The sunlight streaming through the crack in the curtains felt blinding when Kat's eyes fluttered open the next morning. She groaned, covering her eyes with her hands.
"Holy mother of God, why?" she whined pitifully as her hangover hit her like a freight train instantly.
"Because you make bad life choices," Buffy's voice felt like she was yelling into a megaphone and the shock of her being in her room was outweighed by the stabbing in her brain.
"Why are you shouting?" Kat pouted, heaving herself to sit and feeling dizzy and sick. She held her head, eyes squinting as she tried to wake up and not be blinded at the same time. Buffy raised a brow from where she was sitting in the comfy little armchair Kat had acquired from the second hand store in town.
"I'm not," Buffy snorted slightly. Kat pouted, she knew she wasn't really but it fucking felt like it. Buffy gestured to the nightstand and when Kat's eyes laid on it, she saw aspirin and some water.
"You're an angel," Kat muttered gratefully as she took the pill with ease and chugged the water. She leaned back on her pillows as she looked at her cousin. The cousin who was clearly in stern mode as she stared her down.
"How much do you remember?" Buffy asked carefully, Kat thought back to the night before. It was mostly clear until she played some games with Spike. Then things got somewhat fuzzy but she remembered bits and pieces. She even remembered the piggy back ride. She rubbed her head and sighed, cringing at how she acted by the end of the night.
"Most of it, I think," Kat murmured, rubbing her temples. Buffy stood, walking over to the bed and perching on it in front of her. She heaved a heavy sigh and it reminded Kat so much of Joyce whenever she was about to get a lecture.
"Why?" Buffy asked bewildered. Kat tilted her head a little.
"Why what? You need to be more specific than that, Buff," she snorted, wincing at the pain it brought her own head.
"Why did you go to a demon bar of all places? Why did you go with Spike of all people? I just… I just don't get it, Kat. I thought you were doing okay but clearly you're not and-" Buffy started rambling.
"Woah, woah, woah. I got drunk, Buffy. You make it sound like I'm some alcoholic with a problem. I don't even drink that much," Kat frowned. She didn't know why Buffy was overreacting like this.
"It was a demon bar, Kat. A demon bar!" she sighed exasperatedly.
"Yeah… I got that part," Kat replied dryly. It earned her a dirty look and she pursed her lips.
"Look, you know as much as I do that things are shitty and tense right now. I needed an outlet and Spike offered for me to go with him. Was it a great idea? No. But honestly, as much of a dick he can be, I trust him to keep me safe. If anything, so you don't shove a stake up his ass," Kat explained. She remembered how worried people had been about her and the guilt of having people out looking for her with everything else going on was starting to weigh on her.
"Anything could have happened," Buffy argued softly with a frown.
"But it didn't. When we got there Spike made it clear no one should mess with me. We were fine. We just had some drinks and played some goofy games. That's it," Kat implored. She remembered how Spike had growled at the others. It was such a primal thing but they'd all responded to it. She could see Buffy was still struggling with it and more snippets of the night before kept getting clearer. Especially at the end of the night when Buffy had been yelling at Spike. She worried Buffy would kick him out of the group. Dawn's words pinging around her skull about how he needs to feel needed and blah blah blah. In all honesty, issues with him aside, he'd done well to turn himself around as much as he had considering he was soulless. And she worried if he didn't have their group to help, if he'd somehow try to go back darkside completely. Spike was good to have on their team, not so much to have as an enemy. She also couldn't lie to herself, she'd had fun the night before.
"Besides, Spike didn't even want me to drink shots. He got me a beer but I kept ordering the shots. I just wanted to relax, Buff," she lied. When did she become such a liar? For Spike no less, once again. Guilt for shit not her fault would be the death of her. Buffy watched her curiously for a moment before nodding, looking a little more relaxed. She was glad she bought it. Explaining why she was lying wasn't something she even knew if she could do.
"I guess he's not a total ass then," Buffy mused thoughtfully.
"You don't need to worry about me so much, Buffy," Kat said seriously. She hated people worrying about her. They all had more important things to worry about than her. The look Buffy shot her told her she was unimpressed.
