The next day, Kat had mostly got over the utter weirdness that had been the day before with her and Spike. She chalked it up to her just being tired or some other bullshit excuse. Once again burying her problems and pretending they didn't exist. Pretending she hadn't lied to Giles for Spike even though he had hurt her. Pretend that he hadn't let it go instead of making fun at her for it. Pretend he hadn't helped her scoop up those gross eyes knowing she didn't have the stomach for it. Pretend that the rest of the meeting had gone as usual. Definitely not that not one barb passed their lips to one another. It was unusual to say the least. Picking at each other, especially during meetings, was as natural as breathing to them. Not that Spike needed to breathe anymore, but that wasn't the point. It was just what happened. Xander, Buffy and Giles would always get a few in too but Spike and Kat could go for hours arguing and it could get pretty nasty between them. Yet the night before, neither spoke a word to each other after what happened in the basement. No trading blows with words or poking holes in each other's plans like they usually did. It was weird, she didn't like it. So she opted to do the rational thing and pretend it never happened. The next time she saw him it would be business as usual.
She was ready for a night in with Dawn. Just chill out with a movie and fast food. With the whole Glory thing and Dawn being a key, it felt few and far between when Kat got to chill out and relax, especially with Dawn. She was looking forward to it. But of course things don't always work out that way and she should have known something would have gone wrong.
"Really, Buffy?" Kat whined like a small child not getting her own way. She was pretty close to stamping her feet and screaming if she was honest.
"I know, I know. But I already stood him up last time. I couldn't say no or he'd just give up on me. And he's so pretty," Buffy pouted. Kat was happy that Buffy had her eye on someone new. The whole Riley thing had been a mess and this was a good way to move on. And the guy Buffy was talking about was decent enough. She'd met him a few times at the college parties Buffy used to attend. She just hated that it was her that had to sacrifice in order for Buffy to go out and move on.
She knew she was being a bit selfish but she just wanted one night with Dawn to pretend like the shit wasn't hitting the fan.
"Fine," Kat sighed exasperatedly. She knew she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she refused and Buffy missed out. She could do this. She'd go out on patrol in Buffy's place with whoever she was being paired with and Buffy could have fun.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Buffy squealed, practically tackling her into a hug. Kat couldn't help the laugh that poured out of her. She was a soft bitch like that sometimes. It was honestly just nice to see Buffy so excited and not moping about Riley or even Angel.
"Yeah, yeah. Just remember me when you guys get married and have rugrats," Kat smirked.
"We'll name our first daughter Katherine. Oh God, can you imagine how cute our kids would be?" Buffy sighed dreamily. Kat grinned and ignored the twinge the words brought with her. Being a Slayer meant that settling down and having kids wasn't a likely option for Buffy, but it hadn't stopped them both speaking about things like that. It made Kat feel bad for her. Buffy hadn't had it easy being the 'chosen one'. Kat was just glad it wasn't her but she knew that made her the biggest bitch in the world. She just didn't think she was as resilient and strong as Buffy was. Kat would have gone batshit crazy before now in Buffy's shoes and it just made her admire Buffy even more.
Dawn hadn't been too pleased to learn that Kat was on patrol that night. She was somewhat mellowed when she found out Xander would be the one to share her movie night. Kat had no idea who she was patrolling with. Honestly, she figured it would be Xander or Willow. That's how it usually went. But Xander was now with Dawn and he'd mentioned something about Willow being with Tara. There was one person that kept nagging in the back of her mind but she had enough faith that Buffy wouldn't have done that to her. Buffy hadn't mentioned who was with her. She'd torn out of there when Kat had agreed to fill in for her and that was that.
But as she turned the corner into the cemetery, her worst fear was confirmed by the vamp clad in his leather duster, perched on a headstone as he smoked casually.
"You've got to be kidding me," Kat groaned under her breath. She was a few feet away from him but his head perked up, vamp hearing and all that clearly picking it up. She didn't care. The realization that they were paired together washed over his face too and it dawned on her then that he hadn't known either. She couldn't even be mad at him for it, like he'd planned it to annoy the shit out of her. She had no idea why Buffy thought this was a good idea. Normally they didn't get paired together given their hostile relationship. She hoped to god that the weird night before hadn't been noticed by others and that people thought they were now friends. The thought made her shudder.
