It was the day of the party and as much as Kat wanted to get out of it, she forced herself to stay strong. It wasn't like she could get out of it completely anyway since it was at the Summers' residence and she lived there. But she wanted to hide in her room like she had done since she got home the night before. Dawn had been in to see her today making sure she was going, and Kat knew Spike had been right. She didn't want to prove him right any more and decided she needed to swallow her pain and just deal with it. Joyce hadn't been her mother. She had a lot of trauma surrounding her parents death and with Joyce being her stand-in mom, it had cut her deep when she died so suddenly. But Spike was right. She wasn't her mom and she had been selfish for making it all about her. So she'd stuff her pain deep down and be there for her cousins and stop being so selfish.
She felt hollow inside. Like a deep crevice of emptiness had opened in her chest and was swallowing everything inside of it. But no one would know as she went about the day with a fake smile on her face that didn't quite reach her eyes. She put up a wall. Surrounded herself in armor so she could switch off from the pain and go through the motions. Be there like the big cousin she was supposed to be for Buffy and Dawn and just forget her own turmoil because she wasn't important enough. She went to the Magic Box for work and conversed with people, acting like nothing was wrong. Like she wasn't dead on the inside. It was strange to think the people who were supposed to know her as well as they should, couldn't even tell the pain she was in. That none of her smiles were real. Her only saving grace was no Spike but she didn't know if that would extend to the party. She guessed she'd find out.
Later that night she had gotten ready in her room at the Summers' residence. Dawn was already downstairs where the party would be. Apparently she'd also invited some friends and there would be the usual gang plus a few others who the guys knew but weren't super friends with. She mused it was to make Dawn feel a little more popular and there would be a strict no Slayer talk at the bash. She looked at her reflection blankly and fixed her outfit once more before setting out. She didn't dress up too much. It was only a small party for Dawn and she very much doubted there would be any cute boys there. Not that she ever bothered anyway. Certainly not now with how she felt.
She was wearing short black high-waisted shorts and a cropped red plaid spaghetti strap top. She topped the look off with her trusty dark red Doc Martens and her leather jacket. She didn't really need the jacket inside but there was something comforting about it. Almost like it added to the armor she had put around herself to keep her feelings at bay. Fluffing up her wavy blood-red shoulder-length hair, she remembered how Dawn had told her how she and Spike had similar styles and she bristled at knowing she was right. She'd be damned though if she was going to change who she was just for him though. So what if he had good style? He was still a vamp and that's all that mattered. She didn't even want to think about him. His words had been on a loop in her mind since the night before and it bothered her. Because as cruel as he was, she knew he spoke the truth and that's what hurt more. She heaved a sigh before leaving her room and making her way to Buffy's room. Her makeup was the usual, not feeling like she had to go all out. Just some mascara to make her lashes longer and fuller and some eyeliner.
Buffy was waiting for her at her door when she got there and Kat gave her a once over and a devilish smile. Fake and forced but apparently believable to the girl she saw as her sister. Buffy was wearing a purple slip dress and some heels and it felt like a little much for her little sister's party just for celebrating another year in school. But Buffy was Buffy and she deserved to have some fun.
"Impressing someone?" Kat asked knowingly as they walked down the hall together, Buffy linking her arm with Kat's. And although it looked impossible, she knew the girl was packing a stake somewhere on her.
"Maybe. I might have invited someone," Buffy grinned playfully. Kat was glad.
Since Riley fucked off and left, the girl had been moping and Kat wanted her to be happy. Buffy seemed to have bad luck in the love department. But this John guy she'd had a date with the night before, it seemed like it could be a good thing. Of course, there was the issue of him not knowing about the things that went bump in the night or his lover being the Slayer. But Kat wasn't about to rain on Buffy's parade. The old her might have made a quip, not to hurt her but so she knew the gravity of the situation. She was the oldest. The wise one. The one to play devil's advocate when needed and tell the truth even if it wasn't what people wanted to hear. Simply because they needed it. But this was a new improved Kat. Kat 2.0 who kept her trap shut and allowed people to be happy. Kat that didn't wallow in her own misery, grief and pain and ignored it. Focused on others and making them happy. Fake smiles and happy times. Mask in place. It wouldn't be too hard. Just act how people wanted her to. Only the best parts of her, cut the rest off and bury them deep underground.
