*Please see chapter notes at the end for some insight on antidepressants*
Hello, hello! I hope you've all been as good as you can. I had my second dose of the vaccine and have been suffering for two days now - hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I decided to drop this chapter 1 day earlier because now I'm moving on to Year 4 flashbacks, and I need to read the book to do it properly, as I've done with all the other flashbacks. I MIGHT take a while with this one, soo ta da!
Also, I've noticed that a huge part of the HP community uses tumblr, so I decided to create an account! You can find me as denkinoko
I'm really looking forward to connecting with my wonderful readers.
xoxo
Tristibus Aeternum - From Latin, Everlasting Sorrow. As its name suggests, this strong concoction produces a general sense of despair and hollowness so intense it may, in some cases, encourage the drinker to take their own life in order to make it stop. Moreover, not even the strongest Cheering Charm can reverse its effects. Be wary, however, for it is extremely difficult to brew and therefore has a low success rate.
The effect lasts anywhere from 24 to 36 hours, so it is recommended to lace the victim's food or drink with the equivalent of a small vial once a day. If done correctly, their demise will be imminent within two to six months.
Draco eyed Lilith warily from her place on the armrest.
"This looks horrifying. Why in Merlin's pants would you like me to kill myself?"
She rolled her eyes, staring right back at him with a face that spoke volumes about her opinion on his intelligence.
Taking a peek at his pocket watch, he noted that it was already 1:30 a.m and he was not any closer to finding out what she meant — or if she even meant something. Perhaps he was just an idiot, following the directions coming from a bloody housecat... Which was currently in the process of abandoning him in lieu of the far more stomachable bed, he supposed, watching her tail flick all the way to his bedroom door.
Draco cursed and closed the sinister book, wincing guiltily at the sound the old pages made when they violently met each other. Whatever, he immediately thought, it had all been a huge waste of time. He would burn the sodding book if it weren't so bloody ancient.
He was about to pour himself his third glass of firewhiskey when he was rudely interrupted by Lilith jumping back next to him with a vial on her mouth and a smug - was that a smile?
"The fuck, how did you get into my trunk?" he asked, rescuing his vial from her grasp as she made herself comfortable in loaf-position, her attentive eyes never leaving his sullen figure.
Draco examined the vial containing the tiny purple flowers. It was one of his potion ingredients, the ones he used whenever he brewed as a hobby. Nightshade was not very common, as it was mainly used to create certain types of antidotes to very unconventional poisons…
Suddenly, it dawned to him. When mixed with particular venoms, it produced the opposite effect.
He quickly opened Moste Potente Potions once again, perusing the list of ingredients for Tristibus Aeternum quickly. Indeed, if he added Nightshade, some Lionfish Spine and Powdered Moonstone… He could basically create Everlasting Bliss.
Draco froze, swallowing the lump in his throat. He had been blessed with what must have been the most intelligent cat in the whole sodding wizarding world.
Without any notice, and as they frequently did, the tears started to fall on their own. Though usually evoked by his nightmares, those ones had been born out of pure relief and hope. Perhaps, only maybe, if he did it correctly… This could help him feel happy again, if only a bit.
As he cradled his face on his hands, he suddenly felt the tell-tale pressure of Lilith's paws on his legs. When he opened his eyes, he found her on his lap, staring at him intently with sadness in her big, round eyes. He exhaled and carefully lowered his lips to her fuzzy forehead, whispering a broken "thank you." She purred in response, nuzzling against his warm body.
For the first time, Draco yearned to sleep on his bed, and Lilith made no effort to prevent him from picking her up and laying her right next to him.
Blaise and Theo had been sneaking looks at each other all fucking day. They shuffled and spoke softly around Draco, almost nervously, not wanting to upset him. There was no other attempt to hex either of them, so they promptly retired to feed Lilith and discuss further action after dinner, as they did every day.
As they made their way back, Draco scanned the empty corridor for witnesses before letting out an annoyed sigh. "Out with it" he spat, narrowing his eyes at his two best friends who were obviously keeping something from him.
Blaise cleared his throat. "Well, you see, last night, when we went back to the common room…" he paused, motioning Theo to continue. The latter let out a goofy, apologetic grin, continuing the tale with feigned nonchalance, yet with an uncharacteristic rush that betrayed his unease.
"We might've asked Longbottom and Weasley for help?"
"You did WHAT!?" Draco yelled, startling the portraits around them who, in turn, began telling them off for their unacceptable behaviour. The culprit, however, could not give two knuts for their opinion on him, especially given the rather surprising information he'd just heard.
"Drake, Drakey, listen to us," Blaise said, with his arms outstretched in an effort to calm his friend down, who had grabbed his wand and was ready to hex their bollocks off right then and there. To his surprise, Draco just jerked his head towards their destination and told them to be quiet, as he'd rather discuss those kinds of things in the security of their sanctuary.
His expectations were crushed as soon as the Snake let them into the common room. There, lounging around as if they'd always been more than mere classmates, were Luna, Neville and Ginny, who was in the middle of brushing Lilith's hair with a brush he'd never even seen before.
"How in the bloody hell did you lot come in?"
"Oh! Hello there, Draco Malfoy, Theodore, Blaise" Luna said, unresponsive to the blond's evident frustration. On the other hand, Neville and Ginny had stood up carefully from their respective seats, unsurprised at his response but still wary. However, their hands never reached out for their wands — a peace offering of sorts.
"Afternoon, Ferret" Ginny greeted him with a smirk, bringing back some sense of the normalcy Draco longed for. "Fawkes let us in." And as soon as the tense atmosphere came, it went.