"You're family, one of my best friends. Of course, I'll worry about you. I'll worry if you stub your big toe. It's how it is. I just wish you'd talk to me more, Kat. I know you're having a hard time but I thought you were dealing. And now I feel like the worst cousin ever for not seeing how bad you were hurting," she frowned. Kat furrowed her brow wondering how Buffy even knew she was struggling when she hid it so well. It wasn't like one drunk night at a demon bar was a neon sign at how bad she'd been feeling. The confusion was written all over her face though as Buffy sighed, taking her hand.
"Spike told me. Is it true?" she muttered. Kat blanched, wondering just what the fuck Spike had told her. Oh god, what if he told her about Noah? What if she knew Noah was dead because of her.
"What?" she squeaked out, face pale as she blinked at her.
"He told me that… oh god… Kat, he told me some guy tried to assault you. Spike scared him off but that you've not been sleeping much. He said you were having a hard time with everything. Mom, Dawn being the key. Why didn't you tell me?" Kat's relief that Spike seemingly hadn't told her the end of the Noah story or even his name was short-lived as Buffy's lower lip wobbled. It made her chest constrict and she clung to her hand.
"I don't want people worrying about me, Buff. I didn't even tell Spike. If he wasn't there then I wouldn't have. Last night… I just needed to let off some steam. It's nothing to worry about, I promise. I'm feeling better already. And next time I go out I promise I'll be less vague," Kat murmured soothingly. She didn't like it when Buffy cried. Didn't like it when anyone cried really.
Buffy sniffled, wiping under her eyes with her free hand as she nodded.
"I love you, Kat. If you're struggling, I just want you to come to me," she pleaded. Kat didn't like it. The idea of talking about her problems with anyone. Especially the girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders. But she knew she had to placate her somehow or she'd be dealing with a very sad Buffy and that wouldn't do.
"I will, promise," Kat smiled softly. Buffy gave her a watery smile in return and stood, giving her an almost motherly kiss on the forehead.
"Alright. I'm done being crying girl. Try and rest up and meet us at the shop later, kay?" she smiled down at her. Kat nodded and watched as she left, blowing out a sigh. It all seemed so dramatic and she couldn't believe Spike ratted on her about things. Sure he hadn't told her the whole truth and she was grateful but at the same time, she wasn't happy he said anything at all. It must have been somewhere in the argument when she was in the bathroom because Buffy would have spoken to her sooner otherwise. She decided to get a little more rest, hoping to feel better for later. She didn't like missing meetings. She always felt left out of the loop when she did. She couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed by Spike now though. It hadn't been his place to tell anyone anything about her and it felt a little raw knowing her little secret was exposed. Partly anyway.
Buffy sat on the counter of the magic shop. It had been hours since she left Kat to rest and she was still worried. She hoped she would come to her if she was struggling from now on but she had a sneaking feeling she wouldn't. And now on top of that, Glory was stepping things up a notch and it was just more to worry about. She hadn't even been able to see John properly lately and she knew the relationship wasn't going to last. How could it when being around her would most likely get him killed? Being the Slayer was sucky sometimes. Most of the time. All of the time. She was eating a cookie from the plate Willow had baked and brought over for the meeting when she saw Spike saunter in through the back. She wanted to speak to him before Kat got here and hopped off the counter. She approached him before he got to the others and he raised a suspicious brow at her, like he was expecting a punch. She was tempted after last night but she knew Kat wouldn't lie to her. She was a little shocked to hear Spike had been responsible and it had been Kat who wasn't, but she wasn't blind. She'd noticed how they got on a little better recently. Noticed how he watched Kat sometimes. She wouldn't say anything and she wasn't too happy about the inkling she had that he might like Kat, but if it meant she wouldn't be on his radar to get hurt, she'd take it.
"Want somethin', Slayer?" he asked, sounding bored. She could read it all over him that he was still miffed about the ear lashing she gave him the night before and now she had to eat her words. Especially if she wanted him to do her the favor she was going to ask him.
"Listen… I'm sorry about some of the stuff I said last night. Kat told me the shots were her idea and I might have been a little out of order," she muttered begrudgingly. He blinked at her dumbly for a moment, tilting his head before he blew out a breath she knew he didn't really need.