"He is a little pretty," Kat smirked. Buffy sighed dreamily and Kat snorted a laugh at her cousin.
"Very. He's just… wow. He's got that dark-haired and broody thing going on," Buffy smiled to herself. Kay refrained from quipping about how Buffy clearly had a type and she could only hope that on a scale of Riley to Angel, his brooding was tipped more towards Riley. Even if both of them gave her a headache.
"Well you look beautiful and he'd be stupid if he doesn't notice you," Kat smiled at her. Buffy gave her a grateful smile in return and squeezed the arm she was linked with.
"Thanks, Kat. What about you? Might be some cute boys tonight," Buffy said with a smirk. Kat was grateful that the only one in the group that was set on her and Spike was Dawn. The girl had kept her theory to herself and Kat would forever be in debt to her for that. She didn't think she would live it down if the rest of the group thought they had something going on.
"I don't know," Kat shrugged carelessly. Buffy huffed and gave her a level stare from the corner of her eye.
"Kat, it's been years since you even had a boyfriend. You're gonna end up being one of those old cat ladies that just lives with a bunch of, you know... cats," Buffy pouted. Kat rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she shrugged again. She didn't really want to talk about her non-existent love life.
"Maybe I wanna be a cat lady. At least cats can't break your heart," Kat snorted amused, stuffing her pain way down. She'd only ever had one boyfriend and it lasted less than a year. But that was a relationship that left her more broken than not, filled with cheating and so much emotional abuse her self-esteem still hadn't recovered. She decided she was better off on her own. Buffy knew of all this which is probably the only reason she didn't argue any further with the conversation. Kat was grateful. It would be harder to keep her mask in place if people were rubbing salt in her wounds.
The party went on fine. Kat played her part nicely, talking to all her friends and even people she didn't really know. That smile that never quite reached her eyes plastered on her face as she did and no one was any wiser. She flit around downstairs being sociable despite the deep need to just run and hide in her room. There was something unsettling though with all these people here about her being in her room. She didn't want anyone wandering upstairs and finding her. She was in the kitchen grabbing a beer. There wasn't much alcohol here and the kids Dawn's age weren't allowed any of course. Giles was here keeping his eyes out for everyone and not all the grown-ups were drinking. She wasn't drunk but she was a bit tipsy. Nothing to write home about. She hated feeling drunk. That complete lack of control and waking up with no memories of the night before. She knew where to draw the line and this would be her last beer. She just felt a little more relaxed and her insides felt warm. It was actually a nice change given how she'd felt since Spike's verbal assault. She hadn't seen him so far and she started to think he wouldn't be coming. She had since put her leather jacket on the back of one of the dining chairs and she wanted to hide out in the kitchen for a little bit. Just to have a breather. It was exhausting being Miss fake smiles all night. She needed to recharge.
"Hey, you're Kat right?" a voice sounded from behind her. She whipped around, beer in hand and came face to face with a handsome guy. She bit her tongue at the reflex of telling him off. Kat was reserved for those close to her. Everyone else called her by her full name. Then Spike just called her the annoying nicknames. Fake smiles. Fake smiles. Fake smiles.
"Uh… yeah," she grinned. Trying to look all demure and sweet. His smile was blinding, she couldn't lie.
"I'm Noah, John's friend," he said smoothly with a grin. With John being Buffy's new guy, she idly wondered if Buffy had sent him in here after her. Especially after their conversation from before. Noah was attractive. He had bright green eyes and dirty blonde shaggy hair. He was a bit muscly and had a tight black tee on. If she was honest he was her type down to a T. Yet for some reason a weird feeling was stirring in her gut when she looked at him. Something she couldn't place that made her feel uneased. Which was strange given his megawatt smile directed at her. Something about him was just… off.