"Oh, well… that's just fantastic," Spike snarked as he hopped off the headstone, crushing his smoke with his boot.
She didn't even dignify him with a response. She just clutched the stake in her hand tighter as she stomped further into the cemetery. She could do this. They could split up, patrol one side each and she could pretend he didn't exist. Except that's not what he did. Of course it wasn't. He followed her casually like he hadn't a care in the world while she was on edge. She hated patrolling, she wasn't Buffy by any means and she didn't have magic to protect her either. No. She was just a human with basic fighting skills from her training with Buffy. With no one but a neutered vamp to have her back and she couldn't trust him as far as she could throw him. She didn't think she was capable of throwing him at all and that said it all. If she was attacked, he'd probably buy a beer for the vamp who did it. Might even suck her dry since she'd be dead and his chip wouldn't harm him for it.
The silence was tense as they walked side by side with a decent distance between them. It was strained. Usually full of quips and barbs but this time nothing but stony silence.
"How's Nibblet doin'?" he asked smoothly, lighting up another smoke. It made her back tense. She hated the weird relationship he seemed to have formed with Dawn, like he actually cared about her. The thought that this soulless monster could care about anything other than himself was absurd in her mind but she'd seen how he acted with her and it didn't seem fake. And that unsettled her. He'd also got on well with Joyce when she was here and she hated how it made her question things. How they weren't completely as black and white as she thought them to be. Joyce had chided her more than a few times for how rude she was to Spike but of course, the asshole had been all manners and sweet to Kat when Joyce was around. No idea how he really treated her.
She was stuck between wanting to snarl at him to never mention Dawn, not to even look at her as her overprotective streak reared its head. And then just being grateful that at least he liked her and didn't have her in his crosshairs. She had a feeling if he did get his chip out they'd all be dead except for her small cousin. She couldn't imagine him killing her. Hell, he'd probably have kept Buffy alive too so he didn't upset Dawn if Buffy wasn't the Slayer. But of course, his sick obsession with killing Slayers was much too strong for that so she knew Buffy was second on his list. Right under her.
"Fine," she answered tensely. Not giving him more than that but at least giving him something instead of snapping his head off. She glanced at him, catching the roll of his eyes at her short answer. He was lucky he got an answer as friendly as that.
"How's she copin' now? The whole... key thing?" he asked, taking a drag of his smoke. She felt herself getting tenser and tenser. Like a tightly coiled spring waiting to snap. She had been firmly against Spike knowing about Dawn. Sure he might like her but he was still soulless and he would always put himself first. Him knowing that info was dangerous but of course he ended up finding out. And then he had the cheek to be upset about no one telling him.
"She's dealing with it," was her curt reply. She heard him huff as he stopped walking and she stopped too, turning to face him. He was scowling at her as she gave him a bored look.
"I know you don't like me bein' involved and all that, but I'm soddin' here anyway. Might as well get used to it. I care about the Bit, so stop actin' like I'm your bloody enemy," he growled.
A disbelieving laugh flew from her mouth before she had the chance to stop it and his scowl only deepened.
"You are the enemy, asshole. Just because you're all chipped now doesn't mean anything to me. You don't care about Dawn. You don't care about anyone but yourself, so save it for someone who cares," she snapped. She knew though deep down it wasn't wholly true. He did care about Dawn on some level. As much a soulless monster could. She turned on her feet and continued to stomp through the cemetery and it wasn't long before she heard his heavy footfalls following her.
"You just don't like it. The fact that even though you can't stand me, the others want me around. That I'm needed. More needed than you anyway. What exactly do you bring to the group again? Oh, that's right, bugger all. Just a weak lil human, yeah? Just a distraction and dead weight to carry," he mocked. It felt like a smack in the face to have her own insecurities thrown at her. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd said this shit to her. Making her remember she was useless in the group. He did it to Xander too. It didn't lessen the sting any though.
