans think of the future, they plan for it, it is sometimes a conscious action, other times unconscious. You however, no longer do so unless you actually try to think of what is to come. You have no subconscious, not really. The full breadth of your thoughts are yours and yours alone. Without effort, you won't contemplate on things others might have, a small cost for greater focus on that which you dwell upon at the time. Events may come for you to dwell upon, but without effort, they will be discarded into memory until you choose to recall them. Passing fancy is not beyond you, but it won't come naturally. How does it feel knowing your humanity isn't as human as you assumed?"
Shinji said nothing, just crossed his arms as he stared outwards towards a sunless void. He blinked at that. Wasn't there a forest there a moment ago? Was he even still in the Dreamlands?
"Yes, you are." said Nyarlathotep simply.
Shinji sighed before he looked at his altered hand. He watched as his fingerprints moved around in kaleidoscopic patterns, following a path down his forearm as they flattened out. The bare skin on his palm always seemed to slowly wrinkle before his eyes before flowing away.
"I'm fucked up." said Shinji.
"All humans are, you just more so. Do not despair, for you are still learning."
Rei sat within her barren dilapidated home, reflecting on things and ideas that had never occurred to her. Within her wooden chair she sat still, facing forwards. The being, Nyarlathotep, had revealed much to her, she had peered behind his masks, seeing how it expressed its nature through a harmony between form and intention, it was clear despite his many masks, Nyarlathotep is a void that draws inward both heat and light and never releases them. Rei never knew what she truly was, a human body with the soul of an Angel? A hybrid? something else?
The question was never one she thought she would have answered, until the dark swarthy man who was not a man spoke. He knew what she was, and he was more than willing to enlighten her on the subject. The answer was… strange to say the least. Looking down at herself, Rei realized that for as little human she truly ever was, There's worse things she could be.
"There are always worst things, the apex of them is far outside your grasp."
Rei turned, watching the tall swarthy man as he sat beside her. She knew not where he had come from, but at the same time, she did not find it all that surprising considering what she now knew.
"Hello Nyarlathotep."
"Good evening Rei, how are you accumulating to a new breadth of knowledge?"
"I am managing."
"Excellent. Any questions? You have received much knowledge, but only knowledge. No context and no true understanding, only information."
"I have been thinking on SEELE."
"Ah, them. Behind their Illuminati-esque trappings, there's not actually much that ideologically separates them from any other millenarian Christian cult. They are not deserving of your attention."
Rei quirked her head at that.
"Why not?"
"Because they are irrelevant, allow them to believe they have some measure of power, they will learn soon enough. These things are beneath you Rei, give them no thought, for it is energy wasted when their eventual fate is in my hands."
"Previously, in the last timeline… their fate was in mine." said Rei.
"Previously, I wasn't there."
Rei nodded, conceding to the Outer Gods point.
"Then I suppose, I shall think of the future."
"Always a good place to start, just be mindful of the present, the future can always be snatched away from you when your heart beats for the last time, and unfortunately your kind is frail and susceptible to annihilation. Don't get too far ahead of yourself, Rei. The future will never get here if you're dead."
"I am replaceable."
"All humans are replaceable Rei. That's not an excuse, it's just a dismissal."
After a moment, Rei nodded.
"I will try."
"Good, until next time then."
With those parting words, the figure vanished. Rei remained in her chair, before looking around her apartment. Dilapidated, old, and crumbling. Her eyes scanned the room as she took everything in, before she stood up. Perhaps, she thought, she would clean this place up for once.