"Yeah… well," he huffed weakly. He had a weird look on his face but she had too much on her mind to care about dissecting it.
"I need to ask a favor," she sighed, knowing he was going to be an ass, but she was prepared for it. A mirthless laugh left his lips and he shook his head at her.
"Of course you do. That the only reason why I get an apology? Why would you want my help? What was it you called me last night? Oh, that's right, a walkin' pile of dust you were more than happy to scatter," he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her as she gave him a sheepish smile.
"I am sorry though," she murmured with a grimace. He snorted, shaking his head again.
"Yeah, course you are," he huffed. He moved around her about to walk off and she hoped her thought process was right or this would backfire on her badly.
"I guess I'll just have to ask Xander to start patrolling with Kat then. I mean… she'll probably die since he can't exactly do much to defend her if they get in trouble but…" she sighed dramatically. She smirked inwardly as he stilled, still facing the other way for a beat before he turned around with pursed lips.
"The whelp? You've got two witches and yourself and you're gonna send her off with the weaklin' and hope she doesn't get killed?" he asked slowly like she was stupid. But she knew her plan was working. Otherwise, he would have walked away.
"Glory's stepped up her game recently. We need Willow and Tara here working their magick to make a protection spell for Dawn. And Dawn's safest with me. Giles thinks it's best if I keep patrolling to a minimum so I can be with her. Less chance of her being snatched that way," she explained carefully. She wasn't a fan of the plan either, that the only ones that could patrol were the ones weakest, except for Spike. That's exactly why she wanted Spike to pair with Kat. Spike was the most capable even if she didn't like to admit it, so it only made sense he'd protect her. And she also wanted Kat safe. Therefore, it made sense in her brain that pairing them together killed two birds with one stone. She hated that saying. Why was anyone killing birds? Couldn't they feed them? Or pet them? She shook her head realizing she was getting sidetracked and she watched Spike sigh and wipe a hand over his face. She could see the cogs in his mind turning like he was analyzing the plan, no doubt to pick holes in it. But his face suddenly turned resigned like he realized he knew this would be the best course of action for everyone.
"Fine. But you owe me," he muttered, pointing at her. She grinned with a nod, feeling like at least one thing was taken care of.
"Good! Oh, and if anything happens to her on your watch, I will kill you. Just so you know," she flashed a toothy grin, ignoring his scowl as she wandered over and plonked down at the table with the others. It was only a minute later when the door opened and Kat walked in. She was wearing her trusty dark gray jeans and boots with a hoodie and the hood up.
"Good evening, sunshine!" Xander grinned from his seat at the table. Kat grimaced, glaring at him as she rubbed her head. Gingerly sitting next to Dawn and Buffy.
"Ha ha. Funny. The next person to yell gets their head ripped off," she huffed.
"Still hungover?" Willow asked softly with a small sympathetic pout. Kat sighed and nodded.
"Just a smidge. I'm never drinking again," she groaned.
"We've heard that before," Buffy snorted playfully, getting a scowl in response.
"I can't believe you got drunk and I missed it," Dawn whined comically.
"Trust me, you didn't miss much," Kat shook her head as she took her hood off. Her hair was up in a messy bun, bits falling out all over. She just couldn't care enough to do anything more with it. Her hangover wasn't as bad as when she woke but she still felt like shit.
"Lies! It was the best. You really missed it, Dawnie. She called Spike a puppy and was talking about aliens and their dogs on the way home," Xander cackled at her expense. She felt her cheeks heat up as Dawn giggled and she rolled her eyes. The mention of Spike had her eyes drifting to where he was perched on the counter watching them all. He had a stony face and she wondered if he was upset by her behavior the night before or with Buffy and how she acted. Maybe both. She grabbed a cookie from the middle of the table as the meeting started and she zoned out as Giles started off talking about the wondrous things that were Willow's cookies. She had no idea how long she spaced for when she heard her name.
"So Spike and Kat, you will take the cemetery from now on," Giles said as he cleaned his glasses.