"Nice to meet you. You having a good time?" She was never this formal or polite but she had slipped into hostess mode since the party started. It had been a good way to pass the time and to flit around without having to make conversation for too long with one person. But now she was alone in the kitchen with this guy and she had no idea how to get out without seeming rude.
"Better now you're here," he smirked. That line should have worked. It probably worked on plenty of girls with that charming grin on his face. Yet her body was screaming at her to walk out of the room and not look back at him. She blushed, not so much at his words but more so being put on the spot and she fiddled with the bottle in her hands.
"I uh… Thank you?" it sounded like a question as it squeaked from her lips and she felt on edge. A deep chuckle came from him as he stepped a little closer.
"Dance with me," he smirked, biting his lower lip a little. The music seemed to resonate throughout the whole house and she had no idea what it was. It certainly wasn't her type of music and it wasn't slow dance material either.
"N-no. I'm okay. I better…. I better get back in there," she smiled, trying to be polite and soothing. Something was setting off alarm bells in her head and she was starting to feel panicked. She flashed him another smile, walking past him in a hurry, but he grabbed her wrist tightly and halted her. It reminded her way too much of what happened with Spike in the basement. Yet ironically, the vamp she hated so much hadn't really scared her. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her. This time, she was terrified. Noah's face was dark as he quirked a brow. A smirk that was anything other than amused. She swallowed thickly as his large hand pressed even harder around her small wrist and she whimpered at the pain. Maybe she should scream. Lord knows Buffy would burst in and beat the ever-loving shit out of him. But she found she couldn't. Couldn't even say a fucking thing. He yanked her even closer, something akin to a pained whine leaving her lips as it jarred her already tender wrist and her chest bumped with his.
"It wasn't a request," he murmured with a wicked gleam in his eye. She let out a pained hiss when he pushed her backwards and her lower back pressed harshly against the counter. She knew it would bruise and she felt her eyes welling with tears. Fuck her for being so weak. Fuck her for not being able to kick him in the nuts and run away. To come out with harsh words and make him shit himself. She was a spitfire when she wanted to be yet right now, fear paralysed her and she found herself trapped.
"Believe the lady said no, mate. Think you better sod off," a menacing voice came from behind the hulking form of Noah. She didn't need to be able to see over the man towering over her to know who it was and she didn't think she'd ever been grateful in her entire existence to hear that fucking voice. Noah snorted, his grip on her wrists tightening and he looked over his shoulder. She could see then. Spike stood there, tall and proud, a feral glint in his eye as he glared down Noah.
"This hasn't got anything to do with you," Noah spat, quirking a brow. Kat was panicking. Spike was Spike and she didn't know why he was helping. She was worried he'd suddenly realize Noah was right and just waltz off and leave her alone with him, not give two shits about what happened to her. She was also aware it wasn't like Spike could even really help her. He couldn't punch Noah. He couldn't even flick the asshole on the nose without getting his own brain zapped.
"Plenty to do with me when you're feelin' up my girl," Spike replied smoothly. A lie so easily rolling off his tongue that Kat blinked dumbly at him as she winced slightly at the pain in her wrists. Her poor wrists. Why always them? There was a tense silence as Noah looked at Spike and then back at Kat. She mustered up the courage to quirk a brow at him. Knowing how pathetic she was and waiting for Spike to take the piss out of her for it if Noah did indeed leave her alone. She felt weaker than ever before and Spike was here to witness it. She couldn't catch a break. She saw how Noah looked her up and down and then at Spike. She wondered if Dawn's observation of how they dressed alike made it seem more likely they were a couple. Same dress sense, same music taste and all. Something clicked in his mind because he finally let her go and took a few steps back.
She rubbed her wrists and Spike didn't move, his blue eyes still piercing into Noah who was also staring back at him with a lazy smirk.