She whirled around to face him and he looked mighty pleased with the thunderous face she was wearing. Always one to enjoy upsetting her and getting under her skin. She always played right into his hands. She hated it.
"Fuck you! You're not wanted or needed and you're not part of the group. You're only there because people feel sorry for you. Poor neutered vamp. Can't snack on humans or hurt anyone. It's just pity and charity," she snarled as she took a step toward him. His cocky smirk faded off his face, replaced by a deep scowl as he stood taller, his lips pursed, but she continued.
"Who the fuck would want you around? You're nothing to any of us. They just feel too bad that you're all alone but no one really wants you there, Spike. Hell, even Dru didn't want you around anymore. You're nothing and that's all you'll ever be. Except now you can't even function as a real vampire anymore. It's pathetic," she growled at him. Maybe it was too far but she didn't care. He was a monster, why would he deserve her to be nice?
In a blink he was right in front of her, gripping both her wrists in his but not applying enough pressure to hurt her. It seemed he learned his lesson from last time and knew how much pressure to apply to stop her from getting away but not hurt her.
"You jealous, luv? Your insecurities are showin' a mite. You can say what you want about me, but I've done bad shit. Don't expect anyone to actually give a damn. But you… you're the Slayer's family. Yet they don't want you around any more than me and that hurts you, doesn't it?" he smirked darkly. All she could do was blink up at him, feeling her throat constrict and stopping her from spitting more harsh words at him.
"You're nothin' but a weak little girl that can't even hold her own. Always need Buffy to swoop in and save the day. If anyone's pathetic, it's you, Kitten. I mean look what happened when Joyce died. Dawn and Buffy needed you and what did you do? Hid away like it was all about you. A selfish little girl that didn't care enough about her own kin to help them grieve the loss of their own mum. Joyce wasn't your mum, pet. She was theirs. And you acted as if it was all about you, just like you do with everythin'. Well, let me tell you something... Joyce would be bloody disgusted to know what a mess you've become," he snarled viciously at her.
Someone stabbing her right through the heart would have hurt less than his words and she flinched, eyes brimming with tears. She'd never cried from anything he'd said to her before. Always hit him back twice as hard with her words. But he'd never mentioned Joyce. It was always the line they didn't cross. A boundary unspoken of but there. And now he'd crossed it and she felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest as he told her everything she already knew. He let go of her wrists like she'd burnt him and took a step back. And when her glistening eyes looked at him, he looked stunned from his own words and she felt the lump in her throat expanding.
"Kitten… I'm so-" he started, eyes wide looking shocked. She didn't want to hear what he had to say, she couldn't deal with more of his words cutting at her like shards of glass. She felt fragile. Like one more harsh word and she would explode into tiny fragments and wouldn't be able to be put back together. It was one thing thinking it but another entirely for someone else to tell her what he did. She fled. Nothing else to do but flee the scene before the tears fell and he saw her actually cry. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her sob until she couldn't breathe. No, she'd do that at home in her room where she would hide. She was good at that, wasn't she? Spike was right. She was a mess and Joyce would be disgusted with her and how selfish she'd become.
She vaguely heard a muttered 'bloody hell' as she ran out of the cemetery and her nickname echoing around the trees and gravestones but she was grateful he hadn't chased her down. Grateful he hadn't forced her to hear more harsh truths because she thought it might break her. She'd been stupid to think Spike was decent enough not to hurt her like this. They'd both said shitty things to each other in the past. Nasty things to get under each other's skin. But for some stupid reason, she thought Joyce was off-limits. Thought he cared enough about her surrogate mother not to bring her into it, knowing how deep it would cut her. But she was wrong. And she felt so fucking stupid for ever thinking that would be the case when she knew him as well as she did. Soulless monsters don't care about boundaries. They'd push them until they broke if it hurt the person they wanted to hurt. No matter what was said. So she just ran home, right up to her room without a word to anyone. And when she curled up in her bed, sobbing under her blanket, she tried so hard to replace that British voice as it sneered in her mind, repeating over and over how Joyce would be disgusted with her. She guessed she couldn't run from her problems all the time.