"What?" Kat asked, confused. Giles gave her a patient look and pushed his glasses back on.
"It seems easier if we all stick to a routine. You and Spike will be patrolling the cemetery every night for the time being," he explained like he was talking to a toddler. She wondered if it was because he thought her hangover was making her slow when in reality she hadn't heard anything.
"Why are me and Spike patrolling every night?" she asked. She glanced at the bleached vamp who didn't look at all shocked by this revelation.
Giles took his glasses back off, wiping them once more in the excessive way he did when he was stressed.
"You haven't been listening to a word I've been saying have you?" He asked knowingly. She winced, flashing him an apologetic smile.
"I… I did. Willow's cookies would go great with your cups of tea," she supplied. He heaved a sigh and it was clear that wasn't the last thing he had said. She really had missed a lot.
"Glory is being the mega bitch she is. Her minions seemed to have multiplied like rabbits," Buffy started to explain.
"Rabbits have lots of sex," Anya said slowly as she watched her.
"I think she got it, An," Xander snorted.
"I'm not so sure. She seems to be a little slow today," Anya replied. Kat raised a brow as her lips twitched. She wasn't offended. She loved Anya because of how she just said what was on her mind. It was hilarious.
"Anyway, Willow and Tara are working on some magick-y things for protection and it's best if I stay with Dawn. Giles, Xander and Anya are going to be patrolling too, but I want you teamed with Spike because he's the strongest we have apart from me," Buffy continued.
She wondered if she woke up in some opposite world as she quirked a brow at Buffy, wondering when she started to trust Spike enough to keep her safe. Her look must have said it all.
"You guys have been getting on a little better. And hey, it's like you said, you trust him to keep you safe. This way I don't have to worry as much," she whispered to her. Kat flushed. She knew it was too quiet for the others to hear but she knew full well Spike would. Everyone knew he had the typical vampire hearing but Kat was sure they didn't know what extent his range of hearing was. Kat wasn't sure either but she knew enough from all the times she fucked around to piss him off that his place at the counter was in his range and she hated that Buffy had just admitted she said that in front of him. She just nodded before she went and said anything else embarrassing and Buffy smiled at her. Kat wasn't sure how to feel about being stuck with Spike every night. It was enough seeing him every day at the meetings but now it was more time with him. They were getting on better but it still wasn't great. She idly wondered if this was why he seemed a little pissed off when she looked at him before. She was still upset about him ratting on her to Buffy so the thought of more time with him only made her angry now.
The meeting went on and then people went off doing their own thing around the shop. After eating a few more cookies, Kat stood and made her way to near the back of the store where Dawn stood animatedly chatting to a slightly bored-looking Spike.
"Hey, I just need to borrow Spike for a minute," Kat smiled at Dawn. Her face seemed to light up and Kat fought a groan.
"Really?" she asked far too eagerly.
"Just need to hash out some patrol plans," she lied. Dawn visibly deflated and Kat grabbed Spike's wrist, dragging him into the back room. She let go and he raised a brow as he shut the door.
"Wanted to get me alone, Kitty, all you had to do was ask nicely," he smirked leeringly at her. She rolled her eyes and huffed at him.
"So what I'm wondering is, why the fuck you told Buffy I was struggling with shit. Why did you even tell her I was almost assaulted? It's not your place to go around telling people my shit, Spike!" She hadn't meant to get so angry but it happened anyway. In all honesty, she was pretty upset he went and spilled her business when she worked so hard to hide it and deal with it herself. She didn't want people knowing or worrying about her. But she also knew her hangover had her feeling more raw than usual.
He looked shocked by her outburst and laughed darkly as he shook his head.
"Felt like I needed to spell it out, since I was the only bloody one who noticed," he glowered bitterly.
"That's what I wanted, asshole! I don't want people worrying about me. They have enough things to worry about. Weren't you the one who told me how weak I was being? That I'm a mess? I was trying to deal with it myself!" she hissed at him, trying to keep her voice down so no one came bursting in. He scoffed, face like thunder as he glared at her hard.