"Sorry, dude. Didn't realize she was taken," Kat looked at him with wide eyes, mouth agape. Like that excused his behaviour. It didn't matter if she was married or fucking single. What he did was wrong and he better believe she was telling Buffy as soon as she had the chance. Spike's voice rang out in her head then from their fight the night before. 'You're nothin' but a weak little girl that can't even hold her own. Always need Buffy to swoop in and save the day. If anyone's pathetic, it's you, Kitten.' No, maybe she wouldn't tell Buffy. She would just be proving Spike right and wasn't she doing this whole fake smile thing to prove him wrong? To show him and herself she wasn't weak anymore?
She had no idea when Noah left the room, too in her own head as she rubbed at her sore wrists, but suddenly Spike was in front of her. She felt her anger well up then. Anger from his harsh words. Anger for all the confusion she felt. Anger from bottling it up all day and anger at herself at how weak and pathetic she was just acting. Not even able to defend herself against a human of all things. Her eyes snapped up to his, her blue eyes blazing like an inferno.
"I didn't need your help," she seethed. He looked shocked. Genuinely taken aback as he blinked at her before a scowl graced his face.
"Right. Looked that way, Kitty. Did really well with the whole defendin' yourself bit," he smirked teasingly.
"I was fine. I certainly don't need the likes of you stepping in and fighting my battles," she growled. She knew deep down it wasn't fair. Despite everything, he had helped her and god knows what would be happening to her right this moment if he hadn't stepped in. But her anger at herself had morphed and twisted into something to lash out at him, much like she always did.
"I'll remember that then. Next time I'll just step back and let you get raped," he snarled, his own eyes ablaze now. He stormed out of the kitchen back into the party and she sat down at the table with shaky legs. Guilt was building at a rapid rate and it was the last thing she needed. She was already dealing with the fear and anger at herself.
"That was pretty mean," Dawn sighed with a frown as she stepped in. Kat blinked at her, not knowing how much she heard. She knew she hadn't been around before Spike or she would have burst in and kicked Noah herself.
"I know," Kat admitted hoarsely. She couldn't even look her in the eye. She hated that she felt bad at all when this was Spike out of all people. But that's what confused her. Spike of all people came to her aid. He'd been horrible to her the night before but said nothing but truth and she had said her own mean things to him. A little meaner than usual too. And here he was, swooping in to save her. She loathed it. If it wasn't Buffy having to help her, it was someone else and the fact it was Spike only made it so much worse for her.
Dawn moved to sit next to her, her frown deepening when she took Kats's sore wrists and examined them. She was a goofy kid more often than not but sometimes she had such a motherly vibe when it came to Kat that was all ass upwards. Kat hated the fact she needed taking care of. Dawn especially shouldn't be the one to do it.
"Who hurt you?" she asked softly. Her bright eyes looked right at Kat. Noah. Noah. Noah. She wanted to say it, she knew the girl would go running to her older sister and Buffy would kick his ass. But that's exactly why she didn't tell her. She was sick of people having to fight her battles for her. How would she ever learn if people always helped her and she wasn't ever left to fend for herself?
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it," Kat murmured as she took her wrists back. She stood up, sliding on her leather jacket to conceal the redness that would blossom into bruises. Her bruise from Spike had only just started to heal too.
She knew Dawn wanted to object but she wisely kept her mouth shut. Maybe it was obvious Kat wouldn't open up right now. Either way, the young girl left it as she stood herself.
"You should say sorry to him," Dawn smiled softly before leaving the room. She didn't need to say more. Kat knew who she meant. She hated that she was right. It wasn't fair of her to take it all out on the person that saved her from something so vile. It didn't matter who he was, what he was or what he had done in the past. He'd done something good which was rare for the asshole and she knew she needed to say sorry and thank him. Swallow her pride. He really didn't lie when he said she was a mess. She didn't know which way was up right then. She took a deep inhale at the door, plastering on her fake smile once again. No need to make people worry. She'd done so well all night, she didn't want to ruin Dawn's party.