Draco spluttered, all red in the face. He felt invaded. This was their safe space, they had no right to saunter in whenever the fuck they wanted! He was going to kill the two morons he dared call his friends for playing this bloody trick on him.
"Oh! That's how Luna came in yesterday!" Theo exclaimed, the puzzle pieces falling into place neatly on his head. His expression was a stark contrast to the tall blond seething murderous rage right next to him, as he was all smiles and peace. "Please, don't mind him. As soon as he realises this is the best course of action he'll stop fuming."
"I don't know, mate, he seems… more wound up than usual" Neville added nonchalantly, grinning at Theo. Blaise snickered in response.
"Oh, aren't you all chummy?" Draco spat out, green with envy at his friends' normalcy with the others — not like he'd ever admit it. "Who the fuck is Fawkes?"
"The Phoenix," Luna answered, "the one who's always with the Wise Ones. He can also open the door to our dorm."
"And who said you could invite yourselves...!"
"Oh, shut it, Malfoy" Ginny bit back just as fiercely, her eyes burning up in anger. "As a matter of fact, this is also my dorm now" she said, showing him her Head Girl badge. "Flitwick called me in today to let me know I'll be taking over until…" her voice cracked, but she went on almost immediately after exhaling softly, with renewed passion. "I told him I'd rather stay with the others instead of your sorry arse but I am still granted permission to enter, so you better shut up and listen."
The room became eerily quiet. Not even Luna began humming as she usually did, disconnected from the rest of the world. Instead, she whispered something to Lilith's ear and affectionately scratched her chin. The silence stretched on until Neville cleared his throat.
"Look, Malfoy, I know that you want to find her" he began in a soft voice and threw him a look that said he knew more than what he led on. "But we also do. We are her friends. If we work together, we may find the answer more quickly."
Draco sighed, sitting down on his usual armchair. He paid no mind to the others around him as he stretched his long legs, his eyes never leaving Neville's. He didn't like it, but the bloke was right. They were getting nowhere on their own, and having Potter's insight on the matter — because he was sure he was giving intel to the Weaselette — could certainly be of help.
"Fine," he said with as much pride as he could muster. "What do we have up to now?"
Theo, Blaise, Neville and Ginny sat down promptly. Meanwhile, Lilith strolled towards Draco and hopped contentedly into his armrest — much closer than she usually did. Theo and Blaise's eyes widened, but they decided against making any kind of comment that could rile his friend even further. Instead, they decided to share what they knew.
"Here's what we found out," Blaise said nonchalantly. "We know that five Order members have been abducted so far, including Hermione. There were no witnesses, so there aren't any official leads. They might have been abducted by the fugitive Death Eaters, but we don't know why. We have been meticulously snooping around and spying on the students, especially Pure-bloods, but haven't seen nor heard anything suspicious at all."
Theo shuffled awkwardly before continuing. "The, ah, other thing we know is that…" he looked around, avoiding Draco's gaze. "Granger was the only one who left her clothes and things behind."
"Right" Ginny sadly muttered, "I don't think we have a lot more than you do. What we know is that no fugitive Death Eaters have been spotted in the UK, so it is believed they fled the country. Harry doesn't think so, he believes they're biding their time for something. Also…" she paused, biting her lower lip. "Hermione left a diary. It was hidden in her room at Grimmauld, along with a note that said it was only for Harry's eyes. It is heavily warded against intruders, and he hasn't been able to open it yet."
"Why not take it to the Aurors?" Blaise asked, his voice tainted with curiosity.
"He doesn't trust them. Not all of them, at least. He thinks there's a spy."
Draco clenched his hands into fists. Dammit. It wouldn't be easy to take her wards down. Next to him, Lilith tilted her head.
"We could try to research less-common warding spells," Theo proposed. "There are tons of books on the Restricted Section. We could study until Potter comes to the Castle with the Diary."
"Harry was sent on a mission to France," Neville answered, "there have been minor-scale uprisings from the Pure-blood community. They believe they are trying to create their own Death Eaters or something."
"So, when's he coming back?" Draco asked, mildly annoyed. Sodding Potter and his hero complex, traipsing around bloody Europe to save the world from evil.
"We don't know" Luna breathed out so quietly that it almost went unheard above the crackling of the fire, and the room stilled again.
Draco sighed, scratching Lilith's ears lovingly. "Well, we've got a lot to study. Of course Granger and Potter wouldn't make this easy on us." The rest of the group nodded.
"Do you think we could meet every Friday?" Ginny asked, "to share whatever we've found and to make sure we're not studying the same enchantments."
"Fair enough," Draco agreed, earning a smile from the Weaselette. That was another first for them.
"Okay" Ginny exclaimed, clapping once to get everyone's attention. "I have to do this with Malfoy but I refuse to be left alone with the prick so I'll need your help. Official Head business, you know, my first task" she said, her smile turning mischievous. "We have a Halloween Ball to plan."
Well, fuck.
When one is prescribed antidepressants - much like the ones Draco wants to create by reverse-brewing Tristibus Aeternum - it should ALWAYS be accompanied by therapy. If taken on their own without counseling, they most probably won't have the desired effect.
I wish it were as simple as taking one magical pill and have the looming thoughts and feelings over, but sadly, we are complex creatures and there's no single cure for everybody.
Please seek help if you need it. I promise you are not alone. If you feel unsure and want to know about my experience, feel free to DM me in any of the platforms I use (Twitter or Tumblr).