"Bloody told you I didn't mean all that crap, you daft bint! What, killin' a man wasn't enough for you?!" he was clearly getting angry and it only made her angry. She shushed him with wide eyes, unable to believe he would just yell something like that. All it did was piss him off more as he laughed and it was anything but amused.
"Don't want everyone knowin' your dirty little secret, Kitten? I'm good enough to take care of your problems though, yeah?" he sneered at her. She felt her cheeks flush. The idea she had a secret with him was bad enough and she knew this was a big one. She wasn't sure how Buffy would react honestly. Sure Noah had tried to hurt her but Buffy wouldn't agree with him being murdered. Beat up, sure. Killed, not so much.
She rubbed her temples as she perched on a crappy little desk against the corner. She knew she needed to calm herself and in some way, she knew she was being a tad irrational.
"I didn't ask you to kill him," she argued weakly. She felt the fight leaving her and now she was just tired and her head hurt.
"Maybe not but you implied it pretty well. Not to mention I got sick of seein' your mug mopin' around and lookin' like a soddin' panda," he huffed, seemingly less angry than a few moments ago. She looked at him and shook her head, frowning. Maybe this would have gone differently if she hadn't started this by outright yelling at him. Now she'd be on patrol with a vampire who hated her once again. She didn't realize how much easier things were when they'd been civil to one another.
"Look… in case it didn't sink into that pretty little head, I left out certain details. Only told her what I thought she needed to know," he sighed, sounding somewhat tired. She glanced at him again then and nodded, nibbling her lower lip as he leaned against the wall.
"I know. And I appreciate that. I just… I don't see why you bothered to tell her anything at all," she admitted with a shrug as she glared at the floor. He heaved a sigh and sat down on a crate opposite her, looking up at her with pursed lips and a thoughtful face.
"Thought things would be better once he was gone. Seemed like it for a bit too. But then you started gettin' spooked again. So in your own head, you didn't even know I was there and dropped all them cards. Then you said about the nightmares. Just thought the Slayer needed to keep an eye on you, make sure you were alright," he relented.
She blinked dumbly at him for a moment, her brows furrowed.
"The nightmare wasn't… it wasn't about that. I do feel better now he's gone," she reluctantly admitted. She knew it might have sounded heartless, but then again this was Spike. He was hardly going to judge her for it. Not when he'd been the one to arrange it. He scrutinized her for a moment, probably checking to see if he believed her.
"Well… that was my mistake then. Doesn't mean you're not goin' through stuff though, Kitten. Dunno how the others can't see it," he frowned with a shake of his head. She knew though. She hid it well, but Spike was just perceptive to things. Maybe it was a perk of being a vampire or a side effect of being around so long. She didn't know but either way, the others didn't know because she hid it well. It wasn't on them.
"Because I don't want them to see it. I don't want them worrying about me, Spike. The less they worry about me, the better," she murmured sadly.
"Right, 'cause you're that unimportant to everyone here. You can just drown in your problems and misery until it's too late. Sure everyone'll be right happy with that," he said sarcastically, leveling a look at her as he stood up. She knew he was right deep down. She knew they cared, that's why she didn't want to tell them because they'd only worry too much. But she supposed keeping it to herself hadn't been doing her any favors. Maybe it was the best Buffy knew now.
"Know you're used to goin' it alone. Keepin' all of it to yourself. But it's a fine line you're walkin', pet. Shouldn't just give up and suffer alone. The loneliness you're imposin' on yourself… it's gonna drown you one day, Katherine," he said seriously, giving her a grim look before he slipped out of the door. She was speechless, practically gaping at the door. She didn't know if she was more shocked by the use of her actual name that he'd never done before, or his heavy words that seemed to weigh her down. He seemed so serious too. She frowned, blowing out a breath. She wondered how many times they'd have these weird deep conversations that left her dumbfounded. He just kept on surprising her it seemed. At least he wasn't mad at her anymore. Especially since she'd be seeing him later for patrol and seemingly every day until they got this Glory situation under control. It was all far too much information to process with her hungover brain. She considered asking Willow to make her something of her magickal variety to help her out a little but then decided against it. She knew Spike's words wouldn't leave her any time soon. She just couldn't decide if she should listen or not.