An hour passed. She hadn't been able to find Spike when she returned back to the party and then she got swept off by Xander and Anya and then others too. That annoying smile still on her face as she made nice. She felt Dawn's eyes on her from time to time but she ignored it. Just like she ignored the way Noah's eyes watched her as she flit around the downstairs level and spoke to people. It was just at the end of the hour when she found Spike. Ironically it was an accident. She'd gone out the front for fresh air and he was sitting on the porch steps smoking. There were a few other people dotted around the front lawn and chatting to themselves and she wondered if any were aware a vampire was in their presence. She doubted it very much. She took a shaky breath before walking to the steps and sitting down next to him. He didn't say a word at first. Blowing out his smoke as he watched her and she stared right ahead.
"Come for some more digs have you?" he asked tensely. She glanced at him then, his scowl. She frowned softly and shook her head. It seemed to perplex him enough that his scowl melted into a curious glance.
"Look, I'm… fuck, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have spoke to you like that. I appreciate your help, I don't even wanna think about what would have happened if you didn't turn up, so thank you," she blurted out. She wasn't the most eloquent with words and this wasn't exactly easy to say. Apologies never came easy for her, especially when it was someone she considered her enemy.
"Well, well, look at that. Apology and a thanks in one go. Pigs do fly," he snorted haughtily. Kat rolled her eyes, not knowing why she even bothered when she knew this would be how it went. Instead of snapping back, she rested the side of her head on the railing feeling drained. What happened with Noah really jarred her and she was still on edge after her fight with the bleached vamp from the night before. It was silent for what felt like forever as he smoked and she sat there with her eyes closed.
"Wish I coulda snapped his neck," his voice was so casual for what he'd said and her eyes shot open. She didn't lift her head from the post but tilted enough to see him. He wasn't looking at her, just glaring out at nothing as he smoked and she wondered why. Why he wanted to hurt him when Spike himself hated her. She knew better than to ask it. She'd had enough drama to last her a lifetime and she couldn't deal with a fight with him. Not tonight.
"I wish you could have too," she murmured honestly. She'd never been overly violent. Sure she had a temper on her but she'd never been one to get physical. But she just knew in her gut she wasn't the first girl Noah had done this to, nor the last and she dreaded to think of the girls that didn't have someone to swoop in and stop it in time. It made her feel sick to think about. Things were always so black and white for her. Vamps and demons equal bad, humans equal good. But it wasn't always that way, was it? Because the human had wanted to rape her and the vampire without a soul had stepped in and stopped it. Her brain hurt.
He looked surprised at her admission. That she'd want him dead. But she just locked eyes with him, her arms hugging herself and he flashed her wry grin. She was grateful he didn't make a speech about how her morals were slipping or how she was a hypocrite. Just that grin before he stubbed out his smoke and stood up. It was strangely amicable.
"You comin' in?" he asked as he looked down at her. She blinked up at him with weary eyes and shook her head. Why was he being so nice? Did she wake up in an upside-down world or had she been wrong about so much before now?
"I'll be in soon," she murmured in reply. He gave a nod but didn't make a move. Opening his mouth like he wanted to say something else before shutting it promptly. His gas flame blue eyes looked her over for a moment and she half expected a dirty remark. She was used to them from him honestly. The shock value wore off long ago and was replaced with anger. So she was surprised that his reply was somewhat playful and friendly and not leering and rude.
"Stealin' my style now, Kitten?" he asked with a wry smile. A smile that seemed to make him seem so fucking… human. She felt her cheeks heat up and wanted to bash her head against the post when his grin widened, noticing.
"Go fuck yourself," her reply held no malice though, her blue eyes twinkling with mirth even if she kept a straight face. He chuckled at her before walking back up the steps and walking inside. She glanced back down at her outfit and frowned. She didn't look that much like him. Sure she took a lot of inspiration from punkish styles and her jacket was leather but her style was way better than his. Asshole.